What if the core issue behind marriage struggles, family tension, and relational conflict is far deeper than habits, personalities, or communication styles? Part 1 of this two-part message opens Ephesians 5 to expose the overlooked root that quietly shapes our relationships and introduces God’s remedy for lasting change. This episode sets the foundation for understanding why conflicts persist—and why real transformation begins in an unexpected place.

Checkout these other Family Fortress Ministries Podcasts:

TIME FOR THREE daily couples devotional: https://time-for-three.captivate.fm/listen

FORTIFYING YOUR FAMILY: https://fortifying-your-family.captivate.fm/listen

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Welcome to the Fortifying youg Family Podcast.

It can be daunting to navigate through an anti marriage and family culture.

Our teacher will expound biblical principles to help fortify our families and keep these sacred institutions strong.

And now, here's this week's teaching from Sam Wood.

What is the main cause of all marriage problems?

What is the main cause of parent child problems and conflicts?

What is the main problem or cause in families that end up that are failed families?

And I want to talk about that this morning.

And not just talk about the problem, but talk about what is God's solution to that problem.

I want you to turn with me, if you would, to Ephesians chapter 5.

And I want to start at verse 18 and I want to read down through the end of the chapter Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 18.

And I'll read down through verse 33.

And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father and the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body.

Therefore, as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands everything.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word, that he might present it to himself.

A glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies his.

He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as a Lord, the Church.

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.

Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Several years ago, the Minnesota Crime Commission released a statement that said, every baby starts life as a little savage.

He is completely selfish and self Centered.

He wants what he wants, when he wants it.

His bottle, his mother's attention, his playmate's toys, so forth.

Those of you who are parents know it's true.

How many of you have ever had your toddler throw a fit in line at the grocery store or Walmart because you told them they couldn't have a piece of candy or particular toy that they wanted?

This study went on to say, if permitted to continue in the self centered world of his infancy, given free reign to his impulsive actions to satisfy his or her wants, every child would grow up to be a criminal.

I believe there are a lot of selfish children today who are never instructed to deal with their selfishness and self centeredness, who've grown up into selfish individuals or selfish singles or self centered, selfish marriage partners where all we think about or they think about is me or myself.

And I think this is especially true in the baby boomer generation that we live in in America today.

Robert George of the New York Post wrote an article entitled the Worst Generation of All.

And in this article I quote, he said this.

The baby boomers are the most self centered, self seeking, self interested, self absorbed, self indulgent, self aggrandizing generation in human history.

Now think about it with me just practically here for a minute this morning.

The average couple in America today gets married when they're 27 years old.

In fact, that number is growing upward every year even as I speak.

But think about the average single young man or the average single young lady who graduates from high school when they're 18, typically goes to college perhaps, or they get an apartment and they start living by themselves.

By the time that you're 27 years old, you can grow to be pretty independent, pretty self centered, that is, you can take a young guy, I mean, he lives in an apartment by himself and listen, if he doesn't want to change his sheets on his bed till they fall off his bed, he doesn't have to.

If he doesn't want to wash his dishes until there's mold on the dishes, he doesn't have to wash his dishes.

If he wants to squeeze the toothpaste from the wrong end, he can squeeze the toothpaste from the wrong end.

If he wants to leave the toilet seat up, there's nobody to tell him to put it down.

I mean, by the time that you're 27 years old, you can be pretty independent.

And the same is true with a young lady.

I mean, she lives by herself until she's 27 years old and she can grow pretty Independent too.

There's nobody to tell her what she can do, what she can't do, what she can buy, what she can't buy.

Two people who are very, very independent all of a sudden come together and they get married and they're gloriously going to become one flesh and live happily ever after.

Now, before we get married, we put on a front.

I mean, you know, we say things like this.

Darling, let me open the door for you.

Can I get you anything to drink?

You remember those days?

Let me carry that bag for you, baby.

I know it's too heavy for you.

Hey, I don't.

Hey, you remember this?

Ladies, I don't mind going shopping with you.

You say I can't ever remember that.

Or guys, you remember when she told you I. Oh, sure, let's just.

I'll sit in and watch a football game with you.

That'll be fine.

You know.

You know, after we get married, the true self centered person shows up.

It's like we totally transform into another person.

We realize that we didn't marry Prince Charming, we didn't marry Cinderella.

What we married was a sinner.

We married a self centered mystic person.

You see, God wants us to understand that marriage is to be a we ism relationship between man, woman and God and not a meism relationship between two self centered individuals.

You say preacher, I've never heard of those words before.

Me ism and weism.

I hadn't either.

I made them up and so you get to put them in your dictionary today.

Now, meism isn't something new.

It started in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned long ago.

And what basically happened is they dethroned God and they enthroned themselves.

They became me centered instead of God centered.

Therefore, if you ask me, what is the main problem in every marriage relationship?

