#121 Bust five happiness myths that hold you back

Hello Happiness Seekers, my name is Klaudia and welcome to the Happiness Challenge. So far in the latest series of the Happiness Challenge we had 28 episodes featuring 9 absolutely amazing guests,

experts within their fields. And I actually counted and I have tested total of 36 happiness hacks. And within my journey of test driving the best happiness hikes that science has on offer,

it became very obvious to me that we actually hold some myths about happiness. And when I say a myth, I mean a traditional story or widely held belief that we encounter day -to -day,

but one that is actually not supported by science. And the issue of carrying those myths is that they do influence our choices and therefore our happiness.

So in this episode I'm going to highlight five common myths about happiness. I'm going to present you with scientific research that passed those myths and I'm going to provide you with one practical action of how can you ensure that you are challenging that myth in your day -to -day life.

Let's begin! So, myth number one, all I want in life is just to be happy,

and it sounds very simple, and we may often say that to ourselves, and yet according to research, even if we truly, truly want to be happy, we often tend to forget to concentrate on our happiness,

and we spent very little time learning how to be happy. So let me demonstrate this. Imagine going about your day as usual when a genie appears before you,

and I know this is very much a stretch, but let's just go with it. So we have an all -powerful genie and it offers you to grant you three wishes. And of course,

in one breath, you decide what you really, really wish for. And everyone will ask for different aspects. We will ask for everything that's supposed to make us happy,

family, money, health, love, fame, you name it. But isn't that strange that we'll ask for things that will potentially make us happy or supposed to make us happy,

but we will not ask for happiness itself? even though we think to ourselves that, well, I just want to be happy. And this phenomenon of asking for ways to achieve happiness rather than happiness itself is actually known to researchers as happiness paradox.

And we all suffer from that happiness paradox. And in practice, it means that we perceive happiness as this ultimate goal in life, but actually along the way we tend to devalue happiness and we stop concentrating on it.

Because let's be honest, as responsible adults and grown -ups we tend to spend much more time thinking about making money, finding a perfect partner, getting that desired slim body,

then on learning on how to be happy. So the idea for action here is to add happiness to your to -do list. Color code your to -do list.

All the productivity tasks, red, all the admin life and home chores, blue. Actions and tasks that contribute to your well -being and happiness, green. Time with friends and family,

yellow. How is your to -do list looking? How many actions do you have on your list that actually contribute to your happiness and well -being directly.

Really important to add happiness to your to -do list. Myth 2. When I'll be successful then I'll be happy.

So this myth is very much based on our conventional wisdom that certain conditions need to be met before we can be happy. So from very early age we are told that first we need to be successful,

we need to achieve certain things in life, and then we'll be happy. And this is known as the mindset of, if only fill the gap here,

then I'll be happy. If only I get that promotion, then I will be happy. If only I find that ideal partner, then I'll be happy. If only we move a house, then I'll be happy.

And once we're busy achieving another prerequisite for happiness, researchers are very clear that if we are happy right now, we will be more successful in the future.

And it's not magical, there is nothing magical happening here. It's simply because our brain performs better when we feel positive and happy,

rather than when we feel neutral, or we have some negative emotions. So that in turn translates that we become more resilient,

we become more productive, we become more creative. That is, happy brain means that we are more resilient, productive and creative. And of course, with such skills,

we are able to then achieve more things in life and more positive outcomes. For example, with such a skills as a doctor, you will perform 90 % faster and give more accurate diagnosis.

As a salesperson, if you have higher level of happiness, you will outperform your colleagues by 56%. Being happy at work, having those skills means that you have excellent performance and you are 40 % more likely to receive a promotion or a pay rise.

And this phenomenon of happiness, meaning success, does not only relate to work, it has been consistently showed that happier people have more fulfilling relationships,

better health, and they live longer. So idea for action here is start your day with activity that boosts your happiness to really set you up for that day.

Again, you can choose whatever method suits you. It can be meditation, exercise, cold shower, gratitude, walking the park, whatever it is, but you need something that boosts your happiness before the day starts so you are feeling happy and set for the rest of the day.

If three, happiness is about toxic positivity and avoiding negative emotions. So great, the only thing we need to do is to feel happy all the time,

right? We just need to maintain that happiness no matter what. No, not matter what. Smile when you don't feel it, laugh in the face of difficulties, stay positive despite all the challenging in life.

And actually that's not the case. These aspects are not indicators of positive well -being and happiness. Happiness is not about avoiding difficult emotions, faking being happy when we are actually at our low.

All emotions, the challenging ones, anger, grief, frustrations, they are absolutely necessary for us to grow and flourish and they need to be accepted and experienced.

While Toxic positivity is very much about pretending that negative emotions do not exist, that certain problems do not exist in our life. Happiness is about noticing and celebrating the positive emotions and positive events that are still there even in the midst of lots of difficulties that we might be experiencing.

That's the difference. And Barbara Rickson is a leading scholar within positive psychology who propose a concept of positivity ratio. And that formula confirms that to maintain positive well -being,

we need three positive emotions for every negative feeling we experience. So if we be low, that ratio will get into negative spiral and start experiencing burnout.

If we reach or above the three to one ratio will sustain that upward spiral of happiness. But notice, it's not three to zero.

Barbara Fitzsunders and me says no negative emotions. She basically says that yes, life gets tough. We need to acknowledge all our emotions and that's what builds our happiness.

And actually, even though sometimes it may easier to brush off our challenging emotions, research shows that trying to avoid, suppress or control these emotions causes the mind to think about the difficult events for longer,

rethinking, reliving them repeatedly and really dwelling on those events. So ironically, by trying to avoid negative Because this actually results in experiencing more negative feelings than if we would have faced them straight away.

