069: Coaching military spouses and significant others on building resiliency and wellness with a focus on mindfulness, nutrition, and volunteerism with Manda Lynn McVey

Artwork for podcast Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth

Episode 23 • 11th December 2020 • Holding Down the Fort by US VetWealth • Jen Amos

Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories for today's military spouses so they can continue to make confident and informed decisions for themselves and their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen a Moe's a gold star daughter, veteran spouse and your host for holding down the fort by us that wealth. Let's get started.

All right. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of holding down the fort. I am your co host, and now award winning podcaster Jen HMOs. And I also have with me my amazing co host active duty military spouse nearing 12 years now. mother of two, mental health advocate and overall amazing woman. Genuine Stroup genuine Welcome back.

Unknown Speaker 0:57

Hey, thanks for having me. Glad to be here today.

Jen Amos 1:00

Yeah, absolutely. It's always great to chat with you once again, and also converse with another incredible person in our community. All right, with that said, let's go ahead and introduce our guests on the show today here at holding down the fort. We have mandolin McVeigh, and she is a Wellness and Resilience trainer, community builder, military spouse, and entrepreneur just overall sounds like an incredible woman. So mandolin Welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 1:25

Thank you. I'm pleased to be here. Yeah, definitely.

Jen Amos 1:29

started to do at the start of: 2020

Speaker 1 1:41

really doing? You know, it's actually not too much out of our norm, our routine, I have a five year old and she was not in daycare on a regular basis, you know, us hourly care. So and I was not working out of the home, I was doing things from the house, you know, my volunteering or school, but I'm still completing. So our team didn't change too much. But then they are garden and decided that I had to try to teach my daughter how to be a kindergartener. And know, you know, there are days that I go, and I have a glass of wine in the shower and cry after she goes to bed. But that's like, once a month, and the husband's in the field right now. So that's a bummer. But yeah, all I'm handling it pretty well, I think I'm actually surprised some days. So like, when I kind of am doing my review of the day and the things that have happened, like, like, Oh, I'm still actually in a pretty good frame of mind, I guess all of that coaching, but I've been doing and training for that coaching has actually really helped me, you know, and so it's kind of nice, because I'm my own proof that the techniques that I teach people are actually helpful. And you know, I have a therapist, there's nothing wrong with having a therapist, everybody should know, therapists, because we're nice, and everybody has stress. That helps a lot, too, you know, so. But other than that, all in all pretty good.

Jen Amos 3:05

Yeah. Well, thank you for sharing how you're really feeling and what you're really going through, you know, having Jenny Lynn on here, who is a mental health advocate, and also is involved in the mental health field. And even for myself, I'm a huge mental health advocate, I appreciate you sharing that. And honestly, I think we need to make it cool to have therapists in our lives, I have a therapist, I might even get another one, because I'm in couples counseling right now. But I've also been looking into having therapy for myself, and that's okay. It's like, Hey, if you want to train for a marathon, you got to coach for that, right? If you want to train for anything in life, or if you want to improve any aspect of your life, it's like, you can figure it out on your own, but you can speed up the process or make it easier if you have professional help. And so I appreciate you sharing that very early on in our conversation saying, hey, it's absolutely okay.

Speaker 1 3:51

Absolutely. And you know, it's one of the things that I tell a lot of my clients is I have friends from all over the world, not from being a military spouse, but because I used to work seasonally at ski resorts before I got married. And so, you know, I lived in Alaska for a few years, and I had friends come from each up and South America and just, you know, all over the globe. And any of those people, like literally, I think every one of them had a therapist, and they would just talk about like, they went to the therapist, just like they went to the dentist or for their yearly exam, you know, like, because it's not as stigmatized in a lot of other countries and a lot of other countries too. When you move there, you know, you're the new person on the block and you're like, Hey, can you give me the names of some good dentists and eyecare places and stuff like that around the neighborhood on the list, they pretty much always include their therapists to not like right next to the grocery store, like they'll say this is the best shop to get these you know, fresh produce, and here's a good therapist, and here's a good dentist and then here's a good place to get your meat. Like they don't think anything Have it other than that, like, people need to take care of themselves. And this is another way to

