Many men feel stuck in a cycle of anger, trying to manage their emotions but never quite getting the results they want! Maybe you can relate and this feels all too familiar. Despite all the efforts you've put into managing your anger and stress, it feels like you're still caught in the same frustrating patterns, unable to break free. It's like being stuck in a loop, and it's exhausting and frustrating. But what if there's a different approach that could finally help you not just manage but actually eliminate that stress and anger for good? Dr. Mort Orman joins to share his insights on how he made this powerful shift within his life.

Dr. Mort Orman is a retired internal medicine doctor with 50 years of experience. In speaking about eliminating anger, he shares the internal causes of anger and the importance of self-awareness in managing emotions. Mort reveals the three filters of the brain and the internal causes of these emotions, he shares practical strategies for men seeking to navigate and address their experiences of anger. Men can experience the freedom of understanding their triggers and eliminating anger; fortunately, the framework Mort lays out also works for addressing other emotions as well.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Discover effective stress and anger elimination techniques for a calmer, more peaceful life.
• Uncover the internal causes of anger and gain insights into managing them successfully.
• Learn powerful strategies for managing emotional triggers and maintaining composure in challenging situations.
• Cultivate self-awareness to enhance your ability to manage anger and stress more effectively.
• Explore the numerous benefits of addressing both internal and external causes of stress for improved well-being.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:08:59 - The Three Filters of Anger

00:12:55 - Uncovering Internal Causes of Anger

00:16:19 - Identifying the Root Cause of Anger

00:20:49 - Overcoming Anger Through Perspective Shift

00:25:09 - Diffusing Anger Through Self-Reflection

00:26:14 - Understanding Triggers and Anger Control

00:34:01 - Applying Stress Elimination Methodology

00:38:55 - Developing Self-Awareness Over Time

Connect with Dr. Mort Orman

Website

http://TheAngerSolution.org

LinkedIn

http://linkedin.com/in/docorman

Facebook

http://facebook.com/docorman

Instagram

http://instagram.com/doc_orman

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Well, hello and welcome back my friend.

Uh, this week, Mort Orman joins me.

He is an internal medicine doctor and man, he has 40 years invested in helping

with not stress and anger management, but stress and anger elimination.

That's a totally different thing.

Um, you know, For me, it brings up images of having like nuclear waste

in, you know, barrels, trying to hide it, keep it under wraps more.

It's got a totally different gift for us in helping us to understand

how to eliminate that, not to have, um, you know, those triggers to be

pulled in the goats to be in the, uh, to be gotten, so to speak.

So excited to get into this one.

Um, and.

Mort, we've, we've had a great conversation just in the beginning here.

Uh, you have completely transformed your life.

And so I'm excited to jump into, you know, the journey and then the

strategies, you know, the techniques and tactics that you have changed.

Just again, management to elimination two totally different beasts.

So well Mort, let's start off.

What does life look like for you on the professional side of life?

, Mort Orman: I've been a physician for 50 years, retired now, so

I'm not in active practice.

But even when I was in practice, I had sort of a side interest in, uh, like

you say, helping people, teaching people how to eliminate anger and stress.

So I was doing that all through my professional career.

But.

You know, the bulk of my time was devoted to being a practicing physician.

And then I was 15 years in corporate.

Um, so I just retired a few years ago and now I, now I really have the time on my

hands to devote more to teaching more to prevent true preventive medicine, where

you teach people how to handle stress and how to handle anger so they don't get

as sick or they don't develop illnesses.

And that's a skill that I think most physicians wish they had,

you know, the ability to wave a magic wand and have people suddenly

not get, you know, as sick.

But, uh, many of them never developed the skill sets that actually, nor do they

have the time when they're in practice to really work with people on those skills.

But now that I'm freed up from all that professional responsibility, I, Really,

that's what I'm interested in doing my third career, basically, is my retirement

career, uh, is just helping people be healthy and well, which is what I've

always wanted to do as a doctor anyway.

So it fits perfectly for me.

So I've been doing a lot of writing over the years.

I've been doing a lot of speaking, teaching, um, and putting stuff

online that people can access.

And that's just what I do all the time now, but I'm freed up, you

know, with more time to do it now.

So it's great.

And when you say a lot of writing, let's, let's

just give a little insight.

You've written 23 books Mort.

I mean, that is a lot of writing

and I've collaborated, collaborated on 11 more.

So the total's up to like 34 now.

How much of that has been like pre retirement

versus like retirement?

Most of it was pre retirement.

You know, I came out with my most recent book.

That's, that's really the first book that I've written in a couple years.

Um, the, the one on anger, which is 'Dr.

Orman's Life Changing Anger Cure'.

And that's, um, that's where the, some of the things we'll talk about

today that I talk about in greater detail in the book, but that's the

first book I've written in retirement.

And, um, I almost wasn't, I mean, I wasn't planning to write it.

