In part two of our conversation with Professor Chad Ford, we take a deeper look at what it means to be a professional peacemaker. Chad shares the realities of mediation work—the challenges, the setbacks, and the deeply rewarding moments that come with helping others resolve conflict. We explore the many paths to a career in peacemaking, from family and organizational mediation to international peacebuilding, and discuss why authentic curiosity and self-reflection are essential for anyone drawn to this work. Chad also shares his path to a career in conflict resolution around the world. Whether you’re considering this work or simply want to bring more peace to your own life, Chad’s story and insights will inspire you to see conflict—and its resolution—in a new light.
Chad Ford is an international conflict mediator, facilitator, and peace educator known for his extensive peacebuilding work around the world. He holds a Master’s in Conflict Analysis and Resolution from George Mason University and a JD from Georgetown. He directed the David O. McKay Center for Intercultural Understanding at BYU–Hawaii for nearly twenty years, where he developed programs in intercultural peacebuilding. In 2024, Chad joined Utah State University, teaching courses on religion, peace, and mediation.
He has worked in conflict zones globally, facilitated for governments, NGOs, and corporations, and serves on the board of Peace Players International. Chad is the author of Dangerous Love and 70x7, books that explore transforming conflict and Christian peacebuilding. His hands-on experience gives him a unique perspective on resolving conflicts in families, organizations, and communities worldwide.
Chad Ford’s Book, Dangerous Love:
Chad's Substack:
https://chadford.substack.com/
Alfred Nobel and the Peace Prize:
https://www.nobelprize.org/alfred-nobel
Bertha Von Suttner:
https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1905/suttner/biographical/
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David Whippy, who is now the director of the McKay Center at
Chad Ford:BYU Hawaii, was a Fijian rap star.
Chad Ford:Went under the name WIP Z; came to BYU Hawaii from Fiji; was taking some
Chad Ford:psychology courses when someone told him, "Oh, you should try to take this peace
Chad Ford:building course." And I was so surprised that he would come into my class and
Chad Ford:you would see all these Fijians looking through the glass with their phones, like
Chad Ford:trying to take pictures of him, because he was really, really famous in Fiji.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Hi, I'm Aaron Miller.
Chad Ford:And this is How to Help, a podcast about having a life and career with
Chad Ford:meaning, integrity, and impact.
Chad Ford:This is season three, episode three: professional Peacemaking.
Chad Ford:How to Help is proud to be a part of the BYU Radio Family of podcasts.
Chad Ford:You've almost certainly heard of the Nobel Prize, but did you know that
Chad Ford:Alfred Nobel, who funded the prize, manufactured and sold weapons for war?
Chad Ford:At the time, his company was actually the largest in Europe.
Chad Ford:Now, Nobel didn't set out with this as a goal.
Chad Ford:He was a chemist and the inventor of dynamite, the blasting cap, and
Chad Ford:other innovations that made industries like mining safer for the workers.
Chad Ford:And this was the primary beginning of what became his vast wealth.
Chad Ford:It was later in life that he turned these inventions into weapons.
Chad Ford:And though Nobel was a supplier of war, he wasn't a war monger.
Chad Ford:In fact, he was convinced that as more powerful weapons became available,
Chad Ford:humanity would've no choice but to seek peaceful resolutions to their conflicts.
Chad Ford:The alternative in his mind was utter destruction.
Chad Ford:But Nobel never lived to see the invention of nuclear weapons.
Chad Ford:It might be argued that the power to destroy the world thousands of
Chad Ford:times over did encourage negotiations between nuclear states, but people
Chad Ford:still today are being killed by guns and landmines and tanks and missiles.
Chad Ford:It seems obvious by now that Nobel's vision of a peaceful world is never
Chad Ford:going to be built on mutual fear.
Chad Ford:Albert Einstein even gave a speech after the first nuclear bombs were
Chad Ford:dropped in Japan by US forces.
Chad Ford:Einstein used the occasion to invoke Nobel and he said this, "Alfred Nobel
Chad Ford:invented an explosive, more powerful than any known, an exceedingly effective
Chad Ford:means of destruction. To atone for this accomplishment, and to relieve
Chad Ford:his conscience, he instituted his award for the promotion of peace."
