This week in the diner I hung out with my man, Stu Massengill. What I appreciate about Stu is that he is so dedicated to looking for what’s next and building his legacy, but he’s also so in tune with the present moment and savors every day, and I loved the way he talked about striking that balance. In this episode, we talked about Stu’s career as an entrepreneur, his battle with cancer, and his decision to leave his career in the wellness industry to start a speaking business and begin working with the GOAT – Tony Robbins. Stu is a maximizer and up to big things in this world, and I know you’re going to love what he shares in this episode.

About the Guest: 

Hey, my name is Stu Massengill and I am on a mission to help people answer the question, "What do I want to do with my life?" Over the last 10 years, I have been immersed in the personal development world which led me to opportunities such as speaking on stages in front of 10,000 people, building a business that did 8 million dollars in revenue, and now working with the GOAT himself, Tony Robbins. One of the biggest things this helped me with, however, was beating cancer at the age of 24 due to what I learned from personal development. Aside from my mission to make an impact I love the outdoors, am a huge snowboarder and avid traveler, and doing my best to enjoy my time here on earth.

Connect with Stu and learn more:

5 Day Find Your Future Challenge: www.findingdirectionuniversity.com

website: www.stumassengill.com

Social Media (IG, Facebook, LinkedIn) Stu Massengill on everything

About the Host: 

Friends! Here's a somewhat stuffy bio of me:  

I am an author, professional speaker, coach, host, and entrepreneur. My first book, Leading Imperfectly: The value of being authentic for leaders, professionals, and human beings, is available wherever people buy books. I speak internationally to willing and unwilling attendees about authenticity, vulnerability, and leadership. My clients include American Express, General Electric (GE), Accenture, Yale University, The Ohio State University, and many others. As a speaker, I am doing the two things I loves the most: making people think and making people laugh! 

I host my own events multiple times a year. They are 2-day events called Living Imperfectly Live (and sometimes they are 1-day virtual events). They are a space where humans from every walk of life can come together to be part of a community on the pursuit of badassery. The goal is to help attendees start living the life we say we want to live.

Alas, you're here because of an idea I had a number of years ago and didn't think I was good enough to pull it off. I finally acted on it and alas Diner Talks with James was born! As you can see from what I do in my professional life, Diner Talks is alligned with everything I believe in and teach.  If this wasn't dry enough, and you would like to know more info about my speaking, events, or coaching feel free to check out my website: JamesTRobo.com.

Let’s Be Friends on Social Media!

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jamestrobo

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamestrobo

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamesrobilotta/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/JamesRobilottaCSP

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/JamesTRobo

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Welcome to Diner Talks with James. slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends. We never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be

my friends, what is going on? How you feeling? It's your man James robola. We add here at diner talks with James and as you heard, I'm James super excited to be here with you all today, my friends. I am sitting in Minnesota. It is it is I'm sweating in Minnesota. No one everybody talked about the winners when we moved here. Everybody decided to not tell me this summer is also get up to like 95 and sticky hot. That's just rude. How you gonna spend this much time below zero and then also hit me with 95 in human. That's disrespectful, Minnesota and we're gonna have a conversation about it. But not yet cuz you're not in the podcast, Minnesota today. We got to massengill out here. He is a new friend of mine and a friend of a former guest on the show, Antonio Nevs. What a great dude he is. But I don't care about Antonio today. I care about my man stew. So let me tell you about him before we bring him out here right now. Stu Massingill is on a mission to help people answer the question. What do I want to do with my life? He's been speaking on stages in front of all the way up to 10,000 people. That's a small army, y'all okay. 10,000 people is no joke. That's incredible. He built a business that did 8 million and said, You know what I'm adding here I got other plans. He is now working with a goat himself. Tony Robbins will talk a little bit about that for sure. He casually beat cancer at the age of 24. After spending some time in Bali, like a stew messing guild does on the side. He loves to snowboard and hang out and just trying to crush his moments here on earth that he has. I'm super excited to bring him out right now. My man Stu Massengill.

Jay, thank you for having me, brother. It is just an honor to be here with you, man. I love your energy. I love your presence in this world. grateful to be a friend, man. So just thank you so much for having me. I'm looking forward to it.

Yes, brother. You are a friendship that I have made this year. And and one that I'm really excited about seeing where it goes, man. And so it was a natural fit to have you on here. And I'm just I'm just pumped to be connected to you brother. How things going out in Cali? Costa Mesa, right.

Costa Mesa, California. They're good, man. The sun is out. I'm breathing. I woke up. It's not 95 and sticky here. I apologize. The weather. But it's I mean, I grew up in California. And I always tell people it's a blessing and a curse because I'm probably never gonna leave. And it's good because there's a lot of good things about it, but it's also not good because there's some not so good things about it. And so it's good, man. It's real good out here.

That's awesome, dude. That's awesome. You know, Stu, the show's called diner talks with James and we've had a few guests from Cali on and this one's always an interesting conversation but I'm always curious what people's late night guilty pleasure food is. Right and I don't know I don't know what your late night move is. I don't know if you're, you know we're talking Kaleo we talking some late night doughnuts. Are we talking some late night taco truck moves. Are you going to the one diner on the west coast in and out what are we what is your move late at night? You have a guilty pleasure.

So we got two different ways we could go one classic in and out go there get some burgers fries. I go with the Neapolitan shake personally. Oh, is that is that chocolate? Vanilla strawberry. chocolate vanilla strawberry. Well played well played phenomenal. If you haven't tried it. I was skeptical at first but it's it's it'll it'll mess up your taste buds. But that's good. And the other major go to I lived in San Diego for like 10 years. Hmm. And hands down the go to California burrito. It's basically burrito you got like carne asada steak in it you have what else do you have in there? I think there's rice and the big thing I forget really what else is in there to be honest but the big thing is you got french fries in the burrito and it Yeah, there you go. It's and you get some little hot sauce you put on it it is a yeah, that's that that's I would say 10 out of 10 I'm gonna go for that over in and out to be honest the burrito hits the spot.

Yeah, I mean the way you described it that puts in and out the shame a little low that I'm an east coaster so I'm Shake Shack over in and out but anyway, the that's right shots fired her to step up that's so cool. They put the the french fries on the burrito that reminds me of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, right now in the burrito. Yeah. French fries in the burrito. That's what Pittsburgh puts french fries and everything. They put french fries in there hoagies they put french fries in their salads. They just they just received french fries where they're supposed to be. And it sounds like so does California burrito?

Do they put them in like a Philly cheese steak?

I'm sure they do. Yeah, absolutely. Cheese

Steak with fries. I'm I'm gonna have to try that one. Yeah,

yeah, for sure. I mean, I think we can figure that out. Fries everywhere. Fries and salads. Fries in salads. Yes. Wow. And it's good. It's It's surprisingly outrageous. Wow. All right. Yeah. So I'm coming. I mean, at that point, you know, you're not really ordering a salad, right? Like, it'd be like, this isn't you're like, Well, I just, I'll just have a little salad. You know, just a little something right now. It's a stack of fries in there. But yeah, I'm always interesting. I am a food quirk of mine is that I am a catch up hog. Like, I'm the person who, when you go to a fast food location, and they give you those little shitty white cups to put your ketchup in. I'm not using those I grabbed three napkins, stack them up and just pump a puddle of catch up onto my tray. And that's what I do. And so it's interesting, because I never know what to do with the French fries. I'm not gonna put ketchup on my salad. You know what I mean?

