Shownotes
Introduction
- Topic Introduction [00:53]
Main Topics
- When Living Again Feels Like Betrayal [02:12]
- Permission to Want Something Again [04:03]
- Your Life Can Hold Grief and Joy Together [06:23]
- Discovering the Direction of Your Next Chapter [08:18]
- Navigating New Horizons: Your Compass for What Comes Next [10:56]
- Closing [13:40]
Additional Resources
Transcripts
00:00
until his passing in January:00:38
My mission is to walk beside you as you navigate grief, honor your healing, and rediscover meaning and purpose in the life that continues. You are not alone. This is the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast.
00:53
Welcome and thank you for joining me today! At some point in grief, you may notice something shifting inside you. It might be subtle at first, perhaps a moment of laughter that surprises you, an idea that sparks your curiosity, or a morning when you realize you are thinking about what you might do next instead of only thinking about what you have lost. These moments don't mean your grief is over, but they may signal that life is quietly inviting you forward.
01:26
For many women who have lost a spouse or soulmate, that invitation can feel complicated. Part of you may want to move toward something new, while another part wonders whether doing so means leaving your loved one behind. You may even feel guilty for wanting more from life when the person you planned to share that life with is no longer physically beside you.
01:50
Today, I want to talk about giving yourself permission to live again. Not to forget, not to move on from the person you love, and certainly not to erase the life you shared. I mean allowing yourself to discover what your next chapter might hold while carrying that love with you.
02:12
One of the most difficult emotions that can emerge as we begin to heal is guilt. You might feel guilty when you laugh, enjoy yourself, make new plans, or experience something beautiful without your spouse. Sometimes even the thought of creating a meaningful future can feel as though you are betraying the life you had together.
02:33
That guilt can be surprisingly powerful because grief often connects love with suffering. Somewhere along the way, we may begin to believe that the depth of our sorrow demonstrates the depth of our love. If we hurt deeply, then surely it means we loved deeply, and if the pain begins to soften, we may wonder whether our love is somehow softening too.
02:59
But love and suffering are not the same thing. The love you shared does not depend upon how much pain you continue to carry. Your relationship, your memories, your experiences, and everything you became because you loved that person remain part of you, no matter how much joy eventually returns to your life.
03:23
Living again does not diminish the significance of your relationship. In fact, the life you create from here can become another expression of the love you shared. Everything you learned about courage, compassion, patience, forgiveness, humor, resilience, and love can travel with you into whatever comes next.
03:48
You are not closing the book on your loved one. You are simply turning a page in a story that is still being written. Their physical chapter may have ended, but their influence continues to appear in the person you are becoming.
04:03
Grief has a way of narrowing our world. At first, the goal may simply be to make it through the day, take care of what needs to be done, and somehow navigate the waves of emotion that arrive without warning. Thinking about dreams, goals, or possibilities may feel almost impossible because survival requires so much of your energy.
04:28
Eventually, however, you may notice desire beginning to return. Maybe you want to travel somewhere you have never been, learn something new, redecorate a room, return to an old hobby, volunteer, meet new people, or simply feel excited about something again. These desires can be small, but they are important because they are signs of life beginning to expand.
04:55
You don’t need anyone else's permission to explore those possibilities, but sometimes we need to give that permission to ourselves. You are allowed to want something. You are allowed to dream again, change your mind, become curious, and discover parts of yourself that may have been quiet for many years.
05:16
You are also allowed to become someone you have never been before. Losing a spouse or soulmate changes us, and there is no requirement that you return to the person you were before the loss. Healing isn't about restoring an earlier version of yourself, but about letting a new version emerge while honoring everything that came before.
05:40
That can be frightening because the familiar has already been disrupted. When so much has changed without your consent, intentionally choosing more change may feel overwhelming. Yet there is an important difference between change that happens to us and change that emerges from within us. One takes something away. The other can become an act of creation.
06:05
You might begin by asking yourself a simple question: What is calling to me now? You do not need a five-year plan or a perfectly defined purpose. You only need enough curiosity to listen for the next small invitation.
06:23
Sometimes we imagine healing as though grief gradually disappears and joy takes its place. Grief and joy often learn how to coexist. You may have a wonderful day and still miss your spouse deeply that evening, or you may laugh with friends and suddenly wish your loved one were sitting at the table with you.
06:45
Both experiences can be true at the same time. You can miss someone and still enjoy your life. You can feel sadness and gratitude, loneliness and connection, grief and hope, sometimes within the same hour.
07:01
This is one reason giving yourself permission to live again matters so much. If you wait until grief completely disappears before allowing yourself to experience joy, you may be waiting for something that was never meant to happen. Love leaves an imprint, and grief is one of the ways that imprint continues to remind us that someone mattered.
07:29
The goal is not to remove that love or the grief connected to it. The invitation is to make your life larger so there is room for grief and joy, remembrance and discovery, tears and laughter, and the past and the future.
07:48
Imagine your heart becoming spacious enough to hold it all. Your memories do not have to be pushed aside to make room for new experiences. Your heart can expand.
