Shownotes
Do you want to Grow and scale in 2024?
This episode is for you.
I know you might be thinking, “Um… duh Kim, who doesn’t.”
But I will take this in a different direction than you might expect. At least compared to trite advice, you might see popping up at this time of year.
Like everything I’m doing moving forward, this episode is going to be a mix of things that speak to both the tangible (tasks) and intangible (thoughts, beliefs, mindset).
I’ll share the only way to grow and scale in 2024; then I’m going to share a story with you that was the inspiration for this episode.
The point of sharing the inspiration is to piggyback on the last episode, “Everything Is Content, 2.0.” I want you to start finding content ideas and inspiration from all areas of your life.
So first, here’s the ONLY way to grow and scale in 2024:
Take complete and total responsibility for everything in your life.
Doesn’t sound very exciting, does it?
Contrary to how that might feel when you hear it, I promise you that when you truly step into owning responsibility for everything in your life, it creates massive freedom, which then opens all kinds of doors.
Besides showing you that “Everything Is Content,” the story that led to the inspiration for this episode is also an example of me walking the walk.
Because it’s going to be much less about the contrast that showed up and much more about how I caught myself playing the victim, feeding old beliefs, and then stopping that bullshit as soon as I realized what I was doing.
Here’s what happened.
I recently had a conflict with someone I love very much.
It went sideways, some heated things were said, and then a resolution was reached (sounds so formal, but truly, the details aren’t what matters here).
Like all of us, I did the normal regurgitation of things in my head.
You know what I’m talking about… “I should have said this, yea, but, if only, blah, blah, blah.”
After having returned home from the holiday and a fairly good night’s sleep, although not enough, I found myself rehashing things within minutes of waking up.
Two things to note here: even though I was home and had slept pretty well, it was less sleep than I needed, and I was pretty worn out from the previous four days. Because I woke up earlier than I wanted to, in some ways, I ‘woke up on the wrong side of the bed.’
The house was pretty cold (52), so I got to work to get a fire going right away after getting the kettle going for my coffee (I use a French Press and enjoy this slower process of brewing my coffee in the morning).
While I was doing all of this, my mind started going a million miles a minute.
Replaying the conflict, wishing I had said things differently (or not at all), and really working myself up.
It only took me about 30 minutes, but it was like someone had splashed cold water on my face.
I instantly thought, “What the hell are you doing to yourself?”
Which was then followed by a firm and resounding “Fuck this!”
I realized how quickly my ego had jumped in to take the wheel, and I was feeding that little shit as though I was a helpless victim to what was going on in my own mind (humans really are fascinating creatures!).
I’ll come back to this realization in a moment, but before that, I’m going to get a little meta here, and I want to share why this victim realization was so powerful to me.
The first time anyone called me a victim was in 2011.
It was my therapist/mentor (who I still speak with/work with today), and while I don’t remember the exact context of the conversation (it had something to do with losing my husband eight years prior at 32) and she lovingly said something along the lines of me not being a victim (because I was acting like one) and my mind was blown.
A victim is the last thing I would have ever thought of myself as but here it was.
Obviously, losing my husband in a car accident was something that happened to me. But eight years after his death, I was letting it define me.
I was letting it be my whole story, not just part of my story.
I couldn’t control what happened to me, but I could certainly control who I wanted to be at that point in my life. And I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wanted to move through my life differently.
This is when the “real work” with her began.
It’s also one of the first times I can remember someone being so direct with me (I’m sure there were other times in my life, but I was truly ready to hear it when she said it).
I also love & respect her and know that she always has my back, so as hard as it might be to hear things sometimes, I know it’s always for my highest good.
I also have plenty of evidence that when I take those things to heart and consciously choose to shift the behavior, a whole new world opens up. It’s kind of like leveling up in a video game.
The second time she told me I was being a victim was just a couple of months ago.
And it was about money (which is also why I’m going to be digging much deeper into money, women, and entrepreneurship on the podcast. I’m doing the work on a whole new level with money, and I 100% believe in the power of sharing and not letting old beliefs dictate my behavior).
I’m paraphrasing here, but she basically said I needed to stop being a victim when it comes to money (It was SO powerful to hear, and it resonated on a very deep level, so I kind of don’t remember what else she said).
Since then, what has shown up and what I’m doing has been awe-inspiring.
This is what happens when we take complete and total responsibility for our lives.
Back to the realization from my ego-driven ranty morning.
As soon as I caught myself and made a conscious decision not to feed this old story anymore, I felt like I’d had a shot of adrenaline.
I instantly felt empowered.
With only a few days left of the year and some much-needed downtime before returning to a normal work schedule, I was recommitted to these days being exactly what I needed.
And not letting drama or bullshit lower my vibration and, yes, fall into the old victim mentality.
Here are a few other little epiphanies that came out of this realization:
- The conflict happened because I was out of alignment. I hadn’t been meditating or setting boundaries about what I wanted my holiday to look and feel like.
- I know what I need to do to keep my peace of mind, but yet I fell into old familial expectations and habits so as not to disappoint other people (see the quote below by Oriah Mountain Dreamer).
