Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode of Don't Get This Wisted, Robb and Tina discuss how the podcast has changed them and the impact it has had on their lives. They talk about the importance of being honest and venting, as well as the challenges of being open and vulnerable. They also touch on the repercussions of sharing personal stories and opinions on the podcast, including losing listeners and facing criticism. Despite this, they both value the opportunity to share their experiences and perspectives, even if not everyone agrees with them. The podcast has allowed them to be themselves and connect with others who may relate to their stories. In this conversation, Robb and Tina Marie reflect on their podcast and the impact it has had on their lives. They discuss the importance of being honest and authentic, even if it means opening themselves up to judgment. They share personal stories of unconditional love and the power of vulnerability. They also talk about the misconceptions people have about their relationship and the distance between them. Overall, they emphasize the value of living a happy and truthful life.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Wisted. I am Rob along with my co -host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I'm good. I'm ready for the weekend, Rob. I'm like so ready for this. Yeah. I got big plans for this weekend. So I'm excited for that. Yeah. We're going to go, my cousin and I are going to go to Disneyland tomorrow. I'm taking the day off and ditching out on work and going to Disneyland. And then, um, Saturday, you know how they put the luminaries in the water and they, they all go out at the same time. You, um,

Yeah, we're getting there. We're getting there for sure. So yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, that's good. Good.

It's like a candle that floats on the water in a little, yeah, we're gonna go do that on Saturday. And then Sunday is Mother's Day, so crazy weekend. Yeah. What about you?

Oh yeah.

Very nice, very nice. Correct. And as you can see behind me, we have the we have the on air going. So we're on air today. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I don't know if the kid's going to be in town or not. He might go see his mom. I'm not sure. And yeah, besides that, I don't know what I'm doing. I got to see. Anyway, we're going to do.

That's right, that's right.

You gotta come over.

The show we were supposed to do last week because I went off on a tangent about my books. So This time we're really going to talk about basically What this podcast has done for us over the last two years then I said September of 2020 is that what I said 2021 2021?

Hehehehe.

2021. Yeah. That is so crazy.

Yeah, so basically how we've changed or how it's changed us, you know, it's a wild thing what's happened over these last couple of years. Obviously going through the pandemic and all that stuff. Yeah, September 16th of 2021 was our first one.

Okay, we're almost there. We're almost at the three -year mark.

We're almost at the three year mark, we're in this year. It's funny though, because you look back on, I think podcasting in general, it's changed. And for us, like I said last week, it's very cathartic for me, because I get to just kind of belt out how I'm feeling or what's making me mad or how society is.

is absolutely bonkers and says dumb shit. So it's great that I get a chance to say things like that. Yeah, to vent. And it's that's very, very important, I think. Mostly for

event.

You know, just getting things off your chest sometimes. And look, do we have a ton of listeners? No. But do we have enough that I think that we're making a difference? Sure. And if people can feel like they can vent, even if it's just to the friends that they have, or get ahold of us and come on here and vent away, because we love that shit too.

You know, but yeah, I think it's it's changed me as a person. I get to I get to be honest and I think that there's not enough honesty out there these days. Lots of people like to hold things very close to their chest or or just say to therapists. So at least here I get to get it out and about and look, it's got me in some trouble with people.

Mm -hmm.

It's I've said some things and gotten some text messages from several people that I Either was incorrect with what I said Which I was at the time I had someone text me that I am I'm holding on for something that I'm never gonna get and if I would just open up a little bit I

Mmm.

Yeah

they would be better for me, which I kind of giggled at, but you know, whatever. It's somebody from my past that was like, if you would have just, you know, you know, let me in your life, you'd be better. Yeah, then someone else. And if you didn't like the girl down the street for so long, we would be together and happy. And I was like, yeah, okay.

Yeah, I don't get that one.

Bend somebody else. Yeah. If you would just be somebody else, you would be so much better. Yeah.

Oh, you got that. Wow.

Yeah, I got that one. And I was like, but again, this is a person from my past that I haven't seen since I was in high school. So they don't really know me. This is just somebody from my past that I happened to get in contact with again, just because I wanted to see what they were doing in life. That was it. And

Oh balls.

And I don't even want to shit on that person because I don't think that that's right either. I think it's coming from a good place, but, you know, feelings are a weird thing. So what this podcast has done is also bring that kind of stuff to the surface. People who know me and listen will come to me if I say something either out of line or out of context or whatever. And that comes with this. I think...

when you do something that anyone can listen to, you're going to have repercussions or fight back. Like in your case, you might have somebody that's close to your life that you're dating that might listen to this. And there's repercussions of that. And I think, you know, they come with that. Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

I've had that happen. I've had that happen. Like that I... Gosh, I shouldn't even say it because now I'm getting... Now I'm doing exactly what he said he didn't like and that was putting stuff out there that maybe we talked about or maybe we did and not leaving a space for that to be private and between the two of us. And I get that. And I get that.

Right, me too.

But at the same time, it's like, you know, whatever's going on in my life, I am learning from. And if I use it in a podcast, it's because that's what I'm going through. That's what I'm dealing with. But I do understand, I do really understand the importance of keeping a relationship.

safe and secure and just between the two of us. I get that too. But there's also a lot of me that goes into this and, you know, in dating me there is that, there is a level of openness that I'm going to have about what I'm going through in my relationship respectfully, respectfully.

I totally do.

Sure.

So yeah, I did go through that. That was, that kind of caught me off guard. And the first thing I thought was, I don't want to do this anymore. You know what I mean? Cause who wants to, to feel like I, I don't want to feel like I can say something. You know, I don't want to feel like every time I do, I'm going to be wrong or in the wrong, but it didn't last very long. And you know, we all have to, we all have to find.

our boundaries and work within those. And I'm not opposed to doing that. So if something were to be very serious or if I was doing something that was really offensive, I would take a step back and do things differently for sure.

Absolutely, and we've talked about that before. Assuming that anything ever would happen with my friend down the street, I would definitely, I think, have a very good, long conversation of the boundaries she would like me to stay within. Because I think that once you decide to be in something that's...

Mm -hmm.

relationship right a commitment you you have to keep things very um closed off there has to be some kind of wall right say okay i can't say this or i can't say that and and i also think it would be like okay if we're talking about something you would have to say something like it's not my current relationship right just to make sure

Mm -hmm.

Right?

Look, because I also don't want to not do the podcast, I kind of agree with you, like you have to kind of, but I also wouldn't give up a relationship that I thought was worth, you know, fighting for. So there is that balance.

But see, that's where you and I are wrong, because somebody that truly loves me...

would see the benefits of me doing this and would encourage me to do that for several reasons not try to stop me. I think I'm at an age now where it's like, wait, this is not a time for you to stop me. Like I'm good at what I do and I'm honest with who I am and I do things respectfully. I don't think I fly off the handle. I don't think I act like an idiot. I don't think I put people on blast. You're not hearing names.

come out of my mouth and if I do you edit that out because we believe strongly if people should have their their privacy and but in all honesty I feel like I should be able to talk about anything that I'm going through respectfully respectfully just

Mm -hmm.

I agree. And look, my thing is, you just have to understand, you know, at the end, what's the end all? Do I want to come on here and talk my mind and speak my piece and do all that kind of stuff? Sure. But I also don't want it to be a detriment to something that may outlive the podcast, right? You know what I mean? So,

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

It's a balance. Like I said, I would respectfully sit down with my mate and go, look, you know, I do this. What would you rather me not say? And if it ends up being not about my current relationship at all, so be it. I mean, look, we've lived long enough that we have a lot of stuff we can pull from. You know what I mean? Like we've already lived a life. We're not 20 where we're like,

Mm -hmm.

Well, I've dated one person. It's like, no, we've been married. We've dated lots of crazy people. We've had first loves. I've dated a couple. I've dated a couple. Yeah. And, yeah, and my marriage wasn't crazy. And I will tell you for sure that our friend from high school,

I think you've dated more crazy than I have, though.

Yeah, I think you got a lot a bigger taste of that than I did.

the one we know together, she wasn't crazy. She was just a good time.

She was just living her own life. I love that about her. I will stand up for her anytime and say you leave her alone because she's just living her and there's nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, she's she's her own person for sure Without a doubt. I mean she was crazy at 17 And the stories that I heard

Yeah.

She was, I don't think she was crazy, she was wild. Like she, she was wild, yeah.

Right. Yes, she was wild that that's what I meant because her crazy wasn't crazy. She was just a good old time she was Unfortunately, she was repressed and when she got a taste of the other life it just She went from like six to twelve like she's she skipped ten. She was like wow who needs ten? We're gonna turn that shit up. I mean

Yeah.

Yeah, you know there was something very real about her that I just loved like she and I together our energy together was insane like we definitely We drew on each other's Personalities and we were we were nuts together like we did stupid shit, but never never mean we weren't trying to be mean we weren't hurting anybody we were just I don't know

Mm -hmm.

We're just having fun and laughing at each other and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Yeah.

She was a good time. I mean, for me, it's a whole other thing, because obviously we, you know, she was my girlfriend. So for me, it was a different thing, but she was always, I mean, the stories that I could tell you, and you know most of them, like the crazy shit that she did was bonkers. And like for me, what was really great is that, what, like 20 years later, I got to see her again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was awesome.

And what was weird for me is how easy it was for us to be together. You know what I mean? Like it was almost like it time didn't go by. And.

Well, I think in any relationship if you get past all the hurt and the bullshit that that stopped you from from having a good relationship if you could get past all that you could go right back to being that person with that you you know that the You don't your souls souls intermingle and souls connect and we don't have to do anything It just happens and I think that she was one of those people that every time you see her it's gonna be the same person just like

Mm -hmm.

Right.

When I go back and forth to El Paso, I had two people say, this is Tina and she's always been this, this, that, and this. You could count on that with her. And it's true. You can count on me to be this, this, that, and this. It was funny to hear somebody else describe me because I don't normally hear that. So it's true. Some people just don't, they don't need to change. They're good in who they are and they're solid in who they are. And she was

Mm -hmm.

Right.

definitely one of them.

She'd be fun to get on this podcast.

If she could be honest she she's still in a place where I don't think she could be completely honest so

She'd be a lot of fun.

I think she could. We would just have to do what we've done with some of the other guests where we, we finagle her voice a little bit and, and, and do something because I think that I think she'd be a good story talker because she has a lot of stories. I heard after she left that time away was pretty wild time. So, um,

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know if I can get a hold of her or not, but if not, I think it would be a fun one. There's a couple of people I want to get on. I have another friend that I've talked to you about, and she's given me a bunch of show ideas. And one of the ones was when you date a murderer. And I was like, what? And she was like,

Yeah, I've dated a murderer and she goes well more than one and I was like, wait a second Statistically that is fucking bonkers, right? Like to be able to say that you've dated, you know dated more than one I'm gonna try to get her on I've I've asked her again and she's She's a little busy. She's going back to school and she's got kind of a

She's got kind of a funny voice. She has a Jennifer Tilly voice. So she's like, I don't want to come on there because we, you know, people are going to say something like, ah, we'll be fine. But I think that's the cool part about this pod too, is that, that you can, we can bring friends on or bring people on and talk. Matter of fact, I think I'm going to reach out to the, the two girls that did the online dating one again and see if they've continued to try and, and see if we can have a part three. Cause I mean,

Just do it.

Hmm. Those are, those are fun. Those are fun. Girls. Yeah.

Cause it's been a while. I don't know when the last one we did was, but it's been a long time. It's been at least a year, at least, I'm guessing at least a year.

It's been a long time.

Yeah. So let's get back to what the topic of conversation should be today as we keep getting sidetracked. No, we're not talking about change though, how we've changed or how we've done things. We're definitely not getting on that subject the last two times.

Well, we are though, we are talking about it. What has changed for you?

Well, I think we're talking just the pod in general, right? Like what is it, what has done, what has it done? And like for me, like I said, I think it's just opened me up more. It's let me not be afraid to, for one, be vulnerable. And I think as a guy, that's an important thing, because most of us aren't. I'll talk about anything and even things that I know aren't...

Mm -hmm.

aren't going to be good for me. Politically correct, but just good for me mentally. You know, we've talked about things or had subject matter on here that afterwards, the show we did with the girl who was the survivor, for me was very, very difficult. Just because I think as a man, you feel like you're representing a gender.

politically correct?

And you shouldn't feel that way because that's not who I am.

I don't think anybody should feel that way because that's a huge shoe to fill. And if you leave that to me, I would leave so much wouldn't be going on. Like if you say for all women, there are shoes I couldn't even begin to fill. So I don't think that we should even think that way.

It is, but I think that's what happens.

I know, but for me it's hard because I just think that like I hear stuff, even the online dating one that made me feel not uncomfortable, just like, God, you know, guys are pieces of shit. So, but see, I don't think I am. So like for me, that's not how it is, but it's made me think differently. That's the biggest thing about this. It's made me think differently about a lot of stuff.

Mm -hmm.

how the media handles things, how people talk about things, how we're handcuffed with being politically correct, where I like dark humor. Like I made a joke today about Mother's Day and the guy at my work, he lost his dad the same year as I lost my mom. And he's like, so what are you doing this weekend? I go, nothing on Sunday, mom's dead. And he was like, got kind of quiet and I was like,

Hmm.

Yeah

I mean, you know, that's the truth. And I've talked about it on here before. My mom had a pretty good sense of humor. She's probably laughing. Like, eh, you're right. But so having that kind of sense of humor and saying things on here, I'm sure that we've had listeners go, I can't believe you said that. Which, you know,

Hmm.

We've probably lost listeners over things that have been said on here. I know that we had a very, very good fan base until we did a show on abortion. And when we did a show on abortion, it dropped tremendously.

too bad.

What?

Interesting.

Yeah. So, um.

And I don't even think we were that out of like normal in what we said so that's kind of funny I did not know that

No, no, not really. Yeah, so that was one that kind of, you know, not horribly bad, but there was a definite drop off when we did that. So, you know, you think like, oh crap, like, I didn't think, we weren't that bad. And I think that, you know, we have different...

Hmm.

ways of looking at it, but it was like that was in July of 2022. And I can tell you that it dropped probably two or 3 % after that. Yeah, so.

Interesting.

Get rid of the little bitches that can't take it.

I mean, look, I think that if you're, that's what drives me to different podcasts though. Look, it takes a lot to offend me, right? So I like listening to other stuff that maybe I'm not part of. Like, I believe in certain things, but I'll listen to people who I don't think are the same politically because how do you learn about people unless you do said things?

You don't. You're just going to get stuck in the same lane or the same echo chamber hearing the same stuff over and over again. So if you're really coming for me listening to us, I hope you come here listening going, I don't agree with him all the time, but I still like listening to him. Because to me, that's important because that's how I feel about this podcast for me. I'm going to tell you how I feel, but I'm definitely going to listen.

don't.

because we've had people on here that I don't necessarily agree with. But I'm open to listening. And we've had subject matter that me and you, I mean, we agree on a lot of things. So like, rarely do we not agree on stuff. But every blue moon, well, you know, you'll go, oh, no, that's not me. I go, okay, that's great. I think that's...

