I'm so excited to bring this episode back because it's one that's really close to my heart. In it, I share my testimony and the story of how Jesus completely changed my life. Looking back, I can see His hand in every part of the journey, and I hope hearing it reminds you that He's writing your story with just as much love and intention.

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Welcome back everybody, happy Wednesday.

2

We are here with another episode at Ever

Be and today is going to be a good one.

3

Today I'm going to be sharing

my testimony, my story.

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How I came to know the Lord and

deepen my relationship with him.

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And I'm excited to share this one because

it's like the biggest story of my life.

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Pretty much the story of how the Lord

has captured my heart and, convicted

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me to give my entire life to him.

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So I'm excited to share it today.

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I'm excited to share this

part of my life with you.

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And can I just say, I just, I just love

that we're doing this, this whole podcast.

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I love that I'm recording this right

now, because if you haven't heard

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episode one, I basically go into the

reason why I wanted to start this

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podcast was literally so we could go

deep and so that we can have like the

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raw, good, meaningful conversations.

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And I realized as I was like preparing

for this episode, that there's so much

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of my story that I haven't shared yet.

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And not because I haven't wanted

to, or because it's not meaningful,

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but just because there's just

like these little details that.

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I don't know.

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Like, I just don't really make

sense in a feed post or in a reel

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and only really makes sense if you

tell the whole context of the story.

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So a lot of this really is like

never before shared and I'm just

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excited to, to bring it all to the

light and to just share with you how

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amazing the Lord has been in my life.

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So let's start in the beginning.

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I was born and raised Catholic.

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My family is from Colombia, South America.

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And I would say at least back then

when I was born and maybe still now,

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I don't know, times have changed,

but at least when I was born, like a

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lot of Latin American countries and

like probably the majority of the

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population in Latin American countries

were Catholic or are Catholic.

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And so my family is Catholic.

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And I, like I said, was

born and raised Catholic.

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And what I came to realize looking back

now is that I was raised more in like a

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culturally Catholic setting, not really

like a practicing Catholic setting.

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So what that looked like practically was

like I knew who God was and like every

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good Catholic grandma and mom, my, my mom

and my grandma taught me to love Mary.

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So I knew about that.

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And we went to church sometimes,

although it wasn't every Sunday.

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But I grew up knowing what the faith was.

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I grew up knowing who the Lord

was and that he was my father.

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Um, but other than that.

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It, there wasn't much depth to it.

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Um, I didn't really have

like a personal relationship.

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Like God was more of like a, like a

distant grandfather that like looked

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upon me, you know, but it wasn't really

like an active player in my life.

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And really faith to me felt more

of like, kind of like a fairy

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tale, kind of like a fable story.

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Like one of those things that you

just like heard a lot growing up,

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but wasn't really like Um, I remember

my grandma, she would always play

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out the creation story for us.

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These memories are so vivid to me, um,

of me being like, I don't know, like

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between the ages of like five and eight,

probably where my grandma would come visit

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us from Colombia and stay with us for

a few weeks or like a month at a time.

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And she'd open the Bible and

it was always chapter one.

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It was always Genesis chapter one, like

the creation story in the beginning.

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Right.

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And.

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She would go to the bat, she

would like hide us in the

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bathroom and turn the lights off.

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And she would open the Bible and start

reading, I think maybe from memory or I

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don't remember if she had a flashlight

or something like that, you know, but she

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would start in the beginning, you know,

it was dark and then, and then there

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were stars and then there was, you know,

the moon and the sun and she would have

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these little flashlights to like emulate

the stars and then she would, you know,

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turn on the light or start opening the

door to show like the brightness of the

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sun and the moon that was shining in.

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And she made that one creation story

so vivid and so captivating for me.

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And so that's a memory I have.

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When I was little, but all in all, it

kind of made the faith, like I said,

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like a story, like a fable, like a

fantasy story that you just hear growing

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up, that's kind of like, Oh, wow.

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Like captivating, but

like, that's not real.

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You know what I mean?

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But even so, I always had an interest

in my faith and those little moments

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that I had when I was little with my

grandma and with my mom talking to me

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about, you know, God and Mary, those

stuck with me and I always had a love

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for my faith and an interest in my faith.

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And growing up, I went to youth group.

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I, did some retreats in

middle school and high school.

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So I would.

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Say I was probably more involved

than maybe like the average kid.

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Um, not all my friends were as involved

in church as I was, but like I said, there

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still wasn't like that personal component

of my relationship with the Lord.

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Like it was still kind of like an

extracurricular that I was like proud to

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have in my life, but it wasn't something

that I felt like I owned and I knew

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Why or what I was doing really, and

even though I was involved in all these

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kind of like youth group type stuff,

it wasn't something that really, like,

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faith wasn't necessarily something like

defined my life or my family's life.

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We didn't really live out our faith,

besides going to mass on Sunday.

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And even then we didn't always

go to mass every Sunday.

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Being in Seattle, there's like.

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Way more cloudy days than not.

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And so when the sun came out,

sometimes we were like, Oh

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yeah, like let's go on a hike.

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Like, let's go to the park and it's fine.

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Like God will understand, you know,

and we would like skip mass one day.

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Cause it was like a really nice day

out and we just wanted to be outside

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or maybe a new movie would come out

and we were like, Oh yeah, like we

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didn't make it to mass this morning.

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Like that's okay.

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We're going to go to the movies and

well, I guess we missed evening mass too.

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So, you know, we would just kind of

be on the back burner and it was just

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kind of something that like, we grew

up identifying as Catholic, Yeah.

