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A special episode to share the We Are Already Free story and meet your host Nathan Maingard #006
Episode 615th September 2022 • We Are Already Free • Nathan Maingard
00:00:00 00:22:34

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Were you one of the outcasts, the weird ones, the so-called ‘overly sensitive’? Did you crush, deny or hide your authentic expression to fit into the box our society just calls ‘being a good citizen’? In this episode I share something a little different...

This is a brief and vulnerable introduction to me, your host Nathan Maingard. How I arrived at this point of sharing the We Are Already Free message with you…and some of the stumbling blocks I tripped over along the way.

I hope this episode will help you to realise that your healing is not only possible, but inevitable...if you do just one thing. But I'll leave that for the episode...

Connect & Review The Podcast

Thank you

See you next week

Love

Nathan

PS: if you haven't yet, be sure to subscribe/follow, share and leave a review!

Transcripts

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Welcome to We Are Already Free, a podcast

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helping free DownToEarth people to live their truth and be the change, rather than

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spending so much time fighting against what they don't want one.

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Were you one of the outcasts, the weird ones, the so called overly sensitive?

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Did you crush, deny, or hide your authentic expression to fit into the box

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our society just calls being a good citizen?

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In this episode, I share something a little different.

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This is a brief and vulnerable

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introduction to me, your host, how I arrived at this point of sharing the We

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Are Already Free message with you and some of the sometimes funny, sometimes sad

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stumbling blocks I tripped over along the way.

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And my sincerest hope is that help you to realize that you are not alone, that your

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story is worthy and your healing is not only possible, but inevitable.

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Before we get started, I just wanted to

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thank you for your enthusiastic support of this podcast.

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We've had over 1000 listens in the first three weeks with over 200 subscribers on

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various platforms, and I can't even read out all the reviews.

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There have been so many like this one,

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which has filled my heart to overflowing the episode with terror.

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Had me in tears.

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Such a beautiful conversation.

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I can't wait to listen to every episode.

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Thank you for putting this out there.

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That's from Candy Crush Superstar.

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Okay, I'll read another one just because I love them so much.

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Stopped by to listen to one and ended up spending the day listening to them all.

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Thank you.

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Highly recommend.

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Thank you, Elisabeth.

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Such a pleasure.

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Okay, this really is the last one. Just one more.

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There's so many, but I'll do just one more.

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Eye opening, healing and profound.

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Nathan's podcast is a beautiful collection

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of stories from incredible people around the world.

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He hand selects each of his guests who

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have important messages and stories that I think we all need to hear.

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Had me in tears from day one.

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It's a masterpiece.

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I can't recommend enough j Joanne. So thank you.

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If you are one of the people who left a review, I read them all.

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They nourish the deepest parts of me and they definitely give me great juice for

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continuing this podcast and for just taking it to more and more heights.

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So thank you.

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Please keep them coming now onto the episode and may it serve you in living

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your truth and loving the unique miracle that you are dear listener.

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Blessings and I will see you in just a moment.

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So I was super blessed to grow up to be born into the village of Scarborough at

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the tip of Africa, Cape Town, South Africa.

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Really getting this introduction into life, of village life, of growing up

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connected to nature, to being barefoot, to being in the ocean.

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It was really amazing.

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And despite all of that beauty, which I

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really did help to shape so much of my life, I still experienced the lineage of

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trauma, both my parents doing the best that they absolutely could, and I'm so

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grateful to them, but through their own trauma, there was a lot that happened that

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was really hurtful for all of us and my father.

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The male lineage is one of violence and the female lineage is one of abandonment.

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And so I've carried these two wounds with me and as a highly sensitive person,

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I still tried when I was young to shop, I think, as we all do, just wanting to be

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seen and have fun and connect and be open and authentic, I think, really.

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Gabor Mate says that authenticity is one of the two primary needs of every human

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and it's not being met for many or most of us.

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So anyway, sharing this story that we are already free story with you today, so I

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was a very sensitive boy and I wanted to connect.

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And I quite quickly learned that that's not what society was okay with.

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Going to school, I was really bullied and

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bullied in ways that didn't make sense to me.

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I never got it.

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I never understood the sort of casual cruelty.

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It wasn't aligned with how I wanted to be in the world.

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But I did realize that

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the way that I was trying to show up wasn't appropriate or welcome.

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So I really tried to fit in.

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I tried to crush the authenticity out of

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myself, to align myself with what I thought society was asking of me.

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As children, we're so sensitive, we're so aligned, and our brains and our entire

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being is around, how can I belong within this environment that I find myself?

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And so my belonging was to suppress the

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authentic parts of myself and to try to fit into these structures of what I know

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to be disease and destruction and dysfunction.