08:00
There may even come a day when something wonderful happens, and your first thought is still, "I wish you were here to see this." That thought does not ruin the moment. It simply means love remains part of how you experience the world.
08:18
Over the past several weeks, we’ve explored what it means to rediscover yourself after losing a spouse or soulmate. We have talked about moving from surviving toward rediscovering, finding direction when life no longer looks the same, and listening for the inner guidance that can help us begin navigating a future we never expected to face.
08:41
This week, I want to bring those ideas together with a question that may feel both exciting and uncomfortable: What if you gave yourself permission to live your next chapter?
08:57
You do not need to know exactly what that chapter will look like. In fact, trying to figure out the entire story before taking the first step can keep you standing still. Your next chapter begins with something much smaller, perhaps one decision, one curiosity, one invitation, or one quiet yes.
09:22
Maybe your yes is joining a group where you feel understood. Maybe it is signing up for a class, planning a weekend away, picking up a paintbrush, spending more time in nature, creating a spiritual practice, volunteering for something meaningful, or simply making coffee one morning and asking yourself what would feel nourishing today.
09:45
Those small choices matter because they help you reconnect with yourself. Grief can leave us asking, "Who am I now?" The answer rarely arrives as a sudden revelation; it emerges gradually through the choices we make and the experiences we allow ourselves to have.
10:04
Your next chapter doesn't have to resemble anyone else's. There is no timeline for when you should travel, socialize, date, change your home, pursue a new purpose, or feel ready for something different. Your life belongs to you, and your healing has its own rhythm.
10:23
This is where self-trust becomes so important. You may receive plenty of advice from people who care about you, but ultimately you are the one living inside your experience. Learning to listen to your own heart again is part of learning how to navigate your life after loss.
10:41
You can ask yourself, "What feels true for me right now?" Then listen without judging the answer right away. Sometimes your inner compass doesn't point toward a destination, but toward the next step.
10:56
Over these past four weeks, I have been sharing pieces of a journey that is especially close to my heart. Each conversation has been leading toward something I created specifically for women who have lost a spouse or soulmate and are beginning to wonder what life might look like from here.
11:15
I am excited to officially introduce Navigating New Horizons: The Compass Rose Framework, an eight-week guided journey designed to support you as you move through grief, reconnect with yourself, and begin discovering your direction again.
11:35
The Compass Rose Framework explores eight areas of healing and rediscovery: grief recovery and emotional healing, energy healing and balance, mindfulness and presence, intuition and inner guidance, identity and purpose, community and safe connection, honoring the past and integrating your journey, and sacred rituals and spiritual support. Each direction of the compass offers another way to gently explore who you are now and what may be calling you forward.
12:12
This is not a program about getting over your grief or leaving your spouse behind. It is about learning how to carry love forward while creating space for the woman you are becoming. It offers guided reflection, practical tools, spiritual practices, and opportunities to explore your life at your own pace.
12:34
The eight modules are delivered one week at a time, giving you space to reflect and integrate what you are discovering without feeling rushed. You can move gently through the material, return to exercises whenever you need them, and allow each direction of the Compass Rose to reveal something new about your healing and your next chapter.
12:58
If something within you has been whispering that you are ready to explore what comes next, I invite you to learn more about Navigating New Horizons: The Compass Rose Framework.
13:11
You can find all the details by going to Purpose.HealingOurGrievingHearts.com/compassrose
You don’t need to feel completely ready before beginning. Sometimes readiness simply means being willing to take one small step toward yourself.
13:40
As we close today, remember that choosing life does not mean choosing against the person you love. You don't have to choose between honoring your past and embracing your future because your heart can hold both.
13:56
Your story is still unfolding. There are experiences you have not yet had, people you have not yet met, places you have not yet seen, and parts of yourself you have not yet discovered. None of those possibilities erase what came before because they become part of the larger story of a life shaped by love.
14:21
Perhaps the permission you need today is simply this: You are allowed to be here. You are allowed to laugh, dream, explore, create, rest, change, hope, and love your life again. You are allowed to step toward your next chapter while carrying your loved one forever within your heart.
14:42
The mission of Healing Our Grieving Hearts is to support women who are navigating life after the loss of a spouse or soulmate, and those who are tenderly companioning their husbands through illness. Through spiritual care, sound and vibration therapies, and reflective practices, I help women find meaning, healing, and renewed purpose.
15:05
For free resources, including tips for coping with grief and rediscovering joy, visit purpose.healingourgrievinghearts.com. You can also connect with me on Facebook at facebook.com/Kay.Fontana.
15:22
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Healing Our Grieving Hearts Podcast. Remember, you are not alone in your grief, and your experiences and emotions are valid. Join me next Saturday at 10 a.m. Arizona time, as we continue exploring the human experience and “The Things Grief Makes Harder Than They Used to Be.”
15:44
Until next time, may you give yourself permission to live again, trust the compass in your heart, and gently step toward the next chapter waiting to unfold.
15:56
Take gentle care of yourself, my friend.