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But it wasn't what defined us

and it wasn't like a practice

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that our family actually had.

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And so sometimes I look back and I

wonder like, how did I stay Catholic?

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Or like, how did I keep an interest

throughout middle school and high school

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when it wasn't that big of a deal for

my family or when it wasn't really

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like a huge part of our family life?

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And as I was reflecting, I see

the way the Lord allowed little

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moments of encounter in my life

that increased my faith and that

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kept me close to him in some way.

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For example, my first interaction,

with Eucharist was on a retreat.

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In eighth grade, I think at that

point I had only been on like some

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local mission trips and I didn't

really know what a retreat was.

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And so when I signed up for this

retreat, I remember going and being

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confused pretty much the whole weekend

as to like, why we weren't like pulling

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weeds or like painting someone's house

or like doing community service work.

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Because that's all I'd

ever done on mission trips.

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And I came to find out that a retreat

is really more of like a prayerful time

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of reflection, which you might already

know that, but eighth grade Mari did not.

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And so they had an adoration night

one night and they told us about

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how we were going to have a time

of prayer, a time of silence.

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And we did like a whole rosary

around the campus and then ended

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in like the main stage area.

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And they had Jesus

exposed in the Eucharist.

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All the middle schoolers were sitting down

on the ground and they had worship music

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going on and the lights were dimmed and

there was candles and stuff like that.

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And I remember the ambience was like

really peaceful and really beautiful.

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And I felt like this draw to Jesus

in the Eucharist and this awe and

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truly this like adoration in my heart.

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It's like my soul knew,

which obviously it did.

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It's like my soul knew like

the King was before me.

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But yeah, I wasn't really sure like

what the gravity of that really meant.

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I just knew it was holy and it was good.

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And the priest started processing

Jesus around the aisles to the

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different students and he would stop

in front of, , each kid and allow

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them to have a moment with Jesus in

the Eucharist right in front of them.

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And I'd never seen that before.

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I don't, Even know if I had been to

adoration before, like at my parish.

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So this was a pretty powerful, like

first experience of adoration in general.

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And I remember feeling this anticipation

and like this nervousness as the

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priest was getting closer to me.

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Cause I was like, Oh my gosh,

like, what am I supposed to do?

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Like, what's, what's about to happen?

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Like, who is this?

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You know?

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And the priest is coming by in

front of every student, every kid.

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And he comes in front of me and he

raises the monstrance above my face and

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I remember this vividly, like in my head,

I remember, um, the room getting dark.

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Like, I remember like, it seems

like my surroundings just like

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dimmed and like this glow just

like came from the Eucharist.

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Now it wasn't anything

like supernaturally crazy.

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Like maybe it was the spotlight.

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If there was one on Jesus, I don't

know, but like the room went dark and

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there was just a glow around our Lord

in the Eucharist, in the monstrance.

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And I.

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My, my breath was taken away and I

remember like I looked at him and I

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knew that was the Lord and I remember I

took the humorous veil, like that fabric

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that the priest wears on around him,

that he uses to grab the monstrance.

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We were able to touch that and kiss it.

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And I remember I grabbed it and kissed

it and almost felt like I had to look

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away from Jesus because I just knew he

was the Lord and I just felt unworthy.

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And I just, you know, I looked at him

for a second and then I bowed my head

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and kissed the veil and, and then the

priest moved on to the next person.

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And that was a very

powerful moment for me.

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And I wouldn't say that

that like changed my life.

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Like it wasn't like the next day I was

like mother Teresa, like not at all, but

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it left a lasting impression in my heart.

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And it made the Lord made sure that

I knew That his body and blood were

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truly present in the Eucharist.

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And I never doubted that

for the rest of my life.

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I, I never had a moment where I

wondered, is this just a symbol?

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Like I just knew from that

moment that that was him.

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Later down the road, a few years

later, I got the opportunity to

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go to a Steubenville conference,

which are really popular now.

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It's kind of like a SEEK, I think for

like middle school and high school again,

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or maybe it's just for high school.

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I can't remember.

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I think I went, I think

I went in high school.

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But I was able to have Another encounter

like that, with adoration and in

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this beautiful setting with all these

young kids and music, and just kind

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of having that powerful experience,

in front of the Lord and adoration.

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And at that same conference, you

know, I started hearing these speakers

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that I had never heard before.

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I heard Jason Everett and, maybe even

Sarah Swofford, or I can't remember who

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else, who else was there, but that was

the first time that I really heard these

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messages of like hope and joy and virtue

and chastity and faith and how to do

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these things in the everyday life and how,

your faith should be a part of your life.

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I had never heard messages like these

before, because again, it wasn't something

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that was really talked about in my house

and it wasn't really something that

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was present in my community either.

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And I'm grateful for my parents for

encouraging me to go on these things

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and for sending me on these things, even

though I know now where they were at

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in their faith at that time, and they

weren't very strong in their faith.

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They didn't really know

anything about their faith.

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They just kind of did things because

that's what you do as a Catholic.

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And you had to do like this.

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Check the boxes, you know, but they

weren't really catechized or didn't

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really have a relationship with Jesus.

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And it wasn't really until my mom went

through her own reversion, kind of like

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mid to later high school years for me,

that our whole family started coming

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back to the church and started changing.

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And it was a really beautiful process.

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And when all that started happening, I

kind of started to realize like, wow,

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like my family is kind of different.

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Like, there's not a lot of people around

me who are really practicing Catholics.

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And my family's like kind of

starting to get into this and

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going to church a lot more.

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Like all of a sudden my mom's like,

we were never skipping a Sunday mass.