Jen Amos 5:06

do it. Yeah. Oh, that's incredible. I mean, it's just so normal in other places is what it sounds like. And here, it's still like, oddly enough a stigma or it's still like, you know, everyone's kind of going through their coming out phase. Have I got a therapist, guys? You know, I feel like that's starting to become popular. Like, even amongst my girlfriends, it's just so normal, like, you know, will say, Yeah, I was talking to my therapist today. And, you know, like, we all are having that kind of support. And I hope that, you know, it really will become normal and part of our, you know, daily conversation to say that you're getting help in that way. Absolutely. No, yeah, I thought I really am a genuine, genuine. Yeah,

Speaker 2 5:40

I was gonna say, I really appreciate you guys doing my job for me, thank you so much, like for mental health. It's really great. Welcome. Now, I mean, I'm with you, on board, all the things everybody in my house has a therapist, and we function much better that way. You know, it's helpful. And even when my husband and I both did couples counseling as well, and even during that we both had our own individual therapists, because there are just things that are yours to work out. So you know, you will not find a bigger mental health advocate than myself, especially during pandemic times, and all of the extra and kudos to you for doing kindergarten because I felt that I had to homeschool my children in kindergarten, I might never get out of bed. My boys are in fourth and fifth grade. And so they're older and much more hands off, it's more of a sit down and do it. And now they have to teach you everything. Oh, sure. Bliss, I just don't know that I could have done.

Speaker 1 6:38

Well, I think one of the advantages that I have, honestly, is my daughter has auditory processing disorder. And she has sensory processing disorders. So she has to have like an occupational therapist. And we do a lot of modalities, like for her different things, you know, like she has a different app to help her with, like sensory getting the auditory processing to happen in the correct sequence in her brain, like her ears work fine, but her brain jumbles it up. She has programs that help her with that. And because I'm so used to working with her with those kinds of things, it really was a blessing in disguise that having to help her with kindergarten is just one more thing that I'm teaching her. So it's like, Oh, here's another new thing that we're doing that we're learning. And so it's also easier for her, she didn't just go from like, being a kid with like, not understanding, like, sit down and talk to this person and do these things in this order to all of a sudden sit and be in class. about it. Yeah. So out for the blessing that it is and just learned from it. So

Jen Amos 7:44

Now that said something like: 2020

Speaker 1 8:35

So I'm actually the battalion level FRG advisor, so Soldier and Family Readiness Group advisor. So in a global aspect, it's my role to make sure that the spouses and family members of soldiers are provided with information about what's happening in their soldiers lives, when they're and when they're away. And even just different tools that are available on base. Like there's a program here called the focus program, which is another Resilience Program. It's basically you go in and you talk to people, they are therapists and psychologists but that's not the role or capacity that they work in. And that program, they're literally there to teach you different ways to process your emotions, like different tools to process them, help little ones learn about how to share feelings in an appropriate fashion. So they have this thing called like the feelings Fox and just random things like that. And, you know, even if it's like, hey, don't forget open enrollment for health insurance is available. That's what I do in that aspect or the FRG advisor. So I'm using that as a tool to teach military spouses how to take care of themselves. Whenever I send out the newsletter, I always try and include something about wellness, even if it's a new, like a new spin on a recipe like everybody loves chili, right, so I'll give them like a healthier version of Ciao. be, you know, like, here's a sneak in stuff that people might not even notice, you know, add some lentils. And so then you're getting more plant based in your diet and you're getting more plant protein and you're actually stretching the food that you're making, because you're adding in these lentils and lentils are super cheap. And so it's a way to reduce your food costs as well. And you know, just different tools and different ways. And then sometimes I'll include like a link to a different meditation or a different yoga class that I think everybody might enjoy. Or for the kiddos, there's a program that I let my daughter do, and I'm actually looking into doing the training myself. So I include links for that sometimes, like, here's a fun one that's, you know, it's like, designed around frozen. So she calls it the LC Yoga, you know, things like that. And I'm actually studying to be a holistic wellness practitioner. Yes.

