In Part 1 of this mini series, I am jumping on the Ins and Outs for 2024 trend you see circulating on social media and expanding on my list of Ins and Outs that I posted recently.

This episode includes just the Outs as I had more to share than I thought.

I hope you enjoy it and let's continue this conversation.

Freebie available: CLICK HERE

IG profiles of the women I mentioned in episode:

Cassidy: HERE

Kayla: HERE

Ways to connect below!

I'd love to hear what you thought about this episode, send me a DM on Instagram or email me at Tiffany@tiffanyleader.net 

Connect here:

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https://www.linkedin.com/in/tiffany-leader-lcsw-5b8b4b75/

Resources: 

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00:00

Welcome to the Breaking Up with Burnout podcast. I am your host, Tiffany Leder, clinical social worker and burnout coach with 14 years of experience in the mental health field and life experience with burnout. I'd like to say I'm in burnout recovery. This podcast is for you who are ready to reclaim your life, cancel hustle culture and put your wellbeing first and discover a joy filled life. This is your moment to find support, be encouraged, laugh a little.

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and take a little nugget of wisdom that leads you out of burnout and into joy. I have chosen to not edit this podcast because I want to remove the barrier between you and I so that we can have an authentic connection. So you might hear me say ums, trip over my words, have awkward pauses, but it is for you to experience the real me and not an edited version so that we can authentically have a connection.

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Take a deep breath, lean in, and open your heart and your mind to what you may need.

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01:38

Welcome back to the Breaking Up with Burnout podcast. I just wanna, I feel like every episode, I'm just gonna set the atmosphere because I really want this to be a place that you can cozy up on the couch with a tea or a coffee and just have all the cozy vibes as you're listening to what I'm sharing with you, what other people are sharing and whatnot. Like I'm all about like cozy conversations.

02:07

and I just want to share in the atmosphere that I have so that we can share. You may or may not be in a cooler climate like I am, but I am in the Midwest right now and it is snowing pretty hard actually right now. It's actually forecasted to snow all day which I'm really excited about. I've not really been a winter weather person, but I am becoming

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one which if you know me is kind of crazy. Summer is my jam. I still feel the best in summer but I'm embracing the winter and I'm actually excited about the snow. I don't want to drive out in it but I love sitting and watching it snow. I've got my tea right here beside me. I'm drinking some

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This year is tea time with Tiffany and I would love to have you. It is a community call for us high achievers just to take a break from the pressures of day to day and connect with each other with our favorite choice of drink. If you would love to join us, you can sign up. We'll be in the show notes. It's free to sign up and yeah, sign up. I would love to have you on Wednesdays. Okay. So just imagine.

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The snow is swirling outside. I've got a warm cup of tea beside me. I've got a big oversized sweatshirt on. And I've got comfy pillows and blankets around me. And I'm here just having a conversation with you. Today's episode is talking about the ins and outs, the burnout edition. This is a trending.

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a topic I guess or a trending thing people are doing on social media talking about the ins and outs of 24 what's going to be in my life and out of my life and I actually did a post on this but today what I wanted to do is expand even more when it comes to the ins and outs of burnout. I am expanding a little bit more than what was on my post.

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So you're getting a little bit more here on the pod. Okay, let's start with outs. So the outs for burnout would be, and these are things to stop doing, start thinking about not doing, and kind of navigating what this looks like in your life. Like how can I, and as you know, I'm a big believer 1% better every day.

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because those of us high achievers, we tend to want to hit the ground running and do all the things. And so as I give you this list, I want you to just take a deep breath for each one and really maybe decide, just pick on one that you want to improve or you want to think about and consider. But I gave you a full list to choose from. Okay, number one.

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Oh and by the way, I was gonna say two. I have eight for each one, so that's what you can expect. Okay, number one. Loose boundaries is out. Saying yes when you don't want to or out of obligation or guilt. Have you ever done that? Have you ever said yes because you don't wanna disappoint somebody or you felt obligated to do it when you really didn't wanna do it?

