I've told pieces of my story to clients for years. "I've been there." "I get it." But I've never told the whole thing, start to finish - until now.

This episode is Part 1 of my fertility story, and it's a big one. I'm talking chemical pregnancies I didn't even understand at the time, an ectopic pregnancy so rare (1 in 65,000!) that it grew on my ovary instead of my tube, a procedure that ended up damaging my uterus without me knowing for years, and three rounds of IVF where I kept getting blamed - for my age, my eggs, my "stress" - while nobody tested the one thing that turned out to actually matter.

I share this not because I want sympathy, but because I know so many of you are living some version of this right now. The rabbit holes. The clinics that don't call you back. The doctors who look at you like a number instead of a person. The moment you ask "when can we try again" five minutes after finding out you lost a pregnancy - and feeling guilty for asking it (by the way - it's the most common question there is).

In this episode:

• How my "healthy" lifestyle didn't protect me from infertility - and why that surprised me
• What a chemical pregnancy actually is (nobody explained it to me either)
• The ectopic pregnancy that almost cost me my life, and the surgery that followed
• The procedure I agreed to without fully understanding what it would mean for my uterus
• Three rounds of IVF, and the thing nobody tested until a doctor in the US finally did
• Why I started questioning "the way it's always done" - and started digging for real answers

This one ends on a cliffhanger, because life did too. By the end of this episode, I'm out of options I thought I had - and about to step into something I never expected. Part 2 picks up right where this leaves off.

If any part of this is your story too - you're not alone in this. That's the whole reason this podcast exists.

Don't miss Part 2 - hit subscribe/follow wherever you're listening so it lands right in your feed the second it's live. Trust me, you won't want to wait to find out what happens next.

More from The Fertility Fight Club:

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Helpful Timestamps:

• 00:00 My Fertility Journey
• 06:53 Miscarriage
• 11:55 Ectopic Pregnancy Scare
• 15:20 Ovarian Ectopic and Surgery
• 20:47 Essure and IVF Begins
• 25:09 Seeking Help in US
• 36:02 Adoption Considered
• 38:54 Choosing Surrogacy Path

Welcome to The Fertility Fight Club podcast.

I am the step-in host for today, Kristen Harper, because I get to interview the actual host, expert, fertility expert, and holistic nutritionist, Crystal Leochko, who will be sharing her story to, uh, fertility struggles all the way into motherhood.

You know, there's no, uh, war or battle she has not endured to become a mother.

And you know, this is the opportunity for her to share her story first time ever as she continues to also advocate for thousands of women and helps guide them, coach them, and grow them into motherhood through experts, nutrition, health coaching, and so much more.

So stay with us.

We're gonna be back right now, and we're gonna have one interesting story that you don't wanna miss.

Welcome to The Fertility Fight Club podcast.

I'm your sit-in host, Kristen Harper, and I'm joined today with Crystal Leochko, your true host of the podcast.

welcome, Crystal, to your own podcast.

Thank you so much, Kristen, for, uh, doing this for me 'cause there is nobody else that I'd want to interview me and talk about my story 'cause, oh my God, I'm gonna get misty-eyed already, 'cause you've been through the journey with me.

Oh my gosh, guys.

I was not-

Yeah.

Okay.

Fir- … meaning to be like this.

But anyways,

we're gonna- First up, we can totally get cozy- Yeah … because this is an emotional experience for you.

You know, it's something that Crystal has never done before, and that's truly share her story, you know, with the people, out there who are also struggling with fertility issues, family members, friends.

You know, this is your first crack at, at really opening up, Crystal.

Yeah.

And your story is, is something else.

Yeah.

the reason we're doing this podcast, Kristen , is so many of my clients, like, they'll share something, they'll be going through a miscarriage or struggling with endometriosis or, a failed IVF or whatever it is, and I've been through it all, like you mentioned earlier.

And, they kept saying to- I'll always say, "This is what happened to me," or, "I can relate because I've been through it all." And they kept saying, "I wanna hear your whole story one day." And I kept saying, "We don't have time for that.

It's, like, so long." And I keep saying it, and, enough people kept telling me, of my clients, "You need to do a podcast and share your story."

And I said, "Well, you guys need to share your story." So that's a little bit, but-

Yeah

… Crystal: future episodes of what we're gonna be doing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um- And, you know, just to, just to give a teaser, and w- and we're definitely gonna get into it, but, you know, y- for anyone who's listening right now, when we're talking about fertility, , it's a big issue that a lot of people are dealing with, and it, and it happens at all stages of, of life when you're trying to conceive.

For, you know, for Crystal, that spanned her entire, you know, course of attempting-

Yeah

… Kristen: pregnancy.

It was from front, early ages all the way to, you know, premenopausal ages.

So, you know, it, this kind of speaks to everybody.

and, you know, I think it's a really great opportunity for those listening and watching, to, you know, s- stay here.

Yeah.

Stay with us- … because we've got you covered.

There's probably something in here, for everyone- That will hit … to learn.

Yeah.

And, uh, you know, Crystal, out of, out of all of it, I think we start at the beginning.

Yeah … when you first, began the attempt of, of motherhood and what that would look like.

