If you are experiencing feelings of shame, or guilt associated with past sexual events considered to be or labelled as traumatic then Dr Demartini offers an alternative way of perceiving these events to help you dissolve the source of those lingering polarized feelings and beliefs.
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Sometimes the things you feel ashamed
about, somebody's reminding you of it,
Speaker:and you're resenting them for doing
the thing you're feeling ashamed about.
Speaker:And the shame is basically an injected
value of some moral tradition that you
Speaker:may have subordinated to
without ever questioning.
Speaker:And then you get trapped in that,
Speaker:and then you're judging other people
because you're judging yourself.
Speaker:Well, today's topic is going to
be quite interesting.
today's going to be about
breaking free of sexual shame.
Speaker:You'd be surprised how many people walk
around with shame about being a human
Speaker:being.
Speaker:Primarily because of indoctrination
from some sort of a usually religious
Speaker:organization,
Speaker:but could be from just
parental instruction.
Speaker:But usually that comes from
religious organizations.
Speaker:It's biological and normal to have
desires for sexual expression,
In fact, if we don't have
that, we don't have a species.
Speaker:So it's basically necessary for
us to procreate the species.
Speaker:But we've associated all kinds
of interesting associations with
Speaker:sexuality and put all kind of
moral structures around it.
Speaker:As I've traveled around the world,
Speaker:I've seen different moral
structures around it.
Speaker:And that can make it where people
actually can build prides or
Speaker:shames around a biological
system that may not require that.
Speaker:I've seen people,
Speaker:I had a lady that was in my seminar
many years ago who was attending
Speaker:with a group of about 25
people. It was a workshop.
Speaker:And she basically was ashamed about
Speaker:participating in sexuality with herself.
I guess. And she was feeling
all kinds of, you know,
Speaker:turmoil about the idea and was
afraid to even talk about it.
Speaker:And I just asked the group, I said,
Speaker:how many of you have had your hands
locate your genital somewhere along your
Speaker:journey and have experienced
sexual interaction with yourself?
Speaker:And all the hands went up except hers.
Speaker:And she was feeling shame and
guilt about it. And I said,
Speaker:did somehow you indoctrinate the idea
that somehow thou shalt not do that?
Speaker:And she says, yeah, I was raised with
the idea that thou shalt not do that.
Speaker:And I say, okay.
Speaker:Well either all of the rest
of the group here is bad
Speaker:but you're feeling shamed about it
because if you're feeling shamed about it,
Speaker:you're assuming that you did something
that went against that, you know,
Speaker:transgressed this idea. And yet everybody,
Speaker:and I don't think everybody
here is feeling shame about it.
Speaker:So somehow you've indoctrinated yourself
into an idealism that's not obtainable.
Speaker:You know,
Speaker:the Buddha said the desire for that
which is unobtainable and the desire to
Speaker:avoid that which is unavoidable
is the source of human suffering.
Speaker:So this individual was
sitting there suffering,
Speaker:feeling guilty and shame over doing an
act that was pretty standard across the
Speaker:world, at least in my experience
asking groups of people.
Speaker:And I do that sometime, I just ask,
how many of you have done that?
Speaker:And pretty well all the hands go
up. And so I find that you know,
Speaker:most people don't have
a major issue about it,
Speaker:they don't have any charge about it,
Speaker:they may not necessarily
do it publicly
but they certainly participate in
some sort of a sexual interaction with
Speaker:themselves and not feeling shamed
about it. But some people are,
Speaker:and they've been indoctrinated by
somehow a moral construct that thou shalt
Speaker:not do that and that's evil and wrong
and depraved and all kind of things when
Speaker:it's a biological behavior.
There's a TED talk out there that
Speaker:actually shows somebody
masturbating in the womb
Speaker:before they're born. And it's an
interesting Ted talk. Now the question is,
Speaker:is biological reflex, is it
some sort of an intention?
