Domestic Abuse & Faith: Supporting Survivors

Today's episode is on domestic abuse and Marylayo is talking to guest, Brandie Opone, who has a passion for empowering others. Brandie leads a vibrant women's ministry group in her local church and serves on the board of her local community to champion positive change.

Discussion covers:

• Shining a Light: Using Your Gifts to Make a Difference
• Balancing Submission and Control in Relationships
• The Impact of Domestic Abuse on Mental Health and Wellbeing
• Rebuilding Lives: Advice for Survivors of Domestic Abuse
• Recognising the Signs: Supporting Those Experiencing Domestic Abuse
• Resources and Support for Survivors of Domestic Abuse
• Taking Care of Your Mental Health When Working with Survivors
• Finding Hope: Reaching out for Help in Times of Abuse

Take a moment to delve into what may be 'beyond the smile' - listen in to the conversation.

Guest details:

Brandie is a multi-talented woman with a passion for empowering others. Her background in Governance and Compliance provides a foundation of strength, while her talents as a gospel singer, songwriter and music director bring a touch of creativity. However it's her unwavering commitment to support women's empowerment that truly shines. Brandie leads a women's ministry, where she fosters a space for women to flourish. She inspires them to discover their unique identities in Christ, guiding them towards self-discovery and purpose. She is a dedicated advocate for those facing domestic violence. Her work focuses on raising awareness and ensuring all have access to the support and resources they need to heal and thrive. Brandie serves on her local community board, championing positive change and encouraging community engagement.

Guest contact details:

• Instagram
• Facebook

Resources:

• Restored
• Woman's Trust
• Victim Support
• Refuge
• Women's aid
• Respect - Men's advice line

Marylayo's spiritual wellbeing tip: Meditate on the bible scripture John 10:10

For help in dealing with mental health related matters, please seek specialist advice and support if needed.

#BeyondTheSmile #DomesticAbuse #MaryLayoTalks #MentalHealth #Faith

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MaryLayo: Welcome to beyond the smile with me,

MaryLayo, a podcast that discusses mental

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health and spiritual wellbeing.

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If you like what you hear, please do remember

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to follow and share.

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But before we jump in, there may be episodes

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that are particularly sensitive for some

listeners.

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And if that applies, then I hope you will join

me whenever you feel ready and able.

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In today's episode, I'm speaking with guest

Brandi Opone about domestic abuse.

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Brandie leads a women's ministry in her local

church, and she also serves on the board of

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her local community.

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So I started off by asking her about her

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passion to champion social issues such as

domestic abuse and where it all comes from.

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Let's join in the conversation.

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Hey, Brandie.

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So what led you to actually get involved in

working with people, whether it be in your

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community or in church?

Because you obviously have a passion in that

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area.

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So what led you to that?

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Brandie: Thank you, Mary. Why do I start from

so many things to talk about?

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But I think just from my background, and I

would say my faith as a child of God, I think

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one of the very things that I've come to

realise is, as christians, Jesus said to us

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that we should go out and be the light and

shine that light.

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And I believe every human being has a gift and

has something that the world needs.

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And for me, I discovered a very long time ago

that there's something about me that I just

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don't like seeing people needing help and not

do anything about it.

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So I kind of worked on that strength of mine.

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And just little by little, anytime I see

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things that are needed, I step in and I try to

help when people feel, when I feel like people

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are not getting the right support, I've always

been like an advocate, sometimes speak up for

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them.

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So gradually, I just built that ability and I

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just see it come out naturally wherever I find

myself.

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And it's always obvious anybody that says, oh,

Randy, you love doing this thing.

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And so I kind of reach out to the community,

even though I do it at church.

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But also, it's very important that the gospel

is taken out to the streets and not just in

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the four walls of the building, because we are

the church as children of God.

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MaryLayo: So one of the hats that you wear is,

you know, having or leading that ministry in

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church that you mentioned.

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So, like, what's involved in leading a

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ministry in, within a church setting?

And how do you actually get past those

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challenges that comes with, especially

domestic abuse?

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Because that's a big and very serious.

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Brandie: Thing, I think one thing I would say

is, in all walks of life in church, in secular

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world, in your workplace, even in your family,

your home, human beings can be challenging

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because everybody has different personalities,

likes, interests.

