Show Notes for The Aspiring Psychologist Podcast Episode: 23: How to support an aspiring psychologist – or ask for the support you need!

Thank you for listening to the Aspiring Psychologist Podcast.

Being an Aspiring Psychologist can be challenging! Supporting an Aspiring Psychologist can be tricky too! If you, or someone you know, needs some guidance on how to support someone pursuing a career in psychology, then this episode is for you. I hope it helps you help them!

The Highlights:

• 00:28: We need compassion
• 01:42: Helping others help us and helping ourselves
• 03:12: The sound of my voice when I can be bothered!
• 04:21: Episode 21 with Lucy Johnstone
• 05:25: My biggest fans!
• 06:16: Toothpaste on my top YouTube video!
• 07:14: Why do we choose this path?!
• 08:40: Psychology is part of me
• 09:44: I don’t watch the clock all day!
• 10:49: Hearing my client’s stories
• 11:52: Overcoming obstacles
• 12:42: Relocating for a job
• 13:55: Just listening can help!
• 14:56: Talking about trauma and episode 19
• 16:01: ACT and my latest jingle!
• 17:18: Testimonial
• 17:48: How do you get 2 carers get through doors?!
• 18:52: Show us you care!
• 20:08: Living around deadlines
• 21:09: How hard it can all feel!
• 22:16: More compassion, less invalidation
• 23:18: This is how you can help us
• 24:15: Relationship breakdowns
• 25:17: Researching trainee relationship breakdowns
• 26:07: Grow together and rewiring mbrains!
• 27:09:  Sleep and life changes
• 28:09: It doesn’t end with an offer
• 29:21: Signing up to the Aspiring Psychologist Membership (01.07.22), be kind to yourselves and take care!

Links: Connect socially with Marianne and check out ways to work with her including the upcoming Aspiring Psychologist Book and the Aspiring Psychologist membership on her Linktree:

https://linktr.ee/drmariannetrent

• To check out The Clinical Psychologist Collective Book: https://amzn.to/3jOplx0 

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00:28:

Hi, welcome along to the aspiring psychologist podcast. I, as you might know, by now, even if just from the jingles, I am Dr. Maryanne, Trent and I am here to make this whole process a little bit more. Like, it feels like it's on your side and hopefully like, um, you have some control and some compassion, someone that gets it, someone that gets why this is important to you. And I would hope that I am not the only person in your life who does see you, who does see why this is important to you and support you with it. But I know that we sometimes can be very different than the families where we were raised. We can be different than those we are around, and that can make us feel a bit more lonely, actually a little bit less supported than would be ideal or maybe those who are around you just, you know, they try their best, but they don't really get it.

01:42:

Um, I was speaking to my personal trainee yesterday and she was, um, a midwife originally. And we were talking, um, a bit of a personal professional reflection as I was strength training. But we were talking about what it's like working, um, in a service where you are caring for others. And when you are surrounded by people who don't work in that same kind of zone, that same realm and how hard it can be for people who might be working in very different environments, who might have very different job roles, um, to really grasp what it is that we are doing. So this, um, episode of the podcast is kind of, yeah, it's for the people around you, but it's also for you to use this, hopefully as a bit of a reflective space to think about what it is that you need optimally. And whether, you know, when we're on model for thinking about complex trauma, which is my specialty, um, whether we are thinking now that we are grown, whether we can perhaps do some of the things that would help us to feel optimally supported, but do them for ourselves, um, rather than waiting for someone to come and rescue us, which may or may not happen.

03:12:

So you might be listening to this because you do love and care for someone who is an aspiring psychologist and they thought it might be helpful for you to listen to. Um, I know that, um, someone recently contacted me and to say that her partner already listens to this, not because he has any interest in psychology, but because he likes my voice and she did do a bit of a funny emoji then. So , um, thank you to you, whoever you are that is listening. And if you are the partner concerned, she might well be jabbing you in the ribs now and saying, yeah, that's you that's you. Um, so let's, um, also, you know, compared to the previous episode that I filmed, um, which was, um, how to be a psychologist when you're not in the mood. Um, please note that my audio is hopefully sounding a whole heap better because today dear listeners, I can be bothered.

