“My heart dropped.” We all know this feeling. And yet, we are aware that, even in those moments where it feels like our heart is in our stomach or leaping out of our chest, our physical heart hasn’t moved. So what causes these wild feelings and why do we label them in this way?

In this episode, we discuss the difference between our physical heart and our spiritual heart. You'll learn how the energy of your heart, affected by external events, can be managed to establish inner harmony. We also explore the process of spiritual growth, likening it to a snake shedding its skin or sandpaper smoothing out rough surfaces. This episode offers practical examples and personal anecdotes that will guide you in identifying your triggers and using them as stepping stones for personal growth.

00:04 - Adam (Host)

Welcome to the 200% live podcast with Adam Hergenrother and Caitlin Frautland, where we bring you weekly insights into spiritual growth and business success.

00:14 - Caitlin (Host)

For those of you listening on Spotify, we're testing out a new Q&A feature and would love to know what questions you have or topics you'd like us to address. Drop your questions in the Q&A box below the show notes and we'll weave them into the podcast and answer it.

00:27 - Adam (Host)

You know, the beauty about questions are too. I mean, one of the most sold spiritual books was written purely based on questions that people asked power. Now, right, it's literally. It's not even, it's just a book of questions which is wonderful, by the way, and it's very helpful but it's always when you're asked.

00:41

01:39

That's the beauty about podcasts, by the way, and not just for spiritual or business. There's just anything right Like people ask really good insights and good questions. You have that engaged conversation that you wouldn't just sit down and be able to do it. You know, michael Singer might be one of the only ones that just sits down and just starts talking, right Like it needs, just like it's, though I would still love to be going to ask him a bunch of questions on that, so I think you'd pull more things out. But yeah, it's just really interesting about. That's why we love having questions, because it engages. Kealan can read them, I can read them and engages in a different way of what people are thinking about.

02:11

Well, you know, last time we talked about, you know, the inspired thought versus egoic thought. One comment I just had on there was just as you didn't listen to that episode, you should go back and listen to it about inspired thought, really, or any thought is just a. It's this vessel that carries information that you can see that you as a conscious in there, and so we use the word thought, really inspired thought is more right action, the right moment. But there is still a mechanism that drops what you see in the moment. It's almost like we're all of them merged together. It's like you're in the moment, you're not in the mind, your view is consciousness, paint tension to the moment in front of you. You're engaged in conversation or whatever you're doing.

02:53

In that flow state, the mechanism for dropping information or how you see it in there just spontaneously shows up, which then spontaneously gives you the ability to take the action based on that. And that is meeting the moment. Right, it's not the way of doing. It's just where the everything merges right there and it's just so. It's just a beautiful moment, because there is no how's this talking to come about? How is this going to be proved?

03:19

I'm going to word whatever is how is this going to be? You know how are people going to think about this? It's just boom, you're saying it.

03:27 - Caitlin (Host)

Right.

03:27 - Adam (Host)

It's just you're in, you're in the moment doing it, and again, you could. This could be in business, this could be in your personal life, this could be in, you know, maybe in the first time that somebody says I love you and you were expecting it, and also you're like I love you back and you're like, well, I just said that type thing, like it's just there and you know it's again. It's where everything meets and yet nothing's distracted from itself.

03:49 - Caitlin (Host)

Yeah, it's amazing. It reminds me of like just having a really amazing conversation with somebody and the conversation becomes larger than the people involved and like the wisdom that comes from it.

04:01 - Adam (Host)

Sometimes you're like yes, like solve the world problems right.

04:04 - Caitlin (Host)

Yes, yeah, and it's clearly not a tent. Nobody came into the conversation with that intent, but something beautiful blossoms from it.

04:12 - Adam (Host)

Yes, yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. I think a lot of really amazing Um writers like roomie right, who have such wonderful poems, I think they're really or artists that paint or draw or just Drawing, like they're just in that moment, just, uh, it's like first manifested in the. You know it's, it's in the. You first have to see it somehow. So, right, either you're trying to convey it in your mind or just drops in somehow. It drops in though, right, I don't know how it's a word or word to use just there and it's in there, but you're not going. Okay, dropped in. Wonder what Caitlin's gonna think about this, or how is this gonna be reviewed? It's just, it's just, you're in the moment. That's spontaneous moment, which is beautiful.