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or you felt guilty because maybe they did something for you and now they're asking for a favor, but it's not really something that you wanna do. I wanna give yourself permission right now to just, that you don't have to, that you can set that boundary. And if you feel good about saying yes, awesome. But also, I want you to feel good about saying no. Because the mental stress,

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and the physical stress that ensues when you have to follow through on something you feel obligated about and guilty about and you really don't want to do, it affects your health. It's part of creating burnout. Now here's what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that you have to do things you don't want to do all the time.

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There are responsibilities and things in our life that we do have to do. We have to find the gumption to be able to do it and we don't wanna do that. But I'm talking about saying yes out of that obligation and out of that guilt and like there isn't a, it's not a responsibility or a task where there could be different consequences if you said no.

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I think about if you have kids, you know, I know often parents are asked to bring extra supplies or bring a certain type of dessert or some kind of things. And so you feel obligated because it's your child's class and you want to contribute, but maybe this is just not the week to do it. And so you say yes anyways. And so it jams your schedule for whatever day you're going to do it.

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You're already exhausted trying to make these cookies and they have to be gluten free and they have to have a certain kind of chocolate because of the allergies of the kids or whatever. And it's just hard to do it. And it's like, why did I even sign up for it? And maybe doing it another week is great, but this week was just not the week. You know what I mean? Okay, so that's one to think about is we are taking it out.

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with ourselves. More often than not, our body is signaling us that something is going awry or something is not working or something doesn't feel right. As women, it's intuition. We have this like gut response or like when you walk into a room, do you ever like you could feel

09:17

what's going on in the atmosphere. And I've asked my husband this before, just to test this out, because I heard it on a podcast, and I'm like, okay. And I've asked him, I'm like, do you just feel that? What's in the room? He was like, no. I'm like, yeah, there's something missing. Like there's something awry, or there's something off here. And as women, that is our intuition. And so our body typically shares with us and tells us.

09:46

Like what's going on outside of us and what's going on inside of us. When it comes to burnout, we often have signals from our bodies that we ignore because they are not putting us on the ground, if that makes sense. They are not taking us out. Eventually they do if we ignore it enough, but these are what I like to call singes.

10:12

And they're just little things on our way towards to burnout that our body may be signaling for us. For example, like headaches, tension in your neck and your shoulders, tension in your stomach, fatigue, this is one of the things I ask my clients a lot about is sleep. How is your sleep? That is one of the number one things.

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I start talking about with clients when it comes to burnout because if you are not sleeping, you do not have the, your body does not have the opportunity to recharge at night. There's a part of the brain actually in the back that lights up that like files all the information, puts a reset in all your chemicals in your body so that you can feel rested and if you're not sleeping, you don't have that opportunity for that reset.

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Digestive issues is also common because it's related to stress. And burnout is chronic stress that has not been addressed. And so our body stores that, and that's another podcast for another time. But digestive issues can be another signal, emotional exhaustion, where you feel drained.

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almost unable to cope where you just kind of want to like be an ostrich and stick your head in the sand because there's so many emotions going on inside of you or outside of you that you're like I just can't even handle it like I'm tapped out. I am done. Other signals can be lack of focus and concentration as well and at times unexplained physical discomfort.

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is kind of goes into number two, not taking a lunch break. Ladies, there is so many of you that I have talked to and I am guilty myself of this. Now I haven't done it in several years, but this is one of the things that in every corporate training I have done last year and women that I have talked to, they do not take a lunch break or they work through their lunch break.

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or there's some kind of reason why there is not a break happening at lunch break. I'm just passionate about this. I'm like, take your lunch break. Please take it. Because when we don't take our lunch break, that whole recharge I was talking about earlier, our brains and our bodies need a break. If you've been around here for any length of time.

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you know that I'm a nap taker. I grew up that way. My family is a family of nappers. Like my dad still takes a nap. I can remember as a kid, he would come home from work and he would eat lunch and then he would take a nap and then he would go back to work. And he has done that, I have known from all of my life and he has shared that is a way of life that him and his family.

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and he was in boarding school when he was younger too. That was just the way of life. And so I'm a napper and I'm just a huge advocate for naps for taking your lunch break because we need that afternoon recharge because now the demands of work and life and family and things, there's so much that we feel like we have to do, we need to do that, we need to take care of.