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Like, you know, we complained, we were

like, Oh my gosh, mom, this sucks.

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But she was very firm on that.

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And so grateful she was.

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And, you know, my family started to come

back and, , it was All these things were

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happening at home, but then I would go

to school and I didn't really have people

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at school who were on a similar journey.

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And actually my closest group

of friends ended up being like a

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group of Mormon kids from school

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because they lived such a good life,

they were such good people and they

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motivated me to learn more about my faith.

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And to kind of question, like,

okay, like, why do we do what we do?

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How can I stand up for my faith?

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Cause they would ask a lot of

questions, like as Catholics,

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like, why do you do this?

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Or why do you believe this?

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Or why not this?

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You know, and not in a bad way.

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Like they were never trying to, you

know, sway me or, um, debunk my faith,

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but they were asking questions and they

were very knowledgeable about their faith

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for the age that we were at being like,

Sophomores and juniors in high school.

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Like they knew everything

about their faith and I knew

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pretty much close to nothing.

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I felt like and sadly I think that's

the case for a lot of Catholics,

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especially in high school and college.

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You realize like, I actually don't

really know why we do what we do.

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And so I hope that this podcast can

maybe shed some light if we ever get

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into like theology and stuff like that.

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But anyways, I don't

want to get sidetracked.

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Basically, these Mormon friends became

my really good friends and they were

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the first people that really showed

me what it looked like to live a

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Christ centered life and what it

looked like to live a moral life.

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Because the thing is, most of my

school I felt like was Christian,

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um, like a lot of the kids that

I was friends with at my school.

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We're non denominational Christian,

and this is like no hate to non

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denominational Christians at all.

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I've met some really amazing Christian

women, um, but unfortunately these

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group of people at my school were

kind of living a double life.

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Like they didn't really

live a good Christian life.

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These kids at my school that were

all Christian were also the ones

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that were sleeping around with

people or partying and getting

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drunk all the time or getting high.

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And so I had a hard time finding like a

real solid group of people because I only

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had the one girlfriend who was Catholic

and we were getting really close, but

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then I also wanted to be friends with

these other like cool Christian people.

256

But then I was like, I have felt

some resistance in my heart.

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Cause I was like, well, like this

isn't actually very Christian.

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And then I had the Mormons

who were like amazing people.

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Plus they were so much fun.

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And so I just guess I naturally

gravitated towards them.

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And actually my first serious

dating relationship was with

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one of the guys in that group.

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And he, along with the girls that I

was friends with and the other guys

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in that group, like all kind of showed

me what it was like to have standards.

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Like they always talked about that.

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They always talked about like, you

know, living a good life and having

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good standards in your life and.

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Living up to what the

Lord like made you for.

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And the thing is like, I know

now like truth is captivating

270

and that was attractive to me.

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Like the way they talked about

living a good Christian life

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actually was attractive and they

looked happy and fun and cool.

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And I was like, okay, like

I want to be like you.

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And so they made me desire

that good moral life.

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They made me desire my Christian faith

more and they made me really want to dive

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into my Catholic teaching so that I could.

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You know, at least stand up for

my faith and be like, well, as

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Catholics, like we do this and this

is why, you know, I wanted to be

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confident about why I was Catholic.

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So this friend group was actually a great

blessing that the Lord gave me in my life,

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because if it wasn't for this guy that

I dated and the other girls who I became

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close with in this group, I probably

would have partied a lot in high school.

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I probably would have drank

a lot earlier than I did.

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Probably would have lost my

virginity before I was married.

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And my life would just have looked a lot

different, starting from high school.

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And I don't even want to know what

college would have been like if I

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had started high school out that way.

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So I'm really grateful for that.

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And I remember all through high school

and college, just kind of having that

290

divide in my heart, kind of like I was

talking about before where like, I wanted

291

to be friends with these people, but

in my heart I felt like a resistance

292

and I felt like there was a divide.

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Like I wanted to be in the party scene.

294

And I'm just like, naturally a student.

295

Social like butterfly.

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I'm an extrovert.

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I love making friends.

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I'm always like more of the merrier.

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So I like wanted to be

where the people were.

300

I wanted to be in the party scene and I

was always looking for validation in boys.

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I mean, I had like eight boyfriends

in high school, um, which is a lot,

302

also part of my heart, like knew

that Jesus didn't make me for that.

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You know, I knew in my heart, like the

Lord didn't make me to live that way.

304

and that that wasn't like a full life.

305

So by like senior year in high school,

when you're starting to apply to colleges

306

and stuff like that, I knew that I

wanted to go to a Catholic school so

307

that I could find that same sort of

community that I had with the Mormon

308

people in high school, but with Catholic

people and that I could finally be on

309

a path to live life and pursue Christ

with other young Catholic people.

310

And so I chose to go to a Catholic

school in Washington state in

311

search for that Catholic community.

312

And oddly enough, sadly enough,

there wasn't really a strong

313

Catholic community on that campus.

314

And a lot of the ministry that

was offered was again, like non

315

denominational Christian type stuff.

316

And a lot of the retreats

they offer, they didn't really

317

even have mass or, adoration.

318

Adoration was maybe offered once a month.

319

I don't even want to say

it was offered that way.

320

That often, it was maybe like once or

twice a semester, at least that I knew

321

of, and there was daily mass, but at that

point in my life, I wasn't really at a

322

point where I was going to daily mass.

323

And one time I think I tried to

go and there was literally like

324

five people at daily mass and I

was like, uh, I'm not coming back.