- Because I was out of alignment, I lowered my own energy and vibration to meet people where they were and essentially threw myself under the bus.
- My initial reaction when I woke up and caught myself rehashing everything is all part of being human. We all do things we wish we hadn’t, no big deal.
Here’s the quote by Oriah Mountain Dreamer that I’ve shared a few times in my newsletter and probably on the podcast at some point, too (this is something my therapist shared with me years ago):
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
ORIAH MOUNTAIN DREAMER
Here’s how you can connect the dots to all of this in your business (and these are just a few examples. My suggestion would be that you do a little free writing and come up with your own that are specific to you, your business, and your life).
Doing the Work
This is as simple as being brutally honest with yourself.
Remove the shame, judgment, and right/wrongness of this look in the mirror.
Are you doing what you know you should be doing?
- Creating, publishing, and promoting your content consistently
- Going deeper with your craft, there’s no such thing as “done” with digital marketing.
- Sticking with a schedule that supports your future self, not the one that only does things when you’re “in the mood.”
Dedicating Time to New Skills
Until you can hire people to do the things you don’t want to do or enjoy doing, you’re going to have to do it yourself.
I’ve shared publicly that I’m going to master paid traffic in 2024. This doesn’t mean I will have learned all I need to know or be the best at it, but it’s going to be a regular marketing channel for leads and sales by the end of the year.
This means that in January I’ll start implementing and am going to keep at it until it’s working. Once it’s working, I’ll focus on learning to increase ad spend profitably (if only it were as easy as just increasing your budget, but it’s not).
I’m also going to be publishing videos consistently, so this is going to have to be scheduled weekly as well.
Both of these things may take longer than I’d like, but at the end of next year I’ll be incredibly proud that I stuck with it and have results.
Taking Yourself Seriously
It’s been a long time since I worked for a company or had a “job” (2007). It wasn’t the last job I had, but the one prior, where I gave SO much of myself to the company. Worked extra hours, did overnight shifts during the holidays, traveled, and basically did whatever it took to be an exemplary employee.
And for what?
I was in management, so it wasn’t like I was increasing my income with all of this extra time I was putting in.
This doesn’t mean that when you have a job, you half-ass it. But there’s a difference between doing good work and the job you were hired to do and giving your life to a company that would replace you or let you go in a hot minute if it suited them.
So ask yourself, if I’m willing (or was willing) to do this for a company, why on earth won’t I do whatever it takes to create the life and business I truly desire?
Taking yourself seriously means expecting more from yourself where you know you’re able to.
It also means making sure you’re supporting your health and well-being with rest, exercise, and things that fuel you outside of your business so you can stay engaged and excited.
You’re the only one who knows what you’re truly capable of.
You’re also the only one who knows what it is you really want.
And newsflash… it’s perfectly OK to change your mind about what you really want. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or justification.
I know as I’ve gotten older, what I really want at this stage in my life versus even ten years ago looks completely different.
This isn’t about changing your mind or even wanting more/less than you did before.
It’s about living your life in a way that creates choice.
Using Your Voice
The best contribution you can give to the world is to show up uniquely as yourself. The world does not need more of the same.
I don’t care what the topic is, but be YOU. Speak your truth.
I recently saw a video of a woman on TikTok where she said she was done listening to male self-help authors or marketers after watching a video of Casey Neistat telling the story of having a child before he was twenty years old, then moving to New York to do whatever it took to get his business off the ground.
Sleeping on friends’ couches, staying in a shelter, etc.
He has split with his child’s mother, so he went to New York by himself.
Sharing this part of the story, I bet every woman listening is wondering where his child was.
His child was left with his mother, who would take full responsibility for their child by herself while he was off pursuing his dream.
I have no idea if/what their arrangement was, but you get why this accomplishment feels a little “less than impressive” to women.
I love everything about this video.
I’ve been saying for years that before we take any advice to heart, we need to consider who controls the narrative.
Which is why we need people to speak their truths.
There are a LOT of narratives that need changing.
All of these things will look different to different people.
Maybe you need to…
- Finally, take a copywriting course to understand why your headlines fall flat.
- Start emailing your list – and/or finally putting list building at the top of your priority list
- Dedicate extra time each week to scheduling social (this is a note to self here), and then schedule additional time for engagement.
- Start or restart your newsletter.
- Invest in paid traffic.
- Hire a coach.
- Start creating systems.
- Raise your prices.
- Show up more/different/consistently.
You get the point.
And before you jump into the New Year with plans to conquer the world and get better at everything you put on your list, pick three things and do them really well.
I have stuck with my three things rule for seven months and am practically breaking my own arm, patting myself on the back for having stuck with it (this is part of my daily journaling habit).
That doesn’t mean I only do three things, but I only have three priorities.
And yes, sometimes I don’t always hit those three priorities, or life happens, and the day goes sideways. I don’t overthink this; I just put it on the list for the next day.
Taking complete and total responsibility for everything in your life also means trusting yourself.
When we take responsibility, what we’re really saying is, “Since I created this, I have the power to change it.”
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
At the end of the day, we have zero control over what anyone else thinks of us, believes, or how they behave.