So to bust this myth, the idea for action is to incorporate practices that help you to accept and process more challenging emotions. And one way to do this is to practice mindfulness.

Simple techniques like naming the emotion that we are feeling, taking a deep breath for 90 seconds decreases their intensity,

allows us to process those emotions and give us that mindful break before we take the next action. And I also love the research on positivity ratio because it helps me also to balance any hectic or particular difficult day with positive experiences.

So if I had a very tough day or I know that I will have a difficult day, I often then schedule events or activities that helps me to balance that day with some positive emotions,

restful activities, events or activities that make me smile so that I know that I won't go into that negative spiral. And that's very, very important,

especially when it comes to burnout. Okay, so we are at myth number four.

Concentrating on your happiness or self -care is selfish. Again, a very common myth, that idea of feeling guilty when we're concentrating on our happiness and self -care,

how can we even be considering happiness in the face of inequality, climate change, war and violence in the world, and in day -to -day life,

how we can be taking that time to concentrate on our happiness when we have all this never -ending list of undone chores,

commitment, demands and requests from others. And again, this is a myth that is completely backwards because helping others,

being good parents, sibling, partner, colleague at work, citizen in the society relies on our energy, resources and time. And being kind beyond our means results in burnout.

There are so many different studies showing that people who have carrying responsibilities 24 hours, seven days a week with no rest or additional support are likely to get more depressed than those who have time to rest,

recover and concentrate on their happiness. We also now know that when we are helping out of obligation or because we are under pressure to be kind,

we are more likely to experience frustration or resentment rather than that happiness. And most importantly, if we are happy, we are more considerate and kind to others.

Research shows that happy people are more generous with their donations to important causes and under time to volunteer in local communities. They are more optimistic about the future,

so they actively engage in challenges around them and take actions to consider well -being of other people, well -being of future generations. And finally,

being happy leads to kindness. When we are happy, we are more open, we are more kind to other people. And that creates a ripple effect across our social network and really ultimately contributing to building a happier communities and happier society.

So happiness, our own happiness, our own self -care is absolutely crucial for building a better world. So idea for action here, schedule a restful hour just for yourself.

and rest is about different type of activities that can help you to unwind, calm your mind, to recharge your body. It's about being kind to yourself and giving yourself time to engage in different types of rest so that you can be kind there to others.

And we have seven different types of rest for you to consider. So research shows that we can really switch off by engaging in different types of activities and different types of rest.

So we have a physical rest, so any restorative activities such as exercise, yoga, stretching, favorite workout, walking. Mental rest, so activities that help us to switch off from daily thinking.

It could be journaling, meditating, listening to a podcast, watching your favorite show. Sensory rest, so actions that give your senses a rest, so really a screen break,

having a digital detox, anything that calms down your senses. Creative rest, any activities that tap into your creative juices and if any opportunity to get creative gives us really rounded rest.

Emotional rest, so this is having time to stop and reflect how we're feeling, how we would like to feel, check in with our emotions, social rest,

so spending time with people who make us feel energized, make us feel good about ourselves, and finally, spiritual rest. So any activities that provide that greater sense of purpose,

connection, such as volunteering, appreciating nature, meditating, praying, et cetera. So remember, really taking time to rest ensures that you are happier,

which in turn makes you a kinder and more considerate person. Rest is not selfish. And the final myth is I'm just naturally not a happy person.

Okay, I'm just not that happy. That's what it is. And this is very interesting myth because, well, there is a tiny grain of truth in that, because, yes,

our happiness is determined by our genes to some extent. This is called as our happiness set point. So a level of happiness from which we fluctuate above or below,

but researches shows that only 50 % of our happiness is actually determined by our genetics. 10 % of our happiness is determined by our life circumstances,

so of course if challenging things are happening around us, our happiness may go down. But what actually has a massive impact on our happiness is that's reminding 40%.

And that 40 % is all about activities and habits that we repeat daily. So people who are happy have happiness boosting habits that help them to really sustain that positive well -being every day.

So idea for action here is review your daily habits, spend the week writing down your daily habits from when you wake up until you go to sleep and then score them one doesn't really contribute to my happiness or it's not very much relevant to my happiness and five this really supports my happiness and then have a look at your list and have a think which habits would you like to change what habits are maybe missing

from your list that you would like to incorporate you would like to add them to your list to help you to sustain your happiness and if you are looking for some happiness boosting habits inspiration.

You can join my free webinar that I'm running on 24th of July at 6pm on how to create well -being habits that stick. You can register on Eventbrite.

You can also listen to Happiness Research Campaign. I've done this campaign back in January because I always feel so gloomy and blue in January and with lots of different experts,

I have introduced 25 happiness hacks that you could try out and incorporate easily in your day to see how they impact your happiness. But we can shape our happiness by building a positive happiness boosting habits.

So here we are, we have five specific myths that may be around us and five actions that we can take to bust those myths. So here we are, we have five myths and five actions that we can take to bust those myths so they are not undermining your happiness.

And I really hope you have found this episode helpful. I know that it was very insightful for me to understand that there's lots of different myths and conventional wisdom that I feel or I believe or I see about happiness but that's not necessarily supported by research and we can be acting and thinking about happiness a little bit differently.

Look out for my next newsletter only until when I will summarize this information presented in the episode but again thank you so much for listening I see you in the next episode and as always I dare you to be happy.

Bye!

Share Episode

Shownotes

Transcripts

Follow

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube