Dr Andrew Mayers joins me for the final episode of Season 1. He's an academic psychologist specialising in - and campaigning for - better maternal and paternal mental health. We discuss MBUs, bonding issues suffered by some parents with perinatal illness, mum guilt, postpartum psychosis and the impact sleep deprivation has on mental health issues. We also cover the mental health of fathers and inequalities suffered by black and ethnic minority mums and LGBTQ+ parents within the perinatal health system.
*TRIGGER WARNING: BONDING ISSUES/BIRTH TRAUMA/POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:27] Introduction to Dr Andrew Mayers and his work.
[05:14] Mother & Baby Units - what they do.
[07:54] The '1001 Critical Days' of a child's development - from pregnancy till age 2.
[11:57] Bonding issues - not the mum's fault.
[16:14] What perinatal illnesses do to the parent.
[17:45] The supposed 'rush of love'/baby blues - the role of hormones after birth.
[19:20] The difference between 'normal' depression and postnatal depression.
[20:55] The role of grief or loss within PND. Traumatic births.
[23:24] Managing expectations vs. reality during pregnancy.
[25:15] Postpartum Psychosis.
[28:23] Maternal OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
[30:23] Advice for families and friends - how they can help.
[34:49] The massive link between sleep deprivation and mental health.
[36:15] Advice for parents who are sleep deprived.
[37:39] Fathers can get postnatal depression too.
[43:23] Looking ahead - what Andy wants to see happen.
[45:48] Different types of family - we need to be more inclusive for same sex and trans parents.
[48:05] Inequalities experienced by black and ethnic minority parents within the perinatal health system.
[50:14] Advice for anyone worried about a loved one or suffering themselves and worried about seeking help.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- andrewmayers.uk - further information on Andy and his work.
- '1001 Critical Days' report - The first 1001 days include pregnancy and the first two years of a child's life. There is clear, compelling evidence that this is a significant and influential phase in development. This is an age of opportunity. What happens during this period lays the foundation for every child’s future health, wellbeing, learning and earnings potential. It sets the groundwork for children’s developing emotional wellbeing, resilience and adaptability; the competencies they need to thrive.
- DorPiP - Support for families in Dorset. Andy is a trustee.
- Blue MumDays Ep 1: Liz Wise (bonding) - a reassuring listen for any parents who struggle to bond with their baby. We chat to both Liz and her adult daughter Emma, who Liz struggled to bond with when she was a baby.
- When Birth Leads To Trauma - Episode dedicated to understanding Birth Trauma with Dr. Rebecca Moore.
- Action on Postpartum Psychosis - Action on Postpartum Psychosis is the national charity for women and families affected by postpartum psychosis (PP).
- Maternal OCD charity - ‘OCD is a significant but a treatable problem. However, lack of knowledge amongst women experiencing perinatal OCD and the professionals they encounter has sometimes been a huge barrier to accessing treatment. Maternal OCD play a key role in helping women and healthcare professionals gain a better understanding of this disorder and how to identify and treat it’ - Dr. Fiona Challacombe
- ZombieMum podcast - Laura Dockrill's incredible podcast on postpartum psychosis and PND.
- Loving Kindness Meditation - our special 15 minute bonus episode to help you relax, rest and reset. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen for a moment of calm to yourself.
- 'Daddy Blues' episode: Mark Williams pt 1 / 'Daddy Blues' episode: Mark Williams pt 2 - Mark is a pioneer for father's mental health, following his own experience of PND.
- Elliott Rae's episode on vicarious birth trauma - from a dad's perspective.
- FiveXMore is a grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Also Motivational Mums Club and The Motherhood Group.
- Christina Brown's episode on the experience of black mums
- The Doula Episode with AJ Silver of The Queer Birth Club.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com
SEASON 2 *COMING SOON*
We are taking a very short break, but have a fantastic Season 2 lined up - we can't wait to share it with you very soon - watch this space!
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: app@app-network.org
Tel: 020 3322 9900
AIMS for better birthing.
Email: helpline@aims.org.uk
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: info@apni.org
Live chat online facility
Best Beginnings
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
Bi-Polar UK
email: info@bipolaruk.org
Birth Trauma Association
Email: support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
CALM
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Cedar House Support Group
Email: lwise@talktalk.net (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
DadsNet
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
Fathers Reaching Out
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
FiveXMore
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
fivexmore@gmail.com
Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.
LGBT Mummies
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: contact@lgbtmummies.com
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: hello@makebirthbetter.org
Maternal OCD
Peer support available, email info@maternalocd.org to
arrange
The Motherhood Group
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
info@themotherhoodgroup.com
Motivational Mums Club
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
motivationalmumsclub@gmail.com
Music Football Fatherhood
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
hello@musicfootballfatherhood.com
Muslim Women’s Network
Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: info@mwnhelpline.co.uk
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
Netmums
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
Clinic.
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
PANDAS
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – info@pandasfoundation.org.uk
Petals
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: counselling@petalscharity.org
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Samaritans
Tel: 116 123
(this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)
Web: www.samaritans.org
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Shout
Text SHOUT to 85258 to start a confidential conversation with a trained Shout volunteer.
Twins Trust
Twinline is Twins Trust’s listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more. All
the calls are answered by volunteers who have multiples themselves.
Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509,
alternatively email asktwinline@twinstrust.org.
Web: twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html
Tommy’s
Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.
Web: www.tommys.org
Helpline: Tommy’s
helpline has been closed temporarily but their midwives are answering questions
via email, Facebook,
