Shownotes
The following episode contains material that may be disturbing to some listeners. If a story concerning queerphobic, familial, or religious abuse in the form of conversion therapy is likely to disturb you, then please feel free to skip this one.
When Blake is sent to Guiding Path Academy, a school for converting gay boys, there’s only one thing he can do.
Today’s story is the first of two parts of “Run” by Dirt Coyote, who, when he’s not causing all sorts of trouble on twitter, is writing a novel, a series, and short furry fiction. You can find his works in the recently released Furs with Benefits, upcoming anthologies, and at DirtCoyote on Twitter for future updates.
Read by Kergiby, a Full-Time panther.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/run-by-dirt-coyote-part-1-of-2
Transcripts
The following episode contains material that may be disturbing to some listeners.
Speaker:If a story concerning queerphobic,
Speaker:familial, or religious abuse in the form of conversion therapy is likely to disturb you,
Speaker:then please feel free to skip this one,
Speaker:and come back for another story,
Speaker:another time. You’re listening to Pride Month on The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf, your fellow traveler,
Speaker:and Today’s story is the first of two parts of
Speaker:“Run” by Dirt Coyote, who,
Speaker:when he’s not causing all sorts of trouble on twitter,
Speaker:is writing a novel,
Speaker:a series, and short furry fiction.
Speaker:You can find his works in the recently released Furs with Benefits,
Speaker:upcoming anthologies,
Speaker:and at DirtCoyote on Twitter for future updates.
Speaker:Read by Kergiby, a Full-Time panther.
Speaker:Let there be no ambiguity about the events as related by the story you are about to hear.
Speaker:At time of this writing,
Speaker:the kind of abuse which calls itself “conversion therapy”
Speaker:has been outlawed in only 11% of the world’s nations. My own is not one
Speaker:of them.
Speaker:But be assured, listener,
Speaker:this is still a story of victory.
Speaker:Perhaps not a complete victory, but there are those of us who know how to take victory,
Speaker:like love, where and as we can get it.
Speaker:Sometimes it’s acceptance.
Speaker:Sometimes it’s vindication.
Speaker:Sometimes it’s just escape, because sometimes
Speaker:all you can do is -
Speaker:“Run” by Dirt Coyote, part 1 of 2. It didn't matter that Blake got straight A's in all of his classes.
Speaker:It didn't matter that the pine marten was one of the star runners in Track and Field.
Speaker:It didn't matter that he never ditched school once.
Speaker:It didn't matter that he never so much had taken a sip of beer
Speaker:or a hit of weed, even when all the other teens were doing it.
Speaker:When his parents found the stories he was writing,
Speaker:it didn't matter that he told himself that they would never betray him.
Speaker:Because the second they saw that their son wasn't straight,
Speaker:his future was already decided for him.
Speaker:Blake was sent to Guiding Path Academy for Boys.
Speaker:It happened so fast, he didn't
Speaker:even get to say goodbye to his friends.
Speaker:Blake let out a sigh, thinking about that as he shoved meatloaf around with his fork.
Speaker:"Something on your mind?"
Speaker:the mouse across from him asked,
Speaker:voice low as he leaned in.
Speaker:He lifted his head, caught up in the memories that still lingered on his mind.
Speaker:Blake was so distracted, he almost didn't recognize where he was.
Speaker:It wasn't his cafeteria back at home.
Speaker:Instead, he was sitting in his new cafeteria,
Speaker:surrounded by boys all wearing the same light blue button up shirts,
Speaker:pressed khaki tan pants,
Speaker:and crisp white ties.
Speaker:Every student was under the gaze of two guards,
Speaker:or Guardian Angels as the school referred to them,
Speaker:standing in front of the entrance.
Speaker:"Nah, nothing. Well,
Speaker:more like everything, actually. Just a little bummed out,"
Speaker:he said, trying to force a smile for his friend.
Speaker:Bernard had been one of the quickest to warm up to him.
Speaker:He was one of the first to befriend him in this hell hole.
Speaker:They shared a room together,
Speaker:and it seemed like the rodent knew exactly what he was in there for,
Speaker:even before they said a word to each other.
Speaker:Like the bunk beds that they slept in,
Speaker:it was something they shared
Speaker:and he came down from his bed that first night they met,
Speaker:just to cradle him
Speaker:as he cried under the sheets.
Speaker:It was hard to believe that'd been more than a month ago, now.
Speaker:"Can't be bummed out! It's stromboli day tomorrow,"
Speaker:he said, giving a small chuckle,
Speaker:as if that would fix everything.
Speaker:"You like stromboli!
Speaker:Everyone does." A wolverine by the mouse's side, Collin, gave him a small playful shove.
Speaker:"How would you know that?
Speaker:They don't tell us anything around here.
Speaker:here." Collin wasn't gay, like Bernard or Blake, though most of the students here were.
Speaker:No, he was troubled.
Speaker:Got in too many fights sticking up for the right people.
Speaker:That habit hadn't changed at Guiding Path,
Speaker:always using his size and build to defend those that needed it.
Speaker:And sometimes, Blake suspected,
Speaker:just to flex over the other boys.
Speaker:"Don't shove me," Bernard said sharply,
Speaker:and with no awareness, shoved the wolverine back.
Speaker:It barely moved him.
Speaker:"I saw it in the faculty lounge.
Speaker:They let me in now.
Speaker:Supposedly, I'm one of the good ones,"
Speaker:he said, not hiding the bitterness in his words.
Speaker:Blake nodded, cutting out a wedge of the meatloaf and taking it into his maw.
Speaker:He frowned, whiskers lifting as his muzzle curled in disgust.
Speaker:It was all he was gonna get before dinner, so he forced it down with some help from a glass of lemonade.
Speaker:Then he looked up to the two across from him and said,
Speaker:"I see Dr. Fitzpatrick tonight.
Speaker:tonight." Both boys frowned back at him. Even the wolverine, as big as he was,
Speaker:bristled his black and brown fur out and shook his head.
Speaker:"Fuck that guy. He's always giving me janitor duty,"
Speaker:he muttered quickly.
