Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode, Robb and Tina discuss the concept of digital modesty in relationships in the modern digital age. They explore topics such as cutting off communication with others, undivided attention and phone usage, posting pictures of your partner on social media, and being proud of your relationship on social media. They emphasize the importance of trust and open communication in maintaining a healthy relationship. In this conversation, Tina and Robb discuss various aspects of relationships and friendships. They emphasize the importance of setting expectations in relationships and not settling for less than what one deserves. They also highlight the value of maintaining strong friendships and being consistent and supportive. The conversation touches on the topic of digital privacy in relationships, with both speakers advocating for openness and trust. The episode concludes with closing remarks and a hopeful outlook for the future.

Explicit

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This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I made it. We're done with Christmas. We are done with Christmas.

We are done with Christmas, that's very true. I think it was, it wasn't that bad actually for me, but you know, I don't have family and things on this side of the world anymore, so.

It's always a lot of work in my family, or at least for me it is. And I got everything done, had it ready before everybody was there. And when my brother and the kids showed up, because we always play this game as part of their Christmas, which cost me a bloody fortune, but it's so much fun. By the time they showed up for their game, I was eating breakfast. I had made breakfast and bought bagels and did the whole nine yards. So I was kind of good yesterday other than just...

freaking exhausted from doing everything so I planned it out better than I ever have before I was impressed

Yeah, I'm sure.

Very nice. Yeah, I was alone. So my son went to mom's house the night before, so Christmas morning, I got one gift from a friend of mine. And that was it. So I opened, and I got it the day before, but I didn't open it until Christmas morning, which I got a really nice, she got me like a little desk stand.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

for like your cell phone and a bunch of other shit. And then she got me this little key chain that says like, you know, it had a angel wing, a pearl, cause my mom is a Gemini. And it said like, you know, your mom's a guardian angel was a key chain. It was really nice. Kind of, it broke me down to a blubbing when I got it. So, yeah, cause it's kind of, you know, first time with that mom on Christmas. So.

Hmm.

The first holidays, the first everything are the hardest. Not that it gets all that much easier, but the first one's like especially hard. I was missing my mom yesterday, and she's been gone 12 years. And I, you know, there was just stuff I wanted to say, but I only wanted to say it to her, and she wasn't there for it. So it's kind of, that doesn't go away, unfortunately.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was definitely a different experience of not hearing from, you know, I mean, my mom always called me on all the holidays, so it was kind of that weird, but.

Yeah, it was a not a bad Christmas. It was nice. And like I said, it was a nice little gift. And it's a key chain, so I won't put on my keys because I put my you know, I'm a man. So like I put them in my pocket and it'll get hammered. So I think I'm going to get like a nice little magnetic ring carrying holder or something. And I'm going to so I can put it on something in my room and just kind of have it hanging. It's nice.

Hmm

Nice. You should have came over for tamales though. We missed you.

Well, Odin ended up coming home. So I was like, and then we were going to go, we went and did lunch. But then after that, he ended up bailing on me again anyway, but way later. And I had to fly him to the airport. Really a bizarre, bizarre thing.

Mmm.

Now that I have a 21 year old, he's gonna be, I think, gallivanting around and he ended up going to Vegas with a friend of his and they partied all night and he had a hangover the next morning. It was an experience for sure. Ah, we're gonna talk about something that I heard on another podcast and I know that we're not big promoters of everyone else, but I listened to one called Modern Wisdom and it's an amazing podcast. If you people out there wanna listen to it, it's...

I'm gonna go.

Yay!

It's awesome.

basically just a lot of life things. And it comes from like.

different parts, so it's not left or right leaning. He's kind of a centralist and kind of works both ways. And he has tons of guests on, and I'm sure if you go to that podcast, you'll see. But he talked about something that I thought was very interesting in the relationships of today. And he called it digital modesty. And basically it was him explaining how we all need to act while we're with people in the modern digital age,

social media. And, and I, you know, it's, it's kind of a two way street, because I think it's, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. But I found it interesting how the guest he had on started just kind of going through things. And it was a female. And and she was very blunt about like, Oh, look, we cut everyone off.

Hmm

Like, if it makes your relationship better, cut everyone off because it's more important to work on the inside of your relationship than liking pictures. And this was a person who is a comedian. So she has a

Following on social media where she has to you know post things and be on blah But she was also like look. That's all I do. I post things and leave because it's the way of the world and I don't think that most people look at it that way right because we scroll through pictures to be amused and how do you stop either stop doing that or

You have to be very...

Um, I guess very short-minded of what you do with other humans that either you don't know or you do know. So I found it interesting to as a conversation of what do we do today? What do we do in the modern world of relationships and social media?