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And then the people that were going

to church every Sunday, because there

326

were a lot of students that went every

Sunday, like hundreds of students that

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went every Sunday, they were the same

people who were partying and getting

328

blacked out drunk the nights before,

Friday and Saturday that weekend.

329

And so I did it with them, you know, I

tried to go with the crowd and tried to

330

keep my faith and kind of tried to walk

this double life, tried to walk this

331

very fine line of, no, I am that Catholic

girl, but I'm also with everybody else

332

because this is what you do in college.

333

And this is my time to be free and

make friends and live a full life.

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And, like I said, I'm an extrovert

and I just like have always had like a

335

zeal for life and a passion for life and

I didn't want me pursuing my faith to

336

extinguish that zeal that I had for life.

337

And I know now that

that's obviously not true.

338

And I know that.

339

True zeal and true fullness of life

and true joy is found in Christ.

340

But at the time I thought

you had to pick one.

341

I didn't know that a life with

Christ could be so wonderful

342

and exciting and beautiful.

343

And unfortunately, um, it took a

really like rock bottom moment, the

344

first semester of my sophomore year,

where I just had a really bad night

345

out and my best friend sat me down

in the kitchen and she was like, Hey.

346

Do you want to talk about last night?

347

And, , I thought we were going to debrief

all the details of the night before,

348

like we usually did on Saturday mornings.

349

And she was like, no, I like, I

want to make sure you're okay.

350

Like, are you okay?

351

Like after everything that happened

last night, like, are you okay?

352

And I was surprised by her question

because I was very confident in who I was.

353

And I was never someone who was like,

Trying to be like fake or, you know, I

354

wasn't trying to live a double life and

I always tried to owned up to my action.

355

So I knew everything that I was doing.

356

And I told her that I was like, you know,

I don't do anything I don't want to do.

357

Like, I'm totally fine.

358

Like I totally own up to everything I did.

359

And it was just another crazy weekend.

360

And like, yeah, like it was

a little bit, you know, worse

361

than normal, but like, I'm fine.

362

Like everything's fine.

363

And.

364

In that moment, the Lord, I think,

allowed the Holy Spirit to open

365

my eyes to the severity of the

statement that I was making.

366

I think in that moment, the Lord

allowed me to hear myself say these

367

words and to realize just how distant

I must have gotten from my faith and

368

from that like moral line that I once

wanted to live, that I didn't even

369

realize the way that I was living.

370

And I realized how not okay I

must have been if I was truly okay

371

with the way that I was living.

372

And I'm so grateful that my friend asked

me that, and I'm so grateful that the

373

Lord allowed me to have that moment

to have that wake up moment because

374

the next day I went to confession for

the first time in a really long time.

375

And it was a really good confession.

376

It was a confession that I actually

felt true remorse for my sins.

377

It wasn't one where I was just

saying like, you know, what my

378

sins were, knowing that I was going

to do them all the weekend after.

379

No, like I actually truly felt

sorrow for the way that I was

380

living and wanted to repent and

wanted To leave that life behind.

381

And that was the first time

I really ever felt that way.

382

And the priest said something to me

that really struck me that day and stuck

383

with me for a long time after that.

384

And the Lord must have just put this

on his heart because he didn't know

385

much about me, but he said like,

Mari, you want to be married someday.

386

Right.

387

And I actually remember he said like,

you want to find your Prince charming.

388

Right.

389

And little did you know, I've

always been a hopeless romantic.

390

I love love.

391

I loved.

392

Princess stories, you know, and the prince

and the prince, when they get married and

393

everything, he lives happily ever after.

394

Like that was me.

395

And I was like, yeah, of course, of

course I want to find my Prince charming.

396

Like of course I want

to find a good husband.

397

And he said, and you want that man

to be a good Catholic man, right?

398

Like that's what you're looking for.

399

And I was like, yes, I want a great

Catholic man to be my husband,

400

future father of my children.

401

Exactly.

402

And it struck my heart and

like I said, it stuck with me

403

for a while and he was right.

404

He was right because I was expecting

some good Catholic man to see me drunk

405

at a party And want to pursue me like

that doesn't make any sense actually.

406

And so I realized that I first needed

to change and that I needed to work

407

on my relationship with the Lord and

rediscover like who he made me to be and,

408

and what kind of life he wanted for me

so that once I had my identity firmly

409

rooted in Christ, then I would actually

be available to meet a good Catholic man

410

that would continue to lead me to Christ.

411

And so in that moment, I.

412

Swore off boys and I decided that I

was going to go into a period of my

413

life where I was truly going to focus

on my relationship with the Lord, pour

414

into my friendships and just kind of

like ignore boys, just like not date

415

anybody, not pursue anybody, not be in

any sort of relationship or whatever.

416

And what was crazy, I didn't

really tell anybody this.

417

Um, I told my friends, but I didn't

really tell my parents or my family.

418

And around the same time, literally just

a few days or like a week after that

419

confession and a week after I made that

decision, my dad sent me a care package.

420

Maybe it was both my mom and my dad,

421

like they sent me a care package to

school and in it was a book called

422

Written by Jason Everett called how to

find your soulmate without losing your

423

soul I don't know if maybe they knew

what was going on or not, but it was

424

very timely that that book ended up in

my hands And I started reading it and I

425

couldn't put it down because I had never

heard that This concept of chastity and

426

purity be presented so beautifully, and

even just like the meaning of a single

427

kiss with, which at that point didn't

really mean much to me, like, was so

428

beautiful and to be respected and.

429

It was just not something I

had really experienced at this

430

point in my relationships,

431

but it captured my heart and

it was so attractive to me.

