I recognised him instantly.

I’d never met him before.

Hi, I’m Lauren Howard. You can call me L2. Like other people do.

In this episode of Different, Not Broken, I tell the story of going to a startup funding event in Miami and unexpectedly sitting down next to someone I knew far too much about… despite never having spoken to him in my life.

It turns out reality TV, social conditioning, and a neurodivergent brain make for a very specific kind of social experience.

This episode is about what it’s like to hold a straight face while your brain is doing cartwheels, why masking often looks like politeness, and how much effort goes into pretending you don’t know what you know.

You’ll hear:

Why recognition doesn’t always come from real relationships

What masking actually looks like in everyday social situations

Why being “polite” is often a survival skill

How neurodivergent brains process people and patterns differently

Why explaining yourself gets exhausting fast

Once you’ve been inspired to brag, here’s where you can do it!

https://differentnotbrokenpodcast.com/voicemail

Useful stuff

Stuff that helps you become awesome even if you’re different: https://stan.store/elletwo

My grown up job: https://lbeehealth.com/

Chapters / Timestamps

00:00 – I recognized him instantly

01:12 – Reality TV, hate watching, and accidental expertise

04:06 – Going to an event alone (never again)

06:48 – Sitting down next to someone I shouldn’t know

09:02 – Knowing too much and saying nothing

12:31 – Masking as politeness

15:18 – Why pretending not to know is exhausting

18:44 – Listener brag: feeling hopeful about 2026

20:02 – A very important question for sleep scientists

23:10 – Small Talk Listener Question: communicating needs without feeling difficult

Mentioned in this episode:

Brag on yourself

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Do we have any sleep scientists who listen to this? If you do get at

me, I just have a question. Cameras follow them around

all the time and then act completely

shocked when the people they meet are very

clearly flexing for attention. We've been conditioned

to believe that you take care of your needs yourself.

All right, here we go. I'm gonna pretend I'm pushing record. Cause that feels right.

Okay, I'm pressing record. Boop. Hi,

everybody. I'm Lauren Howard. Welcome to Different

Not Broken, which is our podcast on exactly that.

That there are a lot of people in this world walking around feeling broken. And

the reality is you're just different, and that's fine. In

general, I do not watch reality shows, with the exception of a

very, very select few. Very select. One of them is married at

first sight.

I'm about to literally marry somebody that I've in my life. I'm about to

marry a complete stranger. We're going to

be married at first sight. Thank you. I want

this to be the ultimate love story. I do, I do, I do,

I do. We literally just met him. But I'm sorry,

Nicola Nelvis, there's something I need to tell you. I'm

pregnant.

I love the idea of the chaos

of literally legally marrying a complete stranger.

And also, if you understand, like, the success rates of

arranged marriages and stuff like that, it's not that bonkers to do it.

Like, it's bonkers to do it on television. That's nuts.

But marrying a stranger, there's, like, lots of cultural

precedent for that. And it works in a lot of places. And, like, it has

the same kind of failure rates as marrying somebody that you very deliberately pick.

And as somebody who very deliberately picked the person I'm married to who I

mostly like a lot, like, there are drawbacks.

Very clear drawbacks. I love married at first sight. And my husband and

I actually started watching it together. He no longer watches it with me, but it

was on, like, one of the home improvement networks when we were

building the house that we have. And so we kind of, like, accidentally

started watching it after whatever home improvement show that

wanted to make us believe that anybody can pick up a hammer and build a

detail wall, which is not true, by the way. Not true at all. And

then it was, like, definitely hate watching. And then it was

like, I kind of like the show. And he will swear that he did not

like it, and he absolutely did, because he could tell you everything about all of

these people. And anyway, I don't think he's watched it in 10 years. So every

time a new season drops on Netflix, I'm like, I know what I'm going to

screw around with. But there's another one that I also

like that I am very deliberately not naming.

I don't know that I like it more, but I definitely

hate it more. I love watching it

because it is the most

egregious train wreck that I've ever seen.

And the people on it

very publicly sign up

to have cameras follow them around all

the time and then act completely

shocked when the people they meet

are very clearly flexing for attention.

I feel about it a lot like I feel about Republicans. What do you mean?

That tariffs were going to raise prices for everybody and make all of our

lives invariably harder and be terrible for the economy? What do you mean that they

did exactly what they said they were going to do? What? What?

It's very much like that. Like, what do you mean? This person

who was willing to expose their entire lives and get

all sorts of wild stuff baited out of them by reality

show producers who get paid to literally do that. What

do you mean? They are this person who I didn't

realize they were like. It's like, really, bro? Really? I

can handle, like, one show at a time, and

then I need a break, and I need to watch shows about murder, because those

are less messy. And then I go back to another reality show, and

I very rarely try new ones. I have attempted a

handful and barely got through the first episode, so my tolerance for them

pretty low. There is, I guess, two. I was gonna say one, but two

that I. I pretty clearly know inside and out,

and I can roll with the best of them as far as

knowledge of these shows, which means that there are certain

people who have been on these shows that I

know of very well. Obviously, I

don't know them, but I feel like I know them because I've seen them do

Jackass shit in front of thousands and

thousands, maybe millions of people, knowing that that's exactly what

they're doing, or they knew that that's exactly what they're doing.

