Shownotes
EPISODE RE-RUN
Heartbreak hurts, Radiant Icons, but it is not going to break you.
This week, Amanda is breaking down the Breakup Bible—your ultimate guide to surviving and thriving after heartbreak. From accepting your feelings to cutting emotional cords, she’s sharing the real, raw steps to help you heal and step into your iconic power.
Expect honesty, heart, and a sprinkle of sass as Amanda spills her own tea on breakups, lessons learned, and how you can turn heartache into a season of self-love and growth. Plus, she’s answering your juicy questions from the Dare to Be Iconic Hotline!
Hit play, grab your tissues (and maybe some ice cream), and let's glow through what we go through.
Oh, and don’t forget to connect with Amanda on social media and sign up for Becoming Iconic: A Hot & Healing Experience-an intimate wellness event celebrating 100 episodes of Dare To Be Iconic.
Together we'll transform our pain into power through our signature Hot & Healing workshop, a guided release ritual, and a sexy, sultry jazz class led by Ka Rency—all designed to help you heal, embody your confidence, and step into your most iconic self.
Join us on Sunday, July 26th at 3:30 PM at Fort Tryon Park in New York City.
Connect with Amanda:
RSVP for our 100th Episode Celebration-Becoming Iconic: A Hot & Healing Experience!
Got a question for Amanda or a topic you'd love to hear discussed on a future episode? Submit your question to the "Dare To Be Iconic Hotline" today!
Time Stamps:
00:00 - Welcome to Dare To Be Iconic
01:32 - Spilling the Tea on Heartbreak
02:40 - The Breakup Bible: Step-by-Step Guide
04:15 - Accepting Your Feelings
06:58 - Cutting the Emotional Cord
09:12 - Leaning Into Your Support System
13:20 - Rediscovering Yourself
16:45 - Setting Boundaries for Healing
19:05 - Dare To Be Iconic Hotline
23:30 - See You Next Week!
Transcripts
What's up, Radiant Icons, and welcome back to
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Dare To Be Iconic, the podcast made
for icons daring to be themselves.
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I'm your host, Amanda Paolicelli,
and for today's Tea Time Sesh, we
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are spilling the tea on heartbreak.
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That's right, Radiant Icons.
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Last week, we spoke about friendship
breakups and how to move on and level
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up, and now we're jumping to romantic
breakups because heartbreak may be one of
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the hardest things we have to navigate in
life, but it does not have to break you.
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In fact, heartbreak is one of the
most powerful tools to motivate you
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to change your life for the better.
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And that is what we are
spilling the tea on today.
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But before we get into that,
make sure to connect with me on
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socials on Instagram and TikTok.
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It's @amandapaolicelli_
and @daretobeiconic_.
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And if you're on LinkedIn, you
know what I'm going to say, make
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sure to connect with me on there.
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It's Amanda Paolicelli.
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All of my socials will be linked in
the show notes below and also radiant
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icons, make sure to secure your spot
for dare to be iconic second masterclass
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daring to be confident on April 19th.
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This is a 90 minute masterclass where
I will guide you through the process
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on how you can dare to be confident
so you can radiate confidence like
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never before from the inside out, I am
literally so excited for this class.
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So make sure to secure your spot today.
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Cause I can't wait to see you there.
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And yeah, we're all going to
dare to be confident together.
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So make sure to do that now.
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Let's spill the tea.
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Heartbreak.
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If there is one subject I
think I am qualified on to talk
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about, I think it's heartbreak.
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And I know I did say that for
the reclaiming your narrative
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101, own it or rewrite it.
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I totally, I totally get that.
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Because I also am qualified
to talk about that as well.
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However, if we go all the way back to the
beginning of Dare To Be Iconic, This all
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started because of a letter and a box.
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It all started because of heartbreak
and my choice to choose myself.
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So what were the steps that I took to not
only change my life and embrace my most
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iconic self, but what did I do to heal?
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What did I do to navigate heartbreak?
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Because remember, that letter and a box,
that heartbreak was the first time I was
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experiencing that emotion in my life.
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Well, you know, you could say
I did experience that with my
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prior ex boyfriend, but It's a
different type of heartbreak when
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you get broken up with no closure.
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Okay, so I am taking everything that I
learned from my traumatic breakup and
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i'm spilling the tea- I'm sharing the
breakup bible with you guys your guide
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to navigating heartbreak starts now.
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Are you ready radiant icons because
your tea time sesh is starting now.
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Here's the thing about heartbreak, radiant
icons, and I know a lot of people are
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gonna be like, Oh my god, she never shuts
up about how she got her heart broken
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through a letter in a box and that's how
it started her Dare to be Iconic journey.
