13. Are You Willing to Risk What You Have for What You Want?

(: 00:00

It starts with your conviction of this isn't enough, and the question I pose is, are you willing to risk what you have for the possibility of what you want? You willing to risk what you have? The friends with benefits or just the possibility? No guarantees the possibility of something that's going to be long-term, serious. C, committed relationship, marriage, whatever your goal is. This is Bob Grant from Relationship Headquarters and you're listening to Relationship Headquarters Podcast where I talk to women who want to grow and experience the intimate relationship they've always wanted. Hello, this is Bob Grant from Relationship Headquarters and today we're going to do you ask, I answer this, will we take our questions from those that are in our newsletter and those in our private Facebook group, women Meador and I give you practical, tangible suggestions even if it doesn't totally answer the question, the goal is to at least point a certain direction.

(: 00:57

As always, if I can help out, reach out to me or my staff, we'll see if we can step a 15 minute time just to see if we can be of assistance to you. Sorry, let's jump in with questions to begin with, first question is he asked me to give him time to himself. Is he done with me? So I would probably need to know a lot more about this, but sometimes when men ask for time, there may be other things going on. So if I'm talking to a woman and she says this, what I want to know is what else is going on in his life? What's going on with his job family, the other pressures, because he may just be overwhelmed because of stuff. One thing that always stands out to me when a woman's telling me this is she says this is going on.

(: 01:39

He lost his job last week or the ball said there was going to be cutbacks. Then she keeps talking and I always go, whoa, whoa, tell me about his job again. And she says he lost his job or something and my response is, so I don't know everything else is going on, but that's going to have a huge impact on it. So we want to take somewhat of an inventory, not that you have to pull out pen and paper, but if he wants time for himself, if I'm talking to you, the thing I'm asking is tell me about the last two weeks. What's going on in the last two weeks? Have y'all been arguing, disagreeing? Does it seem like in his eyes he can't win? Is this a pattern and beyond that, if you've known him for a while, his past relationships, there's lots of questions.

(: 02:23

So is he done with me? Usually what I would do is I would give it a certain amount of time depending on your situation. If you've been dating steadily for months and he wants time for himself, I would ask, what does that mean? Is that a day? Is that a couple weeks? And at some point when it's beyond whatever's acceptable for you, one day, two days, whatever, then I would just reach out and say, I'm not sure if you're upset or what's up. So I thought I'd ask. See, it's vulnerable to do that, but what I found is if you just wait and let him figure it out himself, you could be waiting for days. You be waiting for a week or so and it'll drive you crazy. And so rather than that, I would just ask upfront and I would find out. So let's go to the next one.

(: 03:10

He has apologized and taken ownership. He told me he loves me, but we should go separate ways. I'm not texting him, so I guess don't text him. I think what you mean is should I be chasing him because he loves me, but we should go our separate ways. So in fairness to you, so I don't know him, but some of that's kind of crummy. You don't tell a woman you love her but that we should be a part. Usually that's a way to try to reassure her in some way or to act like you don't hate or whatever. It's going to hurt no matter what. We should go our separate ways. I don't see a future for us. I mean that's hard to hear, but if that's how he's feeling, that's what I'd want him to say. So he still loves me. We should go our separate ways.

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If you haven't gotten our get Him back program, I would recommend that because I don't know if he knows what to do with you. Normally men don't quite give that kind of mixed message and then we want to wait the next couple of months or so and see what he does with it. Sometimes men get spooked and I'm not saying it's mature, I'm not saying it's the best and once they calm down they realize what it is they're losing in you. They come back sometimes they're just gone, but that's a way to help out. So I'd suggest that if you don't, but all things being equal, he says he doesn't love you and you're going your separate ways, then it sounds like that's resolved. But good luck. He loves me, but his 16-year-old daughter thinks I want to ruin her life. Her mother would love any excuse to get custody. He decided to break up with me even though he says he loves me. Is there anything to get him to fight for our relationship?

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So that's tough, especially because there's a child involved and not so much just because there's a child and we don't want to hurt children. It's because what a child does as far as the pull a child has on the father. So a couple of questions and you can't answer them now realize it. So if I'm talking to you, I'm asking why does this 16-year-old daughter think you want to ruin her life? I know there's a backstory to that. I'm not saying that you've done stuff. I don't know if that's just her mom's doing this. I want to know about that and depending on the girl, I mean children, daughters, they don't want the divorce. I mean you know that, but I'll say that they don't want the divorce as far as they're concerned, you are crashing the party and that's anyone that parents starts dating after divorce.

