Shownotes
Meet three of the women, Sam, Tammy, and Michele, who are sharing their self-love stories this summer. They open up about what their Human Design revealed, what self-love actually looks like on an ordinary day, and what they're still working through.
This episode is Erica reading the companion Substack article for this week, part of the Summer of Self-Love series exploring women's complicated relationships with self-love and self-criticism through the lens of Human Design.
Read the Substack Article: Unfiltered: Jen, Helena, and Csilla on Self-Love in Midlife
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Book your Life Patterns Review here.
Follow me on Substack: https://substack.com/@ericavoell
Connect with me: erica[at]ericavoell[dot]com
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ericavoell.coaching/
Transcripts
Welcome to the Unfolding podcast, a space where we explore what
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:it looks like to really trust yourself,
say no without guilt, and live your
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:life like it actually belongs to you.
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:I am Erica Voell, a decision mentor
and inner trust guide, and I help
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:women in midlife untangle from the life
patterns of shape-shifting and keeping
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:everyone else happy, claim how they are
uniquely designed to make decisions,
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:and understand their unique strengths.
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:Using human design as a lens, we clear the
noise of conditioning so their no feels
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:powerful and their yes feels true, and
they can move forward without self-doubt,
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:guilt, or the pressure to prove anything.
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:On this show, we have honest conversations
about self-trust, boundaries, energy,
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:and identity, especially for women
in midlife who are done living by the
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:shoulds and second-guessing themselves.
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:If you've taken every personality test,
followed the recommended path, and still
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:can't shake that feeling that you've
been spending your whole life trying to
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:fit in when what you really wanted was
to belong, you are in the right place.
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:You'll hear stories, insights,
and tools rooted in human
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:design, coaching, and real life.
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:Not to tell you what to do like
another self-help book, but to help you
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:really hear yourself so you can stop
overthinking and start making decisions
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:that feel grounded, clear, and true.
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:We are in the middle of the Summer of
Self-Love, and I am having so much fun.
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:I hope you are, too.
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:In this episode, I am highlighting three
more women who are sharing their stories
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:so that you can get to know them better.
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:This episode is in the form of me reading
the Substack article that was posted.
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:You can find the link in the show notes.
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:Unfiltered: Sam, Tammy, and
Michelle on self-love in midlife.
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:This summer of self-love started very
randomly from one comment Michele
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:Marie Neyers made in a masterclass.
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:You can read the full story.
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:There's a link in the article.
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:I let it simmer for less than a day, and I
knew that this needed to be the summer of
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:self-love, exploring women's complicated
relationships with themselves, as well as
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:the self-criticism that we learn early on.
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:The women who are sharing their stories
as part of this series don't have
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:it all figured out, and each one of
them is on a path to a deeper, more
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:loving relationship with themselves.
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:Each woman shares an authentic version
of herself, not just the aspirational
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:one that we have been sold for years.
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:They share what self-love looks
like on the hard days, what human
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:design changed for them, and
what they are still working on.
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:I'm highlighting each of them
a few at a time so that you
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:can get to know them better.
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:Their deeper stories will be woven
through future articles, and you'll
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:get to meet them through Substack
Lives throughout the summer.
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:Everyone has their own unique
human design, which shapes a
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:story that only they can tell.
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:And what ties so many of us together
is that loving ourselves is a journey.
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:We're on different continents,
and still the threads connect us.
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:This article is part three,
profiling three women who said yes.
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:Dr.
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:Sam Graber, who writes Strong Over
Skinny, Tammy McCrory, who writes
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:Unshrinking You, Michelle Marie Neiers,
who writes The Sacred Art of Becoming Her.
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:Dr.
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:Sam Graber.
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:One, tell us a little about yourself
and where you are in life right now.
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:Right now, I feel like I'm in a
season of paying closer attention.
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:I've been learning to notice my own
rhythms more and to pay attention to
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:what my body and energy are actually
telling me instead of expecting myself
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:to operate exactly the way I always have.