So, you know, where did it start?

Like, what, what was it that y- you know, the, that first moment of, "I think I wanna be a mom"?

well, I think I always wanted to be a mom.

I was the one that always did the babysitting in our neighborhood.

Like, I would babysit all the kids.

And then career-driven, 'cause I'm very type A, I needed the career, so I focused on that a lot, and I worked in business, and I just, that was my focus.

And then, like many of us, like, I hear this all the time on my consults with clients, that I met my husband later in life.

I met my husband too late.

Am I too late to be a mom?

So, like many of my clients, when I met my husband, it was later, and we started trying, and then I had a chemical pregnancy, and I didn't even know what that was.

I didn't know what that meant.

And so then I'm like, that's weird, 'cause I'm super healthy.

I was running marathons at the time.

I was, like, doing yoga.

I was working out, and I was super healthy.

I was also living on caffeine, like probably 12 cups of coffee a day.

And going to-

Healthy but not.

Yeah, healthy but not.

And sorry, my eyes are still misty here, girls.

but healthy but not, and doing a ton of business events in the evenings and just, like, working, working, working till, like, 1:00 in the morning, getting up at 5:00.

And, We start trying and I'm like, "I'm healthy.

How can this not be?" So I went to my family doctor and she's like, "Oh, you know what?

I'll send you to a fertility clinic.

They'll give you this little pill." I remember this like it was yesterday.

They'll give you this little pill, and you'll probably get pregnant.

It's like no big deal.

You're healthy." She did not ask me, and I still have this family doctor today, and I love her.

I love her, and it's not, not blaming her in any respect, but she didn't ask me to update any blood work.

She, just didn't even ask me about my cycle, my period, anything.

So I'm like, okay.

So I went to my first fertility clinic, and they did.

They did… I, I did the first round of cycle monitoring.

As most of you know, that if you've gone through fertility, you know what cycle monitoring is, and it's where you go, for those that don't- you go pretty much every other day for an ultrasound and blood work up until when you ovulate, and then you go after for your progesterone check and to make sure you ovulated.

So this was all new to me.

My clinic pretty much wanted me every day, so it was a lot because I was missing a lot of work.

So I was the girl in stirrups on the table getting an ultrasound with my cell phone answering it, and at that time I had two phones in my hand because I was, like, running a business with, like, a lot of staff.

Yeah.

And, I just trusted the doctor.

Like, I'm like, "They know what they're doing." Yeah.

"They're gonna give me that little pill." And they did give me that little pill the next cycle, and I did get pregnant, and I was like, "See?

No problem.

I can do anything." And everything, like Kristen, everything we put our minds to as this type of person, you, you do it.

You reach your goal.

And, so I'm like, "Oh, that was easy.

She was right." But then my beta was good, and then we went for the ultrasound and I said to my husband, "Ah, don't worry, it's, like, early.

It's a six-week ultrasound.

Like, don't even come," 'cause he was in Toronto working.

I said, "You can come to the next one, whatever."

So we, it was fine.

So my mom actually went with me, and I go up and I'll ne- I, it's like I hate that my memory remembers so clearly and vividly details.

And the ultrasound tech starts doing it, and I'm thinking like it's in the movies, that I'm going to get the picture, hear the heartbeat, get a teddy bear with a heartbeat in it, all that kind of stuff.

And, she paused and she, she was quiet, and then she said, "Can you just get dressed?" And I'm like, "Well, why?

Can, do I get a picture of it?

Can I see the screen?" And she's like, "Just get dressed." And she got so, like, stressed.

And I'm like, "What's going on?" And I was in Burlington and I was at a satellite office, so there was no actual doctor at that time.

And I was like, "What is going on?" So I start panicking, and I have known nothing about fertility at this time.

Like nothing.

So I was like, "What is actually going on?" And she sent me out to talk to the nurse, and the nurse is like, " So there's no heartbeat, but there might be next week.

So can you come back?"

And it was December 18th, and I'll never forget it.

And I was like " Okay, what does that mean?" Like, and I'm, like, in tears, and she's like, "Just come back." And then she's like, "Oh, that's Christmas.

I don't even know our hours." She's like, you'll have to call.

I really don't know." And I'm like, "Can I talk to somebody?

Like, does this mean it's the baby okay?" Like, I knew nothing, and she told me nothing.

And it's

that typical runaround that people- Yeah … experience.

Your first time, you don't know.

But, but, you know, y- like, I feel even for, you know, in that situation, when you have a health issue, period- You don't … here in, in Canada- You don't

in Ontario, like, it's really hard nowadays and, and- Yeah … always to, to really get the ball rolling- Yes.

Yeah … and get seen ASAP, so-

Yes.

You

have nothing … now you've got something that you're treasuring within you, and you're like- You don't know … what, what is the answer?

And that's… Yes.

Yeah, that's-

And we will get into the healthcare system because that's, that's a big…

That, that's a whole other show, Kristen.

You're gonna have to come back because most of my intake calls that I do right now are they don't know who to trust right now.

So we'll get into that maybe in a different one, maybe later today.

but that, that's, it's a big one right now with the healthcare in Canada especially.

But for you, you're stuck in… Now you're in this loop.