04:54

You know we're gonna drop into spirituality, one-on-one still versus, I think one of the other biggest topics that I get asked about on other people's podcast. Last, you know, last one, it was about inspired thought. He go thought. Really, that comes down to how do I know? This is the path that I'm supposed to be on. That's really what people want to know. The next one is is probably not as popular as that, but it's the spiritual heart versus personal heart.

05:19 - Caitlin (Host)

Well, I think this one I'm really excited about because I think when you start Relaxing and releasing and you start to become aware of the energy in your body and how it actually moves through you, then there's like this emotional component, but then you're aware that there's this like other energy happening in your body that isn't a tie to your emotions and if you do like a relax and release and you feel it, I mean this is gonna count. Sound kind of whoo.

05:42 - Adam (Host)

But you feel the energy transmute?

05:45 - Caitlin (Host)

Yes, you do you feel it go from this like hard kind of intense energy. You sit with it even though you don't want to more than anything in the world. But then it's like this kind of like wave of Wonderful joy, or not even joy, joys almost feels like too much, but it just feels totally different.

06:00 - Adam (Host)

It's just forms.

06:01 - Caitlin (Host)

Yes, peaceful, yes. And so then it's like, whoa, there's this energy that isn't, doesn't revolve around just how. I feel there's something else in there and so, yeah, then I think the next question is like what is? There's obviously something else going on in here. What's the difference between my personal heart and this heart that can feel this gentle peacefulness?

06:25 - Adam (Host)

Yeah, that's beautiful. That's very well said. You are in thought there.

06:29 - Caitlin (Host)

Who's talking?

06:31 - Adam (Host)

It was, I think, the well. First we use the physical heart. Let's just start with that right. The physical heart is actually pumps blood. You know, it's funny about the spirit the person the actual physical heart to is. One could say I always think about, like, being selfish is a good thing, and I always use this as an example being selfish in the good ways, giving yourself space, time, one of those things but the the horror itself actually consumes and get 80 to 85 percent of the most rich Nutrient oxygen that's in the body and it takes it all in for itself.

07:01

But so one of the on the on one onset, if you just looked at that alone and say, well, the heart is very selfish, takes it that one. It does that takes and distributes into the most important areas. The body needs that moment and so that's why it was, that's why it holds it as a way of going to. The brain needs it. No, you're running away from a lion that needs it, right and just it's giving its information. Most rich nutrient, blood, in order to keep your body going, based on the moment that's around it kind of need with the physical heart Again, keeps your physical body kind of moving. It's. It's funny.

07:29

The other, the other day, my, my daughter. Well, sarah, my daughter usually comes into our bed, my youngest one still and my other two. My son did for a little while and then he never really did and I just put in the bed. He's pretty good. My oldest daughter did for a little while, maybe to like six or seven, and then it was there. But my oldest, my youngest, are seven anyways.

07:51

She typically comes in her bed and and Sarah woke up she fall asleep in Maddie's bed. Who's Maddie's? My youngest? And then she woke up and Maddie wasn't in there. She goes oh, she must have come into our bed. And so she comes into our bed and she's not there. And so she's like, and she's the instantaneous in my heart dropped. And she was like and, and she's like she walks downstairs and Maddie's now worse. And she's like, and she's like, now my heart is dropping further. Right, she's like I'm in like almost freak out mode. She goes upstairs, she looks in Sienna's room, my oldest daughter. She's not in there. She goes back in our room, looks at she's not anywhere. It's not in the bathrooms. So this point, she's like I'm in full like heart mode. Drop right and she walks into my son's room and Maddie, snuggled up against our son, like for the first time, like ever, she must have been. See, I don't know how they go, why she did it, but I bring this story up because Sarah was literally she's like, my heart dropped and.