Chad Ford:Near the very end of his life, Nobel saw peace differently, mostly
Chad Ford:thanks to the friendship of a former secretary ,named Bertha Von Suttner.
Chad Ford:She was a lifelong peace activist and, although she worked for Nobel many years
Chad Ford:earlier and only briefly, they had a friendship that lasted for decades.
Chad Ford:Von Suttner spent that entire time trying to persuade Nobel to bring his
Chad Ford:intelligence and financial resources to the pacifist movement, and she
Chad Ford:consistently failed to convince him.
Chad Ford:Only at the end of Nobel's life did her efforts finally bear fruit.
Chad Ford:In 1888, Alfred allegedly saw an obituary in a French newspaper that
Chad Ford:was written after his brother's death, except the paper mistakenly
Chad Ford:thought it was Alfred who had died.
Chad Ford:It wasn't kind stating only this "A man who cannot very easily
Chad Ford:pass for a benefactor of humanity died yesterday in Cannes. It is
Chad Ford:Mr. Nobel, inventor of dynamite."
Chad Ford:The next year, Von Suttner wrote a book called Throw Down Your Arms, and it amazed
Chad Ford:Nobel who praised the way she "made war on war." More letters followed in which
Chad Ford:Nobel and Von Suttner discussed the idea of a prize for the promotion of peace.
Chad Ford:Alfred rewrote his will in 1895, died the following year,
Chad Ford:and the Nobel Prizes were born.
Chad Ford:Not only did Bertha Von Suttner win the fourth ever Nobel Peace Prize, and was
Chad Ford:the first woman to win it, she played a key role in the prize's very creation.
Chad Ford:But for her, it might never have existed.
Chad Ford:And the most amazing part is that she did this great thing, not by
Chad Ford:threats of violence or stoking fear, but by persuasion and peacemaking.
Chad Ford:This story embodies the reason for this episode, part two of my
Chad Ford:conversation with Professor Chad Ford.
Chad Ford:You last heard him talking about how we can establish more peace in our own lives.
Chad Ford:In this interview, we'll be talking about how to build peace for others.
Chad Ford:Professional peacemaking, as it were.
Chad Ford:As far as the job goes itself, it's hard.
Chad Ford:It's really, really hard.
Chad Ford:It takes time.
Chad Ford:It takes a lot of patience.
Chad Ford:As a mediator, you often have to push to surface disputes for people, which
Chad Ford:often turns you into the enemy because you're making people uncomfortable
Chad Ford:or you're asking people to talk about stuff when most people's conflict
Chad Ford:style is avoidance and they don't really want to talk about it at all.
Chad Ford:But you're asking all of these really hard questions and it
Chad Ford:makes it really, really difficult.
Chad Ford:There's a lot of failure involved.
Chad Ford:If I'm just being honest, I do not have a hundred percent track
Chad Ford:record or anything close to it.
Chad Ford:It's, it's, you know, more like maybe in the fifties or like, you know, low
Chad Ford:sixties of we get where we want to go.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Maybe talking about the difficulty of the job is not
Chad Ford:the best way to begin, but trust me, there are encouraging things to come.
Chad Ford:I just wanted to start with this so we've set out on solid footing.
Chad Ford:You may listen to this episode and feel called to be a peacemaker for others.
Chad Ford:I just want to make it clear that professional peacemaking is a tough job.
Chad Ford:That's hard because a lot of times I have to
Chad Ford:walk away from those things.
Chad Ford:And you know, the very delicate question between, "Was this me?
Chad Ford:Did I just not do this right?" or "Is this just a case where the parties
Chad Ford:aren't ready?" I can do everything right.
Chad Ford:And it doesn't matter because the parties themselves just aren't ready to do it.
Chad Ford:Are there other factors involved, like mental health issues, for example,
Chad Ford:where they, they really should be in therapy before they are in mediation?
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: To be honest, there aren't many jobs you get to keep when
Chad Ford:you only succeed a little over half the time, and especially where you don't
Chad Ford:even know if the failure was your fault.
Chad Ford:So what exactly is the job of being a professional peacemaker?
Chad Ford:You've probably heard it called "mediator." Essentially, the work
Chad Ford:of mediators is to bring people to a resolution where conflict is costly.