That's interesting because I never really thought about that because I don't I don't peruse social media to pick up on people. So when you told me that I was like there people have to be told how to act. But maybe I'm wrong and not only do they need to know how to react but we need to have an opinion about it because I don't have an opinion about what my

significant other would do on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or who they would like. I don't I don't want to know so I don't pay that close attention to what they do. Never did.

Mm-hmm. I just think that, I don't think it's just picking up people, but I do believe that is a part of it. Like there's, because we have DMs, right? We have messaging apps that aren't your text message app. So I think there's many things where, I think Twitter's its own monster where if you're,

Mm-hmm.

scrolling through twitter you're looking for what people say because it's more of a messaging an app where you're looking for what someone has said where instagram is something based on pictures and there are plenty of both sexes that post things on there that are meant to get reaction

Mm-hmm.

I agree. I um, I don't know, I see pictures that people opposed and uh, you know, some are pretty risque. And it's funny because I'm like, look at this. I would show, I would be the one to show my significant other and say, could you imagine her putting this out? I mean, nice ass, but do we need to see all this every time? I don't look at it in, um, I don't know.

I think that if you pick a person who has some integrity, you don't have to worry about what they're looking on their social media, because let's face it, they don't only just have to look at social media, you could pull up porn in your phone on your on your drive to work and watch it while you're driving. I've heard people say they've done that. I've never done that. Not that coordinated to drive and watch something on my phone. But like if you go to work and do that.

there's and want to do that. There's a couple of things that are going on in your life that needs some attention. First of all, it's you, you need a little bit of attention. And second of all, it's like, where's your integrity with your significant other? And I think that if we don't...

Correct.

Somebody said you get what you accept to me a long time ago and I thought about that Over the years so many times because if I accept that our persons going to be talking to somebody in their Instagram Dms, then that's what I'm gonna get if that's not something that I want then I would pick somebody that's not that type of person and so I Don't know. I just didn't notice I didn't notice when I was married

that I needed to watch the social media, maybe I needed to. I didn't, I wasn't doing anything on mine, so I didn't have to worry about me. So I didn't worry about him either. And I think that's a big part of it as well.

I totally agree. I think like it's all a slippery slope, right? Where if I look at it from two different sides where guys are probably

doing more of the DMing, right? They're the ones that are messaging girls on sites, right? Both either Facebook and or Instagram, where I think girls are the ones that are going to be predominantly posting the pictures that are going to get attention. So it's a two-way street. If you're with somebody that is not an influencer,

right.

Which is a whole other monster in itself, but you know we can dive into both if you're a regular person Right and we'll put that in air quotes because I think these days there probably are no regular people if you're posting pictures in scantily clad things You're going to get attention from Either men in your life or people who are not if you have an open

um account so i think there's something there if you have a closed account and you have lots of people that are following you you're going to get attention so if you're dating someone that has that you have to understand what it is they're trying to do um

For me, I don't know, I'm a pretty open-minded person, but I'm trustworthy at that. So if you don't trust the person you're with from the beginning, it's all going to go downhill, regardless of what they're there for. But if someone came to me and said, and I'm gonna go down the line of either social media and or texting.

Mm-hmm.

Oh for sure.

like a regular thing. If you have someone in your life that means a lot to you, so if I had a girlfriend who said, and I got a text message from somebody in my past, whether it's a friend, ex-girlfriend, whatever, you have to handle that accordingly. If my girlfriend came to me and said, look, I would prefer that girl not text you because you have a past.

I would probably go, cool, and I'll tell both sides, like look, right now it's great hearing from you, but my girlfriend prefers that I don't talk to other people. And I don't think that there's anything wrong with that as long as you both know why you're doing it. Because...

I want everyone to be happy on both sides. If I go to an old friend of mine and said, look, it's nice to talk to you, but I can't talk to you all the time. And check in every once in a while, that's okay. But I would also tell my significant other that these people are going to check in with me, but I'm not gonna have full blown conversations of what's going on in the world. Someone who dates me would have to understand that we talk all the time.

because we have, you know what I mean? Like there's reasons that we talk.

Right. Me and you have a little thing going on that's not, you know, it's all about what we do on our podcast. But still, people could get jealous of that really easily and want to take my place or kind of like squeeze me out to have that with you. So, yeah, I get that. But I wouldn't see. I don't date people that would have a problem with that. I think that's the start of.

Sure.

Mm-hmm.

Sure, but see those things can pop up out of nowhere. I think that's the other thing.

Yeah, I would shut that down. I would be like, I have a life. I've had a life and the half of the people on this earth are male. So you're going to have to get used to me interacting. If you don't trust me, that's a problem that you and I have that needs to be addressed and fixed quickly because we shouldn't be together if we don't.

Mm hmm. So. So I asked my son because I thought, hey, let's see what someone from a different generation would think.

And that's how I would handle that.