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You're right.
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I'm never gonna stop talking about it
because That heartbreak was one of the
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best things to ever happen to me, and I
will stand by that until the day I die.
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And a lot of people are like,
how do you survive and thrive
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after you get your heart broken?
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It's not an easy process.
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Heartbreak is an emotional rollercoaster.
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You are going to go through
the five stages of grief.
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There's denial, there's anger, there's
bargaining, there's depression,
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and then you get to acceptance.
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And when you hit that acceptance
stage, that is how you can survive and
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thrive and live your most iconic life.
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And when I was in the thick of it,
starting October 10th of 2022, I could not
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see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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I am not even gonna lie to you guys.
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Everyone said you're gonna be fine.
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It's gonna be okay.
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And I knew deep down they were right.
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I knew it.
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But I still couldn't see it.
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I could not see my future because
I was so stuck in what was my
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past at that moment, right?
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Like, let's be for real.
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My past was ripped away from me, but
that's all I could ever focus on.
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I couldn't think of a future without
that other person because I was
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so used to having them in my life.
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And that's hard to navigate, but I
promise you, When we go through the
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five steps of how I healed my broken
heart and started living my most iconic
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life, you too will survive and thrive.
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So the first step in healing
heartbreak in this breakup bible, if
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you will, is accepting your feelings.
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You cannot just suck it up and move on.
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A lot of people are
going to tell you that.
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Like, that's so for real with you guys.
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A lot of people are going to tell
you, oh, just suck it up and move on.
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You're going to be fine.
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You're going to find someone else.
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Okay, like, they may be right.
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In fact, no, you are gonna be okay.
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You are gonna find someone else.
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If you want to.
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If you want to.
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But, That doesn't negate the
feelings that you are going through.
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To just suck it up and move on?
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Absolutely not.
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If you don't accept the feelings
that you are feeling in that moment
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of your heart getting broken, you
will not be able to survive and
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thrive and move on and level up.
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There is just no way.
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If you skip over accepting the feelings
that you are feeling because, yeah,
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it's not fun sitting in depression.
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It's not fun sitting in anger.
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It's not fun sitting in denial.
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I promise you, I know it's not fun,
but you have to accept your feelings.
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Even if you're crying on your
couch watching TikToks like
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I did, you have to accept it.
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You have to sit in it.
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You just have to.
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And in order to cope, if it's
like eating grilled cheese, Or
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maybe some Publix ice cream.
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And yes, I'm naming those examples
because that's exactly what I did
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when I started having an appetite.
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Then that's what you do.
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You have to sit in your feelings.
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You have to acknowledge them.
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And you have to honor them.
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That is the first step you need to
take in order to survive and thrive.
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And I know this may be coming out a
little bit harsh, but I am so passionate
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in this first step, because if there
is anything about that time of going
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through heartbreak that I remember so
vividly is when I was going to work.
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I had worked at a theme park at this point
in my life and I remember my friend group
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at the time, and I remember half of them
were like, Oh, you're going to be fine.
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Just suck it up and move on.
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It's not that big of a deal.
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Don't dismiss my feelings.
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You don't know what I'm going through.
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My life was literally Ripped from me.
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Everything that I thought
I knew was no longer there.
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And then I had some really amazing
friends that I still have today who
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supported me in my healing journey.
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But the first step you have to do is
accept everything that you are feeling.
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Acknowledge it and honor it.
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So again, if that means eating ice cream,
if that means eating grilled cheese, if
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that means going on long walks and crying
and ranting about how much this sucks
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and how annoying it is, you gotta do it.
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I promise you.
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You gotta do it.
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Now step two , you need to
cut that emotional cord.
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Block, ignore, delete.
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I love telling my girlfriends this when
there is a dumb boy in their life, that
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even if it's just a situationship and
that boy is pissing them off, and he's
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just being stupid, because you know what?
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That happens a lot.
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My motto in life?
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Block, ignore, delete.
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Cut that emotional cord.
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You do not need Any reminder of
them in your life, they chose
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to leave your life for a reason,
believe it, you do not need them.
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I promise you, I know in the thick
of it, all you want is that person
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to come back, and you're gonna
bargain, and you're gonna be like,
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but if I do this, but if I do that.
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From someone who was in that place,
it's not going to change anything.
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It's really not, and I'm so sorry that
I have to be the person to tell you
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this, but they're not coming back.
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They chose to leave.
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That was their decision.
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And now you have to live with their
decision, so cut that emotional cord.
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They do not deserve to
have any part of your life.
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They don't even deserve to look at how
well you are doing in life without them.