08:43

So again, that's not your physical heart. The heart was still actually, if anything was pumping more blood, right is, so is actually the heart didn't go anywhere. What you're really saying is that kind of personal heart energy dropped from situations. So the situation was happening in a way of going like holy shit, like there's a, there could be a potential really big problem here my daughter could be missing and so you start blocking off Because you don't like the situation, you don't like how this could go, where this could lead to, and you start blocking off the. Well, I guess this is just keep it from this way. You instantly just energy shuts off, right, the energy shuts off and you feel like you're like my heart dropped right, it didn't actually go anywhere. So the physical heart pumps that your, your heart doesn't actually go anywhere.

09:25

This personal heart is really like the way I kind of think about this and you can jump in is more of like situational and it's more about based on things that are happening outside of how you feel those different things. So in my experience it's been like if somebody says like I love you, somebody saying I love you turned you on, and you feel this personal heart kind of move, if you will, or situations where, like this, your personal heart drops out and it starts to be removed, the energy of the situation itself. But as you started to say so I look earlier the more deeper you get back, you realize there's situational Emotions that go up and down, that can fill the heart, that can take away the heart, that can move the heart, and then you know Thoughts and emotions can be all part of that whole personal heart as well too. And then there's this whole other on the other side of this way, deeper back, there's this pure energy that is just filling you, regardless of what's happening outside. And again, it doesn't happen all the time and you can merge the two together.

10:27

By the way, that's where the transmutation comes. It's like the. That energy is still the same energy, one You're just kind of bifurcating, and if you take that situation, you relax, like all that emotion starts coming up and you relax and actually let go. That energy can be transmuted and you're feeling something different. But the, the spiritual, or the, the spiritual heart, if you will is like this pure energy that's just sits there like a reservoir that's coming up behind there. You look like you're a season.

10:56 - Caitlin (Host)

Yeah, well, no, I was just thinking. For a long time I just assumed that the positive feelings so feeling love, joy that was caused by Situations or external circumstances. Like growing up I went to church and you'd hear a lot about love and whatnot and I just assumed that that love that I Would feel when I was happy was the love that they were talking about. But now it's Following and learning about all these other spiritual teachings and seeing what so many different Religions and faiths and everything are pointing to a deeper level. It feels like it's pointing towards a deeper love, which is that spiritual heart. And so, yeah, I guess At first it just felt confusing because it just felt like positive things were spiritual things, but it's like, actually, this deeper layer underneath that that's not, that's always, it's always positive or it's always there and it's just not affected by anything.

11:55 - Adam (Host)

Yeah, you know it's, it's this. It's. The interesting thing is it's the same energy that you feel. Just one is situational and it's it would be like Like rain drops are still water, right, they're just being displaced and and kind of brought in a different carrier way of dropping on the ground, whereas a body of the ocean sits and is a different form of it in itself. It's kind of like the energy of the events that happen outside Are we're deciding, I think of like the personal heart is like what we decide to open up and what we decide to close.

12:33

That's really kind of what the personal heart is doing, which is like I like this, I don't like this, and it's closing off the energy. It's kind of how I think of like the. That's why I say it's like Situational. It's really the same energy, though what you feel is just so. When you get behind the personal heart, though, you start to realize that I can get what I'm trying to look for from the like. If I want to avoid a situation that I don't want to be in, I and I, that happens. I feel great, right, you feel uplifting.

12:59

Well, that is, the spiritual heart can Deliver that through whatever means is delivering it through and at everyday basis, regardless of what's happening on the situational side. So it's almost as if we're describing the personal heart as Year. It's almost like they're the same, but the personal heart description is situational Flows of energy. So when I get what I want, I feel a few in Mega bucks, like you're probably gonna feel this instant rush of joy and energy that can be felt from the spiritual heart delivering that at all times, and so it's like this the, the personal, the physical heart. Then you have this personal heart. That, again, is more situational, which is what most people play with, and so most people confuse that though, thinking that that is like there, that's who they are or that's their, that's their guiding post. All that is is more psyche, egoic, centered emotions based on getting what you want or avoiding what you don't want, based on situational things that are happening outside, and then you're regulating how the personal heart opens or doesn't open in.