(: 05:33

I've read this, I haven't seen a lot of data on it. I'm sure there is, but the children hold onto this secret wish that somehow the parents would get back together that would bear true with at least what I've seen. They don't say it and they accept it, but you can tell as the parents start to move farther and farther away and have their own life, it feels to the child like they're wished on and they're getting stretched and stretched and the tendency is for people to say to them, are you used to it yet? Yeah, my parents got divorced too and they have to learn how to live with a shell. So keeping that in mind, I'm not excusing if the daughter's being poorly behaved. Is that the right way to say it? If she's being rude, ultimately it comes down to him though.

(: 06:17

If his daughter is going to be in charge of his dating life, I don't know that there's anything you can do. We don't know that just yet. Probably the best thing is letting him go and then seeing what it's like without you. There's a reason he started dating. There was loneliness. Restlessness. Once the divorce occurs, there's all this chaos and it's overwhelming, but then it starts to subside and a man gets restless and he can focus on his job and his career, but there's a limit to how fulfilling that can be and it's awesome. It's wonderful having a great career that you love but beyond that you want someone to share with and by giving him that space, I know it's going to seem like you're just sitting on your hands, but remember his chasing his pursuing you. That's how a man bonds and as much as you might like to help him, you can reward him from his efforts, but you can't coax him into stuff because that's going to reinforce that he's weak.

(: 07:14

It's going to reinforce that he's pitiful. It's not your intention, your intentions to be helpful and I don't doubt it's hard. I won't pretend that I can tell you exactly. I know how it feels. I don't. The best chance I think you have is letting for that space to happen and then how you interact with him once he does reach out, because usually even with that, the man starts to miss and starts to fish and starts to maintain some contact because when he contacts you, he feels good and it feels relieving or whatever feelings you stir up in him. We don't want him to get those. We don't want to make his leaving easier. I'll have this same thing when I talk to married couples or the wife usually and the husband wants a divorce and she's worried that if she's mean or harsh, that's just going to reinforce why he wants to divorce and if she's mean and harsh, that is going to reinforce.

(: 08:02

But the other end of that is she wants to be nice and gracious and giving and I say let's don't do that. If you're doing that, you're taking his pain away, you're doing the stuff a wife with it and when you do that, you're making his divorce easier. I want him to feel and taste what it's like without you. I want him. If he doesn't want to be with you and he wants to keep the conflict at bay or he wants to not make his daughter mad and making stuff up, then we want him to taste that because it's not a fair choice. Ideally he would like everybody to get along, but I want him to realize can he live without you and we're not going to do that by convincing him or sharing or talking to him. We do that primarily by allowing your absence to work for you.

(: 08:46

I know that's going to sound risky, but I'm playing to win win anything else. Thank you for that. He refers to me as a special woman. Next question, how do I turn a friends with benefits? Plus there's some deeper feelings I believe there into something more sustainable and official, so that's tough too and it's tough for this reason if you're friends with benefits, however many pluses after that, the problem is that's like an agreement and so with that agreement he's assuming certain things that you both said or whatever y'all talked about it, we're going to sleep together but we're not going to be committed to each other. We're not going to rely on each other for an emotional connection. I'm being crass for seconds, just sex. I don't doubt there may be feelings there if it's repeated. I'm sure there's some feelings, there's something, but switching it is basically tearing up the contract.

(: 09:44

I know you didn't sign a contract. I know it wasn't official, you didn't have a meeting over lunch or something and hash out terms, but that's how men are going to see it is I get to have all the fun stuff without any of the commitment, without any of the buy-in and in essence what you're saying is I want to change the rules. Now I would agree with you. I think the rules need to be changed and this is not to be judgmental. Of course, what I wish you hadn't started this way, I do wish you hadn't started this way for your sake and for his. How do you change that? It starts with your conviction of this isn't enough and the question I pose is, are you willing to risk what you have for the possibility of what you want? Are we willing to risk what you have the friends with benefits for just the possibility?