I'm in this loop.

You're, you're a part of the loop now of- Yeah.

What do I do?

Call

again.

Yeah.

Call

again.

At Christmas.

Mm-hmm.

So that was a fun Christmas.

I couldn't get ahold of anybody on Christmas, and it was… We had New Year's Eve, and I still had no answers.

Nobody answered the phone.

And everybody that's been through fertility, they know nobody answers the phone at fertility clinics ever.

I know there's gonna be a ton of, like, little hearts right now on our like buttons or whatever we do when you guys hear this ' cause you guys will all relate.

Nobody, Kristen, answers the phone at a fertility clinic.

So you're miscarrying your first one.

You don't even know what to expect.

I didn't know if I was, like, gonna bleed.

I didn't know what to happen.

They told me nothing.

00 in the morning New Year's Day, we went to a hospital, and they confirmed I was miscarrying.

And my first question, I still feel horrible about this today, I said, "When can we try again?"

And then I said to the doctor, "You probably think I'm a horrible person." And he's like, "It's the most common question." And now, after talking to, oh God, thousands of clients, when they miscarry, that's the question they ask, "When can I try again?"

Yeah, absolutely.

And I found… So I don't even know where it came from, but we do.

That's a question.

So girls, that's normal.

That's really normal to ask.

so I switched clinics.

I wanted to be able to get in touch with the doctor.

So I went to another clinic that is really huge in Burlington, and well, really well known.

And it was the biggest probably mistake I, made because I went down more rabbit holes, and I kept getting pregnant, and I kept losing.

And I had, like, several chemical pregnancies.

Then we started with IUIs and medicated cycles.

I would either get to six, seven weeks and miscarry or I'd have chemical pregnancies.

And she kept r- blaming my age, and I was 38 at the time, so she kept blaming my age.

And I'm like, "Okay." And I'm like, "Is there anything I can do?"

Because now I started going down the rabbit holes, and she's like, "You need to stop running." So I stopped running, and I'm like, "Anything else?" And she's like, "Nope, we got this." She's like, "This is my Harvard degree.

I got this." So I'm like, "Okay." Kept trusting her.

I was still had my feet in stirrups and the cell phones in my hand.

Kept trusting her, but, like, things weren't sitting right, so I started becoming more aware.

And, um, sorry, my tears.

I hope it doesn't look crazy.

so yeah, I kept trusting, and then I got pregnant again, and I went in, and I remember the tech saying, "This one's good." And you get to know some of the techs that…

You know, I'm really talkative, as you guys know.

And, you get to know, and the tech's like, "Crystal, I'll, I'll scan you. It's gonna be fine." Like, you know?

So I'm like, "Okay." But something with that pregnancy always felt a little bit different, but it was the farthest I, I got.

And my husband was with me, and we went in, and she again said, "I gotta go call the doctor."

And I'm like, "What? Doctor came in to scan me." I'm like, "This isn't normal. Something's wrong." So already I'm in tears, and I'm not really a crier type of person, as this doesn't really show.

And they… She said, "I think it's an ectopic. You have to go to McMaster right now because it could rupture. I can't really see it on the screen."

So we went to Mc- Master.

They gave me that horrible medication where they come in hazmat suits.

It's technically chemo.

And they told me to eat chicken fingers and fries for a week, and hopefully my beta would drop.

If not, I would need surgery and I would lose my tubes.

So- So

what… So just for people listening- Yeah

who might not

know

what this is.

Right, sorry.

What a chemo- An ectopic pregnancy- Yeah … is when the, embryo implants in your tube, and it's a really big risk because if it bursts open, you can die.

So that was scary 'cause she said that, and it's… You're high risk, right?

So they have to watch, so I had to go every day to check my beta.

And why chicken fingers and fries?

Like, what is that

all about?

So you can't eat anything with folic acid, so nothing healthy.

So, like, no, like- Right … leafy greens and… Kristen, you know I eat really healthy in general.

Yes.

And I

was- Holistic nutritionist.

Yeah.

I'm like, what?

You're eating french fries dipped in grease?

And even before I went to school to be nutritionist, people always be like- Yeah … would ask why I ate so healthy or… Yeah, so it was crazy.

I remember going, it was a Sunday morning, and I went in, and I had seen the doctor that I had seen at the first time.

And she's like, "Everything's looking good."

She's like, "I'm really happy." And I'm always a really positive person, and I'm really bubbly, so the doctor's like, "You're doing so good.

Do you feel good?" I'm like, "Yeah, I feel great," whatever.

Yeah.

And she's like, "Okay, come in every second day now 'cause it's looking so good." So I'm like, "Awesome." And so I was happy, and I was so sick of chicken fingers and fries, and she's like, "Keep doing it," or, like, meat, like, whatever.

And I'll never forget, and I went to Fortino's and I got, uh, prime rib sandwiches because it's like no meat.

No, no folic acid in that, for sure.

And I grabbed one for me and my husband, and he was gonna go to Quebec the next day for a business trip.

So he went to bed early.

I ate the sandwich.

It was probably about 7:00, 8:00.

And I was like, "Oh, I feel constipated." And then I was like, "Well, no kidding I feel constipated.

