In a world that glorifies the hustle, this episode is your permission slip to slow down.

Kelly Bush and Kelly Metras sit down with Karen Bartholomew, creator of the Pause Method, to explore the transformative impact of intentional pauses in both business and life. Together, they unpack what happens when we step off the hamster wheel of constant productivity and reconnect with ourselves.

Through candid conversation and real-life experiences, this episode highlights a powerful truth: taking a break isn’t a weakness, it’s a strategy.

What You’ll Learn

• Why constant “go mode” is actually working against your success
• How intentional pauses can improve clarity, decision-making, and leadership
• The emotional toll of entrepreneurship, and how to better navigate it
• Practical ways to build moments of pause into your daily routine
• How shifting your mindset around rest can unlock personal and professional growth

Real Talk Moments

Kelly and Kelly open up about the realities of balancing business ownership with personal health and family life- something many entrepreneurs quietly struggle with. This honest reflection sets the stage for a deeper conversation about burnout, boundaries, and redefining productivity.

Karen shares how societal pressure to always be “on” can disconnect us from our purpose, and how creating space to pause allows us to realign with what truly matters.

Key Takeaways

• Pausing is not a luxury, it’s essential for sustainable success
• Hustle culture can lead to burnout and disconnection
• You have permission to prioritize your well-being
• Small, intentional breaks can create powerful shifts
• Rewiring your mindset is key to long-term growth

Resources & Links

• Karen Bartholomew: karenbartholomew.com
• Bossy Roc: bossyro@gmail.com
• bossyroc.com

Final Thought

What if the key to doing more… is actually doing less?

• This episode invites you to step back, breathe, and rediscover the clarity and purpose that only a true pause can bring.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Foreign.

Welcome back to another episode of Getting Real with Bossy, the podcast that shows you what it's actually like to be a business owner.

We are your host, Kelly Bush, and.

Kelly Metras, who is here with two cats and a dog in a tiny room for some reason.

I mean, I'm here with a mother who doesn't understand podcasting, so we are equal with the possible disruptions that could happen today.

So on that note.

How you been, Kelly?

Okay.

I am nearing the end of my medical leave.

I have been out staying with my wonderful mother, who is a gem, and I'm so grateful to have her.

I've been here for over two months because rehabilitation has been much easier here.

And I'm heading home this weekend and I'm very glad.

Yes, I'm sure you are.

But I'm sure there's gonna be things that you miss.

Oh, definitely.

Like, we have.

We've had a couple game nights with some friends, and they're like, can we just go back and do it once a month?

We're gonna go, you know.

Yeah.

She's been giving me pedicures because, you know, I can't really deal with my foot.

So, like, maybe we just give each other pedicures once a week.

So, yeah, it's nice to be doted on.

It really is.

I'm also realizing at 58, I don't need as much mothering as mothering.

She wants to give, but it's all right.

It's been wonderful.

But I am excited to go home and I am excited to go back to work.

This has been more of a pause than I've wanted.

Yes.

And taking leave is hard.

I actually.

I got a text message from a friend of ours just the other night.

She was concerned her kid was sick.

And she's a business owner and I think it was worded.

So since my employees can call in because their kid is sick, can I call in Cause my kid is sick.

Something along those lines.

Absolutely.

And it's hard because, you know, while for some of us, it's easier.

Like, yeah, like, if I close down tomorrow, people are gonna be pissed, but they're just missing a meal and they're gonna go somewhere else to eat.

Right there' like another business that's going to provide their need, or they could go to Wegmans or, you know, it's not going to dramatically affect their lives, but this particular person has a business that is a service provider that is it.

It's, you know, it's going to dramatically affect people's lives and that guilt that you carry, you know?

And the question was, you know, what.

What message am I sending my kid?

Right.

Right.

Either I go to work and you're sick, and that sends the message that, like, work's more important, or am I sending the message that, you know, it's.

You have to pay the bills, you know what I mean?

Like, you got to make things work.

So I was like, I unfortunately, do not have the answer for you.

It's like I've been working sick all week and just wanted to crawl in a hole and.

And hide until I could feel better.

And, you know.

Right.

Sometimes gotta show up.

So, you know, we talk about taking breaks and we talk about getting our stuff in line and our ducks corrals and all of those fun things, but when it comes down to it, life is gonna keep on laughing.

So sometimes I think we just need to force it.

Right.

And it's a tricky balance when to make that decision to.

To move forward no matter what, or take.

Take time.

Yeah.

I almost wonder if it's something we need to be working more into our business plans, you know, policies and procedures and things and what constitutes.

So people aren't surprised.

Right.

These are the things that may happen.

And if this happens, I mean, we've got COVID policies that are still in existence all over the place, you know, even when you call Wegmans.

Wegmans.

If you want to sponsor us, that's cool.

Please do.

They're.

They're like, dial by directory.

You know, talks about their hours, and they're like, unless other mandates are in place, like, to this day.

Right.

We need mandates.

Like, our kid is sick mandate, or I need to.

Whatever.

I'm having a mental mandate.

Right.

I've been trying, and I feel like I mentioned this on the last.

The last podcast, but, like, just putting some things into place just because even though I'm not at work, I am still working, but I'm not.

I'm not in a routine, so I'm getting weird stuff done, which is kind of cool, but not stuff I should necessarily be getting done, but because, you know, my life is different here.

You know, I have a. I have a bedtime.