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They don't get that privilege.
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It's like when Kerry Washington said on
Scandal, Speaking to me is a privilege.
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You do not have privileges.
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That is so true when you
are going through a breakup.
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They do not have the privilege
or opportunity to get to know
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what is going on in your life.
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They left.
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They walked out the door and they said
goodbye, I'm never talking to you again.
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Let them do that.
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Let them leave.
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Cut that emotional cord.
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They don't have the privilege to you.
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They don't have the access to you anymore.
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Block, ignore, delete.
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And also, when we're talking about
cutting this emotional cord, we
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don't want to be stuck in the past.
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We want to fall in love
with our iconic future.
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Hot & Healing Ad 2: Okay, radiant icons,
I promise we will get back to the piping
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hot tea, but first I have something
very iconic that I want to share.
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This month we will be celebrating 100
episodes of the Dare to Be Iconic podcast.
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And for the last 100 episodes, radiant
icons, we have talked about healing,
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confidence, and daring to become
the most iconic version of yourself.
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But the most powerful part of
this iconic community isn't just
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what happens on the podcast.
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It's what happens when we
come together in real life.
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And don't just take my word for it.
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Here's what our radiant icons have to say
after experiencing our first Radiant Icon
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Club meetup, our Hot and Healing Picnic.
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I had the most amazing time at
Dare to Be Iconic's Hot and Healing
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Picnic from the moment that I
arrived to the moment that I left.
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It was so welcoming and full of warmth,
and there was no judgment from anyone.
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Amanda, beautiful, beautiful soul.
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I feel so touched to be able to have
been part of your journey and to attend
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our very first Hot and Healing Picnic.
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To be 100% honest with you, I did not
imagine that that's how my day was
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going to go, and it was one of the
most rewarding healing sessions to
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have this group of, radiant women all
come together and talk about their life
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experiences, their pain, what could
be potentially weighing them down, and
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how they have or plan to work through
it, was so healing for me and so
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fulfilling in a way that I didn't even
realize that I need it until I had it.
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So if you can get yourself into
a Hot and Healing Picnic by Dare
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to Be Iconic's Amanda Paolicelli,
I recommend that you do, because
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you will not regret it, I promise.
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So are you ready to experience the
iconicness for yourself, radiant icons?
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Then make sure to join us for Becoming
Iconic, a Hot and Healing Experience, an
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intimate wellness event celebrating 100
episodes of the Dare to Be Iconic podcast.
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00:11:03,778 --> 00:11:07,458
Together, we'll transform our pain
into power through our signature
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Hot and Healing workshop, a guided
release ritual, and a sexy, sultry
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jazz class, all designed to help
you heal, embody your confidence,
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and step into your most iconic self.
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So join me on Sunday, July
26th at 3:30 PM Eastern at Fort
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00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,858
Tyron Park in New York City.
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00:11:27,088 --> 00:11:29,948
Reserve your spot today
at daretobeiconic.com
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or click the link in the show notes below.
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I cannot wait to celebrate
with you radiant icons and
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I'll see you very, very soon.
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Now let's get back to the piping hot tea
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Amanda Paolicelli: Now, I don't know
what it is when I create my plans
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and my guides for you guys, but I always
end up loving step three the best.
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I don't know what that says about me,
but step three always does it for me.
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And this is no exception.
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So step three is lean
into your support system.
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You need to take note of the
people you surround yourself
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with because it is so telling.
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It truly is because when it comes to
situations like heartbreak or anything
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that's not rainbow and sunshines, that's
who you know, who your real friends are.
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And I know we spoke about friendship
breakups last week on how you need to
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evaluate each friendship in your life, and
that lesson applies right here as well.
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You need to lean into your support
system and take note of the people
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who are actually there for you.
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You need to take note of the people
who actually show up, but also take
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note of the people who like to say
shit when your heart is broken.
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Now I know there was a little va
va voom when I was saying that,
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but matter of the fact is That
is the reality of the situation.
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Some people are just
there for a good time.
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And some people are there
through the thick and the thin.
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Those are the people that you
want to keep in your life.
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Cause it also goes back to, in
last week's episode, we spoke about
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how friends should elevate you.
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They should make you want
to be a better person.
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And when it comes to this case,
right, on how you can survive and
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thrive when you have your heart
broken in a romantic relationship,
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your friends are your support system.
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And if there are friends that are
not showing up for you, if there
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are friends that are not Going
through the trenches with you.
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they are showing you their true colors.
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And I had to learn that the hard way.
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As I mentioned in step one, I was
working at a theme park in this point
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in my life, and I had a really good
group of friends, or what I thought
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were a really good group of friends.