I agree with that.

positive of what this medium and this podcast can do. It can let people go, yeah, I don't agree with her, but that doesn't mean I feel any different. I just go, eh.

I don't... I don't need...

See, that's the thing with me. I think that this is what has changed for me I don't need people to agree with me anymore. I was definitely growing up somebody that had to Please everybody. I was definitely trying to be a people pleaser the women in my life expected that for me and I wore the shoes You know what? I mean, so I really tried hard but I realized that I was an epic failure at making everybody happy and And then when I finally decided no fuck that I don't want to do that anymore. Well

Mm -hmm.

When is Tina gonna get to be happy? I think that that...

that was going on when at the start of this podcast because I was leaving my ex and and trying to I was so at that time in my life I was I had not told anybody for nine months that I was even getting divorced I had kept things so quiet and that's not me to not have you know some sort of support or whatever but I I didn't know how to start that conversation and I didn't know how to tell that story so

So for me, I kept really quiet and the podcast helped me come back to being Tina who can talk about everything, who isn't embarrassed to share, who likes people to learn from my mistakes. Because God, if you could go through life not making as many mistakes or the same ones that I did because you may have listened to me or you heard something that triggered you to do something different.

Hallelujah, because you know, I've I've put myself in situations where I've physically Hurt from the decisions that I've made, you know and emotionally got a big

Mm -hmm.

a big backhand from. So if somebody could learn from what I have gone through or what I talked about or they could just, it helps them to just feel a little lighter in their own life. Like I'm all for it. I'll, I'll take, I'll take the lashings. Like people have said, they don't agree. If I had one cousin say, I didn't want to hear about, I didn't want to listen to that podcast because I didn't want to know what you were up to. And so she just plain didn't listen, which was, you know, I had to respect that like, oh,

Okay, you're not you're not gonna listen. I don't I didn't realize you were to begin with but um You know because most of the people in my world don't tell me if they're listening or not and then Somebody somewhere down the line, you know, probably who knows how many episodes in will actually say something and I'll be like

Oh, you were listening you didn't tell me and and that's kind of that's been kind of like Why would you keep that a secret? Why wouldn't you just tell me you listen and then when I hear that they're listening I was like whoo What did they hear? Because who knows how many episodes they listened to or what they listened to or what what did I say? What could have triggered somebody? You know, you could start to run all that but then I'm like, huh? Well too bad I already said it and I don't listen to the podcast so I can't even defend myself

Right.

yourself.

So and I don't want to if I said it I meant it at the time doesn't mean that I couldn't change my mind or have a different of opinion or if you put the same story out there and you Represent it differently than than it was on the podcast. Maybe I would have a different answer So I always say don't expect me to have the same answer. I have the same core values I am who I am that those don't change but Opinions change, you know, you could have you could think of so many

Right.

Exactly.

things over the years that that your opinions change with like I remember back in the early 90s I used to do massages on non -ambulatory AIDS patients because these AIDS patients the parents the families were saying I don't know how you got sick but you're on your own I don't like your lifestyle I'm not gonna be there for you and these people were literally dying in in hospitals not being touched because they were you know everybody was gowned up and latex gloves and masks and

Mm -hmm.

everything. So at a time when HIV was really scary, I started up with this nonprofit organization and it's called Heart Touch and we were literally touching people without gloves and massaging them in places that they didn't have any lesions or anything like we were safe and everything. But nonetheless, I was doing that.

Mm -hmm.

Now, over the years I've heard, are you fucking crazy? Like, you would do something like that, you'd put yourself in harm's way, my mom used to cry every week when I would go and do these people's massages, but...

my opinion or my perception was if I was in that situation wouldn't I want somebody to be there for me? Wouldn't I want somebody to touch me? So it wasn't a the fear of what could have or should have or would have happened wasn't there because

my perception was I'm going to be okay because somebody needs to do this and whoever's up there, I do believe in God, I'm like whoever's up there they they will watch over me and I'll be safe. I'll do the best I can to be as safe as I can in the situation and I think that...

At that time, my mom flipped out, but looking at it 20 years later when we talked about it, she said to me, she goes, you know, you're my hero. And I said, why am I your hero? And she said, because you did what I was afraid of. So, you know, perception is definitely key to things. So.

Right.

I feel like if somebody has a problem with what I say, then they should walk in my shoes and look at it from that area. And then maybe I'll be sorry that I said something.

Yeah, I mean, look, all in all perception is reality to the people who don't know us or see things from a certain point of view. Many of the truths that we lean into are all seen from a certain point of view, right? So, you know, you have to kind of step back. Well, yeah, I think a lot how we see ourselves.

Mm -hmm.

right? Even how we see ourselves.