I don't have a bedtime, but, like, there's a time when things just wind down naturally, and that's kind of my mom's and my time to, you know, catch up on General Hospital.

General Hospital.

You're welcome to sponsor us or abc.

Oh, lucky.

Yeah.

But, you know, that's a time that I don't take phone calls, and it Was really nice to be like, if this isn't a call I know I have to get and it could be business related.

I'm gonna take this break for an hour to spend this time with her because this is now just part of my routine.

And she was even taken aback by me not answering.

I'm like, this is our time together.

Not every call has to be.

I don't have to be available all the time.

Who's calling you at that hour anyways, with anything pertinent that can't wait till tomorrow?

Exactly.

Of course, I did get a call at an inopportune time this week and it's because my employee had a baby.

Yeah, that was exciting and unexpected.

So.

Right.

Yeah.

Those are calls you want to take.

So.

Yeah.

So today we're going to talk about pausing, which I think we've touched on before, but it's important to keep coming back to and as life is crazy and life keeps lifing.

Yeah, gotta take that pause.

We've got Karen Bartholomew on today and she's going to talk about the pause method and then the work she does with that.

All right, enjoy the episode.

Take a deep breath.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Getting Real with Bossy, the podcast that tells you what it's actually like to be a business owner.

Today we're sitting down with Karen Balthalton Bartholomew, founder of the Pause Method, a coaching philosophy built on something most of us are really terrible at, slowing down.

Karen helps women and leaders step out of the chaos, question the stories they've been telling themselves, and actually realign with who they are and what they not in a fluffy way, but in a real, actionable, life and business changing way.

And honestly, in a world that still even now glorifies hustle, this conversation feels like exactly what we need.

Thank you so much for joining us, Karen.

You're so welcome.

Thank you for having me.

I'm really excited about sharing this message.

I'm so glad.

Well, we are very glad to have you here with us.

Thank you so much for joining us.

I think I just want to say pausing, something we all know we need to do, sounds so simple, but actually seems really uncomfortable for me and most business owners that I know.

So I'm very curious what you can teach us today because it is one of the most difficult things to do as a small business owner.

Absolutely, 100%.

Because we just hustle, hustle, hustle, grind, grind, grind.

Like we don't feel still like most of the time, isolate ourselves when we need a moment and that doesn't feel really great either, because then we remove ourselves from our community.

You know, the hustle, the culture, just, you know, you know, attempting to be our authentic selves.

But we're burned out most of the time, right?

So, yeah.

So teaching the power of the pause just gives us a little bit of a step back, right.

To really, like, hone into, like, what we want to create.

And sometimes in doing that, we tap into, like, you know, like, all.

All the things that keep us from doing what we want to do.

And then it gets scary, and then we stop and then we get back on the hamster wheel.

Right.

Because, you know, that's a scary place to go.

So one of the teaching tools I use is you don't need to go there all in.

You just need to identify where it's coming from and go, oh, okay, that's where it's coming from.

I can keep moving and doing what I'm doing, but at some point we want to unravel that so we don't start going back to the BS that we keep falling ourselves into over and over and over again.

Right.

So I teach women how to take a little step back and re reprogram themselves.

Basically a new narrative for themselves that actually gets them moving forward, even though it's just tiny little micro baby steps.

Right.

I think reprogramming is such a good word for this year too.

Cause we're going to be doing a lot of that.

So very timely.

Yeah, definitely.

You mentioned the hamster wheel.

And like, as business owners, you're running the hamster wheel to get business, and then you get the business and you run the hamster wheel to do the business.

And then when business slows down, you run the hamster wheel to get this, you know, so it's like you're either trying to get business or handling the business that you got.

And it's just one thing after another.

Right.

And it's a scary pause because I might miss something.

Right.

And I don't know when the next downturn is going to be.

I don't know when, you know, the economy is going to fail or a pandemic's going to hit or I think it actually might be worse now after the pandemic of, like, that I have to be prepared for anything.

So it's like I can't pause because if I pause, then I'm not getting business.

If I'm not working, then what if I can't pay my bills next month?

Isn't that interesting how that is?

Absolutely.

Once you Start taking a pause.

What happens is you absolutely realize how crazy that thinking is.

Because if we don't take care of ourselves, right, our self care, we're really no good to anybody.

So how are we going to be prepared for what happens in life, right?

Because life just presents itself the way it's going to present it.

We don't really need to tell the universe like what to do.

It's been doing its thing forever, right?

It's like.

And we think that, oh, we need to be all prepared for what's gonna happen, but really life happens and we're not gonna be prepared.

But we can take care of ourselves.

Like when you get on a plane and they ask you to put your oxygen mask on first so you could help others, we can't really help others the way we really want to unless we're taking care of ourself.

So, you know, one of the things I challenge people with is take a small pause in the morning to get yourself really grounded and ready for the day, regardless of what comes in your day.

Because then we're grounded and we're in tune to be able to take care of that.

Like chaos in my business, you know, in both businesses, because I have two businesses, one is in mortgage.

I've been in mortgage for 20 years.

It's never the same day.

There is always a loan going and we gotta fix it.

And there's always some inspection that comes in that we weren't expected to, or the appraisal comes in low or it might come in high, right?

And then we don't wanna, you know, tell the seller about that.

We just wanna like congratulate and give the buyer saying, hey, you just made a bunch of equity in your home, right?

So.

But even with women, I mean, like, there is stuff that happens all the time.

Like I just had to pivot because my daughter's having a baby literally in a week from tomorrow.