It's just that the way things evolved in my career, I've been doing this

anger work for the last, uh, focusing on it for the last couple of years.

I've been doing it for 40 years with other stuff, but now

focusing on the anger piece.

And I felt that I needed to get that out there in a bigger way,

because just working one on one with a handful of people, yeah, you're

not gonna make a dent in the anger.

Problem in the world today that we see, you know, you turn on your

television, you scroll social media, you just see nothing, not nothing,

but, but you see a lot of angry people who can't control their emotions.

And, uh, that's a problem.

And, and I think it's not necessary.

We all, we all have the ability, really.

To master our emotions, to control our emotions.

We just don't know that we have it.

I know when I was in my angry phase in my twenties and thirties, when I had lots of

anger, going through medical training and starting out in practice, I used to get

angry at my patients all the time, get angry at my parents, at my girlfriend,

girlfriends that ruined every relationship that I had, partly because of anger.

Um, when I was in that angry phase, uh, I really didn't understand

what the heck was going on.

I didn't understand where my anger was coming from.

I didn't understand what was going on within me.

You know, I was all focused on, you know, what other people were doing

and what I didn't like about what they were doing and, you know, how

awful it was what they were doing.

And everything was focused outside of me.

And I never really got any awareness of, well, how am I generating the anger?

How is my brain generating the anger inside of me?

It's like, that was like a blind spot.

You know, and it kept me from being able to do anything about it because it wasn't

until I was able to figure that out and understand that process that, oh, now

I see how my brain is generating anger.

I can now do something to to check that or to, um, undo what it's trying to do to me.

So people, most people don't know when we're angry.

And we have other negative emotions.

Our brain is playing tricks on us that, and it's hiding the fact

from us that it's doing that.

What do you mean by like, our, our brain

is trying to hide that from us?

Uh, well, what's interesting is conscious or conscious thing or.

Well, what's interesting is that we, our brains are constantly

filtering everything, so we never see the world as it actually happens.

We never see reality as it actually is, or events as they actually take place.

Our brain is, there's so much information coming in through our senses, the

brain can't handle it all and process it all and present it all to us.

So it has to kind of chunk it down.

This has been doing this for millions of years.

It has to kind of chunk it down and decide what's important, what's

not important and cut this out and, and focus on and highlight this.

So it gives us a, a, a digested filtered view of reality

all the time for everything.

We have many different filters, you know, with some we get from our culture,

some we get from our religion, some we get from our family, our friends.

Uh, or our life experiences.

I mean, you get bit by a dog when you're three years old, you're

going to have a dog filter now.

Every dog is going to be, Oh my God, it's going to bite me.

And you know, if you didn't have that experience as a young child, you may not

be threatened by dogs when you see them.

So we all have these filters.

And what I didn't realize was that anger and other emotions come from

several specific filters, the way our brain is telling us what's

true or what's, what's happening.

But remember, it's all filtered, so it's never the whole story.

It's only, it's only parts of, it's like the news media.

You know, they're not giving you the whole story, they're only giving you whatever

parts of it they think is important from their perspective to give you.

So you're never getting the news, you're getting the filtered version

of the news, regardless of what, you Media sources you you look

they're all doing they have to do it.

There's just too much news They can't they and it for any story.

There's too many aspects to a story.

They have to say Well, this is the important piece and this is not

the important So they're constantly highlighting things and leaving things

out so that our brain is doing then that's what I mean by it's tricking us

It's making us think that we've got the whole picture Of whatever's going on,

when usually we don't, usually we've been blinded by the, the biases, the

predispositions, the conditioning, the way our brains work to make us see things

and believe things that may be partially true or maybe not true in some cases.

So a lot of, if you understand the filters that cause anger, which

I'm happy to share with you and your audience are very simple.

And they're really powerful.

And I didn't, I was never taught any of this in my medical training.

I was even dabbling in psychology after I got out of medical training.

I, nobody taught me that there's three filters that cause anger

and here's what they are.

I know the three filters.

I know how to dig in and decide, figure out what's true and

what's not true about them.

And I can make the anger go away whenever I want to.

You know, so it's a, it's a absolutely powerful, amazing skill to have.

I've been using it for 40 years.

I've been teaching it for 40 years.

It's, I can't imagine what my life would have been like the last 40 years.

If I didn't have that, that skillset, which actually translates into other.

Things more than just anger, but when you can identify the internal causes of

a problem within yourself and you get those missing puzzle pieces, in addition

to all the things you can see outside of you, now you've got the whole puzzle,

you know, you've got the whole set of pieces now you can, you've got much more

ability to, to fix things and change things because you're dealing with the

whole story instead of Having a big blind spot around how you're internally

contributing to whatever the problems is you're experiencing in your life and

that that makes all the difference in the world when you can get your hands on

the internal causes of your problem, and then you can do something about those.