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So bringing people together, I think one of

the things I would say is learning how to work

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with people is very, very important and just

having a balance of knowing that everyone is

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an individual and trying to treat them as that

rather than just having to apply every

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principle.

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And I think one of the challenges, I would

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say, is there's never enough support.

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You will try your best, you will do what you

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can, but you can only go so far.

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What we try to do is to empower people so they

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can stand on their own feet.

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But with domestic abuse, what I would say is

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because for a long time, and, you know, I use

a caveat to this, for a long time, the body of

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Christ, you know, what we've learned, what has

been passed down to us, is that God hates

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divorce.

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So when there is an issue of domestic abuse,

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you know, the church is cut in between.

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Well, I'm not speaking from personal

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experience, but in general, the church is

caught in between God hates the boss and

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trying to make sure a home is kept together.

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And sometimes where do we get that balance?

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And so even we know the nature of God.

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God is love, and anything that is outside of

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that does not reflect God.

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So if you're in a relationship and, you know,

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it's not reflecting God, then there's an

issue.

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And that's where sometimes the church is now.

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You know, there's learning in place, and then

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the church is beginning to understand the

demographic and the dynamics of these things,

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and they are putting it in place.

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But it's just the aspect of balancing faith

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and practical living on a day to day basis,

that's one of the challenges we face in

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addressing domestic abuse.

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MaryLayo: So, like, one of the key words that

I've picked out from what you've said is about

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the balance.

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And, like, you know, especially, like in,

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let's say, christian circles or even faith

groups where things are very much black and

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white, you know, no compromise, no watering

down.

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It's either this or that.

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Like, something that comes to mind is about,

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is there a fine line when it comes to being

led, for example, by your spouse who is seen

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to be or who should be the head of a household

and being controlled?

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Because one of the things I'm aware of is that

when it comes to abuse, domestic abuse

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control, and that manipulation is a key

factor.

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So when it comes to, I guess, domestic abuse,

and especially in a faith kind of setting,

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when things are very much black and white.

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Is there a fine line between, you know,

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leading and controlling?

Yeah.

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What's your thoughts on that?

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Brandie: I think this thing is not plain, as

simple as it is, but we know, like I always

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say, as christians, the word of God is our

manual for living.

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So even in submission in the Bible, as husband

and wife, the Bible still says husbands and

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wife should submit to one another.

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So leading in the Bible is you being a

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servant, not a controller, not manipulating.

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So if you are being led, you are supposed to

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be free to make decisions.

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You are supposed to be free to have a choice,

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because God himself gives us choices.

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We have free will.

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God does not manipulate us.

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So if you are being led, there is a difference

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between being led and controlled.

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Control takes away the rights.

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You can't make any decision.

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You just follow.

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You can't speak, you can't do much, but being

led still gives you a chance to be you, to be

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free to make decisions where you are not, you

know, you don't feel like you don't have a say

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and you don't have a choice.

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And I. I believe that's one of the areas that

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a lot of abusers have gotten away with

abusing, you know, their spouses.

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And it's not just women that face abuse.

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Men do, but it's.

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It's.

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The scale is tilted more to women, and so it's

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still having a balance.

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And I guess doctrine plays a factor.

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If the doctrine is not sound in a church, it

can affect you knowing the difference.

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And that's why knowledge is key to

understanding what is being led and being

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controlled.

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So your church environment is very important

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in understanding the difference.

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But, yeah, it's not one size fits all

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sometimes with these things, you know.

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MaryLayo: Like what you said, like, even

reminded me about how when it even comes to

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leadership.

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So, yes, you can be the head of a household,

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but when it comes to leadership, there's also

something about, like, serving others, serving

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those that you lead, not controlling, you

know, not manipulating, but actually serving

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them.

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You know, you've got that, you know, having

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that kind of, like, pastoral kind of nature,

you know, that nature of caring, just like

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even Jesus did.

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So that's what came to my mind when you were

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just talking, you know.

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Yeah.

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About leadership and leading the way.

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Yeah.

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Brandie: Yes, absolutely.

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Jesus served Jesus then, and he showed the

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example.

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He said, those that will be great among you

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will serve you are not great by controlling

people.

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And we know God does not even control even he

created us.

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He has, he can tell you he can control your

mind, but he still does and that is love.

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Love does not control.