And I thought it was gonna be next month, right?

And now it's the beginning of the month, not after the month.

And so we had to pivot everything.

Like, oh my God.

I mean, I just, you know, had to push meetings out.

I mean, it just happens.

So if I'm grounded in all that, I'm like, I can approach that like in a very systematic way and go, okay, I just removed this move, this.

Let me ask for some help, which we're not good at, right?

You know, bring my community and go, hey, I need a little help here, I need a little help there, right?

You know, I'm supposed to watch My grand.

Other grandkids for three days.

We might need some help.

Cause I might have to like go to the hospital.

Right.

And so we have a backup plan.

And so now I'm not all crazy when life presents itself because I don't know what's gonna happen.

We really don't know what's gonna happen when we get off this podcast.

Yeah, right.

Well, that is a lot that you have going on and seeing how calm, cool and collected you are.

It's seems to be working.

So can we just go like, start back at the beginning.

Reading through your information, you talk about a moment, think of 14 years ago.

I don't know if that timeline still fits in with the paperwork that I have.

But how you felt stuck and disillusioned and what.

What did that actually look like in real life?

So I was a single mom of three kids who were.

God, how old were they?

Well, she's 25.

She must have been 15 or something.

No, 14.

25.

She was 10, right?

10 Years old.

I had a 10 year old, but it started actually before that.

I got sick of me.

I had a newborn at one time.

I had a 5 year old and I had a 11 year old.

And I came into the hospital by myself.

Very traumatic.

Husband left.

The day I came home from the hospital, I like was at a new.

All these kids and I know what to do with them.

The church definitely came in and helped me.

Community came in and helped me.

And that was awesome.

But it was tough.

And so I was a single mom for a long time.

So by year four, I just got to the point where I was like, I was just tired, exhausted, tired of doing life the same way, tired of ending up with the wrong men.

Like, you know, you tell yourself, I'm not going to do that again, and then it happens again.

Or just the BS thinking in my head and I'm like, I have to do something.

I'm just sick of me.

I need to take a pause.

I need to get my kids taken care of for a few days.

A friend of mine asked me to go to this self development workshop for three days and I just said yes because I was that, like, done, right?

And so I went and it was the best thing I ever did for myself because I got to see how I played life.

It was tough.

It was a tough three days.

But I'm like, wow, this is crazy what I'm hearing, what I'm seeing.

And I'm like, this ain't working.

And so then I was able to actually take that and do more classes and find out how I was effective and ineffective in leadership, how I took that identity that I had and took it mentally and physically.

You know, I ended up being a coach for this organization and actually teaching other people how to make big goals and do amazing things in three months.

And it was all mindset work, really, because if your mind's not right, then there's nothing comes out of it.

So then, you know, when it came time, I was coaching in personal development, and I was coaching in sales, but neither one of these organizations put the two things together.

And I'm like, oh, I can do that.

And so then I started doing it, and everything I learned was really a formula, right?

They didn't teach that, But I'm like, listen, I've been doing this and helping women for a long time.

I'm just gonna put a formula on it.

And so that's how I came up the pause method.

And my first pause was literally taking a walk to a.

To the mailbox because I was so chaotic, so, like, overwhelmed.

And I'm like, I just need to get away from this.

And so as soon as I got out and I realized what that did for me, instead of being on that hamster wheel all the time, right?

Performing.

Performing.

Performing for everyone else and not taking care of me, then I'm like, wow, life looks a little different when you just pause for a moment to get a sense of peace, and then you literally can look out and see joy.

And so I'm like, okay, this works.

I need to do this more, right?

And more and more and more.

Yeah.

And I had a mentor that challenged me all the time.

And so when I work with women, I don't give them homework.

I just challenge them to go out every week and do something that I know is going to move the needle based on their programming.

Well, that sounds.

That sounds something that we all deserve.

We deserve that time.

We deserve that joy.

And I think sometimes we feel like there's.

There's so much guilt that goes into small business ownership.

I feel like.

And women in leadership in general, what are we missing?

Is it home?

Is it family?

We feel like there's so many things that we're in charge of.

That ability to just pause and have a little bit of joy.

What a wonderful thing.

Well, it's giving yourself permission.

That is the big word that I'm using this year is permission.

Like, when do you give yourself permission to do something for you?

I mean, that's, like, a real question, right?

Yeah, I think three times last year.

I Think so?

Like, so here's a little tiny thing that you can do.

Like, some, some things are just that, the tiniest little thing.

It's like, what can you give yourself permission today?

Like, really, like, if I ask both,.

That's a good place to start.

What's a permission for something that you really need today or you want today?

And what is it?

It may be like, oh, my God, I haven't got my hair done for months.

I just need to make the appointment, right?

Or I just need to go get my nails done, or my toe, whatever it is for women, right?

Or I just need to go for a walk for five minutes.

I know women that just took a five minute walk around the corner.

And then it became more and more, and it was permission to go on her own with none of her kids.

And eventually the kids started saying, oh, mommy's on her walk.

And that walk became 30 minutes.

Wow.

And oh, no, we can't go with mommy.

It's totally fine.

That's her time, right?

It's like Kelly's ice cream on the floor time.

I ate my supine when I just lay flat on the floor and the kids are like, oh, mom's on the floor.

And then like, nobody talks, right?

I mean, like, you condition them to what you need and want, basically.

So I mean, I have, you know, I have a younger daughter and it was really tough for me when she was with a certain individual and it was like a six year relationship.