(: 10:30

No guarantees the possibility of something that's going to be long-term, serious, committed relationship, marriage, whatever your goal is. Most of the time when I talk to someone they're like, I don't know if I want to risk this. And the problem when they're risking this is they're afraid of losing the little stuff they have and usually it has to get bad enough. The pain has to get bad enough. The loneliness has to get bad enough. The ache inside has to get bad enough and I don't wish this pain on anyone, but usually that's where someone, a woman I talk with has to get to that point where it's just even if I lose then this is unbearable. When you're there, then you have leverage because then he'll feel your conviction if you're not there and it's just, I would like it to be, his conviction is going to be stronger than yours.

(: 11:18

His conviction is this is working great. Why change it? I'm fine. You say, well, I'm not happy. Well I'm fine and you agree to this, you're going to go back on your word. So it gets to be a logical thing. Your conviction has the best chance for him to realize that the relationship has to grow or there is more relationship. Is it an ultimatum? Essentially it's going to be if you can't agree and it's not an ultimatum that he has to do anything, the ultimatum is more of this is what I can and can't do. A ultimatum is probably not the right word. Statement is probably a better word is I can do this or I can't do this. And you admit, I admit I'm changing the rules. I admit we agreed upon this. I know we talked about it, but I can't do this anymore and you're just transparent with it.

(: 12:03

I wouldn't go into all the whys and a lot of details because if you spend 20 or 30 minutes talking about the why, you're actually asking him to be a girlfriend, primarily what he's going to hear is the rules are being changed. He knows why he's a man. He knows why you're changing the rules and you can explain it because you explaining it is not going to make him go, oh, that makes perfect sense. You are right. Let's be committed. There is no explanation, there's no words are going to get him to that. This is allowing him to realize that he runs the risk of losing it. And I'm not saying this is comfortable, but the painful thing is going to be for you to see is he even capable of what you want? Is he capable? Is he willing? I've had one client, she was going out with someone he was not capable of a commitment mainly because he didn't want one, not just with her.

(: 12:55

He liked playing around and it took her about a year to realize he wasn't going to commit because the hope was he'll commit to me. He might not commit to other women, but they're not me. She didn't say it that way, but that was the hope why she would stick around. It took her a while to realize that the pain was so bad I can't keep being taken for granted by him. So I know that's a tough answer, but it's an honest one. If I can help, let me know. See our next question. He takes me to dinner and lunch and he takes me a lot, but he feels like he doesn't have time for me, it's more of a statement. I think what you mean is it does take you to dinner, lunch, he does text but you rarely get to see him. You don't only get to see him as much as you want.

(: 13:37

What you're saying is probably the best argument I have for why I like rotational dating that I got from Sammy Wonder all acknowledgements. And I still remember when she told me about this, my first response was, you're kidding. You have women actually do this and rotational dating is where you date multiple men. You don't date a man until he commits. And my version first has changed is when he proposes, which sounds unbelievable. It sounds ridiculous, but it happens because otherwise if you commit before he's that serious, you're basically waiting for him to make up his mind. Don't mean to be blunt, but I don't like women waiting for men to make up their mind. So if you were dating multiple men, and again dating just means going out with doesn't mean sleeping with them. I beg you, no, doesn't mean you have to kiss 'em all.

(: 14:29

Doesn't mean that it really is. In our philosophy relationship headquarters, my staff's heard me say this enough times, may the best man win. It's not arrogant. You get to pick one, you only get to keep one and then you're going to give your heart to him. Let's be a little selective. It doesn't have to be perfect every category, but he has to be perfect for you. So if he doesn't feel like he has time, the problem is men make time for what's important to him, which doesn't mean you are not an important person and maybe you're not important to him. Maybe he doesn't want to set aside time for anyone. I know some men or have known some men, they were so busy and what they did with their work that they were so focused on work that they would take breaks to have a date and then go back to work in breaks.

(: 15:20

That wasn't so much a sign of the woman as much as it was the man and the guy's working 75 hours a week. I don't know that he really has time to develop a relationship. I mean he wants to, but he wants it to fit in. And that's hard to do with a woman who needs nurturing, who needs watering for lack of a better way to put it. And that's not a put down that the nurturing care a woman requires for her to glow. It's just what she needs. Just like a flower needs sunlight, water and men that think that, well I'll just big ticket this thing, do something really extravagant or big and they forget the ingredient of time struggle or the women they go out with are the ones that will accept crumbs. They can be expensive crumbs but still crumbs. So if he doesn't have time for you, my suggestion is if you're not rotational dating, do that.