Speaker:This is obviously a baby that's
pre-born before it's born,
Speaker:but it's biological at least, and it's
either a reflex or a need
But when I ask people when did they
first interact sex with themselves,
Speaker:and I ask groups,
Speaker:it can range anywhere from 4, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Speaker:I've seen it go up a
little older than that,
Speaker:but usually young kids are
involved in this. And so, you know,
Speaker:and they don't even know sometimes
it's right or wrong or good or bad,
Speaker:there's no moral construct there,
Speaker:they're just experiencing curiosity
and they sometimes they're bathing with
Speaker:their brothers and sisters and
they're curious and part of life.
Speaker:So my observation is that if
you sit there and slam somebody
Speaker:and somehow punish somebody for
doing something that's biological,
Speaker:that's probably going to have more of
a repercussion and a challenge in their
Speaker:life than if you just let them know
that that's life, that's behavior.
Speaker:I don't sit there and judge that. I don't,
you know, find that to be productive.
Speaker:In fact I've had the opportunity to
work with individuals who have been
Speaker:involved in the pedophilia industry.
Speaker:And I've found it quite interesting
that many of them had a history of being
Speaker:shamed and beaten for actually
masturbating when they
Speaker:were young. And it's quite interesting,
Speaker:there's a trauma associated
with a certain age,
Speaker:and I find that many of the times
they have the actual slamming and
Speaker:punishing, is,
Speaker:at the age that it happened to them is
usually the targeted age that they have
Speaker:in the pedophilia, which is interesting.
Speaker:So I'm not promoting pedophilia in anyway,
Speaker:but I'm just looking at what's
underneath it, what's going on,
Speaker:why is it $158 billion business out there?
Speaker:And I'm finding that there's
sometimes shame associated with
Speaker:the normal behavior of
sexuality in a child,
Speaker:and an adult for that matter.
Speaker:And I found out that when people are
actually older and they have have sexual
Speaker:interactions with themselves and they
know what is fulfilling to themselves
Speaker:they're able to experience and express
that with their mate and found that
Speaker:actually has advantages. To sit
there and hide it and shame.
Speaker:I had a couple that came to one
of my programs in, many years ago,
Speaker:and they'd been married 19 years
Speaker:and I had them write down, what
are the sexual desires, fantasies,
Speaker:objectives or whatever,
Speaker:and write down everything they've ever
done sexually that they've associated
Speaker:with sexuality, it's a
curious system. And then they,
Speaker:we all had a discussion
about it and shared it.
Speaker:And anything that felt taboo and
anything that felt shamed and guilty or
Speaker:whatever around it, when they got to
hear everybody else's, they go, oh,
Speaker:Because everybody else was doing these
same things and some people were taking
Speaker:notes and, oh, I'd like
to try that and do this.
Speaker:So it was an educational experience,
Speaker:but there was a couple there
that had been married 19 years.
Speaker:Both of them had the same fantasy.
Speaker:Both of them felt that they couldn't
share that with their mate because they
Speaker:felt, oh, what would people think about
me if I was to tell them I do this?
Speaker:And then they finally opened up right
there, and they both had the same fantasy,
Speaker:both desired the same thing, were both
were experiencing that on their own,
Speaker:but never wanted to do it with
each other until, of course,
Speaker:that night and that very night they
experienced something that they had been
Speaker:repressing for years. And there
was no shame or guilt after that.
Speaker:And they realized it was
liberating for them. And the room,
Speaker:when they found out everybody in
the room had participated in that,
Speaker:and they were like going,
Speaker:I can't believe that I bought into
some sort of indoctrination from
Speaker:somebody who had an idea about what
sexuality should or shouldn't be.
Speaker:And I'm not sure that that's
a healthy dynamic or not.
Speaker:I know there's an education process
in New York at one time that was,
Speaker:it had almost every imaginable
type of sexuality on the show,
Speaker:and it interviewed people that did all
these different things about sexuality.
Speaker:And my wife and I would
sometimes watch it.
Speaker:And we found some of it was hilarious
and some of it was off the wall and some
Speaker:of it we never thought of, but
it was an educational experience.
Speaker:And I realized, and I was
trying to as a human behavior,
Speaker:is trying to figure out what would drive
somebody to have that need and what
Speaker:would that come from? Is that a wound?
Is that a need? Is that a psychology?