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And the way to produce longevity is to be able to take those breaks. That's why I am so passionate about that because we need it. We need to have that reset. We need to have that recharge in the middle of the day to be able to perform at the capacity that we would like to and or sometimes the way our job demands.

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and our culture demands, which again, that's gonna like, all of my points are kind of running into each other and I'll talk a little bit more about that in the next one. So with all of that, take your lunch break because you need it. Your brain needs it, your body needs it, you'll feel better because of it. If you can take your lunch break also, not at your desk, that's an extra bonus because you need a change of environment.

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to be able for your brain to take a break of the work. But if you sit at your desk and eat lunch, or have a routine, so like those of us that work at home, it can be really easy to work at your desk, because you're like, well, I'm at home. Well, close the laptop, close things down, close the apps, all the things, and sit in a different room, sit in a different place, sit outside if it's nice weather, to be able.

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16:25

Like let's just talk about that right now. Like let's have an honest conversation about it. I know in the entrepreneurial space, and this is with in any space, like I hear it so prevalently in different messaging these days no matter where I'm at. And it's like 24 seven, grind it out. Do you gotta grind it out and you gotta work hard for a little while so that you can set yourself up.

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or you're gonna miss out on something, or you're gonna miss that opportunity, or you're going, it's like fear based of like, you're not gonna have a successful business if you don't grind it out. Now here's the deal, I'm all about working hard. I work hard every day on my business. I do things I don't wanna do. Things that, okay, it's not that I don't wanna do them, it's that they're not my favorite things. Like right now, this is a favorite thing. So I'm like loving this at the moment. But.

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There are some things that aren't my favorite things and that is okay. Like it is okay and it is okay to take a break. So like I said, take your lunch break, take a nap, take what you need. So that you can have a recharge and we can have a more sustainable and really longevity in life. I've been watching.

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that documentary on Netflix about the blue zones and like living to 100. And I'm like, yes, longevity. And I'm going to have an episode on that. But part of what you see in that documentary, longevity is produced by an intentional, slower pace of life that incorporates nourishing habits.

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foods, conversations, communities, that is life-giving to every person that belongs and that they're a part of. They feel a sense of belonging and community and they don't feel like they have to grind it out 24-7. They don't feel like they have to hustle for things. They don't have to...

18:45

You know what I'm trying to say. And for the business owner, I just want you to know, my business is successful and I do not grind it out 24-7. Have I had moments where I've wanted to? Yes. Have I had moments where I have been tempted, like, oh, there's so much to do, I have on my plate that I need to do for my business? Yes. But when I...

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was in that mentality and when I felt like that, the singes and symptoms of burnout was coming to the surface. And that's what I lived in before. And like this is part of my burnout story if you haven't heard it before. I am going to share this eventually in an episode, but I lived in hustle culture.

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because I thought that's what I had to do. Like different communities, whether it was work, whether it was different social circles that I was in life, there was this emphasis on doing. And our identity is connected with doing, which is, I think is a bigger message that is sent in our American culture, 100%, is you gotta do it, you gotta take action, you gotta.

20:07

Go for it. And again, in and of itself, I'm not against those different things. I'm about taking big steps. I'm about dreaming big. I'm about working hard. But when it comes to the detriment of your health and your body and your mental and emotional wellbeing, then I ain't got time for that. And I personally know the effects of it.

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to where it was debilitating for me, to where I was having panic attacks, which take a toll on your body, and having headaches, having different things. I was having a lot of different symptoms. My body was screaming at me. I had ignored the symptoms like I was talking about earlier, and my body was screaming at me that something has to change. And I didn't know.

21:05

And I would love to say because of all my background as a therapist and as a coach, like I know all this information, but I didn't. I couldn't come to that conclusion on my own. I had started going to my own therapist and after the fourth time, she was like, Tiffany, like when are things going to change? Or really what she said was, when's it going to get better? Because that's what I kept saying. She used my words. She was a great therapist. She used my words and said,

21:35

Tiffany, when's it gonna get better? Cause you keep saying it's gonna get better and it's not. And every time you come into my office, you aren't better. And that was my light bulb moment of like, oh my gosh, I am not better. I am burnt out. And if I don't do anything, I will be in a worse condition physically, mentally and emotionally. Cause I was already feeling the effects of it. I was already feeling the toll, like constant fatigue.