04:21:

Um, and actually I've had more comments about the, I can't be bothered. Um, I'm not in the mood. Um, and that combined with, um, the comments, um, regarding the brilliant episode that I did with Lucy Johnston, um, than any, um, of the other episodes that I have, um, released so far, um, it really resonated with people. Um, well obviously Lucy Johnson's did, she's incredible. That's, uh, a really strong episode to listen to on, um, formulation and the power threat, meaning framework. If you haven't caught that already, then please do that is episode number 21. Um, the episode number 22 was yeah. How to be a psychologist when you're not in the mood. And that really has resonated with people. It's really helped them feel seen, you know, and heard, which is a very nice position to be in that people do go out of their way to say, God, I loved that.

05:25:

That was really good. Um, and someone else has been in contact with me about the psychiatry episode. They really found that useful and, you know, really opened their eyes to thinking about, um, whether, you know, how important, um, the history of mental health is. So yeah, if you particularly enjoyed one of the episodes or maybe all of the episodes and you are like touting to be my biggest fan, um, maybe you are like my children and you think I should also have merch. Um, I don't see it coming anytime soon, but you know, if you were to indeed by merch, let me know. let me know. My children will be delighted. I feel like cuz I've mentioned my children. I do now need to say what they say to me all the time, which is mommy, do ask them to subscribe to you on LinkedIn.

06:16:

Do you ask them to like, do you ask them to comment? So if you are on, um, did I just say LinkedIn I'm like LinkedIn obsessed come and engage with me on LinkedIn by all means, but I was talking about YouTube. So, um, yeah, come along on YouTube at the moment, you won't be able to actually see my lovely face, um, because I'm wearing headphones. Um, I'm wearing a green top that actually I have spilled a bit of toothpaste on I won't lie. Um, and so I am not Canberra ready. Um, but you can still stream this content via YouTube. Um, so yeah, if you are over on YouTube or if you're like multitasking as we are pretty good at doing, um, in psychology, um, then just, you know, flick across to good thinking psychological services on YouTube and just flick across to good thinking psychological services on YouTube and come and like everything comment, engage, do all those wonderful things.

07:14:

You could even click the notification be couldn't you whilst you're there, go on. My children are gonna throw me a party when I get to 200 subscribers. So come on help make that happen. You can do it. You've got the power. Anyway. I digress as I tend to do at times because it's hard talking to yourself. when you're just looking at a podcast, Mike, um, I find that I go to various wonderful places anyway. So, so you are perhaps listening to this episode because you' either an aspiring psychologist yourself or because you love and care about someone who is, um, and you know, sometimes people tell me that people go, oh, well, you know, why, why, why would you do this? If you don't have to, you know, given that it's so competitive to get places or, you know, if you're going into counseling psychology, given that you have to self fund and there's many, many, many hoops to jump through for things like forensic, why would you bother, you know, why don't you just go and get yourself, you know, a better paid job, you know, you know, that people that you were at university with, um, you know, they're now earning X amount, you know, they're not having to study every weekend, you know, looks like they're having a great time on Facebook, um, or Instagram, cuz you're probably younger and cooler than me.

08:40:

Um, but yeah, and it's like, oh, I don't really, I don't feel that seen or I don't feel that heard because, um, let me tell you how it was for me it felt, and it feels like this profession is part of me. Um, you know, it was always going to come to fruition. That's how it felt to me once I decided what I wanted to do, I felt just that, you know, so my husband was really surprised when we met. He was like, why haven't you got more hobbies? Like what do you do? And I'm like, well, you know, I do a bit of Pilates and I sing in the shower. Um, you know, I like hanging out with my friends. He's like, yeah, but you don't, you don't do anything. I was like, well, dunno, I'm alright with that. I'm alright with that.

09:44:

Um, and I, you know, on reflection think it's because I so enjoy my job, that I haven't been looking for like distractions or reasons to get up each day, you know, and counting down the hours when I'm at work. Um, because generally as I said in the, I can't be bothered podcast episode, generally. I love what I do. And it feels like a real honor that I get to do it. And for someone who doesn't feel that way about their work, you know, perhaps they're living for the weekends rather than living, um, to work. And I wouldn't say I'm living to work, but it feels like I get to bring myself to work. Um, I do probably laugh a bit less when I'm at work, although my clients are very funny sometimes as well. So that's not always true, but um, you know, it's yeah, I, it's not a hardship doing my job.