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:That's meant letting go of some
old expectations and becoming more
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:curious instead of immediately
assuming I'm doing something wrong.
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:What's interesting is that the things
I find myself navigating personally
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:often become the things I end up talking
about and sharing with other women.
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:I feel like I'm stepping into my sage
season, embracing my inner crone.
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:This season feels quieter in some
ways and more intentional in others.
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:I still care deeply.
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:I still have goals, but I'm less
interested in proving something and
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:more interested in creating a life
that actually feels good to live.
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:Two, what's one thing about your human
design that changed how you see yourself?
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:One of the biggest shifts from learning
about my human design was realizing that
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:something I had interpreted as a flaw may
have actually been pertinent information.
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:For years, I thought I needed to become
more consistent, more linear, more
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:certain, more like the people around me.
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:I spent a lot of energy trying to
override my natural rhythms because I
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:assumed discipline meant ignoring myself.
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:Human design gave me a different lens.
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:Instead of asking, "How
do I make myself fit?"
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:I started asking, "What happens
if I trust how I am built?"
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:That shift didn't remove self-doubt
overnight, but it softened the
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:constant self-correction and
created more permission to work with
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:myself instead of against myself.
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:Three, what does self-love actually
look like in your daily life?
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:Not the aspirational version,
but what you actually do.
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:Honestly, self-love looks a lot more
ordinary than I thought it would.
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:These days it looks like paying
attention sooner instead of waiting
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:until I'm completely depleted.
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:It looks like eating enough,
sleeping more, moving in ways that
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:feel supportive, and not treating
rest like something I have to earn.
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:It also looks like catching myself
when I start slipping into old
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:patterns, thinking I need to push
harder, be more disciplined, or that I
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:should be handling everything better.
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:I'm getting better at asking, "What
do I actually need right now?"
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:Instead of immediately trying to
override whatever I'm feeling.
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:Some days self-love is
making a nourishing meal.
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:Some days it's changing my plans.
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:Some days it's reminding myself
that not every dip in energy means
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:that I'm doing something wrong.
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:More than anything, it's become
less about fixing myself and more
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:about staying connected to myself.
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:Four: What are you still working on
when it comes to loving yourself?
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:I'm still working on not
assuming that every change means
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:that I need to work harder.
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:There are still moments when
my energy feels different.
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:I'm not as productive as I expected to be.
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:I catch a glimpse of myself in a
photo, or I feel less capable than
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:I think I should, and my instinct
is to want to solve it immediately.
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:But I've been learning that
not everything needs fixing.
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:Sometimes there's
information in those moments.
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:Sometimes my body needs
something different.
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:Sometimes expectations need
updating more than habits do.
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:That's probably one of the places
where my personal life and when I
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:end up sharing overlap the most.
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:I tend to talk about the things
that I'm actively learning myself.
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:I'm still practicing being
curious before becoming critical,
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:asking, "What is this telling me?"
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:Instead of, "What am I doing wrong?"
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:And I'm still learning that giving myself
more grace doesn't mean caring less.
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:It just means trusting that I
don't have to be at full capacity
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:at all the time to be okay.
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:Dr.
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:Sam's Substack publication,
Strong Over Skinny.
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:Tammy McCrory.
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:One, tell us a little about yourself
and where you are in life right now.
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:I'm a clinical hypnotherapist and
mental performance coach, and these
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:days my work is centered around helping
women who have spent years being the
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:strong one finally experience what it
feels like to stop bracing for life.
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:Ironically, I'm in a
season of unshrinking too.
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:Building a business that reflects
who I actually am instead of who I
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:thought I needed to be has required
just as much inner work as strategy.
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:Less proving, more trusting,
less performing, more becoming.
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:I don't have it all figured out, but I
trust myself far more than I used to.
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:That has changed everything.
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:Two.