Speaker:His eyes darted around, not to see if the fox was nearby,
Speaker:but instead something of a nervous tick he did whenever he was unsettled.
Speaker:"He's a fucking freak.
Speaker:He keeps telling me
Speaker:—" Collin stopped himself, and kept his mouth closed.
Speaker:Bernard reached a cautious paw over to Collin, resting it on his back.
Speaker:The wolverine flinched from the touch, but otherwise began to
Speaker:relax. All boys at the school were required to see the doctor every two weeks to talk about
Speaker:things and stuff.
Speaker:No one really shared their sessions openly. "It'll
Speaker:only be an hour," Bernard said, trying to comfort Blake.
Speaker:"Just— tell him what he wants to hear, and it goes pretty fast.
Speaker:fast." As soon as the mouse finished his sentence, his large ears folded back and he looked away from Blake's gaze.
Speaker:He focused his attention elsewhere,
Speaker:throat visibly clenched.
Speaker:It was the pine marten's turn to change the subject.
Speaker:"Anyways, yeah. It'll be during Bible study, so if you two could take notes for me, that'll be helpful.
Speaker:helpful." That seemed to do the trick, though Collin's reaction was less than cheerful. "Guh, Deuteronomy is so fucking boring.
Speaker:I just plan to fail anyways,"
Speaker:he said, adding a dismissive laugh at the end.
Speaker:Bernard nodded, rolling his eyes,
Speaker:"I guess I'll take notes for both of you then.
Speaker:then." Blake nodded back and said,
Speaker:"Feel free to go through my algebra homework. I finished it in class."
Speaker:"Already?" Collin asked, cocking his head to the side.
Speaker:Blake took a big wedge of his meatload, filling his muzzle and not bothering to swallow as he said with a mouthful,
Speaker:"Yeah. It's just algebra.
Speaker:I was in AP Calc back in public.
Speaker:This place is stunted.
Speaker:stunted." It was true. The Guiding Path had no advanced placement courses or even college prep.
Speaker:Just the basics that could possibly credit them as a school,
Speaker:along with a dozen different bible studies to fill in the electives.
Speaker:Not that he was given any real options.
Speaker:Collin snorted. "I made the right choice hanging out with you.
Speaker:You think the teacher will notice if I just xerox your homework?"
Speaker:The group laughed at that
Speaker:and finished their lunch before the next bell would ring.
Speaker:The rest of Blake's classes zoomed by, him barely having to pay attention.
Speaker:Even his English course felt remedial,
Speaker:with biblical lessons shoehorned in-between every sentence.
Speaker:If there was a god, he surely would have abandoned this place.
Speaker:Blake sat outside of Dr. Fitzpatrick's office alone.
Speaker:The waiting room was plain,
Speaker:like most of the school.
Speaker:White walls surrounded him with blue curtains covering most of a strengthened glass window.
Speaker:There was the soft hum of a white noise machine
Speaker:that muffled any conversation
Speaker:from the other side of the door.
Speaker:A desk sat next to him,
Speaker:empty with a little sign that said
Speaker:God Loves You. Pray to him while you wait.
Speaker:He never once took the opportunity.
Speaker:There was a small click, and the handle to the office jiggled.
Speaker:A second later, the door opened and the red fox, Dr. Fitzpatrick stepped in view.
Speaker:He wore a hideous
Speaker:light green argyle vest over a white long sleeves shirt.
Speaker:Just under the collar was matching green tie tucked underneath.
Speaker:It seemed like he was the only one allowed to wear colors that didn't match the uniforms.
Speaker:He stepped out of the way for a lion coming out.
Speaker:The boy's mane looked like it had been trimmed down in the past, though in the midst of growing back in.
Speaker:He had tear tracks running down the sides of his muzzle,
Speaker:and he wiped his eyes before turning back to the older man.
Speaker:"Thank you," he said, taking the fox's paws into his own and then repeated,
Speaker:"Thank you." There was a soft toothless smile on Dr Fitzpatrick's muzzle.
Speaker:He gave a nod to the boy, bowing his head slightly before saying,
Speaker:"God loves you." Then he let go,
Speaker:the lion not even sparing Blake a glance as he walked out of the waiting room, still wiping at his eyes.
Speaker:"Mr. Fuller," the fox said in a soft, almost melodic tone.
Speaker:"It's so good to see you. Please.
Speaker:Please." He held out a paw and opened the door further for him.
Speaker:Blake rose, walking inside without saying a word.
Speaker:The office was much different than the blank waiting room.
Speaker:There were several bookshelves covered in text about God and psychology.
Speaker:Another shelf was just pictures of him shaking paws with pastors and what he assumed to be politicians. He noticed a picture that sat furthest from the rest
Speaker:that always caught his eye,
Speaker:even when he instinctively tried not to look at it.
Speaker:It was a small fox cub.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick noticed his glance, but didn't say anything.
Speaker:He just closed the door behind him, and clicked the lock shut.
Speaker:Then he pointed to a seat in front of his desk as he walked around to his own chair.
Speaker:"I'm so sorry I didn't get to
Speaker:see you last week,"
Speaker:he said, that soft smile never leaving his muzzle.
Speaker:"Last week?" Blake asked, raising an eyebrow.
Speaker:The fox laid into his chair, thin body not filling out even half of it.
Speaker:"Oh yes. I usually make it a point to see all of you on the day of your first month anniversary.
Speaker:A small private session just to make sure you're fitting in.
Speaker:I've had at least a dozen new students come in and I couldn't spare the formality.
Speaker:Are you fitting in alright?"
Speaker:he asked, and though he leaned from his seat with his elbows on his desk, there wasn't much concern on his muzzle.
Speaker:The pine marten shrugged, trying not to make eye contact.
Speaker:"Yeah, I guess. I make friends easily.
Speaker:easily." Dr. Fitzpatrick nodded his head expectantly, saying,
Speaker:"Good. Good. I knew you would.
Speaker:would." He flipped open a manilla folder sharply
Speaker:and started to scan the insides.