Well, let's dive in deeper there.

You've talked about the three filters that really trigger anger.

What are the three and then how can we.

Um, bring about awareness when they're being set off

So we only get angry when we look at the world in

certain ways and believe that the way we're looking at it is true.

Okay, so the first filter or the way we look at it is somebody did something

bad or wrong they shouldn't have done.

So notice we, we don't get angry when we think somebody did something

great or terrific or wonderful.

It's only if we think negatively about what they did, they did

something they shouldn't have done.

Okay, and the second filter is somebody was hurt or harmed or negatively impacted.

By what was done, okay, either we were negatively impacted or somebody we care

about was negatively impacted or maybe the planet was negatively, whatever, something

we care about was negatively impacted.

And then the third filter is that whoever did the wrongdoing, we have this

unilateral blame, this very narrow blame where we only focus on the behavior

of that person and say, that's 100 percent of what caused this bad, wrong

behavior, just what that person did.

We don't see any other causes.

It's like we have blinders on.

Okay.

We're just focused on that person.

So if we played a role, we don't see it.

If some other factors played a role in that person doing that, we don't see it.

We just, we just have this narrow view and that's why I say our

brain, our brain tricks us.

It makes it look like that was the only factor involved what that person did.

Well, there could have been hundreds of things in that person's life or we may

have contributed in certain ways to what was going on and we're not, Taking those

facts into consideration so our brains tricking us into making us believe it was

just what that person did that caused the bad behavior and the consequences, you

know, the hurt and harm that came from it.

So when you look and people should really take out a piece of paper

right now and write these three things down bad and wrong shouldn't

have done it hurt and harm.

Negative impact, unilateral responsibility, or blame.

Those are the ways we're looking at things when we get angry.

If we believe those things are true, then anger is justified.

Okay?

The problem is, most of the time, our brain is tricking us, and one or more

of those three filters is not going to be true, or it's not going to be

completely true, or it's going to leave out Critically important information

that we don't see because our brains tricking us, um, and, and reducing,

you know, the, what it's showing us.

, you now have self awareness that you didn't have before.

Whenever you get angry.

Pull that card out now, you know why you're angry because you're

thinking somebody did something bad wrong They should have done somebody

was hurting or mentally impacted.

Somebody was unilaterally responsible to blame.

That's why you're angry.

You now have unearthed Taken from invisible to visible the internal

causes of how your brain is creating your anger Okay, then now that you know

how your brain's creating the anger now you can step in say well Is what

my brain is telling me and what I'm perceiving is it actually true Amazing

thing about that is 90 plus percent of the time, one or more of those

three filters is going to be faulty.

When you start the process, you don't know which of the three or how

many of the three it's going to be.

But usually the brain has tricked us and it's made us think something's true

and it's not completely true, which is fascinating because we think here's

the other big problem with anger.

So the brain tricks us.

To make us angry in the first place, it distorts the view

of what's happening, okay?

And then it creates the feeling of anger by doing that.

The feeling of anger then makes us feel like we're right,

that it's righteous anger.

So it, it, it further reinforces whatever the distortions are that

the brain gave us in the first place.

So the brain is like protecting itself.

So we don't ever investigate whether it's telling us what's true or not.

So by making us feel angry, it's kind of protecting us.

Putting a cloak around itself, because the feeling makes us feel right.

And we don't, if, when we feel right, we're not going to question

our perceptions or our beliefs about what happened because

now we feel justified, right?

So it's a double whammy.

So it's a double trick that brain plays on us.

It's kind of sinister in the way that it does it.

But if you can fight through that and you can ask yourself, um, wait a second.

Is what I'm seeing true or do I missing anything here or am I

seeing anything incorrectly here?

It's amazing.

It doesn't take long to figure out in many situations, most

situations where that happens.

So if I work through those three Mort and I'm like

looking at the three filters and I go, I'm not justified in my anger.

I could tell you Mort before, like when.

Right.

We'll just call, call that phase angry Mike.

So you had an angry Mike,

like I had an angry Morton, huh?

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

You know, it's, it's, it's one of those when, when I was in that space of being,

you know, Unhealthy and unhealed, man.

It was like Eeyore and the Hulk.

And it was one of those of Eeyore was, was the victim in things.

And I was seeing the negative aspects of what would happen and the Hulk, man, it

was, it was rage, um, You know, so when I look back at that, the challenge I

would, I would kind of see Mort is it's like, yep, I looked through the three.

Okay.

Yeah.

90%.

Okay.

It's not, you know, a justified anger.

Like you're talking about.

I'm trying, my brain is trying to insulate and protect me and sell me on

the fact that it's a justified anger.

How, when I realize that I have that self awareness, how do I then

bring that The missile back, right?

You know, it's like I've launched, I'm red,

but the anger, the anger comes from.

So firstly, it's not, it's not that 90 percent of the time

those filters are involved.