And I got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore.

And I have a house in North Carolina on my second home.

And I literally took a mental break because I was like, I was going nuts because it's hard to see your kids do things where you see them just jumping off the cliff, right?

And you want to save them and you can't at some point.

And I think I was trying to save, save, save, save, save for so long, right?

And then I'm like, I got to take my hands off.

And so I went out and my kids had a hard time with me being gone because I literally was gone for three and a half months.

I gave myself permission to stay there till I felt that.

And they were really upset.

They're like, that's too long, Mom.

And I'm like, okay, well, how long's too long, basically?

And I said, you know how you guys sometimes need a mental break and I don't hear from you for a while just because you have life going on and whatever, and I don't know really what's Going on.

But it's just been a while since I've heard from you.

I needed that for myself.

I wasn't good to anybody in this state.

And so what happened was it changed the communication between us.

It really did, because I took a step back, I took the pause, and I'm like, I'm going to go figure this out.

Why is this so hard for me?

And so when I figured it out and I took the moment to go, I'm going to change that.

What's going on with me that this is affecting me so much.

Everything changed.

And now she works for me again, and it's.

It's amazing.

She's having a baby in 10, what, seven days.

Days.

She's having a baby.

Right, so.

And it's just changed everything, and it's been amazing, so.

But it wasn't me looking outside of myself to find some quick fix, which is what we all do.

Oh, you know, wait, wait, wait for some circumstances to come.

No, no.

It was inside of me.

A pause that just.

I took literally inside of me to stop being on that hamster wheel.

So the hamster wheel is very different for everybody, right?

For everybody.

So, I mean, that's one thing.

And then the other thing that I literally do help women with is to tap back into your femininity.

We take on so much masculine behavior because we think we have to, because, you know, man's working or he's coming home, you know, he's just so tired and he shouldn't help or whatever.

Whatever.

But I see so many men on their phone and women, like, with the kids and the groceries in a wagon, and I'm like, dude, what are.

What's happening over here?

If we can multitask, which no one does, well, then you can, too.

I just saw a post online, and it said something along the lines, like, we've all come to agreement that women can do everything that men can do, so why can't we come to agreement that men can do everything women do?

And it took me a second to understand that that meant, like, cleaning the toilets and vacuuming and going grocery shopping and meal planning and, like, all of the things that we do to keep the house running that just naturally falls on us, or we take it on.

Like, it's not necessarily their fault.

Right?

Like, we just do it.

But it actually.

I had to read it three times to understand.

I didn't understand what it was saying until the third time I read it.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, we just automatically take it on.

It's kind of like when you own a business.

And I'm guilty of this, too.

Sometimes in earlier in my businesses, like, probably, I don't know, 15 years ago, I would be like, I'll just do it.

Because I didn't want to take the time to train.

And now I train my team.

Do not take it.

You're actually hurting that person.

You're enabling them not to take it on when they're totally capable of doing it.

Just take the time to teach them and then inspect what you expect, Right?

And then let them fly.

And if they're going to make mistakes, we're human beings, right?

And so you just tweak, tweak, tweak.

I remember I had an assistant once, he kept doing this one thing, and he just couldn't get over the hump.

He kept forgetting, forgetting, forgetting.

And I finally said, we just put a sticky note on his computer.

I'm like, big old pink thing, right?

And I'm like.

And he never forgot again.

But it took like 20 times.

It's like when you tell your kids, put your shoes on.

Put your shoes on.

And they don't want to put them on, right?

Then carry them out and walk through the snow.

Eventually, you know, it happens.

Get there.

Right?

We get there.

Right?

We get there.

You have to make it important to you that they learn what you need them to learn, because if you just do it, then you're actually undermining your own importance.

Yeah.

And some people, like, don't give them permission because, you know, they don't.

They don't want, you know, you're buried, but you're burned out, but you don't want to ask for help.

Right.

And there's all these expectations that we put on ourself.

And I'm like, no, but the truth is, what are we fearful of?

Well, and what we're really fearful of,.

We're fearful of giving up control, Right.

And I think so many women have built their identity around being the one who handles everything.

And what happens when you start to question that?

So how do you separate ambition from burnout?

I think that's so tricky.

Well, I think that people have forgotten the things that brought them joy and peace.

And so when you get on that hamster wheel, right?

I mean, it's the same thing.

We wake up in the morning, we take care of everybody.

We take moments to get ourselves ready.

Right?

But, like, who's really working out or taking a walk in the morning?

I mean, whatever it is for you, that could be different things.

I'm just giving you an Example, are we drinking a 8 ounce glass of water in the morning?

Right.

Are we having a moment for some meditation?

Even if it's just sitting outside and listening to the birds because the birds are out now at 7am they wake me up just to take a moment to find some peace and joy instead of just jumping on that hamster wheel, right?

And then you're jumping on the performance track at work, right?

Trying to, you know, keep everybody.

I have women that actually get underneath their desk for 10 minutes just to time out.

Love that, right?

I mean just shut the door and just take 10 minutes.

No one's going to know you're in there.

No one's going to know, right?

They're going to think you're in the bathroom or wherever you are or what, whatever, right?

She's just gone.

Or whatever it is.

Just to take a moment.

Because here's the thing about us entrepreneurs and being a corporate America, we just continue to like do even CEOs.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

And we never.

The creativity is here, but sometimes it's so fast paced that we can't even listen to ourselves.

So we're just do and we have the an.

