Navigating the complexities of parenting often requires a leadership mindset, especially in our digital age where device usage and social media play pivotal roles in our teens' lives.

In this episode of the Where Parents Talk podcast, host Lianne Castelino delves into how parents can cultivate discipline and effective communication while addressing the emotional and physical health of their children with leadership consultant Valerie Cockrell.

Cockerell brings a wealth of experience from her roles in leadership and motherhood, offering insights on transferable skills that can enhance both parenting and professional environments.

She emphasizes the importance of consent in relationships and how to help our teens manage their device usage to safeguard their mental health.

This podcast is for parents, guardians, teachers and caregivers to learn proven strategies and trusted tips on raising kids, teens and young adults based on science, evidenced and lived experience.

In this podcast, we explore the impact of hormonal changes, device usage, and social media on discipline, communication, and independence.

You’ll learn the latest on topics like managing bullying, consent, fostering healthy relationships, and the interconnectedness of mental, emotional and physical health.

Links referenced in this episode:

• whereparentstalk.com

Takeaways:

• Understanding the impact of hormonal changes on teenagers is crucial for effective parenting and leadership.
• Setting clear expectations at home can significantly enhance communication and reduce misunderstandings with teens.
• Balancing device usage with physical and emotional health is essential for managing teen mental health effectively.
• Leadership skills practiced at home can translate into the workplace, fostering better team dynamics and communication.
• High screen time can negatively impact teen mental health, making it vital for parents to monitor and regulate usage.
• Promoting independence while teaching discipline is a delicate balancing act for parents navigating today's complex social media landscape.

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Disney
• Disney Institute
• Disney Cruise Line
• Disneyland Paris
• Walt Disney World
• Epcot

This podcast is for parents, guardians, teachers and caregivers to learn proven strategies and trusted tips on raising kids, teens and young adults based on science, evidenced and lived experience.

In this podcast, we explore the impact of hormonal changes, device usage, and social media on discipline, communication, and independence.

You’ll learn the latest on topics like managing bullying, consent, fostering healthy relationships, and the interconnectedness of mental, emotional and physical health.

Links referenced in this episode:

• whereparentstalk.com

Welcome to the Where Parents Talk podcast. We help grow better parents through science, evidence, and the lived experience of other parents.

Learn how to better navigate the mental and physical health of your tween teen or young adult through proven expert advice. Here's your host, Lianne Castelino.

What role does leadership play in parenting? And what leadership skills are transferable from the household to the workplace and vice versa? Welcome to Where Parents Talk.

My name is Lianne Castelino. Our guest today is a leadership consultant, a keynote speaker, and an author.

Valerie Cockrell has worked in senior roles for Disney in France and Florida over many years. She is the author of Manage Like a Leadership Lessons from the Wisdom of Mom.

Valerie is also a mom of three, and she joins us today from Sydney, Australia. Welcome and thank you for being here.

Thank you, Lianne. I'm very excited to be here and share some of my experience with your audience.

To me, it's a very exciting topic when we're talking about leadership, to set the table for our conversation, Valerie, I wonder if you could define leadership as you see it.

Well, I tell you, there's an analogy that I use a lot when I do workshop with organization. And I always say being a leader means that you have to. It's like going on a journey, you taking a group of people on a journey.

So you have to figure out the destination, you know, where are we going, what are we trying to achieve? Then you have to decide how you're going to get there, the itinerary, right? Are we going to be driving aggressively?

Are we going to be cutting corners? Are we looking for shortcuts? Or are we taking the scenic road?

Being very careful and mindful in our approach, ethical in our approach, you know, so it's kind of the values, if you will. So this is, you know, very important part of leadership, establishing the, how we're going to get to that destination.

And then there's the call, you know, the, the what kind of car we going to drive, what kind of resources are we going to have, what kind of skills, what kind of talents do we need, what kind of processes are we going to put in place? And, and then the fourth element, which is probably, you know, important. It's the fuel the leader needs to fill in, fill up the tank.

You know, encourage people, set expectations, coach them when needed. You know, every so often you need to add some air in your tires. So it's kind of the same idea.

So I often use this analogy because I think it covers the four bases of leadership.

The destination, you know, where we're going, how we're going to get there, what tools, you know, the resources we're going to need and then the, everything that comes around it with the recognition and in coaching and expectations.

It is such a relatable way that you describe it when you use that analogy and really simplifies what may be a complex concept for some people and especially young leaders. You've had several leadership positions as we sort of highlighted at the beginning.

Could you provide us a bit of an overview of your background in terms of the leadership roles that you've held over the course of your career?