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:What's one thing about your human design
that changed how you see yourself?
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:Discovering I have a line two
vibe of tribe completely reframed
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:my relationship with visibility.
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:For years, I thought I needed to
push harder, market louder, and
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:constantly prove my expertise.
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:Instead, I realized my greatest
influence comes when I am deeply
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:immersed in my work and allow the
right people to recognize me naturally.
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:As a four six, relationships have
always been the foundation of
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:everything meaningful in my life.
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:Human design gave me permission
to stop chasing opportunities
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:and start trusting the ones that
arrive through genuine connection.
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:It felt less like learning
something new and more like
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:remembering who I had always been.
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:What does self-love actually
look like in your daily life?
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:Not the aspirational version,
but what you actually do.
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:Self-love looks surprisingly ordinary.
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:It's noticing when my nervous system
is asking for a pause before my
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:mind convinces me to keep pushing.
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:It's taking a walk instead of
forcing another productive hour.
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:It's using fascia maneuvers,
breathwork, or hypnosis before I
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:try to think my way out of anxiety.
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:Most of all, it's catching myself
when I start measuring my worth
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:by what I accomplished that day.
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:I'm learning that my value doesn't
fluctuate with my productivity.
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:That practice has been far more
healing than any morning routine.
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:Four, what are you still working on
when it comes to loving yourself?
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:I'm still unwinding the belief that being
responsible means carrying everything.
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:The inner critic still likes to
whisper that I should be doing
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:more, growing faster, helping
everyone, or holding it all together.
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:It especially shows up when I'm tired.
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:The difference now is that I
recognize its voice much sooner.
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:Instead of believing it, I get curious.
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:I come back to my body.
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:I remind myself that safety
isn't something I have to earn.
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:For me, self-love isn't becoming
someone who never struggles.
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:It's becoming someone who no longer
abandons herself when she does.
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:Tammy's Substack
publication, Unshrinking You.
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:Michelle Marie Neyers.
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:One, tell us a little about yourself
and where you are in life right now.
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:I had a birthday recently and
I am beginning my fifty-seventh
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:trip around the sun.
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:A couple of years ago, before I turned
fifty-five, I began drafting a version
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:of my life at sixty and beyond.
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:I nicknamed it my fifty-five plus health
span plan, not longevity, but health span.
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:It's not the number of years I get
that I'm concerned about anymore, but
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:rather the quality of those years.
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:My her at sixty and beyond has a
renewed vitality and vibrancy that
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:fuels her purpose and passions.
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:The company I started in two
thousand and sixteen, Juicy
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:Conscious Living LLC, is celebrating
its tenth anniversary this year.
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:Some would say I'm in the minority to have
a small business that's still standing.
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:Just like me, it's still
deciding what it's becoming next.
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:One of the beautiful gifts of midlife
is the clarity of purpose that comes
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:about who you are and what purpose you
are meant to fulfill in this lifetime.
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:Not magically arriving on your
doorstep one day, but because of
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:the compounding effect of you being
more of who you authentically are.
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:I feel pretty content most days,
but I also carry a big vision of my
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:life and building my body of work.
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:So sometimes I can suffer occasional
moments of impatience where I just
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:want everything to happen right now.
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:Two, what's one thing about your human
design that changed how you see yourself?
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:Hands down, it would be the realization
that my body is perfectly designed
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:just as it is to help me fulfill the
purpose I am here for, and so is yours.
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:I'm convinced that this was a divinely
delivered message that came in the
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:form of two questions posed to me
while I was intently studying my natal
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:design one ordinary Sunday afternoon.
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:I recognized the message as pure truth
being delivered to me, an inner knowing
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:that the statement was truer than any
belief I'd ever held about my body.
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:And from that day forward, it has been
the dominant belief I hold without
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:any conscious effort on my part.
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:Now expressions like, "My body is a
sacred temple," and, "My perceived
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:flaws are blessings with a purpose," are
living, breathing beliefs that govern my
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:behavior and attitude towards my body.