10:49:

Um, and it feel well, it is sometimes , it is sometimes, you know, when we're working with incredibly complex clients that just, you know, it makes you feel sad for what they have been through. That's one of the hardest parts of my job is to, to just think how mean and awful people can be, um, to one another and also to themselves too. Um, and that's part of, you know, my thinking around compassion focused therapy as well is we have to be able to embrace how awful humans can be to ourselves and to others as well. Um, but yeah, how, if you are listening to this, can you support an aspiring psychologist without invalidating them even accidentally, you know, by suggesting they can do something else? Um, so sometimes that might be useful. So I know when I was, um, an aspiring psychologist myself, I was applying to jobs all over the country.

11:52:

You know, at one point I had an interview offered to me in the lake district and one in Nottingham. Um, and I was living, um, close to Milton Keens and working there currently. And I was also, um, doing, uh, a distance learning masters, which was based in Birmingham. Um, and that's a lot, you know, I was also recovering from a car crash and I'd broken up with my partner. That's a lot to be going through. Um, and then to suddenly be having to dart around to different, um, different interviews. I also had one at bur an interview in Birmingham at the same time I seemed to recall as well. And I just felt like one day I just thought, oh, I can't, I can't do all of this. You know, it feels, it feels too much, you know, um, I'd hit a bit of a wall and I just thought, oh, what am I doing?

12:42:

Um, and I almost needed permission from my mom to say, why don't you, you know, cancel the lake district interview because maybe upon reflection, you didn't quite realize how far the lake district was from our house. and you know, that's just, cuz you're not that good at geography. That's not one of your special skills Marianne. Um, and you know, just think about the jobs that will lead to less upheaval. And so, you know, when you are supporting your loved one and they're thinking about applying to jobs, you could help think with them about the real world impact of upping sticks and moving your entire life. You know, not to say don't do it, but just to, at the point where they're even applying for jobs, think about whether they, you know, what the factors would be involved. Um, and when they have still chosen to apply and maybe it hasn't worked out or they have had that moment, like I had where I was just collapsed, crying on the stairs, you know, just so out of resources, what they might most need at that point is a hug not.

13:55:

And I told you so, um, because you know, I know when I was speaking to my personal trainer, we were talking about actually it's being really useful to have someone who can just listen. Um, not someone who tries to fix the problem, not someone who, you know, goes into problem solving mode. And I know that in our industry, in psychology, we can't really share details about our work. Um, but we can bring up with you details about the themes that it evokes in us. And for me, yeah. Like I said, it's, you know, as I, as I reflect upon this, now I'm thinking about key images that you do sometimes get a bit stuck with. And I guess that's almost like a bit of vicarious trauma. Um, and it's thinking about, um, you know, whether we might need some help processing some of those memories that get a bit stuck.

14:56:

So I'm not gonna share mine with you. I don't wanna vicariously traumatize you, but it's certainly useful to talk about this stuff, um, with your supervisor or with someone that you love, if it isn't breaking confidentiality, because what we know about, um, trauma and what we know about things that do get stuck in our minds, um, is that it makes us think like we shouldn't talk about them or think about them or we can't cope with thinking about them. But what we also know about treating trauma is that when we begin to be able to accept, what's happened to think about what's happened and to control what's happened. And if you do like, um, the idea of acceptance and control, you could also try it listening, um, to, um, the podcast episode with the lovely psychologist who wrote, um, act made Yorkshire, um, which you can also download, um, from all of your favorite podcast empires I shall say.

16:01:

Um, so yeah, um, act can be really, um, transformational for clients, but also for us as aspiring psychologists as well. But what we know is when we are able to manipulate and explore and think about those things, that little tend hooks that trauma has got into us are kind of freed up. And if you can imagine I grew up with cats, but you know, they'd, they'd get those little birds in their fur and you have to try and ease them out and then they're not bothering the cat anymore. Um, so yeah, trauma can be a little bit like that needs a little bit of help getting out of the fur that it's got stuck into. Okay. Let's pause here. And you're getting a little exclusive, um, of the first play of my own little jingle. Um, you may have heard it already, if you are already connected to two me on LinkedIn, if you are on LinkedIn, um, or if you are registered on LinkedIn, you can click on my face. Um, and this video will play to you and I'm even like a little bit dancey in it as well. So who doesn't wanna see that? Right. Um, but yeah, if you would like to watch some audio to go with this visual, you know what to do, go to LinkedIn and click my face. You've got permission, go on.