Right. Well, I'm sure the audience has picked up on my accent already, so. Born and raised in France.

And the, the, the reason why I start with this is because my career started from, you know, point where I was just curious about the world and I realized if I wanted to discover the world, I had to learn English. So that was the first thing.

I moved to London, lived in London for 18 months, learn English and then that led me to a job working for Disney for one year in Epcot at Walt Disney World. Went back to France, worked in banking.

Actually I was an investment advisor and from there actually got rehired by Disney for the opening of Disneyland Paris. Worked in retail, started managing one store, two stores, three stores, five stores.

Eventually relocated to Walt Disney World in Orlando, took over Epcot's retail merchandise, eventually the Disney Cruise Line also. And then I took a break to raise my three children and came back to Disney working for Disney Institute.

And for those who do not know what Disney Institute is, it is the outside external training arm of the Disney organization. So you work with outside companies and you, you help them and provide advisory services to them.

My husband and I, we started a consulting company and we did this for about six years and now my husband has moved on to other jobs and I continue as a, as a one woman show. But here's the thing about my career when I look back, it is the variety of roles, the variety of environments that I found myself into.

You know, I found myself an individual contributor as a consultant and, and also as a team leader in retail.

I found myself doing some very inward looking function as an author and also very outward looking functions as a consultant and also working for Disney Institute.

So There is, you know, this variety of thing I think has made it first providing me with a lot of experience, but also the varieties taught me that a career is never linear. Right. And I often share that with people because I think that's what makes it interesting and valuable.

Beyond the titles and the statuses that you may have or, you know, the name, titles that are on your, on the door of your office. And, and I love this. And I, you know, worked in France and the US and Australia and Brazil and just, just about everywhere.

So this has been a really a whirlwind journey, to say the least.

Well, and, you know, when I listen to that story and all of the different experiences that you have, clearly somebody who embraces and relishes change.

And the one thing I think we can agree on if we're looking at, you know, leadership and parenting, is that change is built in whether you want it or not. Right. Ages and stages, et cetera, et cetera.

So how did your professional experience and all the different leadership roles you've had impact, your role as a mother?

I think the main thing was, you know, as a leader, no matter how many books you read, how many people you listen to, how, how long you've studied, you always learning, you know, there's never a moment where you can say, I'm prepared. I've got all the experience I need, all the tools I need, all the skills I need. This is it, I've arrived.

You know, it's like I said, it's, it's you taking a trip with a group of people in the work environment is with your team members and at home is with your kids. And there at no moment in time can you be fully prepared to what's going to come around the corner. And you have three children. I have three children.

And when you, you know, that know the first one comes around and then you think you've know, you know, you know how to do this.

And then your second child shows up and suddenly has a totally different personality and you need to handle things very differently and the third one shows up and yet again, you have to, you know, change things and, and consider different things. So that's the similarity between the two.

So going back and forth between being a leader and being a parent, I think you, you learn to adapt and you need, you learn that you have to learn, you have to keep learning because there is something new that is bound to, you know, that is lurking around the corner, some scenario, some situation that you know quite prepared for. And that's what makes it interesting. Keeps you on your toes.

It does, definitely. And it's almost like you lived with us, Valerie, when you described those three kids, they could not be more different. Certainly.

You know, it's so interesting because many parents wouldn't automatically see themselves as leaders in their household or use that word in any way to define what they do in terms of raising their kids. So how do you go about sort of helping to define leadership in the context of parenting?

I think, you know, when you're a leader, you are responsible and accountable to and for people. And when you parent, you are responsible and accountable to and for your children. And, you know, this is the similarity. You.

You suddenly, it's not about yourself. It's about, you know, your behavior and how it's going to impact the people around you.

One thing that is, you know, very true in leadership as much as it is in parenting is the fact that, you know, whether it is your team leaders or your kids, they're watching you. They. They watch you, they hear you, they remember everything you say, and they absorb it one way or another.

And I always tell people, I said, you know, your team leaders, your team members at work, there's good news and bad news. The good news is they look up to you and they emulate you. The bad news is they look up to you and they emulate you. Right?

And it's the same with your kids. So you can tell your kids to drive safely.

You know, the day where they get to be 15, 16 years old, and, you know, it's the time for them to start learning how to drive, and you tell them how important it is to slow down and wear your seatbelt and not get distracted.

But let me tell you, if you fail to do it, and maybe, you know, when they were 10 years old, you were suddenly looking at your phone at the traffic light. And I'm guilty, for one, and my kids, once a teenager, never failed to remind me, mom, you would check your phone.

I've seen you check your phone in the car when. And that's where you lose your credibility. Same thing as a leader. You can tell people in your organization, safety is very important.