Yeah, you know, what's a good hack is you know, those little things, those little containers they give you? You can, you can open them. And they get bigger. Like, you know how they're kind of like, folded a little bit. Yeah, they got the crinkle you can and crinkle it and it becomes a bigger container. For the day,

we got pro tips out here with Sue Massey. Oh, thank you so much. Oh, shoot. That's awesome. Sue, I am so pumped to be connecting with you. You had me on your podcast finding direction, which is just a great, great piece of art that you've been working on for a long time. And and so I can't thank you enough for having me on the show. And we naturally had to return the favor. But in that conversation, we got to some really cool places. But unfortunately you were doing the one asking and I was doing the one responding. So now the shoes on the other foot. So buckle up.

Alrighty, man,

let's, let's let's start here, brother. What? What did you want to be when you grew up? I talked to young Stu, eight years old. 12 years old. What are what are we doing? Where are we working towards?

So if you spoke to eight year old Stu, when I wanted to grow up, I wanted to build fireworks. That was like my thing. I was like I thought fire I still to this day. I love fireworks. Yeah. But I was the kid that every fourth of July was finding fireworks. It was like my family grew up in Ohio. So I would have them drive across the country with like the real fireworks. And my family used to always tell me they're like, because I was like, it'd be so cool to be like, have all these chemicals in these random things. And you can put it together and it creates like a firework. I was like, that's so cool. And they're like, you might blow off your fingers. And like, I was like, I don't care. Like I don't care if I lose all my fingers. I make fireworks. But that that that never happened. I never I've never made a firework in my life

you haven't made I don't even know how to. Yeah, it's a concept that they get all of that stuff packed into those tubes and mortars, and that it comes out like a smiley face up in the air. I just I don't understand the science, but I'm very impressed by it.

They're artists. Yeah, they're their chemical artists. Yeah. So cool.

It's one of those things where you're like, I'm glad somebody else decided to care about this.

Yeah, for me, it was it was that and then eventually, I got into skateboarding. I'm a big action sports person. I grew up snowboarding one day, I picked up a skateboard. And then the moment I picked that up, it was like, This is what I'm gonna do with my life. I was like, super driven. I was, you know, doing the tricks, jumping stairs, you know, all those different sorts of things. And then what happened with that, because I'm not a professional skateboarder is I basically like, tore my ACL, one day skating. And it was kind of, I was a, I think, a junior in high school. And it was like this massive turning point in my life where I kind of realized, okay, skateboarding is not going to be what I do, because like, it jacked me up for a year. And so I finally like, I wasn't a bad student, but I got more serious about my studies. And then that kind of took on the next leap of my life.

Hmm, okay. That injury really, was was quite the crucible moment. So before that, were you like crashing skatepark send everything and and and yeah, it was half pipes and stuff,

I think I think my best trick was I kickflip the seven stair. Like I wasn't, I was not like amateur or pro like, I wasn't where I needed to be to like actually be on the scene at all. But it was like my dream. And then, you know, I was doing one trick, I was jumping this gap and I landed it. And I was like, Okay, now I'm going to go back and do it again and put it in a line with some other tricks. And when I went back to do it a second time, that's when I told myself so I did lay on the trick. I shot it on film. And I went back and demolish myself.

Casual casual. Oh, geez. Oh, gee. So then you got serious about your studies, and you kind of you've made you want to focus in a little bit different. You want to go into San Diego State, great institution. And spending time down there. You come out and you and you want to form a business in the health and fitness world. Right. Tell us a little bit about that journey from graduate upon graduating was the goal to be an entrepreneur, or did it kind of fall into your lap. How did that happen?

Yeah, so I always grew up as like the entrepreneurial type I like, I believe it's like it was in my blood. Like I never wanted to get a job. I sold candy in high school. I sold skateboards when I was skating so I could skate for free. And when I went to college, because like I made a decision once I tore my ACL that I wanted to go to San Diego State, I knew I needed to work harder, study more. And I eventually got accepted. It was like one of those moments where you're sitting in your bed. Yeah, I was on my laptop. And I got like the letter from San Diego State that said, you were accepted. And I was just like, I was like, who's punking? Me Like? Like, I didn't, I didn't think that I was good enough to get in. And so I got in. And I was driving to college. And my mom asked me one question. She said, if there's one thing you want to get out of college, what would it be? And good question, mom. Yeah, my mom is the most unbelievable soul. And it's crazy looking back on my life, seeing where this really went. But my answer was, I want to learn to come out of my shell. Because I always felt like when I was at family dinners, I was the one that never said anything. When I was around strangers, I would never start a conversation or talk to someone I didn't know, around my friends. I was, you know, normally social, but I wasn't like the social one. Yeah. But it was like I was always so crippled when I was around strangers, because I just felt like I was in the shell. And I didn't know how to come out of it. And so I went to college. That was my big thing. And I'm a big believer that when you ask powerful questions, you get powerful answers. And so what was innately happening in my unconscious mind, if we would go there is it was searching for how do I find ways to get stuff out of the shell? Because that's, that's what I that was my goal now. And so I got introduced will presuppose so before that, my buddy and I, we started skating, I was still very passionate about skating. We were gonna start a skateboard company. Yeah, my name was still his name was boss. So therefore the company was Stoss. Right? Very, very, very crazy.

I think I'm seeing how we got there. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

We were doing this and we would skate, we'd work on the business. And basically, one day he called me, and he goes, this is not what we're doing. I found a pot of gold. We're doing this other thing. Yeah, you know, I was like, Dude, this is this is our this is like our heart and soul. This is what we're all about. But it ended up being the biggest blessing of my life, he ended up introducing me to this network marketing company. Okay. So it's basically like social selling. It's like, you know, a company makes a product, and then you kind of go out there and distribute it, right? You get customers, business partners, things like that. And the larger your organization.

So it's like, just like essential oils and stuff like that. Some of those kinds of folks. doTERRA

