In this conversation, Tawny Paino shares her journey as a millennial mom of three, discussing the challenges of motherhood, her authentic online presence, and her transition from Catholicism to a non-denominational Christian faith.

She emphasizes the importance of community, the influence of her faith journey on her parenting, and her experiences as a teacher. Tawny reflects on the dynamics of family and faith, the inherent goodness of children, and her exploration of new career opportunities while still teaching.

In this conversation, Tawny and Liz explore the multifaceted journey of teaching, personal growth, and the challenges of navigating change. Tawny shares her experiences as an educational consultant, the importance of authenticity in teaching, and the impact of social media on self-perception. They delve into the complexities of identity, motherhood, and the journey of adoption, emphasizing the significance of integrity and living authentically. The discussion highlights the importance of embracing change and the lessons learned through personal experiences.

Follow Tawny on Instagram @Tawny.Paino and on TikTok @tawnypaino

Welcome to Besties Unfiltered, the podcast where real women share real stories. I'm Liz, and each week we dive into the authentic conversations that help women connect, build community, and feel empowered. Whether it's overcoming challenges, celebrating wins, or simply sharing the ups and downs of life, we're here to support one another, no filter needed. Grab a seat, grab your bestie, and let's get to it.

Tawny, I'm so excited you're here. Okay So for anyone who doesn't know you yet, who are you? What do you do? And What's what's life lately for you?

I

All right, well, first of all, I'm so excited that you asked me to do this. I'm Tawny P. Tawny Pano. I am a millennial mom of three. My kiddos are almost 18, which is wild. I would never, I just don't even know how I have an 18 year old.

Because I just don't feel like I'm that old, but that's a story we could get into. And then I have a 16 year old and a 12 year old, all super busy. even though I am a busy mom myself personally with work and life and family, I feel like my identity is very wrapped up in my kid's life, which I think I resonate with a lot of other women that we just kind of.

Yeah. Yeah. I love everything you're saying because it is so relatable to so many of us, especially I feel like you're in the phase that I'm not quite to in parenthood where my oldest is about to turn 12. And so part of me is so excited to hear everything you have to say because it's what I have to look forward to. And then I'm also getting ready to interview someone who is now an empty nester.

and she's in her 50s and just showing up in a really big way. And so I didn't plan to have episodes aired that way, but it almost feels meant to be. Yeah,

Yeah.

okay. So I would love to talk about how you show up so authentically online. You're known for being real and relatable on your platforms, which I would say Instagram is probably your biggest platform. How did you find that voice and confidence?

Yes.

Oh my gosh. It's funny that you ask me that because when I think about it, I sometimes I don't even know. I don't even know. So just...

rewind about five years ago. I used social media for family and posting things because I had this grand idea that my family account was going to be for me to create all those chat books. The little books you can create from your ⁓ dad. Okay, so I've never created one. Never ever.

Yeah. Same. Yeah.

But I still post on my family account like I am creating these chat books.

when I decided that I fell in love with a makeup brand that I wanted to share with people, I realized that maybe in my personal account, the people that followed me weren't going to dig me sharing all about this makeup.

And so then I decided I'm gonna open up a completely different account. I think in doing that, it gave me a little boost of confidence that this is my own little world that nobody I know is going to see. But I fast quickly realized that is not true because most of my followers on my account that I started were my people anyway. But I started to gain this confidence of...

Who cares? They're going to follow me if they want to follow along. And if they don't, they don't have to. They can click unfollow. And that was a really hard hump to get over. But I do think that that's a little bit of what helped me show up and be authentic in what I provide my followers. think also I was really turned off. I research a lot. I watch a lot not to duplicate, to get just like to try to understand.

why people do what they do. And when I follow and see some accounts, I would think to myself, like, it just didn't feel real. I just didn't like that. I feel like I do that in my everyday life. Like, I want to show up real and authentic because I think that that's what people want to connect with. And I want to connect and build community with people.

So with that, do you ever feel the pressure to perform or like curate the perfect feed or curate the perfect video?

yeah, yeah, I second guess myself all the time. I feel like it takes a lot sometimes to push the, what is the button called? what can I think of it? Push push post, I couldn't, I do think I get it often and then I get.

like the post button. Yeah. Yeah.

caught up often in the like and the views and I just I have to that off in my brain like you can't turn it off on the account but I have to turn this think to myself I am what is my purpose who am I trying to connect with and serving people I really try to keep that in the back of my mind of serving and helping which I have been able to do and and then with that came

Right.

connecting with people and meeting people that I would have never met or connected with had I not taken this leap of faith in like starting something that was completely out of.

completely like not in what my plan was. I don't know if that's what I want to say. Like the plan, what I started to do, what my career was, this was not part of it. This was never part of it because in my online businesses, I still have a full-time career.

Yeah.

Right, yeah, I relate so much to everything you just said. We obviously met through some of that online business and we never would have met otherwise and I have so many people that I talk to frequently that I never would have met otherwise and that right there alone is worth all of it.

as

Yeah.

if I would have interest in other online businesses so many times before and every time I was like, no, that's not for me. I am not

How do you think your faith journey or personal background has influenced how you show up online?