We need to slow down. We need to be careful. And then you drive your car at, you know, 50 kilometers an hour, you know, 35 miles an hour into the parking lot.

Somebody's bound to see you. What are they thinking at this moment? Well, safety maybe is not such an important thing after all, because this is what they do.

So I think, to me, the biggest similarity between the two is that is the fact that your role model 24 7.

And, and they will remind you, especially teenagers, they will never fail to remind you when, when you've not behaved according to your principle and you have not practiced what you preach.

And it usually happens when you think they're not paying attention. And they are, they're giving you every sign that indicates I'm not paying attention, except they are.

So, so on that note, Valerie, you know, role modeling, so incredibly important.

Are there any leadership skills that come naturally to parents that you believe, you know, can be leveraged inside the home but also in the workplace?

Yeah, some are obvious ones. You know, there's.

And the reason why I wrote that book, by the way, is because I really wanted to demonstrate for a lot of young women and young mothers that staying home with your kids does not set you back in your career. In fact, it allows you to practice some of the skills that you will be able to leverage in the workplace and vice versa. They are the obvious ones.

Training. What do mothers do? They train their kids. And when you train your children, you show empathy, you show patience. You adapt to your, your child.

And think about how you teach a toddler how to walk. You know, you hold the baby's hand and the baby will take a couple of steps and then one day you feel that maybe the baby has the, the right balance.

So you let go of the hand and the baby is going to take two steps and what is he going to do? It's going to fall on his rear end. Right. What do you do as a mother at this very moment? You don't tell the child what is wrong with you?

You're your old, you should be walking by now. Of course not. You say, hey, good job, that was great, let's try again. And then you hold a hand again.

So naturally as a mother, as a parent, you have this patience.

You adapt to the kids space and if they don't work when they're a year old, you're going to wait until they, you know, 13 months or 14 months or, or maybe they'll crawl a little longer. So you have that patience with your kids, apply that same flexibility and that same patience in the workplace. The second one is setting expectation.

As a parent, you know, you always set expectation for your kids and you know, to be very precise because if you tell your teenagers, don't come home too late, the joke is on you.

Because a teenager may think that too late not, you know, coming home not too late, maybe 1am for you, not too late, maybe 10pm but you have failed to specify this Then it's your problem. Well, as a leader, it's the same thing. Often we're in a hurry and we do not set expectation very clearly.

And then the third one for me, the obvious one is coaching discipline. You know, when you discipline your kids, you don't wait for the end of the year to have a performance evaluation, right?

You don't say, hey, you did not behave this year. You're not going to get any Christmas for presents. No presents for Christmas. Sorry. But in saying in the workplace we tend to delay.

We don't like coaching people, we don't like disciplining. So we tend to wait. And then when we wait, things get somewhat fuzzy. So, you know, practice that at work.

You see somebody who's doing something wrong, tell them right away and don't be shy about it. Because as a parent, you're not shy about coaching your kids. Why? Because you love them unconditionally and you want the best for them.

And think about that.

If you're a leader and you approach coaching and you know with that idea in mind that you there to give them a gift, you're them to, you know, I'm here to help you make the best team member, the best performer you can be, it's an entirely different approach. You want the best for them. It's, it's, it's a gift.

So I think for me, those three are obvious things that we do instinctively, naturally at home with our kids and we can, we should leverage in the workplace. And that's why I think parents and mothers specifically are uniquely prepared to take on leadership responsibilities.

Now you lived this, right?

You talked about being a stay at home mother and I believe you did it on two separate occasions, one of which was quite a lengthy period of time if I recall.

What did you learn in that experience with your kids 247 that when you returned to the workplace, you thought, wow, you know what, this is just a transferable skill that I never thought about taking from home to work. But here we are and it's working for me.

I think probably what I alluded to earlier on, that you always have to learn there will always be something that you did not expect. You know, when you, when you have young children, you know, they're more malleable. It's a lot easier to influence them.

Once you've raised teenagers, that gives you a whole other skill in terms of listening carefully, understanding that, you know, communication kind of comes and goes. You know, the, the teenagers are like oysters.

You know, they open up and there's, you have that little window of time where you can get some information. And so it teaches you, I think, how to adapt to different individual, have more empathy, be a better listener.

Also, you know, making sure that you, you pay attention to body language or pay attention to what is not said and what, when they fail to engage, there's a reason behind.

So I, I learn all that with my children and, and specifically in their teenage years, not always successfully at home, because I think as a parent, we can always reflect and reflect back and, and realize that, you know what, I could have done certain things better, but I did learn to learn with this, and I took that to the workplace with me, and I think it was really helpful in that way.

