In this lively episode of About That Wallet, host Anthony Weaver dives into the complexities of modern dating, exploring how financial habits intersect with romance. Joined by a dynamic panel of experts, including Joy Coffee, Raima Carpenter, Dee Dee Patterson, Nia Adams, and Free Green, the conversation spans a variety of topics from the etiquette of first dates to the influence of social media on relationship expectations.

The panelists share their insights on whether men should pay on the first date, the importance of aligning values in relationships, and how to navigate the world of online dating apps. Dee Dee Patterson, a dating and relationship coach, offers valuable tips on creating an attractive online dating profile, while others discuss the significance of traditional dating norms and the impact of social expectations.

Listeners will also enjoy a candid discussion on the role of physical attributes, such as height and other characteristics, in dating preferences. The conversation takes a humorous turn as the panelists share personal anecdotes and experiences, highlighting the importance of authenticity and self-awareness in finding the right partner.

Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode provides a wealth of perspectives on how to approach love and money in today's world. Tune in for an engaging and thought-provoking discussion that challenges conventional dating wisdom while offering practical advice for building meaningful connections.

Discover more about the About That Wallet podcast:

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Subscribe, rate, and share to help others find valuable insights. Until next time, happy venturing!

#AboutThatWallet #Dating #Relationships #FinancialHabits #ModernRomance

>> Anthony Weaver: Welcome back everybody to another exciting

show, the about that Wallet, the podcast where we

help you build strong financial habits so that you can be

successful and build that confidence and spending

money, talking about money, uh, or even dating

with money. So that's one of the topics that we're talking about today

is how to date and it's modern era

with these apps and all this fun stuff.

But we got to get this going, you guys.

So without further ado, let's get this

intro and then we't kick it off. Let's

go.

You're listening to the about that Wal podcast.

Will be right back after these messages.

Oh, that's my short one.

I'll be right back. Hold let me find my right one

your're listening to the about that Wally podcast.

Will be right back after these messages.

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>> De Dee Patterson: Even the best and the brightest this world has to

offer. Have coaches and mentors build strong

money making behaviors by applying financial

concepts and strategies. With Anthony Weaver

on the about that Wallace show, it's time to get

off the bench and get in the game now.

Here's your host, Anthony Weaver.

>> Anthony Weaver: Welcome. So we have an

exciting show today. We have so many people on

this panel. Um, I'm actually

excited about all of this greatness and it's

a lot of femininity in here, but I'mnn hold it

down for the fellas. It's all right though. We go and get it

in. So I want you all just to kind of give

quick rundown your name, uh, your

at so people would know who you were to follow you

and then you know, just kind of quick one or two

sentence spel about what you're all about. So let's

go, let's go right to the top. Hey, let's go. Start with Joy.

How you doing, Joy?

>> Joy Coffee: Hello everyone. I am Joy Coffee Withee Joy talk show

podcast. You can find me at Coffee with Joy across everything, of

course, my website, the

coffeewoodjoyow.com if you like to be a

guest. We're always looking for guests where we normalize the difficult

conversations. So excited to see everyone. So excited to hear

everyone. Looking forward to your message. Until then,

we'love to have you on our show.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right, Rahema.

>> Raima Carpenter: Hi, Rahema Carpenter. I'M a personal and leadership

coach. Instagram, uh, mohawks and

pearls. And, uh, I help people to

achieve their personal, uh,

professional goals. And I, uh,

look forward because I want to go and have coffee with Joy.

>> De Dee Patterson: So that sounds like.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right. Thanks. De.

>> De Dee Patterson: Hello, I'm De Dee Patterson, and I'm,

ah, a dating and relationship coach. So I've

been happily married for 14 years. I

love being married and I met

my husband on a dating app. And

so I like to leverage dating apps to help women

find the love of their life. And the best

place to find me is in my Love and Dating

Secrets Facebook group on Instagram.

You can find me Edee Patterson with a zero

because someone took the O in my name,

so it's a zero. And you can find me on Instagram,

too.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right, Nia.

>> Nia Adams: Hey, Dr. Seif.

Um, I'm Nia Adams, the Money

Moves motivator. You can find me

at Money Perspectives Everywhere. Feel free

to like and subscribe on YouTube.

Um, I help women overcome money

mistakes and transform their spending habits to achieve

wealth.

>> Anthony Weaver: You're very modest. Like, you do so much more.

>> Nia Adams: I don't want to call forever.

>> Anthony Weaver: I got you. What's going Free?

>> Free Green: Hello, beautiful people. My name is Free Green. I'm the

CEO and founder of Gay Street Society. We are

your financial safe space, helping you develop

clarity, confidence as it pertains to your

money.

>> J. Steven: All.

>> Anthony Weaver: Uh, right. All right. And, um,

last but not least, gotta always give you your ad horns

because you. You always get on me for not giving you

those.

>> J. Steven: I really like Air Horse, y'all. They get me hype.

Um, something to do with growing up as a millennial and,

like, the sound. We were here in the club.

I am J. Steven, founder of Rich Like

My Melanin, where we transform complex

financial topics into easy and actionable plans.

I am going to put it out here very front

upfn. Please don't expect me to be the dating

expert. I have a program

I teach called no Romance Without Finance.

Um, and it teaches principles on

how to have healthy money conversations

in relationships. But, like, don't expect me to tell you

how to date, because if I had those answers, like,

I'm just putting myself out there today. But I can tell you

what to do once you get to the point of, you know, actually

wanting to build good foundation financially for your

relationship.

>> Anthony Weaver: Awesome. And I think that's everybody,

right?

Sweet.

All right, so, uh, I really wanted to talk about

this topic, uh, mostly and pretty much

put this panel together, mostly because a lot

of people talk about these first Dates. And

some people are just getting out of the dating game or getting back

into the dating game. And this stuff is, uh,

it's not easy from what I hear.

And so my first

question is that I put up, even though my social media page

is should guys

pay on the first date?

>> De Dee Patterson: I'm going to answer.

So I believe that the guy should

pay. Even if the woman acts I. He should just

start off the right foot where the guy should pay.

But I tell the women that I coach

that don't. You don't have to order a stake.

Be nice, because you probably won't get a second day if you

ordered the highest thing on the menu.

So, yes, I believe the guy should

pay. Don't go Dutch. Let

him be like the provider for the first date. Probably like third

or fourth date in, um, the woman can pay back

and, um, take him out. But I do believe that guy

should.

>> Raima Carpenter: Pay on the first date.

>> Anthony Weaver: Anybody else?

>> Free Green: So let me add on to that. There's a kind

of philosophy that I live by. I'm not a dating

coach, by no means. I'm just a single

woman out here, you know, trying to find my partner and find

love. But one of the principles that I kind

of just use as a guide is similar

to when those folks that are working in

corporate America or when you go to, like, a team dinner

with your work and there is maybe a partner or

director or SVP paying for the dinner, you

kind of leverage what that person

selects. So, for example, if they say, hey, I'm, um, about

to get the table wine, like, okay, we have in wine,

right? You kind of use, um, the

gentleman or the lady or significant

other person you're going on a date with as what are they getting?

You know, is it salad? Okay, what might do a salad, right?

Or are we doing surfing turf? Okay, cool. Let's turn it up then.

Do surfing turf.

>> J. Steven: Right.