Speaker:"I had a lot of friends at my old school too,"
Speaker:Blake said, not too friendly.
Speaker:The older man's eyes flicked up quickly at him, and behind that soft smile, he could see the hint of a frown that never showed itself fully.
Speaker:He was quick to compose himself though,
Speaker:and shrugged his shoulders as he turned back to the papers.
Speaker:"You seem like a very charismatic young man.
Speaker:That was never your problem.
Speaker:problem." Blake, feeling a little indignant,
Speaker:relaxed himself into his own chair and said,
Speaker:"I didn't have any problems.
Speaker:Should say that in the file.
Speaker:file." A grin pulled back Dr. Fitzpatrick's muzzle,
Speaker:and he looked up at him.
Speaker:He tapped at the papers in front of him, reading off things though he didn't peer downward.
Speaker:"Beds always made on time. Clothes are always pressed according to uniform.
Speaker:You haven't been caught with any contraband. Haven't gotten into any fights.
Speaker:No, you are doing wonderful,
Speaker:but we all have flaws, Mr. Fuller.
Speaker:That's what sin is.
Speaker:is." His words dripped with his patronizing tone.
Speaker:There was a moment's silence between the two, the air only filled with the sound of the white noise machine droning on continuously.
Speaker:He could see the fox flicking his eyes all around him,
Speaker:like he was dissecting him
Speaker:into little
Speaker:bits. When Blake didn't respond, he asked,
Speaker:"Did you know that those
Speaker:butchers allow gender affirming care on cubs as young as three nowadays?"
Speaker:Blake's demeanor cracked and he shuffled uncomfortably on his chair.
Speaker:"What? What does that—" "—
Speaker:Or that studies find that there's a link between
Speaker:homosexuality and pedophilia?"
Speaker:he interrupted, not allowing Blake to challenge him.
Speaker:His tone never changed,
Speaker:always remaining placid and calm.
Speaker:The hackles along the back of the pine marten's neck rose, and he grit his teeth.
Speaker:"I've never—" "Depression.
Speaker:Drug abuse. Sexual promiscuity.
Speaker:STIs. Do you know what they all have in common, Mr. Fuller?"
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick stopped talking,
Speaker:eyebrow cocked curious. When Blake didn't respond, he filled in the answer for him.
Speaker:"I think you know what that is,
Speaker:and that's why you're afraid to answer.
Speaker:You're a bright young man, Mr. Fuller.
Speaker:No one doubts that.
Speaker:that." The fox pulled out a stack of papers from the folder,
Speaker:pushing them forward to Blake's side of the desk.
Speaker:Even when he didn't want to look, he couldn't keep himself from glancing downward.
Speaker:It was photocopied texts of studies.
Speaker:"You don't have to believe me.
Speaker:You're smart enough to read on your own.
Speaker:own." Blake crossed his arms, and didn't make a move for the papers.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick drew a pen from a mug next to his folder.
Speaker:He flipped through a few more pages and said flatly,
Speaker:"You might not want to hear it,
Speaker:but it's a very decadent lifestyle.
Speaker:And you can see how it affects our most
Speaker:vulnerable youth.
Speaker:We just want what's best for your future.
Speaker:future." Blake, not wanting to humor the conversation anymore than he had, leaned in and said,
Speaker:"I want to go home.
Speaker:home." A smile spread across the vulpine's long muzzle,
Speaker:showing teeth and fangs for the first time.
Speaker:Blake couldn't help but feel like he'd just stepped into a trap.
Speaker:"Then we all want the same
Speaker:things, Mr. Fuller.
Speaker:It's called Guiding Path Academy for a reason.
Speaker:We want to get you home,
Speaker:and I'll take you there personally—" "—
Speaker:Then take me there now,"
Speaker:Blake almost growled out.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick's shoulders rose and slumped as he took a breath and
Speaker:let out a small sigh.
Speaker:"Your parents made it abundantly clear that you can go home,
Speaker:once you've shown improvements in your
Speaker:behavior," he said, clicking the top of his pen before adding,
Speaker:"And frankly, I think we got a little ways to go before we're there.
Speaker:there." Blake watched as the fox began scribbling things into a sheet of paper.
Speaker:He remembered Bernard's words about telling the doctor what he wanted to hear.
Speaker:It made his gut twist so much that he had to relax himself less he pulled something.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick noticed and seemed to take it as some resolve,
Speaker:because his wide smile slipped back into the soft grin he typically wore.
Speaker:"Why don't we talk about something easy?
Speaker:Let's go over your childhood.
Speaker:Any babysitters or figures you looked up to when you were a cub?"
Speaker:he asked without stopping his writing.
Speaker:The rest of the session was quick.
Speaker:Blake didn't give him any names, not that he could think of any specific people off the top of his head.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick didn't probe him as hard as he thought he might.
Speaker:Just asked questions casually, almost like it was a conversation.
Speaker:When he was finished,
Speaker:the fox pushed the studies further towards him and
Speaker:urged him to take the papers with him.
Speaker:"You don't have to read them," the fox started,
Speaker:standing from his chair. Blake did the same, and again, he didn't make a move for them.
Speaker:"But I know you're a curious young man,
Speaker:and I know that you'll be able to make sense of what you see.
Speaker:see." Just to drop it, the pine marten picked up the papers and tucked them under his arm.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick was first to the door, unlocking it before holding it open for him.
Speaker:There were no other students in the waiting room, and he stepped into the middle, ready to get away.
Speaker:The fox clicked his tongue for attention though, like snapping at him with a whip.
Speaker:Blake turned, and the effort felt daunting.
Speaker:He hadn't realized how emotionally draining it had been until he turned around.
Speaker:The dread had worn on him,
Speaker:not really wanting to hear anything else he would say.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick leaned against his doorway and said,
Speaker:"You don't have to love me, Mr. Fuller."
Speaker:—he pointed a finger up in the air and flicked his eyes towards the ceiling—
Speaker:"Just know, God loves you.
Speaker:you." Teeth sunk into his own tongue,
Speaker:and any words he wanted to say were halted.
Speaker:Blake gave a single nod and then walked out of the room.