And my son was like super duper like, I just cut everybody off. But he also thinks that way in regular life. Like if a friend of his says something crazy that he just and they think it's going to go sideways, he'll just start blocking people. He doesn't care. So he's the test subject is probably a little off. Right. Because my kid doesn't give a shit. He's like, hey, whatever happened to this person. Yeah, I don't talk to him anymore. And it's

Yeah.

He has no issue, block, block. He goes, I use that fucking button so much, I don't know what to do. And I was like, oh, okay. So he goes, if I am with somebody and I have a really good relationship with them and I wanna keep that relationship going, he goes, I'll cut off everybody, because I don't care. And I was like, oh, okay. I found that to be very odd because that's not what happens in the modern world.

Wow.

So I was trying to kind of go along the board of what most people should do. And I believe these days most people would not do that. And I think if the people in your life are not willing to maybe at least bend a little bit, there's probably a bigger problem. So I don't know.

There's a couple of problems I have with what Odin said. First of all, people are not expendable for one type of fences. And I think that that's where the world is coming from these days. Oh, well you did this to me, so I'm never gonna speak to you again. Man, part of me thinks that I should have been more like that in my life, because there's a couple of people I should have cut off a long time before I did. But maybe the lessons weren't done being learned, and I had to, you know, suck it up and go through it again. But I...

Don't judge people from their worst day. I try to judge them based on their whole relationship with me. And so in doing so you don't get to cut people off as quickly. So I have a hard time understanding how easy that is and how lonely it could be if you do that all the time. But on the other hand, I get it. If you don't put up with bullshit, you don't have to deal or have any of those lessons because you just got rid of them. But at the end of your life, who are you left with? I wonder about that.

Yeah, I think today, and I'm not talking about our generation. I believe in our generation, you're very, very much, the statement you said is very true.

I think now because they live in a digital world where like my kid has He talks to lots of people because he's a gamer. So People probably come in and out of his social circle very quickly Because he'll play with 50 or 60 people a day that he might not know and if he doesn't

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Well that would be easy to cut those off. You have no relationship with them.

correct. But what ends up happening is I think that he'll gain relationships with these people. And maybe he'll say something that they didn't like and say something to him. And he's like, I don't care. Because I don't think he sees them as the type of friend that they are, or he sees them for what they are.

Well, if you've never met, are you really friends?

I have an argument with that as well, but I think no, but that's my own opinion. But maybe not today. I think that they see each other as maybe he said something to me in the car the other day that I thought was kind of interesting. He goes, I have a lot of acquaintances, but not a lot of friends. And I hold that very true from when I was in the wrestling business. I have lots of acquaintances, but not a lot of friends. And that's not a shot at anybody. I just, I.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

had a different life during that. I wasn't when I was wrestling a lot. I was in a relationship and married and had kids and a bunch of other things. So my early wrestling days, I think I had a lot of friends and those slowly became acquaintances because of life and

Mm-hmm.

The same will happen with my kid because of being a gamer. You know, he's 21, he can do more things. He can go different places now. He'll probably be less likely to do that and start having more real world friends because he can do more now.

So in our life, I think that for me, look, I'm willing to make my relationship work. And if my significant other was, and I'll say the word jealous, but maybe I don't know if that's the total thing. I think, look, you should give your real world partner way more...

attention than you should have any phone ever. But I'm also one to say, look, leave your phone on the table when you're with each other. Nothing's that important. There's no other person that should be, you know, with the exception of maybe your child. And...

Of course.

Mm-hmm.

And that I would understand that if you're out and about and you get a text message from your child, they should be first priority during whatever you're doing. Like, oh, look, this is happening. But other people know, undivided attention is something that is far gone.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I think it's hard to be without your phone whenever you're with your, your significant other, because like my phone chimes in all the time, family situations that are going on my job. Uh, all my clients call in on that phone and, and there are just times that, that I won't do it. Like if we're sitting down to eat, I won't pick it up. If we're, um, in a movie or something, I won't pick it up. Um, I will send a quick text, Hey, I will get back to you. And, and it goes,

You know, it's just like a two, it's a two hit on my phone and it goes to them and then that stops it. And then whoever I see that I sent that to, I go back and talk to them later. But I will stop and do that. But after a certain time of day or during certain hours, I won't pick it up at all. So I do make time, but I still have the use of my phone.

Mm-hmm.

Correct, now if you were on a date, would you? Okay, so.

No, then the phone gets put in the... I'll leave it in the side pocket of the car even.

Right, and I think that look that's when undivided attention has to be done.

Mm-hmm.

