Last week I talked about how different communication styles can cause the same page blues. In this episode, I am discussing money and intimacy as obstacles in relationships. Tonight's episode is sponsored by Hello Fresh.

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00:00

Good evening and welcome to my humble podcast abode. I am Cocoa Griot. You know that fifty-something who lights up when she can talk about life, love, and a hodgepodge of other topics. Last week I started talking about the same page blues. That episode was really looking at communication in relationships and I posed a couple of questions that I promised I would address tonight. The first question was, what happens when the Sprinter decides their voice needs to be heard? Well, in situations like this, most of the time when the Sprinter wants to be heard, the Marathoner feels like that person is changing. They are not the person they were initially drawn to. If the Sprinter wants to be more vocal, then you might just have to find another relationship to do that in. The second question was, should the marathoner, encourage a sprinter to talk more? Again, the issue becomes are you turning this person into something that they really are not. So in that instance, I'm thinking about an issue is going to arise from that. Anyone that's trying to shape you to be what they want you to be doesn't really appreciate the person that you are. If they really have the desire to mold and shape, invite them to buy some Play-Doh.

1:30

Definitely, communication can be a stumbling block in a relationship. Tonight, I want to look at other areas in which the same page, if you're not there, can cause the blues. The first would be finances. When I got married, I basically had zilch, in terms of experience in managing money. I had a dad who used to give me blank checks to go shopping. But I had a husband that didn't have those same kinds of pockets, for me it was that a big growing-up moment. I didn't understand about balancing the checkbook, I just wrote them and let them fly. My husband with his loving tone came to me and said, Honey, I'm gonna let you have your own checking account for a little while. I want you to work on managing that when you show me you can manage money responsibly, I will resume having a joint account with you. This is the best thing he could have ever done for me. It made me grow up and learn how to handle money. Still not the best, but I've come a long way.

2:34

If you are a spender, but your partner's a saver, that can really be a point of contention. It's important before you come together to understand a person's views about money. Be observant. Watch how a person manages their finances and have open conversations with them about how you manage money. Problems can destroy marriages and relationships, pretty quickly. Being on the same page is a source of harmony for you and your partner. A relationship's financial health is a cornerstone of the overall health of a relationship.

3:09

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4:15

What a segue to the next issue that can arise in relationships and cause conflict. When people are not on the same page in terms of their appetite for intimacy that can cause the same page blues. Now I'm not just talking about frequency here, the type of intimacy an individual prefers is a topic that should be discussed when a couple finds themselves, heading in that direction. I've been on the receiving end of many phone calls with friends who are shocked by their partner's request. My husband and I did not engage in a physical relationship prior to our marriage. We did talk about intimacy expectations, prior to getting married because we felt like that was important. Some of my friends did not take the time to have these kinds of conversations and to say they experienced regret is an understatement. Please know, I'm not judging anyone. I'm just sharing experiences in order to help someone not be blindsided like several people I know have been. Intimacy issues rank very high in terms of topics that send people to couples counseling. There's an estimate that as many as 20% of marriages lack physical intimacy and the culprits are varied. They could be something like having a new baby, struggling to regain intimacy after infidelity, financial issues or mismatched appetites for intimate encounters. If you find yourself, not on the same page as your partner in any facet of your relationship, counseling is often a great option to help you find balance and peace. Make your way back to the same page. Ditch the blues.

6:03

Thanks for listening this evening. And as always, I wish you good health, good fortune, and good night. Coco Griot out.