Ken
There is no other purpose for me to be alive than to have this drive in my heart. Because there's only one thing I want, I want to know Him. And knowing Him was more than just knowing about Him, I almost detest knowing about God, I really do. Because it indicates the fact that if you just know about Him, you don't have to become who He is. You don't have to be like Him. But knowing about Him, to me is not good enough. I want to walk in a fellowship with the Father, where I know who He is, He knows who I am.
Caesar
I can relate to what you Ron and Ken were saying about things being real. I can't stand hearing about God, talking about God, I've got to know Him. I feel like I'm in a desert now where the fountains and the springs have dried up, things that work before are not working anymore. There's only this drive, I must know You personally - can't hear about a man of God telling about his wonderful experiences with the Father. I have the right, and I want to know Him. It's something very personal - and I'm being forced to seek Him and find Him. Just like Moses, he had a relationship with the Father, a very real relationship with the Father, and Elijah, according to the Word of the Lord, in His presence, I stand. Not talking about something somebody told me - I can know it. I have a relationship with Him. What kind of witness can I be if I do not know Him? I'm tired of repeating someone else's doctrines, things that I've learned. It must come with an anointing the life and the anointing, because it's real, and it's alive - so Rich and alive - so you can't be left than this.
Ron
The very thing that you're saying. Cesar is the very thing that I'm saying. And we're saying it over and over again. And I guess we'll continue to say it over and over again. It's there's just this travail, or you can call it wrestling - or whatever term you want to put on it wrestling travail. I don't think there's a path. I don't think you know, there's a path there's, there's an answer, oh, this is the way you do it? Or if you would just try this or whatever - I don't think I don't think so. I think it's an individual wrestling match with the Lord. I have a sneaking suspicion that He put it in us. It's not like He's caught unaware. He put the very thing that we're, you're talking about Caesar the very cry, the very groaning the very anger, the very whatever emotion, whatever feeling, or whatever, whatever. He put that in us, we didn't come up with it. That's encouraging. At least there's something encouraging in it. After a while, there's just you just keep saying the same thing - and the same thing is this - it's a cry. When I get alone with the Lord, I don't say very much to Him - I listen. But as far as me and Him goes, I don't even necessarily pinpoint what I want from Him.
Ceasar
Want Him!
Ron
That's right.
Ceasar
His presence!
Roger
What you're saying, Cesar is so right. Ron you talk about being honest. There's nothing that bores me more, and gets so tedious is talking about stuff. There's a hunger to know Him - and that's the only thing that drives us. It's a hunger - and you're right, whoever just said it is a hunger that God puts in our hearts. And I was sitting there the night before last deep down in my spirit; I could just sense there's a going beyond. I don't care how much we know the Lord. If we're content with our relationship, something's not right. I want you to think about this. Who can say I live in the presence of the Lord, every single conscious minute? And if you can't say that, the question becomes well why? You can only be filled to the extent that you have a capacity to. You talk about when God first met you, it probably didn't take much. But in retrospect, it was right; It was good - but that's not going to meet me now. It's about God increasing our capacity to know Him, increasing our capacity to see Him - and God works that out in our lives. And I was sitting there the other night, you know, and I was thinking, the areas of darkness that we still live in and not recognize, because the Lord has not shown His light into those rooms. If you think you don't have them, then there's a problem. Because they say an eagle can look right at the sun. And that's what God is creating in us, is a capacity to look into Him and not blink. I don't care how much we know Him - I'm telling you, Cesar, what you were saying about feeling dried up, and this, that, and the other. If we don't feel that way, if we don't go through seasons of that, we're not really going deeper into God's heart, because it necessitates one level of us going away, so that we can know Him in a greater way. Lord, we have to know You. It's about knowing Him. I hate theology. I hate talking about stuff - without the reality of Him coming through. I'm not going to be frustrated. But I am going to know the Lord and a greater measure that I know Him tonight, I'm going to see Him I'm going to behold Him, and never stops, that will never stop. Therefore, we can never be completely at ease. Because you got to know in your heart, there's another place, there's a higher realm where God is He is beckoning us into it, drawing us into it. Here's a paradox. Be at peace with where you're at, yet know in your heart, there's more to be had. Don't say, I don't have anything. But by gosh, know that we got more - there's just more of God to be laid hold off. And that cuts through all doctrines and teachings and our hunger for God exceeds them all. And that's what drives us. That's what must drive us.
Ron
Definitions and doctrines don't mean anything. One person can say hunger, another person can say it's the cross. Each of us have these experiences or lack thereof. And we define them in our own being. But when you get down to it, it's a hunger, it's a drive. Through that drive, you're going to experience things and you're going to label them however you label them. The bottom line is are you going to stop? You're His! You're not your own! And so He's going no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Your mine. You forget now who's the clay and who's the? There should be a dual thing in us. There needs to be a contentment and a joy. Because if there's not, then you're kind of denying what He's already created in you. So yes, there has to be a contentment, here has to be a joy. There has to be that, but there also has to be this insane drive. I know in me, this drive is becoming more insane than ever before.
Ceasar
He could have left us like He did to so many denominations - moved on. And we would be happy - we would be happy with what we've got from Him - doing our little religion - with a little life or no life at all - but He hasn't allowed that. And in this respect, I praise Him and I worship Him and I thank You Father because You have not forsaken us. You have put something very real in us and You are still interested in us.