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constant for me, I was constantly crying, which is not normal for me. I'm all about having emotions, but when it's like you can't keep the tears in, just doing your everyday tasks, that was a huge signal for me. So I say all of that because we need to cancel hustle culture. Number four. Number five. What is out? Unhealthy

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lifestyles. So this goes with hustle culture. Unhealthy and I think about nutrition. I think that's why I put this on here was nutrition because when I think about unhealthy lifestyles, I think about skipping breakfast and just having coffee, maybe having like snacks for lunch and then like bingeing on dinner as far as food goes.

23:00

Going back to the lunch break part of not taking lunch break, I've talked to many women who say they don't even eat lunch. They skip lunch. I was actually just talking to somebody recently and she's like, I know this is unhealthy for me, but sometimes I just forget to eat lunch. I get so into the work that I'm doing that before I know it, it's like two or three o'clock and it's like, do I really wanna eat lunch? Cause I'll be eating dinner around five or six. Another example, like unhealthy lifestyle, I guess patterns.

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Maybe that's what I need to say. Unhealthy lifestyle patterns. Another common pattern that I hear is binging Netflix and watching Netflix to numb out. So not dealing with emotions or not dealing with the stress, but not as a wind down thing, but like I am binging Netflix because I just wanna escape and ignore in an unhealthy way. I think there are.

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spaces and places to unwind and have a good tv show to um wind down to or to have entertainment in that way but when it becomes a coping mechanism that's when it switches into unhealthy. I'm a big advocate for movement whatever that looks like so and I've had to

24:23

change the way that I think about exercise and movement because I was very much like all or nothing. I was like grinding it out when it comes to exercise and I'm not going to miss a day and da da da da or I was like I'm out like if I miss a day I'm out and it takes forever to get that takes forever to get back into exercise and so I had to do a lot of work and I will attribute this

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Cassidy Cicera and Kayla Jeter who were coaches and are coaches that I follow on Instagram But were part of a program I was on and they helped me redefine What movement looks like for me and I will I will tag their Instagrams in the show notes so I had to redefine what exercise was to me and movement was to me and so I think

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Culturally also, we don't have enough movement in our lives on a regular basis. And so Unhealthy lifestyle pattern is that in in earth is the Let me think how to say this is the unhealthy diet culture and Exercise and grind it out kind of hustle culture around exercise but also We don't naturally

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have movement in our life in the way that historically people had on their everyday lifestyle was a lot of movement. We do a lot of sitting these days and so being able to have movement, whatever that looks like, is important. So when I talk about these different things, I'm just talking about different lifestyle patterns that you may have in your life.

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that is not serving you. Like what is it doing? Like when you think about it, I want you to get curious. Think about it and it's like what am I doing? Is this helpful what I'm doing? Does this make me feel good or am I just as frustrated or am I just upset or am I just like not feeling good about myself or supporting myself because of this? Number six is perfectionism.

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It is that unrealistic expectation and standard that you have for yourself that you cannot hit. What I have shared with clients and I am not on video this time, but what I'm doing is I'm holding my hands like as a bar on a level that's up like above my head and what perfectionism is is this standard that's here above our head.

27:15

And now what I'm doing is I'm moving my hand down and saying, okay, here we are down a little bit and we have this expectation and maybe we hit it once or hit it twice, but we never can sustain it because it is this unrealistic expectation. It causes discouragement and disappointment and it is unreality. It's not reality.

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Here's the deal with that. We have an unrealistic standard that is typically our number one. And so if you can lower that expectation a little bit and say, hmm, maybe this is realistic. So instead of saying, for example, like, I'm going to go to the gym five days a week, every week. And for some people that might be realistic. And other people, it's just not.

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And so I'm just giving an example that five days a week at the gym is unrealistic. So instead of doing that, lowering the standard and saying, okay, if I get to the gym twice a week, I'm winning. And if I go on a walk the third time during the week, then it's even better. So basically to break

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perfectionism is to lower that expectation to something that feels more doable and feels good and doesn't feel like a lot of pressure and stress for you. You feel actually excited about it. Number seven, imposter syndrome. Feeling undeserving and inadequate. Every woman that I have worked with and have talked to

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that we have done the work to not to be deserving, but we've done the things to get us to the place where we're at, to be able to feel proud about ourselves and trust what we've done has brought us to where we're at. And if you have a sense of faith for me, it's trusting God that he has brought me to where I'm at and I can trust that he's given me the gifts and talents and abilities.