Chad Ford:And I mean, conflict is always costly, but mediators come in when
Chad Ford:the parties have a strong incentive to find a way forward together.
Chad Ford:Where are the jobs for mediators?
Chad Ford:There's a lot of paths, and it is, as you pointed out,
Chad Ford:a really viable, viable job.
Chad Ford:Um.
Chad Ford:It goes from everything from people who are working in family spaces
Chad Ford:and anymore you're seeing social workers and, uh, marriage and family
Chad Ford:therapist and, and psychologists that are picking up mediation skills.
Chad Ford:And so I've worked with a lot of psychologists and therapists and what
Chad Ford:have you as an add-on skill right?
Chad Ford:Now they have a skill that I don't have.
Chad Ford:I'm not a therapist, I'm not, I'm not trained to do that sort of mental
Chad Ford:health work that they're so skilled at.
Chad Ford:But mediation and conflict resolution end up playing a really big part.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Those are all the places where you might have
Chad Ford:expected mediation and professional peacemaking, but businesses and other
Chad Ford:workplaces need effective mediators too.
Chad Ford:In an organizational sense, the number one space where you see people fall
Chad Ford:into this is in human resources, right?
Chad Ford:Like human resources are constantly
Chad Ford:resolving conflict between employees and their, their bosses, sometimes with
Chad Ford:customers, with any sort of challenges that are happening in the organization.
Chad Ford:And, uh, it's a great entry level type of job where you can get
Chad Ford:lots of mediation experience, having some conflict resolution.
Chad Ford:Certificate mediation training is a huge plus on your resume to get in
Chad Ford:and often those people, and we've, we've have alumni who do that, end
Chad Ford:up getting promoted fairly quickly throughout the organization, because
Chad Ford:organizations need problem solvers.
Chad Ford:And where early on I was hired in a lot of more of the social context,
Chad Ford:increasingly the requests that I get are from organizations, uh, to come in because
Chad Ford:conflict is affecting their bottom line.
Chad Ford:The, the inability of people to work together in that space is affecting
Chad Ford:them and hitting them financially.
Chad Ford:I'll just add because people are like, "Is there any money in that?" There's
Chad Ford:amazing money, um, in that, right?
Chad Ford:If, if people are losing millions of dollars because they can't work
Chad Ford:together, you'd be shocked at what corporations are willing to pay
Chad Ford:to try to get that problem solved.
Chad Ford:Then for a few years, I even would offer essentially like
Chad Ford:a lawyer, a contingency fee.
Chad Ford:Like if, if I don't help, I get nothing, but if I help you said it's
Chad Ford:costing you X amount of dollars.
Chad Ford:I want 10% of that.
Chad Ford:Right.
Chad Ford:So I'll, I'll shoot for the moon and, and I, and I'm usually
Chad Ford:fairly confident that I can help.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Okay.
Chad Ford:Maybe the money isn't what's calling you.
Chad Ford:And the opportunities Chad's describing here take time to build your career so you
Chad Ford:have the credibility that gets you hired.
Chad Ford:If not in family conflict and not in the business world, where else can
Chad Ford:you be a professional peacemaker?
Chad Ford:In the nonprofit space and in the public space, you're seeing
Chad Ford:a growing need for mediators who are working often with other agencies,
Chad Ford:they're working with various communities.
Chad Ford:You're seeing a ton of this in environmental cases where mediators
Chad Ford:are, are the primary source of bringing together multiple stakeholders,
Chad Ford:that, um, have an interest in a particular environmental issue in
Chad Ford:a community or, and what have you.
Chad Ford:Um, the federal government a number of years ago, passed a mediation law that
Chad Ford:requires federal agencies where they have employee disputes to go through
Chad Ford:mediation as part of that before you can, let's say sue the federal government.
Chad Ford:And so every federal agency has on staff full-time mediators that
Chad Ford:are working in those agencies.
Chad Ford:So there's amazing things there.
Chad Ford:There's obviously the international work, um, that's going on to end, you
Chad Ford:know, larger scale conflict and wars.
Chad Ford:There are religious, uh, mediators.