What is the main problem in every relationship?

Whether it's marriage or a parent, child relationship relationship, in this church, I would simply say it's me ism.

I've heard people say this also that marriage creates problems.

You ever heard anybody say that?

Listen, marriage doesn't create problems.

Marriage simply exposes problems that were already there, but they were never dealt with.

They were never resolved.

Do you know what a marital conflict is?

I read this not long ago and I thought it was very, very good.

It's my self life irritating your self life.

My ego irritating your ego.

It's my self life rubbing your self life the wrong way and you react against it.

All marriage conflicts, excuse me, are me ism conflicts.

All conflicts in all Relationships are meism conflicts.

Now look at the text again with me here this morning.

Because in our text, as we look at what I read to you this morning, the word of God, we see in verse 22 that God commands wife to submit to her husband.

In verse 25, God commands a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church.

In verse 28, God commands husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.

In verse 33, a husband is commanded to love his wife as himself.

And a wife is commanded to revere or to respect her husband.

In fact, if you were to go back even to the beginning of Ephesians 5, we're commanded to be imitators of God.

As dear children, we're commanded to walk in love.

We're commanded to walk in the light.

As a child of God, we're commanded to redeem the time.

We're commanded to walk in wisdom and not as fools.

And then we're commanded to be filled with the Holy Spirit of God.

Really, this chapter, these verses lay out God's perfect plan for our marriage relationships.

God perfect plan for our family relationships.

The unwillingness to follow God's plan in these verses exposes the problem of me ism in our life.

Now in light of these commands and what we see in chapter five, we're really presented with a great dilemma.

And the great dilemma is this.

How can two self centered mystic Christians who are married live a non selfish, non individualistic way, their marriage relationship?

And if you're here this morning, you're single.

How can I live the Christian life where my focus is not on me, but my focus is to esteem others better than myself?

How can I get rid of me ism in my marriage relationship?

How can I get rid of me ism in my life as a single person?

Now, Paul gives us an answer to this dilemma that we're presented with.

We look at this passage.

He gives it to us in verse 18.

Now look with me at verse 18.

He says, and be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit.

Be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit, the Holy Spirit of God.

Now I want to ask you a very, very personal question if you'll allow me to here this morning.

I know it's generally impolite to ask personal questions.

For example, you know, you should never go up to a woman and ask her how much she weighs.

Not very polite, probably wouldn't get by with that.

You're not to go up to a woman and ask her how old she is.

You're not to go up to someone and say, I like how you colored your hair, or, I like your hairpiece.

You know, that's not too nice.

But if you'll allow me this morning, I want to ask you a very personal question.

And the question is this.

Now, listen to me very closely.

And this is a question all of us need to address.

I think it would be no greater question for us as children of God than what I'm going to ask you right now.

And the question is this.

Are you filled with the Holy Spirit of God?

Are you filled with the Holy Spirit of God?

Now, there's only three possible answers to that question.

Either, yes, I am filled with the Holy Spirit of God, I know that.

Or, no, I'm not filled with the Holy Spirit of God.

Or the third answer is, I really don't know whether I'm filled with the Holy Spirit of God.

Unfortunately, I think there are many Christians who would answer in the latter.

And that is, I really do not know whether I'm filled with the Holy Spirit of God.

Now, the verb translated in verse 18, to be filled in the Greek language is in the imperative mood.

What that means is it's not a suggestion.

It's not a request.

It's a command that God gives us.

It's a command of the living God.

Now, we're never commanded to be baptized by the Spirit of God.

We never commanded to be indwelt by the Spirit of God or to be sealed by the Spirit of God.

But we are commanded to be filled with the Spirit of God.

You see, the baptism of the Holy Spirit lasts a lifetime.

The sealing of the Holy Spirit last lasts for all eternity.

But the filling of the Holy Spirit is to be renewed every day and day by day.

Now, it's interesting, as we look at this verse, that Paul contrasts being filled with someone who is drunk.

It says, be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess.

Now, that word, excess is a very interesting word.

It means to squander away.

In fact, it's the same word that's translated in the Story of the Prodigal Son, where it says he lived in riotous living.

That is, a drunkard who is controlled by alcohol will live in a riotous way, or he will squander his life away.

He will squander his time away.

He will squander his money away.

He will squander his family away.

I've seen it too many times.

He will squander his life away.

A man who is drunk is out of control and will squander his Life away.

Drinking listen throws you into a downward spiral where you're laying around in a gaze listening to country western music.

Now, a Christian who is not filled with the Holy Spirit is a Christian.

Listen, in the same way, if you're here today and you know the Lord Jesus Christ, your Lord and Savior, and you say, I'm a born again believer.

If you're here today and you're not filled with the Holy Spirit, then you're a Christian who will squander your time away.