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And anyway, at some point in that journey, because both my parents listen to great

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music and my mom's a poet, my dad's a musician and a guitar maker, I got into

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lyrics and songs and stories and I just fell in love.

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I just fell into it as listening to Kat Stevens when her eyes like windows

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trickling rain upon her pain getting deeper.

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And I was listening to that at like eight

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years old going, oh, my gosh, she's talking about window panes and the pain

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she's feeling and her tears, which is also the rain.

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And I was like, how is this all happening at once?

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And so that is a thread that carried me

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through when I started playing guitar at about 14, writing songs with my friends.

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And yet I was also selfmedicating.

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I started trying to by trying to fit myself into the society

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the way that I thought it wanted, I got into women, basically.

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I got into this idea of if I could be a

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player, if I could be a master of seduction, then that would mean that I

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belonged and that I fitted in and I caused a lot of pain because of that.

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And I'm sorry.

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To anyone I hurt in that time, I apologize.

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Please forgive me.

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I was myself in so much pain and I was

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doing my best, but that doesn't deny that I hurt people.

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In those teenage years and into my early

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twenty s, I also got into drugs, which I don't have a problem with.

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Some drugs I don't have a problem, it's all good.

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But if it's taking away from health, if

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it's taking away from life and for a time for me it did.

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Using ecstasy was ecstasy actually helped me to feel my feelings again.

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MDMA was like, oh wow, I actually have

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emotions I was in when I was 19 or so, but things like methamphetamines, speed,

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et cetera really had a very negative impact.

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And I just spent my sort of teenage and

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early 20s running away, like trying to find myself by if I could just find a

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place where everything is just right, where everything out there just matches

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the way that I think it should be, then it will all be okay.

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And that didn't really work that way, obviously.

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And thankfully the inner voice kept

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calling and calling and calling and so I turned back inward.

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I started turning back inward with much resistance.

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And at one point I went to my first Ayahuasca ceremony,

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which was crazy because I had no preparation, I didn't know anyone there, I

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had no integration and it just blew my mind.

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For anyone who's worked with Climate, I don't recommend doing it that way.

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I think there's a much kinder way to go about it with a lot more support, a lot

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more time and practice and just easing into it in a way.

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But anyway, I did that and I also did the Vipassana ten day silent meditation.

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This is now my early 20s when actually sort of mid 20s.

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Mid 20s, yeah, when I was just needing this alternative way of being.

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And the Vipassana was interesting because

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it showed me how much hurt I was causing to myself and to others.

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It really showed me the pain that I was

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carrying and the pain I was passing on specifically in the sexual interactions,

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in the intimate interactions I was having with women.

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So I decided to be celibate for a while and really started like exploring this

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different way of being inside myself, really embodying.

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And my authenticity was this is the thing, it was always trying to shine, it was

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always there and I had beautiful friendships and I had amazing adventures

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and connections and yet I was always wrestling with that part of myself.

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I so wanted to be accepted by the greater society and I also kept shining my

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authenticity and it kept not being accepted by the kind of mainstream.

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So eventually I had to really make a decision on that over time.

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Just like actually I want to live it in a different way in the world and I want to

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consciously be vulnerable and share my truth and just be myself in the world.

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I was raised on nature cure, so when we would get sick as kids, we would just have

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an enemy and do a cleanse and do a fast for two or three days.

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And we got well, I don't think any of us

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really went to the doctor much at all for some emergencies, really.

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And then when I was a young adult living

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in the UK, I tried the other way, just eating shitty food, drinking loads of

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booze and going to the doctor when I got sick.

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And I quickly realized even with all the drugs they were giving me, I was sick for

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longer and I didn't feel as good afterwards.

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It didn't really work anyway.

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So then at some point committed to music

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as my career when I was 27 years old or so, and that was a huge leap for me.

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And immediately on making that decision,

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started experiencing chronic pain, which is interesting how all that works,

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but spasms in my neck, et cetera, which I still have today.

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But the whole relationship with it has shifted and is shifting as I heal and I

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focus on where I am powerful, not where I'm not.

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But I really went through an intense

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period of depression, burnout, chronic pain, everything fell apart.

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My patreon page, which had been so well

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supported by such an amazing community of people that fell apart,

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and yet through it all, my authenticity kept shining and I kept taking that one

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step forward, even if I'd taken ten steps back, just take the next step forward and

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then maybe I'll get three steps forward before the next step back.

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And I realize now more and more that

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really what is success or what healing requires is just getting up or trying

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again or showing up one more time than I fall down one more time.

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Nathan, I fail.

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It's like I'm going to fail, I'm going to fall apart, it's all going to happen.

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And then when I have the capacity take

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that deep breath, get up again and continue on the journey.

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And so through all of that, a big part of

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it for me was in my desperation at one point.