14:04

Majority time I don't know if most people know how to even open it, but you know how to close it right. You know how to close it instantly, whereas the spiritual heart just stays open. It's just always there and it's just in its. And when you have that level of spiritual heart, the emotions can still go there. You can feel the deep emotions from somebody that's dying or a pet that gets hurt, or, you know, losing money. It's all Situational and you can feel that. But, as you started saying in the beginning, you start to feel that emotion come in there If you stay committed to the spiritual heart instead of closing it off, trying to then fix the situation outside, so you feel better.

14:37

It transmutes, it almost get, merges in with the other flow of the river, just like the rain will eventually merge with the ocean again, or the rivers will flow directly into it. One of the the most beautiful poems in there. At the end of it it's like all of the rivers and Streams will flow effortlessly into the ocean, leaving the ocean untouched as it found, uninterrupted right, and it's basically saying that's all the senses in the world pour into you as the yogi, just like all of the rivers in the streams and the lakes pour into the ocean, leaving it untouched, and it's the same thing. All of the Personal hearts, ups and downs can be allowed to flow into you, almost merging with a bigger stream of personal, the spiritual heart, leaving you untouched. You're just, they're purely experiencing it. It's just giving you the ability to literally be untouched and und and un Wavering is like a you're a soldier. It's kind of like moving in the midst of the quality of nature. I'm just allowing it to do its dance and Instead of when it does its life does its dance. You're not then Personally getting and trying to manipulate the energy flow so it comes in there.

15:44

And that's what I really think people are referring to when they talk about the personal heart is how do I personally get myself to feel better Using the external world? And I'm calling that my heart, because when I get what I want, I feel really good. When I don't get what I want, like, or also in a situation like with Maddie and like, my heart drops and I'm not getting what I want or I'm really hoping that. And again, she was completely relieved the minute she saw she was there. So it's like situational from there, instead of always focusing on this vastness, you know what is.

16:16

There's a line it's like is it yoga nanda that says this? Where he's like find the river of joy that's within you, go down to it. And it's like it's like, if I river of joy, it's in you, then it extends and basically says it's like a spring that's coming up into a pond. Dive in, find the spring and get lost in it. And that's kind of how I see it. It's like the spiritual heart is that spring that's constantly flowing. We, just right now, how we're accessing it, is kind of using the personal heart to turn it off and on.

16:48 - Caitlin (Host)

Yeah, I'm gonna ask a question. I don't know if it's gonna make total sense, but I'm gonna do it anyway. But so I Sometimes feels like, when the personal heart is activated and is closing or whatnot, it's almost like a reminder to stay open. It's so that you, it's almost like the personal heart, is pointing towards the spiritual heart. And I think that's what you're describing when you say it's like they merge together yeah but it's like when the personal heart is activated. It's almost saying like hey, you're, you're not open.

17:20 - Adam (Host)

Yes, exactly right, that's a very well, that's exactly. That's exactly what it's doing, right it's? It's almost giving you a hint of either still work to do in here and you're feeling this situation.

17:31 - Caitlin (Host)

Don't, don't close and then what I think is kind of incredible too Is it's like Michael singer talks about. Then, when your personal heart gets hit, you get to a point where it's like, oh, bring it on because.

17:45

And before I was thinking about, oh, bring it on as, in a way, like okay, yeah, I got work to do, now I got to keep doing it. But if it's like the personal heart is hit and then it's pointing to the you, to the spiritual heart, it's actually like you're thankful for it, because then you can open up to the spiritual heart and start to feel that joy, peace, more, and he described it in a recent talk too. He said it was just like the spiritual heart was gentle, which I found really comforting, because I think there's these ideas of spiritual energy as being like overpowering, you know, and you hear stories about people you know who have had energy that's overpowering. But like the, is the river joy? And I guess this is a question is the river joy that flows through? Can it just be this like gentle, peaceful river of joy, not this like raging river where you're gonna lose yourself?

