OUR HOSTS: 

Corinne Foxx - @corinnefoxx

Natalie McMillan - @nataliemcm and @shopnataliemcmillan

What we're drinking: 2007 Firestone Syrah  

TOPIC: 

It’s the most wonderful time of the year...kinda. In a recent survey, 88% of people reported feeling stressed when celebrating the holidays. We’re here to help you not only survive these next few weeks, but celebrate what the end of the year is all about: gratitude, connection, and staying calm when your drunk uncle starts talking about vaccines and politics. 

In this episode, we discuss:

• How to navigate your family during the holidays
• Ways to avoid drama at family gatherings 
• Prioritizing your mental health and well-being this holiday season 
• Balancing family expectations, especially for children of divorced parents 
• Ideas for how to tell your family that you’re not going home for the holidays 
• Creating new traditions that you actually look forward to, like playing We're Not Really Strangers: Family Edition! 

END OF THE SHOW: 

Corinne and Natalie introduce Hottie of the Week: Rachel McAdams

WINE RATING:

2007 Firestone Syrah  = 1/Rachel McAdams

WRAP UP:

To wrap up the episode, Corinne and Natalie play F*ck, Marry, Kill. First, they take a trip down memory lane and decide between the Lawrence brothers, and then make the tough decision between the cast of Dune: Timothée Chalamet, Oscar Isaac, and Jason Momoa. 

If you have any questions or future episode ideas, feel free to DM us @AmIDoingThisRightPod or email us at amidoingthisrightpod@gmail.com

Check out our new website and newsletter: amidoingthisrightpod.com

Don't forget to rate and review the podcast! It really helps us grow!

[00:00:04] Natalie McMillan: And I'm Natalie McMillan.

[00:00:15] Natalie McMillan: And each week we cover a new topic, and we drink a new bottle of wine.

The topic today is how to navigate your family during the holidays. How to avoid drama during the holidays, how to prioritize your mental health during the holidays, and what to do if you're not going home for the holidays, which is a touchy subject for a lot of parents.

[00:00:50] Corinne Foxx: And Thanksgiving is two days away.

[00:00:56] Corinne Foxx: And Christmas and Hanukkah and all of that.

[00:01:01] Corinne Foxx: It's supposed to be cheerful time, but sometimes it's a tearful time.

[00:01:05] Corinne Foxx: Yeah.

[00:01:12] Corinne Foxx: We have a new newsletter, you guys.

For me usually more than more often than not.

[00:01:42] Natalie McMillan: Was next step. Um, but next next step pouring this glass of wine.

[00:01:51] Natalie McMillan: We are going to, we are drinking the 2007 Firestone Syrah. I don't think we've had a Syrah yet.

[00:02:02] Natalie McMillan: Santa Ynez Valley. I don't know if I like one either.

[00:02:10] Natalie McMillan: Let's do a little, let's do a little taste test.

[00:02:16] Natalie McMillan: Okay. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Okay. Wow. Okay

[00:02:25] Natalie McMillan: Should I, you know, what's funny. It's the thing I thought of is something that current always says, which is it's very gamey. Corinne, I love describing anything as a game. It's like seeing a blueberries. It's very gamey.

[00:03:03] Natalie McMillan: Tim cook must listen to our podcast. Do you recall a few episodes ago? I citizens arrested.

[00:03:11] Natalie McMillan: We both did. Yes. For a myriad of reasons.

[00:03:16] Natalie McMillan: CEO of apple. Yes. And I arrested him because. Mainly for the voice notes feature, because I'm like, this is absolute bullshit that you can't pause.

You can't go back. You can't go for it. Like what? Okay. Well, two weeks later, iPhone got an update and guess what you can do now you can pause. You can go back, you can go for it. You can realist I'm like, so Tim cook must be listening. So hi, Tim cook. I have more suggestions for you. Justin's we'd love a sponsorship would absolutely.

[00:03:51] Natalie McMillan: Ash. I'm washing money out of prison for that cash. Cause I know you've got a lot. I also think we could give him valuable information.

[00:04:05] Natalie McMillan: I think before I go to sleep, I'm like, what would I tell Tim cook? What would I tell him? And listening, he's listening and we've got one down.

[00:04:21] Natalie McMillan: Mine just did it overnight one day.