Jen Amos: 10:55

Wow, I'm just gonna throw more like amazing things on top of what you already said. So you also were recently nominated for military spouse of the year for your efforts to bring wellness and volunteer opportunities to military, significant others and family members. And you have been recognized by your husband's previous unit, as well as where you're currently at, you know, and you've just your accolades and other awards that you have received, have said a lot about you. And I have to ask you, I feel like this is already an obvious question, but I want to hear it from you anyway, what gives you this drive to really serve our military spouses, military, significant others?

: 11:34

So that's kind of a two, maybe three fold answer, actually, when I graduated high school, my best friend who I call my sister, because she's been my friend for, you know, three, four decades now, she married a Marine. And he was always the youngest in the group. And she never had like the right information. And she never knew where to get the information. She always felt lost. And when I became a military spouse, I was like, I am not going to be that last military spouse, I don't care what I have to do. To search out the answers, I've always been an answer seeker. I mean, you can probably tell the different tools and things that I'm talking about. But it's always like, even since I was, you know, kindergarten, first grade, I've always wanted to find the answer when there's a problem, no matter what the problem is, if it's a mystery, I have to solve it. And so like, when you're new military spouse, everything is a mystery, right? Bad insurance, how do I get a new doctor, you know, all of these things. And when I married my husband, he was on recruiting duty for two and a half hours away from Fort Knox, or Fort Campbell, and Owensboro, Kentucky, like even the doctors there didn't know how to build my insurance correctly. Like, are you kidding me, there's a coast patient here and a National Guard Station. And the US Army Reserve station, like we are not the only people that have walked into this clinic with TRICARE, what is wrong with you people, so and I didn't have anybody at the station that had a spouse that I can actually talk to about in resources, because one of them was like a really seasoned military spouse, but she just worked all the time, and literally just didn't have time to like help she would when she could. And she was really good about it when she could, but she just literally didn't have the time. And she was also going to school to get her RN to BSN I think so a little busy. And then the other one was going to school from her BSN to become a nurse practitioner. And then they like PCs or something, and then the other cells just didn't want anything to do with other spouses. So I was like floundering around, looking for answers. And my husband's been enlisted for 17 years, you know, we only started dating six years ago, and got we've been married for, it'll be five next year. So he would struggle to like, figure out what he needed to share with me. Because he'd already you know, we've both already been married and divorced before we got together. And so he had this spouse for a really long time. And she knew these things, right? So he's like, how do I know what you don't know? And how, remember to tell you all of the things that you need to know. So he would try really hard, but obviously would fail. Because, I mean, that's pretty much a situation you can't succeed at, you know, when you've been married to somebody for 10 years previously, and they learned every step of the way with you and your spouse that you're starting from square one. So trying to have patience for him. I would just spend hours on the internet searching and you know, like joining Facebook groups and just reaching out in every direction that I could and you know, even if it was literally just like going on the Fort Campbell web page and like looking at different resources that were available there and making a list of it and then going on I'm at Fort Knox page. And so I finally went into the station leader and said, Listen, we have other spouses coming in and like, half of them are super young and a couple of guys are coming in with fiance's or they're coming in with, you know, not just but a significant other, you know that they aren't married, they aren't engaged, but that's still a significant other that still needs to know resources that are available that they can use in that aspect. And I would like to be the person they can talk to for that. And so he got me in touch with the FRG who finally we got a commander that was willing to like, amp up the FRG again. And so then I became the station point of contact. And when we moved up here, I found myself again, in a situation where we had no FRG leader. And I said, You know what, I'm not doing it again, I'll just do it, you know, my husband's in a, in a role now that having his spouse act as the FRG leader is an acceptable thing, and nobody else wanted to do it. So I'll do it. And the main thing is, because it's actually a really selfish reason, I want to know what's happening. And if there's nobody there to give out the information, I will never know what's happening. So, but nobody else wants to do it. So I want the information. And it's not that hard for me to hit forward to a giant mailing list and just send it out to everybody else.