Yeah

But I think that this podcast has done a lot to, I mean, for one, it's shown me things I didn't know about you. So, you know, like, oh yeah, like things, you know, when we did shows about your marriage that I had no clue like how you were living. I just thought, yeah, you're just like me. You know what I mean? And that's as far from the truth as you could be. But.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

my perception was is that's what it was. So my reality seemed that so when we, you know, before we did a few of those shows, you know, you were like, this is what was really going on. So when we went into that, and you know, I remember doing that show, and you kind of going, hey, no one knows what happened during my marriage, people are going to hear this for the very first time. And I,

right?

Yeah.

you know, from my point of view, it was like a scary thing. I had, so not only did I record it, I had listened to it again. And, and for myself went, okay, like we may open up a can of worms for you that you weren't ready for.

And we did. We did. And I wasn't. And you just gotta roll with the punches, you know? It's...

Ultimately, I don't live a life that I don't want to live in. So, you know, somebody's got a problem with how I live my life or what I did, then they don't need to be in my world. I don't, uh, I don't push anything on anybody else. I'm probably the most like, hey, live your own life sort of person that I've ever met. Like I encourage people to do whatever it is they're going to do. No matter what I think about it, I always tell them, yeah, go

ahead and do that and if it's a mistake make it a big fucking mistake so you learn whatever you need to learn that's how I am so you know when when people had a problem hearing those things and I think about it and even like it scares me now when you say that because I forgot that we even had that show because I push things out of my head when I don't want to deal with it also so

Mm -hmm.

looking back, you know, maybe, maybe that wasn't the best thing to do or maybe, I don't know. Does it matter? Does it really matter if it already happened and everybody survived and...

Right.

I mean, exactly. And I think that that's, but see, that's kind of the thing about this show. When you're ready to say something, you can. And look, we're all gonna say something on here that we might be judged for. That's just the nature of the beast for people that we know who listen. And...

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

I do my best and I say that with with a small underline. I do my best to be as honest as I can without hurting anyone's feelings. I do my best and I really do.

I do believe that you're telling the truth even now because I know the backstory. So I know that you're exactly like that and I am too. We're not trying, we're not putting people on blast. We're not here doing that. We're just trying to speak our truth, do our own thing. And if somebody doesn't want to listen to it, like you don't have to. That's the great thing about this. You're not going to see commercials of us on TV. You're not going to, you're not going to, you know, run into us everywhere you go. Like.

No.

You don't have to worry about it.

And I think the people in our lives that hear this, I think at least can go, they're honest.

Meh, or not, who knows?

and to me, I mean, to me that's what I want. I want someone to go, yeah, at least he's honest. He says some shit that I don't wanna hear or I didn't wanna hear, but at least he's honest and he's going to tell it like it is.

Yeah. You know, I recently, exactly, I recently discovered something about myself that I did not realize. I, I...

without blasting somebody.

did not know what unconditional love was until just recently. Like in the last, like even when I started doing the podcast, I didn't know what that was to love like that or to be loved like that. And what I've come up with is that unconditional love means you're gonna love a person and have no...

Okay.

Mm -hmm.

expectations of them. You're going to love them for who they are completely and totally for the relationship that you have with them. And I recently like got a example of that.

My ex and I are still really good friends. I still house it for him. We're in contact. We do lunch occasionally. We are not sexually active. We are not doing any... We're not trying to go backwards. We're not trying to do any of that, but we're very good friends. And we were talking the other day and I told him, I said, you know what's funny is I still love you. You're still somebody that I hold in very high regard.

Mm -hmm. Correct.

You're somebody that I feel like, you know, will be in my corner if this shit goes down like you will. I mean, there's things in our relationship that were definitely not good and they won't ever be and they're just not something that we managed to get together.

But I realize in being his friend that I do love him. You know, we managed to not fight during our divorce, so we didn't have to completely crash everything. But it's on an unconditional scale. Like, I love him for the person that he was for me, and he is to me. And I'm okay that he's not what I would consider perfect for me. Like, it doesn't have to be like that. But that I was able to get to a place where I could

just appreciate him and love him and hold him in high regard and have absolutely no expectations and I did not realize that that is what unconditional love actually is and Nor did I know that I could even get to that place where I could let all the bullshit go and just this is my people sort of you know Outlook and I just recently realized that that I that I finally in my own heart got to a place where I

Mm -hmm.

I have unconditional love and then once I realized what it was I could look at it and see how I have it towards other people in my life and and you know because most of the time we we love people for what they they are to us or what they could do for us or what they you know could give us not not just adore the person that they are because of them being who they are however they are however broken or perfect or however you see it like

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

I didn't know that I could do that and I just recently realized that I do. So that was kind of a cool...

Yeah, I think that walks hand in hand, right? A lot of people love with conditions. Lots of people. Because...

For sure. I think that's the majority. You gotta really be vulnerable to unconditionally love somebody. Really vulnerable.

Yeah, you have to understand them. You have to understand the people at their lowest and go, I still love them for being who they are and being able to say it. And I think that's what this podcast does as well. It gives us the outlet to say, look, I love this person. Even at their lowest, they're broken. They don't like themselves, whatever.

Yeah.