Chad Ford:I have a good friend who is essentially on the payroll for the Methodist Church
Chad Ford:to go into congregations and do mediations between congregations that have issues
Chad Ford:with their pastors, you, you know, for example, and, and he has a full-time,
Chad Ford:full-time job doing all of that.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: If you haven't noticed in all of these jobs,
Chad Ford:you'll find opportunities for mediators wherever there's conflict.
Chad Ford:And there is sadly an endless supply of conflict around the world.
Chad Ford:If you're feeling drawn to this, but don't know what to do next, I think
Chad Ford:it's good now to spend some time learning about Chad's career path.
Chad Ford:What's it like to be a professional peace builder?
Chad Ford:How did Chad become one?
Chad Ford:His story started when he left his childhood home in Kansas City to attend
Chad Ford:university at BYU Hawaii, half away.
Chad Ford:. Chad Ford: Really, my dream was like, oh, I'll go there and surf
Chad Ford:and, you know, just, just have this, uh, you know, really fun experience.
Chad Ford:I'd always wanted to be in Hawaii; I had never even been.
Chad Ford:And when I got there, I was struck by two things immediately that really
Chad Ford:turned out to be life changing.
Chad Ford:One, just the intercultural nature.
Chad Ford:You know, growing up in Kansas City, Missouri, I'd not been exposed
Chad Ford:to the dozens, sometimes up to a hundred cultures that were all
Chad Ford:mingling together at BYU Hawaii.
Chad Ford:The other thing that struck me was that generally people got along and
Chad Ford:were finding ways to work together and, and collaborate together even
Chad Ford:often when their countries and their cultures historically did not.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Chad was first interested in doing film production ,and
Chad Ford:then picked a major in English only to be told by an astute English professor that
Chad Ford:he might be a better fit in a field that matched his passion for social issues.
Chad Ford:This led to a pivotal relationship for him.
Chad Ford:I met the director of the history program and, and then
Chad Ford:a younger professor there, Bill Kauaiwi’ulaokalani Wallace, who was,
Chad Ford:was a native Hawaiian who was working on Hawaiian sovereignty issues in Hawaii.
Chad Ford:He was an attorney, but it was also teaching Hawaiian history.
Chad Ford:We hit it off.
Chad Ford:I started thinking about the work that he was doing in Hawaii around
Chad Ford:indigenous rights and civil rights and human rights, and it had this
Chad Ford:deep and profound impact on me.
Chad Ford:I started thinking about these things more academically.
Chad Ford:I was writing about them.
Chad Ford:He encouraged me to go to law school.
Chad Ford:And you know, I came from a family that on both sides,
Chad Ford:I was going to be the first graduate on either side of my family from an
Chad Ford:undergraduate, um, program, uh, and that was the top of Everest for me.
Chad Ford:Had zero thought about going onto graduate school or doing anything else like that.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Now, law school might seem to be the last place you'd
Chad Ford:expect to find a budding peacemaker, but lawyers, believe it or not,
Chad Ford:are meant to resolve conflict.
Chad Ford:That's why a lot of mediators are also attorneys, except that the sad truth
Chad Ford:is that law school doesn't really prepare you for this kind of career.
Chad Ford:A student has to go their own way to find a path into peace building.
Chad Ford:The first year curriculum's pretty prescribed.
Chad Ford:That had nothing to do with what I was interested in.
Chad Ford:I was doing property law, and contract law, and, and personal injury, and torts.
Chad Ford:And on top of that I was thinking in this peace mindset,
Chad Ford:collaboration, working together.
Chad Ford:And, and you know, I, I don't want to cast aspersions of lawyers,
Chad Ford:but most of the talk and the program was, was really aggressive.
Chad Ford:And it honestly felt to me sometimes, like lawyers were creating as much
Chad Ford:conflict as they were solving.
Chad Ford:And, and I, I, I just, culturally, I think I, I just wasn't vibing, but
Chad Ford:one day I, um, saw flyer in the hall and Dennis Ross, who was the chief
Chad Ford:US negotiator for Middle East Peace at the time, was having a speech.
Chad Ford:And he had just got back from the Middle East and it was one of the,
Chad Ford:unfortunately many times that sort of Middle East peace negotiations
Chad Ford:had broken down and, and you know, there wasn't going to be an agreement.