I was sitting in the back and I had the answers.

They were playing this game, very interesting game.

It was called the Red Black game.

Can't explain it to you because if anybody goes plays it, I don't want to give the answers.

But I was sitting in the back and you know, I didn't know that I was a natural leader but I found out during this time and I was sitting in the back and I was sitting here.

The Apprentice was one of the shows on at the time and I said, boy, if they were on the premise, he would fire their blah, blah, blah, blah.

And one of the facilitators heard me say that and he said, well then why aren't you up there being the leader?

And I what?

Instead of sitting in the back, quiet, right.

Really, really had to look at that and go, wow, thank you.

I still didn't go up there, but you know, and then I became a coach for that organization, the coach of coaches, which was the one that was actually coaching the coaches that were facilitating.

And so it's just a whole transformation, right?

And then I got to see, you know, effective and ineffective leadership.

I chose not to make people happy, but I chose to figure out who I was.

Not being a people pleaser, where do I lead from the back, from the side, silently, and from the front.

You know, what works and what doesn't work, right?

So I'm like.

And it was painful because I like people to like me.

I'm a people pleaser by trade, right?

And I'm this middle child.

Two boys, right?

Mediator.

All these things, right?

And I had to go, it's okay that they don't like me.

I'm not here to be liked.

Right?

And the funny thing is, I am coaching one of those ladies that didn't like me in that class, and I coached her later, and we became friends.

So weird, right?

Total, you know, roundabout.

We talked about it.

I didn't like you when you got on the bus.

The class started, and, like, I got up there, you know, with a microphone and said, okay, let's play a game.

And people were like, who is she?

But I'm like, well.

And it's also very common for women to not like strong, independent women, especially upon first meeting.

And I will say, most of my girlfriends and I did not like each other.

Like, upon first meeting was like, oh, like, she's okay.

But what was it?

What was the thought process running?

You don't know.

Like, when I was younger, like, I don't know, like, I wasn't paying attention.

But we, like, laugh about it now.

I'm like, well, younger now.

We still see the benefit in each other and our strong personalities.

Yeah, but when you're young, you're like, I don't.

I don't like her.

Yeah, well, because, you know, we don't want people to know who we really are.

Right?

I want people that challenge me now.

I'm like, if you hear me say something, like, call it out.

It's the only way I'm going to grow, Right?

Yeah, women are great.

But the same thing is true, though, right, that, you know, we take on all this stuff.

Stuff.

But we need people to go.

We need to let that go.

We need to let that go.

And so every week when I am.

When I, you know, I'm mentoring women, I'm like, okay, what can you let go of this week?

Right?

What's a little thing that you can let go?

You know, maybe, hey, you know what?

I need to go do this.

Can you make the bed?

Right.

You know what?

I need to watch that the little things end up being just as stressful as the big things because they're just on the list, right?

Like, there's 10 things on the list.

Well, five of them might not be important, but they're Just running through of, like, these are the things I need to get through.

Like, I have to get through.

Well, some of them are really important and you have to get through them.

And some of them doesn't really matter now.

Yeah, yeah, it's exactly right.

We just, you know, just to get off the hamster wheel for a little while.

I'm not saying you're gonna get off it altogether.

Right.

I mean, I grind out my business, like for 90 days on a regular basis, but after 90 days, like, I need to take like three days of mini vacation.

So I schedule it if I take a girlfriend or I take whoever I take.

Right.

But I schedule it.

So I always say, you know, what life are you creating?

Like, time is on our side.

Right, right.

Well, and I think in order to prioritize, think just off of what you said, all the prioritizing, we can't do that when we're on that wheel.

So that's why I think the pause is so important for the future of our businesses and our mental health.

Yeah.

Um, it's all about how we think.

Right.

I mean, Shakespeare says this quote that I love.

It's called, there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

So where's the thought process that women have to do everything?

What did we pick up that we weren't supposed to pick up?

And it's just time to lay it down and ask for help.

Well, you do have some really great.

And I love that you call them gifts because they are gifts on your website.

And I went through all of them, particularly the seven questions.

And it's so great.

Like, I am.

I am working on ending this year in alignment.

I want to be in alignment instead of exhaustion, which is usually where I end every year.

So going through that and the questions you ask were so, so wonderful, and it really was a wonderful tool.

So I want to mention that now for people that are hearing this.

And also you've got a journal on there, so there are ways to really start tapping into some of these things that you're actually talking about right now.

What a wonderful gift to offer people.

Yeah, it's been there for a while, so, yeah, take advantage of that, for sure.

Also, the pause method is in there.

Also.

We're having a retreat coming up in September in California.

And, you know, that's all on there as well.

But the pause method is on there.

It's a formula.

And really quickly, if I could just like walk you through the five.

Please do.

I do teach a five week course on this.

It's also on the website as well.

But really it's like, you know, the first piece of the pause, it's just really to understand the patterns that we have.

Like we all have patterns that we do, right?

And every time you go, oh, I did it again, I mean that's a pattern, right?

Or maybe it's a good pattern, right.

That you picked up and to really understand what they are.

And so the questions are asked, you know, like if something really triggers you, it means we're not healed from it.

Okay.

Based on your reaction or your response.

And if something triggers you, it's a good time to go, wow, when's the first time that I remember feeling that way.

Right.

It's typically going to take you back to like your 8 to 12 year old self somewhere and it could be trauma, it doesn't have to be.

It could be something that's happening now that's triggering you.

Right.