Yeah, so Exactly, very similar to doTERRA. But it was health and wellness. Gotcha. So we had like liquid nutrition, fitness products, healthy energy drink. And so for three and a half years, I became obsessed with, like, literally, I left school, I dropped out of school, I was like, This is what I'm doing. Because I'll have time for school. I started traveling, I was on a plane probably one to two times a week going to different cities, states, couple different countries to just work with teams and people that I was that I was leading. And when I was in that three and a half years, that was kind of the first time I was introduced to personal development, you know, like, like, the idea that because you have a thought because you act a certain way because you do one certain thing or you you know, XYZ, that that doesn't mean that that's your life forever. Yeah, like that. You can change that, that you can shift that like I'll give you kind of a Real quick story for me, which was a moment of like, change my entire life. And so kind of going back, I was shy, quiet, that kid that wasn't super good at conversations oh, let's go, we're in the diner. And basically, I had the mentor, and my mentor, his name was Jed. And he, my philosophy was if someone has what I want, I'm going to do what they do say what they say, get what they got. So I literally would follow him around everywhere. See what he did see how we talked. And we were at this one, like conference, and he would go around, and someone would pop up. And they'd be like, Oh, my God, Jed, like, it's so good to see you. And I'd be like, That was weird. Maybe that was like his cousin. Walk for another five minutes. And it would happen again, and again and again and again. And it just kept happening. And I was like, how was he having such powerful connections? With all of these people that clearly are not his family, like some people isn't even known that long? And what happened for me in that moment was I had this realization that we're all born the same way, naked, scared and cry, right? Wasn't it, the doctor brought him out of the womb. And when he's going to be a talker, and brought me on go, he's not going to be a talker, I started to realize that just because he was better at it, all it really meant is that he was studying it longer. And then if I studied it, if I put constant effort towards getting there towards, for example, being a better communicator, that I could learn these skills. And so I went on that path. And, you know, now nowadays, I don't see myself anymore is that person that's like in a shell afraid to start conversations. Now I'm like, who's someone that I can talk to? Because I see really how it's like, beautiful moments happen in our life through having conversations. It's like, the quality of our lives determined by the quality of our relationships, and zoom, kind of going through some of those experience was, to this day, one of the biggest blessings in my life. So I was like, dude, yeah, but it was fun.

Yeah, do that. Sounds like a shout out to Jed out here. Shout out to his name first. Let's, let's pull that aside. Yeah, exactly. That's, that's incredible. So you, you mentioned that you were shy or growing up? Or tell me a little more about that. What were you people are people who are shy. People who are shy often are afraid of social interaction, right, like shyness, and introversion are not are not synonyms. And so. So when you say that you were shy? Like, what, what? What was the impetus behind that? Was it was there an insecurity? Was there something it was something that you were told, that it'd be seen, not heard, like a lot of women are told, right? Like, I mean, what, what, what happened to you that you think that shyness was, was your default?

Yeah, so it's interesting. Like looking, you know, it's obviously easier sometimes to look back in our life and go, Oh, this is where the dots got connected, and things like that. And so after just studying this, and learning about this, and being so focused on this over the last, basically, decade now, what I basically realized, looking back on this is that we in our life, we have experiences. And if we have enough of those experiences, we create a story around that experience. And then when we create that story, ultimately, that creates a belief. And then that's who we think we are, right keyword. That's who we think we are. And so for me, just like a simple example that I've gone back to, after kind of looking deeper into this, there was like, Holy shit, like, that was one of those experiences that built my story that built my beliefs was like, I'm not a huge sports guy. I prefer playing sports than watching them. But my dad is like, loves watching sports, big, big sports, do watch a sports, all those things. And so we would grow up. And I had this one really fond memories of growing up where we were like driving in the car. And this wasn't just one time, this would happen almost every single time we were in the car. And we would be driving to like, a restaurant for dinner or for my baseball practice, or like, whatever. And there would be a game on and I would try to talk like, talk to him. And he would just go. And he would turn up the volume of the game because like, and I don't know, what the setting of the game was. It could have been the World Series, it could have been a really important game, it could have been the bottom of the ninth inning for baseball, right? It's like, I don't know it was happening. But what happened for me in that experience, is the story that I took, that built me into the shy person was what you have to say does not matter. Nobody wants to hear your voice. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. Like, and having that story now built the belief that when I communicate, it equals pain, and it's really going to hurt so I might as well just shut my mouth. So it's like, now looking back on this. What I realized is that's the story that I chose, but I could have chose a different story. It could have been okay, the experience was the same experience. The story that I took is holy crap. My dad loves sports. So why not see what's going on in the game? Why not learn about it, why not interact with them about it, and maybe we can build a beautiful bond here. And then the belief that I take from that as Wow, it's, it's when I when I talk about sports, or that it's really fun. But it's like, that was one of the experiences I had in my life that built a story that built the belief. And so I just think what happens is, the reason some of us are shy, is we've had enough experiences in our life where maybe we were a kid, and we were three years old, and we were a blabber mouth. And one day, our mom or dad came home from work, and they just had a really long day. And they were just like, just shut up, like you always talk, stop talking. And in that moment in our psyche, in our subconscious, we went, Wow, this hurts when I share my voice. So I'm just gonna stay shy. It's like, huh, it's done studies. And 50% of your beliefs, as in patterns as a human are formed by five years old. 95 by the time you're 18. So it's like we formed so many of these beliefs about who we are before we're even conscious that we once we become conscious, right, we got to intentionally decide, do I want to continue to be shy? Do I want to live a different way. And so for me that that, that if I had to look back on my life, that was sort of the reason that I kind of felt shy. And now I've learned to rewire it so that now instead of an experience, to a story to communication equals pain, my new experience, the story to belief is that like when I communicate, there's such unbelievable things that happen. Like if I was a shy, quiet kid that didn't communicate like you and I would not be here. And what an incredible moment that you and I get to share right now. You know what I mean? It's all because I know that when I communicate beautiful things happen. So it's, that's kind of my spiel on on being shy and how I got there, and how you can shift it. Yeah.

It's too I love I love that story. Because it just goes to show how susceptible we are when we're younger. Does that mean with no disrespect to you? Or that story? That moment wasn't huge, right? It's not like there was a big car accident. It's not like there was a death there was, you know what I mean? Like, it wasn't this crazy moment. But it didn't have to be. It didn't have to be it was the super sticky moment that immediately wrote a story that you decided to believe and continued to write. And that's it. Right? I forget who I was talking to. I've started to recent I think we're actually Ross Sable, I hear on the podcast was talking about how, you know, he's like, Yeah, my dad said something when I was super young. And to this day, I'm still trying to avenge what he said. Right? Like, but it was something flippin and off the cuff that his dad never even remembered. Right? You know what I mean? Like I can, I can think of things that my father said to me that, that I mean, I can recite to you exact quotes, and my dad is like, I remember saying that shit. And it's like, you don't remember saying it, but my counselor hears about it every other week. Right? So, right, like, it's just so crazy. A big story that I wrote myself, that wrote about myself when I was younger, is that people think you're funny, but they don't care about you. And so they don't think about you. And that was a big thing that I used to say about myself when I was younger, because people always be like, Oh, James, you're so funny. Oh, you're so cool. But then no one ever really wanted to date me. And that was the story that I wrote. And then also, people that I would come back from the weekend and everybody be talking about like, oh, that party was crazy. Oh, that party or that high school party, middle school party or whatever. And I was like, What fucking party? I don't know that party. Right? Like, I make you laugh all day. And they just don't think about me, like, what am I need to do to be memorable for you to care about me? You right. And so like, that's the story that I wrote that even to this day, like, the way that shows up today in my life is, is that if you if you are going to complement me, I'm going to dig in for Leah, four layers deeper into the Y so that you prove it to me, right, which no one needs to do just take the compliment, bro. Right. And so, but it's so fascinating how these little moments like you said, they just compounds and and they turn into these stories that impact the way we show up in the world. at whatever age. It's crazy. And so I appreciate you sharing that story, man.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, if you think about the intention behind the person that said it to you. Most likely, like when my dad was like, ah, like in turn up the game. It's like, he wasn't going I want to show my son that when it communicates bad things happen. Like that's his intention was like, I want my son to live the most beautiful life that he can ever live. And I want him I want him to be happy and all of these things like that was his intention. That was just Again, the story that I took from it, but it is true, like you said it was. It was a small moment in kind of the scope of things if you really look at it, which is crazy how we do that to ourselves.