Who's not constipated after eating chicken fingers and fries for probably, like, seven days now?"

Yeah.

And I'm like, "Okay." And like, like I said, I eat really healthy.

I've never had a constipation issue.

So I'm like, "Ugh, I think that's what it feels like.

I don't know." I went to the bathroom, it was about 9:00, and I started sweating.

And I woke up, and it was about midnight, and I was on the bathroom floor.

And my dogs were, like, laying beside me, and I couldn't, couldn't talk and I couldn't yell.

And finally, I got my husband up, and he's like, "What's going on?"

And we got ahold of, I think it was the doctor at the time, and the emergency doctor on-call doctor, and they said, "Get her to the hospital. Just go up to the fourth floor at McMaster." They rushed me in, and they thought they would have to do surgery.

When they did the scans, nothing was showing in my tubes.

They looked clear.

So they said, "It must be dispersed and relaxed." I was there maybe three days.

They c- it, the pain wasn't going away, the symptoms, everything, but they couldn't see it on the tubes.

They realized it was on my ovary, so I had an ovarian ectopic pregnancy.

So that means the fetus was growing on my ovary, not in my uterus, not in my tube.

How does that even happen?

One in 65,000.

Yeah.

I don't… Yeah.

part of it is, I think, I wasn't diagnosed until, recently, actually a year ago, confirmed, because you need surgery to confirm endometriosis.

but some of it could be endometriosis 'cause you have tissues outside and things, right?

but I didn't know that, and they've nev- nobody had ever told me.

Two fertility clinics, nobody had ever once said, "You have endo." so that's another story again.

So they do the surgery, and I'll never forget, like when I did… I was at McMaster University.

It's in Hamilton, and it's a teaching hospital, so there was like 40 students in the OR.

I always thought s- I've never had a surgery before that- Yeah … so I didn't know, and I always thought surgeries had that many doctors.

Yeah.

I did.

I didn't know it was… But because it was so rare-

One or two, unless you've got a big surgery- Yeah … going on, girl.

I had no idea.

And, yeah, it was kind of crazy.

And so then they said, "Okay, you'll heal," or whatever.

And I remember the surgeon… And they give you like the, the sheets after or whatever.

But the surgeon said, " Good news, we didn't have to touch your tubes because it was on your ovaries, so… or, or in your left ovary, and we only removed a dime of your left ovary."

And I remember, "A dime of your ovary and we didn't touch the tubes." Meantime, I still don't even really know that much about like my body.

I'm still putting the trust in the doctors.

Yeah.

So I'm like, "Okay." I also, this is not an excuse, but this is, I hear it all the time.

I grew up in a Catholic school, Catholic parents.

I had a nun as a principal at one time, so everything was like if you touched a boy you would get pregnant, right?

So, they taught us nothing about the body, and they, schools still aren't doing that.

Not even, I'm not blaming the Catholic religion at all.

It's all schools.

We're not teaching our young girls about their bodies and what their cycles mean and how their periods are.

So I really didn't know anything.

So I'm like, "Great, my tubes are open.

That's good.

I can still get pregnant." We go for a follow-up with my Harvard doctor, and she tells me, "We should block your tubes because, 'cause you had an ectopic pregnancy.

The chances of it happening again are so huge, and you don't wanna go through this again," whatever.

Wow.

And I really, I took a step back, and then we met, I, we went in the following week again, and my husband came with me, and he, she literally looked at him and said, "If you wanna have a baby, she needs to block her tubes." So I was like, "okay."

So what, like, and what are you feeling at this point?

Like, here you are- I

feel, you feel like-

I mean, as a w- as a woman, as a mother- You feel-

myself, I feel like getting that-

It's still so, um- I don't, like-

Like, that's basically saying- … robbed

or something.

Yeah, like-

I don't know even the word

… Kristen: you're not gonna do this-

Yeah

… Kristen: the natural way- Yeah … ever again.

Yeah.

It's not gonna happen.

Yeah.

And I was doing it.

Like, I was… It wasn't successful, but I was getting pregnant.

Yeah.

So I knew that was off the table, right?

And they just, they basically just said, "No."

No.

And so my husband looked at me, and she's like, "We need to do…" I said, "How do we do it then if we have to do this?

What do I do?" And she's like, "We need to do laparoscopy." And I said… She goes, "And we need to block both tubes so it clears no fluid and would flush out an embryo, and then I would need IVF."

And IVF, I think sometimes I now get desensitized to it because I have so many girls that go through it and then I talk about it, like, 100 times a day, and I don't mean to, because I remember when they said IVF to me.

It seems like such a big thing.

But for people who are watching and are still new at this, like, looking- It is a big

thing

but, but they're just, you know, the, the word IVF is just coming to them.

Like, what does that even look like?

Is that- So- … weeks, months, you know?

Well, yeah.

And at this time, at this point, I didn't know.

There was no government funding for one IVF at that time.

Yeah.

I had no idea what that was.

It just sounded like a whole bunch of procedures, and I'm very, like, you know, like, natural.

Like, I only eat organic foods, I always have, and healthy and stuff like that, so that sounded like a whole lot of medication.