It's 100 percent of the time.

Those filters are involved, which tells you every time you're angry,

whether you know it or not, or aware of it or not, those filters have

been activated inside your brain.

Okay.

So that's why I say, if you write it down on an index card, every single

time you get angry, as long as you've died, as long as you've, you're sure

that when you're angry, you're angry.

In other words, you're not having anxiety and calling it, miscalling

it or mislabeling it anger.

It won't work for that.

But if it's, you know, if you're irritated, you're, you're annoyed,

you're, you're, um, from rage to, you know, in middle, middle

level anger, you're just angry.

As long as you know, you're angry.

Those three filters have, have caused it a hundred percent of the time.

A hundred percent.

Okay.

Now, the, the, the 90 percent comes in.

Well, well, to what percentage are one or more of these going to be false?

And it's usually 90, 95 percent of the time you're going to

find a flaw in one of them.

I, I can give you one example from my, from my relationship with my wife when,

when, We got married 40 years ago.

We just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary, which, by the way, would

never have happened had I not, had I not figured this out 40 years ago.

Fortunately, I figured it out before I met her.

And so I had gotten rid of most of my anger.

She came from a family where she didn't have much anger.

So in our relationship, we, All along we have not had a lot of anger.

We don't get in a lot of fights with each other.

Um, It's rare.

So, but in the beginning of our relationship there was this one thing,

it's like we started to get angry at each other and it was this one weird

situation that it would tend to happen.

And it would only happen when we went on a car trip somewhere for a vacation.

Like, and we wouldn't argue or fight on the way to our destination.

We wouldn't argue or fight when we were there.

It was only when we drove home.

Which made it even weirder.

So as soon as I saw this pattern after two or three times, I got to look into this.

Something's going on.

And I, you know, I had the three filters.

So I'd say, okay, usually I'd be driving.

And, and what happened is my wife would say somewhere along the way, Oh, there's

something over here I'd like to go see.

I've never seen it before.

It's only like an hour off of our path.

Let's go do that.

I would, and I, my immediate response would be, no, we're not doing that.

And then she would go like, what do you mean?

No, we're not.

And we'd start snipping at each other, you know?

And, and so I went through the filter.

So I was like, okay, let me look at the filters.

Uh, am I judging her to be doing something bad and wrong?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

You don't, when you're driving home, you do not take an hour, you know,

detour to go over to see something.

You drive directly home, you know, so that I had, I had judged her to

be doing something bad and wrong.

Okay.

And right there, When I asked myself, is she really doing something bad or wrong?

All I had to do was ask the question.

It was like 30 seconds later.

It was like, well, not technically, not really.

I mean, she's just doing it different than the way I would do it.

Or way my, and what happened was my family.

When we took car trips, we, we took the direct route home.

We didn't deviate, you know, we stopped for gas and food and bathroom breaks, but

we would never go off the beaten path.

My wife's family was completely the opposite.

You know, her and her mother and father would always take

side trips when they drove up.

So she just had a different way of doing it that was different than mine.

But I, to me, my brain told me she was wrong.

She was doing something bad and wrong that she shouldn't be doing.

Okay.

And so I, so my brain accused her of that and then considered

me to be negatively impacted.

Cause now we can't do a straight trip home.

And she was totally to blame.

I had nothing to do with it.

Of course, I was driving the car, deciding what the right way and wrong way to go.

So the whole thing, once I saw it, it was like, this is crazy.

You know, she's not really doing anything wrong.

And she just has a different way of doing it.

So from the minute I saw that, The, the, the dynamics of where the anger was coming

from, I realized it was crazy anger.

You know, it's like the truth is she just has a different way of doing it than me.

And from that moment on, we've never had this argument.

From that moment on, every time she wants to go off the beaten path,

I say, sure, honey, if that's what you want to do, let's go do it.

You know, my, it's my job as your husband to have you.

have as much joy in your life as I possibly can.

So if that makes you happy, let's go do it.

I stopped seeing it as a bad and wrong behavior, which meant there

was no more anger associated with it.

Okay.

So I didn't have to do anything or work on the anger.

I just had to change my perspective of what was true about The situation and

that immediately eliminated the anger

you can't get angry unless you're seeing it as a bad and wrong

thing that shouldn't be happening

so when you stop seeing it that way there's no more anger so it's actually

easier than we think you know you don't have to work on the anger or work on

not being angry you just have to what you have to work on is telling the

truth about the situation as compared to what your brain is telling you is true

that's the work and it's amazing how liberating that is and how empowering

that is in all of the Because it ripples through every other area of your life,

not just anger or other emotions.

I mean, there's all kinds of areas in life where what our brain is

telling us isn't really true, and it's getting us into trouble.

And if we can just recognize the differences, we can be empowered in

relationships, for example, you know, um, a lot of the ideas we have about

how to succeed in relationships aren't.

