Perry Maughmer

Well, welcome to the Potential Leader Lab, and I'm your host, Perry Maughmer. So for those that have listened previously, there was a bit of structure going on in the beginning and ending and throughout and research based. And I'm going to talk a little bit about this in this part of the podcast because this one's actually titled Evolving on Purpose and Purpose, having two meanings at the point. So buckle up and here we go. So the reason I chose on purpose is for two reasons. One is, as it would seem intentionally like, on purpose. So, you know, you evolve on purpose. And the second one is really on purpose and context of towards a specific end state, right? So you're aligning it with why you want to do something, as in addition to also doing it intentionally? Well, my end state, end state is transcendence. And by that I mean to move beyond myself, to truly serve other folks. And that's a real challenge for me because I'm fairly self centered and believe I know best in most cases. And for those that follow along in things that I write and post on LinkedIn, I actually wrote about this interaction I had with my wife and she was trying to help me. I asked. I actually asked for her opinion and then she gave it to me and I promptly ignored it. And she told me, you know, I don't know why you ask because you very rarely listen.

Perry Maughmer

And so I did listen. I listened. I listened really well at that point. And I started thinking about it in other pieces of my life. And I'm actually working with several folks right now in different realms of know therapist and a coach and consultants and things like that. And I tend to not listen to any of them. I mean, I listen to them, but then I do what I think I was going to do to start with. And so my goal here in, in using my E three framework, which we're going to talk about here in a minute, is really leveraging it in a way that's beneficial. So I can not only talk about it, but do it. And so the way I look at this from an evolution standpoint, we have to focus on our future self and not on our past self. And I have to make choices that are supported by the future self. I aspire to, you know, and allow the future to influence the influence the present and not the past. Because if I allow the past to influence the future, I'm kind of moving incrementally, right? Because that's that's incremental growth is going to be focused on the past and transformational growth can be focused on the possibility of the future. You know, you ask yourself the question, well, what if what if I did this? What if what if I tried to do this? What if I tried to do that is much more transformational than thinking, okay, in the past I did this.

Perry Maughmer

So in the future I'll do this because that's going to be much more incremental in nature. It's going to be a heavy lift, right? So if we did a little bit of something, we're going to try to do a little bit more of it. So it's actually focused on the wrong area and it's not going to get most of us where we want to go, especially if you're thinking about, you know, you have the term bag, you know, a big, hairy, audacious goal because most people aspire in really the the root of aspire aspirational goals. Right? Most of the time we have these aspirational goals. We want these big things in our future. We want to we want to move far beyond in a transformational way what we've done in the past. Now that's really interesting because it's we tend not to allow our future self to define that for us. We think about where we've been and then where does that mean we're going to go as opposed to where do I want to go? What does that mean I have to do now? Well, that's why I came up with this framework, actually, because explore, experiment, evolve. Right now, the thing is, it's simple, but not easy.

Perry Maughmer

I'm not saying it. It is easy. It's really, really hard. And I think that the challenge is, is once we do, it's a it's a framework. It's a process. It's repeated over and over and over again. And so if you look at this, they call it a J-curve because it looks like a J on paper. There's a low point on the left and a high point on the right and a line drawn down and up and so we have explore, experiment, evolve. But they usually you look at it like a static piece, you look at it like one J-curve you know, one point we have a we have a current state and a desired state and you want to move from the current state to the desired state, but you can't go in a straight line because that's not how the world works. We have to go down before we go up. You can't. And I guess the easiest way to think about this is you can't go from mountaintop to mountaintop without going down in the valley. Right. So if we if we do want to change, if we do want to do something different, we're probably not going to do it exceptionally well. To start off, That's why there's a little bit of a lull. That's why we have to go down and go up. So we're going to take a few steps back to go a mini steps forward.