Chad Ford:So I went and sat in the back, and there was this moment when he was
Chad Ford:talking about what was going wrong and, and why they were continuing
Chad Ford:to fail to get an agreement.
Chad Ford:And this, it's, it's hard to point to certain points in your life that were
Chad Ford:life-changing moments, but as he was talking, he said, "Look, as a diplomat,
Chad Ford:we learn how to get leaders together and get them in conversation with each
Chad Ford:other to make big changes that are going to lead their countries to peace.
Chad Ford:We actually think we're pretty skilled at it, but what we found in
Chad Ford:the Middle East is whenever we can get there, the leaders cannot go back
Chad Ford:to their constituents and sell that.
Chad Ford:In fact, they're often called traitors.
Chad Ford:They're often called sellouts that the people on the ground
Chad Ford:aren't prepared for peace."
Chad Ford:And he said like, "What we need are a new generation of people who
Chad Ford:learn how to work with people on the ground to prepare them for peace."
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: A generation to prepare people for peace.
Chad Ford:Have you ever had a moment of raw inspiration?
Chad Ford:This was that kind of moment for Chad.
Chad Ford:It was in that moment sitting there that I said, I, I want to do that.
Chad Ford:I don't know how to do that, but I, I want to do that.
Chad Ford:So I waited in line.
Chad Ford:I asked him, "Hey, you know what, how did you do that?
Chad Ford:Like, that's what I want to do.
Chad Ford:Like, is that a law school?
Chad Ford:What class should I take?" Or whatever.
Chad Ford:And he, he, he was kind of funny.
Chad Ford:He said, "If I knew the answer to that, I, I would tell you, but you're going
Chad Ford:to have to sort of figure that out."
Chad Ford:I was, I really disappointed.
Chad Ford:I'm like, you can't point me anywhere.
Chad Ford:And he said, "Well, I know this guy, his name is Wallace Warfield, he's at George
Chad Ford:Mason." They'd just started a new school for conflict analysis and resolution.
Chad Ford:It's a new master's and PhD program.
Chad Ford:He worked with Dr. Martin Luther King.
Chad Ford:So I skipped school the next day.
Chad Ford:I took the train to George Mason.
Chad Ford:I, this is back in the pre cell phone days.
Chad Ford:I literally like wait outside his office for him to show up.
Chad Ford:And he comes in and we have this brief conversation where he asked me, you know,
Chad Ford:what do I know about Martin Luther King?
Chad Ford:And I, I'm like, oh, I'm ready for this.
Chad Ford:I, I'm a big fan of Martin Luther King and I, you know, I'm telling him whatever.
Chad Ford:He is, like, "No, no, no.
Chad Ford:How did he do what he did from a social organizational standpoint?
Chad Ford:How did he create the change that he wanted to see?
Chad Ford:And I was like, "I, I don't really know." And he handed me his copy of, um, Martin
Chad Ford:Luther King's book, Strength of Love, and he said, "Read this book and if you're
Chad Ford:still interested, come back to see me."
Chad Ford:And what he didn't know is I was going to go outside of the office, sit under
Chad Ford:a tree, read the book cover-to-cover that day, and knock back out on his door
Chad Ford:in the afternoon and, and say I was in.
Chad Ford:And from that point, I ended up doing a joint degree at Georgetown Master's
Chad Ford:in Conflict Resolution/Doctorate, um, in law at Georgetown.
Chad Ford:I began to become hyper-focused on large scale religious and ethnic conflict
Chad Ford:with an emphasis on mediation and with an emphasis of really bringing
Chad Ford:people together who have what I would call intractable types of conflict.
Chad Ford:In other words, that doesn't seem that there's any way that these
Chad Ford:people could ever agree on something.
Chad Ford:How do you build the spaces to get them there?
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: You heard in part one of my interview with Chad about
Chad Ford:his work in the Middle East and other places where he's been helping to
Chad Ford:create more space for the resolution of conflict, like he and others have
Chad Ford:done with PeacePlayers International.
Chad Ford:He's been able to show how peace is possible in the worst conflicts on Earth.
Chad Ford:And you might have noticed a theme in Chad's personal story
Chad Ford:and professional accomplishments.