Don't work.

They actually make things worse, but we don't see that because we're focused

on, you know, what's wrong with the person we're in relationship with.

What about their bad habits and their bad, you know, we don't see that.

Oh, wait a second.

I've got these ideas about relationships and they're really crazy.

Um, and, and I wouldn't want to be treated like that, you know, if

I had to interact with somebody.

So it's not just limited to anger or other emotions because it's,

we're always battling our, our brains and our internal demons.

You know, in our internal beliefs and perceptions, which may or

may not be useful or accurate.

You know, when I came through this transition from being an angry guy

To being a guy with very little anger, I look back, I said, I

had, I had that ability all along.

I just didn't know I had it.

I didn't know what the filters were.

I didn't know what questions to ask.

I didn't know how to investigate those, those filters and figure

out what's true was not true.

But everybody has that ability.

You know, it's like, we're all, a lot of us are sitting around with the

idea that, Oh, I'm an angry person.

I guess I'm always going to be an angry person.

There's nothing I can do about it.

Not true.

You have the, that's where I actually believe that myself.

Um, and I was more surprised than anybody when I came across the

other side, it's like, hell, I didn't think that was possible.

And here I am,

I think many of us kind of almost expect, Hey, I'm, I am this way.

This is just who I am.

And this is how I'll always be.

But like you're talking about, when we get other tools, we.

You know, raise our self awareness and begin asking questions at the root cause.

Why is it this way?

Yeah, we can bring about that change.

Yeah.

Um,

and that's where a good coach, that's where a

good coaching comes into play.

If you, if you can get a good coach, cause it's hard to do this

on your own in the beginning.

You know, when you haven't had much practice doing so, you can get a good

coach that can help you see the stuff that you're not seeing help you get, uh,

some insight into the internal dynamics that are causing trouble in your life.

Then once you see it, then you go, oh, well, thank you.

Now I can now I see I can do something about this.

You know, thanks for giving me that opening my eyes to what I wasn't seeing.

And now I feel I feel more empowered.

I feel like I have more control over that internal stuff now that I see it.

Yeah, I can do something about it.

And then they're off to the races, you know,

in the clients that you've worked with and, and your experience

personally, when you go through those filters, asking those questions, when

you're already escalated or set off on that anger, does just the realization

help diffuse the anger in and of itself?

When you're angry, when you've been triggered

and it's a triggering process.

So, I mean, our brains have been conditioned.

So when you go through a self awareness program, like people through a very short

period of time, um, you've got much more awareness, but you're still the same.

He's got the same body, the same brain.

The next day, you're still going to get triggered, even though now

you have, now you have much more insight into where it's coming from.

It's still going to happen.

You can't stop it.

Um, and, but what you can do now is, but the trick is as quickly as possible.

Can you get.

Out of the anger and maybe not immediately if you're really angry, maybe you have

to wait till things settle down and then you have a chance to look at it, you

know, but to whatever degree the quicker you can get to the place where, okay,

let me, let me think about this or let me, let me look at the three filters and

let me ask the questions, which is hard to do in the middle when you're angry in

the beginning, but when you do it, yeah.

Many, many times when you, when you wait until things settle down

and you practice, okay, let me go back and look at what happened.

I got triggered.

I got angry.

I lost my cool.

I lost my control.

I wasn't thinking about this stuff.

Okay.

Now let me look at it.

Let me go.

Okay.

Yeah.

I was doing, I was thinking this way, this way, this way.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now let me, was it true that, uh, wait a second.

Maybe, maybe it's not so true.

You do that over and over again.

Okay, now you get quicker at catching yourself in the middle of getting

triggered, and you actually get to a point where you start to suspect,

based on your personal experience of having done this a hundred times,

almost every time finding that there was, uh, untruths in the filters.

Okay.

Or things that were missing in the filters.

Now the hundred, first time you get angry.

You go like, okay, I'm angry.

Uh, I must be missing something or I must've gotten something wrong,

which is a completely opposite to what most people do now.

Okay.

I'm feeling angry.

I must be right.

What I try and do, what I try and do, my longterm goal is to have people

get to the point where they get angry.

They immediately assume they're wrong about something.

They may not know what it is, but I gave him the, I gave him

the framework to go find out what it is and figure out what it is.

Okay.

But to, to assume that you're wrong rather than you're right.

When you get angry is like a huge.

Empowering move.

It's like a martial arts move on your anger immediately flips the script,

puts you in control, you know, uh, and, and, and it's, it's incredible, but

it's like people will not on their own.

Just go there.

You know, most people will not go.

I'm angry.

I'm wrong.

That's not the normal human response.

But if you can, you can train yourself to, to realize that it's actually true

for you that, you know, well, the last a hundred times I looked at it, I was wrong.

What is, what is, what is my prediction for the a hundred and first time now

that I, when I get angry, I guess I'm probably going to be wrong there too.