432

And I started reading through

this book and they listed out

433

kind of like all the red flags or

all the like wrong guys to avoid.

434

And I was like, wow, I

literally could name.

435

a guy for every single one of those

chapters that I've met or had a

436

relationship in some way or whatever.

437

And I was like, I need to get it together.

438

That book was a blessing to me because

it totally shifted my mindset on purpose

439

of dating and how to prepare for marriage

and how to become the godly woman that

440

a wonderful Christian man, wonderful

Catholic man would want to marry.

441

And so I started intentionally praying

for my future husband every single

442

night, and I had a notes in my phone

and I wrote down in the notes, like

443

the top characteristics, both like

personality traits and physical traits

444

that I wanted in my future husband.

445

And I would pray with it every single

night and just ask the Lord, like,

446

Lord, I pray for this future man that

you have for me and all these things.

447

I pray that he would

be like this and this.

448

And I pray that, you know, I

Whatever it was that he's strong

449

in his faith and all these things.

450

And I began to pray for

him every single night.

451

And if you haven't heard episode two

yet, where I talk about my relationship

452

with Trey, my story with Trey, then

you literally need to go hear that

453

because it ties in back into this

phone note that I had with all the

454

characteristics of my future husband.

455

It's so, so crazy.

456

How the Lord answered that

prayer so specifically.

457

And so from then on, I started to sort of

listen to that side of my heart that was

458

nudging me towards good, that was nudging

me towards a Christ centered life, a moral

459

life to keep good standards in my life

and truly know, I know now it was the

460

Holy Spirit just whispering, you know,

that the Lord has bigger plans for you.

461

The Lord loves you.

462

The Lord made you for

so much more than this.

463

the Lord made you for an abundant

life, which in the end is all

464

I was really seeking was just

like this joyful, full life.

465

And it all culminated in this moment of

466

So this whole like rock bottom moment,

starting to have a change of heart

467

happened in the fall of my sophomore year.

468

And then second semester sophomore year

in January, while we were on break, it

469

was January 1st, like new year's mass.

470

I went to mass and I received communion

and I knelt down in the pew and I prayed.

471

I don't really know why this prayer

came from my heart, but it sort of just

472

like surged from my heart, this prayer

of surrender of my life to the Lord.

473

And I remember praying there.

474

I remember closing my eyes and like

opening my hands in the pew and just being

475

like, Lord, I surrender my life to you.

476

I know you have made me for more

than what I am living right now.

477

I know that you have given me

great gifts to be a leader.

478

I know that you've given me like

a heart for you and to share you.

479

And I'm not using these gifts.

480

I'm not living this way right now.

481

Please use me.

482

And I prayed that like, Lord, please

use me in whatever way you want.

483

And I will do anything you asked me to.

484

Oh my gosh, you guys, that is

a dangerous prayer to pray.

485

If you are not ready to actually

follow through on that commitment

486

because the Lord takes you up on that.

487

And he took me up on that.

488

I remember praying like, Lord, if

I have to change my friends and

489

drop my friends, I will do that.

490

If I have to drop schools and move

across the country, if that's what

491

you want me to do, I'll do it.

492

If I have to get up and speak in front

of a million people, I will do that.

493

I don't really know why I said those

specific things, but looking at my life

494

now, that's kind of what I'm doing.

495

I moved away from where I was living

to be in a more Catholic community.

496

I have this platform speaking

to thousands of people about the

497

Lord and Christ centered living.

498

So.

499

When I say be careful when you pray

for those things, I mean it because

500

the Lord will take you up on that.

501

Nothing brings more joy to the Lord than

a soul that surrenders their life to

502

him, opens their hands and says, use me

as an instrument to bring people to you.

503

I mean, it is just, it's a gift.

504

And he did that.

505

And so after that prayer, all of

a sudden, I started hearing about

506

this organization called focus.

507

I'd never heard of focus before.

508

And after that day, all of a sudden,

so many people in my life just would

509

randomly bring up focus and they

had never brought it up before.

510

And these were people who I saw often

and they were just like, Oh yeah.

511

Like I just like went to this like

focus conference or like, Oh yeah.

512

Have you heard of this focus

thing that's going on on different

513

college campuses or like whatever.

514

Like it just kept.

515

Getting brought up over and over again.

516

And so I felt like I had

to look into it and I did.

517

I went home and I Googled like,

focus, you know, fellowship of

518

Catholic university students.

519

What is this?

520

And I learned about the ministry

that they did and how they brought

521

missionaries to college campuses

to make a more vibrant Catholic

522

community and to build up disciples.

523

And I was like, this is it.

524

Like, this is what I need to do.

525

I need to be a missionary.

526

I didn't really know

what that actually meant.

527

I didn't know that that was

like a job after you graduated.

528

So as a sophomore in college, I

literally applied to be a missionary.

529

And I remember there's like a couple

of questions, like, are you ready

530

to move to a different state or are

you ready to commit for two years?

531

And I didn't check those boxes.

532

Cause I was like, well, I'm a student.

533

I don't really know how that's

supposed to work, but get back to

534

me and we'll figure something out.

535

And I just, I just had this desire to

serve and I had this love for the Lord

536

and I had this love for his people and

for bringing him to his people that just

537

like started to grow and grow and grow.

538

And so I came back to campus after

break with this idea of focus of wanting

539

to bring them to my campus and start

Bible studies and bring missionaries

540

and have this vibrant community that

I wish that I had when I got there so

541

that all these other students that were

coming for the same reason wouldn't

542

get lost in this, like, you know,

wild degenerate party culture that.

543

Pretty much every college campus

has on its campus right now.