>> Free Green: Um, so that's kind of how I do it. But then also,

also, I always bring my

own cash because in

the event that, um,

it's not going how I wanted to go,

I'mnn say, check, please pay for my half and get

up out of there. So just some, um, initial

thoughts.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right.

I mean, go.

>> Nia Adams: For me, it has always been standard that the guy

pays for the first date, but also the guy is typically the one

who invites me out for the first date. So it's kind of

like that's the person who initiated the

date and it kind of goes along with it. I

typically am not the one asking out for the first date. So in

my experience it's always been the guy paying.

>> Anthony Weaver: Okay. I mean that I

think my oh

quote.

>> Raima Carpenter: I was going toa say if you are not a traditional

woman, do not try to act like he should be

traditional too. I think that is

um, I think about

from the perspective of uh, you know, my

boys and how would I want them to interact people

now I do want them to be in a position to

provide financially and I do appreciate that.

Um, I also think

women should pursue men um, not

that there's zero times that you might be, you know, women might not

be the one to ask somebody else. Maybe if you do

then I would say expect to pay uh if I I mean

I haven't been on a first date in like decades

because I'm married. But um, if I

asked him to go somewhere um, I

would do so within my budget and I would expect to pay.

>> Anthony Weaver: Things.

>> J. Steven: May I hop with a few opinions? Um, I was

going to be quiet because I fel like this question for an

like unnecessarily has the black community in a chokehold. I don't know

why but like every three months we're like who should

pay for the date? And like that he

doesn't do this and if you don't make him his plate

they're like these don't forget the 50

like we really can't get past and I don't know

why we think there needs to be this like monolithic like we

all agree this what needs to get done because no two

relationships are right. Having said that,

I think the for the first date

but it also took me

um time to feel comable comfortable

with what I would accept for first date. So

I know this is go going toa be ironic

maybe I did not think coffee was the first

dayate I now do. It took me a minute to get there

um, because I I've been

working in big corporate

companies when I was earlier in my dating life

and these companies we had coffee all

the time for free and we had like

coffee for work meetings. So

when someone would ask me on a coffee date

for me it was just automatically make me think of work.

That person didn't know that that was not their fault. It was

not their responsibility to deal with

like the PTSD from work that I'm carrying where

the scent of hazelnut makes me go like u.

I had to realize and this is why therapy

growth is helpful. I had to realize

like coffee is legitimate first date. It

helps you get time to know someone and then

get in and out. Um and because of that

I dated when I was in my early 20s.

Um, and because I was. I'm from the south, my family'from the south, and

we have this whole notion that you're, like, you're supposed to be married young. And then

I'm glad I didn't get married young. It was,

um. And so I took a long gap from dating. I mean, so long

that I'm quite sure I would qualify to be on, like, one of these reality shows where

they dramatically say, like, never had a relationship in 10

years. Like, that would always be the caption under me whenever I came on

screen. So when I finally started putting myself back out there and

dating and working on, like, uh, this is

black only dated. No, no, you can stay winning

here. Welme

all. Um,

we. When I finally put myself back out there, I said I would do the

coffee and everything, and it's been perfectly fine, and I've enjoyed

it because it's really not about, like, how much someone spends. It's

about the chance to get to talk to someone, get to know some things.

And in the time it takes you to finish coffee, you can decide, like, h.

Do I want to linger and act like I'm still drinking this coffee, or

can I just, like, book it and head out and say, ah, you know, I

got somewhere to go? Um, also, one thing

a guy did that I was like, now, that was a so of flex. Um,

this was many, many years ago.

But, um, I knew the

check was coming. I've had one guy who went out of his way to let me

know. Like, he picked the check up. Let's say this was the check when it came

to the table, and he tapped it in the center of the table and said, now what

do we do about this? Mind you.

Mind you, this one of the worst dates I could give y'all. This is not

about me. But, like, we have a whole episode. The top 10 worst dates I've

had. This was our first day. This guy,

and he did this at a happy hour date

where we only, like, the total bill was $15.

>> Anthony Weaver: He really.

>> J. Steven: And m. He ate almost all the food off my meal on my plate. I

was starving. And. And

then, um,

I met him because I repaired his ha.

>> Nia Adams: Red flag.

>> J. Steven: So I knew he had.

Wait, I teach your taxes, sir.

>> Raima Carpenter: I know you.

>> J. Steven: And so I was like, if we have to do something, then we

could split these $15. Like, here's 10.

And even the server looked at us like, she looked like,

um. So that was one where it was like, red flag. Then the

Green flag if you have one to like, oh wait, here I have a

green flag that we can fly

across. Not

saying men have to do this, but I was like that was subtle. It

was this guy. We went to um, some restaurant, a nice

restaurant for lunch and after we

finished eating, I kept sitting there thinking like the bill hasn't come. But

I didn't want to be rude and say, you know, we need to leave.

He evented and then he said, are you ready to go? And I said, uh, yeah, but we

haven't paid like I. We died in a d. And you know, I

get um. And he

said, oh no, before we got

here I. He just said he called and put his card

on file. Or like he conveniently went to the

restroom at some point and said, you know, this is for our table

and cashed out. And I never even saw the bill. I said, oh,

now that was smh. Not saying guys need to do that. Not trying to put

that pressure out there. I'm just saying those are very opposite extremes

of the. I'm going to put this bill in front of you. Make sure you see it

versus the. You don't have to worry about this. My, I want to just take

care of you tonight.

>> Anthony Weaver: Oh man.

Okay,

that opens up then like, you know, on these dates a lot

of guys will say, well what do you bring to the table

then? You know, and I always thought

about it as a sidear. Uh, uh, it was like I would

never ask that because I didn't have anything to bring

to table. Why you have legs to put on the table like

what you. I was like, because my first

date, it was like you go to the park and

walk around that was free. Like so I'm here for the free

stuff. Uh, you know, if it was a coupon or

groupon or something.

>> Joy Coffee: Well, you know, I think social media has really put a crutch on

um, dating, right? Has really taken the simplicity out of

dating. Really made it that we have to go to these five star

restaurant to really be on top. To not even. You

don't even know the individual to even say that if it's quote unquote,

even if it's worth to be with this individual, not to say the person

is worthy but it. Social media has really

put this big crush and put this facage that hey, we

must do this. The simplicity is the best because this is where you

get to know the individual. Going to the park, going to the coffee.

I remember listening to this panel and the guy says, you know, uh,

I. If you If I got to take you to a coffee that. If I

got to take you on the coffee, then I guess I'm not worthy, you're

not worthy or something like that. And of course,

everybody has answers. Everybody has some type of,

you know, they have everything. Which guy got the second

thing?

>> Raima Carpenter: Friend?

>> Nia Adams: That's a question.

>> Joy Coffee: Yeah, you want to answer?

Go ahead, Jay.

>> J. Steven: I'm putting it in the comments interrupt

you Jo. Uh, go

ahead. But I put it in the.

>> Joy Coffee: Oh, no, you're good. It was just to bounce off with Anthony. You know, it's just.