And I might not understand their situation completely, but I love them either way. And I'll always be here for them. And I think that being able to say things like that are big. I said a lot of things about my mom while we were while she was alive and she listened. And I think that that probably helped her that like because we'd said things about my mom. And I would say, you know,

Yeah.

things about my relationship with her that during the good and the bad. And I think for her, I gave her, you know, we lived far away. And I think it gave my mom a relationship with me that she could have without having to pry into anything, because I was so open about things that she got to hear. She got to hear me, so.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah She got to hear you yeah, because she hadn't lived with you for a hundred years like really I don't remember I never met her that's how long you have not lived with her So I think it was good that she was able to hear your perspective as an adult Like is that how many parents really get the adult perspective of their child not too many not too many yeah?

Oh yeah, a long long time. Yeah.

Oh yeah, she even said that to me. She was like, I didn't, she would, she would, we would talk about things after she would listen. And she was like, I didn't know this about you. I didn't know this about you and you do this and you didn't do this. And oh, you know, the girl down the street and is that still this? And so like, she got to hear a much broader life that.

I love that.

Yeah.

Yeah, she got the friend version instead of the son version of you through listening to the podcast.

Yeah, she got to see me as a different person and not have to worry about me being a little boy. She didn't. So I'm really glad that she got to experience that side of me and let me just rant and be open. And she got to experience her son in a different view. Very unfiltered.

Yeah. Yeah.

because we generally filter ourselves around our parents, right? Because we want to look good or we want them not to worry, you know, that kind of thing. So my mom definitely got a, a darker side of the moon, right? She got to see what was on the shady side of the moon where like she didn't know or, and she would come back to me with things about like, Oh, I didn't know about this. And is everything okay?

Yeah.

right?

Are you doing okay because of this or, you know, oh, do you, you know, you still talk to her? Yeah, yeah, and this and that. So.

I love that you got that with her because I think that more than anything you needed that. You needed to have that closeness with your mom and I'm glad that this facilitated that.

It did. It definitely did. And I'm glad she got to experience. She said she would, she had a little, she listened on a Amazon device. I don't want to say it because it'll talk to me. But she would, I got, I bought her a little thing that she could plug in and charge it and she could take it in the backyard. She said she would sit out on her little deck and listen to us.

Aww.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. So for me, I'm glad she got to to experience her son in a different way. So that's like another big part of this podcast where the people that I really care about, with the exception of a couple of friends that I don't even know if they've ever listened, that they know about it. But the people that are very close to me, like.

you know, my mom, the girl down the street, a couple of other very close friends that do listen, that get something from it. I'm glad because they get to see me a little more raw. And I think that the more raw we are, at least people understand who we are. Because there's so many of us that don't, that wear a mask no matter what, and they're afraid to be themselves.

Yeah.

Well...

Look at what I just said about having unconditional love for an ex of mine that I figured this out after the fact That's this isn't going to be conducive for dating. I realize as soon as I said that like this is this could piss off Anybody that I date in the future, but you know at the same time it could be said like this if you realize that that I am that I've got that much love that I could love after It's all said and done and blown up and still treat

Mm -hmm.

Sure.

you as a valuable human being. There's something to be said for that. And I don't, I don't think that, that how many times do you get to say that to somebody that I, you know, that I did something or I, and, and explain your story and tell them what's going on and have them hear you for, for what it is that you're going through. You know, it's, I think that that's kind of cool with this.

Mm -hmm.

For sure. And...

And like I said, it's raw and unfiltered because we just say it. And I think that a lot of people who listen to this show don't realize that there's really no editing out of things. I think, yeah, I will edit out names if we mess up. And I think to be fair, I think it's mostly you. I've done it a couple of times.

It is.

No. No, I've asked you and you won't even do it.

Hehehehehe

you you've said you said my son's name multiple times and and and then you said my friend down the street's name i think a couple of times and but we're really good but those are the things where no no no well because we're talking and i think that's the thing about this show is that we're literally just talking to each other and

I know I can't help it.

It's not done intentionally. It's just people have names. You're used to calling them, you know. Yeah.

Again, if you knew how much editing was really done on the show, it's not very much. I make our voices look and sound good and I make sure background noise as much as I can to get out of it. Besides that, I rarely edit anything out, maybe a cough or two if it's something that's very, very bad.

Yeah, if I'm dying, it's always me.

Yeah, but but I like that about this. I always wanted it to be a raw show something that people went. Oh, yeah, it's two friends sitting in the same room together that are just bullshitting and Multiple times. That's what my friends have told me. They're like, yeah, it's like, you know

Yeah.

You know what's funny? I get all the time that you guys have dated.

I'm like no never never it was never even a thought it was never anything that to happen I catch that more than Like if somebody's gonna ask me something about the podcast that's one of the first things that we asked So how long did you guys date for and I'm like? hear me you can be friends with the opposite sex and Never have crossed any lines like and if you can't do that you need to fix yourself But I've been able to manage that in several really

Yeah.

Correct.

relationships and I'm and I'm good with my friends and I don't want to defend myself or my honor or my I'm like how many times do I we've said this on the show for like ever and I still always get those Yeah, and and when you're dating girls don't like me They're jealous. I know they are I could feel it. They're like putting their boundaries up like hey, he is my guy I'm like you could have him you could have them. I

Mm -hmm.