[00:04:28] Natalie McMillan: This was the first update that I was like, oh, I actually like this. Like, this is actually different and like helpful.

[00:04:50] Natalie McMillan: Right. Well, you know, the holidays they're synonymous with peace and love and joy for many Americans who celebrate the holiday season is actually filled with physical and emotional discomfort. In fact, 88% feel stressed when celebrating the holidays and the average couple will have seven argument throughout the season, according to new research, which is like one a week.

[00:05:18] Natalie McMillan: You're just like going,

[00:05:53] Natalie McMillan: That's when you're going to the bathroom and like just taking a break.

[00:06:05] Natalie McMillan: I remember being little at Thanksgiving and being like, are we going to leave? You know what I mean? Yeah.

[00:06:17] Natalie McMillan: Okay, this is not scientifically backed. This is just something that I came up with the other day, but I think it has merit. And that is because I was talking to my mom about how Mullins. Don't give a shit about Thanksgiving. I'm like, I don't know anybody who like , I don't care. And then I was like, oh, we're the first generation ever, like in the history of the world where the majority of our parents are divorced.

Nobody wants to deal with their fucking, like, okay. If I go here then are they going to be mad at me? Or if I go, okay, well then if I go this next year, then I have to write. Yeah, my other, my mom's parents.

So it makes sense. But most of us, we do have to go home for the holidays now. So we should get into how to survive the holidays. Like. Get through them and how to avoid drama as much as possible. What's the first thing we need to do.

Don't start a debate or get drawn into their drama. If you can't answer without wanting to like lash out, then just kind of excuse yourself from the conversation and don't come back. Yeah. And don't apologize or defend yourself or make it just remove yourself right from the sitch.

[00:08:33] Natalie McMillan: If you're about to snap, if you're going to do a snap and stab, walk away, go ahead and walk away. Um, another thing to avoid drama, don't expect people to change. Hmm. Don't expect people to be any different from who they are, whatever, or whoever irritated you last year. They'll probably do the same this year.

So just be prepared if you go into your holiday, hoping people will be different this year. That's just going to set you up for a big disappointment people. Typically don't like. drastically change.

And when you meet dysfunctions, With incredibly healthy functioning on your part, you don't hand over your emotions to anyone else and not, I will say that you do a great job at doing that. I feel like you're really good about like, if you're in a situation that you don't want to be in or you're kind of just, you're like, I'm gonna laugh about this later.

[00:09:53] Corinne Foxx: We got to use humor, obviously abusive situation. Yes. Don't go home. Oh, it's abusive. But if it's kind of that passive aggressive and you always, you know, and you just have to be like, I'm

[00:10:12] Corinne Foxx: Yes. But again, I mean, there's a limit to that, right? Yeah. Also creating boundaries is going to be one thing that's going to really help you during the holidays. So if someone tries to put you off balance, remind yourself not to personalize it, how people act and behave is a reflection of who they are and has nothing to do with you.

[00:10:34] Corinne Foxx: in general. Even though it can be tough. Try not to personalize hurtful comments and remind yourself not to take the bait and rise above the clamor by mentally sending love to everyone. Before you walk in the door, you also do that. I, yeah, you kind of do like an energetic cleanse.

You're like, okay, you're not going to hurt me. And I hope you're

[00:11:05] Corinne Foxx: existing, but we also have to prioritize our mental health during the holidays net. And let's give some tips on how to do

So we can kind of acknowledge that at this time. And behavioral science tells us that gratitude can also improve our mental health. And it's a lot easier to deal with unhealthy family dynamics with more positive mental health on board. Our next little tip here. Plan ahead. Plan ahead. If you're asking the uncomfortable question, how will you respond? If conversation turns into a controversial topic, what will you say?

[00:12:08] Natalie McMillan: cetera. If you start to feel anxious or angry or inadequate, what will you do? Hint of yourself. Um, maybe you just need some canned answers or maybe an exit strategy. Yeah. Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and, and disengage. Yeah.

[00:12:32] Natalie McMillan: We need

[00:12:38] Natalie McMillan: go. I need to leave immediately.

Um, when it's all said and done, even if you ended up in another dysfunctional holiday event, try to find the humor in it. Then the theme here is that humor is going to get you really through the holidays and being able to laugh at this and not. So personally offended by everything. Um, they, cause if you know your family and you're like, this is,

And so I'm like, I can look back and laugh. Now that there's things. The funny thing though, also is my family knows that we're extremely dysfunctional. And so like things that were so painful at one point we will like cry, laughing. Yeah, because what else are you going to do? What else are you going now?