Speaker:Is it a normal behavior? I was, I
was very educated by this process,
Speaker:and help me work with clients,
Speaker:because many people sit around
and feel shame about it.
Speaker:I'll share,
Speaker:I had an interesting case
recently where a gentleman
Speaker:contacted me and asked for
a consult. And he says,
Speaker:I really have difficulty
talking to certain people,
Speaker:even my own therapist
that I've been going to,
Speaker:I didn't want them to know what it was,
but I want to talk to a guy, not a girl.
Speaker:And he was basically feeling really
shamed about something he had done.
Speaker:And he basically, I said, what exactly
is it? If you want me to help you,
Speaker:tell me what it is. He says, well,
Speaker:I've actually looked at porn and
I masturbated to porn
And I said, well, from what I can see,
that's a pretty common thing. It's again,
Speaker:there's millions and millions of
people that are involved in doing that.
Speaker:So I didn't think that that
was anything outrageous.
Speaker:It didn't seem way off
the mark. And I said, so,
Speaker:but if you're feeling some sort of guilt
about it that means you're assuming
Speaker:that, because in order to have guilt,
Speaker:you have to assume that you've caused
some pain without pleasure to somebody.
Speaker:I said, so who are you
feeling guilty about?
Speaker:You feeling guilt relative to your wife?
Speaker:You feeling guilt relative to
your parents? Guilt, I mean,
Speaker:relative to what? The person you're
watching on the porn site or whatever,
Speaker:where's the guilt associated with it?
And he was religious and he said, well,
Speaker:the guilt is in, because God's
watching over
so what you're saying is that you're
feeling guilty because you feel that God's
Speaker:watched you do this? He
says, yeah. And I said, well,
Speaker:if God's watching you do this is
that saying that God's watching porn
Speaker:just looked at that, he goes,
Speaker:never thought about it
that way. And I said, well,
Speaker:sounds like if you are sitting there
watching this and doing this and then
Speaker:somebody's watching it and you think
that this is God's watching it,
Speaker:you've created in your mind some
anthropomorphic deity that's doing
Speaker:the very thing that you're saying that
you're doing, which I thought was funny.
Speaker:And he started to chuckle and he goes,
I never thought about it in that term.
Speaker:He says, it is. I said, well,
you know, from my observation,
Speaker:it's pretty standard procedure.
People have done that.
Speaker:I think there's advantages
and disadvantages.
Speaker:I know some people that are in
their marriage and relationship,
Speaker:they have different levels of libido.
Speaker:And so sometimes that libido
is low in maybe a spouse,
Speaker:and they need more activity
than the spouse does.
Speaker:Or maybe there's been miscommunications
and they have not communicated each
Speaker:other's values and there's
been a shutdown of sexuality.
Speaker:And sometimes a person isn't
looking for an outlet. Well,
Speaker:they've got a number of options, they
can go to, you know, and have an affair,
Speaker:they can go out and have a prostitute,
they can go out and have a, you know,
Speaker:maybe somebody that masturbate,
Speaker:or maybe they can put sublimate it and
put it into creativity or maybe they can
Speaker:learn how to communicate more
effectively and turn on their spouse.
Speaker:There's a number of ways of
expressing that sexual energy.
Speaker:And sometimes masturbation is a more
efficient way because it's efficient in
Speaker:time and you know what to do and it's,
Speaker:and you get back to your work and go
on about your life. And so these are,
Speaker:that distracts you from
having to have affairs,
Speaker:which can undermine family
dynamics. And it can also be less,
Speaker:you know, challenging than having
prostitution or something. So you know,
Speaker:this is a process of life. I think
that it has benefits and has drawbacks.
Speaker:It can be a distraction from a
marriage. It can also be enhancing.
Speaker:I've seen some people that are
having sexuality working with them,
Speaker:and they both are involved in their own
masturbation while with each other and
Speaker:they add to the experience.
Speaker:So I don't find it productive to
label it good or bad or you know,
Speaker:right or wrong. I try to put the context,
see what's involved in the context,
Speaker:and then try to assist people in showing
both sides of it so they can make an
Speaker:informed decision on it.