So-

And, and not-

Natural

… Kristen: natural.

Natural.

In your- Yeah … in your,

in your eyes.

In my eyes.

Yeah, yeah.

and it's, like, kind of the, When you've failed, that's when you do IVF.

That's in my mind.

I'm like, "But I can do this 'cause I'm getting pregnant," but now I couldn't.

So she convinced me to do the laparoscopy, and I'm like… But the surgeon said that she couldn't see the left side or something.

There was some damage, which probably the endo, now we know.

but they never said that, which is odd.

Or maybe, I don't know.

Endo-

endometriosis.

Endometriosis.

Okay.

Yeah, so the surgeon's like, "I can get it, no problem." And we were on a conference call, so I trusted them.

The surgeon walking in, that's when I realized there's only two people in the surgery room, not like 40.

And I'm like, "Where is everybody?" And she's like, "No, no, that was a special surgery." So anyway, we do the, the thing, and she's like, "I'm out here at the end.

Don't worry, and then you'll be able to start IVF in, like, three months or something." So I'm like, "Okay, good." I get out.

She left me a note and said, "I'm sorry, I couldn't do it," even though she convinced me that she could do it.

She couldn't even, like, look me in the eye and say that she couldn't do it.

So then I needed a treatment called Essure, and they actually banned it two months, about a month and a half after I got that done.

And what that is, is they take coils up and block your uterus or your tubes from the bottom.

So, and they hold- Like a

really awkward-

what's it called?

Coil.

Yeah.

Um.

Procedure.

Yeah.

It was horrible.

Long story, but the camera broke actually when they were doing it.

The doctor was fantastic at that time.

but what the problem with it is that's not recommended for anybody that wants to do fertility because what they do is they put coils at the top.

I'm pointing 'cause, like, I now talk about my

Hey, I mean, that's where it is.

That's our body part.

That's our

body.

That's where it's… Yeah.

but the coils develop scar tissue and block your tubes.

What happens is if they don't do it properly The coils can go into your uterus and then it will knock out an embryo.

So then my uterus now, 'cause they did the procedure, my uterus, which I didn't know at this time, is useless now because scar tissue damaged the uterus.

And with the endometriosis, which is- Yeah … a scar tissue developing-

Yeah

… Kristen: um, chronic illness- It was horrible … that, that probably didn't help.

Yeah, and nobody

knew.

Yeah.

And no one knows.

So-

Okay

… Crystal: okay, so- So we're just- But I don't know the, about the uterus issue at this time.

So we start IVF, and I get six eggs, which I didn't know if that was good or bad at the time.

For my age- And this is- … I think it's good

… Kristen: thousands of dollars.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thousands.

Just to be, just to be like

in the know.

And we're not, we're not… Yeah, yeah.

Thousands

of dollars.

Like right now, my kids are running at about 500,000.

About $200,000

for those kids.

But anyways, they owe, they owe us.

Yeah, it's expensive, and we start it, and we have no drug coverage either, and the drugs are expensive.

And I get six eggs and five fertilize, which is a really good number, especially 'cause I think I was 38 at the time.

That was really good, they said, and that's what they said, so I don't know what I don't know.

And I was tired at the time, and they kept saying it was anxiety or stress, and I don't really like… I don't have anxiety, and I can brush off stress really fast.

it's kinda crazy.

I don't know.

And I'm like, "I'm not," and they kept saying, "Oh, it's just anxiety."

So w- they were happy, five fertilized.

That's amazing.

So six, five, 'cause there's embryo math, and that is actually really good embryo math.

So day three comes, and they're like, "All of them arrested." I'm like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "There's nothing." I'm like, "All that money's done?" And they're like, "Yeah."

What does rested mean?

When they arrested,

dead.

Oh, they're dead.

Oh my gosh.

And I'm like, all the money, all the money and medication.

I was like crushed.

I'm like, "How did this happen?" So then you have to wait three months to meet with the doctor again, 'cause they won't talk to you right away.

Wow.

Which is part of the problem.

So finally get an appointment.

She's like, "It's your eggs.

You're old.

You should get an egg donor." And I'm like, "Okay, but like is that it?

Like, can I do this or this?" So we started getting ready for round number two, and she's like… I'm like, "I'm doing acupuncture," and I started doing the rabbit hole thing, so now I'm doing like everything, right?

Acupuncture, you name it.

And she's like, "Stop wasting your money on acupuncture. Like, that doesn't actually work." Which it is controversial.

It might, may not.

If it relaxes you, I'm always take it.

If it doesn't relax you, don't do it.

But sh- that was her attitude at that time.

Nothing about like supportive, just telling me it was wasting my money.

Not what she was doing was a waste

of money.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So- Not the tens of thousands I

just spent on it … not, not the, the money.

I, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So-

Yeah

… Crystal: it was so interesting.

So we go do the n- next one, and I think that time we had five, and three fertilized, and they all arrested on day three.

Again, they didn't make five.

So for anybody that's watching this that doesn't know, we want day five embryos.

Now day six, actually, embryos they're taking, but day five is the gold standard because that means the cells have divided enough, and then they can freeze them, test them at that time, and implant them after.

day three, mm.