I don't know what it's going to, I don't know how it's going to be,

but I'm curious to find out how did my brain trick me this time.

That's the kind of game that becomes, you know, um, But it's amazing how, how

that changes your life when you, when you start looking at it that way, it also

tells you why there's so little people have so little control over their anger

in the world today, when you see it all around because they're not understanding

and we haven't been educating people about how anger gets generated inside our

brains and, and, and how their brains are tricking us when we're, we're not, We're

not telling people that we're telling them the opposite, you know, and if you

look at the media, the media absolutely knows how to generate anger in large

numbers, large populations of people.

They do it by following the three filter formula.

They tell us stories that people are doing bad, wrong stuff.

They're hurting and harming things that we care about, and they're a

hundred percent responsible to blame.

There's no other causes involved.

You can forget about that.

Just focus on that.

That's what the media does all day long on both sides.

Okay.

They, they know how the human brain generates anger, that their goal is

to get people worked up emotionally.

They do the same thing with anxiety as well.

They know how to create anxiety through the filters of anxiety.

They know, they know how the human mind works because that's their business.

They're feeding narratives into the, into human beings and trying to get

an emotional response out of them.

And they know how to hit the jackpot when they want to hit the jackpot.

Yeah.

If that's where your attention and, and money is coming, I mean,

you're going to be dialed into that.

Mort as, I'm sitting here thinking about, okay, if I'm seeing myself the

last hundred times, I've looked at this situation and I've been in the wrong,

you know, and I'm seeing that pattern like you talked about when you were on

the drive with your wife, do you see that there are underlying beliefs that we

have that are false that we then need to address and change and bring about a truth

that changes the way we then perceive things down the line in future instances.

Yeah, all that stuff is going to come up.

All the bad beliefs and false beliefs and bad philosophies

about life are going to come up.

That, that, when you start investigating the truthfulness of the filters, you

gotta, you gotta start interacting with that stuff, you know, uh,

well, why do I believe this is true?

Why do I believe so strongly it's true?

Well, do I have a belief that's, that's making me, you know, stick to

that conviction and go, Oh yeah, I do.

You know, well, let me start looking at that belief now, which maybe

you've never bothered to do before.

You never were prompted to do before, but when you start looking at it, a lot

of times, I mean, it happens for all of us in the normal process of life.

If we believe, you know, we believe something very strongly and then.

10 years later, you know, we've, we flipped our belief or we have a

completely different belief now because things have happened that made us

question the validity of our beliefs.

So it happens all the time, you know, um, but it tells you, we got a lot of

faulty beliefs running around in our brain that are causing mischief in our lives.

And then we probably, and we also obviously have a lot of good ones

because that's how we function.

And I mean, I've got a, I've got a lot of beliefs as a doctor.

I spent seven years.

Filling my brain with beliefs about how to help, you know, how illness happens

and how you treat it and how you cure it and when you can and all that stuff.

Now, are all those beliefs true?

No, some of them are.

Some of them are faulty.

You know, a bunch of them are pretty good, you know, and we keep finding out that

finding out that which ones are wrong.

And and.

Replace it with a better understandings and stuff like that way.

So we get better over time, but it's a process basically of, you know, you get

best collect the best beliefs you can at the moment you, you, you act on them

and you, you hopefully you're looking to see whether they're working or not.

And then you make adjustments corrections if you have to.

So as we've talked about, Okay.

uh, anger elimination, right?

And these being the three filters on the side of stress elimination, is it

the same three filters or are there even filters or are they different?

Well, the process, the process is the same.

The way, the way you eliminate stress, okay, it's first you realize

that stress It's just a buzzword.

It, it, the, there is a stress response in the body, but this is true.

But, um, stress itself is a, is a buzzword.

And what it, what, what we use the word stress for is problems.

So when we say we're having stress, we're having various problems that are bothering

us, stirring up our physiology, causing conflicts in our relationships, causing

financial this or that, or whatever.

We're having various problems.

So.

The first thing to realize is you've stopped thinking about stress.

You can't deal with stress.

Figure out the problems you're having when you use the word stress.

Now you've got a set of problems.

You don't have this basket of things called stress where you

can't figure out one from another.

They're just lump them all together called stress.

And then you're talking about the symptoms.

Okay, let's break that apart and say, okay, what are the problems?

Am I having, is anger one of my problems?

Is anxiety one of my problems?

Am I feeling guilty?

Am I having a relationship conflict or a problem with my kids or a health problem?

Or, you know, I just lost my job or somebody close to me died or,

you know, you got a whole range of Thousands of different problems.

But you take the, you open up the basket called stress, you lay out

the problems, and then for each problem, you want to figure out

what are the causes of that problem.

And there are always going to be two sets of causes.

There are going to be the obvious ones, most of which are external, and then

there are going to be the internal causes, which normally we don't see.