(: 16:10

Which means you go out with multiple men. I know you don't want to, I know you want to just settle down one person, but what I'm after is not committing too quickly to a man. I want the best man for you to win you over. It's a little tedious. This is different than dating in high school. Remember high school, let's get a boyfriend. He's cool, he's my guy. We're not going to marry him. So I can think like that. I can do fantasy stuff. This is grownup stuff. So if you rotational date, it's not meant to be fun so much all the time, as much it's supposed to be wise. Part of the wisdom part is you selecting wisely this time. And so if he doesn't have time and you're busy with other men, then when he wants time, what happens is there's going to be some times you're busy and it's an honest thing to say, I would love to but I'm sorry I've already made plans.

(: 16:56

Maybe we can try another time. I want him to have whiff or a sniff of some competition. I wouldn't try to fake it. That works awful. I've had folks, women try to do that. It's just be authentic and genuine. And remember if I'm walking with you and we're talking, I'm saying to you, remember the promise we made the best man win. Okay? Don't help men let, don't make it too easy on 'em. Don't be accommodating. Let's don't do that. I'm not saying be snobbish. I'm not saying be a witch, but I'm saying let's don't be too available too soon. Good luck with him. Next question is he tapped the brakes on our relationship and is uncertain. I'm getting a theme here today. What is the good way to handle this? So if you've gone through the bonding stages program, this would be stage three and it's more common than women realize.

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And so we've got five stages and the third stage is the stage of disillusionment. Now sometimes a relationship starts off and it's just not a good fit. We go on one or two dates, he's really loud and he's as loud on the third day as he was on the first I thought maybe he was nervous and I just grates on your nerves and you realize he's probably not for me. Sometimes you go through a few dates and you realize his values are different than yours or his personality is not a good fit. Stuff happens early on, but when it starts to go well and there's no obvious red flags or something, and men build up this heat of passion, which is pretty normal. Early on she said Yes, I can't believe she said yes. And we went out and she laughs at my jokes. She thinks I'm funny.

(: 18:30

She looks at me with her eyes full attention and that dress, oh my gosh, that dress, she wears that stuff, she's feeling that and he's running on pure adrenaline. At some point there's going to be a crash. It can be a big crash, it can be a small crash, but there's an adjustment is that adrenaline seeps down or slows down and without that adrenaline now it becomes more normalized. Now she's not perfect. It's not that you ever were perfect, but now he realizes you're not perfect and now maybe you don't laugh at all the jokes as quickly. You're not not a first state. So you're not trying hard. You're settling into more of who you are and you're getting to start to build a relationship as opposed to just make a good impression. And that drop and adrenaline that drop does cause doubts. Some men that are really adrenaline junkies, it must be intense.

(: 19:23

It must be certain, it must be positive, it must be awesome all the time. And if it's not, she's not the one for me, that one I hope you go through or lose as quick as possible. That's not going to be marriage material. He's exciting again, he's fun to take to the prom if you're in high school, he is fun to take to the company dinner once a year, as long as it's just that these great eye candy or he may be just fun, but he's not going to do well. If you gain five pounds, he's not going to do well. If your job, there's trouble with your work and you want someone to come home to and talk, he can promise solve with you, but he's not going to be a good listing year. He's not going to tolerate you being sick. I don't mean he'll be mean.

(: 20:05

He's just not going to be real patient. We want those that when they go through this period that you know how to handle it. It's not your job to totally guide him. But what we don't want to do is put pressure on him. Why are you doubting what's wrong? Because that just confirms to him, she's right, I shouldn't have any doubts, therefore we must not be a good fit. So if you haven't gotten the bonding stages, grab that and you go to relationship headquarters.com and a lot of women have done that, have used that sort of as a manual like where we're at and then when we going through that. So your question is how to handle this. I would get the program because more I can go into right now, but in general what we're after is no sudden moves. So as much as you'd like to be reassured, that's normal.