Yeah, yeah. 100% I wonder how many people have convinced themselves they can't sing because that happened to them in a car one time or something, like, turn up the volume, right? Like,

my choir teacher. When I was in seventh grade. She said, sit in the back and pretend to sing. Oh, no. And to this day, I'm like, I swear I could have been a good singer. She, she corrupted me in my seventh grade, little old brain gash.

The nerve of these people, the nerve and these people. Mrs. Monk, I hope you're listening. Mrs. mounk. You crushed my dreams. Oh, shoot. That's awesome. So. So you see you dive into this business, the network marketing business business around fitness and health products and whatnot, you're in it, you do quite well, right. As we mentioned, you're making $8 million in it. Not not a small number. And then what happens? When do you decide you know what this isn't? This isn't for me. I got to get out. Yeah, like, what happened? Did you did you and your you and your boy have a fallout? Like, you know what went down?

Yeah. So I'm again a believer, again, you ask powerful questions, you get powerful answers. And so for me, I'm a big believer in following your gut, your intention, your intuition. And just making sure I'm always coming from a pure, genuine place, like if I don't feel genuine about something, something in my gut goes, this, we can't do this. And so I was in this business for probably three years. And at that point, something kind of started to turn in my stomach that it was like, you know, I don't know, if I fully believe what I'm saying anymore. Like, 100%. Like, there's part of me that is yeah, you know, I believe this and all these things. But there was part of me that said, and felt more. So this isn't really what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. And I didn't have really like the answers on like, why necessarily. But for probably like, six ish months, give or take, I was having these like, internal conflicts of like, do I keep doing this? Do I not? And I was leading a team of like, you know, three 4000 people. So I had all the people who I was leading. Yeah, that were looking to me on Hey, Stu said, this is possible, we can do this. This is the dream. So if I were to leave, that like that was probably one of the hardest things for me is like, How do I tell all these people that I, that I painted this vision for that, like, I don't believe in the vision anymore. So it's really tolling, it was like, I don't feel like I'm supposed to do this. But I have all these people that are like, relying on me. And basically, what happened to save a long story is the company internally had some things kind of shift. Okay, and so it no longer made sense for us to be with the company. And so we kind of moved to a different company. Right? So it's like, if we went from doTERRA, to like, another company, for example. Sure. And once we went to this new company, it didn't feel the same as the past company. And now it was like, I had permission, in my sense. And in my belief, was it now if I went to everybody and said, This doesn't feel right to me anymore? Everybody would go, Well, that makes sense. It's a different company. So for me, it was kind of like I asked, and I was searching for something different in the universe, God, whatever you want to call it, gave me the answer to my question, by internally doing something in the company that kind of gave me an avenue to leave in a way that felt okay.

So that's when I left the opening shot shot through the gap real quick.

Yeah, so I saw the opening. And I was like, I'm out. Like, I'm gonna go do something like my guts saying, do some different stuff going. And so I left. And the wildest thing is like, when I left, after I'd left, I had this moment of like, I was actually much more than just a moment, it was several months, but this kind of phase of my life where it was like, I felt called to do something else. So I left and then it was like, like, what the heck is this? Like, what it what it? What did I leave for?

Yeah, sure. I

mean, is like, I left and I got into this place of having like, no idea. What is my purpose in this world? What am I supposed to be doing with my life? Why am I here? Like all these questions on the regular? Were going through my head because in that experience in that three and a half, four years, I live the cliche of you never work a day in your life if you love what you do. And so I went from that being lit up every single morning like that. jumping out of bed doing stuff that lit up my soul to now being like, what the heck am I supposed to do? But I know that I must get back to that quality of life where I love what I do. Because if it's possible, if I've done it once, I can do it again. And so this is where I kind of went into a large I don't know what you want to call it, tornado Twister. tailspin of like, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I know, I can live a life that lights me every single day. So how the heck do I figure this out? And so for me, first thing was like, I'm going to go travel. And I'm gonna find myself traveling. Like, you know, so many people say I went on this trip, and yeah, everything clicked. I found my purpose. I was like, heck, I'll give that a shot. Because I had a I had another gut kind of pulled it was like go to New Zealand. You've always wanted to live there. And it's like, you've always wanted to go there since you can remember. And I don't know why I ever had this poll, but I just always felt pulled to New Zealand.

You know, Lord of the Rings fan from back in the day. And

I don't even think I've ever watched the full Lord of the Rings.

So well. It's your shit together. But anyway, keep going.

Sorry, Frodo. But yeah, so I went to New Zealand. And like you mentioned, I went to Bali for three weeks and kind of explored there, then got to New Zealand, and then two days into being there. Two days before my birthday. Basically, I noticed just being like, open and vulnerable. And for all my guys listening. It was like, I noticed my my boys downstairs. If you catch my drift, one of them was much larger than it should be. And I started and so like, I'm in New Zealand. I've been there two days. And I was like, this is like weird. I'm sure I like Googled it, you know, sock couple things. It could be this. It could be that some things you probably don't Google and

Google gets real scary. Real quick. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like, I'll go to the hospital tomorrow, I had a skydiving appointment in the morning. I was like, if this is something bad, like I'm doing this jump, because it's going to be epic. So like, when I did the jump, it was unfreaking believable. And then went to the hospital. And again, kind of long story short, two days later, after doing tests in the doctors for a bit. They like brought me into the room sat me down did like the kind of like out of a movie scene where they're like, right, like, you have some sort of tumor. It can either be benign, meaning it's nothing or it can be cancerous. But like we suggest you get in the next plane flight, go home, see your doctor and like really figure out what this is because it has the potential to be serious. And so I got on the plane, and I got on the plane and flew home and saw my doctor and basically, you know, he was like a specialist. And he was like, Yeah, this so this is testicular cancer. And so it ended up being cancer. And so for like six months to a year, I went through just like surgery and ended up spread into my stomach. So they cut my stomach up and pulled cancer out there. And it was a whole big process that honestly just ruined my seven month trip that I was going to do New Zealand find yourself what a buzzkill

can Americana man find himself in New Zealand and just just once.

Yeah, and so then, you know, I mean, it was definitely part of my journey. I've learned a lot of things through that. But even after that, it was like I came out of the cancer healed. And again, I was like, okay, like, now I'm better. I've dealt with this. But again, like, what the heck am I supposed to do with my life? So I just kept going into searching and trying things and doing different things. And it led to working for Vance for a little bit the action sports company. Nice, right? So that was wicked. They're like a beautiful company, back to your skateboard goals to back to my skateboard roots. Right? And then once I was there, I asked this question to myself, and this question changed my life. And the question was, if I woke up in five years and owned this company, because for me, I wanted to do stuff in the entrepreneurial space. If if you're someone and you don't want to do that, the question you would ask is, if I woke up and five years from now and was doing what my boss was doing, and then the tail end of that question is would I be ecstatic excited, fired up, like, holy crap, I cannot believe this is my life. And instantly the answer that came to me because when we quit, when we asked questions we get answers was no, you want to go help people. You want to work with people, you want to help people figure out what they want to do with their life. And it was like, such a moment of clarity in my life. And that's when I started everything with finding direction which is really like a big focus of what I'm doing now and helping people figure out what they want to do with their life with the podcast that you were on. And that's kind of to go down a long road. What those next what those next few yours look like to kind of get me to where I'm at today.