Yeah, so,

Well, so being a teacher and when I started teaching, there was no social media. Let's go back to being a millennial mom. There was no social media. And I laugh about this. you know, you see those videos where they're like, thank God there were no videos and social media back when we were kids. And I do think about that with my, mean, I have an 18 year old and a 16 year old and a 12 year old who's grown

up in social media. And I think about that often. Like, thank goodness. Thank goodness. Sometimes I'm sad because I'm like, I would have loved a picture of that. But I think that being a teacher, there's a lot that goes with presenting yourself in a community. And being a mom,

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

of three kids that are very involved in the community. I also think about that too when it comes to how I'm showing up. How I'm showing up with my, with the way that I look or the words that I use or the music that I use. Don't get me wrong, there's Jesus and cussing in our house. But I do think that

more of my morals and my beliefs help form what shows up on social media. And just my faith journey in general has been kind of a wild one.

Mm-hmm.

so you were raised pretty Catholic and do you now identify non-denominational Christian?

Yes.

I that's weird when those questions come up that's weird because my life is so rooted in growing up Catholic. my growing up, my mom was very much more Catholic than my dad, but my mom and dad were both married in a Catholic church. They were both raised Catholic. Through growing up, my dad

Mm-hmm.

lost both of his parents kind of quickly and he immediately blamed God for why they died and being upset and he pulled away from the church. But my mom stayed very firm in like taking us every single day. As a Catholic you go through different sacraments. I had my first communion and then we moved from one city to another which was about just a 30 minute

drive but I mean in kid terms when you're in seventh grade that like changes your whole world even moving 30 minutes. So I my mom made me go to confirmation class and it was not in the city right by like the kids that went to this confirmation class did not go to the same school that I went to because I was this church my mom chose was in a different city.

so I'm going through the confirmation class. meet this guy that I swear is gay. I totally gay, but he's so cute. fast forward my husband, we met.

you

The best transition ever.

confirmation class, he and I were in 10th grade. He doesn't remember me, he says in 10th grade, but our junior year we started dating. He asked me to go to a football game, which was my school versus his school, total rivals, and we sat on his side. And I'll never forget this story. His mom and dad are

cooking, they're like in charge of the snack bar and my boyfriend, gonna be boyfriend, husband, he puts the blanket over both of us because we're cold and as his parents walk by from the snack bar, he rips the blanket off of my legs because he doesn't want his parents to

to think anything was happening.

Yes, but we actually dated all through high school, even different high schools, and we ended up going to the same college together. Now, all the meanwhile, we are still practicing Catholic, but he and I are not like on a Sunday at school while we're in college going to the local Catholic church. Like we're not devout like that, but we'd like to consider ourselves still.

Yeah.

Catholic. Okay, so we go through college where we dated eight years married and we got married in the Catholic Church. We then had our three kids all baptized them Catholic and our kids are going to preschool. We enroll our oldest in preschool and it's the church that has really great reviews. This church near us, it's by the school I'm teaching at.

super convenient and good sorry. So we enroll our kids in the preschool and our oldest is coming home and she's telling us stories from the Bible that my husband and I are looking at each other and we're like I didn't know that was in the Bible and we started having this aha

were missing something. We would take our kids to Catholic mass and we were giving them food, which you were not allowed to eat food in the church, but we didn't want to go and put them in the childcare because we wanted our kids to learn how to be good Catholic in the mass and follow along and not talk and not mess around. And it was miserable. It was going to church was miserable with them. And then when our kids were coming home and telling us stories that we didn't know, we're like, something is missing.

We're missing the whole point. we decide Easter, Easter, this would have been 15 years ago, we decided to go to the service of the church that our kids were going to preschool at. And we sat there and we were like, this is what we're missing. Like we both love and believe and read the Bible, we love God, and we're just, we were missing something.

And so we decided we are going to start going to this new church. Well, that was not okay with the in-laws. My mom is you're going to church. That's great. I know it bothered her. She never told me. I know it bothered her. That it bothered her. Like you raise your kids and you think one thing for your kids. And then when they become adults and they change their minds, it's hard. And I'm not.

Yeah.

That's hard. Yeah. Yeah.

quite there yet. We can get into my kids, but I'm not quite there yet. But I know I'm to the point where as just a mom in general, I know that like we expect and think one thing for our babies and then for them to do something different than our plan is hard. So the in-laws do not like that we are going to non-Catholic church. That's not even church.

Right.

It was hard. We really had to, and it was hard because my husband and I were still not even firm in our decision. We were still uncomfortable with like, is this right? Is this wrong? Not wrong. That's not the right word. But like, are we doing the right thing for us, for our kids? And it really just always kept coming down to our kids. Like what we want for them. going to, like Catholics believe, like we read the same Bible. just pray.

it differently and some of the rituals and expectations in Catholicism for us, this is for me and my husband and our family, they weren't aligning with what our kids needed. And so that is why we go to the church we do now and we have been there and it's good. It's really good. I, fun fact,

joined a women's Bible study this year. I've never done anything like that. And we meet on Wednesdays. It's like a whole women's ministry. It's huge. There's like over a hundred tables of women and each like eight to ten people at the table. Like it's not just like in a home. It's a huge Wednesday night at the church. And then youngest goes to her little youth group and then my two bigs.

