Shownotes
We are fast approaching the holidays, and whenever I think of that the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” runs through my head like an ear worm! It also makes me giggle because what I know is that often the holidays create a level of stress that is the opposite of the song’s message. You may know that what drives that is “should”, it’s true. Today we dive into having a holiday season without should by utilizing one of my all-time favorite tools to have you prepared to enjoy!
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Here are the highlights from this episode:
(02:20) “Be present for all things and thankful for all things…” - Maya Angelou
(04:02) The perfect holiday does not exist
(10:22) Let’s POP the holidays!
(14:09) Holiday cards, husbands, and Christmas Trees
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Episode 115 Don’t Should on Yourself
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Transcripts
Hey everyone. I'm Kelly Moak, a coach and a leadership trainer, and I'm super passionate about helping you find out who you are authentically as a leader, own it, and go out and make an impact in your life and the lives of others. This world needs your leadership, your gifts, your unique brilliance, and I believe that real leaders don't wait.
They create, I know firsthand that life is gonna throw us curve. That we're gonna doubt our greatness, our ideas, and our contributions. And my goal is that you believe in yourself beyond reason. And I get to be a coach and a champion for you each week so that you feel inspired, motivated, and most important in action toward your unique impact in this world.
So let's jump in. Hey there everyone, It's Coach Kelly. Welcome to another episode of, Let's Be Honest, Before we start pretending, and I wanna remind you guys about the really cool workshop that's coming up on November 30th. That is, gosh, is it next week? It might be next week. Remind you to join us. We are going to, it's a one hour workshop.
It's free. I'm gonna take some principles that we've talked about on finishing the year strong and we're gonna workshop it so that you can really maximize what you've learned along the way and be able to leverage that as we move forward. So go to the show notes, click the link, register. It's free. Why not?
Join me. There will be some prizes. It's gonna be so much fun. So it's November 30th, that's a Wednesday, and it is at 6:00 PM Pacific Standard Time. I am here for it and I hope you'll join us. All right, so we, How'd you guys do, How did you guys do Thinking about. Scheduling yourself. Uh, sorry. Scheduling yourself for downtime.
Managing yourself without the shoulds. Did anybody try that on and see what worked for you and whatnot? I wanna know. Drop it in the curiosity challenges. It's always really fun to hear what you guys are learning along the way, so thank you. It makes this even more fun. So today we're gonna talk about the holidays without the shoulds because we are like coming right up.
And I love this quote by Maya Angelou and it says, she says, Be present in all things and thankful for all things, be present in all things, and thankful for all things. Maya Angelou, literally one of my favorite, favorite, favorite human beings. So, We've been talking about shoulds, and just as a reminder, a should is something that is tied to guilt and sometimes shame.
And it is usually something that's just not in alignment with what you really wanna create. And I always say, don't should on yourself. It's not pretty. And so we are taking different topics this month and literally removing some shoulds from it and giving you some solid practices to help you. Should on yourself, and what's the time of year that we should on ourselves the most?
Holidays, holiday time. It just happens. I don't know why, but again, that's another episode. We're not gonna dive into it so much here. So what I want, what I wanna put out to you is that we get to decide. What we want our holidays to look like. What is important to you around the holidays? The holidays are a time that there can be so much, should, I should decorate a certain way.
I should get the holiday cards out. I should. Martha Stewart, Everything. I love Martha Stewart, by the way. I do. I do. I do. You know, I should have it be perfect. Can someone share with me a perfect holiday? I don't know if they exist. Okay. I don't know if they exist. What is perfect? How about an excellent holiday?
Okay, so how do you create an excellent holiday? You gotta look at what's important to you. What's gonna be important to you in this holiday season coming. Okay. Is it connection? Is it some downtime for you? Do you require some recharging? For me this year, going into the holidays, it's gonna be really important to connect with family because ever since c.
I'm gonna tell you, something has jumbled up the holidays every single time. Every single time. Ha, it. It's something has jumbled up the holidays. It just has, right? Somebody's sick, somebody's been exposed, whatever that is. And I know that's true for so many people. And so holidays have looked very different for the last couple of years.
Okay? So I'm really excited to connect. With family. Very, very excited about that. Okay, so you've gotta decide. You get to make a decision. What do I want the holidays to look like? What are the outcomes that I want for the holidays? Okay, What do, What do I want them to look like? What do I want them to feel like?
What do I want them to sound like? I mean, really, it's okay to go to all those modalities. It really, really is. What would it be like to have a holiday that was in an alignment? Was in alignment with my values and what I actually wanted. Okay. What would that be like? What would that be like? What would it be like to actually have a holiday that doesn't feel burdensome, doesn't feel like it should be This way isn't attached with guilt.
What would that look like? I'm gonna tell you, it's gonna require you probably to set some boundaries and who are boundaries for, they're for you. They're not really for anybody else. They are for you. So what do I want them to look like? You've gotta decide, I have worked this with clients for years and years and years, and I'm gonna share a tool with you that I know works.