17:18:

Mary is here to help aspiring psychologist. She can help you become a success. She has books, podcast Q she's here to help in so many ways.

17:48:

Okay. So welcome back. Um, if you are supporting someone that you love, that you care about very much, um, as an aspiring psychologist, then sometimes, um, we might need a little bit of help, um, with just, you know, feeling like someone that does care for us. Um, I've often thought how weird it would be to date another carer, you know, to date a nurse or, um, a doctor or, you know, an occupational therapist or, um, another psychologist. Gosh, that would be weird for me. Um, someone that's also, you know, used to being in the care profession, um, you know, how would you ever get through a door if you are both, if you are both really, you know, selfless, caring people, you know, is it not like constantly? Oh no. After you? Oh no, no. After you, I insist, um, you know, , how does that get done?

18:52:

So if you are in a relationship with someone else who also is in the caring profession, do let me know what that's like for you, cuz I've only ever really dated people in management in sales. Um, , I dunno what that's about, you know, could probably formulate that, but that's just the kind of people that I've ended up with. Um, and my husband definitely fits that camp as well. So, um, yeah, some, but sometimes, you know, what we need is someone to know that we are at, uh, you know, the end of a tricky week or even a tricky day. And when we get in, you know, there's a bath run for us and you know, there's a spaghetti Boase underway. And then, you know, whilst we don't advocate drinking, um, if there happened to be a glass of wine on the table with dinner, that might be ultra lovely, you know, and I think if you are studying whilst you are working or if you are striving, generally, it can be really useful if you've got a partner or even if you have just got, um, you know, someone else that you care about that's in your life to help make sure they know about any upcoming deadlines and submission dates.

20:08:

So when we are in academia, we usually will have submission dates given to us, like for the whole course, basically I think I had the whole, the whole lot of submission dates for all of my essays, you know, almost like two years ahead of schedule three years ahead of schedule. And so I could predict and plan, you know, leave in around those. And, um, you know, it's useful if, if someone else has also got that in mind as well. Um, because then, you know, if you do try to book, you know, some trip that's close to it, you know, it's just worth that conversation of well, you know, but you have obviously got that, um, that essay in at that time and similarly, um, you know, the, the period of September to spurring year, summer, um, can be tricky for aspiring psychologists because you don't know whether you might be called on for interview.

21:09:

Um, and, um, someone in my membership was telling me recently that, um, their partners found it very tricky, very tricky, knowing how to support them during this application and interview season. Um, and so let's think about that as well. So just holding in mind those important dates, um, you know, for things happening. Um, but also when, when people have got interviews, you know, it's quite normal at times to have like a, a crisis of confidence. So, um, even on the day where I did my first ever private psychology appointment, I was just really highly strong. I was, you know, had all the imposter syndrome going on. I remember having a little sob at my kitchen sink, cuz I just was so worried about it, not working or someone thinking I wasn't good enough. Um, and it's really normal that we feel worried about things when we haven't done them before we can't expect ourselves to be an expert in something we haven't done before.

22:16:

And for me, the thing I hadn't done before was, was transact directly my time, um, for money with a client, cuz I'd always been paid by an employer before and this was, this was brand new for me. And that felt like all new kinds of levels of um, vulnerability and exposure. Um, and so, you know, what you wouldn't want to be doing in that circumstance is kind of invalidating that and saying, you know, you, you do this all the time. You know, you've been qualified for years. Um, you know, I don't get it, you know, cuz that's invalidating the way someone's feeling. Um, you know, a more compassionate stance of where's really normal to feel like this. Um, because this is a big deal, you know, this matters. So whether you could think about just shaping your, your language to be more, um, yeah, more compassionate and more on board with what your loved one is bringing to you.

23:18:

So they're not asking you to fix it. They're just asking you to kind of sit with them in their distress really. Um, so whether you could just take a breath lower your own shoulders and just, you know, maybe give them a hug and say, you know, I think this is gonna be okay. I think we've you, you know, you just got to be there, go out there, show them your brilliant self. Um, and then I will be here for you at the tail end of the day and we can chat through how it went. Um, and we'll just see how that goes. So you are regularly running baths and making spaghetti bolognas you are on call, um, you know, for when things feel wobbly, you're mindful upcoming dates and importance of submission deadlines. You are like just fully available with hugs. Um, all of that stuff I'd say sounds like you are doing a grand job.