Yeah.

I call them my bigs, my 18 year old and my 16 year old. They go to their church. So then I just, have to say in all of this scariness of making that change,

my oldest on her own Became part of a student ministry team. This is high school students that serve She's involved in the children's ministry and she goes before we go to church. We go to a 930 service she shows up at 730 so she can have a class of students and serve in the youth

program on her own, which my heart like we are not telling her to do the things or forcing her and she just wants to be involved and actually signed up to go on a chat. I don't want to say mission because mission makes me think of something else that you and I have.

Yeah.

She's going on a trip with the church. They're going to Thailand this summer and it freaks me the bad word out.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

she is going with a group and they are going to work with Project New. I might be saying that wrong, but it's to work with kids that have been sold into human trafficking. And she's going to go to work with them, the kids that have been saved from the trafficking, going to work with the kids.

⁓ Not necessarily, I mean, yes, they're going as a church, but they're not going like to spread. Like they're not trying to convert the kids. They're just for and help and be involved and share the gospel, but not it's not like a.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Not like proselytizing. Yeah. Yep.

Yes, yes, that is

the one. And my son signed up on his own also. That's the 16 year old. He wanted to go to, they were going to go to South Dakota or North Dakota, Dakota. They were going to go to. And he was going to go with a team to go build furniture and buildings for a church out there. Um, but then due to the fires in LA that are in LA for me is about an hour.

Mm-hmm.

the fires affecting Malibu in that Palisade area. They decided to change their mission to go to LA, but my son, he's gonna go and help but not stay. the whole, roundabout of that is that we made a change that was good for our family that did not resonate with my husband's family. My mom is like, okay, good for you, but not like it didn't traumatize her like my...

my in-laws and my husband has an older brother and older sister both with families and they are very Catholic and it is now 15 years later, it's now okay. Like we're, they're okay. We go to church and my mother-in-law has accepted it better I think.

Mm-hmm.

But I know it's in the back of her mind, the judgmental piece of that, I think, back of my mind.

Yeah. Yeah.

I think you touched on something earlier when you said, you know, it's not for me, something's missing for me. I, obviously neither of us can speak to other people's experiences, but I feel similarly about leaving Mormonism, where if it's working for you and you find fulfillment and you're happy there, that's great. I just don't find that anymore, so I need something different. And so I guess my question is,

Yeah.

when you look at people who are still active in Catholicism or

even converting, is there a part of you that judges that in the same way that you feel judged for leaving? Or do you feel very like, hey, you do you? And we're not judging here on this podcast if you're like, yeah, I am a little judgy. There is human nature to all of this as well.

Yeah. ⁓

Yeah, I think, you know, I think for me it was maybe the church that we were going to. What I have to believe, this is what I tell myself, because I do think that that judgy piece comes in, that I hate so much when it happens to me. I feel like I definitely, full transparency, I think I do.

sometimes that judgmental mindset creeps in and so then I have to like stop myself and think like, okay, well maybe maybe you do have community in your church and maybe you are able to take something away from your experiences and that can be a learning experience with your family and and I do really try to think like what you said that you do you peace I think doesn't always go both ways that's

Yeah. Yeah. I have been thinking about this a lot because with Easter having just occurred, I saw lots of people who are still in my former religion posting about Easter and I found it really triggering and was kind of surprised at myself for being so bothered by it and I've had to sit with that discomfort and think, well, why like...

hurt.

Yeah.

what's bothering me about this? Why am I? And one of the things I've kind of realized is that I am a little judgmental, but it's also a trait I learned in Mormonism, where like I kind of thought I was, I had the full truth or like mine was the right church. And so then having to deconstruct that and then be on the outside, I'm like.

Yeah.

Oh, you guys, you're missing it. You're missing this and I know more than you. So almost the exact same thought process, but on the other side of things. I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah.

It is fascinating though. And it's, this is why I say no judgment because this is such a human experience and we have to sit with it. And like you said, you feel it and then you have to pause and be like, ooh, what am I doing? Like, anyway, yeah.

Yeah.

But it takes a lot to be able to step back and like, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Just in the thought process of it, in the feels of it.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah. So it sounds like you have found really good community in a new church. Did you feel like the transition, I think a lot of people when they have a faith transition or a faith tradition that has shifted, they kind of have to find their footing again and maybe have to find a community. Do you feel like you had a little bit of that gap in community or were you able to pretty seamlessly?

Yeah.

find that through this

other church and school and work.

I think so we We had friends that Were going to a different church same idea not the one is ours, but another like parallel type Christian church Just a different just a different one. I feel like we have a lot of those. Is that a California thing? I don't know. I feel like we have a lot

Church by the water, church under the bleachers. that's not being, you know, like they just pop up, right? So there was a.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, it's like how

there's always a first Baptist everywhere you go. Like, yes.

Yes.