Speaker:But a lot of people sit around and they've
been indoctrinated by some idea that
Speaker:there's some sort of a moral devaluation
or whatever and I find that that can
Speaker:actually mislead people and
take a biological system.
Speaker:There's a great little video online that
you can get. It says, priest says no,
Speaker:hell,
Speaker:and it's a Catholic I guess
scholar or Catholic priest that's
Speaker:basically asking about
the control business.
Speaker:And he was talking about his own religion,
Speaker:he was talking about that religion
is in the control business and the
Speaker:guilt producing control business.
Speaker:And basically says as long
as it's promoting something
that everybody does and
Speaker:makes a moral idea out of it, makes
a moral hypocrisy out of it and says,
Speaker:this is good and this is bad,
Speaker:it kind of has control over the people
because then they feel ashamed and then
Speaker:they're going to look for
salvation or whatever.
Speaker:And so it's a guilt
producing control tactic.
Speaker:And many times we get trapped in that
instead of understanding the normal
Speaker:behavior and biological
needs of human beings.
Speaker:So I'm not going to label it good or bad.
Speaker:I'm not going to make it something
you, you know, to promote or demote.
Speaker:I'm just saying that it's biological
and it's there and part of life.
Speaker:And I certainly am not going to,
Speaker:I find that if you slam some child
for it, there's a repercussion.
Speaker:I had a woman that, there
was an interesting lady.
Speaker:We had a lady in Perth,
Speaker:Australia with her daughter
in the Breakthrough Experience
program that I teach
Speaker:where I help people break
through all this emotional stuff,
Speaker:all the shame and guilt that
they're carrying around,
Speaker:sometimes around sexuality.
Speaker:And what was happening is the
mother did not have the libido
Speaker:that the father did.
Speaker:The father was masturbating to
porn and things and magazine porns
Speaker:at the time. This is back before
internet, I guess. And the son,
Speaker:the mother caught the son doing the same.
Well, when she saw the son doing it,
Speaker:she was basically you know,
Speaker:very aggressive and mean to the son and
basically punished him and literally
Speaker:beat him. She just went after this kid.
Speaker:And I found that that was exactly what,
when he started getting beaten by that,
Speaker:the age he got beaten, when
his sister reached that age,
Speaker:he ended up interacting with her.
Speaker:And there was an ancestral dynamic because
of the repression of sexuality in the
Speaker:family, it got expressed in the children.
Speaker:And so the son started having sex
with the daughter, well his sister,
Speaker:the mother's daughter, at
the age that he got beaten.
Speaker:I find this pattern very commonly.
Speaker:So I find it's not a wise thing to be
sitting there and punishing somebody
Speaker:over a biological act that you
probably have done yourself. You know,
Speaker:wise to look at yourself. And when
you're pointing your finger at somebody,
Speaker:point them back. I think it was in
Romans 2-1 in the New Testament, it says,
Speaker:beware of judging other people
for you do the same thing.
Speaker:And it's wise to reflect.
Because sometimes the things
you feel ashamed about,
Speaker:somebody's reminding you of it and
you're resenting them for doing the thing
Speaker:you're feeling ashamed about.
Speaker:And the shame is basically an injected
value of some moral tradition that you
Speaker:may have subordinated to
without ever questioning.
Speaker:And then you get trapped in that,
Speaker:and then you're judging other people
because you're judging yourself.
Speaker:Better to go in there and find out
how whatever you've done has served.
Speaker:Because I take people who have
been caught in that and I go, okay,
Speaker:what did you do? And how did it
benefit? In fact, I had a lady,
Speaker:it was interesting,
Speaker:there was a lady that
had been incested by a
Speaker:stepfather for six years.
And I asked her, I said,
Speaker:so she was in the Breakthrough Experience
Program and she brought this up.
Speaker:About one out of four women in the world
have gone through this, by the way.
Speaker:And so in the process of doing
that she was saying that,
Speaker:and I asked her a simple question. I
said, did you scream? Did you yell?
Speaker:Did you fight? Did you bite?
Speaker:Did you go to the police or did
you go to your parents or whatever?
Speaker:And she goes, no. I said,
Speaker:so you went on and had sexual interactions
with this stepfather for six years.