I think social media is really a strong player in this

where it's really just taking the simplicity out of a

simple relationship. People think they have to and that's where it

goes back. Who should pay, you know, where. You know,

now you have these people who just, um, I'm not

men per se because I'm heterosexual. No, no

offense to, you know, to my Alphabet people. But

it's really just, hey, no, they want to feel like

they want to say, sit on the same throne. And

it's. It's not that, you know, it's like, why can't we

just go out and enjoy. It's okay. I mean,

but like free say, hey, inna make sure I'm

taken care of. So decide if you want to go left. You

could play the fool if you want to. You can end up vi by yourself. I'm

out the door. But again, you know, it's really

just taking the. Some social media has taken the simplicity out

of simple things that were relationship. I mean,

going on a date is what it looks like. Just enjoy the

individual. People don't talk. Like, now I know you all probably saw

with Halie and her boyfriend, I guess whatever

situationship they broken up. It's like, come

on, did y all even thought about being with, you know,

being together? Here it is. It's like, now we made a baby,

now we're not together. It's almost like the norm and it's.

You want us as people to accept that. So

it's like really just going backwards.

>> Free Green: Yeah, I think I.

>> Nia Adams: That it's based on the person. I don't feel any pressure

to do any of those things. I'm

definitely a do me type of person. And with each

relationship, I don't need anybody to tell me

what role is whose role. And I do

it based off, like we decide what we're going to

do. But I agree with Jay, like, it's the

5050 conversation. It'what are you bringing to the

table? It's the first date. It's

the um, I'm trying to think of the

top, the top five U uh,

just hot topics that are so controversial and to me

honestly it's just another way to divide.

>> Joy Coffee: Oh yeah, big time.

>> Free Green: Yeah, I'll say if, if a guy asked me

what I bring to the table on our first date,

that lets me know that you are chronically online

and you're probably tuned into some

podcasts that I don't watch and

so we probably ain't compatible

do together. Because my

answer is going to be I am the table, the

legss, the napkins,

like all the things. And that it's not from a

perspective of like, oh, I'm just this independent woman

because I've had my, my uh, personal

evolution with that phrase as well.

But it just lets me know that like we're not starting

off from the same place intellectually

and like our intentions and while we're having this first D.

>> Nia Adams: Personally, I completely agreeely.

>> De Dee Patterson: Yeah, if I had a red flag, I would be pointing

it. If a guy said that is a big red flag.

He's not ready for a relationship.

Because one of the biggest parts of

falling in love is what can you do for the other person? Like you

should be thinking about what are you doing for the other person.

But if he's me focused, he just seems like

a selfish guy and it's not going to go well in

marriage or any type of long term relationship. So

that's just a big red flag of a guy is what are you going to do for me?

He has a wrong attitude for falling in love and being

in a relationship.

>> J. Steven: So.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, we got a comment from Erica. She said I'm

good with the ice cream dates. Like.

>> Free Green: I have a running joke on um, my YouTube channel that like I'm

an ice cream connoisseur. So I like ice cream

dates, coffees. I'm very adventurous. Like, let's go

skydive. Like I want to get to the point where I

can observe you and understand like how you

are in addition to the conversation. But I learned more through

observation because uh, you could tell me anything but I want to be

able to see how you are in certain scenarios and

situations.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah.

So what are some, some good places for dates then?

You know, especially in 2024.

>> Nia Adams: I think it depends on the person. Um, it's

a matter when you're having those initial conversations you can find a little

bit about each other and you'll pick something that will

resonate with both of you all. You know, typically you have Those get to know

you conversations, you know, before you go out

the first time. That's the perfect time to figure out oh,

oh, she likes museums. We can go to the museum.

>> De Dee Patterson: O she.

>> Nia Adams: You know what I mean? Like something that relates to the people and

not what society feels like.

>> Anthony Weaver: You should go PR Gotcha.

Nobodra. O that's Somebody said the

library.

All right. So you know, because

coming to like some of these adventure dates

and stuff like that, do you feel like, I mean obviously you get to know a little

bit more about the person but also how do they show up for the

event because they know where they going at versus like you go to a

identner date. They might look nice, you know, from waist

up, but down bottom, the shoes

ain't shoing in the um, pants ain'tucking or

something. You know. How do you.

You gaue that as well? Like did they really prepare? Did they go

out, you know the R was the REI

and get some hiking boots or something like that for, for the

hike or did they go to Nike

outlet to get some shorts for you? I mean did

they give you a water bottle when you show up? Like

would those things be a green flag for you?

No. Adventurous dates.

>> Nia Adams: I think they will show their into it. If they like

if they bring supplies and things for me for whatever

activity we're doing. I feel like they put some thought and we're being

considerate of me. They could have showed up

with nothing. Like you ready?

>> Joy Coffee: Right?

>> Nia Adams: I.

>> Free Green: That's a bonus. You got a good attitude.

If you got a good attitude attitude about it in terms of

like you're excited to meet me. I'm excited to meet you. Like I'm excited

to get to know you and the vibes is the

same. Like you show with water. Okay, cool. So

like let's go do. Let's go have fun. Let's go do what we about to do

and because particularly when it comes to adventure stuff and

like with a little bit of competition because I'm not

super competitive. So I oftentimes like to go on

competitive dates to see like are you going to let me

win or are you going toa try to like

really win? Because I'm like m.

Yeah, you got it. I'm not that

soe.

>> Nia Adams: Yeah, I don't like movie dates for a first date.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, you can't talk on them.

>> Nia Adams: Yeah, exactlyactly. That's the point. You

can't ah talk. So we just sitting in the movie.

>> Raima Carpenter: I talked during movies. That would be bad for me.

>> Nia Adams: Uh, yeah, I'm Pretty sure people in the movie

theater might have a problem with it.

>> De Dee Patterson: Yeah, I like fun dates because it

just puts you in a'relaxing. You're not like all

stf. So any type of fun date is good. I

saw the library. I don't know about that because you can't.

Again, you can't really talk in that one. And I actually

like restaurant dates. I know some people are like, oh, that's too

boring. But you get to talk to them and get to know

them. And that's like one of the

biggest, most important thing about, um, dating is getting to

know another person. I like that you can do that in a restaurant.

So anything fun and relaxing because

you just. That's what we have to get people to do is to relax

and not be so, like, nervous. And those fun

dates is a way to get people to relax.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah.

And before you even get to the dating, because

deed dee I'mn to lean into your strong su

here, which is setting up that online profile for

these apps. So, you know, since

you're like the queen of setting up these apps,

can you give the people that are listening right

now, uh, some kind of takeaways

that they can kind of enhance their online

presence for dating?

>> De Dee Patterson: Yes. I love this topic.

Are the things. So the main things I

say is when we talk about

pictures, dress your best. I know some women

think, oh, you should see me in my natural environment

or something. No, just like an interview. Just

look your best. Have dresses, nice

clothes, and then have a body

shot and a face shot.

So make guys, they want to see your body, so

they, they want to know what you really look like.

Also have a face shot. Some of the profiles I

looked at, one of the first things I saw, it was like,

you're frowning, you look mean. So make sure your

pictures are smiling. Make sure you look nice and friendly.

So guys want to pick you. And

the biggest mistake I'm seeing in a

bio is that they're

too negative. Like, they would start up, I

don't want any guy who does this. I don't want any guy who does that.

Use your filters instead of putting

those words because you just seem like a negative person.

So a lot of no smoking, no short guys,

no, none of this. And that just turns guys off. But,

uh, when you're talking in a positive way, this is who I am

and this is what I'm looking for.