Last Thursday was basically out of the office all day. I went to a funding

event in Miami. I got to meet a bunch of really cool investors or

potential investors. It was an experience that I thought I would hate and actually

really ended up enjoying. Except for going alone. I would

not do that alone. Again, not that it was, like,

unsafe. There is a lot that has to be

considered when you're about to go schmooze and shake hands with and meet

a bunch of strangers who could potentially at some point give

you their money. And I needed somebody

with me to be like, no, you cross the street there.

Yes, we have to be on the train by this time. Because I was just

fully distracted by the sheer amount that I needed

to accomplish in that day. And the fact that I also had to handle the

logistics of the day. Getting from one place to another,

ordering the Uber, making sure I ate, finding

a target because my shoes were not gonna work. And I also managed to find,

like, the one target in the world that doesn't sell shoes. So that was a

bust. I just decided. I was like, well, screw it. I'm just gonna keep these

shoes. And that lasted for like, less than an hour. And

I'm not joking when I say that as soon as I left the event,

I threw the shoes out and put my sandals back on. And I was like,

we're done here. Shoes are gone. And this is my fault because

I remembered I have a pair of shoes that are incredibly comfortable, really cute,

and really super high. And I will either wear no shoes

or like five inch heels. There's no middle ground. Part of that is being short,

and part of that's having very high arches. But I didn't think about this.

I had them when I was up in New Hampshire. I wore them for an

event in Boston. I was like, these are the shoes I'm gonna wear for the

rest of my life. In my brain said, I will order a

pair to have in Florida. Not. I don't know why I didn't just

take out my phone and check and make sure they still existed. They don't sell

them anymore. So I had to. This is very first world problems.

I had to pick alternate shoes, and they hurt. Just know that I understand how

this sounds coming out of my mouth, and it's also not the point. So I

walk into this event, they have this really cool setup. It's in this, like, super

trendy, like, industrial type space. We're in

Miami. It's all those things. There weren't a ton of people

there, but there were probably like 50 or 60 people there. It

was pretty well attended. And me being me,

if I'm going in and like, I know a person or I know

who I want to talk to and why, I have no problem walking up

to people, but a room full of people who I have no idea who they

are and who are all kind of mingling, I was like, I'm gonna sit

this one out and wait until the festivities start, and then I'll figure out what

to do. So I found a table, and I did have a ton of emails

to respond to. And it had been a very long day of travel, and I

hadn't had a chance to get my computer out in several hours. And so I

sat down and tried to get through some things on my email, and

I hear somebody come over and say, does anybody mind if I sit here?

And I didn't really look up. I just said, go for it, no problem.

And he sits down a couple seats, like, maybe one seat away from me.

And I'm looking at my phone and I hear him say, so, are you with

one of the investment companies or are you a founder? And at that

point, I looked up and said, oh, I'm a founder. And

made eye contact with this person that I absolutely recognized.

And I'm really bad with faces. So if I

absolutely recognize you, you're seared in there

deeply. You are taking up space in my brain rent from.

And so I'm looking at this guy going, I know you from somewhere.

But I. Not only do I know you from somewhere, I feel like I know

you, but I'm certain I have never spoken to you before.

So I look down at his name tag, and he has a very

distinct name that I had only ever heard one place before,

and it was my most favorite,

slash, least favorite reality show. And then he

explains to me that he's also a founder

and that what he does for a living, which was like a whole through line

in that show. I am the queen of

keeping a straight face. I did not let on at all.

But then I go through this, like, very

deep mental dive of, oh, remember when you were a

total asshole here? Do you remember when

you said this to that person who didn't deserve

it? Like, do you remember when you got kicked out of. And

I'm like, oh, I know all this guy's dirty laundry. This is. This is impressive.

And also, he's one of those people, he probably deserves credit

for maybe being manipulated by producers or

having the drama played up for the show. I get that.

But also, there's like, tons of stories of shit he's done while the cameras

aren't on. And so it's like, you might actually be that big of an

asshole. So anyway, I had to hold a straight face

and feign like I was interested in his startup while my

brain was on fire about the fact

that he fucked over somebody that I stand for

and somebody who I also have never met. To be clear, it's not like

this is a person I know also. She is a Person from the same

show. And I'm like, looking around, it is

the most bizarre series of events. And I'm like, is this really

happening? And there's also the other part of me that was like, does nobody else

know who this guy is? Like, why is everybody standing around

like, this is normal? This person? Am I the only person

who watches trash television here? Are all of you above it? Because

I know startup people and I cannot imagine that

all of you are above it. Please someone speak up, because

I don't understand what's happening here. So anyway, I kept

a straight face and I actually texted my nanny and was like,

I have a very important thing you need to ask me. And

then she called me and she was like, what? And I was like, thank you.

And we talked about mailings that she was working on, which we did actually need

to talk about. But I just, like, needed to get away from the situation. And

there was literally nobody to save me because I was by myself at this event.