Jen Amos: 16:18

I tend to find that, you know, this reminds me of even back in high school in college, like I would take up leadership positions, almost for selfish reasons, because I would be more likely to have access to resources and connections, you know, and it sounds like that's what you did. It's like you did it, because you knew that was like the fastest way to get what you needed.

: 16:39

Absolutely, yeah. And you know, during all of this, I've been, since 2013, I started going to school to be a health coach. And then I realized that the program I was in wasn't quite a bit. So that took a hiatus for a little while. And then my husband, I have actually known each other since we were 12. And we went to middle school in high school together. And we reconnected in 2013, actually, and then, you know, we dated and got married, and we have a little one. And so all of these things, then I finally felt like I was at a place to start going back to school again. And I attended yoga teacher training in the meantime. And I just thought that I still really have that drive to do something like a health coach, but I wanted it to be more significant. So I looked for programs that are just more in depth, and gave a little bit more. I'm really like science nerd. And I'm really fascinated with nutrition and how it can help heal the body. Because I actually have celiac, which is an autoimmune disease where your body attacks itself whenever you eat gluten, which is from wheat, barley, rye. So I learned firsthand how just changing your diet can heal your body. And I can tell you, I did not change to eating healthier by any means it was pretty much if it used to have bread, I would put french fries there instead. And when I got out, and I still, you know, I lost like 50 pounds. And all these health problems that I had been having for decades just vanished. Wow. So it was proof positive that it was the celiac that was what was causing all of the things to be wrong with me. And so I really wanted to help other people be able to do that for themselves. And we have worked in the medical field, I worked in it for a few years, I worked as a clinical research nurse. And I got out of that, because I just felt like it's not the right way to help people. Because we kind of get to the clinical research point, a lot of them are, you know, like, it's their last chance to try to do something, you know, a lot of them have kind of resigned to the fact that whatever condition they have is just going to do what it's going to do. And by being in this study, they can at least help future patients, that these people if they had had somebody there earlier on to possibly intervene and help them with their diets and things like that, and just learning how to take care of themselves properly. Not to get off of their medications if they need them, you know, but if they didn't need to be on average, and maybe work up to getting off of those medications or to at ease so that they can at least have a better quality of life. So and then I actually got out of that and decided to go to culinary school because I wanted to go travel the world and I was getting a divorce. So I thought now's the time. And after working in food for a really long time. I was like, Well, I have all this medical knowledge. I have all this food knowledge. I have all this personal journey of healing myself with food. I can use all of that together to be able to help other people do that for themselves. And during that whole process, I would get phone calls from random people that are like hey, my cousin so that you could help me because I just got diagnosed with Seven different food allergies, and I need to know how to replace all of the recipes I make because they contain most of those foods, please help, I'll pay you, you know, and I'm like, Okay, well, no problem. And rewriting a recipe, I think is super fun. Because when you have the knowledge of a chef to be able to look at a recipe and say, These foods are so similar to these foods, but people don't fit. But you can make the same recipe with these other things. Even in my house, where like, the only problems with food that we have is gluten and dairy, I still will make the same chili like 12 different ways with a whole bunch of different mediums just to switch it up so that we're not eating the same foods all the time, because it's healthier for your body to eat a wider variety of foods. So having all those people come to me, really gave me confidence, to know that I could help them and then you know, I get an email or a call a month later, that's like, thank you so much you like, you saved my sanity, like, Oh, I was just trying to help you cook, you know, so really a nice way to go. So that's why I started going to school for the holistic wellness practitioner. And then like I said, with the yoga training, I have that. And then I've also got training in yoga nidra, which is a form of like guided meditation, I'm studying Irest, which was designed by the Department of Defense, it's called Irest, yoga nidra. It was designed by the Department of Defense with some yoga therapists, and then I think maybe psychologist or psychiatrist to help people that are in transition periods, or suffering from post traumatic stress, to be able to process what they're dealing with better and to handle their triggers in a healthier fashion. And so it kind of teaches you to like get into a mindset where something that might have triggered you before, if you like hear the sound or you you know, smell the smell you instantly without having to think about it start to like walk yourself through the technique and like go to your quote unquote, safe place in your brain, but you're still functioning on a normal level, it's just your body has learned how to process that stress and like remove you from the situation and remind you that you're not in that place anymore. It's pretty miraculous. And then I also am studying warriors at ease yoga training, which is trauma informed yoga. So we don't use phrases that might be triggering for people that have experienced trauma. And we don't do poses that might be triggering. And we only use English, we don't use Hindi or Sanskrit, which is used often in yoga classes, because that can be triggering for some people. Because even though it's not, you know, Arabic or Farsi, Urdu or any other language that they may have heard, and, you know, a deployment in the Middle East, it does sound like sometimes, and so it can be very triggering for people. So I'm studying that as well. And then he was like, how am I going to put all this together?