Sometimes, some places will implant day three, but not, not normally, not recommended.

I would change doctors if that was the case.

Okay.

Um, but anyways, mine weren't even making it past day three.

But kept blaming my eggs.

After that, I'm like a crazy Type A person.

We flew literally the next week to a clinic in the US because I had Googled this doctor, and he said he could guarantee IVF.

And I'm like- What?

Okay.

So here we go to, to the US.

Ching, ching, ching.

Yeah.

More money gone.

And-

Yeah.

Okay

… Crystal: and he wanted my blood work.

He g- sent me, like, all this blood work to get done before.

So I did it, and I didn't get a copy of it.

He got it directly.

And we fly in, and it was when Obama was in office.

So we flew into DC, and he's like, "How are you standing?" It was an, an early flight.

I'm like, " Oh my God." We flew out of Buffalo, and it w- the flights were grounded 'cause when Air Force One is in the air, nothing can land in DC or something.

Mm-hmm.

So it was, like, a big thing.

And he's like, "No." He's like, "I'm talking about your labs."

And he's like, "Your labs are, like, crazy." He's like, " I don't even know how you're functioning.

I wanna give you an IV right now 'cause I don't even know how you're standing up." He's like, "Aren't you exhausted?" And I'm like, "Yeah." I said, "I am." And he's like, "Can you sign this consent?" He's like, "There's no charge."

He goes, "I just need… Do you have the… While we talk, I'm gonna give you an IV." So my husband's like, " Hey, is this gonna cost?" And so-

Get out the pocketbook, honey.

Yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

Get it out.

Here we go.

Here we go.

so we do that, and we're talking, and then he says, "So when, when did you do IVF last?"

And he started going through it, and I'm like, "Well, last week." And he's like, "What are you talking about?" And I didn't even ask him at this time- Okay … because I don't know anything, what levels were crashed, right?

So he's like, "You did IVF last week? You're, like, your vitamin D is, like, nothing. Your iron is, like, three."

He's like, "Everyth-" All my lev- everything was completely crashed.

And now, ladies, one of the things I, I learnt now, and I just wanna say this so I don't forget, is we know, like, the good doctors, like, a good doctor will test your vitamin D. A good doctor will test your ferritin.

A good doctor will test, like, your blood work to make sure your body's functioning.

I… While I was going through those two rounds, I kept telling the doctor, like, " Something's wrong with me." I'm like, "I keep, like, feeling like I'm gonna, like, fall asleep all the time, and I have a lot of energy." Or, like, I was googling, like, if I had a brain tumor at that point, because it just didn't feel like I wasn't myself.

I was falling asleep all the time.

they kept saying, "It's fine.

You're just anxiety.

It's just stress," like repeating the same thing, and I'm like, "No, I'm not.

I'm in such a good head space." Like, I was meditating, like, an hour a day.

I was, like, so chill, but I was exhausted, and the doctor in the US confirmed it, and he's like, "Here's what we do," and he showed me and he's like, "Their plans to guarantee IVF is," he's like, "I need you doing, like, yoga, and I need you doing this," and, like, all these natural things, and it all, like, I aligned so much with that.

Like, and you- what you're eating.

Like, my Harvard doctor in Burlington told me, "It doesn't matter what you eat.

Just keep doing what you're doing.

Just stop running.

That might be it," right?

He's like, "No, like, food and this and this," and I'm like, they never tested anything.

They said they were testing.

They would test my TSH.

They didn't run a full thyroid po- panel.

They didn't look at my T4.

They didn't look at my antibodies.

They didn't look at anything.

So you're recognizing the thoroughness in, in- Yeah … compared to what you were getting in Canada.

Yeah.

There, there was not this, thorough blood work and- Nothing … and review- No

prior to-

No

… Kristen: Nothing.

No.

Okay.

And the, and no care because I will say that now when, if you would come to me and say, "I, I need help," like, "Who do you recommend as a fertility doctor?" I have a list of, like, really good doctors that will take care, and it's not about, sadly, the money, and that's what it seems like, and you feel like you're just, like, an ATM sometimes.

And it's not just me.

During a very vulnerable

experience.

D- you're vulnerable and desperate.

And desperate, yeah.

And desperate.

Yeah.

And like I said, a lot of the girls now are older, so they, they h- well-established in their careers, so a lot of them will have that extra money to put to the baby that they've been wanting, right?

And

they know this.

And they know this.

Yeah.

And I see it.

And this same doctor, like, I have consults with people that are with that clinic all the time, and it's not only that clinic to preference.

There's a lot of clinics across Canada that are treating people like this, and sadly, it is a business.

I get it, but it's such a vulnerable situation, and the stats show suffering with infertility is equal stress as cancer.

And now nobody wants to say, "Well, having a ba- baby isn't like having cancer," but for our bodies and our minds and the stress levels, it's equal, and that's, I believe it's a Harvard study or a big medical study that has researched women, and the stress impact is that of cancer.

So it is big, and they're vulnerable, and you're desperate, and you'll do anything, and I would do anything, and I was not giving up on having a baby.

Which we know.

Which we know.

And

we'll get to the whole story.

I learned.

There's two parts to that one.

Yeah.

