Are we asking our kids the wrong questions?

In this parenting mindset episode, Anya reveals the TRUTH about how one simple shift in the questions we ask can nurture happier, more confident children. Discover how embracing today—not chasing someday—can transform your parenting, homeschooling, and family connection.

🔗 Full Episode Details Here»

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

1. Why asking “What do you want to be when you grow up?” might be the wrong question— and how shifting your focus to who your child is today creates a deeper connection and joy.
2. What neuroscience says about your child’s brain development— including why the prefrontal cortex isn’t ready for big life decisions (and what that means for teens and toddlers).
3. How to release the pressure of “preparing” and embrace the power of presence— so you can nurture confident, happy kids without rushing their becoming.

📚 The Day They Asked Us the Big Question

I was six, sitting in a wooden chair with my feet dangling and my heart racing, when the teacher looked up and asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Around me, little voices called out answers like “doctor” and “astronaut,” rehearsed dreams borrowed from picture books and parents.

But in that moment, all I could think about was recess, sunshine, and the thrill of just being—right here, right now.

So I answered, “Happy.”

The teacher blinked, a little confused, and said, “I don’t think you understood the assignment.”

But deep down, even at six, part of me wondered if maybe she didn’t understand life.

5 Key Takeaways:

1️⃣ Presence Over Pressure — A child’s worth isn’t in who they’ll become, but in who they already are today. Start there.

2️⃣ Brains Need Time — The prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until the mid-20s. Expecting teens to choose their future is like asking a seed to bloom on demand.

3️⃣ Questions Shape Identity — “What do you want to be?” focuses on doing. Try asking, “Who are you becoming?” instead—it invites connection and self-trust.

4️⃣ Today Builds Tomorrow — Joyful, curious moments now are the real prep for the future. Recess matters. So do questions about bugs and block towers.

5️⃣ You’re Becoming Too — This journey isn’t just about raising kids—it’s about raising ourselves into more present, grounded, grace-filled humans.

Timestamps

0:00 – What if we’ve been asking the wrong question all along?

0:35 – A childhood classroom memory and the answer “Happy”

1:35 – Welcome to The Ana Garcia Show

2:00 – From courtrooms to homeschooling: my journey

3:00 – You don’t need more to be enough—alignment over perfection

3:40 – Okay, full disclosure… I said attorney

4:00 – The wisdom of John Lennon and a mindset shift

4:40 – Are we preparing too much and missing the present?

5:15 – That child in front of you—covered in paint and full of wonder

5:50 – Why we can’t expect high schoolers to have it all figured out

6:30 – Science says: the brain’s not ready for big life decisions

7:10 – The pressure teens face to choose, and what studies show

8:00 – What if we became protectors of their present?

8:30 – Anchoring our kids to the now—not an imagined future

9:00 – Harvard research on early childhood brain development

9:40 – Fall in love with the process, not the outcome

10:10 – Ask this instead: Who are you becoming today?

10:40 – We’re becoming too—stay soft, stay present, stay curiousResources & Links

🔗 Full Episode Details Here»

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📚 Research & Sources Mentioned

• Giedd, J. N. (2015). The teen brain: Insights from neuroimaging. Journal of Adolescent Health, 52(2), S2–S6.
• Gati, I., Gadassi, R., & Shemesh, N. (2023). Career decision-making difficulties among adolescents: A multi-dimensional analysis. Frontiers in Education, 8, Article-1097993.
• BestColleges. (2023). Students feel pressure to decide their future too early.
• Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Brain architecture. Harvard University.
• Montessori, M. (1967). The Absorbent Mind (C. A. Claremont, Trans.). Holt, Rinehart and Winston. (Original work published 1949)
• Garcia, A. (2023, October 17). Redefining what you want to be. Montessori From The Heart.
• Garcia, A. (2024, October 18). What if "Who do you want to be?" isn’t the right question? Let’s focus on today. Montessori From The Heart.

🌟 SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

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🎙 Thanks for tuning in, and I will see you next time!

What if I told you the question we have been asking our kids for generations is the wrong one? What if chasing who they will be someday is stealing joy from who they are today?

Stick around till the end, because today's mindset shift could change the way you teach, parent, and live. But first, let me take you down memory lane. I can still picture it—the chalky scent of the blackboard.

The worn feeling of the wooden chair beneath me as I sat with my feet swinging just above the floor. My teacher stood at the front of the classroom, her voice echoing off the walls as she asked each of us the question we've all heard before:

What do you want to be when you grow up? The answers came rolling in like a well-rehearsed script: doctor, lawyer, ballerina. Some were loud, some unsure.

But each child, one after another, named a future version of themselves they could barely imagine. Well, it was my turn. I froze for a second. You see, my mom had always told me that happiness was the most important thing in life.

I could still hear her words ringing in my ears: "Whatever you do, honey, make sure it makes you happy." So when the teacher asked what I wanted to be, I wasn't thinking about the future at all.