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MaryLayo: So I can, like, I can imagine that,

like, given that you lead a women's ministry,

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you serve in your local community, and I can

imagine that you've encountered quite a lot of

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women, people in general, that have struggled

or that have been affected by issues such as

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domestic abuse.

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So what kind of impact can domestic abuse have

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on an individual, especially when it comes to

mental health well being?

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I mean, some things are obvious to me, but it

would be good for you just to talk through the

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kind of things that you've noticed in terms of

the impact of domestic abuse on people.

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Brandie: Yeah, I think one of the first things

is that people become a shadow of themselves,

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that you're stripped of who you are, kind of

have no sense of who you are because you are

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just in this zone.

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You have.

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You feel worthless.

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That's what abuse does to you.

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There is a sense of shame that comes with

abuse as well.

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There is a sense of low self esteem.

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People feel like their life is over.

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Like, wow, I've wasted my life.

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Where do I start from?

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They become hopeless.

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There's no way out.

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They can't see them returning a number of

things.

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And maybe if there's money involved, finances

can be affected.

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That also causes, you know, anxiety.

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How do I move forward?

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How do I rebuild my life?

Or some might be domestic and, you know, like

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physical, sorry, violence, you know, injury,

you know, bruises that you have suffered from

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that relationship.

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So there are different things, just different

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nuances to the situation.

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But I think loss of yourself, because when you

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lose who you are, that's where you as a

person, that's where you operate from.

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And if you don't know who you are, then you're

confused.

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You can't really achieve what you want to do.

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Yeah.

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MaryLayo: So when you were sharing, like, I

guess I was imagining about how for people who

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do feel that shame, they have lost their

confidence.

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They do feel like, let's just say that there's

no hope.

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How can people actually pluck up the courage

to actually speak to someone, to look for that

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support when they're in a place of

hopelessness, when they're in a place of

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shame, you know, because that's going to be

difficult for people.

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Brandie: I think, you know, with different

situation with domestic abuse victims.

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So anyone that has gone through some form of

trauma, I think one of the things that

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happened is they have to come to that place

themselves.

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So you can encourage them, you can, you know,

highlight things to them, but then you have to

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give them time to process all of what they've

been through, because no matter what you say,

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if they're not ready, they're not ready.

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And if you try to force them, they'll go back

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again and that is even more danger to them

because then the abuser knows, oh, something

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is happening and then they are at risk.

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I guess it's just about, you know, educating

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them.

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So. And that's why, you know, in places of

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worship, you see now that they're putting up

posters, you know, in different touch points

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about what domestic abuse looks like in.

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If you go to organisations, they have it up as

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well.

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Toilets, you go to toilets, most times you see

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it in the toilet.

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So just encouraging them and don't make them

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feel like, oh, you should know better.

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Don't make them feel less than themselves or

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feel like, oh, they're being stupid or

foolish, just make them feel like, you know

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what, there is strength in whatever you're

going to do.

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I'm here to support you whenever.

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Just encourage them and be there for them and

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gently wait for them patiently until they are

ready to just take this step.

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MaryLayo: One of the things you mentioned was

about putting posters up, raising that

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awareness in terms of what does domestic abuse

look like?

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So can you just shed a bit of light as to what

that can look like so that an individual can

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actually recognise the signs in their own

lives if they need to?

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Brandie: I think one of the signs of domestic

abuse, more than anything else, is just that

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control, that power, not equal.

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And as if you're in a relationship, it should

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be an.

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It should be a balance, equal balance, where

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you're free to be yourself, to live life to

the fullest, because God has given you that

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freedom.

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He paid the price for you to be free.

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And so if you're in a relationship where you

are afraid, you're working on eggshells, your

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opinion is not needed, it's not listened to.

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You can't your family, you are isolated from

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people.

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You know, you go out and you're thinking, you

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know, sometimes you go out and I've noticed

some women, like, I have to go.

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If I don't go home, this is going to happen.

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They are living in a state of constant panic,

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fear.

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So. And some of these posters, that's what it

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highlights in those posters, if you having

anxiety, there's fear.

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If you're worried about, you know, tomorrow,

but the signs are always there.

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But because sometimes people are not aware,

they just don't know.

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But there's this thing that you feel that

trauma does to you, that, you know, something

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is not right.

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But you can't just put your hands to it.

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And so, yeah, that's what it looks like.

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And I guess a lot of organisations now have

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training.

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Like, you go to the hairdressers as well.