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And there are some friends still to this
day that I speak to who were there for me
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through the thin and the thick of it in
that breakup, they were amazing friends.
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They only knew me for about three
to four weeks at that point,
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because again, it's a seasonal job.
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It's during Halloween.
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And those particular friends, Becs
being one of them, you heard from her
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earlier this season, they barely knew me.
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They knew only a glimpse of my
relationship and those people stuck by me.
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However, there were friends
that did not show up for me.
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That said a lot of shit on how I
was going through this heartbreak.
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How I was processing those emotions.
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00:14:07,421 --> 00:14:12,771
They they, uh, very freely spoke their
mind about how everything I was doing
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was wrong and they wouldn't do it.
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Well, guess what?
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You don't have to agree with what I'm
doing, but for you to bad mouth how I am
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00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:25,121
healing in a very difficult time in my
life, you don't deserve to be in my life.
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Just like we spoke about in step two,
how you need to cut that emotional
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cord with your ex, you also gotta
cut that emotional cord with the
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friends that are not being supportive.
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If they do not support you when
you are going through heartbreak,
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They do not deserve you when
you are glowing up because This
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heartbreak is not gonna break you.
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It is going to make you stronger
and they don't deserve to be
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there when it makes you stronger.
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They don't get all the perks.
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If they can't be there when
it's not so shiny, they don't
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deserve to be there when it is.
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That is the matter of the fact.
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So you need to lean to the friends
who truly support you because
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your friends, like I mentioned
last week, are your lifeline.
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And I will link that episode in the
show notes below, The Friendship
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Breakup Glow Up moving on and leveling
up, for you guys so you can go back to
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all the references that I'm mentioning
when it comes to this certain step.
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And also, when we're talking about
leaning into a supportive system, that
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doesn't have to just mean your friends.
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It could mean seeking therapy,
if that's of interest to you,
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if that is an option for you.
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Because I also know that therapy is
not accessible to everyone, right?
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It is a privilege, a luxury,
to have access to therapy.
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I'm such a big advocate for therapy.
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It was one of the first things, not even
one of, it was the first thing I did
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after my breakup, after that, that two
months of trying to figure out what was
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going on, at the beginning of the year, in
2023, that was the first thing I did on my
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healing journey, was sign up for therapy.
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And it was really daunting,
it was very overwhelming.
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but it helped me so much.
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It really did transform my life.
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So when we're talking about that
supportive system, it doesn't just have
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to mean your friends and family and
taking note of how others treat you.
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00:16:12,186 --> 00:16:16,596
It could mean seeking therapy if
that's an option for you and if that's
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something that you want to do, and if
you want to do it and you're scared
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to do it, I highly, highly encourage
you, Radiant Icons, to check it out.
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00:16:24,806 --> 00:16:30,146
There are so many platforms out there,
whether it's in person or virtual.
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I know that I did Talkspace.
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00:16:32,856 --> 00:16:35,866
There's also this platform
called BetterHelp.
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Like, there are so many
resources out there.
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I'll link some in the show notes below.
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I may be completely biased, but I
do love me step number four as well.
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So I don't know.
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00:16:44,926 --> 00:16:47,566
I know I just said step number three
is probably one of my favorites,
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but I also love step four.
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It's really hard to choose.
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00:16:50,066 --> 00:16:50,366
Okay.
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00:16:50,806 --> 00:16:54,415
Like it's really hard, but step
four is rediscovering yourself-
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00:16:54,706 --> 00:16:58,156
saying yes to the new lease on
life that you have been granted.
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00:16:58,436 --> 00:17:03,236
This breakup happened for a reason,
whether we like it or not, it did happen.
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00:17:03,236 --> 00:17:05,045
That person is saying goodbye.
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00:17:05,045 --> 00:17:07,813
That person is stepping out of your life.
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00:17:07,813 --> 00:17:10,580
That relationship is no more for a reason.
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00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:13,580
You have to be accepting
of what is going on.
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00:17:13,951 --> 00:17:16,171
You need to say yes to life.
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00:17:16,171 --> 00:17:18,320
You need to say yes to the
doors that are opening.
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00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:22,271
You need to say yes to the new experiences
that are going to happen for you.
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00:17:22,471 --> 00:17:25,871
That person left to make room for
something better, for something
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00:17:25,871 --> 00:17:28,901
that is more aligned for the
path that you are going down.
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So you need to be open to it.
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You need to be receptive to it.
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You need to say yes.
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00:17:33,501 --> 00:17:36,971
This is the time where you get to
be so selfish because when you're in
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00:17:36,971 --> 00:17:41,101
relationships, I feel like sometimes
we may lose a sense of ourselves.