Chad Ford:He's had to create these opportunities rather than just
Chad Ford:taking the ones being handed to him.
Chad Ford:Professional peacemakers of all kinds tend to share this entrepreneurial instinct.
Chad Ford:It's hard to get on the ground because the first question
Chad Ford:anybody asks you is, well, how many cases have you mediated?
Chad Ford:And if your answer is like, you're my first, or like, you're
Chad Ford:one or two, they don't feel that super confidence of going in.
Chad Ford:So I have to tell my students all the time, you have to
Chad Ford:be entrepreneurial at first.
Chad Ford:You have to get out there and offer yourself in lots of different scenarios.
Chad Ford:I, I even have, I'm teaching 'em how to go on Craigslist and, and
Chad Ford:say, we'll meet at the McDonald's.
Chad Ford:My whole point is get the experience to come in, because
Chad Ford:once you have that experience.
Chad Ford:I don't have to advertise for my work anymore.
Chad Ford:I get multiple emails a week from just referrals.
Chad Ford:I, I'm a big sports fan, and I've been combining sports and mediation
Chad Ford:in ways that, that have been really fun and and exciting to me.
Chad Ford:And it's, it's a great job.
Chad Ford:So first of all, I want to say the opportunities are real.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: If professional peacemaking feels like the direction
Chad Ford:you want to go, I have a bunch of stellar advice for you from Chad.
Chad Ford:And frankly, if you just want to be better at this for the job you currently
Chad Ford:have, you need to give the rest of this episode all of your attention.
Chad Ford:You'll be better at your work if you do.
Chad Ford:Let's start with a need for personal commitment to the principles of peace.
Chad Ford:Look, some people are natural mediators.
Chad Ford:I, I actually wasn't one to be, to be just completely honest.
Chad Ford:I went to school with some people that without any training, just could
Chad Ford:walk in, be very balanced, be curious, and listening just sort of naturally.
Chad Ford:And they were just really good at it.
Chad Ford:And I was so jealous of those, those students all the
Chad Ford:time because I would just.
Chad Ford:I would just be bobbing in class.
Chad Ford:And then they would, I would watch them and they would walk in
Chad Ford:and I'm like, how'd you do that?
Chad Ford:I don't, I don't know.
Chad Ford:It's just common sense.
Chad Ford:And I'm like, well, apparently I don't have it.
Chad Ford:In fact, I failed my first midterm in my mediation class because I
Chad Ford:offended one of the role players and they walked out in the middle of my
Chad Ford:midterm exam and never came back.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Interview: No.
Chad Ford:Oh my gosh.
Chad Ford:And I was ready to quit.
Chad Ford:And.
Chad Ford:I had to start looking inward.
Chad Ford:And, and this is something I love about, you know, peace building mediation, which
Chad Ford:is that if I've got stuff going on in my life that I'm unwilling to address, I am
Chad Ford:not going to be a particularly good guide to asking other people to look at the
Chad Ford:hard things and do things in their life.
Chad Ford:And, and what, what started to come out of it was I realized who I need to
Chad Ford:practice on is my family, the conflicts where I'm estranged from people.
Chad Ford:So I'd say the first attribute is: I'm willing to do this myself, right?
Chad Ford:I, I think it's the most important thing as a mediator, because
Chad Ford:your clients are going to know, there's just an authenticity.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Being an effective peacemaker also means
Chad Ford:being curious, not making assumptions about the people in conflict or
Chad Ford:jumping to solutions prematurely.
Chad Ford:You'll end up asking lots and lots of questions.
Chad Ford:The second thing is you have to be curious.
Chad Ford:Anytime I think I know what the right solution is, it's, it's
Chad Ford:usually going to be a problem for me.
Chad Ford:Um, right?
Chad Ford:Because I'll start gently steering people in the direction I think they need to go.
Chad Ford:And one of the things that I've learned is they're not me, and
Chad Ford:the only solution that works is one that's very authentic to them.
Chad Ford:So I have to continue to be curious, even when it starts to occur to me, oh, I
Chad Ford:think I should know what they should do.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: Withholding judgment of those in conflict is especially hard.