Speaking of the workplace, is there a particular trait that you learned as a parent that you wish more people in the workplace, in the office understood?

I think the idea of probably that failure is a positive thing. And, you know, I had a.

I think when you have children, you realize that it's never going to be exactly this perfect, you know, image of what you wanted motherhood to be. And, and it's all right, you know, you, you're gonna, you're gonna do something, right? You're gonna fail at times.

And it's part of the learning journey and having vulnerability and tolerance about this and saying, you know, it's okay to make mistake because you realize in the end, if you get 80% of things right, you know, your kids are going to be great and, and they're going to be their own person anyway.

And there's, you know, understanding this, this approach to failure, understanding that failure is actually part of the journey and accepting it and not feeling the guilt, you know, that that comes with it. I think especially as women, we tend to carry that guilt with us and there's only so much you can do.

That's also one of the thing with, you know, similarity between leadership and parenting. There is only. You can only guide them and into the. Towards the right direction.

But at the point in time, you're going to have to cut the umbilical cord and just hope for the best, that you've prepared your kids or your team members well enough that they're going to make the right decisions.

It's so interesting that we're having this conversation now where we are in the world, I mean, leadership, to me anyways, is always a relevant topic. But you can argue that leadership in general has come under a very stringent microscope in the last few years.

If you look at what's going on in different parts of the world and different leadership styles that we are now all exposed to. What strikes you most, Valerie, when you see what leadership today entails in some of these examples.

I think the most important will be having a sense of strong values, being very clear about what you value and then being willing to be held accountable to your values.

I think too many leaders have a, you know, they have an objective and they're going down the road and a path and you know, they're going to leave dead bodies along the way and it's become, it's become acceptable. And I think we, we on the path where we see this with high profile leaders around the world.

And you know, if, if it's okay for a leader to do that, to lack integrity or to like values and positive values, then we effectively sending the message that it's okay to behave like this to everybody.

Not only the people who work around that person, but the people who, who just can see that person in the news media or at school or at church or in your community. So I think we've gotten to a point where a lot of values are being compromised and people do not demonstrate the behaviors that support the value.

They say one thing, but they certainly do not behave accordingly. And, and nobody's calling them out. Nobody's calling them out and we even rewarding that kind of behavior. So that's to me that's worrisome.

And to your earlier point, from a role modeling perspective, when that is the behavior that's being displayed and the young people and everybody else watching it, you know, what are the messages they're supposed to be taking from it, from this individual in a leadership position?

Valerie, I'm curious as to, as a leadership consultant, when you go in and support individuals or clients on this topic, like what are some of the trends that you are seeing? What are some of the areas that you're being asked to support?

I think things have sped up quite, quite a way, quite a bit. And I find that people feel overwhelmed so because things are changing quickly and there's, you know, we have to deal with globalization today.

We have to deal with climate change. We have the insecurity in terms of, you know, the economy, politics, just about all over the place.

And, and then you have technology that changes at a, at a speed that is beyond our ability to keep up. Right? So I'm seeing a lot of people totally overwhelmed. And I always tell them, I said, you know what?

You not keep, if you keep going like head first into this, it's not going to happen for you. We need to Simplify things, and especially when it comes to leadership.

One of the motivation for me to write this book was that I've read so many books about leadership, I've talked to so many leaders, and I think sometimes we, we start having a conversation at a level that is so complicated and complex that we forget the basics. And I'm. What I'm trying to do with this book, there's not, I'm not reinventing the wheel, right?

I'm not bringing an idea that will, you know, rock the whole leadership world on its axis. All I'm saying is there are a bunch of very basic things that we often overlook or we undervalue and underestimate.

And why don't we start by taking care of those simple things? And those simple things, you do them at home, when you raise your kids. Let's do that at work.

You know, people at work, they work because they want money. Of course, we all want to make money, but they also want to be valued. They want to know that they relevant.

They make a difference and they want to be part of a team. They want a sense of belonging. So let's go back to providing this for people. Let's take care of this.

Because once you have that, that is the foundation of everything. And there will not be long term success for you as a leader if you have not established this. And often I find my conversation going back to this.

So in a world where things are changing really fast and people feel overwhelmed, for a lot of people, suddenly it's kind of okay, now I know where to start. You know, I know I'm gonna go back to those basic things to try to, you know, build my leadership approach. I'm a tennis player. I love playing tennis.

And when you learn how to play tennis, the first things you learn are keep your eyes on your ball, on the ball, bench your knees and follow through.