544

And unfortunately they weren't

able to bring focus on at that

545

time, but they did encourage me

to start my own Bible studies.

546

And that's where I met Trey.

547

We met because we both wanted

to start Bible studies together.

548

And again, all that, all those

details are in episode two.

549

So go and listen to that

to get the full scoop.

550

But basically we started leading

these Bible studies together and we

551

started pursuing Christ together.

552

And even though we were really diving

into our faith, I was still sort of

553

had like one foot kind of in like the

party culture and most of my body, I

554

think, in the Christ centered world.

555

But I was still kind of like,

Oh, I'm not fully ready to

556

let go of all this stuff yet.

557

Cause that's the way my

friends were living too.

558

And that's like what we did.

559

Until I got an internship with

Focus, I think this was probably

560

the first or second year that

they even offered internships.

561

And I moved to Colorado for the summer

and that summer changed my entire life.

562

That summer changed my entire life

because for the first time I met

563

other women my age who were on fire

for their faith and who actually were

564

striving to live a Christ centered life.

565

And they modeled for me what that looked

like and they taught me how to pray and

566

they walked with me as I tried to figure

out how to let go of these sins that I

567

had and actually I remember having a lot

of conversations with them where they

568

would kind of tell me about how like,

yeah, like we don't do these things with

569

our boyfriends or like, no, we don't

get drunk or like, 21 and I remember

570

thinking like, yeah, Oh, I'm so going

to crack them by the end of this summer.

571

Like they're so faking it.

572

Like they just did that to get this job.

573

Like they just say that to get

like the Catholic internship, you

574

know, but like, there's no way

they're actually living this way.

575

Like everybody parties in college,

everybody like hooks up with people

576

in college, like all this stuff.

577

Right.

578

I didn't believe them.

579

And the more I got to know them over the

summer, we became really good friends.

580

And the more I got to see

that they were not lying.

581

This was not a persona.

582

This was That they were putting on.

583

This was like actually how they

were striving to live their life.

584

And what was so baffling to me was that

they were so cool and normal and fun.

585

Like they were like such fun girls that

I totally would have wanted to be friends

586

with, even if they weren't Catholic, or

even if we weren't at this internship.

587

And so they just lived this attractive

life that I was like, all right.

588

Like if you're doing it and you

say it's possible and you're so

589

fun and joyful and cool, like.

590

I think I have to hop on board.

591

Like, I think I have to try.

592

And so I took that summer to start

changing my life and to start living a

593

more Christ centered life and to let go

of these mortal sins that I was living in.

594

And I remember Trey was kind of going

through similar things on his own as well.

595

And we had a lot of conversations that

summer of like, okay, what are we going

596

to change in our relationship and in

our friendships and the way we live?

597

And it was the start of

a whole new life for me.

598

And that summer I got to know who Christ

was because for the first time ever, I

599

spent an hour in prayer every single day.

600

Like that's what you do on these

focus internships besides working.

601

Like you have an hour of prayer

and adoration every single day.

602

You have mass every single day.

603

You pray the rosary every single day.

604

I think you also have the

opportunity to pray the divine

605

mercy chaplet every single day.

606

It's kind of crazy.

607

But the thing is, graces are so real.

608

You guys, your soul.

609

Can't help, but be transformed when

you are in the presence of Christ and

610

receiving him and in community with

such amazing people every single day.

611

And so that summer was huge for me.

612

And right after that summer, I was

going abroad to study abroad in Italy.

613

So I wasn't going back to campus and I

was already a little bit nervous about

614

going abroad because all my friends

were, science majors and I don't

615

know, they weren't able to go abroad.

616

So I wasn't really going

abroad with a lot of friends.

617

I had like one, maybe two girls that I

knew and that I was friends with abroad.

618

so I was already nervous about

not really knowing people, but.

619

Looking back, I know now that the Lord

set that up for me to give me the space

620

to start living into this like new

life, this like new and renewed Mari

621

that I had turned into that summer

and that I had discovered that summer.

622

He gave me that space abroad

where I wasn't surrounded by

623

the people that knew me well.

624

And that like had a certain expectation

of who I was and the way that I lived.

625

And it gave me an opportunity

to start fresh and to commit to

626

these things that I was all of a

sudden striving for in my life.

627

And I remember that it was hard.

628

I remember that there were people who like

knew of me and knew who I was and were

629

expecting me to like, go out all the time

and party big and all that kind of stuff.

630

And, um, I don't know, it was, it was a

little bit of a lonely time, but it was

631

also a very, beautiful time of, Intimacy

with the Lord because I didn't have

632

a lot of people to turn to and by the

grace of God, I would go to the chapel

633

and I would pray like every day and have

634

this like prayer routine that

I was building in my life and

635

continuing that consistency from

the summer, but on my own now.

636

And so before I came back to school

after that semester abroad, I remember

637

I texted my friends and we had this

whole conversation cause I was like

638

I need to sort of let them know like what

my life looks like now and what they can

639

expect when I go back to campus because

I had to tell them like how it was going

640

to be and that I wasn't going to get

drunk anymore and that I wouldn't be

641

drinking till I was 21 and that I was

going to be spending time praying every

642

single day and really focusing on my

faith and my relationship with the Lord.

643

And I was nervous to tell them because

There was obviously that possibility that

644

they wouldn't like that and that they

wouldn't like this new Mari and that they

645

would leave or abandon me or whatever.

646

Um, but they didn't and they

are still my best friends today.

647

Praise God.

648

They totally received me.

649

And I'll say that it, was maybe

hard for them to swallow at first.