It works every single. Time. Okay. It works for with everything. It's a great communication tool. It's a great planning tool. It's a great project tool. It's just a great tool. It really, it truly is. Okay. And it's a tool called Popit, and there is no shoulds in Popit. Okay? So I'm gonna go in and talk with you about what it is and how you can specifically use.
For the holidays, but just remember, you can use it for anything. You can use it for meetings, you can use it for planning projects. You can use it for having conversations and communication. It's brilliant. It is brilliant. Okay, so the first thing you've gotta do, like I said, is you've gotta decide what are the holidays gonna look like without the shoulds.
I'll never forget, like I was a stickler about sending out holiday cards every year. It was like, you know, it was always really. Fun to, um, imagine like who this, these cards were going to and connecting and, you know, I like to do the picture cards. So it was always just a way to also, you know, share what was happening with the family and as the kids were growing up, so on and so forth.
And there were some years that that was really challenging. Like it was really gonna be challenging. There were things going on and I would push through and get them done because I felt like I. I should, which then took the very purpose and meaning out of the cards and it became sort of more compliant.
And, and I, I realized like I don't ever wanna be compliant in my relationships. So there are some years that literally the cards didn't happen. Didn't happen. And it, it, and it, it created some more time. You know, for, for me, and I'm not gonna say I didn't feel something about it. I don't know if guilt was the feeling, but like definitely the shoulds were coming in.
Like, I should have done it. Oh my gosh. And here's what I want you to know, . It's okay. It's okay. I don't think people are like sitting in their homes keeping score on whether the holiday card showed up. Okay. I just, I just, I think people have better things to do right now. They may miss, They may miss it.
They may miss it. They may miss you, and that's different. All right, so going back to why am I sending the holiday cards to begin with? Why really? Okay. So any of those things that you think about when it comes to the holidays and gathering people together can often come with should. Here's another one. I should buy Christmas gifts for everybody.
Okay. Whoa. Hold please. Is that always true? Because I'll tell you what, nobody really wants you to go into massive debt with purchasing holiday gifts. Okay? But sometimes that happens. Sometimes that happens and we can go way, way overboard. So I want you to think about also like, where do I wanna connect with people?
What's that gonna look like? You know, sometimes when we gather with family, there can, it can be, it can be tough. Sometimes it can be, especially if you haven't seen each other in a while, things like that. Okay. So what are some of the boundaries that I'm gonna have in place for myself to really enjoy the holidays?
Okay, now those are, that's just sort of the setup. Let's talk about pop it versus should it. Okay. Cause you can go into the holidays, should it all the way, or you can go into the holidays with purpose and clear outcomes and a solid process to support you. You get to so drop the should. Because they're not empowering, they're not inspiring, and they certainly don't make for a lovely holiday season for you or for anyone.
So let's pop it. Let's pop the holidays, and this is how it goes. P stands for purpose. Why? Like, what's my purpose in during this holiday season? Why do I wanna gather with family and friends? Right? So purpose answers the question why you really wanna understand. Why? Because that is the most important part.
The most important part. Now, I'll tell you if that's a little challenging, start with what you wanna create. That's the O in pop. What are the outcomes that I wanna create for myself? It's okay to put yourself there and for others now. Others could be out of your control, but how you respond versus react to things with others makes all the difference.
So it's okay to declare what are those outcomes I want for myself and I want for others. So sometimes you wanna start there, and then what happens is that'll help you reveal your purpose. And your why. Okay. Your purpose and your why. So, you guys heard me say for me it's super important to connect with family that I don't always get to see and really hear how, how things are going in their life.
Hear about what's important to them, connect and catch up, and also, Like belly laughs. I love those. So to really just have a close, connected, fun, laughing and supportive time and it's important. So that's why, that's why I'm gonna take on holidays this year and get together with family and I'm just putting it out there that we are all gonna be healthy
Okay. That's outta my control. I can't control that, but I can Sure keep focusing on that. Right. Okay. It's important to me because it's been a bit, it's been a minute since we've really been able to have that, and the outcomes that I wanna create from that is some time where we're together connected, hearing each other, laughing and feeling a sense of peace and joy and calm.
Also, g. Okay. And really connecting with who's important and what's important, Okay. Because as an entrepreneur, like I, I can, I could work all the time, right? I could work all the time and I can get really focused on, on my work and, and I really wanna focus in on the people. Okay. I'm a people. And so those are just some examples of the outcomes.
You can go on and on and on about that. Like an outcome could be that I'm going to have whatever I'm contributing to the dinner planned, prepped, and ready to go by a certain time. I mean, you can get really detailed with your outcomes, not the how you're gonna make it happen, just what you want. So the P is.