The things you want instead of I don't want this,

I't, um, that makes a profile

better. And the women who, once I change their profile

from the no smoker. Know this, know this. And I

change it to a more positive one. They're getting way more

quality matches. So that's the biggest

mistake I'm seeing when I see people's

profiles.

>> Anthony Weaver: Wow. Well, thank you for that one

because, you know, I hit a lot of people trying to

utilize these platforms. I could tell you that I was negative

from my tender profile.

>> Nia Adams: Say Erica comment is clutch.

>> Anthony Weaver: Which say comment is very important.

>> Nia Adams: This one, I can't tell you how many men they got their high

school football pitcher on their

profile. So you are 50.

>> Anthony Weaver: That is o make sure you're.

>> Nia Adams: That is not you. I don't know who that man is, but it is not

you anymore.

>> De Dee Patterson: Yes. Make sure the pictures are current. That's a big

one. It is. Yeah.

>> Joy Coffee: But they apps, aren't they the abs anymore it.

So they become more of a business. You know,

people are solicening, they're asking for things. You're

genuinely going on there trying to hopefully you could match

find that mate or hopefully that mate find you. But in

reality, this person is an entrepreneur hoping that they could find some type

of call girl or you know, quote unquote, trafficking. You

know, they set it up very nice. You know, that's the

catch. Right, Right. And it's

really. You're not on here for that.

>> Nia Adams: Agree.

>> Joy Coffee: But that's what it's turning over. And now apps are

making people pay because with the intent of paying,

you would think you will get quality people. Right.

But entail people just pay hoping that they can find

more in a certain, um, certain area

outside of dating. So me personally, I, um, am

not the person for the app. So I mean the data apps

to me is completely just, it's gone bonkers.

And nowadays and excuse me, um, you know, I'm not a

cursor, but I guess I just want to call the FBC the fuck boy

coalition. It's like,

you know, they really trying to find when you are a

woman, you know what you have, you know what you already have, you know, and

I'm not saying, hey, I'm up here looking for Benzo, whatever,

not I am but you know, hey, at least let us

come equal. You know, I'm not trying to get over on you and I'm hoping that

you're not trying to get over on me and a lot of men. I'm not saying

it's all but a lot of men are um, on there hoping that they could find the e

scapegoat. They're trying to see if they could stay with Someone

seeing, hey, how can I get this and get there? And

then even to go back to what you were saying dei, about,

you know, people being negative, it's like to me, I'm thinking it is in the

reverse. I'm trying to cut all this bull out. I'm not trying to waste your

time, you know, and sometimes some people don't know how to transfer the words

for the positive. Right? I don't want nobody four feet,

you know, I don't want you fat. I know I'm a plus size girl. I want you

big. You know, I don't got no problems, you know, I don't want you smoking,

so I just don't want you wasting my time, you know, because

not everyone can't afford a coach, right? So they just trying to go

out there, like, look, just bypass me with all that, you know,

and the ab really have taken.

>> De Dee Patterson: Huh, huh.

>> Nia Adams: I agree with that. Be yourself. Because

if you change in who you are just to get chose,

then once you meet, you're not going to be the person that you presented

yourself to be. You're going to be somebody different. So that was just a waste of

both of your time.

>> De Dee Patterson: M right person.

>> Nia Adams: Show yourself.

>> De Dee Patterson: Yeah, definitely be yourself.

About the, um, you want to put the nose

and stuff, but my client say exact

samething. No, I need to put the. No smoking. I need to.

And then when I switched it up for them, they're like, oh,

wow, I'm getting really quality. Because they don't

realize how much that negative stuff is just like,

even, like, let me give you an example. Like, and I think,

Anthony, um, I'm telling on you. So if you like no

woman with a wig, and even if you don't have a wig,

you're going to be like, I just don.

>> J. Steven: I got a wig today.

>> Anthony Weaver: You sure did.

>> Nia Adams: Mind is to me, that tells me where your mind

is.

>> De Dee Patterson: Even if you don't have it just like deterred, you re like, oh, I.

>> J. Steven: Don'T want to deal with that person.

>> De Dee Patterson: But anyway, Anthony, you want to tell your story?

>> Anthony Weaver: Oh, my God.

>> De Dee Patterson: Sorry, I'm calling you out.

>> Anthony Weaver: Thank you. Uh, so my

profile, my tender profile, when I had it, um,

um, I said, like, no wigs,

uh, uh, little to no makeup,

no kids. I said, what else I put on

there? And I had some other

things. So it was like, just weird. And then I got a lot

of hate messages, of course. And I'm like, well, you could

have just kept moving, like, just kept swiping. What? You took the

time out to respond to my message.

>> De Dee Patterson: But you didn't say that. Your wife didn't read it. And that's the only

reason you still.

>> Anthony Weaver: That's all the reason why. Yeah, why?

Whyife? Did I read it?

>> J. Steven: I. Please.

>> Raima Carpenter: I was going toa ask that because yourife.

>> De Dee Patterson: Isay.

>> J. Steven: How old were you when you made these posts?

>> Anthony Weaver: Uh, let's see. I was

33. Fresh on the market

around that time frame.

>> J. Steven: Okay. And I know this is, like, putting you in

the hot seat. Anthony knows love is.

I am not trying to call you out, especially on your own show.

Haveier Gus here.

Um, what made you think something was wrong

with makeup or wigs or

anything? Like, like, I'm saying that because I'm pointing to, you

know, makeup today.

So what made you think that

was an issue? And this is safe space. Whatever you say.

I.

>> Anthony Weaver: No, it's a safe space, but also,

it'it's. On the Internet, too.

It's cool. Uh, but y'all got the red flags

ready? You know what?

>> J. Steven: I'm going to give you look, I'm going to give you a

pink flag.

>> Nia Adams: There you go.

>> Anthony Weaver: You go.

>> Nia Adams: There you go.

>> J. Steven: As y all can tell, like, pink. But also, just

because I know you, I've seen who you are

now, so that's why I'm like, fall.

Like, um, so

what made you think that, like, Wes

m excessive makeup, nails. Like, what made you think that would be

something you were not attracted? You, like, you had a bad experience. You were,

you know, hanging out with somebody and they wig knocked off or like

an ey you woke up on an eyelash next to your pillow or

something. Like, what were the situations that got

you?

>> Anthony Weaver: Where's the trau coming from? Where the trauma come from?

Um, u. It was my prior relationship. That's what it was.

And it was just kind of seeing

the amount of effort that was going

into the look, and I was like,

um, um, it's just

me. Like, you know, I don't. I don't look for all of

this extra stuff. But then she was like, well, I do it for

me, for herself. And I was like, it took me

a while to understand that, but then I was like, you know, when I

got done with that relationship, I was like, I just don't

want to deal with it at all. So.

But, you know, I had to get it that some people

are different, and some people like it, some people

don't. I mean, but to me, I'm as. I'm

older now. You know me, it's like, I can chill

with you all day, so it's Cool.