Chad Ford:When you know that someone has done genuine harm to another person,
Chad Ford:with an act of cruelty or violence, somehow as a peacemaker you have
Chad Ford:to find a way to empathy for such people, to see their humanity.
Chad Ford:That doesn't mean you justify what they've done, but to bring them to
Chad Ford:peace, you might need to be the last person who hasn't given up on them.
Chad Ford:As mediators, we see people often at their worst.
Chad Ford:We see people when they're the most stressed out, when they've,
Chad Ford:they've said that awful thing or they've done that awful thing.
Chad Ford:You know, I, I've, I've worked with people that have been terrorists or
Chad Ford:have, have promoted violent conflict or participated in violence as a
Chad Ford:potential solution, um, to the conflict.
Chad Ford:And, you know, as someone who doesn't feel violence is right, or abuse is right,
Chad Ford:or, or, uh, mistreating people is of a right, it's really easy to sometimes look
Chad Ford:at them and, and not see their humanity.
Chad Ford:And one of the things that I really, really try to work on--and for me this
Chad Ford:is both a, a professional thing, but it's also a faith thing for me--is to see
Chad Ford:this sort of divinity in others define that, that spark of goodness in them.
Chad Ford:Because if I can discover it and try to amplify it within them, it will often
Chad Ford:lead them down, down the right path in ways that I never, that I never could.
Chad Ford:I, I didn't start out good at that.
Chad Ford:I often would be annoyed at people.
Chad Ford:And that aspect took a lot of, like, mindfulness, a lot of, a lot
Chad Ford:of thinking, a lot of training, and frankly, leaning on my faith in a lot
Chad Ford:of ways, because I, I do believe at, at the core that, you know, as people,
Chad Ford:we have that spark of the divineness that every human being is important.
Chad Ford:They have value regardless of their choices, regardless of the decisions
Chad Ford:that they've made, and that there is a path to redemption back for people.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: You also have to resist the instinct to enable people
Chad Ford:even when they're in the right.
Chad Ford:Sometimes when we're angry, our loved ones keep the anger
Chad Ford:going by being angry with us.
Chad Ford:Now, we see that as a sign of their loyalty and love for us,
Chad Ford:but it's also a source of fuel for some of our worst emotions.
Chad Ford:And so when we're trying to help someone feel validated, we can
Chad Ford:get pulled into the conflict along with them and we keep it going.
Chad Ford:There's a name for the seemingly supportive behavior:
Chad Ford:Collusion.
Chad Ford:I think it's interesting, Aaron, that you said pulled in.
Chad Ford:Because this is another aspect of conflict that I think is
Chad Ford:actually a really important one.
Chad Ford:If I can just address it for a minute, because...
Chad Ford:Aaron - Interview: Yeah, please do.
Chad Ford:Often we, we get pulled in.
Chad Ford:In other words, the conflict isn't directly between me and another person,
Chad Ford:but a loved one, a child, a family member, a good friend has been wronged in some
Chad Ford:ways, and so they come to us for help.
Chad Ford:Often we think that the way to help them is to give them
Chad Ford:a lot of validation, right?
Chad Ford:Like, "You're right, they're wrong. That other person is ridiculous. You don't need
Chad Ford:that toxicity in your life anymore." And we become allies to people in conflict
Chad Ford:where we give them the justification to actually be bad partners in conflict.
Chad Ford:And we do it out of the name of support or out of love or care.
Chad Ford:And it's really hard to validate the emotion, which I think is fair and
Chad Ford:okay to do, right, without encouraging them to escalate the conflict without
Chad Ford:encouraging them to hate the other person.
Chad Ford:It's a very tricky line, and my wife on more than one occasion has said, "Can you
Chad Ford:just quit doing your conflict stuff with me right now and just agree with me that
Chad Ford:this person is the worst person ever?" and we'll laugh, you know, at those moments.
Chad Ford:But that never really seems like love to me, because doing that doesn't
Chad Ford:actually give her the thing that she's actually looking for or really need.
Chad Ford:It's giving justification, which again, I think is a drug that is
Chad Ford:not going to serve, serve them well.