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Hairdressers are being trained because lots of

women would share a lot of things when you are

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having your hair done, the hairdressers know

everybody's secrets on that chair.

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So hairdressers are being trained to recognise

this sign.

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People are more likely to open up to their

hairdressers when they have their hair done.

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So they are being trained.

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And so you can, it's a position of trust.

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You can, they can guide you and encourage you.

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So they have all those awareness there as

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well, touch points where, you know, people go

through and that trust is being built.

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MaryLayo: So I want to bring it a bit in terms

of the spotlight on someone who has, who has

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faith, you know, and I'm, and I'm bringing

this because I know that you, you do, you do

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work with women, you do support them and, you

know, it's all about nurturing them so that

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they're thriving and they're the best version

of themselves.

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So, like, when it comes to, especially those

who are, let's just call it women of faith,

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they have a faith.

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The underlining principle in terms of their

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relationship with their partner or their

spouse is a, about commitment.

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You know, they really do understand and adhere

to and respect covenants, you know,

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commitments.

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So how, how can someone who is struggling with

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that, you know, given the fact that they

believe and they value, is about staying

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committed to a person who may very well not

necessarily be helping them to be that, you

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know, bringing out the best version of

themselves?

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And if anything, it's the reverse.

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How, how can, how does faith come into play

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with the, the challenges that they may be

going through and how can they help themselves

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spiritually, even during those circumstances?

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Brandie: Well, I guess, you know, there's

something I said previously about the doctrine

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you're exposed to.

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It is very important.

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So if, if you're in an environment where all

the preachers, well, the male figure is, you

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know, you should submit whatever is happening,

just pray to God.

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And God can do all things.

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God can do everything.

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And we have to remember that God, yes, as much

as he can do all things, he has still given us

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responsibility as humans.

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God is not going to come and brush my teeth

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for me.

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He's not going to give me bath.

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He expects me to be able to do certain things.

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And so as human beings, there's a level of

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responsibility that we should, you know, take

on for ourselves.

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So if you are in a place that the doctrine is

not sound, these are some of the effects it

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will have on your faith and, you know,

recognising the signs, because sometimes you

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don't even need a domestic abuse awareness.

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Just the doctrine you listen to would empower

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you to know that something is not right.

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This is not what Christ died for.

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And I think one of the challenges most women

would say is the first step, if somebody you

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recognise and they come to you, I think the

first step is to encourage them first, because

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nobody wants a situation where you just drag

people out of their marriages.

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That's not what it is about when fate is

involved, except there is a danger to life,

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immediate danger to life, then regardless of

what it is, that person should be removed from

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that circumstances.

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Regardless.

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There is no two ways about it, even with

faith.

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God expects us to be wise in that.

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So, but on that point, the first thing most

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times is always advisable.

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Maybe a separation and a counselling process

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to go through that, if the abuser is willing

to go through that process, says, but one of

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these things women can, because the Bible has

said we will go through challenges and we'll

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go through different things in this life.

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But Jesus says that he has overcome, and

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that's one of the things, the things as a

child of God, you need to encourage yourself.

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Nobody's saying you should live in a home,

that you're being abused.

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Your mental state is not working.

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If you're mentally, you know, you can't take

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it anymore.

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Leave so you can, you know, work on yourself,

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build yourself up.

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That's when you can't fight anything or, you

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know, go through any challenge.

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That's what we always say.

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If your mental and emotional well being is

compromised, please separate yourself for the

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time being and just get time to regroup and

recover, rather than being there and praying.

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You know, I know a lot of churches say just

pray and pray and pray and the woman is dying

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slowly.

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So we don't advise people to remain, but we

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don't take people out of their marriages

because, you know, there is a step to all of

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these things.

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People change.

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You know, even in the Bible, forgiveness is

there.

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So people can change, they can.

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There's nothing the power of God cannot do.

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Even the criminal on the cross with Christ,

you know, what happened.

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He still was, you know, with Christ in heaven,

so there's nobody that is not redeemable.

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But at the same time, there is a balance to

the approach that we take in this.

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I hope I answered the question.

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MaryLayo: Oh, you did?

I mean, yeah, I'm glad you kind of gave a

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fuller picture in terms of a process.

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And it sounded very, really balanced,

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actually, because behind the question, I was

also thinking about stories that I've read

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where even, for example, high profile, let's

just say wives of pastors, they've died over

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from domestic abuse.