But typically you just got to figure out when's the first time and what was the message that I told it, what was the narrative, what was the story I put on top of that.

Right.

Because now if I ask the question, I'm like, oh, wow, that happened to you when you were nine years old.

Like, tell me about that, tell me more, tell me more, tell me more.

And then I can look at it and go, okay, so we just want to like accept that because that was our truth when we were young, but doesn't mean it's truth today.

Right, right.

We could be living that, bringing it forward and it's really a lie because if you take your 8 year old self and bring it forward, it's not truth anymore.

Some people like say, you know, you know, I'm not.

Let's just pick the norm.

The one that most people, you know, I'm not enough, it's something or I'm, you know, I'm not a deserving.

There's lots of stuff that run underneath there, you know, but if you weren't, didn't feel like you were enough, like you've asked me to come be a guest on this and so it's little things like that that I go, well, that's not a truth anymore.

I don't need to live there.

And if I showed up today, right.

Knowing that that's not truth and my truth is here, right.

How would, how would I see the world?

What would my behaviors look like?

Right.

So to actually see the pattern, accept it without any judges, judgment or opinion, it just was what it was and now really like, you know, understand that story, but start rewriting that story, right?

So understand it.

Unravel it all.

I'm like, okay, let's rewrite the story, because it's not truth.

What is the truth today?

Right?

Well, the truth is you are enough.

You're more than enough.

You're beautiful.

You're, like, exceptional.

You're brilliant, whatever it is, right?

And so.

And then literally start practicing that new narrative.

Because that's really the truth today.

Because when you start fearing stuff, the problem is we always grab something from the past.

I always say it's our history of our library, right?

All the messages are in our library, stacked up, and some fear comes in, and you just, whoop, I know what that is, and I know what that looks like.

Well, no, you don't.

You really don't know what that looks like.

How many times in our imagination.

Because that's what it is.

It's our BS thinking imagination of this story that we've created, right?

How many times does it really come true?

Yeah, that's such an important message, I think.

There's so many times I've said this to other people, and I rarely do it to myself.

Like, what evidence do you have of that belief?

Because.

Because.

Because I don't think that's true.

And it doesn't seem like you have a lot of evidence about that.

Your work must be so therapeutic.

You know, it is.

And I don't.

We don't.

It's not therapy.

I'm not a therapist, right?

I mean, I'm just doing what I've been through and what I've learned.

Because therapists usually focus on the problems, right?

You know, unraveling the problem, problem, problem.

And I'm like, I'm not in that world.

I'm like, what's the solution?

Right, Right.

We're the solution.

Where's the pain?

Let's just unravel the pain a little bit.

Not.

Not live there.

And then where's the solution?

And let's live in that new world versus this one.

Grabbing it forward, grabbing it forward.

My whole thing is, like, helping people get into this new space of, like, what's possible.

So I.

One of my quotes I use is, in uncertainty, there are so many possibilities, right?

But in.

In uncertainty, we grab fear and go, nope, not going there.

And then we are stay on the same wheel of life, right?

And I'm like, no, it's like, to challenge women to go, no, let's go there.

But let's go there proactively.

Like, listen, unravel it.

I say to people, like, Just explore.

Just, like, interrogate yourself so much that it becomes a game.

It doesn't need to be painful, but, like, just unravel that.

What's going on?

Why are we triggered?

I had to do it with my mom over time, and it doesn't trigger me anymore.

I know how to balance that.

Right.

I don't spend small amounts of times in a room, you know, where it's.

It's the questions and the stuff comes up that I'm not willing to talk about.

Let's go do something for three hours.

Let's get out of the house, go do something.

And then the whole world changes.

It's different now.

My relationship with my mom is very different because I chose to go.

Okay, what's working?

What's not working?

What can we do?

Let's try this.

Let's pivot and try this one.

And this works.

All right.

And then I also give myself permission.

When I do get in a space, no matter what space it is, the word permission comes up again.

I give my permission to do an hour.

If the hour is too long.

I give my permission to, like, maybe 30 minutes, regardless of what it is.

Right?

Permission to, like, leave a boardroom, you know, because you're not.

You're.

It's.

It's triggering something, and I'm like.

I'm not hearing what I'm saying, but I don't feel like I can say anything.

Right?

Just permission to take a pause.

Permission just to, like, if you can't leave, just to go.

Okay, where's that coming from?

Let me listen to this in a different frame.

See what I could, you know, participate in or not.

Just permission in that kind of scenario.

Permission to ask for clarification.

Like, you are strong enough and smart enough and capable enough to push back if you're not picking up or don't like what someone's saying because of the way that they're explaining it.

To speak up and be like, I don't.

Yeah, I don't like what this is sounding like.

I may be hearing you wrong.

Can you.

Yeah.

Can you reiterate that?

Can you.

Can you change the way you're saying that?

Can you explain it differently?

And even just you saying that isn't that powerful as a woman, but not coming across as a.

You know, what they call us when we're strong women, Right?

Boss bitches.

Boss bitch or whatever it is.

Right?

So I have a mentor right now.

I love her to death.

Her name's Shayla, and I heard her say this on stage.

One day, she goes you know, we are like, you know, very strong, independent women, and we're powerful women.

But sometimes you have to put the bunny suit on on the outside and bounce around and be, you know.

And I'm like, wow, that's very interesting analogy, but it's true.

There's a way to come across that you can still be powerful and poised and say what you mean and be seen, have a voice and know you matter.

