Aging can feel like a wild ride, right? One minute you’re bopping along, feeling youthful and vibrant, and the next you’re staring at a reflection that’s more ‘who is that?’ than ‘hey, look at me!’

In this episode of Boomer Banter, we dive deep into why that happens and how our brains evolve as we age, gaining wisdom and emotional stability. Our host, Wendy Green, shares some sage words from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. about keeping hope alive through the disappointments that life throws at us.

She gets real about the stories we tell ourselves as we age and how those narratives can shape our self-image. We explore the positivity effect, which is all about how our brains get better at focusing on what matters and letting go of the trivial as we grow older. Imagine trading in that pesky anxiety for a newfound sense of calm and perspective; sounds pretty sweet, right?

Wendy encourages us to reframe our self-talk and focus on how we feel rather than how we look. So, the next time you catch a glimpse in the mirror, remember: it's not just about the wrinkles; it’s about the wisdom behind them!

Takeaways:

1. Aging can bring about changes in our self-image, but it doesn't have to be negative as we gain perspective and wisdom from our experiences.
2. Our brains evolve as we age, enhancing our emotional regulation and patience, allowing for a more thoughtful response to life's challenges.
3. The stories we tell ourselves about aging often come from societal influences, but we can choose to redefine our self-image positively.
4. As we grow older, it's crucial to focus on how we live and what we value in ourselves, rather than just how we look.

Links referenced in this episode:

1. Learn all about Wendy's coaching at heyboomer.biz
2. Schedule a complimentary Discovery Call with Wendy

Foreign. Hello, and welcome to Boomer Banter, where we have real talk about aging.

Well, I am your host, Wendy Green, and every week we talk about the challenges, the changes and the possibilities that come with this season of life. And today, as we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I'm thinking about something he said.

He said, we must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.

Those words reveal something profound, not just about social change, but about the kind of wisdom that often comes with time, the ability to hold reality and possibility at the same time, to respond thoughtfully rather than to react impulsively, to see the long view. And that's what we're exploring today.

We're exploring how our brains actually evolve as we age, gaining patience, perspective, and emotional regulation. But first, let me start this episode with a moment that might sound familiar.

You look in the mirror and you say to yourself, I don't recognize that person in the mirror anymore. And I'm not just talking about wrinkles or graying hair.

And before you judge me and think that I don't understand because my hair hasn't grayed yet, please let me go on. I'm also talking about our identity, things like, who am I now that I've shed some of my roles?

Who am I now that I no longer get up from the floor as easily as I once did? My body feels differently than it did when I was younger. My energy feels different. My confidence has shifted.

At one time, I felt comfortable walking into just about any. Any room, networking, meeting people. It's been a while since I did that on a regular basis, probably pre pandemic.

And so I don't feel as comfortable now as I did then.

And when I do go out into those kinds of situations, honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm the oldest person in the room, or at least one of two or three others. And I think, how do these people, these younger people, understand the work I do about aging well. So can you relate to any of this?

Well, here's what I've realized. Those negative comments that we give ourselves when we look in the mirror, they're not just about getting older and the physical changes that we see.

They are the stories we tell ourselves about getting older. And they are stories that we have inherited from society, from our parents and grandparents.

But as you know, I talk about a different truth on Boomer Banter and with my clients.

So today I want to dig into how our self image changes as we age, not just physically, but emotionally, and how the way our brains evolve can actually make us more grounded, more thoughtful. And more resilient than we were in earlier decades. Think about this. I bet you can relate to this.

When I was growing up, my self image was very much dependent on what people thought of me. Was I wearing the right clothes? Was I thin enough? My hair was so curly and lived in Miami, you know, so the frizz factor was pretty good.

And straight hair was the in look. So I fought my curls so that I could fit in. I also tried hard to tan, even though mostly I burned. Sure, I still want to look good.

I feel better when I dress for work. Even though I work from home. I feel better when my clothes fit better than they do right now, right after the holidays. But here's the truth.

I am not trying to get into a bikini anymore. And honestly, I don't even remember wearing a bikini when I was younger. No, I don't think so. But what I am more concerned about now is how I feel.