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And therefore, you just even highlighting that

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where there's a danger to life, you know, and

how critical that is, you know, to preserve

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that life.

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Yeah.

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That really does make steps in terms of the

practical steps.

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It's not about breaking up and separating from

or permanently separating a relationship.

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It's about preserving life.

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And I guess really helping to facilitate that

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that relationship is over.

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Time is what it's destined to be or what it

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potentially can be.

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And there's a process that's involved.

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Brandie: Yes.

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MaryLayo: So like you mentioned about how the

impact of domestic abuse on someone's

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wellbeing, you know, it can be significant and

how they tend to be a shadow of their true

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selves.

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What are the kind of steps that survivors can

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take to build themselves up again?

Once, for example, they're in a position to

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focus on themselves and they've separated from

that detrimental kind of experience.

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What are the kind of things that they can do

to help build themselves up again?

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Brandie: Yeah, I think one of the first things

I would always say to people is just be kind

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to yourself, be gentle with yourself, because

sometimes the abuse is not physical.

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People don't see the impacts.

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It's like a wound that you have, and it heals

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over time.

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If you have a fracture, you're not just going

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to start walking the same day.

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There's a process that, that healing takes.

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And I always say, be gentle, be kind, because

the first thing that goes through an abuse and

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a person has been abused is the shame and

guilt of, why did I allow this happen to me?

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You know, why.

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Why was I there for this long?

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They blame themselves a lot.

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There's this guilt that they carry for so

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long.

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And that's why I said, be kind to yourself.

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You're not stupid.

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You're not foolish.

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None of those things define you.

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It's just the abuser took advantage of who you

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are and just, you know, most of people that

abuse are loving people.

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They are kind.

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You know, they give you opportunities to

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change, and abusers take advantage of that

nature.

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So be kind to yourself.

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And I think empowering yourself is very

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important.

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So the first step is, what do I want to do

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next?

Do I want to work?

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Do I want to go for training?

Do I want to go for.

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I think therapy is very important so you can

talk through what has happened.

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You know, talk to a trained person.

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We have some in the body of Christ that are

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trained therapists.

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If you want to go down the fate route, if you

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also want to go down, you know, the secular

route is also helpful.

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All of these things work together.

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You know, as christians, we don't condemn, oh,

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this is not from church, so it's not good.

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You know, God is the one that has giving us

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that wisdom, even in medicine, to be a

blessing to us.

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So we don't rule out anyone.

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We work together.

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We're not against each other.

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So if you need to go counselling, therapy,

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support groups as well, you know, support

groups are good.

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Like women of like mind, of like women of

faith now will go to an environment.

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Maybe Christians, maybe Muslims will go to

support groups that, you know, meet their

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needs.

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And also having people around you is very,

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very important to help you through this stage.

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For instance, some people have children also,

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along with living an abusive relationship.

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So there's a lot of pressure, you know,

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getting support, um, if some people need to

move homes as well.

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So there's a lot of things that go with this

thing, but it's just one step at a time.

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I believe it's always good to process.

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It's one step.

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Don't try to do everything and just look after

yourself.

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Do things that you enjoy, because when you are

probably in that relationship, you don't do

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things anymore.

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You lose yourself.

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You don't even know who you are.

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So do things that make you you, that make you

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value yourself, that bring out who you are as

a person.

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But I say first thing, be kind to yourself and

take each day one step at a time and have

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people around you that can pull you up,

because actually, some days will be low, some

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days those emotions will flood in.

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So it's very important that you have people to

434

help you at that point and those moments when

it happens.

435

MaryLayo: Thanks, Brandy.

436

Like one of the.

437

I guess one of the things that comes to my

mind is just how you've got a lot of advice

438

and to share for those people in that

situation.

439

And you mentioned quite a few.

440

Anyway, in terms of what's out there for

441

people to tap into, is there anything else,

maybe whether it be in the local community or

442

in a church setting, is there anything else

that may be available in terms of support or

443

resources that comes to mind?

444

Brandie: I think with every church is

different.

445

I wouldn't be able to speak for all the

churches.

446

But I know when it comes to community and

charities, government provision, I know there

447

are resources when it comes to accommodation,

living at home, they are.

