Shownotes
The best way to change your mindset is to take action even when you are scared. But that’s easier said than done. In this episode, I’m sharing my favourite tip for when you are feeling stuck and hesitating to take action. Plus an update on my current experiment.
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Transcripts
You know those moments when you know what to do, you know how to
Speaker:do it, but you just aren't doing it. And you're not
Speaker:just feeling stuck. You're also frustrated watching
Speaker:yourself hesitate. You can feel the discomfort
Speaker:rising when you think about taking action. So you just gotta keep putting it off.
Speaker:It's this emotional regulation. Sometimes this
Speaker:is biological, like how low dopamine levels can
Speaker:make it difficult for people to initiate tasks. But today
Speaker:I want to zero in on those times when it is a psychological
Speaker:roadblock. When you are stopping yourself because of
Speaker:fear, whether conscious or unconscious,
Speaker:you are worried that following through could result in a
Speaker:negative outcome, that something bad might happen, and it's just
Speaker:better to avoid it. You have heard the term
Speaker:limiting belief before, and maybe that term makes
Speaker:you want to roll your eyes. But at the core, I think
Speaker:this term actually sums it up really, really well. You believe
Speaker:something bad could happen. So you limit yourself, you
Speaker:limit your actions, you limit what you do. And I
Speaker:think the best way to overcome a limiting belief
Speaker:is by challenging it. And the most powerful way to
Speaker:challenge a belief is through this firsthand experience. It's
Speaker:taking action even when you are nervous and you pay attention
Speaker:to what really happens. And when I say really happen, I mean
Speaker:it's about taking in all of the evidence. And then you can start to
Speaker:adjust your beliefs. Now, if you've ever
Speaker:heard yourself say, oh, that wasn't as bad
Speaker:as I thought it would be, or maybe I can't believe I've put this
Speaker:off for months and it actually only took a few minutes. You feel maybe a
Speaker:little bit sheepish. Then you have experienced what happens when you
Speaker:push past your comfort zone. You do it anyway, and you realize
Speaker:you're still okay, Things are still okay. That makes
Speaker:it easier the next time you need to take action and the next time
Speaker:and the next time. This is rewiring your brain, changing your mindset,
Speaker:and adjusting those beliefs that make it easier for you to take action.
Speaker:But here's. Here's the but. Pushing
Speaker:yourself outside your comfort zone is so much easier said
Speaker:than done. And people saying, just do it. Even
Speaker:if you're scared, that might be difficult advice for you to follow.
Speaker:You're hesitating for a reason. So what can you do
Speaker:instead? And is there advice that might feel a little bit
Speaker:easier for you to follow? And I think so. This is
Speaker:something that I do, and I want to share it with you. And the premise
Speaker:is fairly simple. The next time you
Speaker:notice yourself hesitating, I want you to think of
Speaker:somebody else specifically Someone else who doesn't
Speaker:hesitate on taking action for the thing you're
Speaker:avoiding doing right now. For example, if you are
Speaker:hesitating to pitch your ideas at work, who do you work with
Speaker:who freely pitches their ideas and doesn't hold back? Or maybe someone
Speaker:you used to work with but don't work with anymore? Or
Speaker:if you're hesitating to publish content online, put it out into the public,
Speaker:who do you see freely publishing their content? And it
Speaker:doesn't actually matter if you know them personally or you just simply know
Speaker:of this person. We just want to start by identifying
Speaker:them first. And then you want to ask the question,
Speaker:how do their beliefs differ from mine?
Speaker:How do they see the world differently from me?
Speaker:That enables them to act freely.
Speaker:Now, just I want to put a little side note. A little caveat is that
Speaker:you are making assumptions here. One you cannot
Speaker:actually get into their brain. You are guessing how their beliefs differ
Speaker:or how they see the world differently from you. And they
Speaker:may not actually feel that free or fearless inside,
Speaker:but they are taking action regardless.
Speaker:So either way, you should be able to come up with some sort
Speaker:of answer of how they think or. Or believe
Speaker:things that are different from you. And what
Speaker:thoughts are they having when they are about to take action?