Why the O is outcome? What are we creating? If you've been listening to this podcast, these are very familiar to you. We talk about it all the time, and the final P is process. That's your planning piece, That's your agenda, if you will, that's gonna help you figure out what's gonna be required. It's the how part.
Yay. Everyone always wants to know how, and that's where you get to do it. But I really strongly encourage you to go with your purpose and your outcomes first, because then in the process, it's gonna be really easy to start to determine. Where you might need to make some requests, maybe create some agreements, ask for help plan, you know, things like that.
And what's gonna be required. So like for instance, I'll do holiday cards again this year. Last year holiday cards were hard. If you were listening to the podcast, you know, I broke my elbow the day after, a couple days after Thanksgiving. And I, it really. Through the holidays, uh, I was stuck and I was really wanting to send holiday cards out, so I got some help and had it be easy and not, Did everyone get holiday cards?
They didn't because I used a new system and I made some requests to, Can you please put your address in here, shared why I was asking for that. So anyone who. We were then able to electronically print out labels and do the whole thing and have it be simple. And I also asked for help from my husband, and he was awesome.
He was awesome. Okay, so we, we got holiday cards out this year. I'm gonna actually use the same system because I loved it. And I'm going to get even more addresses this year and send those holiday cards out. So that's another outcome that I have. The other thing, and the reason that I think this is important to start planning this now is because I certainly was not expecting that I was going to break my elbow and not be able to create some of the experiences that I wanted to create over the holidays.
and I did get to lean in to my husband very much. Now he's, he, he loves the holidays, his favorite. He's not really into decorating, and I love to create, I don't go crazy on the decorations. I'm always in awe of the people that do and just make these like beautiful, like, oh, it's so much fun. I do decorating, but not like at a high level.
But the tree is always really important to me. And last year I'm gonna share with y'all, I didn't really pop it before going into the holidays, and so I found myself, Well first of all, I wasn't feeling great. I was in a lot of pain, but I found myself like not very patient and things like that. Well, I didn't even ask my husband to help decorate the tree cuz I knew he just didn't like it.
But he anticipated and knew she probably would want some help here. And he was so great. Like he started decorating the tree. Now I was sitting on the couch and I was watching this, and all of a sudden, I don't know what happened, but I got like super like, like my perfectionist kicked in seriously. And I was like starting to critique the placement of certain things and getting really bossy and like on overdrive.
And suddenly, I don't know who stepped into the room, but she wasn't. She wasn't great. And as a result, my husband just stopped decorating the tree. And I don't blame him. I don't blame him at all. Okay. Now the great news is, is accountability is a beautiful thing. And once I got accountable about what was really going on and shared that with him, we could create a new agreement and the tree actually did get finished and it was beautiful.
It was be. It didn't look the way that I would decorate it. However, it is literally one of my most favorite Christmas trees we've ever had because it came from being loved and being supported despite liking decorating trees or not. And that was price. Okay, so I remember last year after that little episode, I thought, you know, you better pop this holiday because we do not wanna be showing up everywhere like that.
And so then I did, which is why it reminded me this year to share Pop it with you, because we don't ever know always what curve balls are gonna come our way. And we wanna be able to respond versus react in times like that. So remember, get clear on your purpose. What's my purpose for this holiday season?
Okay, what are the outcomes that I wanna create during this time, and what's the process? That I'm going to create? What's the process? What steps do I wanna take? Where am I gonna ask for help? Are there any agreements that I wanna make and have that help? You have a beautiful holiday season without any shoulds that's in alignment with your values, that's in alignment with your purpose, that's in alignment with what's really important to you.
And I would think that I. Because I, I hear this all the time and I know it's true for me, it's the people. It's the people. It's the connecting that is so important, and so give yourself permission to have that. And even if it's connecting with yourself and some downtime, that's equally important too. Give yourself permission to have that.
So pop your holiday, pop it versus should. If you have any questions about it, drop me a line. Go to the curiosity Challenge you guys, if you haven't used it. You literally can record a message that I will listen to and respond. And for those of you that use it, you know that I do. So use it if you have any questions, because I really want you to have a beautiful holiday season without any of the shoulds.
So thank you for listening today. I trust that there were some valuable nuggets in there for. And here's to a wonderful holiday season and connecting with the people that are important to you and really living fully your best holiday season. All right. Have a great week ahead. You know the drill. If it's not shaping up the way you want it to.
Make a change. Create something new. Okay. I'll talk with you all next week. Take care. Thanks for listening to another episode of, Let's Be Honest, Before we start pretending for more resources on taking the lead in your life, head over to Kelly j moc.com and connect with me on Instagram at Coach Kelly Moak.
If this episode was helpful for. Please feel free to share it with friends. Rate and review it on iTunes. That's Apple Podcasts now, and at any time, feel free to connect with me and let me know what you want to hear next or what you're working on. I'm happy to help. Thanks again for listening, and here's to you taking the lead in your life.