Chad Ford:And so, you know, it's really interesting because those conflicts are easier for us
Chad Ford:to be blind that we're actually the ones that are pouring gasoline on the fire now.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: You may remember that I promised at the start of the
Chad Ford:episode that there are encouraging things to say about professional
Chad Ford:peacemaking and being a mediator.
Chad Ford:So here are two of the most important ones.
Chad Ford:First, this is a deeply satisfying career path.
Chad Ford:It's always interesting.
Chad Ford:It gives you new things to learn.
Chad Ford:It brings you to know others in ways that you would never have known them before.
Chad Ford:And playing a part in reconnecting people is among the greatest moments of success.
Chad Ford:It's so fulfilling.
Chad Ford:It takes so much creativity, which I love.
Chad Ford:I learn about all sorts of issues and have to become like a semi-expert on things
Chad Ford:because, you know, we're in a dispute and it's about air quality and all of a
Chad Ford:sudden I'm, you know, learning about all of these measures and like, what matters,
Chad Ford:because I need to understand why people feel as strongly as they feel about it.
Chad Ford:Culturally, I've got to learn all sorts of cool cultures.
Chad Ford:We are constantly having to adapt the process to create the space for people.
Chad Ford:And I, I, I just love that.
Chad Ford:I get so energized um, as part of that.
Chad Ford:I'm exhausted afterwards, but there's no feeling like mediating a dispute and the
Chad Ford:parties walking away feeling reconnected to each other and walking away from that.
Chad Ford:And knowing that I, I had a little role to play that, uh, it, it will
Chad Ford:carry me through the next three or four failures, uh, until, you know,
Chad Ford:until the next, the next one hits.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: The second encouraging thought is that there is a rising
Chad Ford:generation of peacemakers that's perhaps better prepared and more invested in
Chad Ford:this work than any generation before it.
Chad Ford:Chad teaches these young people every day, and they are an
Chad Ford:invigorating source of hope for him.
Chad Ford:Aaron, there are so many young people that are
Chad Ford:leaning in to this world to serve.
Chad Ford:I am so impressed with this generation who are coming to college not just to
Chad Ford:make money or get rich, but really, truly want to solve the social problems
Chad Ford:that that exist in our world today.
Chad Ford:They're frustrated at the adults, that we've left them the world that
Chad Ford:we've left them, um, right now.
Chad Ford:But they still remain hopeful that they're going to do something.
Chad Ford:When I look to those young people that I get to work with every day,
Chad Ford:there's so much to be hopeful for.
Chad Ford:And my heroes, of course, some of them are, you know, the Gandhis and Martin
Chad Ford:Luther Kings and, and you know, frankly, Jesus Christ, who I think is the best of
Chad Ford:all of the peace builders that I know.
Chad Ford:But where I really get energy is watching these young people go out and dedicate
Chad Ford:their lives to doing this type of work.
Chad Ford:Aaron - Narration: You may like me imagine Bertha von Suttner smiling
Chad Ford:down on this rising generation, seeing in them what she spent years trying
Chad Ford:to cultivate and so many others, including her friend Alfred Nobel.
Chad Ford:When she herself received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1905, Bon Suttner began
Chad Ford:her speech this way, "The stars of eternal truth and right have always
Chad Ford:shown in the firmament of human understanding. The process of bringing
Chad Ford:them down to earth, remolding them into practical forms, imbuing them
Chad Ford:with vitality, and then making use of them, has been a long one. One of
Chad Ford:the eternal truths is that happiness is created and developed in peace."
Chad Ford:You may feel the stirrings in you to follow the same professional
Chad Ford:path as Von Sutter and this rising generation of peacemakers.
Chad Ford:But if not, I hope at least that you've taken away a thing or two.
Chad Ford:I hope you've learned something that can help you establish
Chad Ford:more peace for those around you.
Chad Ford:How to help as a production of BYU Radio and hosted and
Chad Ford:written by me, Aaron Miller.
Chad Ford:This episode is produced by Erica Price, Blake Morris, and Kenny Mears.
Chad Ford:Our theme song is by Eric Robertson.
Chad Ford:For more information about this episode, use the links in the show
Chad Ford:notes, and if you haven't subscribed to How to Help, you can do that
Chad Ford:in your favorite podcast player.
Chad Ford:As always, thank you so much for listening.