Embracing the Past and Finding Hope: Rebekah Hope's Journey
In this episode, the host welcomes Rebekah Hope, who shares her experience growing up Amish and eventually leaving the community. Rebekah talks about her struggles with mental health, including suicidal ideation starting at age eight and her journey to survival after two suicide attempts.
Rebekah discusses her path to finding purpose, becoming a life coach, and embracing her Amish upbringing. The conversation touches on the need for normalizing discussions around mental health and suicide prevention, emphasizing the importance of creating safe spaces for open dialogue. Rebekah also highlights the significance of always choosing love and offers hope for those struggling with mental health challenges.
00:00 Welcome and Introduction
00:30 Rebekah's Background and Amish Upbringing
04:57 Embracing Amish Heritage
06:26 Struggles with Mental Health and Suicide
08:26 Leaving the Amish Community
24:38 Rumspringa and Amish Traditions
38:30 Normalizing Conversations on Mental Health
47:27 Mission to Prevent Suicide
51:09 Closing Remarks and Future Conversations
Mentioned in this episode:
Welcome, Elaine's mission and trigger warning
This is a welcome to the show, with Elaine's mission laid out and a trigger warning for content that may be difficult to hear.
It's so nice to be back.
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:I am very excited today to introduce
you to my guest, Rebekah Hope.
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:Thank you for being with us, Rebekah.
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:Rebekah Hope: Thank you for having me.
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:Elaine Lindsay: It's heading into winter.
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:We've just been chatting
about the weather.
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:And I must admit, as
usual, I'm a little cold.
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:I'm always a little cold these days.
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:With that said, I would like us to
get right to finding out a little
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:bit more about Rebekah before
we dive into our conversation.
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:So how about you give us a little update
about who you are and what you do?
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:Rebekah Hope: Yeah.
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:So talking about the snow, I grew up in
Michigan where we used to shovel our way
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:out of the house every winter morning.
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:Also I grew up on a dairy farm.
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:So yes, in the middle of nowhere, Michigan
I grew up, actually grew up Amish.
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:My parents, my family,
they're still Amish.
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:I am not, I left about 12 years ago.
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:And when I left, I moved to Minnesota,
which wasn't much warmer than Michigan.
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:Still a lot of snow.
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:And then in 2018, I moved to
Tennessee and the first thing my
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:dad said was you just couldn't
handle the cold anymore, could you?
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:To that, I would say, Dad, I have not
been able to stand the cold for 20 years.
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:So
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:that is the number one of the main reasons
I moved here was because of the cold.
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:I have never really cared for it.
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:As we were talking, Off camera
if it snowed just on Christmas
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:day, like that would be perfect.
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:Have a white Christmas and then go
back to the fifties like we have today.
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:So that would be good.
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:But yeah, that's kind of me in a nutshell.
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:Elaine Lindsay: Oh I really like that.
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:And it's something I just want to, I
want to mention because it's interesting
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:that I find, is it, is there a
dialect that goes with being Amish?
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:Rebekah Hope: So yes, I
would say a German dialect.
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:I did not learn English
until I went to school.
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:I grew up, our spoken language Is
what they call Pennsylvania Dutch.
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:And then everything relating to
their religion was in high German.
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:So I learned to speak some high German
spoken language was Pennsylvania Dutch.
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:And then I learned English.
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:When I was six years old
and started going to school,
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:Elaine Lindsay: Thank
you so much for that.
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:I think it's very interesting to me that's
not something that people talk about.
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:But I think I come from Scotland.
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:My, my father, who is going
on 92 still has an accent like
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:he got off the boat yesterday.
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:I went to school in Canada from
kindergarten on, so I sound Canadian,
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:although Canadians say I say certain
things a little differently, but
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:I always found I have an ear for
accents because I'm so used to them.
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:And I know a number of Amish
people, but from different areas.
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:And I thought it's interesting.
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:Cause to me, there's always that accent.
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:Like I have friends that are
South African and I know a South
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:African accent and I know a German
accent and the French accent.
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:Rebekah Hope: So I have one,
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:Elaine Lindsay: an Amish accent.
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:Absolutely.
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:Rebekah Hope: Really?
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:I have tried so hard to get rid of that.
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:Elaine Lindsay: Beautiful.
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:Its beautiful
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:Rebekah Hope: when I first
left, I was made fun of.
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:It a lot.
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:Because I spoke very broken
English, German and English.
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:Their sentences are very backwards.
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:So I used to not say the sentences in a
proper way because it was so backwards.
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:English was so backwards because
I was made fun of a lot for that.
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:I tried to get rid of it.