Jen Amos: 23:00

I was gonna say, I was like, that's a long resume going on.

: 23:03

It's like a salad of training, right? Yeah, when you go in your refrigerator, and you're like, I'm gonna make a salad with all these leftover vegetables, like, my training is. And so it was like, Well, what is the basis of these trainings? Right? teaching people how to be well in home, and it's teaching them to build resilience. That's what I'm gonna call it then. Yeah, Wellness and Resilience Training. And then people really want to know all of my experience and different things. They can ask me or they can read about it on my about page. And then otherwise, they can just know that the services I offer are coaching or, you know, recipe rewriting, or one on one yoga training or a combination of these things.

Jen Amos: 23:50

Yeah. Wow, I have so many thoughts, but I thought I'd check in with Jenny Lynn. That's like nodding earlier and I think you were notetaking so I thought I'd check in with you,

: 24:00

man. Yeah, I mean, so many, again, speaking my mental health language, love that you transfer all of this to the Family Readiness Group. I'm also a huge proponent of Family Readiness groups. We are a navy family so ours look a little different also very much the same. And you know, having that connection point I just one want to applaud you for being the person that was like Well, nobody else is doing it. I guess I will because we are finding that a lot like there's a lot of military spouse burnout like that need for rest and resilience is I think at an all time high and because we don't have a lot of spaces for that like some of these really crucial things like fr Ds are kind of falling by the wayside which is really unfortunate. So thank you for being a huge proponent of that for your area. And you know, just offering these services to to spouses and things I think is just is really good trying to think about my shared a lot of information I'm trying to like scroll through my sticker All through my like, you know, Rolodex of things. But really, it's just, I appreciate you taking all of your time and experience and sharing it with people who I do really think are at an all time like depletion low with the way that deployment cycles are going and up tempo and PCs saying and throw in a little pandemic, and you've got, you know, you've got like a giant, giant stress headache. So, you know, I think it's great that you offer tools to help kind of combat that without it feeling like, oh, my gosh, this is what more they gonna have to do to be healthy.

Jen Amos: 25:37

Right? Well, let's go into some practical ways that our listeners can get started. In regards to Wellness and Resilience Training. Like, obviously, we want them to reach out to you to really get the professional help. But if there's any, you know, practical things that they can walk away with today, what would you like to share with our listeners?