Speaker:He listened as the door to Dr. Fitzpatrick's office closed,
Speaker:but didn't hear the fox following behind him.
Speaker:As soon as he was out into the hall,
Speaker:he found the nearest trash bin and approached it.
Speaker:He shoved the papers inside and held them for a second.
Speaker:Blake's paw shook as he thought over the fox's words
Speaker:about being afraid of the truth.
Speaker:If he threw them away,
Speaker:is that what he would want?
Speaker:Prove him right
Speaker:that he wasn't even willing to look at any
Speaker:evidence. Carefully,
Speaker:he pulled his paw back,
Speaker:still holding onto the studies,
Speaker:then stomped his way back to his own room.
Speaker:Bernard and Collin were already inside,
Speaker:still picking through his math homework.
Speaker:He said a small greeting,
Speaker:and their answers were just as short.
Speaker:Blake didn't feel like talking about the studies he'd been given,
Speaker:so he quickly shoved them to one side of his desk and neither
Speaker:boy asked about it.
Speaker:They shared dinner in the cafeteria before it was lights out.
Speaker:Just like Bernard had mentioned,
Speaker:it was in fact stromboli day the following lunch.
Speaker:The food was better than he expected,
Speaker:and the boys in the surrounding table seemed to be in a cheerier mood.
Speaker:Everyone in the cafeteria talked a bit louder,
Speaker:enough for him to pick out individual conversations.
Speaker:Blake couldn't help but feel that
Speaker:this was the small rewards
Speaker:the school handed out to create complacency
Speaker:with the larger body of students.
Speaker:At night was worship,
Speaker:something they hosted every Friday in the main auditorium of the school.
Speaker:Blake sat in the back, in the furthest row from the main stage.
Speaker:Bernard and Collin had joined him,
Speaker:along with a handful of other students who wore frowns.
Speaker:There was a visible gap though,
Speaker:a few empty rows between the students that wanted to be there
Speaker:and those who wanted out.
Speaker:"Come, come," a labrador pastor said as she stood at a podium in the front.
Speaker:She wore a large smile, something that felt more genuine
Speaker:than the very different Dr. Fitzpatrick's.
Speaker:Some of the students in the back moved forward.
Speaker:Blake did not. She didn't wait,
Speaker:starting the worship in prayer.
Speaker:Most of the students, including Bernard, bowed their heads.
Speaker:Collin and him kept theirs raised, and Blake did his best to drown out her words in his own thoughts.
Speaker:He hummed the melody of a song he liked,
Speaker:playing the lyrics in his head over the sound of the pastor.
Speaker:It was all he could do to remember it,
Speaker:not being allowed to bring any of his music with him.
Speaker:When the pastor spoke, she did so with her paws as much as her words.
Speaker:The labrador couldn't be restrained to just her podium,
Speaker:moving back and forth on the stage.
Speaker:She shared stories of real people and the trials they faced.
Speaker:She paused at parts,
Speaker:sometimes for the students to laugh and sometimes for the students to reflect.
Speaker:Blake didn't pay attention to most of it until the end.
Speaker:"Like you, I too had many temptations.
Speaker:The devil works in sinister ways,
Speaker:disguising sin as love.
Speaker:Disguising hurt as happiness,"
Speaker:she paused, a moment for reflection, before adding,
Speaker:"But we cannot give in to those feelings.
Speaker:We cannot allow ourselves to stray from God's path.
Speaker:His love is true love!
Speaker:He loved us so much, he gave up his only son for us!"
Speaker:There were some cheers from some of the boys up front.
Speaker:She repeated her words,
Speaker:"His love is true love!"
Speaker:once more, louder this time
Speaker:and Blake watched a boy stand up.
Speaker:It was the lion that he saw
Speaker:outside of Dr. Fitzpatrick's office.
Speaker:He ran forward and fell to his knees in front of the stage,
Speaker:putting his paws on the edge.
Speaker:"It's true! It's real!
Speaker:Stand up and feel his warmth.
Speaker:It's inside of you.
Speaker:It's inside of me!
Speaker:It's in this auditorium! I can
Speaker:feel it," she said
Speaker:as more boys began to leave their seats.
Speaker:There was a sea of arms in front of the
Speaker:stage now, twenty or so boys with their paws reaching out like she was a rock star.
Speaker:Those that didn't stand began to clap for her.
Speaker:A projector screen fell behind her as music began to play.
Speaker:Christian Rock opened on the speakers
Speaker:and people began to outright cheer.
Speaker:Above the music and applause she called out,
Speaker:"Thank you everyone for coming tonight!
Speaker:Thank you all! And remember one thing above all else:
Speaker:God Loves You!" The dog held her paws up
Speaker:just as the projector turned on.
Speaker:She waved to the students while a band on screen began to sing.
Speaker:It felt like everyone was waving back to her as she walked off stage.
Speaker:Most of the boys that were still sitting got up,
Speaker:all moving to the opening at the front.
Speaker:They began dancing to the music, arms over shoulders as they swayed back and forth. It was one of the few things that they passed off as fun at the school.
Speaker:Bernard nudged Blake's shoulder and said,
Speaker:"I'm gonna go up there.
Speaker:Just need to shake out
Speaker:my legs. Wanna come?" Blake shook his head, but gave a smile to the mouse.
Speaker:"Nah, you go out there.
Speaker:I'd rather just sit until they let us go back to our rooms,"
Speaker:he said, giving a short wave.
Speaker:He turned his head to see if Collin was gonna join, but he realized that the wolverine had already checked out.
Speaker:His head was hanging over his torso,
Speaker:arms folded and eyes closed.
Speaker:Blake could see his large chest rising and falling, completely undisturbed even with the music blasting.
Speaker:Figuring he might as well,
Speaker:the pine marten got into a
Speaker:similar position and closed his eyes.
Speaker:He felt the seat next to him shift.
Speaker:At first, he thought that Bernard might have changed his mind until he heard that soft patronizing voice he was becoming too familiar with,
Speaker:"Mr. Fuller." Blake turned his head up,
Speaker:seeing Dr. Fitzpatrick sitting next to him.