Perry Maughmer

But then the real the real bitch about this is that we're in a current state and a desired state. So let's say we make it to our desired state at some point soon after that. What does the desired state become? The current state and we start over again. Right. And so we're never truly done. And if at any point we are done, then I guess that means we're dead, right? Because we're going to stop and I'm going to talk about that in a little bit. And if we and really what's going to drive us and I just had this conversation this morning with somebody is we have to have a very strong vision of our future. And if we don't, we're going to focus, We shift back to the past. So if we're not looking forward, we're looking backward. There's no because the past, the present and the future all exist simultaneously. Okay. And so if we're not looking forward, if we're not looking to the future, we have only one choice, and that's to look backwards because we're always looking. We get retrospective. This is what I did. We're not we're never really talking about what we're doing currently. It's in context of what we've done and what we want to do. And if we stop thinking about what we want to do and we don't have this compelling vision of the future for ourselves, there's only one way to look, and that's back instead of forwards.

Perry Maughmer

Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you there's a right way and a wrong way to do this. Everybody's got to figure out their own way. And that's one of my challenges in the work that I do because I'm heavily descriptive and not prescriptive. I don't necessarily want to tell people what to do. I don't believe you can do that because I think you have to make sense of it for yourself. I offer a framework and I think frameworks work because you fill in the blanks, but I'm not saying do step one, step two, step three, because I'm not sure that works. And if it did, there'd only be one book or one process, and there isn't. Because if you look up any kind of self-help stuff, I mean, there's millions and millions of them out there. And that's because they all work. They work for the person that used it or they work for the person that's selling it. They may not work for everybody. So again, there's no right or definitive way to do this, but you have to do something. Right. You do have to do something and it's really not. And we talk a little bit about velocity and speed, right? Because it's not really about speed, it's about velocity.

Perry Maughmer

Speed is how fast you go. Velocity is how fast you're going in a quadrant from point A to point B, You know, how quickly do you speed up? And we need a process because of the rate of change in the outside world. The world is changing really, really quickly and that just keeps accelerating. And so we have to keep accelerating or else the world passes us by. All right. And we've got to keep pace or I would even argue, move a little bit faster than our environment. And so therefore, we need a framework because if not, we start from scratch every time something comes up. And I've seen this happen again and again for people, each time a problem or an issue arises or even a challenge or an opportunity, they kind of start from zero. What do we do here? You know, how do we do this? Should we do it? Can we do it? How do we do it? All of those questions. And if you don't have. A framework that you can default to, to know, okay, if this falls into this process, it costs you time now. So, so what I've done is I've created a little bit more. A little bit more meat around the bone of explore, experiment, evolve and talking about the activity in the state of mind at each place. Because I think there are three kind of fundamental traits, fundamental things that we have to embrace.

Perry Maughmer

And those are humility, courage and integrity. And I think they fit really well in each of these phases because to me, exploration requires humility. I'm not going to explore if I know everything. And so the fundamental thing I have to kind of grasp, I have to kind of take to heart is humility, which can be you can define it however you want. It's actually the root of it is, you know, face down in the dirt. You know, that's the root of humility is dirt. Because if you're humble, then you're you're face down. Right. And so only when I'm humble can I be curious. Only when I'm humble will I ask questions. By the way, questions I don't already know the answer to, but questions all the same. Right? I'm going to access my own ignorance. And I only do that if I'm humble. If I'm not humble, I'm not going to explore. Exploration is all about finding out new things that I don't know. Again, very purposeful in the word choice because exploration is about. Looking for opportunities and opening up things to possibilities. Not it's not a journey from point A to point B, It's more like an Odyssey. I don't know what's out there, so I'm going to explore. Now, once I've explored and I and I exhibit that humility and I've asked some questions and I'm curious, at some point I've got to have the courage to experiment.