Stew what a journey. What a joke literally and figuratively. What? What a journey. I first off, I just watched a show about Airbnbs in Bali looks lovely. Hope you had a great time.

Yeah, you gotta go if you haven't heard it's a special place.

Yeah, and I'm not a basic white boy if I don't so I gotta go. And girl summer, girl so we out here hot girl summer students. I told you I'm trying to shake this cold. Because hot girl summer is upon us. But but to go to New Zealand, this place of your dreams to skydive and then go to a doctor's appointment and find out this news. What? What a moment. And it's interesting, right? Because you are someone centric, because you're someone who clearly is attuned with what's next. Right? Like, you've asked yourself, what's next? Where do I want to go? What, what's the bigger picture here? Why does this matter? Does it matter enough? Or should I shift right? Like, you're asking you ask yourself, and that was a network marketing company. You're asking yourself that even when you go to school, and you're like, I'm going to leave school and do this thing, right? Like, it's been a few moments, a number of moments in your life, where you have had the courage to make the pivot, and just go, which is amazing. So then getting cancer is a hard stop. But yet, the man that you are and the pattern that you've been living is, is one that oftentimes people learn after they get an illness like cancer, right? Like oftentimes that moment of reflection of like, what am I doing? Where do I want to go? What is what matters in life? It's interesting, cuz you were already that kind of man. And so to go through a thing, like cancer, I mean, it's, I mean, it's got to amplify it, right? I mean, anytime you put your, the finality of your life into perspective, it's got to ramp it up. But I mean, how, how was that moment for you finding out that you had cancer and that it spread to your stomach? Right? That's scary, bro. Like, what was it? What was that moment? Like? And, and who helped you get through it?

Yeah, it's interesting, not perspective you have, because I've never looked at it that way. And, you know, as I reflect back on my life, like I've, I've had some lessons from my cancer journey. But I, I don't feel like I quite had that moment. Like you're saying, where people get cancer, and they go, Oh, my God. What is life? And maybe it was because I was kind of already delving into some of that I don't I don't really know fully.

Let's just say yes, because it makes me sound good. Yeah. I'm totally playing it.

Yeah. I'm a massive fan of this philosophy. So kind of what happened for me is, so I got home, I went to the doctors, and I went with my mom and dad. Yeah, and we're in there. And like, to this day, and I recently actually had this conversation with my parents where I was like, what it? Like, what was it like for you, because I cannot imagine being a father and someone going, your son or daughter has cancer like that? You can my guts, you know what I mean? Like it just twist them up in all the wrong ways. But so we're sitting there, and the doctors, you know, they like do their checks. They're tasked to do ultrasound, all these different things. And he's like, yeah, so it's testicular cancer. And so you know, we get the news, we leave the office. And literally, the moment we walked out of the office, I just looked at my parents, and I said, Don't talk to me any differently. Don't treat me differently. Don't treat me like I have something that's gonna kill me. Because if you plant that seed that seed can grow. And we don't even want to entertain that thought. So just, just, yeah, and so for me, it was so and everybody has a different way. Like, I've, I have other friends that have had cancer, that have cancer that have gone through these journeys, and everybody has their different experiences, but worked for me, was I wanted to surround myself with people. That always reinforced to me. Everything's gonna be okay. Like, we're blessed. We have another day we woke up, we're breathing, like, everything's gonna be great. And then I got home. And probably the scariest moment for me in this journey was I got home and my brother who's like my best friend, he's my older brother than like a mentor to me in my life. He's like, sitting in this chair. And I walked through the kitchen over to like the living area where he's sitting in the chair, and he turns around, looks at me, and the words out of his mouth were holy crap. Like, it was like, Oh, my God, you have cancer. And he like gave me a hug, but the words I heard was, holy shit, you might die. And it was like, again, rift my God. Yeah. And as soon as he said that, instantly, and I agree with you as a pattern in instantly my pattern was, don't talk to me don't say that don't don't plant that seed in my mind because you plant it, it can grow. And we don't want that seed to even grow. And it was such a, it made the entire journey so much easier. And I think it's interesting even kind of talking about this now that it's like, as we approach other things in our life, whether it's cancer, whether it's figuring out what we want to do with our life, whether it's, whatever it is, we're going through, as soon as we plant the seed for negativity, it creates an opportunity for that seed to grow. So what we can do is, as soon as that seed pops up, have a conversation with the seed, and go, seed, don't talk to me. Don't come at me that way. I'm not even gonna plant to my brain. Because the moment you sink into my brain, you can start to grow and we're not even gonna go there. Right. And so that helped me get through the cancer. It like you said, it's spread to my stomach, I was still like, I need to travel. So I had a trip planned to Iceland. And I was going to go to Iceland, Europe, all these places. And again, this is like the two day curse. I guess two days before my dad calls me. And it goes, they moved up your stomach surgery appointment, it's gonna be in three days, you need to cancel your site. I supposed to travel right now. So I cancelled it. Um, they basically cut me open from like your chest bone to your pubic bone. So it's like a, I don't even know 16 inch incision like big, big surgery and they pulled out 23 lymph nodes, five of them were cancerous. And fortunate for me, that was kind of the end of like, they were able to remove all the cancer. So it was a it was a process, man. It's a journey and every single day, I'm continuing to learn from it. Yeah.

How did your parents respond to that when you ask them more recently about what that what their journey was? For for you? Because I needed I mean, like,

I could almost cry. We were all crying. It was like, my it was like I cuz I never wanted to ask him it when I was going through it, obviously. But yeah, I've had enough conversations with people that I was I eventually got curious enough and was like, what were they thinking? It was just like, we're all crying. They were like, I they're like I prayed harder than I've ever prayed. Like, I was so like, just scared. Like, you know, it's yeah, it's gnarly. And so we're all just crying. They're like, I'm so glad that we got through that. And, you know, my dad, thankfully, my mom was like, he was such a he was so strong through the process for her, which was really helpful for her. And you know, he's like, we're gonna get through this. It's gonna be all fine. And it was a good prognosis. I wasn't like I had 20% chance to live like I was. You had a good chance to live. But I think the word cancer regardless of your prognosis does freak people out. Heck yeah. But yeah, it was sense talking to them. After about it. It was. It was as gnarly as you would think it would be to hear that your kid had cancer? Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Heck, yeah, dude, you gotta be well enough right now. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, and, you know, I remember my father. My father is probably eight years ago now at prostate cancer. And like, I'm some, I'm somebody who thinks about the death of my parents a lot. That may sound weird to you. But I do because I just, you know, I want to know that I'm maximizing the time, right? Like, I never wanna, yes, maximize. Exactly. And like, any time I look, I'm calling too much. And whatever too much. It's like, no, there is no too much right now. Because eventually is going to be to none, or two, right? And so, and I just, you know, I was, I wasn't ready for it to happen that early. So, but I remember that being a turning point for me where I just started, call it whatever the hell I felt like it. And with no remorse. I was like, Yeah, it's me again. You're welcome. How are you? So yeah, yeah,