(: 20:50

If you ask him for that, the problem is he doesn't know how to reassure you. If a man's uncertain, there's two things. There's this nebulous feeling he's not sure and why am I feeling this? That's more the disillusion part or the second one is there's something he's avoiding. Now if there's a conversation you and he have had and it's about where are you going to live? Let's say you're long distance and you live here in Atlanta where I do and he lives in Dallas, you metal something side or you met on a business trip and it's gone well and you've got a career and he's got a career and y'all aren't sure whose career you're going to follow because both of your careers are pretty rigid. You have to stay in Atlanta to advance. He has to stay in Dallas to advance or maybe travel.

(: 21:32

And this is a question that's unresolved. Okay? If he's uncertain about your relationship, then that would be the first place I would look is in what resolution are you two going to have? Because part of him knows we're going to have to deal with this sooner or later. And that lack of clarity about big issues does cause doubts. It does cause me to second guess because we wonder if we can solve the problem. We wonder if she wants to solve the problem. I'm not saying it's your problem, but he wonders things like this. So if there's nothing obvious that's unresolved, then I would think you're probably in stage three and let us know if we can help with that. So do we have a couple more? My man went up and left me out of the blue with some bogus excuse and I was wondering why, because I did a lot for him.

(: 22:17

Everything seems so fine. So I don't understand. He's drifting back and forth. I try not to take things personally, but I wish I knew how to keep him wanting me engaged in our daily lives. So if he upped and left you, so let's, first off, is this what he does? I mean is this in general what he does? If it is, it's part of a pattern, but usually the out of the blue part is what stands out when man does something out of the blue especially that seems extreme. So I'm not saying this is okay, I'm not saying it's good just explaining the why, at least the first place I would look. It's because resentment is built up because there's something unresolved with you to some problem or conflict and maybe he's tolerating something, so I'm making stuff up. Maybe you complain to him about he's not generous enough or there's something that he feels like he's giving more than he's getting in some area, whether it's true or not.

(: 23:16

And whenever we have this where especially for man, if a man doesn't feel appreciated for long periods of time, resentment builds up because men come from the mentality of I don't owe you anything. I'm happy to give you, I'm happy to do for you. I don't need a lot of thanks, but don't tell me you're entitled. Don't tell me I should. I must, must nothing I must do now, I mean there's laws, I can't be violent, I can't threaten, I'm not talking about those things. But from a men's standpoint, everything I do is a gift. Don't have to say, oh, thank you and hug me for don't do that. Please don't act like you are entitled to. I'm not saying you're doing this, but if a man was to share, most men aren't going to say it this way. That's why appreciation is such a big deal with men.

(: 24:06

That's why we don't mind buying dinner. What we do mind, not that you do this is if someone acts indifferent or they just act like of course that's what we do. I mean it happens in relationships. Both people tend to take each other for granted. They're not careful that he does something nice for her, she doesn't do anything. She's affectionate with him. I mean we stop rewarding each other and then the incentive goes down. And that's how folks when they say comfortable, a better word for comfortable is lazy or lack of investment. So it doesn't require lots of investment, lots of time, but it doesn't require a little bit. So my guess is there's something that's unresolved with YouTube. So if I was talking with you, let's say we're speaking on the phone and I would go back and do your history, I'm wondering is tell me the last couple of weeks, last four weeks, six and eventually we're going to find, I would bet some issue or some conflict or something.

(: 25:02

It's been building and building and then there's going to be something that happened recently that was the final straw. I dunno what it is, but that's what I'd be looking for. And then we talk about, okay, now that we know what it is, this is how to approach it. It's not a template, it's not something anyone use. It's unique to you. That's why what happened basically tells us how to fill in the template. So it's not like I have the answer and I'm just keeping it from you. It's that for something like this, it has to be very specific to you and your man. So what I would tell Jennifer versus Stephanie versus Allison is different. If I told the wrong thing, it would tend to blow up and make it worse, but that's what I would be looking for. If you want reverse engineered, if you want me to help, lemme know.

(: 25:46

And let's see. The last one, this is from someone in our women men Adora private group. So I won't tell her name. And basically her boyfriend did something that really upset her. She says, I brought it up and he acted like it was no big deal. He said, sorry, I know he thinks it's resolved. As you said in one of our groups, he thinks he's gotten away with it. Do I just go aloof till he asks? What is wrong? I'm used to just letting things go, but I know that will build resentment as I'm hurting a lot. So I think what she's asking is it was brought up, but the fact that he acts like it was no big deal is what's really bothering her. So let's make a distinction. I couldn't really answer this well in the group it was more detailed. She's talking about what he did and how it affected her.