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I mean, I was contacting a psych ward

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because I was suicidal and I was scared that I was going mad and I was trying to

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check myself in and I started seeing a therapist.

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And thankfully.

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As by the grace of the divine.

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I found my way back to plant medicine now in my early thirty s.

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And really made a dedicated commitment to that work to breath.

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Work to plant medicines.

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Working with sacred mushrooms.

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And wrote a lot of the songs.

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Like Beautiful Song Every Leaf.

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Which is all about the experience of going into the infinite and then returning and

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then realizing that this whole thing is just like a complete miracle.

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It's a complete mystery.

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And yet here I am within it.

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And there's something of a relief in that.

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So yeah, through this whole journey of

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really struggling at times, I just kept showing up.

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Kept showing up. And so by the time the pandemic started.

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I had already done so much work to

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extricate myself from needing to follow the rules that I was given by society.

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By government. By education.

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By medication.

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By all of those which had failed me

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completely in actually taking care of my deepest human needs.

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My real need for meaning and purpose and connection and vibrant health and a life

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of regenerative connection to the cycles of life.

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Birth. Death.

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Rebirth of the whole thing.

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Like our society just doesn't take care of

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any of that as far as I can feel generally.

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And so by the time the pandemic came, I

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just ignored it initially because I've ignored things like that for years.

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It's just like, that's another thing

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people are pushing out, that people must be panicked about this and we must be

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scared and there's terrible stuff like it'll just pass and then it didn't.

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And so I started sharing.

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I started sharing these little snippets of information.

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What about these statistics?

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And what about the fact that it's only people who are already past the age of

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life expectancy in most countries that are actually dying and that those who have

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comorbidities are the ones who are at risk and anyone who's healthy seems to be kind

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of completely fine generally most of the time and those kinds of things.

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But what happened was it just created massive polarity.

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I started seeing these arguments on my

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comment feeds, on my social media and I stopped.

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I don't want to be a part of that. That's not my jam.

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I don't want to create more polarity.

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I want us to be empowered and connect and feel our value in the world.

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And at that time, I was actually

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processing some work of finding my why, which is this process of working.

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Like when my gifts and the things I'm skilled at and the things people need all

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align, what does that look like when I'm at my best?

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What happens in the world?

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And my wife became that I inspire and help DownToEarth seekers to live their truth so

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that we can all feel, heal and grow a beautiful world together.

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So basically that when I am in my center, in my most truest self, the

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result is that people feel safe enough to be their authentic selves.

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That that is my gift in the world.

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So realizing that, I was like, okay, so I have my truth and I want to speak it and I

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want to support people on this journey, so what can I do?

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And again, I didn't want to polarize things because I just felt crap.

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It just wasn't exciting at all.

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And then I started writing for the first

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time ever and again, I've been a songwriter since I was 15 years old, and

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I've written poems here and there, but I've never really written long form poems.

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And I definitely had never written spoken word poetry.

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And that's what I started doing.

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I started writing these long form poems.

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And I think the second or third one of those poems was We Are Already Free.

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When I shared that poem, I didn't expect I

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mean, I just felt like, yes, this is my truth and it feels good to share.

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And I didn't expect that it would go viral, which it did.

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And that's probably how you listening found us in some way, is like through that

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process on Telegram or Instagram or WhatsApp, or all these various places.

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And it's been such a gift to realize that

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I don't have to fight against something I don't want.

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It's good to know what it is.

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The shadow is critical. We have to know the shadow.

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We have to integrate the shadow.

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That is such a key part of this work.

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And then where are you putting your energy?

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Where am I putting my energy?

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Energy is power, right?

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So what am I empowering with my energy?

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It's like we are these light beings that are generating

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electrical energy with our attention and our awareness and how we move and how we

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breathe and what we eat, what we think and who we hang out with.

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We're generating this energy

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and then what we plug that energy into with our attention and with our actions.

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That is what we literally empower.

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That's what we give power to through our energy, and that's what we get more of.

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So once I'd written that poem, it really felt so clear to me that We Are Already

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Free is a mantra for our times, for those of us who are on this journey of

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reclamation, of returning to our inner sovereignty, to the inner being, to the

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power of just what it means that we are intrinsically free.

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Even if we have forgotten that, even if it

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has been physically removed from us by force, we are still there is a part of me

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and a part of you listening that is inescapably liberated always.

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So this brings us pretty much to the end.

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I'm going to share the poem itself with you now that We Are Already Free poem.

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Thank you so much for all the responses.

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And to everyone who has resonated with

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this, it has been such a gift for me to be able to just share my truth and to have it

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connect with you and for us to be dancing this dance together.

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Now, I want to acknowledge that some of the things I say in this poem might be

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triggering for you, and they might be challenging, they might cause discomfort.