: 25:58

Well, one of the things is, and we talked about for just like a second earlier, is all of the volunteering that I do have, at this installation alone, I think I've got about 15 or 1800 hours of volunteer over the last two years. But if you look at it, that's maybe two to four hours a day. And it doesn't play out that way. You know what I mean? Because there's like, I do any events from Memorial Day where I have 510 hour days. And then I don't do anything for four months. But that's how I keep my sense of me. Right? Like, I am a military spouse, I am a mom, I am a student, I am a coach. But who am I right? And like what matters to me. And so I mean, even if someone is a banker, and they love their job, because they love numbers, and they love money, and they love helping people invest. That's great. They're a banker, but is that really what keeps them in touch with them like it in their soul? Does that make them happy, and does that matter to them every day. And if it does, great, they don't, they might not need to volunteer. But finding something that matters, and just finding a way to do it. Like, I know we're in a pandemic. And so volunteering looks a lot different right now. But at the same time, there are so many organizations that might need help, you know, like Meals on Wheels and stuff, they can't really do what they used to do. So they need people to like, just go ding dong gets delivery food on people's front doorstep. So you know, there are different things, I work with Blue Star families, they always, always have things every year, they do a thing called the Yellow Ribbon trees and Starbucks across the country. Normally, what that looks like is there's a tree put up and there's ornaments put next to it, and the trees decorated with yellow ribbons. And anybody that wants to honor a service member goes and writes their name on it, or puts a quote or something and then hangs an ornament on the tree this year, you can't do that. So what they did was they sent us all a box of ornaments, whoever was a volunteer that wanted to put up a tree, and we get to decorate the tree to honor a service member and then still put it up in a Starbucks. It's to honor all service members, you know, whether they're home or whether they're deployed. And it's just, I do that with my daughter, too, you know, she's fine. But she loves it. Like she has her own little blue star family shirt, and she puts it on and she's like, we're gonna go do stuff for the community. I don't know how to explain to her what volunteering means. So I say we're helping the community. And I taught her that community means the place that you live. And so she gets really excited about it. And then my husband, when he's home will help with those things. And it's a way for us to bond as a family. But it's also like, it's my thing. So if nobody else wants to help me, I don't care. I do it anyway. You know, I

Jen Amos: 28:57

You're right, you're like it was to begin with anyway, you're just yet sort of a part of it. If you write, you know, I won't take it, I won't take offense if you don't tag along.