And that's changing.

And I love being a part of seeing the different generations and how they're responding to society and how they're changing the cultural norms and the gender norms, but it's not completely changed.

And there's different generations that are dealing with it differently.

So I find myself having to behave and speak in a variety of ways to make sure I'm being heard and get my voice across.

Because if I'm talking to a certain group of people, I need to show off my femininity and get them interested in what I have to say when I say it to get my way.

And then there's other people that I could just be myself with, and then there's other people that I have to be very careful what I'm saying because I am also of a different generation, and I don't know what they're accepting of these days.

So there's like this.

This different.

Entirely different language, but has to happen with different people.

Do you find that you're a different.

You're putting on a different set of clothes everywhere you go, essentially, yeah.

So then.

So what's the true, authentic you?

Who's getting to see the true, authentic you?

You guys?

Yeah.

Well, they're all authentic.

It's understanding that I have to speak a certain way to be heard by different people because they're understanding of how the world works is different.

Right.

That's absolutely true.

So it's all authenticity.

You're just tweaking it a little bit, but still having your voice being seen.

And knowing it's understanding that this generation or this type of person isn't going to get it.

If I just come out and blurt it out, they're going to be like, oh, my God.

And they're just going to put a wall and they're not going to hear anything.

I'm ready.

I'm ready to pause.

You ready to pause?

Okay.

So, yeah, and then we have a.

We have a retreat coming up in September.

I'm actually going to do three masterclasses to prepare for that retreat.

One in June, July and August.

Right.

The retreat's Going to be in San Francisco Bay area.

I think I'm actually looking at wineries right now for spaces to pick something amazing because we're going to have a meetup the night before.

There's some breath work in the morning, and then methodology and coaching, like real life coaching going on.

So.

And I got to tell you, the last retreat I did, like all the women broke free from something, some constraint that they had.

I'm not safe, right.

I'm not loved.

I mean, there were just.

There's different ones, right?

So, because the goal is for those messages to go bye, bye and to have harmony, peace, vitality and community.

Okay.

Because we all need community to feel that we belong.

Vitality is a difference of disease and all the stuff we create in our body from stress.

Right.

And to, to have peace and harmony.

Right.

So it's just, you know, we all have things that we do to sabotage that, right?

To keep ourselves small and stuck.

Right.

Whether you feel like you don't belong, you're bad, or you're not enough, you know, or, you know, whatever, or you just trouble, whatever the message is for you.

We do things to overcompensate for that and then we never break free from them.

And so that's, that's what I'm passionate about is seeing women break free from that.

Sometimes it takes six months, sometimes it takes three months, sometimes it takes no time at all.

You know, it just depends on how far you're willing to go.

But that's the beauty of it all.

So.

So yeah, if anybody's interested in those three months, four months, tell they can just DM me, okay.

On my Instagram.

This is Karen Bartholomew.

Just give me a DM and put retreat.

And the people that you know are here, I will give them a discount to come.

Yeah, that's very generous.

Thank you.

Well, and I feel like coming out of that, you're going to be able to make more aligned decisions because you're not fighting with this thing that you've carried that you don't even know that you're carrying.

So, yeah, I think that sometimes business growth is internal and not just business related because you can only accomplish what your brain has the capacity for.

And if you're holding on to all these things because you're not pausing and you're not acknowledging them and you're not working through them, how much can you actually grow?

Yeah.

And I want to help women, you know, create the next chapter of their lives.

You can design whatever you want, right.

It's like a jigsaw puzzle, you know, every piece means something.

What piece?

You know, what do you want to create?

I love it.

Get a blank canvas.

You can create whatever you want.

Perfect.

What do you want to create?

That's a.

So it's the best.

I mean, what is it like if you had all the time in the world, like, you know, what do you want to create?

If I know I need eight hours of sleep.

Well, those are my eight hours, you know, I still have two more eight hours.

How much do I really want to work?

And if you're a young mom, you only want to work nine to two, right.

Be home with your kids.

Right.

Or whatever it is, you know, so like really start creating that.

If you, if you, if someone's told you you're not good at singing when you were young and you're afraid to sing now, but that's something you're really was really passionate about.

Right.

So then go sign up for a singing class sometimes.

That's the first step.

Just to research in the area.

Right.

And then all of a sudden you're like, you start seeing that spark come back for people, you know, or if you like to draw.

Journaling's best, like I said.

And the journal prompts are, you know, on my website@karen Bartholomew.com and I mean, it's the best when you really get stuck.

Journaling is a really good thing to just take some time and just ask the questions.

Right, Right.

So is the best way to get in touch with you through your Instagram and website?

Instagram is best.

But you know what, I can give you my phone number.

People can just DM me.

I'm totally happy.

I am happy for anybody just to text me, call me, let me know that you were on, you know, you saw the podcast and then, yeah, more than happy to do that.

I like discovery calls if someone's really interested in being mentored because that 30 minutes really tells me where they are, where they're starting from and where they really want to go.

Right.

And then, you know, it's just baby steps, you know, along the way I do one on one coaching and group coaching.

So it just depends on what somebody's interested in.

And then, yeah, as many people as we can help.

Right?

Like you guys are doing the same thing here.

Like, my goal is really to get a thousand women across United States, right.

That are part of this community.

Because once you're in a group setting, I've had people that like, were scared of dating, like, now.

Now she's found her man of her dreams, and I think they're trying to have a baby.

Another one, you know, just changed her job.

She thought she was.