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00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:45,031
We may prioritize the other
person's needs before our own.
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I know I definitely did that.
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00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:52,481
I definitely prioritized my ex's
life before my own at times.
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00:17:52,481 --> 00:17:55,051
And I lost a part of myself.
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00:17:55,381 --> 00:18:00,661
And during this post breakup time
where I was learning how to survive
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00:18:00,681 --> 00:18:05,731
and thrive, I needed to start saying
yes to myself again, I needed to start
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00:18:05,731 --> 00:18:09,006
rediscovering what sets my soul on fire.
340
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:10,966
What fuels my heart.
341
00:18:11,026 --> 00:18:16,206
I needed to see what I wanted to do again
because I didn't know who I was after
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00:18:16,206 --> 00:18:19,056
the breakup, I was a shell of Amanda.
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00:18:19,296 --> 00:18:22,896
So I needed to start small
and build my way up, I need
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to rediscover who Amanda was.
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00:18:25,441 --> 00:18:27,211
So I just started saying yes to life.
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00:18:27,241 --> 00:18:29,831
I started saying yes to
everything around me.
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00:18:29,981 --> 00:18:33,741
I started doing the things that I
used to love doing before I was in
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00:18:33,741 --> 00:18:37,331
the relationship that maybe during
the relationship I didn't do.
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00:18:37,571 --> 00:18:41,641
An example for me personally
would be I love to go out.
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I love to go out dancing.
351
00:18:43,111 --> 00:18:44,171
I love to dress up.
352
00:18:44,181 --> 00:18:45,831
I love to have a good time.
353
00:18:46,141 --> 00:18:47,211
I love to take pictures.
354
00:18:47,321 --> 00:18:48,081
That is me.
355
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:49,971
That is Amanda to a T.
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00:18:50,151 --> 00:18:53,586
And in my relationship
I stopped doing that.
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00:18:53,746 --> 00:18:58,281
Maybe I did it every once in a while,
but My ex was more of a homebody.
358
00:18:58,281 --> 00:19:00,111
He didn't like socializing.
359
00:19:00,111 --> 00:19:01,381
He was very introverted.
360
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:06,511
And like, that's not bad, but
I was definitely diminishing or
361
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:09,191
putting aside my wants and needs.
362
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,251
What I, I wanted to do.
363
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:14,931
At that point in my life, like I was
with him for three and a half years.
364
00:19:14,931 --> 00:19:17,431
Like, That's like half of college almost.
365
00:19:17,431 --> 00:19:21,651
Like, I didn't go out as much as
maybe I wanted to because I was
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00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:25,661
prioritizing what my ex wanted to
do, what he was comfortable with.
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00:19:25,681 --> 00:19:28,341
Because again, that's also maybe a
people pleasing tendency of mine.
368
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:28,761
But you know what?
369
00:19:28,761 --> 00:19:29,491
We live and we learn.
370
00:19:30,231 --> 00:19:35,126
However I took that breakup
as an excuse to be selfish.
371
00:19:35,296 --> 00:19:37,006
I prioritized my time.
372
00:19:37,016 --> 00:19:38,696
I prioritized me.
373
00:19:39,006 --> 00:19:43,746
So the first thing I did is I went
to a party, I dressed up really
374
00:19:43,756 --> 00:19:48,016
hot, I took some hot TikToks, and
I went out and I shaked my booty.
375
00:19:48,256 --> 00:19:49,076
That's what I did.
376
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:50,856
That's what made me feel Amanda again.
377
00:19:51,046 --> 00:19:53,756
That's what helps me rediscover who I am.
378
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:58,911
So I challenge you, radiant icons, when
you're in this certain step of this
379
00:19:59,121 --> 00:20:05,201
surviving and thriving from heartbreak
is to rediscover who you are, to
380
00:20:05,201 --> 00:20:10,111
remember the bad bitch that you are,
to remember the icon that you are.
381
00:20:10,311 --> 00:20:13,391
Start doing things that you want to do.
382
00:20:13,531 --> 00:20:15,861
Start doing the things
that you need to do.
383
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:19,811
Start falling in love with yourself again.
384
00:20:20,061 --> 00:20:22,161
Start falling in love with life.
385
00:20:22,311 --> 00:20:23,691
Start saying yes.
386
00:20:24,526 --> 00:20:29,296
This is an opportunity for you to take
life by the horns and just go for it.
387
00:20:29,476 --> 00:20:30,656
So why not do it?
388
00:20:31,196 --> 00:20:35,516
Now you know we love boundary
setting here at Dare To Be Iconic,
389
00:20:35,516 --> 00:20:36,746
even if I'm not good at it.