: 29:07

Absolutely. And it's a way for him to show that he supports me as a person and an individual. be helping me with those things when you can. So that's a really good experience for us as a couple as well, you know, or even just for him to make sure he goes out of his way to be home to take care of Ella so that when I do have like a scheduled time I have to be somewhere doing the volunteering activity. That's also important to me, you know, so it's a good way for him to support me in the same way that I support him as a spouse by just being there and showing up for me. And that's something that, you know, other people can do is look for volunteering opportunities. Something else that I learned that yoga teacher training, and it's very funny, but it makes a lot of sense is they told us a mindfulness technique can be as simple as when you're doing the dishes, do the dishes Trump's gonna laugh and they're like, No, you know, like, everybody's always like doing this chore. And then you're thinking about all the other chores that you have to do, right? Like, I'm doing these dishes, and then I need to go to the grocery store, and I have to get this and I gotta come home and I gotta cook dinner. And then I need to get the kids in bed and who stop, do the dishes like you're doing the dishes, just thinking about those other things isn't going to get them done. And some, raise your anxiety levels, and you need to stop and write down the list so that you don't forget the other things you need to do to help you focus, then do that, and then come back the dishes or whatever the task is, you know, like folding the socks, or whatever, and just focus on it. And pay attention to like, the way that the water feels on your hands and the smell of the soap and the sound of the dishes clanking be truly here, like in the moment, I know, we hear that phrase a lot like be in the moment. So that means like, literally just stop with your laundry list of everything else that you are trying to think of in your life. And focus literally on what you're doing right now. You can you know, another one that's really good is going for a walk, and just going through your senses, like what's something I can see what's something I can smell, what's something I can hear what's something I can feel, you probably don't want to say what you can taste, but if you find something you want to taste, or you're on that walk, maybe you grab an ice cream or something, you know, then add that sense. And so just little things like that, you know, and one of the teachers that I had at yoga teacher training, also used to say when she would sit on her couch, because she was obviously into meditating a lot. But meditation, I mean that you have to like sit somewhere in a quiet room, close your eyes and say on a whole bunch of times, right meditating is literally bringing yourself into an awareness of yourself and how you feel at the present moment. And then like embracing that situation. So you can like sit on the couch when you're watching TV with your family at night. And just maybe not pay attention to the show for a few minutes. And just think about how you feel sitting there with your family. You know, think about how much you love your kids think about how much you love your spouse, think about how much you love yourself, your daughter, whatever, you know how much you loved gardening that day. And then something else that, you know, check in at dinnertime. Everybody like you were saying you do a mental health check in at the beginning of these shows, what we do is we say what was your favorite part of your day? And then what is something that was a big challenge for you today? And we started it off by just saying what was your favorite part of the day, because especially when you have little ones, it might be hard to get them to understand what this whole situation is about. And if you started off with incorporating the challenge, a lot of the time people might not feel comfortable participating. Because they're not, you know, as a society, we're not really used to speaking about, honestly about things that are challenging us. And depending on your family, it might not be something that happens very much at all, you know? So just check in, say, what was your favorite part of the day, ask why it was their favorite part of the day. And everybody takes a turn. And then you know, and if it's not at dinner, if you can't, you know, schedule dinner time together, but just a time when you're all in the same room, even if it's like right before bed, you know, just try to get it in. And then or even at breakfast, you know, what was your favorite thing yesterday, if you know that this is the only time that you're going to be together as a family during the day? What was your favorite thing that happened yesterday? And then after you've been doing that for a week or two? Add in? What was something that challenged you? And how did you deal with that challenge and then talk about it. And if they say like, somebody punched me and I ran away, you know, you can Okay, well, how could we have dealt with this better? Or like why did they punch you, you know, try to talk about it if like came bullied, that's a really good way to get them to talk about it and to learn how to deal with it and handle it. Or you know, if they're struggling in a math class or something, it's a really good way to find out without them having to come to you directly that people are facing and between spouses, that's hugely important as well, you know, because a lot of the time especially if you're like the caregiver person at home, even though we all know that our spouses go to work and that they're service members and they've got these ridiculously hard jobs. So we're like I have no idea what you do when you go there. They don't talk about the challenges that they have you know, in some days they just come home feeling completely defeated because they just got reprimanded all day by command and we have no idea because they didn't yet you ask them straight out what was something that challenge you today and they're like, man, like my husband's in communications in he's like, like the satellite bro. You know, the communications cable dot cut, like, I couldn't get anything set up for the training that we were doing and I just got yelled at by like 30 Sudden people like, Oh, they're getting yelled at and pulled into meetings. And then they were mad at me because I wasn't getting stuff done because I wasn't out there and working on it because I was in a meeting. But he's not going to come home and tell me that, you know, so it gives me a little better state of mind as to his state of mind. And so then I can say, Oh, well, like, Do you need a hug. So it's just, those are all just really simple things that you can do, you know, for valiance. And then, honestly, if it comes to wellness, or food, all I tell people is just incorporate more plants, like, everything you're eating is fine, try and eat one more piece of fruit a day. You know, I like that one of my friends posted on her Instagram a few weeks ago, plant based doesn't mean you have to be a vegan, right? It's true. It just means there's more plant on your plate than there is meat. You know, and so like, it's supposed to be like that. Anyway, if you actually look at like my plate, or any of these other things, guidance from any government across the world that has designed like a food guidance, it's like half to two thirds plants, you know, and then a little bit of like meat and possibly dairy or something. So just you know, eat an extra piece of fruit. If you're like putting, you know, canned pears on your toddler's lunch plate or something, have a couple in your mouth while you're doing it. Like get things in there when you can, you know, growing. So if you're making pasta, you know, someone really hates peas, they can pick them out, they're easy to pick out. Like I just tried to do stuff like that. And then it just becomes a habit. And they're used to seeing them there. And then they eat them.