448

You have an exemption where they have section

seven, they have some caveat to the clause

449

that helps you relocate as a survivor of

abuse, they have financial supports, they have

450

charities that help you with things you need

for a house, white goods, they have

451

organisations like that within the community,

people that can come and peer supports that

452

would come with you.

453

Maybe sometimes people might be going through

454

courts or parenting and, you know, all of that

shared care.

455

So you have somebody that comes with you on

that journey.

456

Some charities offer that.

457

And I guess in the church it's more of welfare

458

in general, making sure your spiritual well

being, your emotional, your physical well

459

being.

460

And I would say there's welfare packages in

461

churches as well, where they help you

financially, they will support you.

462

And that's why I said, you know, faith and I,

you know, secular works together.

463

It's not.

464

We don't rule out one for the other, we just

465

complement each other.

466

So where the church cannot, where the

467

resources are, probably not enough government

facilities and fund is available for people to

468

tap into.

469

But I think more the church also have a

470

package of just making sure emotionally,

mentally, spiritually, you are there and, you

471

know, support group meetings, praying with

you, one to one, checking in and things like

472

that.

473

I think it all works together, you know, and

474

we have a particular organisation called

restored.

475

Restored is a christian charity that do a lot

of campaign and awareness in the UK for

476

domestic abuse.

477

They're really good with materials and

478

signposting survivors to help that they would

need.

479

MaryLayo: So, Brandy, like, when you're there

dishing out support and help and advice to

480

others, I imagine that because this is a

really heavy, I would say, emotionally

481

challenging area, you would have your own

frustrations or.

482

Yeah, or challenges that you face.

483

What are the particular frustrations you may

484

encounter?

And then how do you actually look after your

485

own mental health and well being, given your

role?

486

Brandie: Yeah, I think sometimes, I think when

I first started a few years ago, I used to

487

think I was Jesus Christ, I could save

everybody and I tried to do everything and

488

then I would just feel so overwhelmed because

I'm thinking, ah, this person, you know,

489

sometimes you just want to grab the person and

say, can't you just see?

490

And then over time, you learn, you know, it

doesn't work like that.

491

Even though somebody needs help, there's

nothing you can do until they're ready and to

492

get help.

493

And sometimes it's accessing resources

494

because, you know, the government now, there's

a lot of cuts, you know, here and there.

495

So sometimes it can be a challenge to get

resources and people are already traumatised,

496

you know, having to make calls, contact, care,

referrals and a lot of things, especially when

497

maybe children are in the.

498

The police are involved.

499

There's a lot of things that go with this

thing.

500

So sometimes those are challenges and me

trying to be the saviour of the world, so

501

sometimes that can happen.

502

But over time, with experience, one thing I've

503

learned is I can't save everybody.

504

I can only do my bits and do it well.

505

And I. Work is work.

506

Whatever I'm doing, it stays there.

507

I try and enjoy a land where I don't take it,

I don't suck it in.

508

Yeah.

509

I feel the empathy and compassion towards

510

people at the same time.

511

It's not a burden for me to carry.

512

So I've learned to separate the two and, you

know, make sure I'm able to support, but at

513

the same time, not soaking the pressure in and

going, not sleeping at night because of the

514

person I spoke to, I wouldn't do that.

515

But it's taking me time.

516

And I also decompress as well.

517

I have somebody I report to even in my role

518

with women.

519

So I would talk about my experiences, get

520

advice, because it's very necessary.

521

You also.

522

They said a counsellor needs a counsellor.

523

So it's very important that you have, you

524

know, mentors and support around you because

of all the information you're taking in.

525

Yeah.

526

So that's how I kind of get the balance for

527

myself.

528

MaryLayo: Sure. And, like, how would, how

would someone.

529

Because this is tricky.

530

This.

531

How would someone who maybe suspects that

someone they know is being abused, you know,

532

domestically, you know, unless you've got firm

evidence or someone's specifically spoken to

533

you, you can't just wade in.

534

So how, what's the kind of advice you would

535

give to someone who suspects that, whether

it's a friend or a family member or a

536

colleague, who suspects that, you know, that

person, that contact is being domestically

537

abused?

538

Brandie: Yes. So I think with this thing,

sometimes it's, like I said, it's so easy.

539

Everybody wants to save.

540

Everybody think, oh, yes, they're going

541

through, but this thing, there's also a danger

to doing that because you can put the person

542

at risk in you trying to save them.