I want to feel healthy. And the extra pounds I put on over the holiday, they don't make me feel as healthy.

And at this stage of my life, it's not the external validation that I'm looking for. It's more important that I feel good about myself. That is what I base my self image on.

So let me share some good news with you about how our changing brains can help us when it comes to our self image. I've been reading some fascinating research on this and here's what scientists are finding.

While certain skills like quick recall or processing speed may slow a bit, and I certainly have noticed that our ability to regulate emotions and put things in perspective on often improves, researchers have come to call this the positivity effect. As we age, our brains literally become better at letting go of unnecessary stress, focusing on what feels meaningful. And this is the big one.

Not reacting to every little thing, but instead responding thoughtfully so it makes sense, right? When we're younger, our brains are wired for speed, performance, approval, achievement.

We're balancing careers, families and all the noise and ambition and stress that that entails. But as we get older, the brain shifts more towards meaning and stability, perspective and emotional balance. That's pretty cool, right?

Our brains are evolving. And for me personally, meaning has become my big purpose.

Helping people find meaning in their lives as they get older and learning to respond rather than react. Wow, that is a lesson I am embracing and stand learning. It's I'm not there yet, but I'm learning on that one.

So when you think I don't feel like my younger self anymore, that is truth. But it's not a negative truth. It is the positivity effect. It is development. Your brain is changing. It's recalibrating for this new phase of life.

So we have to give it different words instead of I don't feel like my younger self, so there must be something wrong with me reframing it. To say, no, I'm developing new ways of being is a better way of phrasing that and recalibrating yourself.

So let me give you an example of how this played out in my life as a young single mother. Obviously, as most of you, whether you are a single mother or not, I was under a lot of stress. There was the work stress.

I had to have a good job so that I could care for my family. I lived in Atlanta and the commute from work to childcare each day added way too much stress.

Then there was dinner, bath time, bedtime, and let's do it all again the next day. The teen years were particularly challenging with my daughter. She and I had ongoing conflict.

Uncertainty felt terrifying, something that changed the routine. And the company I worked for was in the process of downsizing to be in a position to be sold. What did that mean for my job?

What would I do if I got laid off? My nervous system was always on high alert and I was not very in tune with self care. I just knew I had to keep going. So let's fast Forward to my 60s.

My kids had started their own lives separate from mine. I had left corporate America and moved to Greenville, South Carolina.

I got involved with the Rotary Club, which gave me an immediate sense of community. Was there still stress? Oh, absolutely. My father's death, financial concerns, a couple of health scares. But here's the thing.

I didn't immediately spiral. And if I did, it was not for too long. I was gaining perspective. I was developing patience.

I was learning that I could pause and think about how to respond. That was my brain developing emotional balance, perspective and stability. We say some of that comes from our lived experience, which is true.

But in the brain, the neurons reconnect to form different pathways because of that lived experience. And that's what gives us that renewed perspective and that sense that we can pause before we react right away. Here's a coaching insight for you.

When your nervous system calms, your self image can stabilize. Why? Because you stop measuring your worth by the external feedback. You stop worrying so much about what people think of you.

Your validation focuses more on your internal perspectives and responses. It is what you think about yourself. Stress doesn't go away. It never goes away. What changes is how you respond to stress as you get older.

Some of you may be familiar with Louise Hay. She was a motivational speaker, author, founder of Hay House Publishing. She said something really powerful.

She said, the body is a mirror of our inner thoughts and beliefs. And every cell within your body, every cell responds to every single thought you think and every word you speak. So think about this.

When we compare ourselves to the images and messages all around us that tell us, yes, young is best and aging is decline, we are reinforcing that message on a cellular level. And our body responds to those messages. We feel more tired, we give up on self care. What difference does it make? Aging is decline, right?

We stop pursuing lifelong learning. We tell ourselves, well, I'm too old to learn something new. And on a cellular level, we believe that and those messages become part of our body.