Speaker:And I said,
Speaker:so you must have had more advantage
than disadvantage out of doing that,
Speaker:or you would've done something
else. So she said, well, I said,
Speaker:so what was the advantage you
got out of staying doing that?
Speaker:And she finally opened up.
Speaker:At first she was sort of repressed and
tried to pretend she didn't have memories
Speaker:of things and all that, which I see
very commonly when you have shame,
Speaker:I always say, shame and
guilt can block memory.
Speaker:And so we asked her and
they found out this,
Speaker:they found out that her father
left her when she was very young.
Speaker:When the father left, the mother
Speaker:had to go and barely get by and she had
to take on two jobs and she didn't make
Speaker:but almost minimum wage. The
daughter didn't have clothes,
Speaker:the daughter didn't have transportation,
the daughter had didn't have thing
Speaker:and she was suicidal almost
during this period, the daughter,
Speaker:because the mother barely could pay bills
and barely keep food on the table and
Speaker:had no way of even taking her to school
and had no way of getting her to do
Speaker:other things and so her
life was sort of miserable.
Speaker:And then the stepfather came in, her
new boyfriend came in and they married.
Speaker:And then all of a sudden that she had
clothes and food and transportation and
Speaker:all the things she wanted. And she
didn't want a father to leave again.
Speaker:And so the mothers the only control,
Speaker:she was sort of disempowered
and she didn't have a lot going,
Speaker:didn't have a lot of education, didn't
have a business, didn't have this.
Speaker:So the mothers only control over the
guy was sex. So she would shut it down.
Speaker:And then the daughter and the
stepfather, that became the outlet.
Speaker:And so in the process of doing that she
didn't want to lose the father, again,
Speaker:because of what was going on.
Speaker:And she didn't want to see the
mother have to work so hard,
Speaker:and she didn't want to be
trapped without things.
Speaker:So she finally admitted that I had more
advantage keeping the family together
Speaker:and doing that.
Speaker:And the advantages of that in my mind
were greater than the disadvantages,
Speaker:even though I would rather
not have that happen.
Speaker:And I didn't like the guy
for having to do that.
Speaker:And she did that until she reached an
age where she was able to be on her own
Speaker:independent. And when she felt her
mother had gotten enough of an education,
Speaker:because she went back to school when
she had the money from the stepfather to
Speaker:get enough education to survive.
Speaker:So the moment the mother could survive
and she was able to be on her own,
Speaker:it was over with.
Speaker:So she saw it as a strategy in order
to survive with more advantages than
Speaker:disadvantage.
Speaker:No one continues to do something
unless they get more advantage than
Speaker:disadvantages. So she was
feeling kind of guilty,
Speaker:angry and shamed until we
got it all out. And I said,
Speaker:I asked her to say to this to herself,
no matter what I've done or not done,
Speaker:I'm worthy of love. And I made her
say that. And she started crying.
Speaker:And then she finally realized that
she did it consciously, as a strategy,
Speaker:for the benefit of her family, benefit
of her mom, benefit of her own, you know,
Speaker:advantages and to not lose another
father. And it was interesting,
Speaker:the moment she ended up
meeting a guy who was older,
Speaker:who was a new father figure
that she started dating,
Speaker:she reached a certain age where she was
autonomous and her mom had finished her
Speaker:schooling, it was over and she
was out, and she went on her way.
Speaker:So she used it as a strategy.
Speaker:So before we jump to conclusion and put
absolutes around different behaviors,
Speaker:as a human behavioral specialist,
Speaker:I try to find out what's going down in
the family dynamic and what's going on in
Speaker:their life. Because people have,
Speaker:they continue to do things if they
get more advantage than disadvantage,
Speaker:even though they may say, oh,
I don't want this happening,
Speaker:I find that there's an underlying
unconscious motive sometimes.
Speaker:And when we find that it's opening.
Now I'm not saying that all people,
Speaker:because you might have somebody
that's aggressively tied and roped,
Speaker:I had a case where somebody was tied
in a basement for 11 years and beaten,
Speaker:I mean, it was a sex
slavery kind of thing.