18:39 - Adam (Host)

I think you answered your question earlier when you said it was like you were trying to use, like you were. You wanted to say Like hide joy or happiness, and you said that's not really the right word. It's more peaceful. That's really just kind of fall in this. It's like peace because it's just very settling. It's like a very you're a very undisturbed state and it just and it feels high. But it doesn't feel high like people would think about using and manipulating the world to feel high. It just feels better like you, just feel overall, like joyful, like happy love, like the different, not personal love, like you. Just you're just how like in an Amazement of what it is because you're being fed from within. Now it, you know, and at least for me, it doesn't always stay that way and it's then I go right back into at times of, you know, of struggling with the personal heart too as well. Like man, I really can still want to stay open right now, and you know it like it's like comes in there and it's like man, it's gonna take everything. I have to keep this thing open right now, because I do not want to stay open Right, because just it feels good to want to close down.

19:42

That's that. That's that pattern that you've, that we've all built for our entire lives. But that's the, that's the deep work. That is the deep work. That's why, in the 200% life, that's why we modeled that way, which is it's not about hiding, it's not about meditating in a mountaintop somewhere, it's not even about, you know, trying to tell everybody how cool it is to get in a meditation and what states you go into. I'm sure a lot of us can go into those meditative states and feel nothing but bliss, right. In fact, almost every time I meditate I can get to that state and it feels wonderful.

20:16

It's about how do you, how can you bring that into the world? Right, and that's the whole point of I think we're in this stage now of evolution, which is okay. We figured it out how to do that, like on our own, like how do you bring that into the world? How do you still enter? How do you be in the world when out of it, right? Somebody said that much better than I did, right? So it's like that's really the kind of like you allow the personal heart and second open flat. You just never shut the door on it. If you just don't ever shut the door again, it'll. It'll leave you untouched because it'll come in and it'll come out, just like every emotion always has, and so you just begin To just relax, release in it, which is the emotion comes in. You're dealing with the emotion.

20:56

If every event feels completely different, again they have. Analogy is always so easy that it's just been granted my mics are hurt so many times from Michael, which is the rattlesnake and the butterfly. I mean they feel completely different. They're two totally different experience. I like that we use. Like making money and losing money feel completely different. Right, having ample money, your bank account, to Figure out how to make payroll feel is two different things you have to feel. But when both of those come in there, you just you don't attach yourself to any of them, you don't close off once. Okay, oh, once I get here, I want to keep that there, right, that's that's using the personal heart to make yourself feel whole and complete, which is where you can just keep it open and they merge, they just merge together and that's the ultimate stage of enlightenment was not pure Mojo happens there, and then there is no more personal heart, it's just Then, it's just the state of cautious that you're in.

21:46 - Caitlin (Host)

Yeah, and when you were describing it as feeling high, I was thinking like feeling lighter.

21:50 - Adam (Host)

Yes.

21:51 - Caitlin (Host)

Like there's just an effortlessness about like who you are, what you're doing and I don't know. I think maybe most people have had glimpses of that, and then the work is to. It's a practice, right, you just keep going back.

22:08 - Adam (Host)

Yeah, you had a good quote on here, one of them that talked about lightness daughter.

22:15 - Caitlin (Host)

The Ravi Shankar quote. Yeah, maybe that's what it was, the spiritual heart is a place of boundless love, where all divisions and dualities disappear.

22:22 - Adam (Host)

Yeah, yeah.

22:24 - Caitlin (Host)

See, he's so interesting to you.

22:26 - Adam (Host)

Yes, the roomy one too. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it, because kind of like the same thing, kind of like in my head, how I see that is, you know, roomy. It's not about finding it with yourself. If you remove the barriers, you're in it, and that's the same thing. You keep the heart, personal heart, open. You're in it. There is no more searching to do, no more work to do, because you're just in it. It doesn't mean it's going to go the way you want it to Like, but that doesn't even at that level, though. It's not even a thought about how you want it to go. It's just you're interacting with it. That's why for so hard, it's so hard for people to grasp that, because they're so going. Well, how could it not be the way I want it to? Because your entire life you've been trying to decide how you want it to be, and everyone tells you to go, get it the way you want it to. When people that have gone past that go, what's not even about that and they go, how is that even possible? Right, like, that's not even like. I just don't even know where I want to live in, and it's it's hard for really people to grasp, because you are going until you can get past that, right, until you can see beyond that or experience beyond that, and you go oh, there is a whole other way to live your life. There's a whole other way to interact with life and it's almost as if you're no longer living your life. It's almost as if you're giving life back to life and you're here for the ride.