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:All this and I started wearing
shorts and showing my legs again
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:after decades of covering them up.
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:Three.
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:What does self-love actually
look like in your daily life?
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:Not the aspirational version,
but what you actually do.
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:One of my favorite practices
involves slowing everything down,
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:especially the movements of my body.
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:This causes me to be fully present in my
body and oftentimes leaves me in awe about
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:all the things it makes possible for me.
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:When you slow your pace, the
most mundane things suddenly
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:become a lot more interesting.
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:Sometime during the weekend, usually
on Saturdays, I have something
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:on my calendar called the Love
My Body Date, where I literally
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:have a two-hour date with my body.
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:This usually involves paying attention
to the small things that sometimes
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:get ignored during a busy week.
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:Like taking the time to properly
shave my legs or sitting with
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:my tweezers and plucking every
last unwanted hair on my chin.
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:I'll also do things that otherwise get
overlooked or forgotten about, like
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:putting a warm compress over my eyes
for several minutes or doing a deep
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:conditioning treatment for my hair.
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:It also looks like making 90% or
more of my meals at home using
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:whole foods, fresh ingredients,
and keeping things super simple.
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:My sweet spot is when I can make something
delicious with five ingredients or less.
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:This way I know exactly what I'm putting
into my body for fuel and for pleasure.
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:I've also become extremely
vigilant about what I allow into
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:my energy field, including people,
entertainment, media, and the like.
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:I guard my mind and my field of
consciousness as best as I can by
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:paying attention to the inputs.
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:I've learned to listen to my
body's signals that let me know
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:if we are consuming something
that's not good for us or if we're
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:overindulging in something when just
a small amount would've been fine.
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:Hello, chocolate.
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:I allow myself to rest when my
body tells me it needs a break.
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:Four, what are you still working on
when it comes to loving yourself?
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:Detaching my self-worth
from how much money I make.
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:This is a deeply ingrained aspect
of my subconscious programming
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:that I am still transforming.
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:There's also a part of me still
healing the wound called I'm
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:never the one who is chosen.
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:This repeating pattern has shown up in
my romantic relationship for decades.
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:The mind chatter is so much less
than it used to be when I look
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:at a video recording or image of
me that seems unflattering to me.
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:I've come such a long way with this one.
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:In the past, my immediate reaction
used to be disgust and shame.
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:I never wanted other people to see
a bad photo of me because of what I
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:thought they'd be saying or thinking.
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:Sadly, I have years of my life
that were never documented, i.e.,
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:no pictures of me, because
I refused to be in photos.
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:Michelle's Substack publication,
The Sacred Art of Becoming Her.
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:What's coming this summer?
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:This entire summer, we're exploring
self-love from many different angles
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:through women's real experiences, because
our inner voice is just as important
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:as our outer voice, and when we feel
good inside, it always shows up in how
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:we show up in so many different ways.
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:Some of what's coming, shame and
self-love, the shoulds and self-love,
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:where self-love shows up in the
human design chart, and learning to
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:love yourself using your own design.
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:I'll also be sharing my own
experiences along the way.
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:This summer is personal for me too.
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:The second half of my life is
about learning to love myself
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:and helping others do the same.
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:Not just embodying it, but helping
other women see how they can love
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:themselves too, and I've started
to see it play out in real life.
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:In starting to use human design as
a way to love ourselves rather than
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:as another reason to fix ourselves.
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:Look for more conversations
with these women and future
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:profiles throughout the summer.
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:These conversations are just
getting started, and I'm so
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:glad you're here for them.
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:If this episode resonated with you,
I would be so grateful if you'd
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:click the plus sign to subscribe
and share it with a friend.
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:You can also find me on Substack, where
I publish articles, host workshops, and
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:share more about human design and midlife.
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:Thanks for joining me, and be well.