So they were going and I think the natural thing for our family would have been to go where all of our friends were going. And we actually made the decision if we were going to make this change in our family and be confident in it, we wanted to go to, we wanted to do it on our own. My husband and I wanted to do it on our own.

Mm-hmm.

That's why we went to where our kids were going to school, which a lot of the community and friends and family go to this school and go to this church, but it wasn't like we were going with our friends. We went and then, there's people we know here. So I think that naturally that gave us a little bit of that community. We have never, we still have never joined a small group. That's a big thing at our church that they,

in a small group that like meets at somebody's home or meets somewhere. We have not done that. And that's not because we don't want to. That's just because life is crazy from when we wake up to when we are going to bed at night. Gosh, even last night, that's another story I could get into about kids and my older daughter and navigating having an 18 year old.

I mean, we're busy. We're so busy that it doesn't work in our schedules. To do a small group, maybe that would build a different kind of community. But I think that we're really happy with we get to go to church and be there for church, but not because we're going for the people. So I feel like when we were going previously as Catholics,

Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like we were going because of the people, like we had to go because that's what our people expected of us. When we made a decision to change, it would have been the right choice to go, not the right choice, the natural choice to go with where all of our friends and our community went and then we went to a different one. So now we're going for us, not have to, we want to, we want to go involved in those.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I think you really just, as I was listening to you say that, I'm like, I think there's this misconception that when people leave one church or faith tradition for something else, that it's because they, the narrative I hear in Mormonism, and I could see, I wouldn't be surprised if Catholicism is similar in kind of this narrative of like, well, they just want, they don't want to do the hard stuff or they...

Yeah.

they want to take the easy way out. because religions that are a little bit higher demand, like they are hard and there are sacrifices to be made. But I think there's this misconception that it's easy to leave your tradition that you have spent

your entire life in for something else. in my experience, it is one of the hardest things I've gone through. And I mean, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Gosh, friend,

you could have a whole podcast on just the things that you've experienced.

I think we need to. I so desperately want to have a whole bunch of women on and just do a panel. And I feel like we could have eight episodes just on this subject.

would be and then it would turn into Netflix. I'm just saying.

⁓

gosh. Geez, we could have an entire one on the secret lives of Mormon wives as an ex-Mormon. ⁓ Yes. So yeah, guess it was really validating to hear everything you just said and been like, yeah, that was hard for her too. And if she wanted to take the easy way, she would have done X, Y, and Z. But you didn't, because it's not actually an external thing. It's internally what's happening with you.

Yeah? God.

Yeah

and your relationship with faith. That just, yeah. What a big, a big pivot in life. Yeah.

Yeah Yeah, and that that was that

15 years ago.

Yeah, that's amazing. I will be so curious to see as my kids get older and old enough to have some of the deeper conversations around this to see what they remember of this transition once, you know, looking back in 15 years, if they're like, yeah, we just, you know, whatever, or if they're going to be like, remember how X, Y, and Z and we're going to be like, yeah, that's awkward, okay.

Yeah.

Yeah

just because two of my kids were baptized at eight and now my youngest won't be, but it's, yeah, it's fascinating for sure to see kids' perspectives. One thing that I also, we were very motivated by our children in this decision. one of my biggest fears was there's kind of this prescribed parenting method.

Mm-hmm.

when you are, you know, deep in a faith and all of sudden I have to make all these decisions for my kids. Like, okay, we've always said, you know, absolutely under no circumstances dating before the age of 16 because that's what we're taught in Mormonism. and there will be Mormons who will disagree with me on this, but these are things I was taught even if it's changing now. Like absolutely no coffee, no alcohol, no...

Yeah.

you know, all these things. And it's not that any of that is bad to avoid, but now there's this little bit more, there's more freedom to actually have to figure out how we're going to parent about some of this. And in a way, it's a little bit scary. But on the other hand, it's really beautiful because I get to build a relationship with my children in these conversations. But what's been, I guess, is I've watched my kids even over the last year and then hearing you talk about your daughter.

Yeah.

Our kids are inherently good. And I feel like in my experience with religion, there was almost a little bit of like, one of the things

that Mormons say is like, the natural man is an enemy to God. And on the surface, that's okay. But then I realized like, when you start to internalize that, you kind of start to internalize like, we're just bad. We're always bad. And then watching my children, I'm like, no, you're so good. And now you get to go out into the world in a different way and bring that goodness.

Yeah.

And so, I don't know, was just, I loved hearing about your daughter because I think that was just another validation for me that our children are

good.

Well, okay, so then I wonder if because you still have family or part of that religion and I still feel like I felt like I have to prove with the choices my husband and I have made like my kids are proof of Me still doing the right thing like so wrapped up in this like

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It's almost like you're you like maybe people. goodness gracious. That people might think, well, they left. They changed this. So now that's why their kids this, this and this. And so. I do I feel like that a lot with family like, no, see, we we are doing things a little different and our kids are still great, so.

Thank

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes,

it.

I definitely have had those moments and I've definitely had the other side of it too when something bad happens and then I'm like, God's punishing me. And then I'm like, wait, that's not a thing. Like I are, to be honest, the same week we left Mormonism was the week that Saint, the makeup company you and I were both with, made their announcement about shutting down their artist program as it was.