' Kristen: Cause she is a mom.

We'll be clear.

I am a mom.

She is a mom.

I

am a mom

now.

And it is not- Hey, there is, like I said, it, you know-

I am a mom

now

… Kristen: there's no war unturned that she hasn't battled.

And we'll get to that part.

We'll get to that part.

But so here we are, we're in the States.

Your blood work is getting done.

Yep.

It's

100 grand now for the doctor in the US to get- Oh, yeah.

100 grand US.

So that was not really on the table at that point.

We were like, "Oh, how are we gonna do that?" I'm like, "I'm just gonna work my ass off to do it," but I also liked his concept.

So I started taking fertility coaching classes, courses.

So you flew back?

Yeah, flew back.

Went to,

And began your-

Actually, funny story.

So that was, like, 15 years ago maybe.

No, less than 15 years ago, 10 years ago.

My husband got a bill 'cause he did, uh, he froze his sperm there while we were there 'cause they're like, "Oh, let's check when…" He got a bill the other day for 50 bucks.

I don't know if it was fraud, but anyways, I don't know.

Funny story, but 10 years later they still have his sperm there.

Just in case, Crystal.

Just in case, just in case.

So yeah, but they were pretty thorough.

But I just loved what the doctor was saying.

Yeah.

And this whole time I've seen pieces, like while you're in the waiting room, 'cause you're at the clinic so much, nobody tells you how much you're at a clinic.

You're at a clinic a lot.

You, it's a full-time job.

And as we're at the clinic, I would see the people, and I would see the same, "Here's your Gonal-F, here's your Menopur," s- same dose, same dose, same dose, same protocol.

Same uncaring, same robotic staff that couldn't remember people's name after being in there every day, every second day.

So now, sorry, so-

After ten, spending that money.

Yeah.

So you're back in.

You've done all the things.

You're in the fertility world.

You're, you're learning the stuff.

You're back in a clinic, but you're like- … you know.

Yes.

And you're going for, this is now round four?

Three.

So we're now at, we're, we're gonna do the not guaranteed package.

The not guaranteed package.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

In the US, because I thought I can do all the things-

Oh

… Crystal: and not do the guarantee.

So

you skip- It's

so expensive,

but- You're skipping out on, on, you skipped out on Canada, you're going back to the US.

Yeah.

Yeah, because

I

just- Poor

Francois, her husband- … pulls out the pocketbook again.

Again.

Again.

And she's going down there.

Yeah.

And she's done all the yogas.

She's done all the things.

And she's- All the

things

… Kristen: okay.

So-

So what happened

then?

We make some… So a big thing was, the doctor in the US said, "Your embryos keep arresting on day three." I'm like, "I know that." Okay.

And he's like, "That's sperm," and that's why they did the sperm freezing and testing there.

They never in Canada once after two clinics tested his DNA fragmentation of the sperm.

Now that is, like, so critical.

Yeah.

I had told both clinics that my husband smoked, and they said, "Ah, don't worry, it's your age." It's me, always me, always the woman, and still to this, this day, so many clinics still blame the woman.

They'll blame her weight.

They'll blame her age.

They will never really take accountability for the guys until it's really in their face.

And I'm like, "What?" And the doctor in the US said, "Do you drink?

Do you smoke?" And my husband's like, "Yeah, I drink, and yeah, I smoke." And he's like, "That's what's killing them at day three."

And now I know this working.

When I see a report and somebody shows me their embryo, their stim sheets, and when their embryos have arrested and, and what their cycles look like, I'm like, "Is your s- husband smoking drugs, marijuana, alcohol?" And they're like, "Yeah, he vapes," or, "Yeah, he smokes cigarettes."

And I'm like, "That's what's happening. It's not your eggs or it's not, like, you know, necessarily this," like, you know?

And so many times they don't do the DNA fragmentation.

DNA fragmentation isn't covered under OHIP, so that's not an excuse.

It's like 250 bucks or 300 bucks, whatever, right?

In the grand scheme of things to know that if that number's high, what the DNA fragmentation kind of does, it shows how the strength of the DNA of that sperm.

So think of a ladder.

I had a great doctor, explain this to me.

He's like, "The ladder here," and not the doctor in the US, one that I work with all the time.

The sides of the wall of the ladder.

As you walk up, the higher the DNA fragmentation, the weaker the ladder is, and it will just collapse.

Oh.

And that's what happens when it's high, right?

There are things we can get it done, and guys, we can improve their sperm so quickly as opposed to our eggs are harder to.

And I'm not saying my eggs were the whole problem, right?

'Cause I was now older.

but the sperm has to be really good, too, especially when I have endo.

He had to make up double, which I didn't know at that time either.

But, it wasn't just me.

And I felt so relieved almost, but mad because we had just spent probably about 35,000 at that point with IUIs and everything.

So very, very frustrating.

so we started working that.

He reduced his smoking almost… I think he ended up stopping pretty much at that time, and we made a couple good embryos.

We froze sperm, and that's what we did.

And then we were getting ready to transfer, and then the doctor's like, "You know you have the problem with the uterus." And I'm like, "I have a what?" And I didn't know.