Speaker:Today he had on a revolting
Speaker:pissed colored yellow argyle vest with a tie to match.
Speaker:He sighed and gave a quick nod.
Speaker:"Doctor." The fox rested a paw on his shoulder,
Speaker:straddling him softly.
Speaker:"Why're you sitting down?"
Speaker:he asked, leaning forward to look over Collin.
Speaker:"Are they not giving you enough sleep at night?"
Speaker:"I'm not much of a dancer,"
Speaker:Blake said, and pulled back his shoulder the slightest amount.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick's touch didn't leave him.
Speaker:Instead, he squeezed him a little more and shook his head.
Speaker:"Now that's a lie if I
Speaker:ever heard one.
Speaker:A boy like you? In your shape? Not a dancer?"
Speaker:He felt the fox push him forward, but Blake didn't budge.
Speaker:"No, not really. It's not even the music I like,"
Speaker:he said, and only after did he feel like he revealed too much.
Speaker:"C'mon. Remember what we said about improving your behavior? Why don't you go out there and see if it suits you?"
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick asked,
Speaker:and added more pressure to his grip.
Speaker:Blake rolled his eyes, but gave a nod.
Speaker:He got up, the paw releasing from his shoulder,
Speaker:but as he walked past him, he felt a small pat on his lower back
Speaker:just above his tail.
Speaker:"That's a good young man.
Speaker:I'll make sure no one bothers Mr. Vasquez here.
Speaker:here." He hadn't even thought about Collin,
Speaker:but turned his head to look over his friend.
Speaker:Then he turned back to Dr. Fitzpatrick,
Speaker:who had an eye over the wolverine.
Speaker:The fox shooed his paw at him,
Speaker:urging him to go to the crowd of boys.
Speaker:Blake slowly averted his gaze away from his friend,
Speaker:not really sure if he wanted to leave him with the older man.
Speaker:Still, it felt like worlds better than staying with the doctor.
Speaker:He couldn't help but feel like maybe that was intentional.
Speaker:Like he was using his open revulsion of the fox to get him to play ball.
Speaker:It was just dancing though,
Speaker:and he could use the stretch.
Speaker:Blake turned to the group of boys standing and got behind them.
Speaker:At first, he tried mimicking the way they held their paws up.
Speaker:He swayed back and forth with them,
Speaker:their arms moving like waves in an ocean.
Speaker:It didn't feel very genuine or fun.
Speaker:Then he saw Bernard in a more active section of the dancers.
Speaker:The mouse was kicking up his feet
Speaker:and moving his arms wildly.
Speaker:There were boys dancing together,
Speaker:not close, but energetic all the same.
Speaker:Even though the music didn't seem fast enough for their speed,
Speaker:Bernard looked like he was genuinely having fun.
Speaker:He was laughing, louder than Blake had ever seen him.
Speaker:The lion boy, the one who'd gotten to the stage first,
Speaker:was dancing with him.
Speaker:They lifted their legs, touching feet as they matched one another's rhythm.
Speaker:It made him smile,
Speaker:and the pine marten's arms didn't feel quite as stiff as before.
Speaker:Then he watched Bernard step a little closer to the lion.
Speaker:There was a small wry smile on his muzzle
Speaker:as he lessened the gap between them.
Speaker:The lion was still smiling brightly
Speaker:and Blake could see their attraction clearly.
Speaker:He looked like he was gonna close the distance,
Speaker:paw already reaching forward
Speaker:just before an older man got in the way.
Speaker:It was one of the Guardian Angels that usually hung around the doors.
Speaker:The horse wedged himself between them and held out his hooves,
Speaker:showing them the appropriate distance they could dance together.
Speaker:Blake looked around, seeing faculty members and guardians standing all around them in the shadows,
Speaker:watching them intently.
Speaker:The stallion walked off, having done his part.
Speaker:Blake saw how quickly the lion's muzzle shifted into a frown.
Speaker:Both boys stopped dancing,
Speaker:Bernard seeming stunned.
Speaker:Then the other boy turned his back on him
Speaker:and walked away with his muzzle ducked towards his chest.
Speaker:The mouse just stood there a second before lifting his head and looking around to see if anyone else noticed.
Speaker:Blake had to turn his focus back to the screen quickly, sparing his friend the embarrassment of being seen.
Speaker:He only watched it for a second before realizing he wasn't having any fun.
Speaker:The pine marten threw his arms down
Speaker:and stormed back towards where he was sitting.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick was still at his seat,
Speaker:watching him through those sharp vulpine slits.
Speaker:"Finished already?"
Speaker:he asked over the music.
Speaker:Blake nodded and pointed a finger at Collin.
Speaker:"Yeah, I think both of us should head to bed,"
Speaker:he said, and the fox stood up from his seat.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick walked towards the double doors and Blake shook the wolverine awake.
Speaker:He was groggy getting up,
Speaker:mumbling some nonsense, but getting to his feet all the same.
Speaker:They both got to the entrance and the fox was already unlocking the doors with a set of keys and opening it up for them.
Speaker:With his arm held out politely for them to leave,
Speaker:he added one last thing.
Speaker:"Don't stray," Dr. Fitzpatrick said with that same soft voice, before including,
Speaker:"And remember: God Loves You.
Speaker:You." The walk to the dorms was short,
Speaker:and Blake could swear the Christian Rock music was still ringing in his ears.
Speaker:Collin waved goodbye as he got to his own room,
Speaker:ducking inside wearily.
Speaker:His room wasn't far from it and when he got inside, he immediately dropped on his bed.
Speaker:Sleep came shortly after.
Speaker:He didn't even hear when Bernard came in.
Speaker:The weekends weren't much different than the weekdays.
Speaker:They were allowed to sleep in a little later,
Speaker:but there were always activities that they were forced to participate in.
Speaker:It was mostly masculine related sports or classes on how to keep your shoulders straight.
Speaker:Collin opted to work with the weights
Speaker:while Bernard stuck to soccer,
Speaker:mostly because he could just stand on one end of the field without joining in.