Yeah. ⁓

Yeah.

Bye.

and I had a meltdown and was like, I'm being punished. And then I had to take a step back and be like, hang on a second. That makes absolutely zero sense. But there is this deeply internalized, like, I don't know, point system or something. And so, yeah, to your point, it is validating to be able to say, no, look, like, good things also happen.

Yeah.

And sometimes life is just hard, and sometimes life is just good. And we're all doing the best we can. And as we build these relationships with our children and we teach them good morals, then natural consequences follow. And they are good people who have good morals. So yeah, it's a wild ride. OK, so kind of pivoting a little.

Hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

You have made obviously a big change in your life, even though was a while ago,

with religion. You've also made kind of a big change. You mentioned being a teacher, and you still are a teacher, but you've had a little bit of a shift. Tell us a little bit about that.

Next.

Yes, so I, you know, I wonder. So my oldest is looking at colleges and deciding what she wants to do. And it's every single party that we go to and get together. It's like, where are you going to school and what do you want to do? And I remember questions and I don't think that, I mean, I did go into college knowing I wanted to be a teacher, but I didn't know through

Yep.

in high school, not necessarily quite yet, but the plan was I was going to be a teacher. And then as I started teaching, I thought, maybe I want to get into administration. But I will say after about five years in as a teacher, I knew this wasn't going to be my forever. I was not going to be I was 65. I just I I love it. I love it. There's just a lot of things in education.

that suck the life out of what we get to do as teachers. Some teachers that might be listening to this might be like, yep, because I feel like what we love to do gets so muddled in all the expectations when it comes to politics. That's a whole nother podcast. ⁓ I was blessed, truly, and I know people might be like, what?

Hmm. Yeah.

Right?

I was blessed that I was able to have all three of my kids in my class. I was able to be all three of my kids fifth grade teacher. My oldest was in my class. Then my second, my son was in my class during COVID. So I had him for the first year and then we went into like world shutdown and I'll never forget he would come into me in the morning. He'd be like, do we have school today?

And I would look at them and be like, you need to check online. Like every other kid in our class has to You get no freebies. Because I definitely think that as a mom teacher, I was the hardest on my kids. And then I had my youngest in my class last year. So what it truly, I could never homeschool my kids. So the fact I was able to have them in my class.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I just think about when they're older and they're talking to their kids like, yeah, mom, grandma was my fifth grade teacher or whatever. I don't know that I want to be called grandma, but anyway. So I was able to have all three of them. last year I just was thinking like, okay, I've had my youngest. She still has one more year.

Yeah.

Thank

the school because our school's districts out here, we are K6 and then seventh grade, they go to middle school. So she's still four year at the school that I was at, but I started to look at what other things I could do and still do what I do, but use my 20 years of teaching experience. 20 years, that's why, again, I just don't feel old enough to be saying 20 years.

Mm-hmm.

Right?

But I started looking at other opportunities and though I was an admin designee, meant like the admin was gone and I was the admin at the school for the day and I quickly realized that was not the path I wanted. But I had been on different committees where teachers had to decide what new curriculum, what new

product we wanted to use for our different different genre. So for example, I was on a social studies committee where we were adopting a new textbook program for our district. And I remember watching these people and thinking I could do this. And maybe it's the five years experience of being a social seller online.

Mm-hmm.

But I do really feel like even as a teacher, I constantly am in front of students and staff and parents and I'm selling what I'm trying to teach. not, you know, not selling, but selling in like, I need you to be excited about what I am teaching right now and then you're going to learn it. And so I just feel like

Yeah, yeah.

and an idea, a concept, yeah.

No. Yeah.

I do have a gift in that and I ended up leaving the school district and becoming an educational consultant for a curriculum company. So now what I get to and mind you, I have been training for the year, which is really wild to be the student again and not just do the job, but I haven't gone out.

Yes.

yet into the field as I'm still now go I'm training predominantly in math. If you would have asked me 20 years ago if I was going to be a math consultant, I would have laughed in your face, but also told me that I would be online selling makeup and skincare and things that I love like outfits of products I use. I tell you you're crazy too. So, so I

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

What I do now is I, once the school districts have, and this is the United States, it's not just California. I focus in California, but I will travel to other places if they need me, but I train the teachers on the new product they've adopted. So once the school district has said, yes, we want this math program, we're gonna use these textbooks and these products, then this online,

this online program, I go out and I train the teachers on how to use the things that they're gonna need in their classroom. again, think that my, just like circling back to the beginning of what we were saying, my authenticity and just being real with the teachers is going to really benefit

Mm-hmm.

them learning the product because I can relate like the things that I love and hate about what I had to do for 20 years as a teacher. I want to alleviate some of that for them. So anyway, that's now, but.

No, I love

But the scary parts of change are hard, are hard. And in the midst of just like kids too, you know?

Yeah. How do you? ⁓

Yeah,

What has each, season taught you about your identity outside of a job title?

Holy moly. I think definitely I'm really good at compartmentalizing and figuring out, I think that that's helped me in and you know, compartmentalizing what is necessary, what is priority and how to get things done.