650

They were like, okay, like, are

we still going to like have fun?

651

You know?

652

And I was like, of course, like,

we're not going to stop being friends.

653

And I am not asking you

to change your whole life.

654

Although if you want to like join

me, but like, I'm not judging you.

655

I'm not asking you to change your life.

656

I'm not, you know, imposing any of

my decisions on you, but I'm just

657

sharing like where I'm at right now.

658

Luckily, they totally

received me and supported me.

659

And they're like, your relationship

with God is really important.

660

And if that's what you want

to focus on, then like, we're

661

going to support you in that.

662

And the beautiful thing is slowly, I

did see their hearts change slowly.

663

We had so many more conversations

about our faith and we started

664

doing Bible study together.

665

And my best friend actually

entered into the Catholic church.

666

She was baptized and confirmed,

and I am her godmother.

667

And it was a beautiful, Season where

my growth was able to open doors for

668

my friends as well for them to dive

into their relationship with Jesus.

669

And what's crazy, you guys

is that the Lord showed me

670

so much grace in this season.

671

I look back and I, I truly don't know

how I did it because even now I feel like

672

living a good spiritual life and staying

committed to prayer and the sacraments

673

like can be really hard to be consistent.

674

But back then, I don't know, like

I was given so much grace and so

675

much confidence in my decisions.

676

I didn't sway on my decisions.

677

And for some reason, literally by the

grace of God, I would get up every single

678

morning an hour before class to go to

the student chapel that was on campus

679

and pray at the chapel for literally 60

minutes every single day before class.

680

I would read Saint books.

681

So I read St.

682

Faustina's Diary and Story of a Soul.

683

I read a book about St.

684

John Paul II.

685

I did a lot of 30 day

scripture challenges.

686

So I was constantly reading the Gospels

and doing Lectio Divina and really

687

learning what mental prayer was, what

contemplative prayer was, and just having

688

like conversations with the Lord where I

felt like for the first time ever, , He

689

was listening to me and I could like feel

the movement of his will in my heart.

690

And it was a beautiful,

beautiful time of grace and

691

I was just like in a remote

spiritual universe somehow.

692

Um, and my heart continued to grow

in love for the Lord and continue

693

to kind of be set on fire even more

for sharing the gospel with people.

694

and for evangelizing and

bringing other people into this

695

experience that I had found.

696

I just felt like I had hit the jackpot and

that everybody else had to know about it.

697

Because the thing is like, like I said,

like I always wanted to live this abundant

698

life and I always had this zeal for life.

699

And my fear was that if I lived a

Christ centered life, I would lose that.

700

But instead what I found was that I

had never been so much more me, so much

701

more like Mari than when I found Christ.

702

And when I was starting to live this

Christ centered life, I was like,

703

wow, like I am so much more joyful.

704

I have so much more freedom in my life.

705

Like I am so confident in who I

am and I could feel people like.

706

Being attracted to me in some way and

just being like, what does she have?

707

Like, like what is going on in her life?

708

You know, people would question,

like, what is going on with Mari?

709

Like, what is going on in her life?

710

And the answer really was just the Lord.

711

And so I started to follow this

desire that I had to evangelize and

712

started to listen to that prompting.

713

And I started a few Bible studies

on campus and I started, um, an

714

Instagram blog, which at the time

was called West Coast Catholic.

715

And I recently switched it to

my name, which is my current

716

Instagram blog at mari.

717

c.

718

wagner.

719

And on that blog, I just started

to share what my faith life

720

was like as a college student.

721

I called it West Coast Catholic because

Like you heard in my story earlier, I

722

felt like I was kind of like the only

Catholic person on the West coast.

723

And I knew that there had to be other

women out there like me who felt alone,

724

but who loved the Lord and just had no

idea how to live a good Christian life.

725

And so I stepped out in boldness.

726

Again, this was totally the Lord

giving me the grace to do this.

727

I don't know why I wasn't like that.

728

totally freaking out, but I wasn't.

729

And I started this blog and I just

started to share about my faith life.

730

And I just started to share about

my prayer and reflections on what I

731

thought about my faith and the Lord

and sharing about, um, how I was

732

living in chastity and virtue and

inspiring other people to hopefully

733

make these decisions in their life.

734

And all of this, my blog and me being

a Bible study leader and intentionally

735

investing in the girls that were in

my Bible studies and getting coffee

736

with them and all these things, this,

like what I know is now called mission

737

work was like taking over my life.

738

And I was like, Oh my gosh, school is

really getting in the way of all my.

739

Bible study planning meetings and

my coffee dates with my girls and my

740

blogging and all this kind of stuff.

741

And I knew that the Lord was calling

me to continue to live mission.

742

I mean, he's calling all of us to

live mission in some way, but he was

743

really intentionally calling me to

devote my life to making him known

744

and to sharing the gospel with people.

745

And so later that senior year of

college, I committed to being a

746

focus missionary with focus and I was

placed at UNL in Lincoln, Nebraska,

747

and I continue to do that kind of work

and it was beautiful and wonderful.

748

And I love those years as a missionary.

749

And if I didn't have West Coast

Catholic, our Catholic lifestyle

750

business, and if that hadn't grown

so much, I probably would have done

751

more years as a focus missionary.

752

Trey and I were growing our business

which we also launched in college.

753

And that'll have to be

a whole nother episode.

754

But it was growing and, you know, we

were just dedicated to helping people

755

experience a foretaste of heaven through

the products that we were creating.

756

And I was trying to create content

as well, to inspire people, to seek

757

Christ, to live a Christ centered life.