>> J. Steven: Yes. Okay. See, and, and that's the

maturation. It's the same way I didn't want to do coffee

dates. I'm like, if you take me on a coffee date, he's not the man for me

because the PTSD I had and the fact

that it had nothing to do with that guy and

as you said, he might in your case, she was doing all of

that for herself. Um, and let's be real, at some

point, you liked it because you initially saw her. She had all

of that on you stuck around. That's when the guy

asked me on a coffee day. He wasn't saying like, I want to make you

think about work all the time. I'm m trying to pull on your

triggers. He didn't even know that about me. I wasn't giving him a chance to know

that about me. I was holding in the trauma I

had. I also think it's, um, we mentioned

social media before, um, that

people have just these

unrealistic expectations your pockets won't agree with.

>> Nia Adams: They had a good name.

>> J. Steven: It really had nothing to do with money. Caus you know, Starbucks dreams can run

you a little something. Depends on what you order. Um,

it. Social media

just becomes like whatever, for whatever reason, the guide by

which we say something's a healthy relationship or not. I

think that there's this idea of like

how someone should look and what dates we should go

on. Um, because you want to have it postw worthy

and you can have a lot of really

great pictures, but your relationship, your life,

the trust, the communication, the respect for you have is in

shambles and there's no filter for that. And so

you're sitting here trying to like force something to work off the

strength of I want it to look like something.

And this is what I think should be like how women are like, he's

got to be six foot three. Okay, girl, but you don't like to wear

high heels like you're

five too. So like, maybe it's

okay if he's not 60. So

it's just kind of like understanding that there's so

much more that will make a relationship work

beyond the appearance.

And I think what people constantly circle back to

is like they're trying to find a no as opposed to trying to find a

yes. I'm also very guilty of this. Again, not trying to give dating

advice. Just like advice on. I'm

very guilty of having to remind myself, do not

take an easy exit out. Don't be like, oh, that one

time. Keep blink three times in a Minute

y. Like, I'm out. I'm out. That

be me was so goodest.

Or it was like I. It could be absolutely

nothing wrong. There are a few things that I'm just going toa say no to. I will

say, if they're missing that tooth on the side, I will find myself

just staring at it because I'm just kind of like,

h. So do we not have dental insurance? And are we not

taking care of our health?

>> Anthony Weaver: Which means care of yourself?

>> J. Steven: Are you taking care of me? Cause like, how are

you going to bring a family into when you can't even handle

your own dead bones coming out your gums?

But again, things you have to just like, I might just look at

it. Unfortunately, I haven't had that. I think people tend to be getting

their teeth nowadays big, so there's not that breeze going through the side. Y'all

know that one.

>> Anthony Weaver: I know you're talking about to be.

>> J. Steven: Missing in people's mouths.

>> Anthony Weaver: I know. Talking about

always keep my. My dental records available.

I accidentist for, uh, u. Uh, you know,

mo mold. Fun stuff. But

anyway, anyway, back to the topic.

Uh, you know, where do you

actually get your dating advice? I'mn harp on you rahema

for this one, because you got a couple little ones out there

and, you know, you provided them some dating advice, showing them good

examples. Where did you get your examples

from?

>> Raima Carpenter: Um, I probably got my examples from a whole lot of what not

to do. Uh,

so I think it's really important to date your values.

Uh, so. So values are the things that are going to underpin

your decision making. So in. In

leadership coaching, uh, surprisingly,

the personal life stuff still comes up. That's why I say personal

and leadership coach. Like it's that holistic thing. And so

in my coaching practice, I do come across,

uh, people sharing stuff. What's going on, their dating, um,

maybe marital problems. Right. Just different stuff that come

up. And so, um, typically I'm

asking, you know, well, what information do you need

to make a decision? Right. I don't necessarily tell people what

to do. If somebody asks me, then I'll caveat it and

say, well, I'm coming from the

perspective of that. Like, I am a, um, I would say, like,

you know, a historical Christian. Right. Um,

and so, you know, you're going to hear something a little bit different when it comes to

restrictions and dating. That being said for my

kids, um, I don't want my kids

to ask somebody else what they bring to the

table. Uh, but I'm going to.

And, and really, that's a question that I

reserve for women because what I'm finding is

with my mid-20s, um, which is

about the youngest of my coaching clients are mid-20s, so like

25, 26. They're

operating from the perspective that they don't, they don't have to do

anything. Right. It's like the guy this, the guy

that. And so it just out of curiosity, like what is

it you bring to the table? And it is a really

offensive question. Um, I met this young

woman, um, not, not a client of mine, but she

was um, like Instagram pretty.

Like look like she's filtered but she's not wearing the,

the little shorts with the ruching up the behind.

Um, and so for some marketplace, um, um, that

don't come. I don't want my kids bringing that home. But like for

somewhere else, you know, you're kind of

stereotypical pretty. Um, um. And, and I asked her that. She's

like ah, all this. And she was kind of joking. But

like what was clear to me is that she hadn't reflected on that.

Now I'm not saying that these women don't have anything to bring to

the table. I'm just saying that you should

to did Dee's point earlier talking about men asking that same

question, you know, for to reflect on that and being what is it that I'm

going to bring to the table? What am I, you know, you

know, I'm a great partner in this way. I can support you doing

this. Um, I want for, for my

kids to first understand who they are.

Uh, uh, before u. Um, like I want

them to have outward expressions of who they are, not putting on things

from other people. So again being grounded in their, in their

values. Um, um. Because ah,

again like learning from what not to do. Right've I've been

in a relationship before where uh, you know,

really, you know, crush to my. My spirit and

my confidence and uh. And I don't want for my kids to go through

that same thing. U. Um, and then

uh, uh, as far as like the rest is like, it's like

how do you guys interact with each other? Uh uh,

for initial dating, um, um, like the initial dates,

like I can't really speak to that. But as far as being in a relationship, how

do you navigate conflict? Um, what is your desired

outcome? If you're having a maybe um,

a contentious conversation, what is your, you know, when you walk away from

the end of that conversation, what do you want to achieve?

And having that end in mind will help filter

what you say in that Conversation. Um, do you want to

win or do you want to be happy at the

end? And so, um, those are some things that come m to mind

for, uh, thoughts around dating.

>> Anthony Weaver: Gotcha. Thank you for that one. Because, I

mean, you know, we all got toa learn from somebody. I think it

was not John Mayer. What was it?

One of those songs. I'm bad with songs. Ne. You know, I'm

bad with songs. I ain'tnn try it.

Yeah, yeahe not or

no. He was like, fathers, learn from your daughter's

daughter.

>> J. Steven: That's John Mayor.

>> Anthony Weaver: John, uh, Mayer. Okay.

>> Raima Carpenter: You said John Mayor.

>> J. Steven: He said, I definitely heard

John Legend. And you know what?

Uh, if I could, I'll put myself in my corner,

say red flag for

list skills. So I would put myself in time out over

there. I'm just put on you and

John Mayer'a great song, though. That song gona happen feeling

when it gets to the bridge.

>> Anthony Weaver: Uh, and that's why I said, I can't remember the song, but it gets to that.

It's giving me those vibes. Uh, so

free.

You know, when it comes to the

dating pool, how do you feel,

um, about,

you know, single fathers?

>> Free Green: Oh, that's actually a really good question. So,

um, I personally don't have any kids. I'm in my

mid-30s, and I

have dated and will date a

gentleman that has two is

my max. Um, and

oftentimes in social media, we talk about the number.

But what's most important to me is that one,

the relationship that he has with the kids.

Because if you are a present father, that goes

a long way with me. And not just present from the perspective

of, like, oh, I'm paying child support. That

ain't enough for me, and I'm not even ma.