24:15:

Um, but sometimes, you know, this kind of work does take its toll. So, um, when, when, when we do start training, it's really common, um, for a number of relationships in the cohort to break down and for people to kind of, I don't know, we never quite worked out, whether it's a case of suddenly getting your ducks in a row that makes you look at other duck areas of your life and think whether that's working for you or whether it's the unique stresses and change that goes on throughout, you know, commuting, um, or whether it's, you know, just that, um, developing in this profession means that we do change and grow. And sometimes it means that we will grow in a different direction than people that we have been with previously. Um, and things can make, you know, can feel a little bit stagnant maybe.

25:17:

And so maybe that's a reason why relationships break down. But if you are listening to this, because you are with someone who is an aspiring psychologist, then it's perhaps useful for you to know that figure that stat. I don't know if there was been research done into it, but it is super common. So, you know, if you're looking for a thesis topic, anybody that might be one to look into, because certainly within my cohort alone, there was a number of breakups and there was in the year below and the year above there always is, you know, and it's because it's life, isn't it, life happens. Um, but yeah, it's, it's, um, worth bearing that in mind because if you don't want to be without this person that you are listening to this podcast about, then you are gonna need to make sure that you are on the same team.

26:07:

You know, that you are talking regularly, that you are, you know, on board with their goals as well. Um, and maybe even thinking about growing with them, um, or growing in some other area so that you are also energized. But when we start placements, um, when we start new job roles, when we are doing anything new for that matter, um, we can become a little bit like, um, our very much younger selves. So when, when babies are learning to do new things, um, their sleep can go haywire because they're processing and they're laying down all these new neural pathways. Um, they call them developmental leaps, um, in, in, in psychology, um, child development terms. Um, certainly the sleep gets even more Bonker something like I did. I think it was possible to be any worse than it was. I was wrong. I was naive. I'm sorry.

27:09:

I'm sorry. Um, and I think the same is true of new placements and new jobs and new theories that we are learning. Our sleep can go equally bonkers, you know, and it's just knowing that that will pass knowing that the person that you love or if you are listening to us because it's, you, you are the person you love, um, you know, just expecting and, um, knowing that that will settle down, it's just really normal, um, that we, that we have that way of processing, you know, that our sleep can go a bit bonkers. So if this time will pass, um, but yeah, knowing that it can be really stressful. So even within most, um, doctoral courses where there's placements, there will be at least six placements across a three year period. That's a lot of change. It's a lot of new people to learn, you know, um, faces and names and different systems.

28:09:

And some of these, you know, placements might use different operating systems. It's a lot to learn. There's really a great many steep learning curves. And so it's just knowing what your loved one is going to be going through as they, you know, embark upon, then these next stages of their career. It isn't a case of getting, you know, that doctoral offer or whatever. And then it's plain sailing. It is tricky. You know, there's a lot of hoops to jump through. Um, and knowing that if a placement isn't going so well, that that is going to really impact on that person. And they might need you all the more with your arms and your spaghetti Boase. So I hope that you've found this, um, a really helpful thought provoking, compassionate episode as ever. I would welcome any thoughts that you've got around any of this, and if you've got any special requests for podcast episodes, um, please do, um, get in contact with me and you can do that, um, with the details in the show notes section or on my link tree, um, which is Dr.

29:21:

Maryanne, Trent, um, on link tree. Um, any other points that I would like to talk to you about? Um, let me have a little think about that. Yes. If you, um, do like what I talk about and the kind of things I help you with, then you might find it helpful to sign up to my aspiring psychologist membership waiting list, which opens again on the 1st of July 20, 22, you can come and come and get involved. And when that opens, I will let you know, and you can come and book on, but it's a really nice membership group. People are finding it very supportive, um, and you know, helpful, energizing, um, all of that stuff. So if that sounds like something that might be useful for you then do come along to that, I'm also going to be setting up a free Facebook group, um, which is as yet untitled . So watch this space. I think that might be about it for now. Um, but yeah, do come and connect with me on socials. I love helping you celebrate. And if you've got any thoughts about this episode, or if you like to record a testimonial for me to appear within the podcast about any of my work and content, then do please, um, get in contact. Otherwise, thank you for listening and do stay very kind to yourselves. Won't you take care if