it's, it's interesting. I was listening to this interview with Will Smith the other day, okay. And one of the things that he mentioned it is when his when his father passed, he was, and I've never looked at it this way, either. He said, I was given the gift that they told me my dad had six weeks to live. I've seen studies where you tell people how long they're going to live. It's crazy statistics that once you tell someone they have six weeks to leave, it plants the seed, the seed grows, and it's like 80% of people die right around that point. But if you don't tell them studies show that people live much longer than that time. But he said it was a beautiful gift. And the gift that it gave him was because he knew he only had six weeks it was like every moment because his dad I think lived nine weeks or something. So every day after that six weeks, it was like every single hug every single interaction every single conversation was so present so so just like real, because it was like you never know if you leave tomorrow if that person is gonna be there, but it's like the truth is, that's the reality with you and I have In this conversation, yeah, like, crazy shit happens in this world. So like, why not treat these conversations like we're having right now where it's like, so present so intentional, because, you know, tomorrow's tomorrow's not promised?

Yeah. Amen to that. Amen to that. It's beautiful man. And thank you for, for telling us about about that journey. And yeah, I just it's it is it is kind of cool to see the way that pattern kind of played out in your life. And so, in your pursuit of finding what is next, you casually wind up hanging out with a little dude named Tony Robbins, eventually, how did Tony Robbins happen to your life? Did you go to one of his seminars like a UPW? Or something like that, or did they find you? Or what happened after Vance?

So? Yeah, so I went when I was 20 years old, I want to say, I'm 28. Now, when I was 20, I went to see Tony. And I was like, immersed in personal development. At this point, probably for a year I had heard of him, I'd been to other live events like Bob Proctor and things like that. And I always had a pull to Tony, like, just I was like his events look while they're living like a party concert with personal development intertwined. And so I went to one of his events. And it was crazy. Like, it massively changed my life. Like we walked on fire, we did all these cool things. I like rewired the way that I thought about myself. Some of those early memories, kind of that I was touching about earlier with my dad, I was able to, like clear some of those things up and make peace with with those things. And it was like such a beautiful experience. And so fast forward over the next. I guess it'd be six ish years, I always just kind of stayed plugged in with this stuff. Like I would go to events here, I would volunteer a little bit here. And there, I worked with a coach for a little bit. And eventually, in my life, I had left school twice and came back. Because that's just the way that I did it. And I'm very grateful for the way that I did it. Yeah, left once because of the business left the second time because of cancer. And so when I finally graduated, I began to ask myself, there's two roads that I can take in my life. One, I fully dive in entrepreneurship, do my thing, foot on the gas, like go time, and I do that and I trip, I fall I learn, I get back up a trip, I fall, I learn, and I take that journey. Second journey, is I find someone who's the best of the best. And I learned from them by directly working with them.

Because I wanted a new Jed.

I wanted a new jet. Right? And so for me when it when the question became Alright, who's the greatest in this industry of personal development. It was Tony Robbins. And so what was beautiful. And again, it's like, I'm a believer that everything we do in life prepares us for the next moment. And so once I got to this decision of which am I going to go, I figured, let me at least kind of poke around in the Tony Robbins world and see if something can come up this. And previous when I was in this network marketing when I was in this business for four years, I became such an I went from shy to like an ridiculously good communicator, I went from shy to being like an incredible networker, like just like a networking ninja, just different ways to meet people build relationships connect with people, like all these different things. So I use those skills to get my get myself into Tony Robbins. And so I had met people, I had built relationships, I had created connection, I had added value, I did all these things, to eventually it connected me to the person who was the person that was bringing people onto the team that I'm on now. And so I connected with him. And naturally, it was just like a perfect fit. It was like the skills I had match what they were looking for. I'm ridiculously driven person. So that obviously helps. And so I met with them and kind of went through the process of coming onto the team and after. I think it was like a four month interview process. Eventually, they were like, Alright, you're, you're on and so now I've been with Tony for going on two years. And it's I've learned a lot I've grown a lot. Yeah. Been able to meet some really cool people and yeah, man it's it's been fun to to learn from him and work from him. Because you know, he's like, honestly, it's like an idol to me.

And the man is a machine man is a

machine Yeah. I think he just turned 61 And he's like he's like yeah, I'm not I'm not stopping like watch out. You know he's in his energy is ridiculous. So yeah,

yeah, it's crazy. The Yeah, what what do you what are you doing for the Tony Robbins organization?

So I'm basically a national trainer for him. Okay, Tony goes in and he does like 10,000 person speeches companies. Pam 50,000 trillion million dollars, whatever, they pay him a lot of money. But when there's like a smaller group, that's when I come in, and I work with like a smaller group. And we do training. And it's all about like, your mindset, your beliefs, like so many times in life, we know what to do, but we don't do it. And it's because there's these things in the middle, unconsciously getting in the way of us, like doing the things that we actually want to do with our life, I come in and help people close that gap. So that's kind of like some of the trainings I do. And then ultimately, that funnels back into the events with Tony, where it's like, you know, you enjoy this, you want more than we get people's opportunities to go like, see Tony live. But that's what I do. And it's fun, man, it's like, that's awesome. It's deep work, you know, like, we get to really get like, why are you where you're at in your life? Are you where you want to be? If you're not like, let's have a real conversations about like, how do we how do we get you there? Because if we don't have those real conversations in a year, five years, 10 years, you're probably going to wake up being in the same place doing the same thing being the same person having the same regrets? Because because you didn't take a real look at yourself in the mirror.

Yeah, I got two questions for you. And then we'll move on from Tony is up here in Minnesota, they call it a twofer. So, the two questions are as a businessman, and someone who is doing his own thing as well, we're gonna get to that in a minute. I'd be curious to hear what's one thing you've taken away as a business man. And as long as I as an entrepreneur, from your experience working with with his organization, then the other question is, what's one thing that has surprised you or that you didn't expect or that caught you off guard, it could be a good way or whatever way in working for the organization?

So to answer the first question is systems I'm like, in a lot of what I do, it's live interactive. Like nowadays, we do a lot of it on Zoom, because obviously, the world shifted a little bit, like I do actually 99% of it on Zoom now. But there's so many systems that if you have in place, your business will run so much smoother. And what I've observed being this company is if you don't have the right systems, a lot of things get messed up a lot opportunities get wasted. A lot of for us potential lives, that could be literally changed, get lost, and don't get changed, like people continue to suffer, if you don't do the right things. But if you could, if you can put the right things in place, then you create so much more opportunity to create impact. Yeah. So I would say one of the biggest things I've learned is just like the massive, massive importance on having the right systems in your business, so that you can be the most effective. I

love that. That makes a ton of sense. And that's not the way my brain works. And so like I actually did a higher 14 in a nice business. And I literally brought them in and I said we need systems. I don't know what systems are. And so you're gonna do research on systems and figure out one that works for us. And like that was I mean, that was just, I was like, I know, we need something. And that was that's kind of that was our starting point into systems, whether it's a CRM, or you know, those kinds of things. And so yeah, that makes a lot of sense to me, for sure. And then what's one thing that surprises you, or surprised you?