We don't know, we don't even know what they are, okay?

But they're definitely internal causes.

So, what we did with that, so, I took this stress model, this generic stress model

to find the problem, identify the causes, both internal and external, and then deal

with the causes, particularly the internal ones where you have much more personal,

Influence and power over, then you change in other people's behavior and all that,

which is hard, sometimes impossible.

So it's the same model is define the problem, identify the causes and make

sure you get both internal and external.

And then once you have the causes, deal with, deal with the causes.

We did that with anger.

Anger is a specific subcategory of stress, of stress.

Okay.

It's a problem.

Um, let's, let's identify the causes.

Okay.

Now we have the external, all the external things you see that we all see.

And now you got the three filters as the internal causes.

Okay.

Now you've got the picture, right?

Now go, now you can go to work on those internal causes and see what you can do

to figure out where they're not true.

So I applied the stress elimination technology or methodology to And you

can do this to any specific problem.

So let's say you're having marital problems in your relationship.

Okay.

And it's about to fall apart or it's not going well.

Okay, that's a problem.

Now, what are the causes?

Well, there's all these things that my partner does and yeah.

Now, how about you on your side on your scorecard?

What are all the things that you're doing?

How are you?

Looking at relationships, dealing with relationships, have you

taken those into consideration?

Well, no.

Well, you better do that.

If you want to solve the problem, you better, you better focus

there because that's where, that's where you have the most power.

And then once you do and you start to identify where specifically you're

causing trouble in the relationship that doesn't have to be there,

you can step in and change that.

And then the relationship can heal and can get better and can stop the

downward spiral, but it doesn't happen until you identify the internal causes.

So this, this same model for stress elimination can be

applied to any problem in life.

It's what we do when we take our car into the mechanic.

You know, if the car starts, you know, not functioning properly and

the mechanic runs through whatever their diagnostic Things are to figure

out what the underlying causes and they fix it give us our car back.

Thank you It's the same I mean people been using this model since the dawn

of human civilization We just we just the data find the problem to

find the causes deal with the causes.

We just don't We have, everybody's in stress management mindset, manage your

symptoms, punch a punching bag, run five miles, you know, listen to soft music.

None of that's getting at, you know, how are you internally causing your

stress or your anger or whatever problem you're having in life.

That's, that's the shift that needs to happen there.

Another thing, we're not teaching people.

They should be learning in middle school, high school, You shouldn't, you shouldn't

be allowed to graduate college without understanding the internal causes of your

emotions and your relationship breakdowns that are going to happen and stuff.

You shouldn't be allowed to do that because the whole idea of

education is to prepare you for life.

And, and we're not preparing people for the nitty gritty of life.

We're filling their heads with a bunch of, you know, Information but we're not

teaching them how to be happy and stress free and have good relationships and

not be angry people and all the stuff that would be great if we would start

teaching people which is what i'm trying to stimulate you know to get more of that

into you know the educational curriculum either homeschooling or private and

public schooling we should be introducing these kinds of teaching programs.

So.

When you look at, um, like with your clients, right?

You're walking them through the program.

Self awareness is something that isn't really, um, practiced or exercised,

you know, consistently by many people.

And then you talked about like awareness of emotions, like the root causes.

Is there anything else beyond those two that you see that are challenges for

clients when they start, uh, working to do anger elimination and just kind of have

that, that, that calm, that even keel.

Is there anything else that, uh, muscle we need to flex?

Well, no, it's the same muscle, you just have to do it

enough, you have to do it over time, because again, your, your body's

been conditioned, and you don't change that conditioning overnight.

You get, you can get great insights into what's going on, it's not going to change

the fact you get triggered, your brain continues to see things a certain way,

and continues to tell you what's true in the way that it's used to doing, okay?

Um, so, it's not going to happen overnight, but over time The more you

do this work, you're actually generating new brain pathways in your brain.

You know, as you see things differently, you look at things

differently, you question things.

It's all registering inside the brain.

And over a period of time, you'll, you can get to the point, like I did, it

took me like 12 to 18 months in the beginning when I first started doing

this, where I got to the point where, oh, I'm not getting triggered anymore.

As much anymore as I used to, like my automatic reaction now has been altered.

My brain has been literally altered by this work that I've

done over the last 12 to 18 months.

Uh, and I'm starting to see things differently and I'm starting to understand

anger differently and I'm starting to You know, be more suspicious of what's going

on, but it takes time for that to evolve.

And it takes time for the changes to happen in our brain and our body.

So it's, it's a definite, it's definitely a great goal to have to go.

I want to get to the place where I'm not reacting anymore.

I'm not reacting as, you know, intensely, you know, and as out of

control as I, as, as I tend to do when I get angry, that's a great goal.

Don't expect it to happen overnight.

You're going to have to, Put some work in, you know, it's like anything

you're building a muscle, you know, so, or, or building parts of your

body, uh, it takes, it takes time.