And again, you should be dating your partner if you're married you should be dating and I think that those are those are things where digital modesty has to be said like look we're out tonight and Look in my case. I would always tell my kid because like I have no problem with that We have kind of a you know, it's just me and him. So I have a relationship with him where I'd be like, hey, dude I'm going on a date. I'll see you later and He would probably only text me at the house

Mm-hmm.

burning down. Matter of fact, he only generally texts me if the house is burning down because he's in his own world. Some people don't have that. They have kids that are constantly still in their life. So if you're with somebody who has an eight-year-old, right, they're

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

they're constantly still in your life and they're always there even if they're at their you know the exes house for the weekend i've seen it where like still they're like oh you're they're getting text messages from those people so i can i can see how that could be a problem but i think the bigger

with people who aren't children. So if you're getting text messages from people on your Instagram who might think you're single or are trying to do that, like I understand where someone might get upset with that. But there's gotta be a story to that as well. I've heard something where...

I have to protect the innocent. Someone, a significant other got upset because a ex-boyfriend of their daughter text them and was saying, oh, just so you know, I had a crush on you, blah, on the mom.

on the mom of the person they were dating.

So yeah, my friend got a text message from her daughter's ex-boyfriend. Just saying, you know, checking in and just saying, you know, because maybe this person didn't know that she was in a relationship at the time. I don't know the whole story.

Wow, that's some balls.

Yeah, but you don't go to your ex-girlfriend's mom and tell her that shit?

Probably not, but again, she cut it off. She was like, that's nice, but I'm with somebody and it's sweet, you're also a child. Like...

No, no, that's not sweet. I'm sorry you were with my daughter. Don't be a nasty ass and call me to do that again. That's that's how it should have been.

I don't know the wording, but either way, she cut it off, like saying, hey, look, you know, you're my daughter's ex and you know, it's not appropriate. Did cut it off. The current boyfriend got really, really mad.

Mm-hmm.

And she even said like, look, I showed him. Like I didn't, this wasn't like.

And I think that, you know, I, in my head, I was like, okay, how could this have been avoided? Now, you know, look, we all have friends and or followers that we don't talk to all the time, right? Because of social media, you would be like, oh, I knew that person in high school, click. And out of nowhere, they might come back into your life.

So what I'm saying is, is how do you, how do you do that? How do you, how do you circumvent this situation in modern relationships? And it's not just that person, it's all of us.

I think it's the way you... I don't get a lot of that. Even being single, I don't get a lot of that. But I don't act like that either. If you act a certain way and you have integrity, people don't tend to push it. But the ones that do push it, you just gotta be really blatantly honest with and say, look, not interested, quit talking to me like this, or quit reaching out to me.

But then on the other hand, the boyfriend shouldn't get all pissed off because she's handled herself in an appropriate manner. You have to allow people to do things and know that she's going to be okay with it. You need to allow her to handle that. And if you don't, there's a serious problem with who you are as an insecure jackass, but also in your relationship because that means that are you that vulnerable that you'll do it? That would make me think that way.

Like, oh, you're mad at me for this? Why are you doing that?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's trust.

I would turn it.

Mm-hmm.

I think everything ends up being trust, right? Where if you're not, if you're not trustworthy of the person you're with.

Mm-hmm.

it's going to show quite quickly and you should get yourself out of that. And you have to be willing to, at least in my case, I would say, you have to be willing to try to make other people happy. It's too easy to go in and...

like people's pictures that are on the internet. If that's something that bothers your significant other, it should be talked about and capped off as soon as you can. This shouldn't be something that lingers over and over. And if you're the type of person who has to go and flip through...

say it because Instagram is a weird thing. I don't want to say dirty pictures but there's so many girls that are on Instagram that that's their living to get clicks and to um

push you towards their OnlyFans or their other way of making money. So to me, I see that as a carny lifestyle and I understand it, but I stay away from that stuff. I could easily get rid of social media with the exception of pushing this show. I could easily do it. I would rather talk to my significant other via text all day long than ever scroll through Instagram.

Mm-hmm. I uh, I didn't have my phone for two and a half months because I lost it I mean I had a phone but I didn't have my Apple ID Password so I was resetting it resetting it in two and a half months later. I finally got it back So for that time, I did not have social media and I didn't have You know all that and I didn't miss it at all

I can find that easy.

Yeah, I can see why. It's, to me, it's not hard to get away from with the exception of passing the time that that's what we've made this is a time passer, right?

Mm-hmm.

I forgot what the, I know we've done it before and it was on one of our previous podcasts of how long you scroll daily, the average of most people. And it's huge, it's hours and hours that we waste time on. So for me, look, that you have to, this should be something first of all that you talk about now early in relationships.

Hmm.

and shouldn't even be something that people should be mad over. You should be able to ask yourself, do you spend a lot of time on social media? Is it important to you? If I don't like something you're doing, is it going to be a problem? I think that those should be common questions in modern dating. Because it's the one thing that's going to keep your relationship.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Happy.