And so- Oh, they discovered- … I'm like, "What does that mean?" Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So and here you are- And then I found another mistake from that clinic that they had done, and it was just like a knife.

And I was like, "You gotta be kidding." So I didn't want it.

The, the doctor thought he could fix it with a surgery.

the problem was, though, it was so expensive in the States.

It was, like, just crazy, and we're like, "I don't know how we can do this." And then COVID hit.

And I had talked to a doctor here in Canada that, now I started working with a lot of fertility clinics and trying to build relationships with doctors that I trusted.

And I, I talked to one, and he's like, "I think I can fix it." I was ready, and COVID hit.

And then as we know, the fertility clinics were, like, I think one of the ones, first ones to shut down.

So we waited, and I think it was August we're like, "Let's just adopt." I said, "My goal is a baby.

Let's adopt." And I remember we had, like, a call with, like, the Children's Aid Society and stuff.

And that was August '21?

2020.

August 2020.

2020,

August.

So you've now… Everything's kaput.

Everything-

You've put it down.

You're like, "That's it." No.

"We're going the adoption route."

Yeah.

Had a call with them.

There was other couples on the call.

We thought, "This is not for me." Not in Canada the way the adoption system works and how they wanted us to, always have a part of the other, like the, the mother if she was, like, a drug addict or a creepy uncle.

They always wanted some contact on Christmas and the birthdays for the kids or the child.

And I was like But my Christmas morning is insane.

Like, I'm making breakfast and food and everything and family.

How do I bring somebody, like, maybe three, four hours away to visit somebody they don't even know when that's gonna, you know?

So right away we're like, "No." So it wasn't aligning.

And I was like, "What now? What now?" So Canadian a- adoption was no longer an option, and then we're thinking international adoption, was that an option?

was, like, ramping up in Canada.

If you're watching from the US, I know it was a little more chill there, but we had, like, full-on lockdowns.

It was, like, a pretty intense…

So- Yeah … I knew transferring… the goal was to, the embryos were now in Canada.

We had transferred them to a clinic.

Like, I, I skipped that part, guys, sorry.

But they were in Canada.

and we had frozen sperm and stuff, and we didn't know where to transfer it, 'cause the clinics were kind of a half opening, but I didn't really trust a doctor at this point.

So it was such a, like, I just didn't know what to do.

Yeah.

So at that point, I was just like, "Am I gonna be a mom? Am I just gonna be, like, an aunt?" which is nothing wrong with that, it's just I'm not a giver-upper.

I just, like, when I commit to something, I'm committed, and probably to a fault, but- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So for you, so th- this was it.

You know, you were, you were faced with a pandemic, bills for thousands and thousands of dollars in IVF and, and treatments and-

Yeah

… Kristen: health support.

You're building now a business and a coaching to try and help other women- Yes … become pregnant, because now you've gone through enough.

And, and- And, and then that's, that was it, and now you're looking at stage two, which is adoption.

Yeah.

Now this is off the table.

So, so what, what happened in stage three?

We'll take a, we'll take a break shortly.

Yeah.

But stage three was, was what, Crystal?

Well, stage three was surrogacy.

Because honestly, I thought, "How am I gonna keep helping couples when if I miscarry with this uterus…"

W- And it was a chance that I could, like, they could fix it.

If I miscarry, and now I'm older, I'm not gonna make no more embryos.

And if I miscarry, I will be so devastated, how am I gonna support somebody miscarrying?

Right.

How am I gonna make… How am I gonna support somebody through IVF and say, "It will get, you'll get through it," when I am not doing it myself?

And I felt like such a fraud.

And I, I know I've ta- I talked to you so many times, I'm like-

Yeah

… " Crystal: I feel like a fraud.

I'm not a mom.

Like, how can I be a coach?

How can I help people through this journey when I can't do it?" Right?

And I thought, "Oh my gosh." And I was helping so many people at the time.

You were.

I remember.

And You had… I mean, some people, especially in Burlington, would know, like Bloomis and Blooming Hopes and- Yeah … all the makeup.

Fertility Blooms.

Yeah, Fertility Blooms.

Yeah.

The, you know, the makeups and everything she was doing to raise funds to help other people get pregnant- Yeah … while trying to get pregnant, okay?

Yeah.

And

so- That's another we started a charity to support and help and donate money from, like, makeup.

Yeah.

Because she recognized- Yeah … what this was doing.

And- Yeah … and so, you know, and so there we go.

Yeah.

And then we went on the journey of-

Surrogacy

… Kristen: surrogacy.

I thought, "I can keep going," and-

I have goosebumps

if I have- … a surrogate that can carry my baby-

Yeah

… Crystal: I can keep working, and the baby will ar- arrive And I can do this, so

yeah And you've got the new avenue of helping other women.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, let's take a quick break on this one.

Yes.

We'll get the breathing room, and then we will jump right into, I think, the best part of the story yet because-

this is something you don't wanna miss.

Yeah.

And, and literally, like when, when we say she then went to war, like she literally went to war.

So, uh, we'll be right back, with more with, uh, Crystal Leochko, who is a health and fertility coach, here with the, uh, Fertility Fight Club.

I'm Kristen Demeny.

We'll be back in a moment.