Perry Maughmer

And that means I've got to have the courage to change and I've got to be open to new data and opinions and facts. I've got to have a certain amount of objectivity around my own thought process. And above all, I have to have a willingness to not know. I have to have a willingness to not know the answer because when I do an experiment, I don't want to use confirmation bias just to do experiments and confirm what I already believe. What I want to do is I want to create experiments to find out something new. I want to be shocked, like I want to be surprised. And I have to have openness for that. Because when the experiment runs its course, I have to be okay. I have to have the courage to change. And this is where we get tripped up, because oftentimes we do have to exhibit different behaviors. Like I have to experiment with new ways of being. I have to experiment with new things to say. I have to experiment with different ways to react to people. If I truly want to change my behavior to get a different result. Right. Because if I keep behaving in the same way or saying the same things or engaging with people in the same way, that's going to end up with the same result.

Perry Maughmer

And most of the time the goal is those back to those be hags or those aspirational goals, those things that we like, those visions that we have for ourselves. And I and I realize that at one point I did talk about. You know the lack. Not a big fan of goals, as we say. But again, I'm experimenting and exploring and evolving as well. And I and I don't know that I'm using the term in the same way. I'm using it in a way that's more of a future vision for myself. That would be the goal that I'm talking about. How do I envision myself in the future? Because if there's something that I want, if there's something I want to achieve, if there's something I want to attain, if there's some thing I want to change for those that are close to me and that I care for, then I'm most likely going to have to be a different person. I'm going to have to show up in the world differently. At that point, I'm going to have to behave differently. I'm going to have to do something different. I'm going to have to develop different habits or skills, because if I don't, then nothing's going to change. And so I have to have that willingness and that courage to change. And then finally, once I get the results back from the experiment and I develop that courage to change, I have to have I have to have the integrity to do it in integrity very simply is I do what I say I'm going to do.

Perry Maughmer

And that's evolution. I'm doing it on purpose. Remember, I'm doing it. I'm evolving on purpose. On purpose, intentionally and on purpose. Meaning why I'm doing it on my purpose. And so I have to at that point, I have to reflect and learn. And those two things are different. And I have to reflect first before I learn. I have to look at the results of the experiment. And then I have to reflect on what does that mean to me? Is it moving me in the right direction? Can I do this? If I did try something, if I experimented with some new behavior, what happened? And then once I reflect on it, I learn from it. Then I repeat the cycle. I go back to explore again because our future self is always iterating. It's always something new, like we're never we're never static. And by the way, evolution is not pain free. It's not painless, not supposed to be. And it's really why so many people actively refuse to do it. It's there is a heavy cost to to evolving as a human. To evolving into that person you were meant to be. And that can be in dollars and emotions and time and relationships.

Perry Maughmer

And then there's the whole thing around the you know, there's something called a consistency principle, which is one of the challenges we have as humans is we don't want to appear inconsistent. And that's a real struggle for us because we believe certain things we say certain things we act in a certain way, and then we realize at some point that this isn't serving us. So we want to do it differently, but then we struggle with consistency. Well, then if I believe this before and I say I don't believe it now, what's that mean about me or the other side? That's a sunk cost fallacy. I've already invested this much, I've done this. And now if I've done that and I've spent all that time and money or built those relationships or whatever that might be, do I really want to change it? And I can only speak from my own experience, and the experience of those that I see is it's a tough one. Like you do want to be consistent. It's hard. I mean, think about it. Think about somebody that you know, and they suddenly they used to say, I believed X and now they believe Y. What, happens with that? You know, we hold people accountable. We call them. They waffled. You know, they've gone from one point to another. You kind of blowing around in the wind. You're kind of.

Perry Maughmer

Well, not really. Maybe I learned something new. I mean, there's this great quote by Maya Angelou, and I'm going to butcher it, but it's essentially do the best you can until you know better. And once you know better, do better. That's what all of us should aspire to do. Once we know better, do better. And if we're actively exploring and experimenting, then we're going to find ways to to know better. And if we do no better than we should do better, we should do better by ourselves. We should do better by those we care about. We should do better by the folks around us. And so I'd ask you, you know, there is a cost to evolving. And I said dollars, emotions, relationships, time, all of those could be any or all of those. So there is a cost to this. But the opposite side of that is what's the cost to not evolving? In. And it can't be. Evolution cannot be achieved unless it costs you something. I heard and I attribute this or I kind of look at a correlation of this as I was. I forget where I heard it the other day. I was listening to something and they said, You know, your values aren't your values until they cost you something. And I think that's pretty accurate. It's easy to maintain a point of view and values and opinion as long as it doesn't cost you anything.