If you're not filled with the Holy Spirit, you're a Christian who will squander your money away.

If you're not filled with the Holy Spirit, you're a Christian who will squander your life away.

Listen, a husband who's not filled with the Holy Spirit of God is a husband who is out of control.

A wife who's not filled with the Holy Spirit of God is a wife who's out of control.

And a family that's not filled with the Holy Spirit of God is a family that's out of control.

To be filled with the Spirit comes from God and not from man.

And it's something that God naturally does for us unless we resist him, unless we stifle him, unless we ignore him, or unless we quench Him.

Now, we need to understand.

Let me just say this.

We need to understand in our Christian life, apart from the Holy Spirit of God, if we're not walking in the Spirit, if we're not obeying this command of God, it's a sin against God.

God takes this very seriously and he wants us to understand that if we are not filled, we're not obeying this command to be filled with the Spirit of God.

We are sinning against God.

No husband and no wife can be the partner they ought to be without first being the person they ought to be.

And listen, you can't be the person you ought to be in your marriage relationship without being filled with the Holy Spirit.

God.

Now turn back a couple pages with me to Galatians, chapter five for just a second.

Let me just point something out to you for just a minute.

Look with me at Galatians chapter 5, and look with me at verse 16.

Paul says this.

This I say, then walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

Now look at verse 17.

For the flesh lusteth against what?

The Spirit.

So there's a war going inside us.

The flesh is warring against the Spirit and the spirit against the flesh.

So there's a great war going on within each of Us as a child of God.

The flesh warring against the spirit, the spirit warring against the flesh.

And these are contrary the one to the other.

So that you cannot do the things that that you would.

So we need to understand that there is a war within us.

And that war is between the flesh and it's between the Holy Spirit of God.

And we need to understand also that the one who fights this war is for us is the Holy Spirit of God.

It's a Holy Spirit, the walking in the Spirit.

It's the empowering of the Spirit.

It's living in the Spirit, controlling me and filling me that conquers the flesh in my life.

If I try to defeat the flesh in my own power, listen, I'll lose.

If you try to defeat the flesh in your own power, you will lose.

The Spirit of God fights the flesh for me.

Only the Spirit of God can get rid of the mystic self centeredness that's within my flesh.

Therefore I must reckon myself dead and allow the Holy Spirit of God to reign and take control of my life.

If I yield to the flesh, the flesh will win because God will.

If I yield to the flesh, the flesh will win because God will not force us.

Listen friends, God will not force us and force himself on us.

If I yield to the Holy Spirit of God, then the Holy Spirit of God will win the war for me.

Because the Holy Spirit of God is waging against the flesh that's within me.

Now look at verse 22.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness and faith.

Now I like this because Paul is picturing that within each one of us as a child of God, there's a tree.

And the Holy Spirit is like a tree within us that's planted within me.

And God plants this tree of the Holy Spirit that will yield the fruit of love, joy, peace.

So that I can get rid of of the leaves of self centeredness, selfishness, fornication, idolatry, hatred, envy.

All these fleshly leaves that would be within me.

So we need to understand that we need to let the Spirit of God take control of our life.

So here's the heart of the matter and here's the question that we need to look at today.

How am I filled with the Holy Spirit of God?

Just how am I filled with the Holy Spirit of God?

Now let me stop and say, even though I'm focusing this on the marriage relationship here this morning, I believe the greatest need again, whether you're married or whether you're single here in this building this morning is for us to have a fresh anointing and a fresh filling and to walk in the power and anointing of the Holy Spirit of God.

So if you're here and you're single, don't tune me out.

Listen very, very closely as we talk about how can I be filled with the Spirit of God?

Now when we talk about this, unfortunately, there's many, many weird things that you can hear preached about this.

I mean, you don't need, listen, you don't need to go through some aerobic exercise to be filled with the Holy Spirit of God.

Each one of you don't need to walk down here, let me whack you on the head, to be filled with the Holy Spirit of God.

So there's some strange things that are taught and preached on when it comes to this thing of the filling of the Holy Spirit of God.

But I don't think it really, God didn't mean for it to be that mystical.

And it isn't that mystical.

We really need to understand what God is saying here about being filled.

Now, the word filled.

Now catch this.

The word field is a word picture that pictures the wind, listening, pushing a sailboat across the water.

So if you can picture that in your mind, it's like a sailboat that's on a lake and the wind is pushing that sailboat across the lake.

Now, the port is where you are right now.

The destination is where you want to be.

And that is to be closer to Jesus Christ.

And the wind that's blowing you from where you are right now and filling your sail on your sailboat to get you closer to Jesus is the Holy Spirit of God.

And that's the picture I think that God wants us to see.

Now let me ask you a question.

What does a sailboat need when it's sitting on the water?

What does it need to do to reach its destination?

You have listened to the first part of a two part message by evangelist Sam Wood.

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