Shownotes
Episode Description:
Break the cycle of perfectionism, judgment, and people-pleasing. In this Saddle Up Segment, Lesa Koski shares 5 key takeaways from part two of her powerful conversation with author Andi Bull (When Your Protectors Didn’t Protect).
Learn how humility breaks defensiveness, how to move from victim to overcomer, and why God’s unconditional love—not performance—defines your worth. This episode offers faith-filled, practical tools for healing after abuse and releasing perfectionism for good.
Timestamps:
(00:00) Welcome back to the Saddle Up Segment
(01:10) Humility heals faster than defensiveness
(03:00) The barbed-wire tree: growing around suffering
(05:15) Moving from judgment to discernment with God’s eyes
(07:40) From victim to survivor to overcomer
(10:05) God’s unconditional love—identity before performance
(12:30) Key reminders to end the cycle
Key Takeaways:
- Humility opens hearts where defensiveness closes them.
- Pain doesn’t disappear—we grow stronger around it.
- Judgment becomes discernment when we ask for God’s eyes.
- You can move from victim → survivor → overcomer.
- God’s love is unconditional—your worth isn’t earned.
Guest Bio (context):
For over twenty-five years, Andi has dedicated herself to the study of God’s word, graduating from the King’s University with her Master’s in 2003.
As she read the Bible through the eyes of a survivor of traumatic childhood abuse, she saw how God passionately seeks the lost, gently restores the broken, and tenderly heals broken hearts.
Andi became inspired to advocate for emotional well-being, not only for herself but also for the women she is privileged to mentor one-on-one and those she speaks to at conferences. The lessons and insights she gained are in her book, When Your Protectors Didn’t: Healing from a Past of Broken Pieces.
Raised in South Africa as a child, she now resides in sunny Southern California with her husband, daughter, and pups. She loves her family, friends, pups, and coffee—lots and lots of coffee!
Resource Links:
Listen to the full episode here! https://player.captivate.fm/episode/27abd1b8-860b-4770-8508-3021b19c465f/
- Get Andi Bull’s book: When Your Protectors Didn’t Protect https://a.co/d/5naO43I
- Learn more at lesakoski.com
Tags/Keywords:
healing after abuse, faith and healing, perfectionism, people pleasing, Saddle Up Segment, women over 40 podcast, Christian women, ending the cycle, judgment to discernment, overcoming trauma, identity in Christ, Andi Bull, When Your Protectors Didn’t
Transcripts
All right, friend.
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:Let's saddle up and talk about the
five big takeaways from the second
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:half of my conversation with Andy Bull.
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:And if you want to hear the entire part
two, go back to Tuesday and listen.
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:It's so good.
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:But these are things you can
carry into your life right now,
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:especially if you ever have ever
struggled with perfectionism.
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:Judgment or just feeling like
you have to earn love to be.
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:Okay, so take away number one is
humility heals where defensiveness can't.
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:So one of the most powerful
moments was when Andy shared how
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:her husband apologizes quickly.
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:Sincerely and without being defensive,
and she realized she had grown up with
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:so much criti criticism, criticism
that she didn't know how to apologize.
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:Every mistake kind of felt like it meant
something was wrong with her at her core.
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:And that hit me because
I've been there too.
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:When you carry perfectionism, even
a small failure can feel like proof.
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:You're not enough.
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:But humility can break that.
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:And Andy started practicing
this line with her husband.
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:I don't fully see what you're seeing yet.
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:Can you help me understand
so I can own my part?
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:So there's no defensiveness
there, no proving.
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:Just humility.
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:That kind of response can shift
relationships, it can build trust,
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:and it's how you can break a cycle.
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:Take away number two.
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:Is that suffering doesn't shrink.
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:We grow around it.
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:And Andy told a story that kind of
gave me chills, where she saw an oak
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:tree at her sister's land that had
grown around a barbed wire fence,
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:and the barbed wire hadn't gone away.
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:The tree simply kept growing and
the wire became part of its story,
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:and that is how healing works.
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:Like, and we all know this when we've been
through things, the pain doesn't always
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:get smaller, but we can grow stronger
and mo more whole kind of around it.
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:It becomes part of our story,
but it doesn't define us.
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:And, and this just resonates with me.
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:Um, in my breast cancer journey,
the experience is still part of me.
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:It doesn't control me.
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:It's like the barbed wire.
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:It's embedded, but it's not who I am.
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:So we don't wanna erase the hard things.
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:We just keep growing.
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:And then takeaway number three was
move from judgment to discernment.
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:And I, I confess to Andy that
I sometimes still judge people.
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:And you know those that have it all
together, or those who look different
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:from me and I don't wanna do that anymore.
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:And she gave me some practical wisdom.
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:Then the first thing was just
to be aware of, this is a win.
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:So, catching the thought is step one,
and she said, second, ask for God's eyes.
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:Literally pause and pray.
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:Jesus, give me your eyes and
your heart for this person.
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:And here is the part I love.
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:Sometimes God will nudge you to speak
and sometimes he whispers not from you.
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:That's discernment.
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:We don't have to fix people,
we just have to love them.
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:Unfollow God's lead.
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:Take away number four.
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:From victim to survivor to overcomer,
Andy shared a powerful framework.
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:The victim is that you acknowledge
what happened and how it hurt you.
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:The survivor is where you start building
healthy coping skills and boundaries, and
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:the overcomer is when you use your story.
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:To encourage others
without controlling them.
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:She said something that gave me
goosebumps, goosebumps, again, is once you
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:became an overcomer, you become dangerous
to the kingdom of darkness because if you
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:can overcome, you know, others can too.
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:That's why our stories matter.
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:They.
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:Break chains take away number five.
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:What's God's love is unconditional.
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:Like, like my grandma
or me as a grandma, and.
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:I had a cute story that we laughed
about, um, about a toddler meltdown
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:with my grandson and how I loved him
through it, and I wasn't embarrassed
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:and I didn't care about pleasing anyone.
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:And Andy reminded me that God looks
at us the same way, like when you
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:stare at a newborn and you, you,
they can't do anything for themselves
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:and they can't do anything for you.
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:But you are overflowing with
love for them, and that is how
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:God sees you every morning.
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:And I'm not kidding guys, I have
been starting to think of this.
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:When I wake up in the morning and
I say my prayers, I think of God
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:staring at me just like I have stared
at my children and my grandchildren,
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:and it just kind of melts my heart.
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:So before we perform, before we produce.
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:Before we prove anything, he's
already there delighting in us.
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:So when we start from a place of
love like I'm trying to do every
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:morning, everything becomes lighter.
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:So if you take nothing else from
the saddle up segment, take this.
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:Humility heals faster than defensiveness.
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:You can grow around
pain without denying it.
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:Judgment can.
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:Become discernment with God's eyes.
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:You are allowed to move from
victim to overcomer and you already
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:deeply unshakably are loved.
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:Friend, this is how we end the cycle.
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:This is how we create new legacies.
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:And like I said, if you haven't listened
to the full episode, go back, do that.
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:It's powerful.
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:Andy is amazing.
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:And then, uh, tune in next week.
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:I've got a great episode coming
up with Lisa Sanders on Tuesday.
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:You take care.
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:Thanks for being here.