Speaker:Blake instead played football or whatever passed for it.
Speaker:The school didn't have any protective gear,
Speaker:so the game was just throwing the ball into a group of boys fighting to catch it.
Speaker:He liked that the most because it allowed him to run.
Speaker:Not too far though.
Speaker:The fifteen foot high fences kept the field pretty tight.
Speaker:He missed Track and Field and this was the closest thing to it.
Speaker:All the boys would line up in a row and sprint while one of the gym instructors would throw the football high into the air.
Speaker:The pine marten was faster than most of the boys and if the instructor threw it out
Speaker:far, then he would usually be the one to catch it first.
Speaker:They did that for about an hour before a buzzer went off,
Speaker:alerting everyone it was time for lunch.
Speaker:He headed inside, but when he got to his spot in the cafeteria,
Speaker:Bernard was missing.
Speaker:Blake waited for the mouse, preferring to eat with his friends.
Speaker:Collin didn't have any hesitation,
Speaker:digging into his own meal.
Speaker:After fifteen minutes of waiting,
Speaker:he too finished his food before his noodles could get cold.
Speaker:Blake was beginning to worry when he never showed up for lunch.
Speaker:Collin asked about it, but he assured the wolverine that he might've been called in to talk with his parents over the phone
Speaker:or was having lunch with the faculty.
Speaker:As soon as he finished his food though,
Speaker:he quickly excused himself back to his room.
Speaker:Sitting on his bed was the mouse with his head between his knees.
Speaker:"Bernard?" Blake asked, closing the door behind him quickly.
Speaker:"You missed lunch, buddy. What's up?"
Speaker:The mouse lifted his head,
Speaker:and he could see his lip was swollen.
Speaker:There was a dark circle around his eye.
Speaker:He was still in the middle of sobbing, and wiped his nose against his arm.
Speaker:Blake moved in quickly, wrapping an arm over his shoulder.
Speaker:"What happened? Was it one of the guardians?
Speaker:Did you try to run?"
Speaker:Bernard took a wet snort in, shaking his head.
Speaker:"No. Some assholes—,"
Speaker:he paused to wipe away some bloody mucus from his nose.
Speaker:"Some assholes jumped me in the fucking bathroom.
Speaker:bathroom." Blake felt anger rising up from within himself
Speaker:and his claws unsheathed and retracted with his sharpening breath.
Speaker:"Who was it?" he asked, unable to hide the growl growing in his throat.
Speaker:The mouse turned his head up towards him, but he couldn't look Blake in the eye.
Speaker:"Just some guy I danced with last night and his friends.
Speaker:I guess they didn't like my style,"
Speaker:he said, forcing out a laugh that the pine marten didn't join with.
Speaker:Blake gave a quick nod.
Speaker:"Alright. I'll tell Collin and we—"
Speaker:"No!" Bernard hissed quickly.
Speaker:He pulled back from the pine marten, shaking his head back and forth quickly.
Speaker:"If he finds out, he'll go fucking ballistic.
Speaker:That's why I didn't go to lunch.
Speaker:You can't tell him, please,"
Speaker:he practically begged.
Speaker:"Okay, okay," Blake said over his pleas.
Speaker:"Well, we have to tell someone. It's not right.
Speaker:Maybe we can talk to the principal or Dr. Fitzpatrick.
Speaker:Fitzpatrick." Again, Bernard shook his head.
Speaker:"They're not gonna care.
Speaker:The guardians and teachers aren't here to keep us safe.
Speaker:They're here to keep us caged.
Speaker:They want us to fight each other;
Speaker:to correct each other,"
Speaker:he said, tears already welling at the sides of his eyes.
Speaker:He took a sharp inhale, pursing his lips before breaking down again, falling into the pine marten's chest.
Speaker:"I just wanna go home.
Speaker:home." Blake stroked at his back, holding him close.
Speaker:He let him cry into his shirt, not moving as he let it all out.
Speaker:He didn't interrupt him; didn't say a thing.
Speaker:But in his mind, he knew one thing for certain.
Speaker:They needed to get out of here.
Speaker:When Bernard had got it all out of his system, Blake helped him clean up.
Speaker:There wasn't much they could do for his eye,
Speaker:but they washed off the drying blood from his nose and muzzle.
Speaker:He got him a rag with cold water to put on his lip
Speaker:to help with the swelling.
Speaker:It didn't seem like much,
Speaker:and Collin had a lot of questions about it at dinner.
Speaker:They made up a story about how he tripped playing soccer
Speaker:and the wolverine seemed to believe it.
Speaker:That, or he just pretended to, and understood not to press it any further.
Speaker:Blake could understand where Bernard was coming from.
Speaker:Collin's eyes seemed to gaze around the cafeteria,
Speaker:like he was picking out who might've been responsible.
Speaker:On Sunday at night, Blake took it upon himself to pay a visit to Dr. Fitzpatrick.
Speaker:He dreaded seeing the fox, but he knew that he would be available.
Speaker:It always seemed like he was nearby,
Speaker:probably living close if not directly in the school.
Speaker:Sure enough, when he knocked on the door to his office,
Speaker:it opened to a blue argyle sweater vest.
Speaker:"Mr. Fuller?" Dr. Fitzpatrick said,
Speaker:pointed ears perked.
Speaker:"Why, has two weeks gone by already?"
Speaker:Blake held up the papers that he was handed earlier in the week, flapping them around once.
Speaker:His gaze was intense and he did so purposefully.
Speaker:"Your studies. They're old and I have nothing to cross-reference them,"
Speaker:he said and then flipped through them, pointing at the highlighted title.
Speaker:"This one is just an opinion piece from a source I'm not familiar with.
Speaker:And this one's missing most of it.
Speaker:I can tell you didn't give me the full thing.
Speaker:thing." Dr. Fitzpatrick had a cool small calm smile at the start,
Speaker:but when he saw the papers,
Speaker:it shifted ever so slightly. Blake caught what he assumed was surprise on his face.
Speaker:"Come in," he muttered,
Speaker:and stepped aside.