543

So when somebody comes and says, oh, I suspect

544

so, so, so, so this person is going through

this, the first thing is just have a

545

conversation with them, not necessarily about

the abuse.

546

When you give them clues, like, this is what

it looks like when somebody's abused this and

547

this, these are the signs to look out for.

548

And then you talk to them, not going directly

549

to them, say, oh, you're being abused or stuff

like that.

550

But you kind of speak to them like, oh, ask

questions, I don't know, direct.

551

But you pick up on clues, you know, being

around them.

552

Sometimes you don't need to even.

553

They don't need to tell you, you know, it's so

554

obvious to everybody else apart from the

person that has been abused.

555

Just be gentle with them, be patient.

556

Just highlight a few things to them and let

557

them think about it.

558

Don't go and throw posters in their living

559

room and put it on the, you know, send them

text messages or YouTube videos.

560

Oh, do you know the science of domestic?

It doesn't work.

561

And, you know, you can put the person, the

person can just be with the abuser and say,

562

oh, do you know this person said, sends me

this thing.

563

What?

And the person, like, oh, what's going on?

564

So these things, there is a caveat to it.

565

Sometimes it's just about being there for

566

them, you know, gently, you know, always

trying to just sometimes just say, hmm, how is

567

this?

You think this is right?

568

You know, as believers, if I was talking to a

fellow believer, I would say, use the word of

569

God and bring the word of God into the

picture.

570

What does God say about this?

What is God's love?

571

What does that look like?

See, when you begin to counsel somebody with

572

the word of God, it begins to enlighten them

and they begin to see differently.

573

So you just use that as a yardstick.

574

But then on a secular level, you just be

575

friends with them, be a listening ear.

576

They always get to the end of themselves.

577

Honestly.

578

Abuse your emotions will get to a limit where

579

you can't take it anymore, and then you seek

for help.

580

Most times it happens like that.

581

But if there's a danger at the same time, then

582

you have to, you know, step in, especially

when children are involved as well.

583

You have to overrule that confidentiality

thing, not just wait until they are dead.

584

You have to take a step and help them in that

situation.

585

If there's a danger, a risk to life, but

there's no set rule.

586

I would say you just each situation as it

comes, you deal with it.

587

MaryLayo: So then lastly, I would ask if

someone is actually listening to this and they

588

are in an abusive relationship, what advice

would you like to leave for them?

589

Brandie: Okay. Wow, interesting.

590

What I would say is there is always hope.

591

There's no situation that is hopeless.

592

You are precious, you are loved and you are

593

what?

Every time, you know, every investment, you're

594

worth it.

595

So don't feel like you're disturbing anybody

596

like I would do.

597

Some people just feel like you're disturbing

598

somebody but don't feel like that, you know,

there is help available.

599

Resources are available to help you.

600

If you're experiencing domestic abuse, reach

601

out for help.

602

There are organisations that can help you.

603

There is no judgement, there is no shame

involved.

604

You are not defined by abuse.

605

Reach out for help.

606

You are very precious.

607

You are very precious.

608

So please don't, if you're even in doubt, just

pick up that phone and make that phone call.

609

Call that helpline, call that friend, call,

whatever it is that you need to.

610

Just make that phone call.

611

And that will be the first step to a new

612

journey that will bring out the best of who

you are.

613

There is hope after abuse is not the end.

614

So please, please reach out and there is help

615

available for you.

616

Thank you and God bless.

617

MaryLayo: Thank you, Brandie.

618

I just want to echo those words about, you

619

know, there being hope and for someone to

reach out and pick up that phone or talk to

620

that person or that use that helpline,

whatever out there that's available, that

621

there is hope.

622

Brandie: All right.

623

MaryLayo: Thank you so much, brandy, for

sharing on this challenging but very prevalent

624

issue that we know happens and often behind

closed doors.

625

So thank you so much for sharing.

626

Brandie: So openly on domestic and thank you

for having me.

627

It's been a pleasure speaking to you.

628

Thank you.

629

MaryLayo: Here's a spiritual wellness tip for

you to meditate on.

630

It's John, chapter ten, verse ten, and it

reads, the thief comes only to steal and kill

631

and destroy.

632

I have come that they may have life and have

633

it to the full.

634

Thanks for listening.

635

Do follow and join me again next time on

beyond the smile with MaryLayo.