Speaker:What are they believing that is different in those moments than you are?
Speaker:And then I want you to try it on. And when I say the word
Speaker:try it on, that might sound a little funny. And in fact, when I ask
Speaker:myself these questions, because I do, this is a. I call it a trick,
Speaker:but really it's just, it's a strategy for trying to change my
Speaker:mindset. I like to think about glasses. And
Speaker:no, not the kind that you drink with, but the kinds that you actually wear
Speaker:on your face. And so an example, I've got some
Speaker:glasses if you're watching the video version, if not, you can picture myself with a
Speaker:pair of glasses. I use these for distance. But what you
Speaker:are doing is essentially trying on somebody else's glasses.
Speaker:You're putting them on your face and you're looking through the world through
Speaker:their lens, through their eyes. When they look out at
Speaker:the world, what do they see differently than you? Are they
Speaker:seeing the same threats that you see? Are they having some of these same
Speaker:limitations of thinking, okay, this bad thing might happen? Because clearly
Speaker:they're taking action and you're resisting taking action. Now if you do
Speaker:this with one person and you think, I don't know, that doesn't really fit, you
Speaker:can always try on another pair of glasses and see what
Speaker:Works. Now, when I say the try this on, there
Speaker:are a couple things that are happening. One is that you are
Speaker:actively trying to put yourself in their shoes. And you can do this
Speaker:on a theoretical level, just like a thought
Speaker:experiment of what do they believe that's different from me?
Speaker:So the person who's pitching their ideas, even if they're hesitant, might say,
Speaker:you know what? Having my idea said is more important
Speaker:than the hesitation. And that it's okay to be
Speaker:rejected because I know that not every pitch is going to get through, but I
Speaker:have to say them if I want to even experience this. And
Speaker:if you are not, say, pitching, and I'm just going with this example,
Speaker:you might be hesitant to say, well, I don't want to pitch because I might
Speaker:be rejected. And maybe that's a statement on me. And maybe people are going to
Speaker:see this as a reflection of me and my value at work.
Speaker:Whereas the other person might say, not every idea is
Speaker:going to be taken up, but I'm going to work on it. I'm going to
Speaker:try anyway. And if they reject it, they're rejecting the idea. They're not
Speaker:rejecting me. You see how those are two examples of seeing the world
Speaker:differently. In one case, you're looking at the world saying, if my
Speaker:idea gets rejected, then that says something about
Speaker:me as a person. And the other person sees the world and says, if my
Speaker:idea gets rejected, my idea is getting rejected, not
Speaker:me. And so those are two different thoughts, and you can
Speaker:kind of try them on. And so if I'm someone who's worried about feeling
Speaker:rejected as a person, I can sort of try on these glasses,
Speaker:look at the world through this lens that says a
Speaker:rejection of an idea is the idea, and it's not about me. And how does
Speaker:that feel? And so the first part of the thought experiment is just actually
Speaker:noticing what changes and shifts in you when you try
Speaker:on that belief or you try on that thought, because that
Speaker:in and of itself can start to feel freeing and you can start to adjust
Speaker:things. However, remember I said taking action is really important.
Speaker:And so I think that the next stage is not just trying on
Speaker:the thought or the belief, seeing the world through these glasses, but
Speaker:also taking action. And I've heard people say that it can
Speaker:be really powerful to sort of adopt a. A
Speaker:Persona or to have an alter ego. I think there was. I saw a
Speaker:speaker. I'm blanking on his name at the moment. If you remember, let me know.
Speaker:And it's all around this idea of having this alter ego.
Speaker:And that person can show up. And so in the same way, putting on
Speaker:someone else's glasses and saying, what would it be like to act like them?