[00:13:34] Natalie McMillan: Great.

[00:13:56] Natalie McMillan: I have a different scenario in which like your parents very much like get along and are like, and I think some people with divorced parents also have that, um,

[00:14:14] Natalie McMillan: Yes. And it can be very dicey of course, especially, um, if they've had like a particularly. Ugly split, which a lot of us have gone through. Um, it's very hard to be caught in the middle, especially like we love both parents and we would love to see them both for the holidays, but unfortunately there's just one day and there's one of you and there's one of me and usually the parents don't live in the same town or something.

So it's tough. So. Tip number one for fellow adult, children of divorced parents is just remember that you can't please, everyone it's so much easier said than done, but you just really have to remind yourself. I can't I'm one person. I cannot please, both people. You know what I mean? And also you can acknowledge that feelings are hurt.

So I'm Heidi McBain. She's a marriage and family therapist. She says there are potentially a lot of people who will feel hurt if you do not spend the holidays with them. So you may feel guilt because you're closer to one parent and want to spend time with. Or you might even be angry that you're in the position that you have to choose.

So all of those things are completely valid, very normal feelings. And if a family member is feeling upset, you should acknowledge their hurt feelings as well. Just be like, no, like I understand, like I don't fight. We're all bummed out about the sitch, you know what I mean? And then, um, third do what you want.

Do what you want for the holidays and not what you're, you know, quote unquote expecting pressured or pressured to do. It's very easy to fall into the trap of trying to make each parent happy first and then deal with your needs second. Um, and still, even if you try to do that, it's usually never enough unless you have like very highly, emotionally intelligent parents.

Like it will just never be, you can try everything and you might still just feel. I still got burned on this, you know, just do what is right for you. We are adults. Now, if you're listening to this will likely, and you can make your own decisions. Yeah. So, but another thing that people should know on that same vein is how to tell your parents you're not coming home. For the holidays.

Um, but what we found is that telling your family about your plans, as soon as you've made a decision, or if it makes sense, as soon as you started considering not going home is the best course of action in generally. Kind and courteous to let someone know as early as possible that you won't be attending an event they're expecting you and your family.

You know, they deserve the same respect. Like if, you know, like don't wait to the last minute and be like, Hey, so I'm not coming tomorrow. You know? And cause I think

[00:17:25] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. And like you were saying, expect that they're going to be a little hurt and disappointed when you tell them and give them some time and space to process their feelings. Set of writing and airtight defense or offering a 30 point apology, get comfortable with the idea of simply saying, yeah, you know, I hear you. I know. And I'm sorry. And then just letting them feel their feelings for a bit,

[00:17:52] Corinne Foxx: They're going to hurt. And you know, when it comes time to tell them what's going on, don't beat around the Bush. J something like I wanted to talk to you about the holidays this year. I know we typically do X this year. I've decided to do Y and set instead. And new what's really important is that I decided part it's important because it communicates that the decision is. Yeah, that you've made it yourself and don't throw your partner under the bus here and be like, oh, well, you know, Tim doesn't want to come and Tim's family now you've decided,

Or you can say, I love you so much, but I really couldn't live with myself if I got you sick. Yeah. These are very, very valid

[00:19:18] Natalie McMillan: and we're going to go back to the big overarching theme of taking care of your mental health. If you're going to be super anxious, like, oh my God, what if I have COVID? What if I brought it home to my mom? And then what if I brought in my grandma? Like, just don't even go there. It's not worth it. Yeah. There will be next year. And, well, we don't know. It will be

[00:19:53] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. So number one, reset your expectations. So whether it's dinner at your aunt's house every year or pie from the bakery in your hometown, you probably associate certain traditions with the holidays, but if this year has taught us anything, it's how to be flexible and how to embrace the unexpected.

So it kind of just reset. Yeah. And also try to find joy in something new, like try the pie from the bakery near your apartment that you've always been like, oh, that looks kind of good. Like I want to try it out. Yeah. Kind of do something like that. Another thing you can do is plan an outing, like go on a hike, go to the movies, a park, a museum, just go with a group or by yourself, like a couple of years ago, actually my brother and I.

