Welcome back men! What do you do when your child pushes away from the faith, resists your leadership, or walks a path you never wanted for them? In this final episode of Leading When It’s Hard, we’re looking toward biblical wisdom for guiding rebellious kids. Don’t miss this crucial conversation!
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How to Lead When Your Kids Are Rebelling: A Biblical Perspective
Parenting is one of the greatest blessings and challenges in life. It becomes even more difficult when our children stray from the faith, resist authority, or make choices that go against our values. Today, we’re in the final week of our Leading When It’s Hard series, and we’re tackling a topic that many parents face: leading when your kids are rebelling.
This conversation is complex because every family dynamic is different. Considerations include:
- Are your kids still living at home, or are they adults living on their own?
- How old are they?
- Are they biological children, or is this a blended family situation?
- Were you a believer before having children, or did you come to faith later, bringing significant changes to your household?
While each situation is unique, the Bible provides timeless wisdom for navigating this difficult journey. Let’s explore three key principles: praying, training and modeling, and loving unconditionally without affirming sin.
1. Pray
First and foremost, cover your child in prayer. Ask God to soften their heart and grant you wisdom in how to best lead them.
Philippians 4:6-7 – “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Worrying about our children seems like a natural part of parenting. From infancy through adulthood, our concerns grow as the consequences of their choices become more significant. However, Scripture does not give us an exception for worrying about our kids. It commands us not to worry about anything but to bring everything before God in prayer.
Additionally, while it’s natural to want to protect our children from pain, we should be careful not to pray away all consequences of their actions.
Consider the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32)—it was only when the son hit rock bottom that he came to his senses. If the father had prayed for his son to avoid hardship, the young man might never have returned home in repentance.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 – “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
2. Train and Model
Leading our children spiritually is not just about giving instructions—it’s about modeling the faith we want them to follow.
Proverbs 22:6 – “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”
This is a proverb, not a guarantee. While raising children in God’s truth increases the likelihood that they will remain faithful, they still have free will. However, a solid foundation makes a lasting impact.
A key question to ask: Is their behavior in spite of my parenting or because of my parenting? If we need to seek forgiveness for past mistakes, we should humble ourselves and do so.
Some parents emphasize righteousness and holiness but struggle to model tenderness and mercy. Others err on the side of being too lenient, attempting to be a friend rather than a parent. We must find balance.
Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”
If we’ve made parenting mistakes, it’s never too late to change. A sincere apology and a commitment to leading in love and wisdom can transform our relationship with our children.
3. Love Unconditionally, Without Affirming Sinful Behavior
Loving our children does not mean condoning their choices. We can express love while standing firm in truth.
Romans 5:8-10 – “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God’s condemnation.”
God’s love for us is unconditional, but it does not excuse sin. In the same way, we must extend love to our children while making it clear that sin has consequences.
Some practical steps:
- Establish clear boundaries for children still living at home.
- If they are adults living independently, continue to be a loving presence while maintaining biblical convictions.
- Pick your battles wisely—especially if you are a new believer making household changes. Instead of demanding immediate compliance, allow your children to see the transformation in your life through the fruit of the Spirit.
For example, instead of banning all secular music overnight, start by eliminating explicit content. If your child is no longer living under your roof, you can still engage them in meaningful conversations about faith without forcing them into compliance.\
Final Thoughts
Leading when your children are rebelling is heartbreaking and challenging, but it is not impossible. Through prayer, godly modeling, and unconditional love, we can lead our children toward faith, even if they stray.
God is faithful. Keep trusting Him, keep leading well, and keep praying. The seeds you plant today may bear fruit in ways you cannot yet see.
Galatians 6:9 – “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