Speaker:And so maybe I step into the room ready to pitch,
Speaker:trying this on and see what happens. So first of all,
Speaker:maybe they'll actually take the idea or take a version of the
Speaker:idea. It won't be flat out rejected. So that's a possibility. The other
Speaker:thing is, if they don't like it, maybe I can get feedback and find out
Speaker:what I can do differently next time. And then I can also remember that it
Speaker:is the idea, but you have to actually try it. But it can
Speaker:feel a little easier when you try it. Looking at the world
Speaker:through their glasses and trying that on, it sort of
Speaker:empowers you in a different way than if you just go in there and
Speaker:just try to say, just do it. Scared. Even with all of these beliefs, there's
Speaker:like this extra step in advance where you're sort of shifting your
Speaker:mindset so it's a little bit. Makes it a little bit easier for you to
Speaker:take action. Now, if we look at their content idea,
Speaker:very similar, that putting something out into the world for
Speaker:other people to see can be very daunting and that
Speaker:those actually, those are very similar examples. I should probably think of another
Speaker:example, but. But you can see how when you start to picture the world through
Speaker:someone else's lens, it can be really empowering. And what
Speaker:you're gonna do the next time you're hesitating is not just think about how this
Speaker:person differs. Actually try to try on the
Speaker:thought, try on the belief, and then take action.
Speaker:Now, something that I think is really important to preface is that when you
Speaker:are testing out and taking action and experimenting
Speaker:in order to challenge beliefs, I do think it's important to stress that you
Speaker:should do this in a way that feels safe. If you thought that pitching an
Speaker:idea at your next meeting might actually compromise
Speaker:your job, that's actually. Those are higher stakes, that's higher risk.
Speaker:And so maybe don't do that, but maybe in a smaller setting, you can pitch
Speaker:an idea, pitch one, one on one, or put it out to a smaller group.
Speaker:Similarly, if we take the content idea, maybe you're not necessarily putting out to the
Speaker:public, but you're sharing it with some other people to get their feedback on it.
Speaker:So there's a way to take a first step step that feels a little bit
Speaker:safer, but then we need to pay attention. You need
Speaker:to actually notice what happens so that you can start to
Speaker:adjust and say, okay, is this really valid? Did the bad thing happen?
Speaker:Maybe it didn't happen at all. Maybe there was no bad thing. But
Speaker:sometimes bad things still do happen. Maybe you put out content
Speaker:and nobody says anything. Maybe you pitch an idea and they
Speaker:don't take it, and that can sting. But you also want to pay attention to
Speaker:what happens after. Am I still okay? Are people
Speaker:still listening? Are there other opportunities for me?
Speaker:And so taking in all of that evidence, these are the things that help you
Speaker:to change your mindset, and you're slowly rewiring your
Speaker:brain, changing your mindset. This is some of
Speaker:the hardest work that you're going to do when
Speaker:you have these limiting beliefs. But it is like having
Speaker:a field with tall grass. And the first time you walk over
Speaker:it and you look back, you might not see the path that you walked on.
Speaker:But if you keep walking on the path over and over and over again, soon
Speaker:you'll look back and you will see the path. That is how a path is
Speaker:created in a fresh field. The same thing happens in your brain.
Speaker:And the way we do that is by walking over the path, by taking
Speaker:action and doing that over and over again until we realize,
Speaker:okay, this is safe. I can take this action. And we are releasing
Speaker:ourselves from. From that hesitation and from those fears.
Speaker:And for me, it's so much easier to try on
Speaker:someone else's glasses in order to look at the world differently,
Speaker:to see the threats differently. Maybe those threats are lessened and
Speaker:I'm not as worried about something happening. I'm also taking a look at
Speaker:evidence that other people are doing the thing and they are
Speaker:also still okay. And that's really powerful. So
Speaker:considering other people trying on their glasses, trying on their
Speaker:beliefs, trying on their thoughts, sitting with those feelings and then
Speaker:testing it out for yourself, these are things you can do to help
Speaker:overcome that hesitation. It's a trick you can use
Speaker:anytime you are feeling stuck and you know that you're hesitating and there's
Speaker:something that's going on. Now I want to shift gears
Speaker:and talk a little bit about my most recent experiment
Speaker:in which I am trying to adopt this same technique.