And I remember playing tennis and if things, my shots were landing, you know, outside the court, so I wasn't, you know, landing my shots the way I wanted to. At some point in time, I would always remind myself, okay, go back to basics for this one game.

Just bent your knees, keep your eyes on the ball, follow through.

That was, you know, I would go back to those, print those basic things, and sure enough, within a game or two, that's it, I would loosen up, I would feel more confident things would come back to me. And I think in leadership is the same thing. Let's go back to taking care of those basic things.

First of all, Valerie, can you take us through what the tipping point for you to write Manage Like a Mother was. Was there something in specific that you said to yourself?

Now's the time that I'm going to take my lived experience, all of my professional experience at work, at home, and I'm going to come up with this book?

Well, I have a 92 year old mother who lives in France and he always says, I Wish I was 20 and I knew what I know now. And I've heard this so many times that every time I would roll my eyes and go like, oh, here we go again.

And then one day it hit me and I realized, you know what? I WISH I was 20. And I knew what I know now.

And at the, at the same time, I've seen a lot of young leaders, men and women, struggle because of, you know, the, the challenges that they're facing today. And I thought like, well, maybe I can. My experience. And, and that was that moment where when I, okay, well, you know, how am I going to do this?

So I do workshop and I do some consulting. But I thought, you know, maybe I can find a relatable way to explain the, the basic principles of leadership.

And the thing that came naturally to me was, you know, being a mom. And the, the more I thought about it, the connection was just obvious. And I thought, well, that's a simple way.

And I come, I work many years for Disney and Disney is a storytelling organization. So I thought I need to find a way so people can relate because. And that's the power of the story.

When I tell a story, and in my book, every chapter starts with a story of situation that happened with my kids. And then the second half of the chapter, I'm going to extract the leadership lessons from that very situation.

So the reason why I do this is I'm hoping as people read it, they read the story about the kids and they will go like, oh, I've had a similar situation with my children and now I relate. And when you relate, you understand, and when you understand, you retain.

And when you retain, you can extract the lessons and you can apply them in your work environment. So that was the process. That's why I'm saying if, you know, when people read the book, they're like, oh yes, you told this story.

Something happened with my kids. I'm like, that's exactly what I'm looking for, that connection.

That's a wonderful way to sort of describe it. And you're right, there is a tendency to make it a very complex topic very quickly and overwhelm yourself before you've even started.

So along those lines, Valerie, any pieces of advice that you could offer to parents listening to or watching this interview about how to make leadership more intentional in the way that they parent?

I think the listening part of it is important. And, and sometimes I'm.

I'm a, you know, being French, I tend to be very, to react very quickly, and I've learned over my career to just slow down a little bit and, you know, really think things through before, you know, blurting out something, whether it is an idea or comment or suggestion or, or trying to coach somebody.

You know, it's like, okay, let, let's decide, you know, what am I, you know, is it worth saying first of all, and if you're gonna coach somebody, did I even set the expectation properly in the first place before I coach them? You know, you cannot coach somebody if you haven't, if you haven't done that. You haven't set the expectation properly.

So, you know, thinking things through a lot more. I recently, I heard, I think it's. Warren Buffett said you can always tell people to go to hell tomorrow.

And it's the idea that, you know, sleep on it in, in things, think about things and before you do and, and be more intentional about everything you do generally. And then the other thing is about just keep learning because there is so much out there.

Read, get exposure to different people, different point of view.

I found that some solutions in my work from areas I had never in a million years would have suspected that that one person or that one industry had the solution for me. So being open to diversity of the world. You know, there's so many people with brilliant ideas, brilliant point of view.

Young, old, you know, people with different culture, ethnicity, gender, obviously have just a wealth of, of information.

And not being carried away thinking that, you know, you have all the skills or you have all the resources, all you can do as a leader also is just, you know, really influence people. Gather some information from every resources, every source that you.

You can find and then share that and that if, you know, if you can do that, being a hub, a hub of ideas and things and, and spread it around, that's what I'm trying to do now in the twilight of my career, trying to share some of my experience and, and hopefully some of it will stick. And if I can, you know, it's the idea of being relevant. If I can help somebody, one person, I'll be happy. And that's it.

That's what being a leader is. You can be a leader for one or a leader for 10 million. But, you know, any, any in between is great.

And, and I think you get your value, you get your relevance from that.

Certainly an incredibly important topic. Lots of relevant insight. Thank you so much.

Valerie Cockerell, author, keynote speaker, leadership consultant, and author of the book Manage Like a Mother. Really enjoyed our conversation today.

Thanks, Lianne. Thank you very much. To learn more about today's podcast, guest and top, as well as other parenting themes, visit whereparentstalk.com.