758

Really in hopes that somebody would

encounter it and finally feel like

759

they were known and that they belong

just like I felt that one summer

760

where I finally met women like me,

761

and that is still my hope and it's still

my goal and my mission with everything

762

that I create, I pray for you constantly

763

and I pray for the women who were

in the same place that I was.

764

And, you know, I pray for the girl

who's 19 and struggling with all these

765

questions in her life and wrestling

with what is right and wrong and

766

what the Lord is calling her to do.

767

And I hope that she finds my content

and is inspired and sees that you can

768

live a beautiful Christian life and be

in college and be relatable and fun.

769

Or maybe a woman who is 25 and she's

newly married or she's trying to figure

770

out adult life in the working world

and trying to figure out how to stay

771

strong in her faith in the midst of a

modern world that is so anti Christian.

772

Or maybe you're listening and you're in

your thirties and you're a young wife

773

and a young mom, and you're wanting to

learn how to bring the Catholic faith

774

to life in your home, how to root your

family and your marriage in Christ

775

and raise your kids in the faith.

776

Whoever you are, know that I'm

praying for you and know that.

777

I hope and I pray that my content can help

make you feel seen and known and that you

778

belong here and that you're not alone and

that you can change and that a life with

779

Christ is so, so beautiful and so worth it

780

because it is.

781

And I've experienced that every day

since the day that I surrendered

782

my life to the Lord and it has

been a continual surrender.

783

It's not just a one thing.

784

And I continue to

experience highs and lows.

785

I look back at my story and I see those

times where there was so much grace that

786

covered me and so much grace, um, in the

moments where I was learning to pray and

787

learning about my faith and that zeal

that I had and that was such a good and

788

beautiful time, but it isn't always like

that there's highs and there's lows.

789

And there's times where

prayer is really hard.

790

And I questioned the Lord and I

asked him why he's doing the things

791

that he's doing in our lives.

792

And I have to recenter and, you know,

go back to the saints or go back to

793

scripture and remind myself of the truth.

794

Um, so know that I am.

795

Like right there with you.

796

Like, I don't have it figured out.

797

I'm still on this journey and I'm still

every day coming to know the Lord's heart

798

more and more and learning to surrender

my life more and more and to find more of

799

that peace and that joy that he offers to

all of us when we give our life to him.

800

So that's my story, you guys.

801

Thanks for being here.

802

And if you've gotten

this far, props to you.

803

We're probably close to an hour.

804

Um, but that's my story.

805

And truly, to this day, I feel so

humbled and grateful that the Lord

806

has given me a place to share it.

807

I don't know why the Lord has

called me to share it in such

808

big ways and with so many people.

809

And it's crazy to know that thousands of

people will hear this, but, you Like I

810

said, I pray that it moves your heart.

811

I pray that it motivates you, that it

inspires you to change something in your

812

life, to maybe listen to that nudge of the

Holy Spirit that you have been feeling in

813

your heart or that call that you know the

Lord has been waiting for you to take.

814

And I hope most of all that it,

815

you to get off your phone and

get off your screen and go to the

816

chapel and spend time with Jesus.

817

That is the biggest thing that I have

learned in my life and through this whole

818

process is that prayer is what makes

our relationship with the Lord and it

819

is the number one thing that I recommend

that you focus on if you are trying to

820

grow in your faith is pray, pray, pray.

821

Go to the chapel, go to adoration,

seek the sacraments, spend time with

822

Jesus, time in silence, time to allow

him to speak to you in the silence

823

of your heart and let him transform

your heart, transform your life.

824

I know that if you let him, that if you

open your heart to him, he will do that.

825

All right, we need to wrap this up

because it's going to get really

826

long, but, um, before we go, can

we just end in a prayer, please?

827

Can I just pray for you

right here, right now?

828

Let's just pray.

829

In the name of the Father,

Son, Holy Spirit, Amen.

830

Come Holy Spirit, come fill this

room, come fill the heart of

831

your daughter or your son who

is listening to this right now.

832

I thank you for the gift of their life

and for the way that you have called them

833

to live uh, virtuously, to live joyfully.

834

to live in surrender to you and to live

out the plan that you so beautifully

835

have crafted for them in their life.

836

I pray Lord for any resistance that

they have in their hearts, anything

837

that is making them push you away or

anything that is making them nervous

838

or scared To approach you lord that

you would just remove that That you

839

would show them that you are gentle

that you are good That you are faithful

840

and that all you want to do is love and

provide and bless them in their life.

841

And I pray lord also for all those who

feel this pain Burning in their heart.

842

After hearing this for all those whose

hearts are just set a fire and wanting

843

to do similar work, wanting to go out

and do mission and make you know more

844

that you would give them the gifts

and the courage to go out and do so.

845

And we ask this all through the

intercession of your most Holy mother.

846

, we ask Mary that you would

intercede for us and protect us.

847

And bring us closer to your son as

we pray hail Mary full of grace.

848

The Lord is with thee, blessed

art thou among women and blessed

849

is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

850

Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us

sinners now and at the hour of our death.

851

Amen.

852

In the name of the

father, son, Holy spirit.

853

Amen.

854

Thank you so much for listening in.

855

If you've enjoyed this episode,

please share it with your friends

856

and on social media and give me a

five star rating on whatever podcast

857

platform you're listening on.

858

That helps me and the show out so much.

859

Also make sure to follow the podcast

on Instagram at ever be podcast.

860

And if you want more content like this

and you don't already follow me, you

861

can also follow me on Instagram at Mari.

862

c.

863

wagner.

864

And may his praise ever be on our lips.

865

God bless.