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:Elaine Lindsay: That's really awful
to me because I think I love the
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:lilt of the different accents.
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:And in fact, the German
accent is much more guttural.
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:It is a much more staccato language.
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:than a lot of languages.
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:It doesn't flow, but I think the
Pennsylvania Dutch lends that lilt
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:to the high German that you use.
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:So I it's just me, but I
think it's very pretty.
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:Rebekah Hope: Why,
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:thank you.
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:Elaine Lindsay: You're very welcome.
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:Rebekah Hope: I have definitely
learned to embrace the, my Amish
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:upbringing instead of hiding it,
which I used to hide it pretty well.
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:I had friends for years that
didn't even know I grew up Amish
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:because that's how much I hated it.
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:But I have a few years ago.
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:It started when I published my book in
:
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:I just, I started embracing that where I'm
like, you know what, this is a part of me.
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:And if I deny that, then I'm denying a
part of myself that the reality of it
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:is that's always going to be a part of
me, whether I am still living it or not.
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:So
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:Elaine Lindsay: absolutely.
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:And I think we'll talk about
your experiences growing up
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:Amish, but I firmly believe that.
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:All of the pieces of us all of the
familial pieces, all of the different
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:traditions and dialects and what
have you are all a part of us.
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:And we can only fully be who we are
when we embrace all those parts.
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:Rebekah Hope: Yes, that's
that is now what I stand for.
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:That's what I do in my life coaching
because I found it for myself.
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:And that's why I became super
passionate about helping others
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:find that for themselves as well.
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:Very much.
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:Elaine Lindsay: That's
absolutely beautiful.
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:So with that said, let's dive into
the meat of why we're here today.
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:Let's do it.
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:And you can choose to start
your story wherever you'd like.
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:Rebekah Hope: I know your platform
is a lot on suicide prevention and
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:people of stories about maybe having
attempted or know somebody who did.
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:Just up front, I am a two
time suicide survivor.
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:It suicidal ideations started for me
when I was around eight years old.
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:That's the early memory I have of it.
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:And I just remember finding my escape,
looking out the bedroom window, just
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:visualizing myself jumping off of my
dad's silo and thinking that it would
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:look like an accident, and therefore
Nobody could call me, a coward
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:for ending my life kind of thing.
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:But that is where my thoughts went.
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:That's very much where I found my escape.
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:Just seeing it as an
option if I needed to.
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:And even though that's where I found
comfort, it was, an escape for me.
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:There was also a part of
me that just felt like.
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:something wasn't right about it.
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:I would make comments about you guys
would be better off without me or
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:just subtle comments to my siblings,
or I think even to my mom sometimes.
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:And the response was always like,
While you're crazy to even say that,
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:like, why would you even say that?
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:And that's you shouldn't say
that it was very dismissive and
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:very much left me feeling like I
was crazy for even saying that.
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:I do believe was also part of why
I'm going, so this isn't normal.
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:It isn't.
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:Not everybody has this.
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:So when I was 17 years old,
I chose to leave the Amish.
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:I chose to no longer live
within the Amish religion.
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:And because of the way I was raised,
I was educated in a way that.
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:How would I say it?
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:It was intentional to keep me
within the Amish community.
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:And that's the only place
I am able to survive.
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:That, that was the intention of
the, my entire childhood education.
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:So as you can imagine, a 17 year
old who was already suicidal, very
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:much lost, trapped in an eating
disorder leaving everyone she knew.
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:You can probably imagine how that went
as far as Being able to even survive,
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:but I will say I had a very resilient
spirit and I remember the morning that
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:I left, it was a cold February morning
and again, Michigan snowy, cold I just
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:remember thinking if this is the end,
then so be it, because I would rather
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:die than live in this one more day.
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:I just couldn't because of things
that were going on in the home.
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:The perceptions I had of what
my family thought about me
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:and the community at large.
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:I didn't really have any friends.
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:There was a lot of abuse going on in
the home and just different things like
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:that, that all contributed to this.
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:So when I left, again, that meant I was
shunned, my family disowned me, and,
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:again, the education part, I had no
tools, I had no means of, this is how you
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:survive outside the Amish community it
definitely took a lot of resilience, a lot
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:of courage for me to survive that, but,
It was trying to remember the exact date.
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:I just know it was the following year.
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:So a little over a year after I had left
the Amish that I had my first attempt.
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:And again, trying to be creative where I
wanted to make it look like an accident.
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:And I just remember being in the
hospital bed and I was so mad because
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:I realized that I had survived it and
give you a little bit of a visual.
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:I ran my car off the road.