I know, that's a loaded one.

and not get wrapped up in the scary parts of life. There are scary things that I've had to go through or deal with, but I think that trying to navigate like really what is, I don't know how I'm trying to answer this, but.

No, I

love it. I feel like it's right there with what you said. Sometimes you just have to hit the post button.

Yeah, totally. That's what it is. And just, you know, again, there's just that judgment piece of scary changes where like, oh my gosh, she left a classroom and being confident in like, I know my purpose. I know my plan. I have faith in what

what comes next so I don't need to worry about what all of the other things and people are saying. And that's a huge thing for me to say because I am so wrapped up in worrying about judgment and maybe that just comes back to like the beginning of like my religion journey too, like worrying about like am I doing the right thing and really just coming down to trusting like it doesn't matter.

anybody else doesn't matter. Like what matters is me and my family or me and my kids. And my husband. I'm leaving out my husband happily. Like it's package.

Yeah, I love that. Yeah.

It's all a package deal, right?

Yeah. I love that. I feel like I'm gonna listen to this part over and over again when I need a little pick me up.

my gosh, I don't know. And I think it's it's scary because this is so cliche, but social media is so painted, right? Like just what people, you want people to see. You're not posting the ugly, the hard, the scary. People aren't really, I mean people do, people do, but they don't really. And I feel like it's safe.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

to just post the easy things, you know? ⁓ And that's fine, that's great and that's fine. But, you know, one day, it's friend, one day I'm gonna write a book and it's all gonna be like.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

I will be

first in line. Absolutely. Because I think something that I have embraced is a little bit of the messy. I'm sure I've said this on my social media. But the few times that I've really truly gotten vulnerable on social media have been some of the most beautiful conversations have followed. relationships built from that because it is like...

Yeah.

I don't know, we get in our heads about it has to be perfect and we have to, you know, all these things, but the reality is life is not perfect and other people are also experiencing imperfect life. And so it is how we truly can relate to each other. Yeah, gosh, I just love all of this. Okay, so kind of a wrap up question.

Yeah.

What encouragement would you give to someone navigating a

change, whether it's faith or work or identity and motherhood? What encouragement do you have?

I think it's, and it's so easily said and so easier to say than to do, but I think it's, don't worry. You can't worry about all of the other noise around you. You've got to do it for you. Like you have to do it for you and who's close to you.

Mm-hmm.

You know, whatever change or switch you might want to do. And I do think that some people have rocks in their life that they could navigate tough changes through. But I think that you have to be strong in knowing that what you're doing is for you and being okay with whatever consequence might come, good or bad, good or bad.

Yeah.

but not worrying about, it's so, mean, I'm the first to worry about all of the other things. Really, and maybe that's, you know, it's so cliche too, like, I'm getting older and I understand, but I do think that just time makes you realize things that are important. And you know, when it comes down to, at the end of the day, it's about you and your unit and your people, not about all of the other people and what they think or care about.

Nah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I just, keep thinking about the word integrity. Like you have to live with yourself at the end of the day. So as much as you might want to make other people happy, if you aren't living, and this is another cliche one, if you're not living authentically, but like if you're not living with integrity, then what kind of life is that? You're not gonna feel that.

Ugh. Yeah.

Yeah

fulfillment in life if there's this part of you that's like, ooh, you're actually like a big fat faker.

Yes,

I just, think too, as moms with kids, this is another, like, let's just label this podcast cliches. Because it's also cliche, like our kids are watching. So true. It's so true that they are listening and watching and I just see that too as my kiddos are older.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

how the things that I've taught or done, good or bad, I see that coming out in how they react, how they navigate problems, how they're dealing with things. you just, want to know you did it, honestly. And I think integrity is the perfect word. Living authentically and with integrity because, yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, I love it.

Okay, so one of my favorite things that I've started doing with guests is just rapid fire questions that are just silly. I feel like this is the perfect way to end because this has been, I don't think it's been emotional, like crying episode, but we talked heavy stuff. This is real life and I feel like I know as I re-listen to it.

Yeah. Yes.

through editing, I'm gonna be like, whew, I feel that. And I'm betting some people who listen to it are also gonna be feeling some things. And I hope that that's true because that is, again, just how we connect and it's how we grow. ⁓ But it's also fun to end on like a lighter note. So, rapid fire,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Give it.

Right now I'm reading one called The Lost Village. ⁓ It's not exactly the stuff that you and I normally like.

Yes. Okay, what book are you reading right now?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

to go back and forth on. This one is, I guess it's a book written in Swedish. It's been translated. The translation is pretty good though. But basically there's this lost mining village that all the people mysteriously disappeared. And like the village was completely left with like coffee and cups and desks out like somebody was ready to teach a class.

⁓

in this, whatever happened to this village happened in 1959 and there's this group of people that are going out to do a documentary. it's like Blair Witch, like something weird is starting to happen to the people doing the documentary this many years later. yeah, it's, you know.

Okay.

Okay.

Ooh, I'm intrigued.