Speaker:Blake eagerly took the seat,
Speaker:already speaking before the fox could even sit down.
Speaker:They went over the studies for the most part,
Speaker:the pine marten waving away any pleasantries Dr. Fitzpatrick tried to interject.
Speaker:After a half hour, the vulpine was leaning back in his chair,
Speaker:but strained to maintain eye-contact.
Speaker:Which was good, because he wanted to exhaust him.
Speaker:"I want access to the internet,"
Speaker:Blake said, finally getting to the whole reason why he came to see him.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick's muzzle opened,
Speaker:like he had a surefire No waiting on his tongue.
Speaker:It stuck there, maw open for half a second before he closed it.
Speaker:Then a smile split from one side of his face to the other.
Speaker:"You know, I always did have an affinity towards bright students like you.
Speaker:It's a weakness, for sure,"
Speaker:he said, vulpine slits boring into his own eyes.
Speaker:Stoic, Blake kept his face placid, not giving away anything underneath.
Speaker:He couldn't let his lips twitch even the slightest bit.
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick grabbed the stack between his fingers, pulling them towards himself and glancing down at them.
Speaker:"It seems like maybe I have my own research to do.
Speaker:Why don't I look up some resources
Speaker:—" The pine marten's muzzle cracked for only a second before he interjected,
Speaker:"You said it yourself. You wanted me to do my own research, so that's what I'm doing.
Speaker:doing." He paused, and then he forced up a sly smile.
Speaker:"Or are you afraid I might find answers you might not like.
Speaker:like." Dr. Fitzpatrick's eyes squinted, but his smile never faded.
Speaker:Instead, the tip of a tongue wrapped around the gap of his lips. He let out a hmph of a laugh and shrugged his shoulders.
Speaker:"You know why I like young men like you, Mr. Fuller?"
Speaker:"I'm sure it's for the challenge,"
Speaker:he replied back half interested in an answer.
Speaker:The fox got out of his seat, walking thoughtfully towards the row of pictures on the shelf.
Speaker:He picked up the smallest one, and Blake knew it was the small vulpine at the end.
Speaker:His thumb rubbed at the corners of the frame as he stared into it.
Speaker:Then he turned and waved the image softly in front of him.
Speaker:"You remind me of my younger self.
Speaker:So intelligent. No trouble.
Speaker:A perfect role model of a student,"
Speaker:he said with a pleasant sigh.
Speaker:"He was very much like you. Someone the other young men could look up to.
Speaker:I admire that." Blake's brow rose, not really sure what the fox was getting at.
Speaker:He wanted to sarcastically ask him to get to his point,
Speaker:but held it between his teeth.
Speaker:"I'm glad you think so,"
Speaker:he said as diplomatically as he could.
Speaker:A bright light shown behind Dr. Fitzpatrick's eyes and he began to understand what the fox was telling him.
Speaker:"You can do your research. An hour a day in the computer lab after classes,
Speaker:but I expect you to keep anything to yourself.
Speaker:Until we review it, of course.
Speaker:We'll talk about it in two weeks, when I see you again.
Speaker:again." Blake had to fight to keep his muzzle from twisting.
Speaker:Instead, he hid a gulp in his throat and nodded his head.
Speaker:The fox placed the picture back on the shelf,
Speaker:and then walked to his
Speaker:desk. He pulled open a drawer, scribbling on a slip before placing it on the top of the stack
Speaker:and pushed the papers towards him.
Speaker:"Thank you," the pine marten said, pulling them into his lap.
Speaker:He rose from his seat, the fox already unlocking the door behind him.
Speaker:As he left, Dr. Fitzpatrick added,
Speaker:"Remember, Mr. Fuller.
Speaker:Perfect role model.
Speaker:model." Blake stopped, turned to face him and bowed his head.
Speaker:His paw landed on the boy's shoulder and he said,
Speaker:"I knew you'd be one of the good ones.
Speaker:God loves you." An image of Blake spitting in the fox's face burned into his mind.
Speaker:It felt so real, his muzzle filled with saliva,
Speaker:like he was just shy of actually doing it.
Speaker:He only gave a nod,
Speaker:turning away before the doctor could see
Speaker:him gulp it all down into his stomach.
Speaker:There were slight dimples in the papers
Speaker:where his claws flexed.
Speaker:Blake didn't return back to his dorm immediately.
Speaker:Instead, he took a long windy path through the school to find the computer lab.
Speaker:To no surprise, he was stopped by a Guardian Angel who began to interrogate him.
Speaker:The pine marten held the slip under his nose and explained that he was just lost.
Speaker:He knew where it was,
Speaker:but memorized the layout like a maze,
Speaker:and the husky didn't ask anymore questions.
Speaker:"Hey, wake up," Blake said, shaking the mouse's arm back and forth.
Speaker:Bernard stirred from his sleep slowly,
Speaker:and then let out a squeak as he realized the pine marten had climbed up the bunk.
Speaker:Blake was hunched over him,
Speaker:staring down as the other boy stared up.
Speaker:He had to hold a paw to the mouse's muzzle, keeping him from making any more noises.
Speaker:There was a small struggle, like he was still middream and running away from some monsters.
Speaker:Blake just put a finger to his lips and waited until the mouse calmed down.
Speaker:Then, he brought himself down, spooning him on the side of the bed.
Speaker:He rested his muzzle against his ear
Speaker:and wrapped his arms around him.
Speaker:Bernard's body slowly lost tension until finally his breathing became normal.
Speaker:"I didn't mean to startle you,"
Speaker:he opened, keeping his voice to the softest whisper he could manage.
Speaker:"Listen. I think I have a plan to get us out of here.
Speaker:here." At that, the mouse fidgeted,
Speaker:like he was trying to turn around but couldn't with Blake holding onto him.
Speaker:He wriggled his shoulders, but ultimately stayed put.
Speaker:"You'll get in trouble,"
Speaker:Bernard said, obviously distressed.
Speaker:His voice was a little too loud for Blake, and the pine marten had to shush in his ear. "Shh.
Speaker:It'll be fine, but I can't do this alone.