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:I was going around 80 miles
an hour in a, in an area.
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:It was a country road where the speed
limit was 45 going around a curb.
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:And I just made a sharp right into the
ditch and I had actually seen a tree and
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:I thought it was going to hit it, And,
long story short, I survived it, but the
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:car rolled lengthwise, and then rolled
three times, and if you look at the
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:car today, I don't know how I survived.
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:It was yeah there, I shouldn't
have survived that, but I did.
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:And I remember coming out of that
going, there's gotta be a bigger
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:purpose to my life this because I just
can't keep going like this thinking
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:there's no purpose to my being here.
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:I really truly believed I was a mistake
because from a very young age, I also
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:believed that my parents wanted me.
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:To be a boy, they expect me to be a boy.
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:And again, backstory on the Amish, my,
my dad bought a dairy, a hundred acre
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:dairy farm five months before I was born.
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:So my mom was already pregnant with
me and they already had three girls.
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:I am, I'm the fourth of eight kids.
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:And now if that true or not, whether
they really wanted me to be a
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:boy or not, or expected me to be.
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:I have never asked them that.
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:That is just what I perceived
growing up and how I felt.
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:So again, I w I was the wrong gender.
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:And then I was I was an outcast.
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:I was the black sheep of the family and
now I am not even in the family anymore.
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:So what really purpose
do I have to be here?
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:That's what it's gotten to.
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:And I remember it was one night and
I should also reference, I I am a
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:born again follower of Jesus Christ.
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:I found Jesus when I it was shortly
after I had left the Amish actually
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:before this happened, which also I think
contributed to my anger on why I survived
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:because I was like, Lord, why would
you let me live if I have to suffer?
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:So now, I was blaming God for this, but
10 years later, I do know that it wasn't,
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:God saved me, but he didn't create me
to be on this earth, just to suffer.
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:I know that for a fact now, because
I felt my purpose and my calling.
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:But at that time I very much
did not know what that was.
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:I didn't, again, didn't have that
community, didn't have that support.
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:I didn't have anybody to lead
me or just show me the way.
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:So yeah, that's wow.
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:It's a lot for you to go
through as a child even before
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:we get to your teen years.
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:To be eight years old and to already be
burdened by feeling that you don't belong
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:and feeling that they would have preferred
you to be a different gender, that's an
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:awful lot of stuff to put on a child.
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:Now, whether they did.
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:put it on you or you put it on you.
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:It really doesn't matter at this point.
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:The fact is, you were shouldering
that burden and that is
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:much too much for a child.
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:The fact that it took a year after you
left the community, For you to get to a
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:place where you thought it best just to
exit, I want to say that speaks to your
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:resilience and wow, that takes a lot.
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:I grew up with suicidal ideation
since I was five, so I know
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:exactly what you're talking about.
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:And
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:it's important, I think,
for us to note that.
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:It seems suicidal ideation in very
young people, even though you're
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:looking to exit, it's always in a
way that leaves people feeling grief
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:but not feeling responsible for it.
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:is really interesting because when we
are so inward turned, we're wanting to do
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:what we think is best for those around us.
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:And it's never leaving them with pain.
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:The unfortunate thing is if we do pass,
we are leaving them all with pain.
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:And I think that's an important
distinction, because if you, if somebody
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:in our audience thinks that those around
you would be better off without you, we
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:are here to tell you that's not true.
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:Absolutely.
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:Absolutely not true, no matter what you
think, no matter what has happened, and
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:something, Rebekah, that you said, that
I think I mirror, we don't know exactly
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:what those around us, be they our family
members, our friends, if we've never
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:asked them We cannot assume what they
think or how they feel and that's a, I
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:don't want this to sound mean, but it's
a conceit on our part that we know.
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:And that's a human feeling.
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:We can't help but feel that way.
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:Yeah.
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:And if I could even just speak to that
for a second, where again, I think
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:it was very cultural for me, where.
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:We did not have those conversations.
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:We didn't really talk.
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:So for me to even ask them
if they, is this your intent?
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:I, we did not have those conversations.
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:I do remember cause when I was 16, I
ran away from home and then they brought
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:me back because I was still under age
and my parents have that authority.
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:So when I came back my dad.
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:Like he sat down and he told me, he's
if you ever want to talk, I don't care
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:if it's two in the morning, we are here,
your mom and I, we are here and we want
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:you to talk, we want to talk to you, but.
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:Then on the flip side of that,
they never created that safe space
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:for a teenager to talk to them.
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:I didn't trust my parents.
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:I really didn't.
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:I did not feel safe with them.
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:I I remember, I know I was over 21.