Um, I would say something that surprised me is, like, before I worked with Tony, I would go to his events I would experience at all these different things. But I think what surprised me and continues to surprise me is the man's preparation. So it's like, for any event, whether it's a big one, a small one is an enormous one. The amount of dedication and preparation he has to serve someone is just insane to watch. Like you would think, I think, for his UPW his like main event, he's done, like 100 now or something like that, like a lot of them. But yet for every single one. It's not like he's like, Oh, it's tomorrow, I'll just show up. It's like, No, we prepare, we plan we strategize. How can we get the absolute most best experience out of this? And I think that's something that's surprised me more than I thought it would. Actually seeing it from like the inside.

Yeah, that relentless energy of delivering an outrageous project. Project is that's incredible. Our product I should say. Yeah, that's beautiful.

And just his work ethic. You watch it from the inside, you're like, Dang, this do really 24/7 Move and shaken.

24/7 Yeah, I love it, man. Well, thank you for sharing, sharing a little bit about that experience with us. And I think it's, I think it's incredible to hear. Again, kind of going back to some of your patterns. and that way you are in constant pursuit of the next. And it is it's cool. Because at the same time you you commit to the moment, right, I think we see a lot of people that jump jobs every year, because they're not committing to the moment writing and let be like, hey, you know, let me let me get in here, the easy thing to do is to leave. And that's an easy isn't always right. And like, there are times where we need to recognize the role we played the energy, we brought in the mindset that whatever that potentially created the environment that we now load, and that we're trying to run from, right. Like, I'm not saying it's always our fault, but I'm saying we frequently take ourselves out of the equation to keep blaming other people. And so it's a it's a bigger mix. And so, so that's what I appreciate, right? It's not like you didn't you didn't do the network marketing thing for a year and a half. You didn't, you didn't do this for whatever. I mean, the only thing you didn't commit to is having to stick up for cancer. That sounds like that's pretty quick. But that's fine. Man. we all we all split it every once in a while. But the the thing is, is that you now help individuals find direction, find their direction. Why does that matter to you? Where do they where did that come from? I mean, I could see it happening in your life. And at some point, we, I think a lot of speakers teach what they also want to hear, need to hear or want to hear. And so there's a little bit of that. But I'd be curious to hear from you from from your face. A little bit of why why finding direction is, is where you are planting your flag right now.

Yeah, so for me, the reason that it's where I plant my flag is honestly because it's, it's where I had for me like the deepest pain in my life. And like, I put it over cancer, like for me, this was worse than having cancer was kind of, as I mentioned, I left the company, I said, there's something else I'm supposed to do. But then I went into this space, of just feeling so lost, and like not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. And that was so painful. That for me through a journey out of that was for six years after that, and including the four before when I went through the next six years and really figured out like, How do I open any door that I want, if I want to work in action sports, I could work with a number one company, if I want to work in personal development, I can work for the number one company and after continuously figuring out what do I want to do with my life and pivoting in all these different ways to make it my reality? I sort of had this massive realization that it was like, I am not the only person that's asking this question. Like, I'm not the only person that's going through my life saying, What do I want to do with my life? Or why am I here? Or like what lights up my soul? And so that's when at first the podcast was born. And the podcast was all just like when you were on the show is like let's go through people's lives like yours who have lived unbelievable, cool lives, and figure out how the heck did you get there. And so it's like, you know, now we have 160 episodes I've been able to meet. So such amazing people like yourself. And then what it's really started to turn turn into is like working directly with people. And, you know, we can give you the podcast and insights and strategies on that. But it's like, after spending 10 years of my life building skills over these years. And then over the last six years directly being, I mean, mainly focused on this. It's now taking all of the lessons I've learned in the last 10 years and helping people like really answer that question of what do I want to do with my life. And another reason that it's like such a such a fire in me is it's like I think there's way too many people that go through our life and go, it's like, it's just my job. Like, it doesn't really matter if I like it or not. It's like 80% of people statistics show don't like what they do. And it's like, if you really started to boil down the numbers, it's like our working life is like it's more than a quarter of our life. Like, it's like, would you write off 25% of your life in misery? I think anybody if you asked it in that manner would say that's a silly decision. That's that's thinking, thinking. But so many of us do it because societally in society, we're taught will, you know, it's just kind of your job. But it's not something that lights up your soul versus it's like if we ask ourselves at the end of the day, what is the job? Right? Some of us may look at it and go, Well, it's a way we make money to provide for our life. The way I see it, is a job is a way to expand upon your light that you were supposed to give to this world. You know, I mean, so So kind of that's, that's why I'm here doing what I'm doing now, with this is it's like I believe we all deserve a quality of life, where we wake up every single day pinching ourselves going Holy crap, I can't believe this is my life. Like we live in an abundant world. Someone else out there right at this moment has your dream job. Someone is living your dream life. So if they've been able to do it, doesn't it make sense that you could do it if you explored that avenue if you were really committed to it? And that's kind of what I bring to the table people's it's like, rather than trying to go through the process yourself, let me give you strategies, tactics that I've learned going through this process. So instead of getting there in 10 years, you can get there, you know, in a couple months or a couple years much quicker.

Yeah. First chapter of the book, find your Jed. The

I love that.

Shout out to Jed. I was gonna have a runner, I'm an improviser. So I got a job that comes back, you understand, you understand? It's like my french fries, we just keep sticking them in. So the the concept that you just shared, is powerful. And, and I completely agree with you. You know, one of my mottos in life is never settle. And that's a model that at times gets me into trouble because at times I set unrealistic expectations to myself, and not necessarily that the goal is unrealistic, but the timeline is right, like, and so then that leads to me shutting on myself, or beating myself up or getting frustrated, or, or getting frustrated with my partner when you know, she wants to do this. And I'm like, Yeah, but I got to do his thing, because I'm gonna put a thing, right, or maybe I'm not, maybe I'm not embracing every moment with our newborn son, because I'm like, I gotta go to I gotta be, I got a legacy, right? Like, then so and so I'm working on that with my counselor if I don't fire her. But then and that's, that's been powerful. And so those, those expectations that we set for ourselves are, are interesting. And so also, what I hear and what you're sharing is, you know, if there's a life that you want, you're your dream, your dream job is out there, somebody is doing it. And if you want it, then let's let's figure it out, right? And let's hustle towards it. That sounds great. And I agree with you. But there's this little thing that gets in the way. And it's called our brain. Right? It's called being, you know, insecurity. And so what kind of work do you encourage individual self work do you encourage individuals do to do to help them rewrite some of the stories of I can't, or it's not for me, or no one who's ever looked like me has blank, write it, because it's also mentioned that, you know, societal oppression is a very good reason why some people don't do and reach their potential. And so but, but still, like, a word that you and I are both passionate about is vulnerability. And vulnerability is not just an outward thing. It's also an inward thing, and being vulnerable with ourselves. And I'd be curious to hear you talk a little bit about that, you know, what role does? Does that self reflection and rewriting internal stories play in this process? For you?