Mm-hmm. There's um, there's this guy that I speak to and We we haven't taken it anywhere, but we started on the premise of dating and stuff and we're slowly doing that But I noticed that he used to do a lot of videos of him driving, you know, it was like a

just a GoPro type thing where it was like him driving and you could hear the music. He was basically just letting you listen to what he was listening to in the car as he was driving. And one time he asked me, he said, you don't, um, you don't ever say anything unless, you know, it's just me and you. Why is that? And, and, uh, I said to him, I said, well, it makes me uncomfortable. If I want to have a conversation with a bunch of people, I'd like to know them. So I'm not going to say anything, you know.

when there's other people on. And then I was like, we haven't gone there. So I don't know what you have going on, what your game is. And I'm not trying to. Cock block on you. So I'm giving you space to do whatever you got to do. And I said, I, I see who follows you. I did see cause just in random when you're making, you know.

a comment or whatever you could see the other comments and always the same like bunch of women and I said, I'm not trying to ruin your game and I'm not trying to get a get a phone call from somebody that's pissed off because you're with them and I'm not. I don't do that sort of thing. And and he said, well, the people he goes, I don't think you should worry about the people who always comment because they're family members, which I don't know that either. So

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I who knows one way or another I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but I just don't know and the other thing is and he said, I'm talking but you're the one I'm talking to and I said to him, I don't know what you do.

when you're not around, but I'm not making a big deal out of it. I take myself out of the situation. And if you want to call me and talk to me, talk to me. But yeah, if you have a good song, I'll set my phone down because I don't care where you're driving. I don't really know where you're driving. I'll put my phone down, listen to the song and whoever talks to you. I'm not even paying attention to, I don't give it that much of my time. And, and I don't think you should give stuff your time like that because

It's it's just nonsense and whomever I want to be with I want them to want to be with me I don't want him. I don't want to be worrying about him on his instagram all the time and He he actually cut off his Instagram completely. I don't know why it wasn't because of me. It wasn't You know, I guess he somebody was following him or he was having baby mama drama Who knows what the hell it was, but he just cut it out and I was like, oh well Where I thought I needed

Maybe it was a concern that I needed to pay attention to not talk to him about pay attention to it burn itself out And I didn't have to be the jackass that looked insecure so, you know, I just kind of You got to you got to figure out I guess The what it is you got to figure out what you're going to put up with And then just don't put up with anything less. You don't need to change a person You just don't need to be with them. If they're not your person. They're not your person

Right.

So here.

And that's how I kind of am rolling with that.

So here's another, let's go down on this side of it. So if you're in, and again, relationships are very bizarre now. I have to preface that before I say what I'm about to say. If you're with somebody and you both have social medias, should you have pictures with your significant other on there?

Yes.

Okay, so because I've seen, no, no. I think in general, in general, and I know some people are private. Look, we live in a world of Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, you know, X, Twitter, whatever you wanna call it. I've seen people's social media that when they were with somebody, have no pictures at all of the person they're with.

I mean, not sexual pictures, I guess it depends on what type of picture.

I find that bizarre, but I guess maybe just because I'm a proud partner. If I have a social media and I'm dating someone, I want pictures of us together. I want people to know because generally I'm proud of the person I'm with. I want people to look and go, oh yeah, I saw you posted pictures of you guys here. Whatever it is.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I find that to be the norm of a normal relationship. If you're in a relationship with somebody and there's no pictures of the person you're with, I find that bizarre. And I find it very disheartening as a partner.

agree.

Mm-hmm. I think if you want to share your whole life, but not who you're with there's a problem with

If you know what I mean, if you're.

Mm-hmm. And I find that to be more common.

But I don't think that there needs to be an overabundance. I just, what's that?

No, no, you're right. There shouldn't be an over an abundant. It doesn't have to be unless that's your thing. Look, if you're one of those couples that share everything, awesome. There's nothing wrong with that. I follow other wrestlers that show their partner all the time and very proud of it and very

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

And but they're the thing is that their social media isn't a money making platform. I've seen other people who are entertainers that rarely show their man. But their presence is their you know, look, they're selling them and the

Mm-hmm.

fantasy of themselves even though most people know they're married and it's that's a weird thing where if your social media is a business that's a whole other monster that we could a rabbit hole we could go down um because some of these girls are selling them right they're selling themselves as a product um and that's not who i want to talk about i want to talk about

Mm-hmm.

Right.

regular standard people and I think that's where the issue lies is us the regular person who i'm not talking about a girl who has an only fans and And this and they're selling themselves and they're trying to make money off their social media

Well, the OnlyFans thing is an... yeah, the OnlyFans is a whole different situation. We're talking about normal people and normal relationships.

that it is. I mean, yeah. And I know people who have only fans and look, that's their that's their bread and butter. Good for you. I don't want to shit on somebody that does that. I wouldn't date someone who had one, but that's my own. That's my own thing. You know, and this is coming from a photographer who has who has taken, you know, scantily clad pictures of people.