Jen Amos: 36:43

Yeah, wonderful. Thank you for sharing all that. I feel like you should have like a daily post our daily announcement of like, ways to continue to work on your wellness and resiliency, because like everything you listed, I was like, Oh my gosh, like that could just be you know, one piece of information you share, like every single day that I check in with Jenny Lynn, any thoughts?

: 37:03

Oh, man, I love the check in we do a similar thing at my house. We call it highs and lows. Like what was your high today? What was your low today? Man, my boys are a little older. So they do, you know, understand the the challenge portion of it. But as you were talking, I was thinking like, oh, you know, since the pandemic, because we're not all away from the house like we used to be? We haven't really done that. And I realized listening to you talk like, oh, I realized now why am I people are behaving the way that they're behaving? Because we've kind of taken out that daily check in because we're always together. So we assume we know what the other ones doing? And the truth is, we don't so thank you for reminding me to bring back highs and lows I'm gonna ask today. Awesome.

Jen Amos: 37:46

Wow, Madeline, you just shared a wealth of knowledge and advice and compassion to our community today. So I just want to take a moment here to thank you, you know, for showing up today and sharing your story and what led you to hone in on everything that you've gathered in your life to do what you're doing today. You know, before we go, I want to see if there's any final parting advice that you want to share to our, you know, military family community that listens to our show. I think just

: 38:15

remember to pay attention to your inner voice, your intuition will guide you. And if your inner voice is struggling, or, you know, you're thinking about should I find a therapist? Or should I talk to dietician or nutritionist or anything like that, you probably should, you're not going to think should I talk to a therapist, if you don't have things to talk to a therapist about, right. So if you're feeling like you need a therapist or feeling like you need to, you know, drink more water than drink an extra cup of water when you get up in the morning. You know, just things like that. But you can really learn to just listen to your inner voice on by taking those small steps by instead of sitting there pondering on it for three days, just do it kind of thing you will teach yourself to hear what's happening in your own body. And that will help you to be more resilient, when you have challenges come up that are completely unexpected. Or even if it's just the PCs, you know, like, you will be able to face those because you'll be stronger in general, and you will feel more secure and your own sense of self and the decisions that you make during that process. Because you've learned to hear yourself. Wow, that makes sense.

Jen Amos: 39:39

No, I mean, basically, yes. Trust your inner voice. You know, listen to your inner voice like don't doubt it, you know, is what you're really saying. And obviously it's like if you're already asking yourself the question anyway, you probably know the answer. Just whatever reason you're fighting against it. And it's important, you know, to unpack that. Wow, beautifully said Mandel. then in case people want to get a hold of you, which I believe they will, how can they find you online?

: 40:05

Right now I'm on Instagram only I just rebranded. So my website is under construction and about to be relaunched and the next month or so. But it's the helo Terry spouse on Instagram so it's th e and then heal white healing H E A L. I, a ry Yoli. Terry like military spouse.

Jen Amos: 40:30

I love that the healer Terry spouse, that's clever. wrote that down for myself. It

Unknown Speaker: 40:36

took me four years to get there.

Jen Amos: 40:41

Well, you made it. And Jenny Lynn, just want to see if you had any closing thoughts on your end?

: 40:46

No, I'm good. That was great, excellent tips and things to do to help us all stay well in this pandemic, and also almost holiday season where things seem a little more stressful anyway, so thanks for all the good tips.

Jen Amos: 40:59

Yeah, absolutely. All right. Well, with that said, we hope that today's episode gave you one more piece of knowledge, resource or relevant story, so you can continue to make confident and informed decisions for you and your family. We look forward to speaking with you in the next episode. Until then, tune in next time

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