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And that's okay. I think it's really wonderful if we can

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meet in a place where it's okay to disagree, it's okay to not have everything

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truly aligned and I'm not judging you if your choices are different to mine.

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All I'm saying, as you're hearing the

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poem, is that we are sovereign beings and our choice is our own to make and that

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should not and cannot be taken away from us.

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So please enjoy this poem.

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Thank you for being here.

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If you believe that you can vaccinate

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yourself to health or consume your way to wealth, if you think nature is a fool

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because you're not a part of the pool of life in all its branches, then I sincerely

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wish you blessings and I think you're taking chances.

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Though I would never dictate how you choose to feel great, I'd only ask the

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same weight for my perceptions and the actions I choose to take.

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Imagine if I told you that for the good of

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all, you could no longer eat a takeout, drink Coca Cola or consume fear.

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Sorry, I mean media globally owned by five corporations.

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But perhaps let's say that for a future explanation.

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Imagine if I said that the science was in, living a life of joy, natural food and

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movement was the solution, and you would no longer be allowed to spend your days

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inside your house on your couch, wrapped in fear.

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But you'd have to come outside, sit around

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the fire, make love, music, laughter and tears.

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Give your time to serve earth and your relations for all your years.

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How would you feel if I dictated your state from my external place?

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It wouldn't work, would it?

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Because it's your body, your choice now.

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The same folk who say it's okay to poison the well have you heard of Glyphosate?

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Look it up. It is living hell.

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Those same people are saying they only

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care for getting back to normal and your health when they sit on the boards of the

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corporations selling the medication that increases their wealth.

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Hidden in their words is a grain of truth.

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This society seeks to homogenize you to

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normalize the way life comes through until you are nothing more than a resource

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consumable, disposable, broken like a wild horse saddled bridled with no conceivable,

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recourse, drained, debrained your energy a devoured force until it's too late.

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And you say, I wish I'd bucked sooner for my children or the next course.

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So here's an invitation from the heart of love in action.

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Take a breath and let it go.

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Feel your gut reaction.

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Step outside with bare feet, begin recalibration.

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Be a rebel, share a hug.

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Remember you're in heaven.

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And if all that is not enough, then please, please, stop blaming those of us,

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the millions of us hidden under all that noise and fluff.

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We who electrify our lives with truth beyond the lies.

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Healthy people are not responsible for disease.

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That's not how nature works.

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So let us go.

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We are already free.

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So thank you again for joining me on this we are already Free journey.

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It's such a pleasure and an honor to be

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here with you to be navigating this wild unfolding of society, of transformation.

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What a time to be alive, what a challenge, what an invitation.

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And I couldn't think of a better way to do

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it than navigating it with someone like you.

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I love being me with you.

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And if you're listening to this then for sure we have a vibe.

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So the final request that I have for you

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before we part ways today is that you can connect with me.

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The strange thing about podcasts is that you're probably listening to this.

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Doing the dishes or driving your car or

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doing some exercise and I don't know who you are.

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I just see stats on my player that says this many people are listening.

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This many people have followed.

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Which is great and I'm so grateful and

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please keep doing all of that but I don't know who you are and I would

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love to and I would love to share something of you with this.

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We are Already free community here on this podcast.

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So if you feel aligned, please send me a voice note.

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You can send it to me either on my Instagram or Telegram or wherever you use.

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You just need to go to Alreadyfree me and you'll see buttons there to leave

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reviews and to leave voice notes, et cetera.

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But really just taking that action, leaving me a voice note, letting me know

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how are you navigating your freedom, how are you embodying the person you came

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here to be, how are you living your truth and being the change?

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And what are your challenges?

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What is it that you're coming up against that you don't know what to do about it's?

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In sharing that we find healing, I really

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more and more, especially through working with plant medicines, I realized that we

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are collaborative beings, that this whole reality is a collaboration of infinite

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energetic particles coming together and all saying yes to this reality.

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So it's okay if you're struggling because some other people have the reflections

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that you need to move through your struggles in the same way that your

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struggle can serve others to realize that they are not alone.

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It's all one knowing unfolding within itself and coming to know itself.

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So let's do it together.

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Let's do it together.

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We are not alone.

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You are not alone.

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And I hope that this podcast episode has helped you to remember that and I wish you

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all the blessings and I look forward to many more episodes.

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Now we have some beautiful guests coming up.

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I just wanted to take this moment to

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really introduce myself, say hello to you and I will see you next week.

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And for now just go to Already Free Me and leave me a voice note.

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It can be private or one that I can share on the podcast in a future episode.

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You just let me know about that and thank

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you again for the blessing of your presence.

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I'm so grateful to be me with you. And I'll see you next week.