I get it.

scantily clad. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, um, so like, I mean, there is some hypocrisy in that. That will, what I just said, but the flip side of that is too, is like this. And this is sort of down that social media thing. If I date someone and they went to me and said, look, I would prefer you don't take pictures of girls like that anymore. I would stop.

Mm-hmm.

and I have no problem with that because I don't make money from it.

Does is there like a flip side? Is there like a flip side to that though? We're like, why are you so insecure that you're worrying that I'm taking professional photos? You know, I, to me, that's a problem.

No, I don't think that...

See, it's not a problem to me, because I think that there's a line in the sand of people. Look, if it makes my significant other uncomfortable, and it's not a business, I'm not making money from it. If I made money from this, that'd be a whole other monster. Then I would have to go, look, this is a business. And then I would say, I can't. But this is something that I do as a hobby.

Okay, I get you.

My money. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Now the flip side of that as I would probably end up going to my significant other and going just so you know you're going to become my muse though. Like it's still an outlet. Like I take pictures because I like to take pictures of pretty people and that would be my significant other. But the flip side of that is that I uh

when it came to a digital thing, I would be okay cutting off, you know, pretty much everyone that in that I would that someone would have a problem with, but I would expect the same. It's definitely a two way street. But I, you know, I would hope that if I'm in a relationship with somebody that the world would know it. I think that's important. And, you know, I hear a lot of people, they, they talk shit about people.

It's absolutely important.

that I've seen where in their bio, because we all have a bio somewhere, you know, people would talk shit if it said like, you know, married to, and it would give their at, like their page. And people were like, oh, I think that that's a bit much, and like, why do you have to say that? Why not? There's nothing wrong with that. Be proud. You know, be proud of it.

Mm-hmm.

Um, hmm. Uh, you know, be proud that you can, that you can, um, be in a relationship with somebody, but like there's got to be a line in the sand for everyone and You have to pick yours, I guess

Yeah. Well, mine is I don't want to pick somebody that's going to be doing stuff behind my back. And if they do, it's not shame on me. It's shame on them. I want to have that trust where I don't, I don't want to have to control that because then if it's not that, what will it be? Phone calls on the ride to work, phone calls on their lunch break, phone calls, text messages all day that just gets deleted. If a person wants to cheat or for person wants to talk to somebody, they will find a way.

Sure.

And I know that because I've been in situations where that's happened. Um, but I just think it's. I think that we need to start accepting better for ourselves than what we do in a relationship. If you know this guy is a hound and he's going to be cheating, get the fuck away from him. If you know this girl needs so much attention that you can't be the only person that she talks to. Get somebody that can like if, if we.

Mm-hmm.

If we get what we expect, then we should everybody should rise above to get if they want me, they'll work hard enough to have it and And I do believe in that and I do have really good relationships with people because of my expectation But I don't give them anything less than what I accept for myself, too Like I will and I think you know this for as long as you and i've been friends I've been probably the most consistent friend you've ever had like we whatever way we decided to be friends

Sure.

We have always consistently been that type of way with each other and it works. It works for me. It works for you. Nobody steps on anybody's toes and we have a good time when we're together and we know that we could call no matter how many years are apart. But if we go with years apart, it's still not any different. I still treat you the same way I did as you do me at 16 as we do now. And I think that that's a, yeah.

All right.

Correct, yeah, and we have gone many years without really seeing each other. We've always kept in touch. So here's a question. Uh huh. Yeah, I mean obviously since your divorce and my...

Yeah. Right.

We pop in and pop out as need be.

What's the question?

idea of starting this podcast. We've probably talked more in the last year and a half than we did for our years of being married.

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Well, not as probably about the same amount as when we were in school together. But after that, it definitely we had to go our separate ways. And I don't think anybody that I don't think that are the people that we were with really understood our friendship. It's not based on anything but us being friends and joking around and being supportive of each other. And, you know, there's been times where you've been super close to me. I remember.

Yeah, so.

Mm-hmm.

You spent a whole weekend with me after I had my teeth pulled because I was dying and my boyfriend decided to go MIA on me and you stayed and watched bad TV on a Saturday morning before cable like we go way back of being close friends but then we could also like go for the longest time not seeing or talking to each other and then boom we're right back to being friends but there's no gap in the friendship for some reason we always know where the other one is and what's happening and

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And that works. And I don't think that I would tell you, I can't be your friend if my significant other thought you were a threat. I'd have to tell him to man up and grow some balls and, and deal with that because there is nothing wrong with it.