390
00:20:37,216 --> 00:20:38,046
I do love it.
391
00:20:38,246 --> 00:20:43,346
So step five, the last and final step
is setting boundaries for healing.
392
00:20:43,706 --> 00:20:49,786
Now, no contact was forced upon me in
my breakup, but I can say confidently it
393
00:20:49,786 --> 00:20:52,876
was the best thing to ever happen to me.
394
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:55,746
And I know I keep saying the breakup
was the best thing ever happened to me.
395
00:20:55,746 --> 00:21:01,826
I know, I know, but it was, but in fact,
this boundary that my ex set with me,
396
00:21:01,976 --> 00:21:05,551
this no contact, actually did help.
397
00:21:05,611 --> 00:21:08,431
It was actually a genius boundary,
and that is the only thing I
398
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:09,741
will ever give him credit for.
399
00:21:09,781 --> 00:21:12,660
Let's get that clear, and you know what,
I'm not even gonna lie to you guys.
400
00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:14,620
I did break that boundary with my ex.
401
00:21:14,670 --> 00:21:17,270
He told me not to contact
him and I did email him.
402
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:20,600
I absolutely did because
I wanted closure, right?
403
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:25,470
I didn't know what was going on because
I was so blindsided by this breakup.
404
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,660
So yes, I did break that boundary.
405
00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:29,140
I did contact him.
406
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:32,100
I did leave him an email because
that was the only form of
407
00:21:32,130 --> 00:21:34,010
communication I could have with him.
408
00:21:34,170 --> 00:21:37,380
And when he answered back and told
me, absolutely not, you need to
409
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,030
respect my boundary, I did respect it.
410
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:44,020
That was my sign of, okay,
This really, really is over.
411
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,360
I need to move on.
412
00:21:45,670 --> 00:21:47,520
I need to keep pushing forward.
413
00:21:47,780 --> 00:21:49,660
I need to prioritize me.
414
00:21:49,870 --> 00:21:55,460
So by him setting that boundary with me,
and me being like, Okay, you know what?
415
00:21:56,300 --> 00:21:57,800
I'm gonna keep that boundary up.
416
00:21:58,210 --> 00:21:59,850
I actually have no choice.
417
00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:01,260
I need to respect it.
418
00:22:01,550 --> 00:22:03,300
I need to move on with my life now.
419
00:22:04,470 --> 00:22:05,740
Best thing to ever happen to me.
420
00:22:05,930 --> 00:22:10,130
Because it helped me not to fall
into that trap of, Oh, how you doing?
421
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:11,590
Oh, I miss you.
422
00:22:11,690 --> 00:22:12,350
This and that.
423
00:22:12,490 --> 00:22:14,200
That a lot of us go through, right?
424
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:19,660
When we don't set that firm boundary of
no contact or whatever it is, we end up
425
00:22:19,710 --> 00:22:24,760
falling into those old habits or patterns
of checking in on our ex because we're so
426
00:22:24,780 --> 00:22:27,080
used to having them there in our lives.
427
00:22:27,090 --> 00:22:28,180
That is normal.
428
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:33,120
But by setting a boundary so you can
heal and move forward is that last piece
429
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:37,530
to the puzzle so you can accept what's
going on so you can thrive and survive.
430
00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:41,950
We have made it to the dare to be
iconic hotline of today's tea time sesh.
431
00:22:42,190 --> 00:22:44,260
And these questions are spicy.
432
00:22:44,450 --> 00:22:46,650
These questions are piping hot.
433
00:22:46,790 --> 00:22:48,280
In fact, they're boiling.
434
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,240
So let's spill the tea on them.
435
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,140
Alright, question one.
436
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,840
Amanda, I keep wanting
to reach out to my ex.
437
00:22:55,870 --> 00:22:57,590
How do I stop myself?
438
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:03,770
I think my best advice in this scenario
is asking yourself the question, what
439
00:23:03,770 --> 00:23:05,570
will I gain from reaching out to my ex?
440
00:23:05,570 --> 00:23:07,580
Like genuinely, what will I gain from it?
441
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:14,890
Will it reopen a wound that hasn't been
healed or will I actually get closure?
442
00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:19,600
And oftentimes distance is
the closure that we need.
443
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:25,180
And I had to learn this the hard way, but,
honestly, distance usually is the answer.
444
00:23:25,535 --> 00:23:32,125
It is better to just cut that cord and go
about your separate ways than reopening
445
00:23:32,125 --> 00:23:37,465
a wound and feeling great in that moment
and then afterwards feeling like shit.