So'like are you showing up the games?

Do they. Do you have an act? Like, do you play an

active role in their life? Um,

because that is important. Because should. Should

we have, you know, kids and

blend the family? I want to know that you have a

track record of activess.

>> J. Steven: Right?

>> Free Green: Um, and then what's also really important

is the relationship that you have with their mother.

Um, I for. So I'll give you a quick

story. So I went to

lunch. Um, this wasn't a day I just happened to

meet thetleman while I was treating myself to a solo

lunch one day. And we got to talking,

and, um, he mentioned that he had a daughter who was around 8

years old. And I was like, oh, okay. And

then he. He proceeded to

say, like, he couldn't stand his

child's mother, she like made him sick and was

just disparaging her. And I was like,

do you talk about your mother that

way? Right? And they kind of caught him

off guard because up until that point the conversation was flowing.

But for me that was like, mentally.

And I guess he, he thought that I was

goingna like, oh, yeah. And I'm like,

no, sweetie. So u.

Um, you know, that conversation didn't go

much further. But those are kind of the two things

that I look at. And then also what's kind of helpful

for me is to understand the age because if your child

is two months,

it's gonna be a no, right?

>> J. Steven: So, yeah, the saying

if you. If the baby's under, under

two, y'all ain't through.

>> De Dee Patterson: For me, black

girl mmm.

>> Nia Adams: For me, my daughter's 23, so I

don't want to be under 5. Uh,

my daughter is grown. I'm not looking to start

over. If we're looking to get in relationship, your

children are packag j the same thing. If you're not active in your

children's lives or have a positive impact in their life, we

can't date. There's nothing we can

do. Um, but that's going to

be a point for me in the relationship

because like I said, um, I'm an empty

nester. So that's something I

have to consider. This young, like you

said, under two. They not through, um, and

just things that a child needs at that age.

Homework, pick up

hairstyles. Um, if I'm taking on this relationship with you, this

means I'm going toa be doing hair. I'm. You know what I mean. If

we're talking about getting together and we date for long term, so those

are things that I have to consider

do I want to do that and I

don't.

>> Raima Carpenter: I think this is a great question, Anthony. Um,

so I will share. Um,

I swore, uh, after the last, after getting

divorced that um, that I was going to marry for

money and inst said I

married a soldier with four kids.

And so I had one child from previous marriage, he

had four. And ah. And so now

those, the fourth of those ones, um,

just finished high school. Mine, uh,

that I came into the marriage with, uh, is now in high

school. And then we have a surprise, um,

baby who, who's seven. So a

huge um, age range for the kids. But

uh, going back to

how they, how the dads interact with

their kids and how they just how they are about their kids. And

I will tell you that that same care extends

to Me. And so I know that I am

a better mother being

with my husband, uh, that I was before he and

I got married. Um. Um. He's also, you

know, like, I'm a bonus mom. He's a bonus dad. You know,

fortunately, our, you know, for all the kids have their other

parents and all of that. So, um, you know, we're in a good situation

there. But, uh, it's tough when you talk about

what kind of filters you're going to put in place. And that's why I say, you know. Re going back

to dating values, because you may find yourself dating

somebody that is unexpected.

But then, uh, like, I mean, ll I'll tell you all,

like, I went part. Like, he married a career woman. I went part time

last year. And I have an extra strategy from the workforce. I told my

husband two years ago, I'm like, um, I. I don't want

to work anymore, and I don't want to have any responsibilities

before providing for the household. And he was kind of like, uh,

u. Okay. And, um. And we

partnered together to, you know, to be able to make that happen. And

it'll take total. It will take about four years to make that

happen. Um, but, you know, for somebody else, they

would have filtered him out because he is not six foot tall.

Right. And he has four kids. And, man,

I am incredibly blessed.

I have a wonderful husband who, um. And I'm really

spoiled. I don't know what I would do if something

happens to him. Um,

Dee Dee, there's probably no hope for me. Like, I.

I'll just.

>> Anthony Weaver: You could talk about his cooking if you want to. I mean,

about. You can talk about his cooking if you want to. It's all right.

>> Raima Carpenter: We know he cooks. He does my mil prep. Like, y'all.

It's. I. He's happy. So,

I don't know. You'll have to ask him about it. But, like, I am. I

am super spoiled. Um, I just. The point is

dating your values, um, and being mindful of some of

these other things. Now, if you're somebody who has decided that you don't

want to have kids or however you want to set your boundaries, like, that is

perfectly fine. Like, I am not, um.

>> Anthony Weaver: Um.

>> Raima Carpenter: Don't hear what I'm not saying.

>> J. Steven: Right.

>> Raima Carpenter: I am not shaming that again. It could be just part of, you know,

where you are in your life, that you don't want the responsibility,

uh, of being a parent when that's not your child. Like,

it is a responsibility and free, to your point, like, you

are. You are all coming. Like, you have to take it

all.

>> J. Steven: Anthony.

>> Raima Carpenter: So maybe something for us to talk about later is, um,

maybe like how you do family dates or something like

that. Because that was also, I mean, that was a

key thing in, you know, our dating relationship. So talking

about dates, I'm like, oh, like, you

know, we had very few before

then. We were looking at integrating the family. You.

>> Nia Adams: Yeah, you make a good point. Like me personally, I'm that person. I don't

plan on having any more children. I've made sure that I'm not going to have any

more children. So I know would be no

surprise babies, um, for me. And so

that's why that's a strong consideration for me.

>> De Dee Patterson: So what I believe, um,

I'm going to talk about dating up and again, because I love dating

apps, that you can be picky on a dating

app. So if you don't want a guy with a

kid under two, then you don't have to. Like, there are

so many men out there. I know some people

think dating apps are over, they suck or whatever,

but you really can be picky. And so when

the women that I work with, if they're like, I don't

want a guy with kids, then go ahead and click,

filter out the guy with kids. But you can be as picky

as you want and it's okay. It's whatever your preference

is. When I, um, met my husband, I put no

kids and he didn't have any kids.

>> Anthony Weaver: I.

>> De Dee Patterson: But no kids, never married before and

he popped up. So.

>> Raima Carpenter: And height filters too, right?

>> De Dee Patterson: Matter negative. Yeah, you can put

negative, uh, filters. That's where I recommend you filter it

as they. Not on your bio, but filter as

much as you want. That's how I met my husband.

>> Anthony Weaver: So. So does heighte matter though?

>> De Dee Patterson: Yes, for me.

>> Anthony Weaver: Okay.

>> De Dee Patterson: Oh, we're talking about height.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeaheah. Height.

I know.

>> De Dee Patterson: We had another question. Um, um, yeah, I put over

six, but I'm 510 and I want. I wanted a tall

man.

>> Anthony Weaver: Okay, Anybody else?

>> Joy Coffee: Yeah, height does matter. I want you to be my height or taller

because me looking down my futures, uh, up'full.

>> Nia Adams: For me, height matters, but you don't have to

be super tall. But I wouldn't

want someone like, I'm five four. So just to give it in

perspective. So I would need them to like,

be close to me. I'm okay with looking at you directly.

>> J. Steven: Yeah.

>> Nia Adams: Equal.

>> Joy Coffee: A greater.

>> Nia Adams: Yeah. Okay.