Two years.

Yeah, I think, yeah, I mean, I can't say about the girl down the street because we don't date, but I don't think so. I truly, I think she likes you a lot because you're so open. She's even said like, oh yeah, I wish I could be like Tina, you know, this way and this way because you are so, you know, open about stuff. I know that I think other people, yes.

Oh, cool.

But.

Like they I've been I felt like I've been kind of squeezed out in some like they're trying I'm like, oh, come on. Stop this you could you I You won't hear from me until next week when we have to do the podcast I promise you we do not like it's it's funny so that I I've been asked that so many times that uh

Right, right.

It's it's kind of funny. I just like I'm at the point now where I kind of roll my eyes and shake my head I'm like, we're gonna have this conversation again again So that's been

Right. I think the fun part of this though is the misconception is that we're not in the same room. Because I've had so many people that, well, on a good day, we're at least an hour. On a bad day, we're several hours from each other. It just matters.

Yeah, we're in different cities completely. Yes.

I have to. Quite a few.

Getting to, I have a friend that lives out not far from you and on a given, like on a Friday afternoon, it has taken me two and a half hours to get there. So we do not live close. We do not, you know, and we live traffic. There's like straight traffic. So it's kind of funny how people have said that to me as well.

Yeah.

Yeah.

when...

Before I lived where I live, I lived in Camarillo and I would come out and visit my friend down the street. And at the time I would come out here like after work or whatever. I would literally drive two hours to see her for maybe 20 minutes. So, you know, when I like somebody I go goo goo. Yeah, I...

No, that's loving somebody. You too.

She, she, and again, like I, you know, I've talked her up to you a lot. She's a great person, but, and when I get to spend more time with her, it's amazing. Now that, now that we live close, although I still don't see her very often, when I do, it's great because we don't, there's no rush and there's no, there's no relationship in the way and there's no, no. Yeah, and, and I'm not, and I'm not worried about getting.

You're not trying to make a time restraints by trying to get to each other either.

I'm not worried about getting stabbed or shot by anybody. That kind of makes it nice. But I think that there's things in this that are great where people are like, you guys are in the same room, right? I've literally had people going, and for me, which is kind of nice because it means that the editing's really good that we sound like we're in the same room. And...

Yeah.

now.

You know, we've only been in the same room twice, maybe three times. It was when a couple of guests were with us. And then one time where I was already out your way and I didn't have my stuff, so I had to go to you and do it at your house. Those were only times. In three years, almost three years.

Three times, I think. Yeah, we did it a couple of times.

Yeah, so yeah, we've done it once here. And then I know we did two at your place or out where you live. It wasn't even your. Yeah, I don't even and it wasn't your place. You were house hitting. So so that that's also the other thing. Right. So I believe that, you know, there's something about this podcast that's changed me as a person.

That's what I want to say, because we had people on with us. Yeah.

And it was where... not anymore.

You d -

And I think for the best it's made me a different person. It's made me way better at communicating and it's made me really look at my life differently and be not afraid to say how I feel about things and that means in person and or on here.

Yeah, for me I find it a little bit amusing because I don't normally stick around judgmental people like if they're if I know they're judgy I will not tell them anything I will not go there and I don't hang out with them So I hang out with people that don't judge me or if they do they'll laugh and they'll do it right to my face I'm okay with that like my friends. They'll tell me you're a freaking idiot and I at the time I can't even

I can't even say they're wrong because there are moments where I am like that, but I still worry. I still wince about people coming to me and saying something that I said on the podcast that they don't agree with and it causing a problem. Now, if it's just they don't agree with me and they want to tell me their views, I'm totally cool with that. We're all different. We all go through things, but I put myself out here to hopefully better somebody else because I realize there's some people that are really

Mm -hmm.

Hurting and they just need somebody to say no, that's bullshit. Don't do that Don't do that. Don't put yourself in harm's way, you know and I and I've had people call me afterward they've listened to the podcast and say, you know, I realized that I was doing something that you were like what the fuck is your problem because I've been there before on this podcast and They've come to me and said you weren't talking about me because you didn't even know I was going through this but thank you for saying something and just being the voice of reason and I

Lord knows I am not anybody's moral compass. I don't want to be like I'm the first one to say fuck things up and see what happens because I've done it myself and I learned from it. So I'm not opposed to making mistakes, but

Right.

But if you're not living authentically to yourself and you're not putting yourself out there and trying to like be happy, like I think everybody's goal should be happy, not be miserable, not be judged, not be imprisoned. You know, cause we've had a lot of people going through a lot of stuff and they're really struggling. And I think to myself, I always struggle. In my head, I don't have things together. I struggle every day.

But people come to me to hear what I have to say, knowing that I'm the hot mess that I am. But I think because I'm real and I'm not trying to, I'm like, let's figure this out. Let's not be different. Let's not try to hide it. Let's figure out how I'm gonna get through this. And...

Mm -hmm.