(: 26:30

He's thinking in terms of what he did, and men do this with what I did from the standpoint of intention. So my guess is from his intention, I didn't mean to hurt you. I instant, and I'm not saying was this, but this is just from a man's standpoint is let's say he interrupted her repeatedly. I forgot what he did. He interrupted her repeatedly when he introduced her to his friends and that bothered because he kept interrupting her. He was excited. So in his mind, I'm just excited for her to meet them or she was talking a lot and so therefore I tried to cut to the chase. I'm not saying that's good, and she brings up that really hurt. When you did that, it was demeaning, it was embarrassing. See, in his mind, he knows that wasn't my intention. So because it wasn't my intention, he says, sorry, translation.

(: 27:19

Oops. Now for her, it's not about what I mean it is what he did, but it's how it affected her. For her is, oops, sorry. That's it. You hear how bad this hurt me and I'm going to illustrate this even farther. I'm exaggerating this to make a point. What he hears is when you did this, that hurt me horribly. So in his mind, what am I apologizing for? I mean, I'm sorry I hurt you. If it's in his mind, I didn't do anything wrong. I had an it. Again, I'm exaggerating this to make a point. She's like, that hurt me awful. And of course he didn't do this. Of course what he did was rude. I forget the specifics of it, but see if she's trying to make him say, you need to understand how bad what you did was what he's going to hear is you need to understand how bad scratching this was.

(: 28:09

He's not going to understand. He's not going to understand. Now either we can find a new boyfriend that does have that personality or make it more personal about us. So I'm doing this again to exaggerate the point. If me scratching my cheek really bother me, it's silly. I'm being hypersensitive. It's absurd, but let's just pretend I did. It would be better for me to tell someone I know it's my thing. I know it may sound silly, but when you scratch your cheek, I told you that bothered me and you did it anyway. We were arguing that really stinks. See, by doing it that way and taking ownership, we're not asking if he thinks it's okay, it's not okay for me. We're not asking him to share my belief. It's not okay for me and I'm picking something silly. So you can see how it works even with something silly.

(: 29:02

And you also find out about the man. If he doubles down into, gosh, you're just too sensitive. Why does this bother you over here? Okay, that's a red flag. That's when I take ownership. And then he doubles down and then he acts even more like, what's wrong with you? Why could you do that? Then if he's insist, that will be your confirmation. But if you start out with ownership, if something bothers me, it's my problem. It's not the other person's problem, it's my problem. That's why we talked about the campfire effect. The ladies in there learn why we pay attention to emotions and how we use them so we can identify what the problem is. The problem is rarely what we think. It's, I'm upset because he did this. That's not the problem. That's just what he did right now. And then we're fixing that problem, which is it's not really the problem, it's just the thing in front of us.

(: 29:51

Do we feel better? But we don't deal with a real problem. We just kind of fluff it over by dealing with the thing that's going on right in front of us. Avoiding problems is an intimacy killer. Avoiding problems in keeping the peace may sound like the way to keep a man. It repels me. We don't want to have arguments all the time, but we don't want to avoid conflict. And if something bothers you, even if it's oversensitive, even if maybe it's pushing a button, maybe there's some unresolved issue, maybe it reminds you, maybe if I've had issues with trust, maybe it's that fine. We can work on that issue later. But right now, right here, that bothers me because if I'm not willing to do it the way I described, what that will help you do is to realize is this really worth bringing up?

(: 30:40

What we want to get away from is there's something I can say or do that'll just make him totally understand, not without vulnerability for him to feel how this affects you. You must be willing to feel this yourself and share that with it. You don't have to, but without that, he's not going to take this any more serious than you're willing to be vulnerable. So try that. Lemme know how it goes and whoever you're watching this be sure and leave a comment or a question on the podcast. Be sure and subscribe. Hit that like button if you're watching on YouTube and join us on relationship headquarters.com. We have lots of goodies there for you. As always, it's nice talking to you. I look forward to seeing you on our next time. Good day. I hope you enjoyed this new episode, and if you did, the highest compliment I can have is you sharing this with your friends and leaving a review on Apple Podcast and Spotify. Also, if there's a question you want me to answer, a topic to cover, scroll down to the show notes or go to relationship headquarters.com/podcast and I've enjoyed having you and being with you this time. I'll see you next week for a new episode.

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