It's amazing, the power of words on how we feel and respond physically. So what if the next time you looked in the mirror you saw a person who has gained wisdom and perspective because of all you have lived through?

What if you thanked that person for all that you have learned, the loves that you've had, the things that you've done, how much more motivating that message would be and all those cells in your body would start to respond more positively. You might decide to go for a walk, call a friend, sign up for a course.

You might find that you're standing up taller, sitting up higher in your chair just because you have now told yourself you are good, you are still capable of learning and you have learned perspective and you have all these wonderful experiences in your past and you can stop judging yourself by your graying hair.

You can celebrate the resilience you have gained, the knowledge you have gained, and then you'll feel more like taking care of your body because it is the vehicle you have to continue to live a life of meaning. A friend once said to me, I don't look the way I used to, but I also don't think the way I used to. And she didn't mean that negatively.

She meant that she no longer chased approval, she no longer over committed big one. And she no longer ignored her own needs. Another big one. Her self image shifted from how do I look? To how do I live? Wow, that's a powerful shift.

What if you asked yourself that question, how do you live? How would you answer that? It's a good coaching question, but I'm going to give you another one here to think about.

If you had to describe yourself, leaving out any reference to Your physical appearance, what words would you choose? You might say things like, oh, you know what? I have time to be curious, to learn new things, so that's part of who I am.

Or you might say, I'm, I've always been creative, but I never really took the time to explore whether I want to paint or, or carve or mold things, you know, so now I'm, I'm creative. I'm going to explore that. You might describe yourself as thoughtful or resilient, kind, courageous, whatever words you use.

But I would challenge you over the next day or so to think about that. What words would you use to describe yourself now if you couldn't use any words to describe your physical appearance? So here's the truth.

Your self image is not about your reflection in your mirror. Your self image is about your relationship with yourself and what you value in yourself. Our bodies change, that's a fact.

But the good news is our brains change too. And those changes give us more wisdom, more perspective than we ever had when we were younger.

Yeah, maybe we struggle to find the right word or forget somebody's name. Those changes happen too.

But our ability to see the big picture, to have a better perspective, and to be more resilient and more responsive rather than reactive are part of the positive changes of our brain. Now, I don't want to imply that taking care of our bodies becomes less important. The thing is, the reason for exercising and eating right changes.

We take care of our bodies now so we can feel well, move easily, reduce risks of fall, get down on the floor and play with our grandchildren or puppies, play pickleball or work in our gardens. Taking care of our bodies is not just about looking good in a bathing suit this summer. Boy, that was it when we were younger.

Right now it's about feeling well enough to play in the surf or swim in a pool. The bottom line, stop giving the mirror so much power. Self image isn't just about how we look.

It's about how we interpret ourselves, the words we use when we talk to ourselves. Here's an example. Two people the same age, they could age physically the same. Same tests from the doctors, same height, same weight.

You know, everything about them is the same. And one might say I'm becoming so boring. And another might say, I'm becoming so curious. Same change, different words, different meaning.

And meaning is what shapes confidence. So aging doesn't make us less interesting. The things we tell ourselves make us more or less interesting.

When we stop judging ourselves by younger standards, we start appreciating our current strengths. Your self image doesn't need to shrink with age. It can deepen because the brain you have now, as I said, it's better at seeing the whole picture.

You're not losing yourself. You're refining yourself.

If, as you listen to this episode and with all the stuff I said, you still find yourself thinking, yeah, but I still feel old when I look in the mirror, ask yourself if you want to stop feeling that way. If you do, I can help. I have a program that gives you new insights and breakthroughs that will energize you to look at aging with new hope.

And as Dr. King said, never lose age. Infinite hope. You don't have to navigate these changes alone.

There's a link on my website, hey, Boomer Biz, and it says sign up for the discovery call or something like that and you can book a complimentary call to explore what could be possible for you. So thank you for joining me today on Boomer Banter. Smile at yourself in the mirror and appreciate all that you are becoming as you age.

And ask yourself those questions. How am I living? Not how do I look? And how would you describe yourself if you couldn't use your physical body and features as a description?

Thanks so much. See you next week.