Speaker:That was a totally different type of case,
but I take each case differently. So,
Speaker:if you're in a situation where you're,
Speaker:maybe you've had sexuality with somebody
and maybe you had a boyfriend that you
Speaker:were young,
Speaker:you didn't want anybody to know about
and you had sex with and you felt that
Speaker:would be shamed of whatever, my
advice is to sit there, it done,
Speaker:so sitting there and carrying shame and
guilt about it the rest of your life
Speaker:doesn't make sense. So I
would ask, who are you,
Speaker:if you're feeling shame and guilt
about it, who are you affecting,
Speaker:who do you think it's
negatively affecting?
Speaker:And find out how it's actually serving.
Speaker:And what you do is you'll find
out there's two sides to things.
Speaker:There's advantages and disadvantages
to every action. You know,
Speaker:what's interesting is things that
we label terrible or you know,
Speaker:evil in the world many times,
if it was really that way,
Speaker:it would've gone extinct. If it
didn't somehow serve human beings,
Speaker:it would've gone extinct.
And I find that very shallow,
Speaker:I find it much more productive to go
and say, okay, so this has happened,
Speaker:it's not necessarily my first
choice. How is it now serving me?
Speaker:How is it serving other
people? And move forward.
Speaker:When you're able to take things and find
out how it's a benefit to others and
Speaker:yourself, and balance out the equation
and find the benefits to the drawbacks,
Speaker:instead of carrying
around shame and guilt,
Speaker:you are now resourceful and you use it
as a lesson and a learning process and
Speaker:move forward in life. Every weekend
in the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:I have people who feel guilty,
they resent somebody for something,
Speaker:they find out where they've
done the same thing.
Speaker:They then we show them how to dissolve
the resentment by finding the benefits of
Speaker:it.
Speaker:And we find out how to dissolve their
shame and guilt by finding the benefits to
Speaker:the people they're involved with it and
how they assisted other people in the
Speaker:process. And then they go around,
Speaker:I've been carrying around
shame and guilt over this
Speaker:for decades and it's not even necessary.
It was an incomplete awareness.
Speaker:I always say when you have, you
know, emotions, extreme emotions,
Speaker:you have incomplete awareness. When
you have love and appreciation,
Speaker:you have complete awareness.
Speaker:That's why I tell people to come
to the Breakthrough Experience,
Speaker:because the Breakthrough Experience I
have a series of questions that can help
Speaker:people dissolve unnecessary
shames and guilts and prides and
Speaker:resentments and infatuations and things
that distract you from the outside world
Speaker:that disempower them. Because anything
you infatuate with in others or yourself,
Speaker:anything you resent in others or yourself
is going to occupy space and time in
Speaker:your mind. It's going to run your life.
Speaker:And it's going to be
intrusive and distract you,
consciously or unconsciously,
Speaker:and it's going to create impulses
and instincts and associations that
Speaker:are going to end up keep regurgitating
in your life and reverberating in your
Speaker:life until you finally bring
them back into balance.
Speaker:So that's why in the Breakthrough
Experience I ask a series of questions to
Speaker:balance out your perceptions of these
so you don't carry around the prides and
Speaker:shames. Because the pride
is an inauthentic self.
Speaker:The shame is an inauthentic self.
Speaker:The infatuation with others is inauthentic
on them because that's not who they
Speaker:are. And the resentment to
people is not who they are.
Speaker:So I bring those all back into balance
and get to see themselves and you and
Speaker:other people as they are.
Speaker:And the way they are is more magnificent
than the delusions that we put around
Speaker:them.
Speaker:So I find it less productive to sit
there and wallow in the shame and guilt.
Speaker:I'd rather find out how it
served and find the upside to it.
Speaker:Because otherwise you sit there and
carry around and you go around and self
Speaker:depreciate unnecessarily over something
that may be biologically normal.
Speaker:And you may have just subordinated to
some indoctrinated moral hypocrisy that
Speaker:built out of somebody that
didn't understand human
behavior and you're trapped.
Speaker:And I see this,
Speaker:particularly in highly religious
families and people that are high moral
Speaker:absolutist. I find that that's
less resourceful, more fundamental,
Speaker:and less resourceful.