>> J. Steven: So yeah, m. I am Withia.

I'm 5 4. On a good day, my doctor will write

down that I'm 5 5. Because she knows it lo my confidence.

And I'm um, like if you're

5 7ish, I ideally like

5, 8 or above because I wear heels.

And just like I find myself sometimes looking

at that missing tooth. I'll find myself just

looking at the crown of the head. Like I see it

and I don't know why, but I can see it.

And it doesn't matter at all. What we

as explained to me, we are

genetically, we think that someone that's taller is

genetically more inclined to be healthier. Um,

and to. And so you're thinking like you're, you're just

thinking this person is going to be around

and they are going to have good health because for whatever reason

genetics say, um, if you're

taller you can do better. Um, also

it's something that comes up in jobs too. So somewhere I

read that it was like over 95% of

CEOs are over 6ft. Um,

and it's just the thing that's out there.

But those are stereotypes that can be

broken. So I mean I've heard stereotypes

about being, you know, shorter, about being black, about being a

woman and they're not true. So

I agree with having your preference. That is

exactly what you should do. Um, but I'm just saying

we shouldn't blame someone if they do have that preference because

it comes from what's kind of just trained and you have to work

through what, what matters to you. Oh,

and thank you.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeeah, you got some shout.

>> J. Steven: Um, this is a game time decision because I definitely had on a

white shirt. I said I

look very thugnificent right now. So I got rid of

the changeains and pulled on a pink shirt that required no

ironing.

>> De Dee Patterson: All right, I wanted to clarify my answer real quick. So I

said yes, me,

that mattered for me. But there's plenty of the women

that I um, coach are like, oh, I don't care about the

height and that's good for me that was important. It

was because of. I just wanted to walk around with someone taller than

me. But it really does not matter. If I met a really, really

good guy who's just like my husband, a little shorter.

>> J. Steven: He didn't think you were saying like short guys, you know, short key.

>> Joy Coffee: Well Anthony, everybody, it matters to

me. It matters. I'm just asking. Good

Lord, don't let me throw him away. Please don't let me throw.

>> Anthony Weaver: Just pick.

>> Joy Coffee: I know very detail in my

prayers, dear God, but please, it matters to

me.

>> Raima Carpenter: I've definitely dated. Um, so I'm five five the

shortest of dated is five four. Um,

however ah, as um,

as a bodybuilder I

the guys that were shorter were also um,

very muscular and so um, there were

different areas of compatibility in that sense. So I

I and I mean it's again it's been

decades um, since I was really dating

but uh, uh, I did date a lot of

of other um, bodybuilders.

>> J. Steven: May I add one more thing to this?

>> Raima Carpenter: Um.

>> J. Steven: Short men sometimes I say it's not a red flag

it's something that I will look for.

Um, short men sometimes not

always. Sure. Kings don't come at me in these comments.

They can sometimes have a Napoleon complex and

that is the actual turn off.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yes.

>> J. Steven: Not the uh, hype please like

need to conquer and control everything.

And that is

it's similar to like sometimes men who are extremely good

looking for no reason and like

they'll call out weird stuff about like oh

your, your bangs aren't even or like they'll take two

not the bankgs that's just an odd situation.

I'm not saying itthing wrong the extremely good look at Mr. Model

but like

how this shows up in your personality is the red

flag.

>> Anthony Weaver: Hey Renee. Hey Renee's up in

girl right?

Good shout out to the finom family.

>> Nia Adams: So can I address some of the comments?

>> Anthony Weaver: Oh yeah, let's go. I can uh, put him up. Which one you want?

>> Nia Adams: So first he said he asked what muscle

he asked that question.

>> Anthony Weaver: Oh yeah, right.

>> Nia Adams: Um, and then he said six figure six feet.

That's um, um.

>> De Dee Patterson: What do d he say?

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, six feet and six figures

equals.

>> Nia Adams: And I say and protect that's a lie.

Six figures is nothing nowadays.

>> J. Steven: That is.

>> Nia Adams: Not equal provide no more maybe back in the

day but that does not equal in way back

and your six figures doesn't equate to my six bigures.

>> Anthony Weaver: Just because that part especially

without a budget we know you

need's my

favorite.

>> J. Steven: Wor bud.

>> Raima Carpenter: I probably with I don't know if I'm with the right group of people but

again for my kids I'm less concerned with

how much their partners make than I am about how they steward what they

make so absolutely.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah we say m

right My husbandire.

>> Raima Carpenter: Me.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right since we it s getting into that that dark

time I want to go on and keep it spicy.

It's the last question U uh, let me share

my screen here to kind of kick off the conversation.

>> Nia Adams: I'm so sorry but that last comment.

>> Raima Carpenter: Read read.

>> Joy Coffee: Them short m men who.

>> Nia Adams: Have a Napoleon complex they do be having stubby

fingers.

>> Anthony Weaver: Did I miss the stubby fingers? Oh,

Erica.

>> Nia Adams: Uh, Erica.

>> Anthony Weaver: Oh, Erica.

>> J. Steven: Yes.

>> Anthony Weaver: Okay.

>> De Dee Patterson: She's not l about that.

>> Nia Adams: They do be having those stubby fingers.

>> J. Steven: It is.

>> Nia Adams: I don't know what it is, but until she said that, I

didn't think about that.

>> J. Steven: But, uh.

>> Anthony Weaver: Very true'hilarious

I mean, I don't look at other guy's fingers.

>> J. Steven: I. I'm

you experiences.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right, let me know if y'all can hear this because I've been

working on myself. Y'all watch Sex in the City, right?

>> J. Steven: Please tell me all season the new series.

>> Anthony Weaver: I know, right? It's so good. Um, um.

So anyway, I mean, it's

from season one, so.

>> Raima Carpenter: Man to the ladies room. Love life

with James. Here you are. We've been looking for you everywhere.

So how is everything?

>> Nia Adams: She means of you and James.

>> Raima Carpenter: Done it yet?

>> De Dee Patterson: Mmm. Mhm. And?

>> Joy Coffee: It's nice.

>> Raima Carpenter: I'm so happy for you.

>> Anthony Weaver: Sweetie.

>> J. Steven: What?

>> Anthony Weaver: What? What is it?

>> J. Steven: Nothing.

>> Anthony Weaver: The acting. Hey,

what's going on?

>> De Dee Patterson: Why are you crying?

>> J. Steven: James has a small dick.

>> Raima Carpenter: Oh, well, it's not the end of the world.

>> De Dee Patterson: It's really small.

>> Anthony Weaver: How small?

>> De Dee Patterson: Too small.

>> Raima Carpenter: Well, size isn't everything.

>> De Dee Patterson: Three inches? Well,

hard.

>> Raima Carpenter: Is he a good kisser?

>> De Dee Patterson: Oh, who the fuck cares? His stick is like a

gherkin. It's so terrible.

Listen to me.

>> Anthony Weaver: I'm a bad.

>> Nia Adams: Don't beat yourself up.

>> De Dee Patterson: You had certain expectations and you're disappointed.

Why? Why? Why does he have to

have a small dick? I really like

him.

>> Raima Carpenter: I thought you loved him. Well, oh,

look, we've all been there, that's for sure.

>> Nia Adams: I was once with a guy the.