Speaker:And I have been talking in the last
Speaker:week or two around this idea of content,
Speaker:which is something that me as a business owner who has decided to
Speaker:put out public content, like right now. I struggle
Speaker:sometimes with my consistency. And no, not because I maybe
Speaker:am off for a week because I caught a cold, but because
Speaker:I haven't found that pattern. And I tend to swing like a pendulum and kind
Speaker:of go all or nothing. And I'm Trying to find that middle ground. And what
Speaker:I have observed over the last couple of weeks is that while I find it
Speaker:really easy to identify, let's say, a cadence of saying okay,
Speaker:I think I could reasonably put out, say, two to three posts
Speaker:a week without burning out, without feeling like I can't maintain this.
Speaker:What I am struggling to find is the right mindset around
Speaker:when I create this content, what type of content I want to create,
Speaker:and also who am I specifically talking to. And I think that's
Speaker:challenging for me as somebody who kind of wants to help
Speaker:everyone. And I'm talking about work that can help so many
Speaker:different people, but I recognize that it really helps for
Speaker:me to want to narrow down and say, okay, who can I
Speaker:picture helping? And so one of the things I've committed to doing this week, and
Speaker:I do have accountability, you know, I'm a big fan of
Speaker:accountability. And one of the things I have said is that by
Speaker:the end of the week, I really want to zero in on that, identity that
Speaker:person and give them a name. If you're not familiar, this is the idea of
Speaker:creating a Persona in your work, of being able to picture the person you're
Speaker:talking to. And I've sort of gotten halfway there, but I always kind of stall.
Speaker:And if I'm going to be meta for a while, I think that this is
Speaker:a psychological roadblock of worrying that if I
Speaker:sort of land and decide on a Persona, that maybe I'll feel
Speaker:trapped. What if I chose the wrong Persona? What if this is not the way
Speaker:to go? What if my content. What if I don't like what happens? And so
Speaker:there are some reservations and I can feel them happening. So by tapping
Speaker:into accountability, and having said, next week, I'm going to report back to this
Speaker:group whether I actually created one or not. And I'm saying
Speaker:it here, so I'm adding on an extra level of
Speaker:accountability. But that is one of the things I want to do. I think it'll
Speaker:make it much easier for me to actually create a plan of
Speaker:what am I saying? And who am I talking to when I post online? Who
Speaker:is that person that I'm creating this content for? And that doesn't mean
Speaker:that other people can't enjoy the content, but it will make it easier, I think,
Speaker:for me to have that regular cadence and have that clarity of who it
Speaker:is I'm talking to. So those are some of the things I'm working on right
Speaker:now with this experiment. And I'm also
Speaker:spending a little bit more time actually trusting the
Speaker:algorithm and without getting too much into
Speaker:detail, I thought I was doing this amazing thing by hacking
Speaker:Instagram. And if you tap. Now, this doesn't work
Speaker:for everyone, but if you open Instagram and you tap on Instagram at the top,
Speaker:it will actually let you see just people you're following. And that, to
Speaker:me, felt like the good old days of, I just want to see the people
Speaker:I've chosen to follow, and I don't want to see anyone else. And recently, I've
Speaker:been challenging this assumption that that's the way to go and allowing
Speaker:myself to let the algorithm choose some content I want to see. Because I
Speaker:am starting to notice that I'm getting exposed to new types of content,
Speaker:new creators, people who are actually inspiring me.
Speaker:I always like to be careful about how much time I'm spending online. And I
Speaker:know the algorithm is designed to pull you in and really suck you in. So
Speaker:I do use timers, and I try to limit that time. But that is one
Speaker:of the things that is helping me to think about how I can create content
Speaker:and maybe actually feel inspired and excited about it again, instead
Speaker:of saying simply falling into old patterns over and over
Speaker:again. So that's a little update on my current
Speaker:experiment that I've got going on. But I hope that today's
Speaker:episode is giving you this
Speaker:framework or this trick, this little thing that you can do of trying
Speaker:on somebody else's glasses, putting on their beliefs,
Speaker:putting on their thoughts. How does that feel? And then actually trying
Speaker:something with, with that in mind. And if you do try it, let
Speaker:me know. I do think that by making these small changes, adjusting
Speaker:your mindset, this is definitely one of the things that can help you to
Speaker:have lasting momentum.