23:43

Actually, there's a one of the quotes talks about the. Oh, it's this one, it's Thomas Merton, right? We said we are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result, men are valued not for what they are, but for what they do, and that our being is more important than our doing. And it's kind of like reminds me of that. It's like once you stop the do, putting so much emphasis on the doing, then you fall back into being and then again it just kind of, and then you still do. It's not about not doership or doership, it's just about you fall back in that and things become un-disguised.

24:27 - Caitlin (Host)

I wanted to ask you a question. So one question is like how long does it get take to get to the state where you're doing this 50% of the time, 80% of the time, where you're actually staying open? Or is this like is Michael's, is Michael Singer, living in a state of complete openness all the time? Like where, for people who are just starting out on this journey or who have been on a while but are just getting to this point, like where you're beginning to experience these things at deeper and deeper levels? Like at what point are you in the state of openness, the spiritual heart, for most of the time?

25:07 - Adam (Host)

Yeah, I don't know how to answer that for anybody else, I mean for me personally it's. It's every day. I take every moment and do everything I can to not be glued, and I do not win every day otherwise. So I'm still every day I get glued or, you know, attached to the old patterns of doing things right, which is just again, I get hit, something triggers me and I get attached to it. I think the difference and from speaking personally is how quickly does that affect me? I'm sorry. How quickly do I no longer allow it to affect me and allow it to release, which has gotten much faster, so it can be even now? It's usually within minutes of something triggering me, and I find I did that. I'm like right, like yes, and then I go, but I'm not going to be myself about it, because that's not what you want to do either. I feel guilty about it, I can't change this, and so, okay, how do I then take the next right action? And that's what I always kind of remind myself to do, which is well, regardless of how you act in the previous moment, there's nothing we can do. The only thing we can do is now act in the right action in accordance with the right way in the next moment. So then, as quickly as I can, I release the energy that was built up, I relax around the energy to remove it and then I write into whatever that right action is of what's necessary.

26:22

I think we talked about this before, but I was just because you're such an interesting way of doing this. You know, I was coaching my son the other day and we had gotten I'd gotten some feedback from one of the other coaches that says you know, asher is not passing as much as he should, and that kind of triggered me and that in itself triggered me and I tried to relax, but clearly I didn't do it and this is a great example of storing something. So I thought I had kind of relaxed that, but it was on top of mine. And then Asher was at a practice and he's not passing and he's trying to go down there, and then I yell at him on the fields to pass more comes off the field crying, and so now I instantly I was like, see, this is the great example of me not being able to handle what was shared to me, and as soon as it was shared with me, I thought I had released it, but I really didn't release it.

27:08

And then it came out later on because it was bothering me that something could be bothering me about, bothering me about something else somebody said, and then it just came out and then I'm like, see, that's it. I actually explained this to Asher. So then, as soon as it happened, I actually went up to their God, like, see, this is exactly what happened. I actually explained it to the other coach would happen too, and you know, it was really nobody's intent for any of that, but I took that personally Again, I did not allow that to move through me, and so there was a hint of it there and it built up and then, when it was there, it just it came out for whatever reason, and so that's just a great example of and just an everyday life and I go, that is so much worth it and you know, and so I always kind of measure that, because there's no KPIs that way Again.

27:51

So it's quickly, how quickly can I recognize it? Then? How quickly can I actually just say what I said to somebody else? Because if you, the minute, you can be completely transparent and real about the situation that occurred, like I just shared that fully transparently, then there is no more energy necessarily tied to it, right, so that's how fast you, or just you, can release it as much as you can. Because then then you're saying, okay, I'm not going to keep it, maybe Kate, in there before, I'm not going to, I'm not going to do whatever I can to again pause, relax and release and get this out now.