Speaker:Anytime you label something
extremely positive without negative,
Speaker:you're going to fear the loss of it.
Speaker:Anytime you label something extremely
negative and evil without benefits,
Speaker:you're going to feel the gain of it.
Speaker:You're going to live your life in
fear with these absolute labels,
Speaker:instead of seeing some sort of relativity.
Speaker:Situational ethics and the study of
morality is a murky game because,
Speaker:you know, some one
culture in South Africa,
Speaker:the former president had nine wives
and that was honored in their culture.
Speaker:And in America, if you had
nine wives, you go to prison.
Speaker:So here's two different belief systems
around the world. And Montaigne,
Speaker:the philosopher traveled around the world
and showed that there's no universal
Speaker:belief systems out there.
Speaker:So watch out for subordinating to a local
belief system that may or may not be
Speaker:really universally sound.
Speaker:And then it may just be some
dogma that's not really rational,
Speaker:that hasn't been thought through and
you've basically subordinated to it,
Speaker:instead of actually confronting
it and balancing out the equation,
Speaker:and being resourceful. When you see
both sides you have more resilience,
Speaker:more adaptability, less prides and
shames, less pointing of the fingers,
Speaker:and more love for yourself.
Speaker:And that's why I teach people the
Breakthrough Experience and want people to
Speaker:come to that because it liberates people
from a whole lot of baggage that's
Speaker:weighing them down and lightens them up
and liberates them to get on with their
Speaker:life. And there's absolutely
no reason to do it.
Speaker:I always say that there's nothing your
mortal body can experience that your
Speaker:immortal soul can't love.
Speaker:Your immortal soul is basically the
part of you that's timeless mind,
Speaker:ageless body, that's in a
state of love and appreciation.
Speaker:And we have access to that.
Speaker:I have yet to see anything in
the Breakthrough Experience
that people brought me
Speaker:and come to the program with that we
can't help them see both sides of and
Speaker:return it to love. And I believe that
love's still one of the greatest healers.
Speaker:So if you're walking around with shame
or guilt about some sort of sexual thing
Speaker:just know that if you want to
do that and continue that, fine,
Speaker:but don't gripe about it, bitch about it,
Speaker:because there is a solution and you can
neutralize that and you can get on with
Speaker:your life.
Speaker:And I just wanted to share this little
presentation here just in case you may be
Speaker:trapped in that, because
it's not necessary.
Speaker:And you can find out the
other side of the equation.
Speaker:Anytime you have a strong emotion,
you're only seeing a side.
Speaker:When you see both sides
simultaneously, you get to love again.
Speaker:Love is the balance of opposites.
Speaker:And so you might as well
learn to love yourself.
Speaker:Everybody wants to be loved for yourself
and there's no reason why you can't.
Speaker:So if you're carrying around something
you're afraid to share and you're afraid
Speaker:people will judge you and all
that, that's you judging you,
Speaker:and you're sitting there subordinating
unnecessarily to probably a dogma that's
Speaker:not necessarily sound. Human beings
are sexual creatures and they're,
Speaker:you know, we're here to have
sexuality in moderation, wisely,
Speaker:for procreation and for other
purposes and so, you know,
Speaker:get grounded in that.
Speaker:Don't get caught in some delusionary
fantasy or nightmare about it.
Speaker:Don't go to one extreme or the other.
Speaker:Anytime you go to an extreme one side or
the other, you probably are off track,
Speaker:and it's trying to guide you.
Speaker:The symptoms of your physiology and
psychology are trying to get you back to
Speaker:learn to love and appreciate your
authentic self. So that's my presentation.
Speaker:Please consider coming to
the Breakthrough Experience.
Speaker:The Breakthrough Experience is where I've
helped thousands of people do exactly
Speaker:that, liberate themselves from a lot of
baggage unnecessarily that they've been
Speaker:storing because of subordinating to some
outside authority that may or may not
Speaker:even be sound. So see you next time.
Speaker:Thank for being with me today and
hopefully see you at the Breakthrough
Speaker:Experience.