It's interesting. I'm just, just now getting into it. I just finished a kind of crazy, series called the arrangement. it was a book series on this husband and wife that make an arrangement to use a dating app to date other people. But then the husband ends up being a serial killer and then like joins in. don't know. It was a little bit wonky. It was a little weird, but so which going to the village, but.

Yeah. Yeah.

It's good. I think it's good so far. It's funny because Facebook, does that date us that we use Facebook? My oldest, I'm like, you could get a Facebook. She's like, do moms do Facebook?

I know, maybe.

Hilt

is Facebook. Ugh, yes.

So it's kind of weird when I do see some of my daughter's friends pop up as friends because I'm like, wait, this isn't for you. You're a... Anyway. ⁓ So Facebook though recommends books to me.

Mm-hmm.

Right? Cool. Yeah.

Yes, mine has started that too. I know, right?

And they're good. I mean, that's

I got the village. It's from, it was a Facebook recommend. It was very, very random.

Okay,

I have a group recommendation. It's called In My Kindle Girl Era. It is where I spend most of my time on Facebook these days because there is a lot of romance, but it's open to everything. And there's like, I don't know, I think when I joined there were like 20,000 people in this group, but I have never seen it get mean in there. Like it's just book girls supporting book girls. And I love it.

Okay. huh. Yeah. ⁓ yeah.

I'm sure there's subgroups for all the different genres, but this one is

Yeah.

supposed to be pretty open for everything. And I have so many screenshots on my phone of books that I'm going to read between all the sponsored posts and authors popping up on my feed, where it's like, book recommendations, whatever. And I'm like, screenshot that one. So many good books out there. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, sorry, we just

the book review podcast.

It's true, it's true.

Okay, next question. What is your go-to coffee shop order?

Oh, lavender latte. No, oh no. I'm sorry Starbucks lovers, but no, that is purple, that is weird and purple. That is not lavender.

Okay, from like Starbucks? Okay.

Okay, I...

One of the first coffees I tried after leaving Mormonism was the lavender oat milk latte from Starbucks. And I was like, this is disgusting. Who drinks this? Ugh, wow.

You've done wrong. You've done wrong.

No, you need to go. And I have to say that this is a safe order at almost any coffee shop because wherever we go, if there's a cute coffee shop, I'm like, oh, I want to stop. And I never thought that I would be a coffee shop girl. But my old, I, and like I said, she's looking at colleges. So we've visited colleges and we're like, let's find a coffee shop. It's always a lavender latte with oat milk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

and add vanilla and every now and then add coconut to it too. I'm pretty sure it's like 700 calories and just it's fine. Sometimes you just have the coffee and you enjoy it and normally it's hot so that if I do not finish it hot because mom life, I then can pour it over ice and have an iced latte. Yeah, that was an easy one. All right. Yes.

Okay.

It's a little treat.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I love it. Okay.

I'm gonna have to try that.

We just found the cutest coffee shop. It's like half an hour away, but there's a bunch of regional parks near it, so I'm sure we'll be out there again. But I'm like, I wanna go back. It had like the Bridgerton type flowers everywhere, and it was like an old historic building, and I was like, I'm here for the vibes, and maybe coffee on the side. Yes.

I love that.

Yeah.

⁓ Yes, I am

guilty of being the one that snaps a picture of my coffee and a shop. I'm always snapping the pictures. I heard it somewhere, phone before food. Have you heard that before? Yeah, picture before food. Yeah. You're going to find when you move, you're going to find lots of cute coffee shops.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm. Yep. I love it.

Thanks.

I'm

so excited for exploring a new area and Philadelphia has such a reputation for being a foodie city. So I'm really, I have so many places saved already just from scrolling Instagram and they, yeah, I'm gonna have so much fun. I'm so excited to just explore the East coast and yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

my god.

Hi, that thing.

Okay, so my last question is what is one thing people don't know about you that you wish that they did?

Kind of a, could be a big one.

Yeah. Well, I don't know.

I don't know that, I mean, it's not a secret. It was always a secret growing up that I'm adopted.

I did not know that about you. No.

I've shared it here and there because growing up in elementary school kids were mean and they would tell me that I was adopted because nobody wanted me. were trying to get rid of me. And so then I got really scared and I didn't want to tell anybody and it wasn't until I was in college, literally college, that I started telling people that I was adopted.

Okay.

It was like, okay, like, that's cool. Like no big deal. Yeah. I girl. my gosh. If we have the best story, this is Jerry Springer. Like I, so I, it was a closed adoption. And when I turned 18, I was able to find my birth parents. If I wanted to, I did not want to, I wanted to wait until I was.

Yeah, that is wild. Man, kids are mean.

I cannot believe. Yeah, let's do it.

like in a good career, I felt confident about like life. Life is never perfect, but life was like, enough to able to like, hey, birth parents, I'm not a hooker. Okay, so I then waited until I was 35 to start looking and I was always told that my mom, birth mom hid the pregnancy, that nobody knew she was pregnant with me.

Mm-hmm.