Yeah, I think you would. Correct, and I think that we you. And for both sides, you should have friends of the opposite sex. It is important for a lot of different reasons. Because if you're with the person you love dearly, talk if you're a man, talking to your male friends about your girl is probably not a good idea.

For sure.

because you're going to get...

No, I think it's not a good idea for women to talk about them either.

Look, I think it's a good idea to go to them and say to be able to have a female friend to go This is what i'm going through What do you think is happening? Not and to not hear. Oh, she's a fucking whore bag. You need to dump her it's You need to get the information of maybe she's going through this And see if that is what's going on

Exactly.

Like I said, you can't have the person, the first thing they say is dump them. And I think male friends are very much like that. They're like, fuck that chick, go get somebody else. And I think that that's a wrong message. And I think it's the wrong message from a female friend as well. You should have someone who's going to go, maybe she's going through this try.

Hehe.

Early.

And maybe if you came to me and go, this guy's doing this, I'd go, okay, maybe he's thinking this way. Find out. Those are the kind of friends you need. Um, the, the one thing that I'll say is, uh, uh-huh. Mm hmm. Keep going.

See, and I don't even do that. I let people.

I don't even do that. I just listen and then I tell the person, you'll figure it out. You know, I don't have the answer for you. Just like I didn't have it when I went through it. My situation's never gonna be yours. I'll sit and listen and not judge you. That's what I do. I don't even get caught up in it. Cause you know what? Ain't nobody gonna listen if they're in love anyway. They're gonna do what they wanna do and you're gonna end up.

being a friend or being the asshole that tried to break them up. But nonetheless, they'll still be together if they're supposed to be. So I tend to just listen and then say, well, you may want to look at this and you may want to, you know, check out or in and, and ask yourself, what can you live with? I do that a lot. I don't tell me, don't tell me to give you the answer because I want to see how bad you could, you could learn the lesson. Like how bad are you going to allow this to be?

If you're not gonna let it be bad, then I'm like, hell yeah, they got it. They do care about themselves, but if you wanna drag yourself through mud, I'll get out of your way. I don't want to give them the answer. I always tell my friends I wanna watch the train wreck, so however bad you wanna make this, I'm with you, I love you, and I gotta get my popcorn, put my feet up and watch it. But I want them to do the same with me because I don't always make the right choices, nor do I want to.

I'm okay with them putting their feet up and going well that wasn't your best idea. Oh, it probably wasn't but we did it anyway. You know what? I think that that's an important thing to be a good friend. You have to just let them do it and love them through it. And then you can tell them they're an asshole because I've got friends. I'm like, well that was an asshole maneuver, but they've told me the same thing and that should be okay. But to judge them and to make them feel like they're stupid. They know they're stupid. They don't need you to tell them.

Yeah, I've, my whole thing is this too, is it's like, it's very hard to, if you're friends with somebody that you like, and they're telling you their problems, it's hard to not have some kind of nefarious

issue and try to push them in a direction that is better for you. I do my best not to do that. As a friend of someone that I might like, I still try to step back and go, look, this is what he's doing, this, and this. So I'm giving my advice based on not trying to be the next person in line.

And it's hard for people to do that because a lot of people are nefarious where they're trying to push the other person out of the way so they can get to them. That generally is a bad thing as well because that doesn't work out either.

Yeah, because you want somebody to pick you, not to be the runner up that they get stuck with.

It has to be organic.

That's how I see it. Yeah.

Yeah, it's an organic thing. Here's the last question that since we're running close, but this is a question that I think that in modern dating has to be the go-to. If you're with somebody, are you willing to hand them your phone or not have a password on it?

Yeah, but at the same time, they'll pass over there's like, Oh, do you need to check me? Because this is what I know about people that cheat. People that cheat will always throw it out. Like you're the one doing something to keep the, to keep the smoke off of them. You know what I mean? Like the, like what, what is going on in your phone? You, that you have to check mine. Like, come on, give me yours too. If we're going to do this, let's completely do it. And nobody.

Sure.

Nobody wants that because if you go my mom used to say if you go looking for something to be wrong You will always find something to be wrong if you don't trust your partner get away from them because You're you're gonna find stuff to be mad at them about and you're gonna just look like the fool no matter what? So just get away from them. So I don't I don't go through I i've told so many people this but

Mm-hmm.

My ex I used to do his laundry from beginning to end. I didn't put it away because I didn't think it was my right to go into his personal space, which was his drawers. I never go through his desk. I don't, I never went through even his junk drawer. Like I left all of that alone. He could have left a hundred things, a hundred different ways and he didn't, you know, or maybe he did. I never knew because I didn't go searching for it. I wasn't searching for a problem. People say,

All right.

