Be Yourself, Not Your Job Title
Dr. Gary Epler – The new way of life is to know who you are moment by moment and be your true self by thinking from the heart with kindness and giving. We’re going to talk about the unhealthy stress caused by trying to do the job title rather than being who you are.
Joan – What do you mean, be yourself, not the job?
I’ll give you’re an example. I recently talked to a CEO about company acquisition plans. The CEO could not finish a sentence. The face and eyes were filled with level-10 death zone stress. Why, because this person was “trying” to be a CEO – keeping the board happy at all costs and going by the “book.” There is no “book” for any job. People need to be their true selves first, then do the job.
Do you have any more examples?
Examples are everywhere. The manager who goes by the “book” demanding to meet quota. Managers need to be their true selves first, then do their job, help the team improve sales. Board members who count every dollar and make the CEO have approval for every move. This behavior destroys companies. Board members need to be their true selves, bringing solutions and innovative ideas to grow the business. At a workout facility, everyone is there to help, not just do the job. The ER triage nurse behind the glass cage and two computers needs to think from the heart with kindness first, and then do the job.
Sounds like people do their job titles, instead of being themselves. How does this happen?
Always be your true self, then do your job. Be who you are moment by moment, which means know where you’re thinking from. These locations include your head, your heart, and the mind, which is outside the body. People who are not being themselves, are thinking from the head stress center about trying to be someone else.
What’s the solution?
You’re allowed to think from the stress center for six to eight seconds, no more. Feel the stress, feel it peak, and let it go in six to eight seconds. For all the remaining time, think from the heart with kindness and giving. Think from the mind with courage, creativity to solve problems and help others, and with innovation to improve people’s lives.
That sounds easy enough, why doesn’t everyone do it?
It begins with childhood conditioning. Children need to be told who they are during school years by their parents and teachers, so they fit in socially. Later, people are told who they are by society and the boss. This is stressful and not enjoyable. So, eventually people stop listening to others and become their true selves. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen as often you would think. Part of being your true self is knowing about consequences and willing to accept them. However, people need to know that being their true selves is so much better than trying to be someone else.
What happens if you’re not your true self?
Anger and stress. Always thinking about your problems and trying to be someone else is thinking from the stress center. The less you think about yourself, the more you become your true self. You’re allowed to think from the anger center and stress center for six to eight seconds, no longer because if you’re thinking from the anger center or trying to do your job from the stress center, then you can’t think from the heart with kindness and helping others.
What does it mean to be your true self.
Being yourself is the opposite of stress. It feels good. You have high energy. You’re creative. You’re engaged in life. You enjoy living in the moment. You don’t criticize, complain, or blame. You have no guilt, worry, or jealousy. You’re trustworthy. You make instant decisions, have unwavering commitment, and enjoy total responsibility because you are willing to take the consequences.
Being yourself sounds fantastic, what are the consequences?
Mostly good. But, people have been conditioned to fear them. It takes courage because being your true self means taking the consequences. Long term, this is healthy and leads to an enjoyable and extraordinary life. Short term, the consequences can be harsh – getting fired and losing friends or a spouse. However, this is better than staying in the situation, not able to be who are. It’s stressful and dangerous to your health. For example, your boss discretely tells you to ‘fake’ the books or the project. Of course, you would never do this, or would you? You have a smooth-talking boss and get bullied into it, or you can’t afford to lose the job. Being yourself and getting fired is so much better long term than the feeling of guilt and worry every day of your life, or worse.
How can making instant decisions and taking responsibility have good consequences?
Because you make the decision and take the responsibility. Your decisions can improve people’s lives throughout the world. This feels good. In addition, you know the potential bad outcomes and willing to take the consequences. If the outcome is bad, you fix the problem fast before serious, irreversible damage occurs.
What’d you do when someone yells at you for being yourself?
This is going to happen. They’re empty words. Feel the stress. Let it peak in 6 to 8 seconds, move out of the situation. Get knocked down by being yourself? Remember there’ll be 100 people surrounding you with their hands out to help.
Joan – Be yourself, then your job. Do you have any closing comments?
Dr. Gary Epler – Be your true self by thinking from your heart with kindness and giving, and the mind with courage, solving problems to help others, and innovation to improve people’s lives. Be exceptional by being your true self. Thrive on your uniqueness. This is a new way of life for extraordinary living.