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So whether you trust God or the universe or whatever your faith background is, trust yourself and that you are worthy and because you are a human being and you have breath in your lungs and you are breathing right now, you have purpose on this earth and you are exactly where you need to be and if it's not where you want to be, you have the tools within you.

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to be able to take those steps. You have the resources to be able to do that. Sometimes we need somebody to help us organize all of that, which having a coach or a therapist is really great for that. But it's about like you feeling worthy and purposeful and adequate and deserving. And that is what's in, even though I'm not on the ins yet, I'm on the outs, imposter syndrome.

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is out. Number eight is neglecting self-care and neglecting truly taking care of yourself. So anything that supports you in taking care of yourself, we are no longer neglecting it. So here's some examples of neglecting self-care. Not getting the movement in that you might need.

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not having routine doctor's appointments. This is something, honestly, I'll just be transparent. I struggle with this myself, of having routine doctor's appointments in place, just because we live the RV lifestyle and we are in different spaces and places. And so sometimes it's hard to navigate the medical system because it's not set up for people like us that move around a lot. But.

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that is self-care is making those appointments that you haven't made for doctors checkups and routine checkups and going to the get your teeth checked out at the dentist, that is self-care too. Self-care is also like feeling supported in every way. So when you're looking at like, oh, have I neglected self-care? Then here's the deal, I'm probably gonna have a whole episode on redefining self-care. I talk about that all the time.

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But I want to say is that self care isn't getting your nails done and bubble baths and good music. Now, are those part of self care? Yes. But I'm all about redefining self care and saying self care is truly taking care of yourself. So doing these appointments, supporting your body, like thinking about and becoming aware of what your brain and your body needs.

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to feel most alive, most supported, most contentment, at ease and at peace, what does that look like for you? And how do you take care of yourself with that? Like for example, for me, the most peaceful and content place that I can be in is on a shore. So whether that's the sand to the ocean,

33:59

the bank to the river, the gravel to the creek, the cliff, I think about not too long ago in the fall time, we went to the Smoky Mountains and there is Snoopers Rock in Princess Cooper. Is it Princess? Yeah, it's Princess Cooper. I've been wanting to go to the Snoopers Rock for a long time because the view is extraordinary.

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And every time we've gone, the path to get to this rock is closed because of hunting season. And so my husband and I decided this last time we were in and around the Chattanooga area, we were going to go to this rock. I was like, I have to go. This is like three years wanting to go. And I went and I can't even tell you the amount of peace and release and joy that I had because I was standing on a cliff.

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looking down at the Tennessee River, winding through these mountains of beautiful autumn colors that I always attribute to be stuffing. It looks like stuffing. Stuffing you have on your Thanksgiving table. And that's where I felt the most peace. Now, can I always get to a space like that? No. So let me give you like a real life example of

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peaceful, content place where I feel at ease. Really, it's, as I think about it, I had to like pause and think about it, it's in our home. It's with my husband. It's living the life that we have dreamt of and chosen to live when we're in that space, even in the mundane of things.

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I love it. Like right now I'm sitting in my home and I feel so much contentment when I look around and I see our life in our little tiny home RV and just the memories we've had because we've been living this way, because of the experiences we have. It brings such joy because I am truly living the dream. And I want to say I have not been here.

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This is a place that was an idea that I dreamed of, that I hoped for, that I prayed about, and I really thought would never come true some days because I was like, how am I gonna get there? But I did, and so I just wanna encourage you with that. And living this lifestyle that I live brings so much joy and contentment in my life. Okay.

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Send me a DM on Instagram, send me an email. I'll put all the ways you can contact and connect with me in the show notes. And I would love to continue this conversation because breaking up with burnout is allowing these things, these eat things that we talked about today to start to dissipate and leave your life.

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I cannot wait to hear from you and I will see you at the next episode.