Oh, this person cheated on me and made me feel stupid. Why'd they make you feel stupid for loving somebody? You should never feel stupid for that. You, they should feel stupid because they took it for granted. That's the difference. So I don't look at it as he's trying to make me look stupid. No bitch, do that on your own. You're making yourself look stupid because I'm a good woman that trusted you. And I left a lot of things alone because of that. So I would...

I don't know if somebody wanted to go through my stuff, I'd be like, yeah, cause I don't have anything to hide. And I'm with you every night.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, me too. My thing is, is

And even when things were bad in my relationship and I had something to hide, I would have given them the phone. Let them find out. If I get here, this is what I did. I'm I'll own up to whatever I did.

Right. I'm all up for being able to hand people each other's phones. Like, I think that in, because we live in a different world now. It's a modern world. So back in the day, we didn't have to worry about that kind of thing, right? We have phones and we could barely text on them. There was nothing, there's really nothing to hide.

Today, we live in a world where, look, if you want a relationship to work, be an open book. You know, if you're always looking for the next best thing, you shouldn't be in a relationship. You shouldn't, you should find the best thing and go with it. And whatever that best thing is to you, it's like we've talked many, many times, it's the 90-10 rule.

Mm-hmm.

If you can find 90% of the person you want to be with, the 10% should be overlooked. At least that's how I look at it. It is, but I'm trying to be somewhere. It is the 80-20. I think that is more of a realistic thing, but let's just say you have 90%. 10%, there's going to be issues with everyone. We're all human.

And I thought it was the 80-20 rule.

No, but you're absolutely right.

Mm-hmm.

The modern person needs to be able to go, this is my phone, it's unlocked, I don't give a shit. Go through all of it. You wanna ask me who one of my contacts is, I'll tell you. This is person from 1990. Yeah, look, we all have friends from the past. My thing is I'm willing to tell you my whole life story and I'm with you.

But be ready for what you hear too. Yeah.

I want to be with you. I don't get like one girlfriend's fucking hard enough. Who wants fucking to? I hate to say that, but that's the that's the God honest truth. You know, like.

Seriously. And I've been told I'm a handful, so I'm sure there's no need for more.

Yeah, my friend down the street, that's all I hear from her. Oh, I'm fucking a lot. I'm a handful, this, this. Okay, look, the person who's gonna be with you has to understand that, but you also have to understand the other person is willing to take the handful, right? If you're both there, I don't give a shit. Yeah, go through my phone. I don't want someone who's, you know.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and you don't want to be with somebody that's not.

shitty all the time and isn't happy. I want someone who, okay, you're a handful, but we're both happy, right? Things are good. We're doing what we want. We communicate. We do all these things. I want the kind of person that when you get home, you can go, hey, there's my fucking phone. I hope I don't pick it up tonight. Because if you're picking up your phone that often, you're not in the right relationship anyway. You're just not.

Mm-hmm, that's true.

If you're scrolling through shit, I'd rather sit on the couch and watch a movie to be bored than be bored in a relationship when you're scrolling through Instagram just to pass the time. I don't want that kind of shit. That's a dead relationship to me anyway.

So the modern world is, I think the digital modesty is be open with everything. If someone doesn't want you talking to somebody and it's a valid reason, gotta go. And it's okay, because there are valid reasons. I don't want someone to be in my space all the time. Someone shouldn't be in your space all the time. They just shouldn't.

Mm-hmm.

and there's ways to make sure that we... they're not. I don't know. I just think there's a better way of getting through a relationship and if you have to always be... have other people on the outside to make your life work, you shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

Right.

I agree.

So thanks for listening. Make sure you check out our socials, the Instagram, the Facebook, you can get information on the show. You can listen to us on everything, Apple, Spotify.

Absolutely.

YouTube music, Amazon, you can check us out on YouTube itself. We're uploading our shows there. One of these days we're going to do video so you can see our pretty faces once we get everything production wise ready to go. And yeah, please get in touch with us. We'd love to. Yes, something like that.

as Tina gets her head out of her butt.

It's me, it's me that's stopping the video.

Yeah, well, you know, we'll get you set up so you don't have to always, you know, move things and you'll have a little studio kind of like this one that you can see when I have everything in place, even though there's a bed behind me and sometimes a dog. But yeah, check us out. And I hope you guys continue to listen to the show and it's going to be a new year. This will be the last show of the year, just so you know.

No.

You know what Rob, as long as we keep learning and adapting we'll be okay. Each year is just a new way of going through it.

Agree. I just, let's not have as much death. I'd like to stay away from that one. At least for a year. Give me a year to fucking settle on life. All right, people, this is the opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday listening to us. And thanks a lot for 2023 and let's make 2024 a banger. Tina, as always.

Well, I'm with you on that. I'm with you.

It's fun. We'll talk to you later on. Bye.

See ya.