So there, there really is when I, so I have this 10 session program that I

can literally transform people in terms of, you know, that take people who are

very angry all their lives, never been exposed to any of this information

and put them in a 10 session program.

They come out at the end, they're like.

Completely different people as far as anger is concerned.

They're just not getting angry as much.

They know where their anger is coming from.

I only take the first two sessions to teach them the framework and there's

other pieces that we didn't have time to go into today that are not that much, but

the main thing is those three filters.

But so I teach them that model in the first two sessions.

All we do.

In the other eight sessions is I, I, I keep asking them, give me examples

of when you got angry recently in the past, let's work on, let's work on them

and take them through this model and say, Oh yeah, I got was angry at my

sister five years ago because she did.

Okay, good.

Where do you think, look at the three filters where you think in

this, this is a, Oh yeah, I was okay.

Now let's dig in.

You know, what's the truth about this from that situation?

And we do.

So each session of those remaining eight sessions, we do maybe three or four.

Okay.

examples from their own life.

These are not my examples.

These are you tell me when you got angry and we'll work through it together.

Okay.

And, and you let's do the deep dive into what's true and what's not true.

And then I help them see what's true and what's not true.

Because a lot of times in the beginning they haven't flexed that muscle.

Too much.

Okay.

But by the end of eight sessions of that, you know, eight times three is 24,

20, you know, 20 to 30 times you get to parse your own anger examples and see

where you were, your filters were faulty.

By the end of that, you, you have some competence now you have some,

and some self confidence too, that you know, well, I could do this, you

know, because I've, I've seen that I, it, A, I've seen that it works.

It helps me reduce my anger when I do it.

And B, I see that I have the ability to do it.

It's not that difficult.

I just, it's just a different orientation I haven't been used to.

Okay.

And, and, you know, thank you coach for helping me see, see that

it's literally, it's like teaching somebody to hit a curve ball.

I mean, it's, it's just, it's a skill, something they don't know how to

do and you show them how to do it.

There's a trick to it or this or that.

And then, oh, thanks.

And now I can hit a curve ball, you know?

So, um, Yeah.

And so that's, but that's, there's nothing fancier that's going on.

Now I am imparting some life wisdom to help them see what's

true and what's not true.

So there's a lot of that that goes on.

And I share a bunch of that in the book.

I really, I really wrote the book to take people so they don't have

to go through that 10 session program if they don't want to.

Okay.

You literally take the book, Dr.

Orman's life changing anger cure, and Everything I teach in that

10 session program is in there.

The only thing I can't do is, you know, you got, you got angry at

aunt Sally, you know, five years ago because she did X, Y, and Z.

I can't work with you on that specific example, but I give you

plenty of examples to show you how you could work through that yourself.

So there's a lot of power in that book that you can take it as a blueprint and

you can literally use it to practice these skills that we're talking about.

And then over time you'll get better and better and better.

Yeah.

It sounds like patience and persistence are key, you know, bringing about

that self awareness going through the filters and then just being

patient with yourself and the process.

Um, but anytime you're getting triggered, getting, you know, angry,

just running it through and, and seeing like, okay, is there a pattern?

What do I need to, uh, you know, do?

You know, stay humble and, and is this true?

This is not the only model, the only framework

for understanding emotions.

I mean, there's different experts around.

Tony Robbins has a different one, different people have different ones.

So I'm not saying this is, this is all there is.

I'm just saying, this is, there are multiple ways you can look at emotions.

This is one way that is very, very useful and very powerful.

It doesn't have to be a.

100 percent covers everything about emotions.

But if you look at it just from that simplistic three filter framework,

which almost anybody can eventually memorize what what those three

filters are, so you don't even need the index card after a while.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

More.

Outside of this podcast, how can folks get in touch with you and,

and dive deeper into the anger elimination that you've laid out here?

Yeah, well, I've got a, a handout, um, called the best anger

elimination method you can find.

And it talks about anger, a little bit about anger, and it talks

about the 10 session program.

And at the very end, it talks a little bit about the book that

I recently released on Amazon.

Um, about the 10 session program.

So you can, people can get that for free by going to theangersolution.

org, O R G, theangersolution.

org.

They can download that and that'll get them on my email list so they can

email, communicate with me by email.

I pick a topic every week on stress or anger and I break it down

into three pieces and I deliver it on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

So if you understand how anger works really, really deeply, then all you have

to do is find somebody to teach you the other filters for the other emotions.

And you can do the same thing with anger.

As long as you know what the internal causes are, then you can start digging

into them and seeing where they're true and where they're not true.

So.

Well, Mort, I appreciate you joining me, sharing.

All that you have on, you know, the triggers of anger, self

awareness, and then being persistent and I appreciate you joining me.

Thank you very much.

My friend.

Thanks for having me.

Mike.