We were just like, let's just, we, we got Turkey sandwiches, he brought a cooler and we went to the century city mall. We watched two movies back to back. That sounds like a great time. Great Thanksgiving.

So get the people that you love together, either in person, or you could even do video chat and decide on some new activities or traditions to start as a group. And it could be like an epic virtual game night or a dance party using your favorite playlist or a no home. Barred emotionally raw conversation.

[00:21:31] Corinne Foxx: was like, should I get it for Christmas? Like we're not really strangers in the show notes because it's a really fun

[00:21:44] Corinne Foxx: Yeah. Um, and lastly, something to do during the holidays is to help others, volunteering at a mission or shelter for the homeless will help you feel connected to others. Even if they're not your family and happiness researchers have found that people who volunteer often walk away with better mental wellbeing, having done something good for others in the process.

So, I mean, at the end of the day, like that's really what the holidays are about. Like, yeah, not really. It doesn't have to be your exact family, but yeah. Community. It's about giving back. It's about appreciating others. And so if you, you know, if you're alone and you just want that sense of connection volunteer somewhere, I volunteered at a, um, a mission for, uh, veterans maybe to thanks even for COVID.

And, um, it was so great just to say thank you to them for their service, serve them food. Um, and that honestly, I don't think they're doing it even this year, but I

[00:22:40] Corinne Foxx: the, um, oh yeah. I've decided I want to do a little giving Tuesday, which is giving Tuesdays the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, where you can go online and bake a lot of donations do nonprofits that you like.

But I was thinking I'm going to do like a little, um, pick-up drop-off for Goodwill and salvation army with my friends. So I told everyone backup whatever's in your closet that you've been wanting to give away. I will pick it up and I will drop it off

[00:23:12] Corinne Foxx: Thank you. I know I have a box in the back of my car, which like, I'm like, I'm going to go. I should just see if any of my friends have anything they want to give. I'll take it. Yes. And it's a big chore

[00:23:43] Corinne Foxx: so that's the episode and we hope you feel confident enough to navigate your family during the holidays. And. Decide to make decisions for yourself and for mental health and for your mental health. And what works for you. And

[00:24:16] Corinne Foxx: I'm hosting my first Thanksgiving at my house. And I'm thinking like, what little traditions am I going to start? Yeah, it was kind of fun. Yeah. Yes, it's very fun. Um, but let's circle back on this soror that with Firestone Sarov or drinking and intro our, what tea of the week.

[00:24:36] Corinne Foxx: haughty? Yes. I would like to introduce her because one time in a jacuzzi. Oh, oh, I did not meet her. Sorry. I wasn't very excited about jacuzzi at the Oakwood apartments. Natalie, a drunk woman came up to me when I was like 15 and was like, you look like a black Rachel McAdams.

[00:25:00] Corinne Foxx: in that jacuzzi. It was definitely, it was a grown woman who was drunk. We were 15 and not drinking. Oh man. She was like, you look like a black Rachel McAdams. I was like, I never forgot it. I mean, that's a great compliment. You know what I realized it's because Rachel McAdams has beauty marks on her face. Like. What'd you do what you don't know, but if you Google photos of her, she does. Oh, you're right. She

[00:25:24] Corinne Foxx: She's our outing of the week. Sorry, Rachel McAdams. Um, and we chose her because not because a drunk woman told me, I looked like her once in a jacuzzi, but because, um, she was in the movie, the family stone.

[00:25:51] Corinne Foxx: Adams, what is this Firestone? Sarah

[00:26:04] Corinne Foxx: Not for me. It's not for me. It's a, not for me. We have, I feel bad, but do we have to give it a one?

[00:26:15] Corinne Foxx: Yeah, it's tough. It would be

[00:26:29] Corinne Foxx: So not only what's your rating though.

[00:26:39] Corinne Foxx: sick, I'm going to give it a one average with Mike Adams because Natalie's being indecisive. You're supposed to make decisions for yourself. Oh gosh.

[00:26:56] Corinne Foxx: 0 1. It's a it's a no go. I it's.

[00:27:05] Corinne Foxx: We've had a lot, so we were due, we were due for a, and it's not that it's a bad, see, that's the part. It's not a bad wine. It's just, I would never, I would, I don't like, I don't like it.