I was breached, so I was a C-section, and then she gave me up for adoption. Closed adoption, didn't want anybody to know. So in my crazy, I listened to way too many podcasts, like how to track down people, podcasts like True Crime Podcasts. I'm feeling like I'm an investigator. am looking because when I get my envelope from the adoption agency on,

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Can I find her the only way that I could find her is if the birth? Parents said they wanted to find me and I wanted to find them then we could they would give us information Well, she came birth mom came to find me when I turned 18 and I thought until 20 more years later 15 more years later and So she I was able to get information it was like an address and her name

Okay.

nothing. So then I start researching and it looks like she lived in a house that was literally about 10 minutes from where I live now, which is crazy because she was part of the Air Force and there's an Air Force base that is nearby us and she living on base. She used to work at the commissary store. Anyway, she then I literally Facebook stalk track her down paid for a few programs to find her. I find her son.

my gosh.

Mm-hmm.

So I think, I message him and I say, hey, I'm Tawny. I think your mom is my mom. I don't think that's how the email went, but he never responds to me. She reaches out to me. We connect through text and email and she gives me a little bit more about my background. So she was pregnant with me. Birth dad was pissed. Birth dad said, you cannot let anybody know they had me. He didn't even let her.

Yeah.

hold me, made sure that they came and took me away. I was adopted four months after I was born by my parents who are amazing parents. I'm so, so grateful for the whole story. And you know, I have this like rooted belief that all the things happened to get me to where I am now, right? So then, so then she tells me, this is the good part. She tells me, so we move from,

Thank

Yep. Yeah.

Indio, this was in the desert, like Palm Springs area of California. We move, we get stationed in Europe, London, I believe, and they get out there together and she, is, birth dad is not nice to her, is hurting her. She goes to his commanding officer and says, hey, he's doing X, Y, and Z to me. He gets, birth dad gets dishonorably discharged.

Whoa.

goes

back to the United States. She then stays. She says, I have one too many margaritas at the bar and then your brother was born. That was the one I read out. Okay, so he's like half brother, right? Half biological brother. She then meets a man who's amazing. She moves, she lives in Virginia. She lives a happy life. She has her son that she's still very close with, her mom and her sister.

No.

She is close with them, but birth dad, when he comes home, goes and gets with birth mom's sister, they have a baby. They have a baby. I have a sister cousin. I have a...

What?

You have a sister cousin. my gosh.

That's crazy. The audacity of this man.

Right?

It's Jerry Springer. So I then reach out to this girl, this sister cousin. She has no relationship with the birth dad. He is a complete, you know what? She's tried to reach out to him and he wants nothing to do with her. whatever. I've never, I've, and truthfully, mom to mom, I wanted my birth mom to know your choice.

30 some odd years ago, now 43 years ago. I'm so grateful for your choice. Because I know, and I'm sure you're similar as a mom, when it's our kids, you just had a birthday, right? Your son just had a birthday. Do you relive the birth story in your head? Yeah. We go through like, my gosh, I was waking up at 5 a.m. to go have you, and then like, retail. She's gotta do that.

Yep.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

I was a C-section, I was breached. She's got the scar. Like, 43 years ago, the scars weren't done the way they're done, not scars, but the cuts, right? So I've got to think about me every November 2nd. And I want to let her know, like, thank you, I'm good. Well, she doesn't really care. I don't even talk to her. She wants, I've tried to reach out, say happy birthday, happy Mother's Day.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

she wants nothing to do with me, that's fine. I didn't need her in my life. I don't want her in my life. I just wanted to say thank you, that's it. I did what I needed to do. But I still am connected with the sister cousin. She's great. She was in the military too, has three beautiful boys, but the birth dad wants nothing to do with either one of us. How many other kids does he have? I don't even know, but that is one thing people don't know about me.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

That might, I mean, we're early in this podcast, but I feel like this might be the story that wins them all. Like, that is amazing. Thank you for sharing that with us. And I'm glad you were able to find someone to connect with about it. like that, I mean, I don't know, worked out, but kind of like you said, like, just to be like, hey,

Okay.

Yeah.

Everything happens for a reason and you have such a beautiful life right now. And so much of that, like every single piece got you to where you are. So.

Yeah. Yes. And

I, know, and whenever I have issues ever, I'm like, that's because I'm adopted. It's because of the birth. I always have a reason. No, I'm just kidding.

You're like, it's not my fault, it's this. That

is amazing. Thank you for just sharing so much of your wisdom and your experience with us. I think that this is something so many people are going to relate to. And I know at the very least, I am walking away just feeling so good after talking with you. So I really appreciate it.

Yay.

Where can people find you if they want to follow you online?

So I am the most active on Instagram. It's pretty simple. It's just tani.pano on Instagram there. But then I also dabbled in TikTok mostly over the summer.

grew pretty big over there. That's more my funny stuff, not my makeup stuff and skincare and wellness stuff. It's my, the funny like mom life stuff over on TikTok. And that's just at Tawny Pano.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yes, okay. Well, I will link to both of those in the show notes so that people can follow you easily.

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Besties Unfiltered. I hope today's conversation left you feeling inspired and connected. Remember, we're all in this together and there's power in sharing our stories. If you loved today's episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your besties. And as always, keep being real, keep being you, and I'll catch you next time. No filter, just friendship.