Speaker:alone." They laid there for a while.
Speaker:He knew Bernard would need time to think about it,
Speaker:and he gave him that. It was also just nice,
Speaker:cradling the other boy inside his arms.
Speaker:He'd never done it before,
Speaker:even when he was free.
Speaker:The warmth between them
Speaker:was nice, and he relished the sensation of the mouse's body moving up and down with each breath.
Speaker:This was what they were fighting for chance of having.
Speaker:"You can't do this alone?"
Speaker:he asked, voice more certain than before.
Speaker:"I need you. The next time you're in the faculty lounge, you have to memorize any assembly, fire drill,
Speaker:anything that'll be unexpected.
Speaker:Somewhere we can blend in with the crowd.
Speaker:I'll take care of the rest,"
Speaker:he whispered. Again there was silence and
Speaker:again, Blake didn't push for an immediate response.
Speaker:Bernard pushed back into him,
Speaker:and he adjusted himself to it.
Speaker:He lifted his leg, squeezing his footpaw between the mouse's.
Speaker:Blake wasn't sure if he liked him that way,
Speaker:but neither boy seemed uncomfortable.
Speaker:The fur in the rodent's ear tickled against his whiskers.
Speaker:Finally, with a long sigh, Bernard asked, "We won't
Speaker:get caught?" Blake shook his head in a small motion.
Speaker:"We have to try. Don't write anything down. Just memorize the calendar.
Speaker:Can you do that for me?"
Speaker:The mouse gave a nod and an okay. Blake was ready to move back to the lower bunk, but Bernard stopped him.
Speaker:"Wait," Blake froze,
Speaker:arm already lifted. He stopped, not pulling away any further until the mouse asked,
Speaker:"Can we do this…just
Speaker:a little longer?"
Speaker:They did, Blake risking getting caught during the morning inspection.
Speaker:He stayed with him until he was sure Bernard was asleep.
Speaker:Then he carefully pulled himself off,
Speaker:climbing down sometime a few hours afterwards.
Speaker:Admittingly, he was a little groggy during breakfast,
Speaker:but he wouldn't trade anything for the chance to hold another boy like that again.
Speaker:Blake didn't tell Collin of the plan until he was sure that he had something put together.
Speaker:When he was allowed to use the internet,
Speaker:he spent most of it doing what he was supposed to do.
Speaker:The rabbit lab technician
Speaker:kept an eye on all the student's using the computers,
Speaker:but she didn't seem like she was very familiar with them herself.
Speaker:Blake tested her, probing her with questions like he didn't know what he was doing.
Speaker:Her answers were like she was discovering the computerers with him,
Speaker:tic-tacing away at the keyboard with two claws at a time.
Speaker:She only seemed proud of herself when he asked about the printer, memorizing the command and showing him how to perform it with some confidence.
Speaker:He thanked her and smiled, though it was certainly not for the rabbit. It took
Speaker:three days before Bernard could get the information he needed.
Speaker:That night, the mouse snuck into Blake's bed,
Speaker:waking him up deep into the night.
Speaker:"On the sixth, there's a fire drill
Speaker:just before first period ends,"
Speaker:the mouse whispered,
Speaker:crawled up behind
Speaker:him. This time time around, he took the role of big spoon and was resting his head on the pine marten's neck.
Speaker:Blake relaxed his shoulders, sliding himself back against the other boy.
Speaker:Bernard let out a small coo, stiffening up a little at the motion.
Speaker:"Is that what you were doing at lunch?"
Speaker:There was a devious little chuckle from the mouse that made Blake smile.
Speaker:"Yeah. I got a bad grade on an essay in English
Speaker:and told the teacher I wanted to go over it with him at lunch.
Speaker:We ate in the faculty lounge and I pretended to forget my wallet.
Speaker:They didn't even think twice when I went back in and saw the schedule.
Speaker:schedule." Blake let out a small laugh.
Speaker:"We'll make good secret agents when we get out of here." The paws around his chest stroked him slowly back and forth
Speaker:and he relished the feeling.
Speaker:He didn't mind the touch, even if it was just his friend.
Speaker:"What about you? Have you figured out how we're gonna get out of here?"
Speaker:Blake let out a sigh, wishing that he could just enjoy the closeness they shared.
Speaker:It was important though.
Speaker:"Kinda. I've been able to look at maps between doing my research.
Speaker:The idiot at the desk doesn't even know what incognito mode is.
Speaker:It's kinda hard though.
Speaker:This place is in the middle of nowhere."
Speaker:The rubbing stopped and he could feel Bernard go tense again.
Speaker:"You wanna just run into the woods?"
Speaker:Blake shook his head at that.
Speaker:"There's a couple places.
Speaker:A few gas stations not too far from here.
Speaker:The sixth is almost two weeks away.
Speaker:We got more than enough time to plan.
Speaker:plan." Bernard nodded, but didn't respond.
Speaker:He didn't know what else to add
Speaker:and just enjoyed the embrace for a bit longer.
Speaker:Before the mouse could fall asleep, he had to shuffle his shoulders until he got the hint.
Speaker:As he got off the bed, Blake turned with
Speaker:him. He reached out a paw and the other boy took it into his.
Speaker:"We'll get out of this, I promise,"
Speaker:he said before wishing his friend a good night.
Speaker:The rest of the week,
Speaker:Blake continued to busy himself with his research.
Speaker:At Friday's worship,
Speaker:Dr. Fitzpatrick didn't have to ask him to participate.
Speaker:He went up on his own,
Speaker:Bernard staying seated with the dozed off Collin this time.
Speaker:His arms swayed back and forth and he had to force himself to move with the rhythm of the crowd.
Speaker:The smile he wore however, was completely genuine
Speaker:for the plan that was coming together.
Speaker:This was the first of two parts of
Speaker:“Run” by Dirt Coyote,
Speaker:read for you by Kergiby, a Full-Time Panther.
Speaker:Tune in next time to find out Exactly what Blake has in mind for an escape plan,
Speaker:and whether or not he and his friends are able to pull it off.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Happy Pride, and thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.