446
00:23:37,725 --> 00:23:40,875
So when you are in that stage
of, oh, I really want to reach
447
00:23:40,875 --> 00:23:42,315
out to them, ask yourself.
448
00:23:42,795 --> 00:23:45,585
Will this actually help
me in my healing journey?
449
00:23:46,005 --> 00:23:50,895
And if it's not, if it's just one moment
of satisfaction, and then you're going
450
00:23:50,895 --> 00:23:54,945
to go down that, that hill of, oh this
actually doesn't feel good, this isn't
451
00:23:54,945 --> 00:23:59,995
a place that I want to be in, then your
answer should be Distance is what I need.
452
00:24:00,075 --> 00:24:01,435
I'm not going to reach out to them.
453
00:24:01,785 --> 00:24:03,365
And that's what I'm going
to challenge you with.
454
00:24:03,365 --> 00:24:04,705
Question number two.
455
00:24:05,575 --> 00:24:08,835
Is it normal to still love
someone after they've hurt me?
456
00:24:08,835 --> 00:24:13,635
Yes, you still can love
someone after your breakup.
457
00:24:14,025 --> 00:24:17,495
You can still love someone
after they've hurt you.
458
00:24:18,405 --> 00:24:19,775
I think of it like this.
459
00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:24,215
This person was in your life for
X amount of months, years, days.
460
00:24:24,295 --> 00:24:25,895
That is the matter of the fact of it.
461
00:24:26,875 --> 00:24:32,300
At one point in your life, in that
relationship, You loved or cared for them.
462
00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:36,330
Obviously, when that relationship
breaks, when it no longer is
463
00:24:36,330 --> 00:24:40,670
there, those emotions, those
positive emotions, still are there.
464
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:44,660
They may be overshadowed by those
negative emotions that you're feeling
465
00:24:44,660 --> 00:24:48,510
right now, but the love and care
that you had for that person is
466
00:24:48,510 --> 00:24:50,270
still there, and it's still valid.
467
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,900
It's still normal to feel that way.
468
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:58,035
So yes, I think it's okay to still
love someone after they've hurt you.
469
00:24:58,775 --> 00:25:04,915
However, in the long run of things
Those feelings most likely will change.
470
00:25:05,215 --> 00:25:09,475
If it wasn't a messy breakup,
I would say you may love that
471
00:25:09,475 --> 00:25:11,265
person for the rest of your life.
472
00:25:11,595 --> 00:25:13,475
I don't have that experience personally.
473
00:25:13,955 --> 00:25:16,995
I cannot, I cannot say
that is true for me.
474
00:25:17,205 --> 00:25:19,275
But I do know that is
true for other people.
475
00:25:19,445 --> 00:25:25,135
Some people are broken up for X amount of
years and it was a very Mutual breakup,
476
00:25:25,665 --> 00:25:28,955
and they still love that person and
care for that person till this day, even
477
00:25:28,955 --> 00:25:31,575
though they're living their own separate
lives, and I think that's beautiful.
478
00:25:31,645 --> 00:25:32,745
I just can't relate to that.
479
00:25:33,205 --> 00:25:39,765
However, if it's a messy breakup,
and it was one sided, you know, those
480
00:25:39,765 --> 00:25:42,025
feelings most likely will change.
481
00:25:42,305 --> 00:25:49,605
I can say from personal experience that
when I first got broken up with by my ex,
482
00:25:49,605 --> 00:25:51,595
I was with him for three and a half years.
483
00:25:51,595 --> 00:25:56,415
That two month period before I decided
to change my life, and I was still
484
00:25:56,415 --> 00:25:58,585
figuring out this healing journey, right?
485
00:25:59,585 --> 00:26:00,775
I still did love him.
486
00:26:00,785 --> 00:26:02,285
I still had love for him.
487
00:26:02,285 --> 00:26:03,655
He was a part of my life.
488
00:26:04,215 --> 00:26:07,255
I did love him at one point
in my life for years actually.
489
00:26:07,255 --> 00:26:11,575
Of course, after that breakup, I'm
still going to feel some type of
490
00:26:11,575 --> 00:26:14,465
emotion for him or towards him.
491
00:26:14,465 --> 00:26:17,095
Those positive emotions
still will be there.
492
00:26:18,045 --> 00:26:25,655
Now, far removed, so far removed, a
completely more iconic version of myself.
493
00:26:25,655 --> 00:26:30,775
Now, I can tell you that
feeling has completely changed.
494
00:26:30,825 --> 00:26:34,535
I genuinely could care less what my
ex is doing, but that's just me now.
495
00:26:35,340 --> 00:26:36,440
And maybe that will change.