There's no grace. There's no grace in how I'm doing this. Like, I'm... We both were struggling every day, but you know what? I have chosen to live a life that's happy. And I've chosen to... If I'm not happy, I'm gonna do whatever I gotta do to fix that. Because we should find a way to get through the bad, even... As hard as life could be, we should still find the funny in it. Because there's so much...

that we should be learning and going through and not being afraid of. And that's kind of where I'm at with this thing. I've gotten to the point where you want to know if you want to know, ask me. I'm not going to go out and tell you everything. That's just crazy pants. Like not everybody's ready for all that I could talk about. But if somebody, if somebody were to, if like you say, Hey, we should do it on this subject. I'm like, cool. I could talk about that. You may not want to hear it, but.

Mm -hmm.

you're gonna hear what I've been through and how I dealt with it.

Exactly And I think that's the part about this show right we come up with lots of different subjects I mean and again like we talk about relationships a lot because there's things that we're involved in But I think that that someone who's listening to this show can at least go Hey, these two are like crazy honest. Maybe if I have someone close to me, I can tell them what's going on and to me that's the biggest thing like

Yeah.

Yeah. I think everybody should live their truth though. Yeah. Mm -hmm.

Have an out, you have to have that. For sure, oh without a doubt. Look, I've said some things on here that I'm sure pucker butt holes or they go, why did you say that? And like I said, I'm lucky. My friend down the street, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that she's the only one who listens to it that knows. So there's not a lot going on there. But on the flip side of that,

I've said things about my mom, my brother, my other brother, my son, everyone. My life's pretty open on here because someone needs to understand that they're not alone and I need to vent sometimes. So to me, it's been a very healthy experience.

Yeah.

You know, my closest people.

Yeah, my closest people still have not even listened to it. My brother hasn't, my dad hasn't, my ex hasn't. Like anybody that I have talked about other than friends, because friends will say, hey, I heard and you were talking about me. And I'm like, oh, I was. But they loved what I said, because I always try to say something like, my friends are the coolest. So I'm not going to be talking shit about them. So when they hear what I'm saying, they're like, oh, I liked that.

Right.

So, but it's funny how my closest people trust me enough that they don't even listen. There's something to be said for that too.

Yeah, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say my son's never listened. I'm pretty positive. And obviously like my dad wouldn't. My dad, that's just not his thing. And I think my mom did again, just to be close to me when she knows she couldn't. So there's a lot to it. And look, I'm glad. If any of my friends do listen to this, I'd love to hear more feedback just because, you know, we need that as well. And...

Heheheheh...

Mm -hmm, absolutely.

I'd like to know who listens to it, because some of you people are listening and not telling me what the hell is going on there. But then when I hear it, I'm like, ooh, did I want to know that you were listening?

Oh yeah, for sure. I know.

Right. I know that certain people are listening because I can look at the analytics, but I don't know who. I just know like a ballpark. It'll tell me like Iowa. It's like, oh, okay. Well, someone in Iowa and, and I'm, I'm pretty sure I know because I only know a certain amount of people in Iowa. So there, you know, there's something to be said about that as well. Or Nebraska, like I, you know, but then.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Right?

Then there's certain ones that come up. I'm like, I have no clue. Like we had one in Germany. I don't know anyone in Germany. So, yeah. So, you know.

Whaaat? I do, but I wonder if it's that person.

Yeah, I don't know. And you know, we live in the day of having VPNs, which is like a virtual IP address. So that person who says they're in Germany really is in, you know, North Carolina. It could be anywhere. So yeah, because I know I have a friend who lives in South Carolina and he's not real keen on anyone knowing where he's at. So when he when he surfs the net, he surfs on a VPN. So they don't know.

Yeah.

Right? It could be.

And I think he told me like, oh yeah, they think I'm in, you know, India or Singapore or something like that. So it's kind of funny.

Tell them to do one that's in Delaware, because we need that state. Maine. And Wyoming.

Yeah, we need, we need Maine. We need Maine. I think we need, we need Maine. I think we do need Wyoming and I think one other one. I think you're right, Delaware, something like that. All right, well, we've, we're running out of time here and I'm hungry. So, hey, make sure you.

with you.

Share this with all your friends. Copy the link. I'm gonna start sending out Spotify links. So if you follow us on the social media on Facebook and Instagram and X, you can get the Spotify link. Or if you have Apple podcasts, go to there and type in, don't get this twisted and listen to us on there. And again, always share it. It's important if you wanna write like a cool review on any of those you can, it helps us get the word out. Anything else, Tina?

No, just, I don't know, I think.

On this podcast I've learned more than anything is not to apologize for being who I am. I'm not perfect, I don't want to be perfect, but I'm a pretty damn good person and if I'm encouraging anything I hope it's for people to just be more of who they are and start being authentic so you can have a life that means more to you. And that's what I'm trying to do, not that every day is my best day, but I just feel like if we all start being real

with each other then we could put down the facade that we have and start living a very honest and open different life where people don't need to be perfect to be somebody that you hold on to.

Yep, I'm gonna leave it at that. Be happy or at least try. It's an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday for my cohost Dina. I'm Rob, we'll see you in a week. Bye.

Be happy.

See ya.