Kids are back in school and I’m celebrating loud — parents, rejoice: I invented the Parents Back-to-School Kit. It’s got everything you need to mark the quiet: bottle of wine, confetti, party games, and yes, another bottle of wine. When the kids were home all I wanted was the whining to stop, and now? I want more wine. We did the parenting, now it’s time for partying — grab your imaginary kit and toast to the sweet sound of silence. Trust me, this is the kind of back-to-school supply list adults actually care about.
Takeaways:
I celebrate back-to-school season by joking that parents are secretly throwing tiny victory parties once kids leave the house.
We pitched the Parents' Back-to-School Kit live: confetti, party games, and yes, multiple bottles of wine for the win.
I riff about how summer whining magically converts into a refined craving for more wine and quiet time.
We keep it short and silly — a punchy bit all about parental relief when the school bell finally rings.
I tease that once you've done your parenting for the morning, it's officially party o'clock — bring the bubbly.
Transcripts
Speaker A:
Good morning.
Speaker A:
It's Haystack.
Speaker A:
And all across northwest Arkansas, the little one's back in school.
Speaker A:
And all across northwest Arkansas, parents are rejoicing.
Speaker A:
And if you're excited about back to school, Mom, Dad, I've got the perfect thing for you.
Speaker A:
Bye,.
Speaker B:
Mom.
Speaker B:
Have a good first day at school.
Speaker B:
I'll miss you.
Speaker A:
Summer is over, and your beloved children are gone.
Speaker A:
Now what are you going to do?
Speaker A:
You need the parents back to school kit,.
Speaker B:
Because it's time to part.
Speaker B:
Every.
Speaker A:
Parent's back to school kit comes complete with a bottle of wine, confetti, a bottle of wine, party games, and another bottle of wine.
Speaker B:
When they were home, all I wanted was for the whining to stop.