And she thought she was going to build, you know, sell and buy a new home.

They ended up just putting an ADU in their back in the backyard so she could have an office, because that was her dream, to have an office.

I'm like, but she loved her house, right?

And so, you know, things change along the way.

You know, one woman was just starting out in real estate, you know, had her walk downtown and just let every merchant know who she was, and now they all know her.

So I'm like, the point is, is when you're on that side of the street, people will go, oh, that's Emily, the real estate gal.

You need to go talk to her.

Right?

So smallest little things that people don't think about can make a huge, huge impact in your life.

And it was just the one guy that asked me to take that class.

It was just that.

And look at all the people.

You've changed.

It's been a pleasure, like, watching it happen.

You know, first of all, you know, and the.

And me, me, most of all, I learned from everybody.

That's the best thing about coaching and mentoring.

Thank you so much for not only helping all of the people that you've helped along the way across these years and for taking that class and changing everyone's lives and your own, but thank you for joining us today.

I have so much to unpack and move through, and I got to answer all the questions and.

Yeah, always looking to you, Kelly.

What's that?

I said we're always leaving with something to do.

I know, and it sounds like booking tickets to San Francisco might be on that list.

Yeah.

Well, I will keep you posted.

I will send you the information if you go to the website under the pause method.

You know, just go to the pause method.

It actually has questions on there, too.

You'll see it.

It's all.

It's pink and white, and it'll walk you through each, you know, phase, and it'll ask little questions in there as well.

That's fantastic.

Thank you so much for joining us.

You're welcome.

Thank you for having me.

All right, well, that was enlightening.

So I'm thinking that when we block our calendars, we talk a lot about, like, how multitasking and jumping back and forth is really bad for you.

And, like, you should have, like, this is the time.

I'm working on this and this is the time I'm working on that.

And have it like blocked in your calendar that we need to block in time to pause.

And she does have some journaling and some great free gifts on her website.

So that's definitely something to take a look at that will help you with some of those things.

And I think one of my biggest takeaways, you know, we talk about, oh, taking a break, taking a break.

It's like such a luxury for a business owner.

It's not.

It's just part of your day.

It has to just be part of your every day.

It's not a luxury.

It's a right.

It's a right that we need to start giving ourselves.

And as somebody that, you know, doesn't stop until I'm deathly ill, which I didn't even stop being deathly ill.

Cause even though people, like, don't go to work sick, they're also like, oh my God, why can't I get a meal right now?

I, you know, I talk about this a lot.

I plan vacations, right?

And I had just got away with my husband for a few days because we were working.

I mean, I kind of say 80 hour weeks.

And that's exaggerating, but it's not exaggerating my life that much.

Like, we were both working, you know, anywhere from 50 to 75 hour weeks.

And we have four kids at home to try to take care of and, you know, all of that fun stuff.

And so we took a couple of days and we snuck away.

And I saw somebody at an event right after, and they were like, oh, yeah, didn't you just go on vacation again?

And it was, it was the tone.

I was like, oh, my God, that's okay.

Well, you obviously don't understand my life.

You don't understand how hard I work every single day to earn this freaking vacation, right?

And I just, like, I paused, like, good.

No, we don't.

Not in the hallway.

And I was just like, it was really hard to not take personally.

And I was like, that was the only time I got to stop, right?

I had to force it to happen.

So I took all of my pauses in three days and built them all up.

Good.

Thanked my pause.

That's what you have to do.

Yes.

I think it's really important that we do it on a more regular basis so that we're not losing our minds, Right?

I mean, is that the cure?

I don't know.

I'll put in some pauses, we'll see if that helps.

But no, it was a very Enlightening conversation.

And I'm sorry that that happen to you because that is just.

I loop that in with the.

Must be nice.

Is that people just don't get it.

I just sent.

Right.

I just sent something to our group text.

I don't know if you saw it yet.

I saw it come in, but I was.

Yeah.

I'm like your husband did.

It says business owners are like, I could never work a 95, a 9 to 5.

I just really love the flexibility to work my 136 hours per week whenever I choose.

That needs to go to our group message.

Our group text for sure.

Why work?

Because that's how it is.

Right.

And I do.

I don't think I could ever go back to that structure.

But even being here from a recliner, unable to move, I'm still doing nine hour days.

And when you pause it's.

It really is clarifying, you know, like when I came back, I really was able to take on life again.

I was able to jump in and do the work that I had to do.

That at the end, I was just.

The last week I literally was like, I don't, I just, I don't even.

Know what I'm doing.

My brain was foggy.

I wasn't doing my best.

It was just get through it, get through it, get through it, go to bed, get through it, get through it, get through it, go to bed, check things off the list, go to bed, check things off the list, go to bed.

And that's not healthy or good for anybody.

And I'm not gonna say that it's so unhealthy.

But that's what we do.

I'm not doing good for anybody in that.

Right.

So take your pause.

Take your pause and reach out to us and let us know what you're doing to take your pause.

Are you going for that walk?

Are you just taking a couple minutes to go walk down and get the mail and that turns into something a little bit longer each time.

We would love to hear if you're banking your pauses into a three day vacation.

That's amazing.

Tell us where you're going.

Cause we want good ideas.

Yes.

Reach us@bossyrockmail.com B O S S Y R O C Follow us on our socials, Facebook and Instagram A Rochester and tell us if you want to be on the show and you have something you want to share with us and our listeners.

Love to have you.

Be bold, be brave, be the boss.