>> Raima Carpenter: Size of one of those little miniature golf pencils.

>> De Dee Patterson: Couldn't tell if he was trying to.

>> Nia Adams: Fuck me or erase me.

>> De Dee Patterson: I'm sorry.

>> Anthony Weaver: It's funny.

>> De Dee Patterson: Let's not lose perspective. There are ways to

work around this. But I don't want to work around it.

I love a big dick. I love it inside of

me.

>> Raima Carpenter: I love looking at it.

>> De Dee Patterson: I love everything about it.

When I blow him, it's like

nothing. Nothing.

Can you talk to him about it?

>> J. Steven: No.

>> De Dee Patterson: It's the only thing we can't talk about.

>> J. Steven: What am I gonna do?

>> Raima Carpenter: How is he with his tongue?

>> Anthony Weaver: Um. All right, so

what's that?

>> De Dee Patterson: Anthony?

>> Anthony Weaver: Yes.

>> Raima Carpenter: Why'd you do that to me?

>> Anthony Weaver: Okay. Call the k kids

came ca my pearls.

Oayee

expected that, but, uh,

I figured, you know, if we talk about house sizes and all

that stuff like that, does that really matter

to consider? If it's going to go any further

then obviously the third date rule, if you guys

have your rules, does that matter?

To continue on the conversation.

Okay.

>> J. Steven: Anthony, you want us on video in

perpetuity.

Okay.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right.

>> J. Steven: Well bringsh.

>> Anthony Weaver: You sayer. Okay. So he

said help us out. Hey, uh, look, y'all could take phone

calls. Y'all can call in if y'all.

>> J. Steven: He said play the cricket sound.

>> Nia Adams: He said play the cricket sound.

>> Raima Carpenter: Right?

>> Nia Adams: What's up the finance rebel?

>> Anthony Weaver: Hello. My. Yeah, because I yell at K. I was like

yo, thanks for u leaving uh, me hanging.

That's cool.

>> Nia Adams: What you got your response,

right?

>> Raima Carpenter: My uh, um, I for.

Okay. For my 14 year old. We have

not talked about about this specifically

but um, she has heard

probably more detail than she would care to.

Um, but that her virtue matters

and it's a beautiful thing to, to

preserve for her future husband and to have him in

mind. Um, because she may. She's going to want

to and it's natural for her to want to. Right now she's

still kind of grossed out by it, but as a 14 year old, like

your body is designed to want to and that's okay.

But I, but the optimal for you to choose not

to and then we're praying that your future husband is

also waiting for you. And then if

you, if you don't um,

engage before a marriage, then it

wouldn't matter. Uh, something to keep in mind

too is that if you have more than five

partners, women that, that can impact your ability to

pair bar. And so there are

um, long term psychological

consequences of choosing to

engage in the behaviors. Just because men can do whatever women can do,

whatever men can do. Um, I will add on to that from a

Christian worldview that 100% um, um, you

know, God can restore your virtue. I

don't mean your physical body, but certainly your ability to bond with your

potential husband. So with your future husband. So u.

Um, it's not like, you know, all doom and

gloom, but there are consequences to these

choices. I'll leave it at

that.

>> Anthony Weaver: Okay. Thank you for being brave to

take that one on.

So well,

guess this is coming to the last part of the

show. Uh, I do want to first thank you all for coming

on to this lovely panel. Please give a round of

applause to yourselves

and then I do want to give a round applause to

everybody for,

for showing up today. Thank you guys. The audience, you guys

been great. Um, let's give a shout out to

all the folks. Let's see, we got Dr. S.

Great person. I think we met a couple times. I Think

con. Um, as

Cash would Mark. I haven't. I don't think

I've probably met in person. I can't think of. Can't bring

a face right now. Shout out to

Erica. We got

Hugo Kamari. Thanks for

coming through. Defin a Gott Check his show if you haven't

already. Um, um, who else we had up in here?

We had Lisa J. Stocks, who talks about stocks

a lot. And, oh,

Renee. We have Renee. And then

also Paula. Paula was in

here with. Talk us with

Paula.

>> Nia Adams: Okay.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yeah, she's big in a podcasting

aren. She's like, all over the place.

Um, um, so do you want to say that?

Thanks, everybody. And before we go,

definitely got to let everybody know where you guys are from,

how they can keep in touch. Who wants to go first? Oh, it looks like

it's free.

>> Free Green: Well, thank you so much for having me. And, um, um, you

can Find me on YouTube at Gage street

society against your financial safe space, talking about

all things money and you.

>> Anthony Weaver: Awesome.

>> J. Steven: Take your ass to bed.

>> Nia Adams: It's time for me to go be with you guys.

>> Anthony Weaver: Okay''play some. Play some

outro music so we can, um.

>> Nia Adams: You won't be a finome. I remember how.

>> J. Steven: Huh?

>> Anthony Weaver: Uh,

all right, so next, let's see, we, uh, got

joy.

>> Joy Coffee: Where you all can find me at coffee with Joy.

Again, talk to podcast.

If you love to be a guest.

>> J. Steven: Please make sure that you.

>> Joy Coffee: Or you can email us at the coffee.

>> Anthony Weaver: Awome

cheeky. There we

goa.

>> Raima Carpenter: Um, Carpenter, you can find me on

Instagram at ohawks and pearls. You can shoot

meemailhawl.do.com.

i am a personal and leadership coach.

>> De Dee Patterson: About all the things in your professional.

>> Raima Carpenter: And personal life and make sure that your goals are aligned with your

values.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right, thank you, Kamar, for letting me know

the sound was too high. Uh, sorry about that,

Jay. Get you your, ah, air horns as your outro

as well. As always.

>> J. Steven: Thank you. Thank you all. I enjoyed this panel with you all.

You have, uh, really great advice and perspective, so

thanks for let me be part of it. I am Jay Steven.

You can find me on Instagrams at

richge, like mymelanin and then my website,

rl mm, which is the acronym of rich. Like my

melanin. Rlmmfinancial m dot

com.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right, thank you,

Dee Dee.

>> De Dee Patterson: So the best place to find me is on

Facebook. If you do a search for love and

dating secrets, I pop right up. And I

do like a Monday live every

Monday. A lot of good information.

And if you want to find me on Instagram, Ded

Patterson with a 0 instead of O because someone

took the o. So that's where you can find

me.

>> Anthony Weaver: All right, last but not

leastep, I'm.

>> Nia Adams: Um, Nia Adams, the Money Moves motivator. You can find me right

here on YouTube at Money Perspectives.

Um, the executive founder of Perspectives, a financial

education brand. And I drop a video

every Tuesday.

>> Anthony Weaver: You're author?

>> Nia Adams: I'm an author, speaker,

consultant. I do a lot of things.

>> Anthony Weaver: Yes, a lot of things.

All right, everybody, I want to just thank you all so much for

this. This has been an awesome opportunity. Uh,

ladies, if you don't mind holding on once I play the

outro, just want to say thank you again. Um,

and thank you, everybody. And please, if you

haven't already, leave, uh, some comments.

And I'LOOK forward to actually having more panels like this.

So let us know, uh, if this is something that you guys

would like to see more of, I can bring on more people.

Hopefully, I will not be the only guy this

time around to talk about dating

and having this fun time by myself.

All right, thank you all. Have a good one.

We out. Peace. Hold on.