I was daydreaming about the moment—

The warmth of the sun streaming through the windows, the excitement of recess just around the corner, and the sweet anticipation of going home to play. So I answered: happy. Simple. Bold. Unapologetically present.

The teacher, slightly puzzled, looked at me and said, "I don't think you understood the assignment." And with the kind of simple-but-shocking wisdom only a child can deliver, I looked up and replied, "Maybe you don't understand life."

Hey, my friend, and welcome to the Ana Garcia Show.

Here we will explore the science of learning, the art of parenting, and the mindset shifts that help you simplify your journey to amplify your growth. You see, I thought I would find purpose in courtrooms until motherhood showed me it was waiting at home.

So I traded my attorney briefcase for the beauty of homeschooling, depositions for diapers, and settlements for sensory play. I stepped off the legal path so that I can walk it with you. Because parenting doesn't come with a manual or legal briefs, so—

So no wonder it can feel overwhelming and messy. But I see you showing up every day, even when no one is watching. And that little voice, "Am I doing enough?" I hear it too. But here is the truth:

You don't need more to be enough. Because more doesn't create peace—alignment does. Progress matters more than perfection. And when you stop doubting,

You start leading with confidence. And before you know it, you have created a space where you and your child thrive. Because humans are born with this natural desire to learn and grow.

And I am here to help you harness that. Your child's potential is limitless. And so is yours. We just need to unlock it. Okay, full disclosure:

In real life, I said I wanted to be an attorney, and that dream came true. But let's just say happiness is not guaranteed in a law office. "Happy" would have been a bold, brave answer, but it actually belongs to John Lennon.

And the story still gives me goosebumps because it makes me wonder—what if we spent less time worrying about the future and more time embracing the joy, the beauty, and the wonder of today?

What if we stopped asking our children what they wanted to become and started focusing on who they are right now? As a homeschooling mom, you're likely bombarded with advice:

How to prepare your child. How to raise independent thinkers. How to get them ready to read, lead, thrive. But what about today? Right now—this moment?

What about the child standing in front of you, covered in paint, giggling with laughter, full of raw curiosity and tender questions? What about them—just as they are? Because here is something wild to consider: we cannot even expect a high schooler to know who they want to be.

Seriously—science backs this up. The part of the brain responsible for long-term planning and big life decisions, the prefrontal cortex, does not fully develop until mid-20s.

That means the cognitive ability to make a clear, confident career decision is literally still under construction until they graduate high school. Yet we hand them college brochures, SAT prep books, and say, "Alright, what's the plan?"

In fact, a recent study published in the Frontier in Education found that most teens struggle with something called career decision-making difficulties. And no surprise—those struggles are linked to lack of readiness, a lack of information, and the bigger one? Pressure.

Pressure to know, to choose, to commit. And it's not just gut feeling—the numbers back it up.

So if we are asking teenagers to define themselves before their brain is fully baked, how much more grace should we give our toddlers and preschoolers, our kindergarteners, our beautiful, growing little humans? What if instead of rushing their future, we become protectors of their present?

What if our job isn't to map their entire journey, but to hold space for the part they're in right now—to witness their becoming? One question. One wonder. One messy, magical moment at a time.

Because when we ask our children what they want to be, we are accidentally anchoring them to a future version of themselves they cannot even imagine yet. But what if the real magic happens when we ask them who they are right now? What brings them joy today?

What are they curious about this morning—before breakfast is even served? You see, neuroscience tells us that children under seven live almost entirely in the present moment.

Their brains are wired for curiosity, exploration, and soaking up life like sponges dipped in glitter.

In fact, research from Harvard Center on the Developing Child shows that during these early years, a child's brain forms over 1 million new neural connections every second—just from playing, asking, trying, failing, and trying again. This stage is not just cute—it's foundational. It's how their identity is being built, brick by beautiful brick.

So why are we pushing them toward the future when they're already thriving in the now? What if we stopped obsessing over the outcome and started falling in love with the process?

What if the goal wasn't to raise a polished child with a flawless transcript, but a whole human who knows they're loved, safe, and free to be exactly who they are right now? That kind of becoming—it happens in the present. It happens at the kitchen table. It happens in the chaos when you show up—not perfect, but present.

So maybe we've been asking the wrong question. Not "What do you want to be when you grow up?" But instead, "Who are you becoming today, sweetheart?"

Or better yet, "How can I love and support who you are right here, right now?" Because when we give our children permission to live fully in this moment, we're not holding them back—we're setting them free.

And when we start to honor our own presence, we realize we are becoming, too. So, my sweet friend, stay present, stay soft, and stay curious. Because the real lesson—it's not about who they will become.

It's about who they are today—and who you are in this sacred, fleeting moment. Okay, my sweet friend, thank you so much for spending your time with me today.

And if today's episode touched your heart, I would love for you to share it with another mama walking this journey. You see, we are in this together. And sometimes the smallest shift in perspective can open the biggest door. Okay, my sweet friend, until next time.

With all my love.