Yeah, I would say there's, there's like two major ways that you could do it. There's, I'm sure many others. But two of the main ones that I see is one is like a major life event, where it's like maybe, like, again, if we kind of go into, let's say, cancer, for example, like you have someone in your life, something happens, they pass away, and you have this moment of like, you know, what, I saw the way they lived, and I will never live my life like that. So instantly, you make a radical change in your life. So like, that's one way that it can happen. And it doesn't have you could be in a car accident, you almost you know, you could be you got cancer, it could be all these different things. But the other way that you can do it, I think maybe the better way to do it, for sure, is by surrounding yourself with people that think the same way. Right? Because we are an average of the expectations of the people we surround ourselves with. So if you're around people all day long that go, it's just the job or you're not really gonna like it, or that's the safe route when the reality look at COVID the last 18 months, there is no safe route, plenty of people took the safe route, and they got squashed. Right. So it's like, if you constrain yourself instead of people around that, with around people that are going, you got this, like if you want to live that life, I don't care whether this happened to you or that or you grew up this way. Like if you surround yourself with people long enough that believe in you, eventually you're going to start to believe in you. Right? Because it's like building a muscle. Right? If we went to the gym once and we lifted a dumbbell and we came out we go I'm gonna be ripped. I'm gonna be jacked. Like, it will go you're crazy

hot girl son.

You have a hot girl summer do you need to go seven days a week? Do you go five days a week? Right? So we all get it from that sense. But sometimes when we try to shape and change our stories in life, we think that we can lift one dumbbell and average have everything changed, but the reality is, is it's a muscle like you got to consistently be practicing this and I think the best way to do it is by surrounding yourself with other people that are having the same beliefs views, outlooks on the world. because you surround yourself with those people, you have conversations with them long enough, you start to go holy crap, I really can change my story, I really can start to shift some of these things. And, you know, so I think that's one of the most powerful ways that you can do it.

Yeah, it goes right back to what your analogy before, of what seeds are you fertilizing in your brain? And which ones are you trying to, you know, force out and tell him like not to say the same where you live, homie, you got to you got to get out of here, you got to go home, but you got to get out my brain. Like those. Yeah,

good. And I think the beautiful thing too, like you're saying, like, as you sprinkle in vulnerability there, it's like, if you can put yourself around the right people that support you. And you can be vulnerable about where you are in your life. Like, truthfully, honestly, what you want, you just be real, like, put the walls down for a second. If you are in the right type of a support system, those people would lift you up. If you're in the wrong type of a support system. If you're around the wrong people, you may get vulnerable and they go toughen up, or like whatever they're gonna say, right? Like you and I were kind of talking about before we start recording is it's like, as men vulnerability is kind of this. It's a little bit of a different thing where it goes now you got to be tough, strong, manly all this. Yes. But the reality is, you do need to be vulnerable in your life, you got to be real, right? So that you don't wake up one day in your like, mid life as people, whatever age that is now and have that awakening moment of like, holy crap, why am I here? Why is this my life? How did I get here? It's probably because you, you were never really vulnerable, you didn't check in with yourself. And you didn't do it around the right group. Because if you're around people that are believers that are encouragers, that are people that will lift you up when you go vulnerable. All they do is their heart connects with you and they go holy crap, I've probably felt that same way. I've probably been through something similar. And if I haven't, I got your back. Right? Let's figure out how do we get you through this to get you to where you want to be? Because you're around those right people. But you got to be vulnerable. 100%

Amen to that brother. Vulnerability takes courage and you my friends aren't courageous. And so yeah, let's say, Yeah, that's a powerful message. And I think also, again, like you said, who you surround yourself with? Are you surrounding yourself with coaches and mentors, people who ask you the hard questions, or are you surrounding yourself with people who validate you the store and validate the stories that you're writing? Right? Because at the end of the day, it's fine. When we tell stories, it's fine. When we tell stories, stories are very important. And it's also important that we bring in accountability, to changing the story. And sometimes I know for me that sometimes I'm not I'm not the best accountability, buddy for myself, sometimes I need I have friends that need to hold me accountable. When I was writing my first book, I intentionally told the handful of people like I'm telling you, because I know you're gonna ask me about it. And I know I can't look you in the eye and tell you I have written the damn thing since the last time we talked. Right? Like some of those kinds of people in our lives. That's not everybody. There are a few people that if I if I tried to put them in that boat, and they were like, has your book kind of like the fuck out who I don't care about you, bro. Right? Like, you can't you can't you can't tell me what to do. Right? It's interesting. Not everybody has access to hold us accountable. But it is important to find out who those people are. Let them in and ask for help.

Yeah, 100% Put yourself around the right people. Yeah.

Stu, I love this brother. And I appreciate you man. It's been so dope hanging out with you and just thank you for sharing your story. And then the tangents we went on it's it's super powerful man. I just I'm grateful for this side with you man. How you feeling right now?

I I'm feeling just good man. Like grateful for life. And I think it's something I try to practice in my life is just like be present be grateful and just being here with you. I feel like I've been my do my best to be present feel like in this conversation. I've been incredibly present and I I put that as a testament to who you are. And so I'm just grateful for you having me here man. I'm feeling Feeling good. Feeling positive. It's getting a little hot in my place because I did close the windows 95 in humans so I'm feeling I'm feeling phenomenal man.

Yes brother. Yes. Do let the people know where where can they find you and connect with you? You obviously we got the the finding direction podcast. But tell tell us a little bit more man about where the people can find you.

Yeah, so if anybody's listening to this live because I know we're streaming. The best way that I would tell you to get a hold of me is we're doing a five day challenge and it's called a five day find your future challenge. Now if you go to finding direction University comm you can find all the details on the challenge. So if you're alive right now one what's up? Thanks for joining us. Um, but if you're not listening to this live you're listening to this as podcast recording. The best place to find me I would say is I created like a A document and it's all about everything I've learned over the last 10 years in regards to figuring out what you want to do with your life. And so if people want access to that, it's called three steps to finding direction in under 10 minutes. So it's super quick. And you can find it at finding direction university.com forward slash three steps. So if anybody wants to go, they're finding direction diversity.com forward slash three steps. And that if you want to connect, you can find me on social media. With my name, I am everywhere and if you have questions, anything I can do to support you reach out and I would be humbled to have a conversation with you. Yes,

he would, my friends and you should take advantage of that. That sounds incredible. Stu, it's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for for coming in the diner my brother hope you leaving Fullan content.

Absolutely. Extremely full. Extremely content. James. Thank you so much for having me, man. I appreciate you.

Hell yeah, brother. Hell yeah. I appreciate you. Dude. Y'all. That was my boy Stu massengill hanging out in the diner dropping some gems. And I just I appreciate someone who is who is looking for what's next. But at the same time, enjoying the moment that he's currently living in. That's a tough balance to find, realizing that this moment matters. How can I dig my claws in and be here right now and try to make the best of my current situation, but also having some in the back of your head being like, what do I want to do with my life? I think that balances is very hard, but I love the way that Stu talked about it today. But it was really special getting to hear his story and it was special. Getting to hear it with you. Thank you for coming to the diner, my friends. Until the next time that we hang out. Keep punching small talk in the face by asking better questions. You all take care.