[00:27:19] Corinne Foxx: Someone's going to say. Yeah, I'm someone's palate, but, uh, yeah. So what Rachel McAdams for the Firestone Seraph. Yeah. All right. So this is pressure play a little wrap-up game. And this week we're playing book, Mary kale, or fuck kill Mary Mary go.

[00:27:47] Corinne Foxx: Fuck you say Mary. Fuck. Yeah. Um, but anyways, um, I just Googled mine. I don't love it. Okay. Do you want me to go first? No, because let's do mine first to it, so it, you know, and on a, on a sad note. Oh, okay. Um, so I was thinking of. Family, you know, we're in the family genre, I'm thinking of trios and why these people came up. I don't know the Lawrence brothers. Oh my God. There's three of them. There are, and this is an easy one.

Okay. But you know, whatever. Fuck Miguel, Joey Lawrence. Andrew Lawrence, Matthew, Matthew Lawrence. Okay. And if you're too young to know this reference, yeah. Oh our intern semi. We also didn't see her here and she's nodding her head saying she has no idea. And that's fair, Ms. Perez. We're almost a little too young to even know that.

[00:29:21] Corinne Foxx: It's tough. He does do also a lot of Christmas lifetime movies, which is also holiday. Um, I'm going to say pass because Matthew Lawrence path.

[00:29:58] Corinne Foxx: Fuck him. He's a child.

[00:30:04] Corinne Foxx: That's the right choice of fuck Joe. I mean,

[00:30:19] Corinne Foxx: got too much, like some work done.

[00:30:33] Corinne Foxx: Lawrence is married to someone now.

[00:30:40] Corinne Foxx: I was like very surprised by that match, but I love that. I love that. Okay. Sorry.

[00:30:59] Corinne Foxx: It was so great. So good. Why, you know what I'm saying? Quiet for a reason. It's going to be tough. No, no, because I'm wondering if you're going to talk about this now or later on the podcast.

[00:31:17] Corinne Foxx: the most beautiful cast

Okay. I also read a tweet this morning that said, um, Timothy shallow may sounds like the name of a French mouse. Absolutely does. Um, Timothy Shaolin. Okay. Um, Oscar, Isaac. No, don't do it. Jason, get out.

[00:32:03] Natalie McMillan: just to confirm where I'm going with this. I know I, when I wrote, when I thought I just want, I thought this is going to be terror.

[00:32:13] Natalie McMillan: God. That's crazy. I guess, short Isaac.

[00:32:27] Natalie McMillan: Okay. we also, when we left up, I'm just going to straight up say it. When we left, we said I would climb that man, like a tree. Oh yeah. Please never come down. Never come down this giant man. So we have. For, for the, for the world, the world for the world's sake. Yeah. So we have to fuck chase.

[00:33:14] Natalie McMillan: Put on those 30 lbs,

[00:33:18] Natalie McMillan: Would love that.

[00:33:24] Natalie McMillan: Yeah. It's awkward. It's awkward.

[00:33:32] Natalie McMillan: I, I think I would do the exact same choices as you have made here today.

[00:33:45] Natalie McMillan: And I don't know. I think we've mentioned if you're like a listener from day one. I think we've mentioned that. Like I didn't get, I didn't get it. I didn't get the Timo se thing. Until I saw French dispatch. And then I was like, here's the deal though? When he's in character, he's a whole nother thing.

[00:34:26] Natalie McMillan: Yes. I had only really seen, cause the only thing I had seen him in was, um, the SNL skit though. That was so good. But once I saw him in front of dispatch, I was like, oh, and then in dune, I was like this man, first of all, I need to know the hair products dropped the hair. Oh my God. His hair was so on-point was so good. She won an Oscar for that. The heritage, the hair was amazing. And then also at the end, when he was like, looking at saying, is that dire like, Ooh, this is my queen.

I'll let me be your queen. I was like, he really, I was like, okay, between these two movies this week, I made Timothy Sharp. He is the white boy of the month. And Timothy charcuterie board is the white boy of the month. Period. That's

[00:35:37] Natalie McMillan: We'll send you a, we'll send you a picture of all these baby dad.

[00:35:43] Natalie McMillan: Open your mailbox. Bam. Timothy shallow right in there. All right. And we'll be back next week with another episode. Love you guys. Bye .