Perry Maughmer

Well, evolution costs. It costs you something. As it should cost you time, money, effort, emotions, whatever those things might be, it is going to cost you. But what's the alternative? You stay where you are. I don't know about you, but I don't know of many organizations or people that I work with who tell me, hey, we're satisfied right now. We need to make no changes. We're winning. Like we got it figured out. We can just coast now. Said no one ever. And so the reality of that becomes, what am I doing? What am I willing to do? And that's why I believe humility and courage and integrity play a huge part in this. I have to have the humility of not knowing. I have to have the humility of being open to the universe. I have to have humility to be taught. And then I have to have the courage to act differently. I have to have the courage to experiment with these things that I've explored. What if I said this instead of that? What if I tried this approach with these people to get a different response, to make it better for everybody? And then do I have the integrity to carry that through? If I make it public that I'm going to do this, will I live up to it? Well, I have. Will I just live up to my own expectations? And so this is I don't view this as a negative.

Perry Maughmer

I view it all as a very positive experience. It's really about exploring and experiment and evolving, aligned with humility and courage and integrity. And if I have that framework for myself. Can I do the things I want to do? Can I evolve on purpose? Which I think we all can now? Not that we're all going to because it's, again, hard work. It is exceptionally hard work. The work. And it's hard because there's an emotional attachment. It's hard because we have to make ourselves do what we say we're going to do. And that's tough. I think change in behavior is probably the hardest thing any human will ever do. So why so few do it? But it can be done and however you want to go about it. Start small. Start small and figure out what are the things that are sustainable and scalable for me. What can I do over a long period of time? What am I willing to do? What am I willing to hold myself accountable for? And going back to the goal piece, there has to be a driving force, a driving vision of that future self. And that future self is really about how it plays out for everybody. Typically, the back to the transcendence goal that I told you about, I want to I want to transcend myself and be something different for those I care about.

Perry Maughmer

I want to be somebody different. Not better, not worse, just different. I want to evolve. As a person. To serve people better. It's really. I'll leave you with this. It's a personal example, but it's the best I can give you. Um, some. Some time ago, my wife and I were talking and we were talking about just the way we interact with each other. And, and I told her, I said, I'm going to I'm working on that. Like, I'm working to change, actively change that. And and she said to me, she goes, Well, I don't want you to change for me. I don't want you to think you have to change for me. And I said, I'm not changing for you. I'm changing for me to be a better me. Because the feedback you give me and the things you say about how it makes you feel is not the person I want to be. I don't want to be a person that makes other people feel like that. That's not who I envision myself. And part of this essentially is just trying to live up to who we envision ourselves being. If you really think about who you want to be and who you who you envision yourself being in this world, what you're capable of, it's really that's what you're holding out for.

Perry Maughmer

How does that future self behave? How does the person that achieves the things that you want to achieve behave and then moving in that direction, moving in a forward direction? There's going to be starts and stops and there's going to be two steps back and five steps forward. There's going to be all those things. It's not about perfection. It's about progress. It's just consistently moving forward. Consistently striving to be the person you envision yourself to be. So step one, figure that figure that person out. And that's always iterative, too. And then explore, experiment, evolve. Go out and have some humility about yourself. Take. Take the effort very seriously. Just don't take yourself seriously. Then have the courage to try new things because they're going to fail initially and it's going to feel awkward or clunky or whatever you want to call it. It's not going to be fun. It'll be meaningful. It's not going to be fun. And then have the integrity. To reflect and learn and start the process over again. I'll leave you with that as as always, I appreciate you listening in and I hope that you move forward. I hope that you figure out who you want to be in this world and move towards that. And in the meantime, as you do that, take care of yourself, take care of each other, and I'll see you back in the lab real soon.