28:21 - Caitlin (Host)

Yeah, I mean it feels like there's thousands of opportunities every day to do it Right. And I remember when Ram Dass, saying I mean, and he was clearly was very far along on his spiritual journey and he would be he told the story about how he was on I think the radio ones and the host was kind of grilling him and he could. He got caught and he started getting defensive like on the air with this radio host and then he looked to you know, he realized he was caught and started laughing.

28:52 - Adam (Host)

And he was like oh, I got caught.

28:53 - Caitlin (Host)

He actually saw it as his guru. He was like oh, my guru is showing up in this circumstance to point show me where I'm getting caught. And that was kind of his lens through which he viewed it through.

29:05 - Adam (Host)

But yeah, and so it does diffuse the situation. By the way, the minute you can go, man, I just got caught in that situation where you just do it, that's what it, and they're like, yeah, like, and then everyone's energy drops right, because then you just, then you just you actually just released it. Because the minute you can kind of share it that way, you just released it. It's kind of there's no different you're and everyone can probably experience it you probably fought with your partner at some level. I don't, I mean whatever a fight means in your world, right, an argument, a disagreement, whatever it is some built up energy, something. It doesn't have to be yelling or anything like that. But you just you felt that energy off of your partner and then instantaneously you walk in and you give your partner a hug, telling me love them, and it just goes away and it's just gone.

29:44

That energy is there anymore because you've. You've done the best you can to release at least that part of the energy. And that's the work, that's the deep inner work that we get to do and that's why you know, if you didn't, you know it's not about not having kids or coaching sports or anything like that when you're not in life, like that it's not giving you those opportunities. And so, in life, being in there gives you these wonderful opportunities every day to go got that to work on, got that to work on right, and that's and that's the goal is just then you just welcome it up, so you'll have you. Everything will start to. It just feels lighter, more and more and more, every single, even in the darkest times, like meaning that when things get really disturbed in there, regardless of what happens, there's still a lightness to the disturbance, there's still an ability to recognize this isn't really who I am, and it gives you that little bit more clarity to keep pushing down that path.

30:38

So, it's not about again whether you get caught or don't get caught, because I think a lot of people still do that, are doing this work. It's just about doing the work and, as soon as you get caught, releasing as fast as possible you can again laughing at it, pointing it out, sharing it with your coaches or whatever it is you know, going to your partner and being like man. I you know I get angry, but really that was the ego showing up and I'm so sorry and it was uncalled for and you know, whatever it is, that you want to do and just bring it out there to the open and that will help really take the next right action.

31:08

It's really what we do, it's just a constant. It's kind of like what Oprah said. I was never forget when Oprah said that she's like me and I and she's interviewed a lot of people in her life and she was like yo. This whole spiritual personal growth stuff is just so hard. When does it just get? I just want God to give me one day off and she's like but he won't, or whatever. It is right, she's like it won't right, like it's. And then and I just remember that quote for me because it's true Like it just doesn't really give you a day off, it's just showing you all the time of what the work to do is.

31:38

There are a lot of moments that become more peaceful, but and that's the ultimate path is that you just get lighter and lighter and lighter. Even in the midst of being disturbed, there's still a greater lightness and it becomes this process that just slithers away, like when a snake first starts to, you know, shed its skin. There's still a lot of skin on the beginning. It's got a lot of process to do and it takes days, for, you know, weeks for a snake to shed its own skin. The same thing I remember.

32:04

I don't I forget who said this, but they. They refer to the work in life as like sandpaper. It's like you're always constantly rubbing forward and smooth hard, smooth hard, smooth hard, and that's kind of like the whole essence of leaning in the life, which is like it's like sandpaper. You're constantly going in different directions, one smooth and it's rough, one smooth, and eventually, though, the, the, whatever you're sanding, actually ends up being smooth, but in the whole process it becomes bigger smooth patches, and then there could be bigger, um, rough patches because you're releasing more and more things, but in total, there happened to be a bigger area where it becomes smooth.

32:41 - Caitlin (Host)

I love that too, that each direction is helpful. Yes, it is, it was beautiful.