But that is the story of how I went to an

event. First, I went to an event. You are allowed to sit

and stare with shock and awe because that is unheard of. I went

to an event. I ended up talking to my most hated

reality show person ever. Most hated. I have

so much to say about this dude. And I have said all of has

not. Like, I have not been shy about it. I don't know why this

takes up so much space in my brain. This is what. This is literally the

only person in that entire room that I had an opinion on

and I had no idea until he was standing in front of me and I

was like, I have so many things to say about you. But I didn't kept

my mouth shut. And I was polite and he was actually very polite.

And we talked about one of my dogs. And then I got

rescued by our nanny because she is a delight and saves my butt all the

time, apparently also when I am 200 miles away from her and I wore shoes

that were really uncomfortable and then I threw them out. The end.

And now we're going to hear from some of our listeners with their weekly brags.

Love the Braggs idea. My name is Ron R.

I'm just excited for 2026. Kind of been a

rough year. So this is just setting up

to be awesome and so it shall.

Thank you again. Have a wonderful, wonderful day.

This is a question for, I don't know, maybe the sleep scientists of the world.

Do we have any sleep scientists who listen to this? If you do get at

me, I just Have a question. Am I supposed to be able

to drink a Venti size? Now,

mind you, venti means 20 so large.

A 20 ounce size coffee

right before bed and then fall asleep without a

problem. Is that supposed to happen? Because

my understanding is that is supposed to keep me up all night.

But last night, I don't know why, because my husband usually

doesn't do this. He ran out with the kids, came back, brought me a

coffee. It was at like 9 o' clock at night. It was delicious,

by the way. I drank the whole thing.

Then kind of thought to myself, like, maybe I shouldn't have done that at 9

o' clock at night. Even though I don't usually pay any attention to how much

caffeine is in what I drink. I was like, it'll be interesting. Am I gonna

end up staying up all night, went to bed, I don't know, hour or

two later, out like a light, no, nothing. In

fact, almost fell asleep fast enough that I forgot to put on

Idris Elba and then remembered at the last minute and put

him where he belongs and then fell asleep and slept the whole night. I'm just

sending this out there into the universe. I feel like maybe,

maybe I might be averse to stimulants. And in case that is

not diagnostic in and of itself, let me

know, because it was literally 20 ounces of straight

caffeine and I was not even,

not even phased, just time for sleepy sleeps

and went to bed.

And now we'll go to Alison, who has this week's

small talk. When people say, just communicate better,

I honestly don't know what they mean. I feel like I'm always

translating myself for other people and it never quite lands.

How do you explain your needs without feeling like you're being difficult or high

maintenance? Okay, so I know the question that you want answered, but I don't think

that's the question that I can answer based on the way you asked it, which

is not a criticism of you by any means. But why?

Why? What about you discussing

your needs makes you difficult or high maintenance? And why would you think that?

Because that's really the issue. If you aren't trying to package up your

needs in a way that you feel is palatable to other people, then we wouldn't

have an issue here. The problem is that you've been told that

communicating your needs has to be done in a very specific way

so that other people will fulfill them. And that isn't

the reality. These aren't wants, these are needs. This is

not you saying I would really like to have a coffee. This is you saying,

I really need information delivered like this or else I can't

process it. Does that mean you should be an asshole about it?

No. There are ways to communicate

exactly the way you have to or the way it comes out of your brain

without making other people feel bad, without

attacking them, without addressing them in ways that makes them

uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean that by being

direct about your needs or by, you know, addressing them

as non negotiables, you are somehow being difficult. But

that's what we've been conditioned to believe. And if you're asking out loud for them

that you're somehow doing something wrong, that you're burdening other people, that

you are too much for them, that they're going to get tired of you, et

cetera, that premise is bullshit. Does it happen? Sure,

if it happens. Those aren't your people. If it

happens, fuck those people. They are not the ones that

you're supposed to be communicating your needs to. And so

the question is not how do I communicate my needs in a way that makes

me likable or not difficult.

The question is, why does communicating my needs make me feel unlikable

or like I'm difficult? And that's a function of conditioning.

You have been told, whether implicitly or

otherwise, that having needs is inherently a problem

and that having needs and communicating them is going to make people like

you less. And it happens a lot in workplaces.

It happens a ton in workplaces where, you know, speaking out

about the way you need something done, speaking up about having things modified

to meet your needs, or about the way that things are being done, that is

not the most efficient or appropriate way to do things. Makes you difficult because

you're not just going with the flow. But like

lots of people try to go with the flow and then drown. So you're

not being difficult, you're communicating your needs. You can preface

it with I need to tell you what I need in this situation,

ask me questions. If it's not coming across the way that you

understand it, and I will very happily explain, but it

doesn't have to be about how do I temper the way that I communicate

with people so they're more likely to fulfill my needs. Again, you're not asking for

coffee, you're not asking somebody to take you out for ice cream. You're saying this

is a thing I need to exist in this environment. It's a non

negotiable. And you don't have to make that palatable

for other people to have it delivered. Thanks for being here, guys.

Have a good day. Love you. Mean it.

So anyway, as soon as that came out of my mouth, I

get a text on my phone because I forget Vanessa sits, like, right on

the outside of that door, and it says, yes for the neurodivergent

brain.