496
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,360
Most likely not, but
maybe that will change.
497
00:26:38,660 --> 00:26:42,420
But what I'm trying to say is that
it's okay to still love someone,
498
00:26:42,420 --> 00:26:47,080
and it's okay if those emotions
do change later down the line.
499
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:48,600
It's okay.
500
00:26:48,770 --> 00:26:49,560
It's normal.
501
00:26:49,580 --> 00:26:50,560
It's valid.
502
00:26:51,260 --> 00:26:52,820
And love isn't a light switch.
503
00:26:52,850 --> 00:26:54,550
You can't just flip it on and off.
504
00:26:55,230 --> 00:26:56,600
Love sticks with you.
505
00:26:57,155 --> 00:27:00,055
Love stays with you, and it's
okay that it's still there.
506
00:27:00,575 --> 00:27:01,515
It truly is.
507
00:27:02,205 --> 00:27:05,925
All right, Radiant Icons, that
is your tea time sesh for today.
508
00:27:05,925 --> 00:27:07,565
I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
509
00:27:07,805 --> 00:27:11,695
If you did, make sure to subscribe
to leave a reading, a review, a
510
00:27:11,745 --> 00:27:16,125
comment, to tell your friends about
us, to tell everyone and anyone
511
00:27:16,125 --> 00:27:21,295
because we love more Radiant Icons
in our iconic community of ours.
512
00:27:22,155 --> 00:27:29,405
Oh my gosh, Radiant Icons, I truly
cannot believe That next week on March
513
00:27:29,425 --> 00:27:35,745
27th will be one year since the launch
of the Dare to be Iconic podcast.
514
00:27:36,055 --> 00:27:42,565
One of the best business decisions I have
ever made was starting this podcast and
515
00:27:42,565 --> 00:27:45,015
I can't believe We're already on a year.
516
00:27:45,185 --> 00:27:49,635
So thank you guys for being here
for the Dare to Be Iconic journey.
517
00:27:49,905 --> 00:27:53,805
The podcast really has allowed me
to connect with you guys in such
518
00:27:53,805 --> 00:27:58,075
a special and intimate way and I
can't believe you spend every week
519
00:27:58,085 --> 00:28:02,350
listening to me yap on this mic
and spilled the tea about my life.
520
00:28:02,350 --> 00:28:04,580
I truly cannot believe
that I get to do this.
521
00:28:04,940 --> 00:28:08,910
And I just get to do what I love
because of you guys, because you guys
522
00:28:08,910 --> 00:28:10,450
choose to be on this journey with me.
523
00:28:10,460 --> 00:28:13,370
And I am just, I'm just so
happy that you're here and a
524
00:28:13,370 --> 00:28:15,150
part of the Radiant Icon Club.
525
00:28:16,025 --> 00:28:16,675
I love you guys.
526
00:28:16,985 --> 00:28:18,055
So thank you.
527
00:28:18,115 --> 00:28:23,505
Anyways, I'm just so excited for next week
Not only is it the one year anniversary
528
00:28:23,615 --> 00:28:29,805
of the dare to be iconic podcast, but
next week's tea time sesh is all about
529
00:28:30,325 --> 00:28:37,325
cultivating Unbreakable confidence how to
truly love yourself as the icon that you
530
00:28:37,355 --> 00:28:39,315
are because we're in this new era, right?
531
00:28:39,515 --> 00:28:41,515
We've spoken about the
friendship breakups.
532
00:28:41,735 --> 00:28:43,745
We've spoken about the romantic breakups.
533
00:28:44,075 --> 00:28:45,765
We're in an era of new.
534
00:28:45,775 --> 00:28:47,435
We're in an era of iconicness.
535
00:28:47,445 --> 00:28:51,870
We're in an era of singleness whether
it's platonically Or romantically,
536
00:28:52,190 --> 00:28:57,080
we're in this new era, so how do we love
ourselves like the icons that we are
537
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,940
while we're experiencing all this newness?
538
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,500
Well, that is what we're spilling the
tea on next week, and we are celebrating,
539
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:10,815
so make sure to check out the Dare to
be Iconic and my personal social media
540
00:29:10,815 --> 00:29:15,235
pages, because there may be a little
surprise coming up as a little thank
541
00:29:15,235 --> 00:29:20,655
you for changing my life, like truly
you guys have, and I am so, so grateful,
542
00:29:20,655 --> 00:29:25,295
like I, I can't shut up about it, but
I truly, truly am, I love you guys, I
543
00:29:25,295 --> 00:29:31,595
will talk to you guys next week, remember
Radiant Icons, dare to be iconic, bye!