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:I just remember I was of age
until when I had that first
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:moment of actually being able to.
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:Face my dad, look him in the
eyes without being scared, like
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:without being completely terrified.
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:And even then it terrified me, but it
did something for me where it it gave
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:me that sliver of, I'm getting back my
control, my voice, like I'm taking back
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:that control Because my dad had that
control over me for a very long time.
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:Even after I left the Amish, it's
interesting how you can leave something
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:like that, but you continue in those
ways and those people still have
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:that control over you, which is.
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:That's very much what I dealt
with because I didn't understand
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:how those things will follow you.
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:It's funny how it can take the strangest
things for us to realize how deeply
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:our upbringing is embedded in us.
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:The strangest things set that off
there's no rhyme or reason, but our
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:childhoods, what we learn in childhood,
the tenets we learn the fear we learn.
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:Yeah.
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:Whether rightly or wrongly.
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:Elaine Lindsay: Okay.
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:That stays with us forever.
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:And, in, in my case, , my mother used the
phrase, wait until your father comes home.
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:That was to me, the kiss of death.
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:I remember that.
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:Rebekah Hope: yes I can
definitely relate to that.
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:Yeah.
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:Elaine Lindsay: As an adult.
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:Okay.
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:The worst thing that ever happened.
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:My father threw his
glasses against the wall.
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:My father never laid a hand on any of us.
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:Any of us, there's only two of us.
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:But that was not my father's way.
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:But my mother knew that the threat
was enough to make me believe
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:because of how it was said.
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:The funny thing was, She would talk
about, he would lose his job because
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:he would, he was in the military and he
would have to have his glasses replaced.
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:It doesn't even make sense
now as an adult so what?
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:He broke his glasses.
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:No, he had me believing that,
the colonel of the base would be
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:notified that my father had to
get new glasses because of me.
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:Yeah.
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:And those patterns of thinking,
I, the more I, cause I studied
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:psychology for a little bit and
I got a diploma in mental health.
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:Like I've gotten the
educational part of it.
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:Plus the personal experience of just like
how you develop the thought patterns.
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:And that it's never placed upon a
child to make sure that they think
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:properly, it's something that's
ingrained in them by association.
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:And back to the reference I made
earlier about Like, why was I
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:thinking the way I was thinking?
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:It had to do with how I perceived the
people around me and what was placed
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:upon me, what you were referencing
as far as your mom talking to you.
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:So the things that I heard, the
things that I was told, let me
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:to believe that I was not wanted.
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:Let me to believe that I was a mistake
and that I was the wrong gender and that
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:I was better off if I wouldn't be there.
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:And the only reason they
wanted me there was.
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:Because there were a lot of chores to do
and I, they needed me to do those chores.
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:I, that, that was just, I took
great pride in my physical
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:abilities simply because of that.
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:And I spent my entire childhood and
teenage years doing what I thought
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:boys would do as far as working
in the field with my dad and just
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:proving to him that it did not
matter if I wore a dress or pants.
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:That I could do what he needed done yet.
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:It was just like never quite enough.
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:But what I wanted to reference there is
it does not matter how much people get
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:you to believe that you shouldn't be
here or you're not, you're a mistake.
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:It is simply not.
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:True.
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:You might feel that way and we can
validate that feeling, but then we need
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:to dive into why do you feel that way?
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:Because that feeling can change and it
is, it's a lie that you're believing
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:that you shouldn't be on this earth.
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:That was, I was deceived into believing
that because of how I perceived my
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:surroundings and the people in my life.
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:So I just really felt that in my heart.
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:Reference that.
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:That is such an important point.
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:Thank you for taking it that much farther.
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:I really appreciate that.
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:It's, it is so critical that we
understand all those pieces because
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:being brought up in different
religions to whatever extent
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:is a form of indoctrination.
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:Absolutely.
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:And I believe that being Amish.
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:There is a wider net cast in
making one Amish than making
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:one a Christian or Catholic.
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:My, I was brought up Catholic.
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:It did not, it was not all encompassing.
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:It was not, it wasn't the
umbrella over all we did.
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:I didn't, do things a certain
way because I was Catholic.
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:It is different if you're
Mennonite or you're Amish.
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:Your ways of doing things
are related to being
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:well, everything revolves
around their religion.
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:That's the core of their lifestyle.
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:So exactly.
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:And
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:That's a really important distinction
because I'm going to ask a
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:question simply out of curiosity.
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:Complete ignorance, but I understood
as teenagers, you had, what
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:Rebekah Hope: is it?
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:Rumspringa?
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:Rumspringa, yeah.
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:So that's sorry, did you
have a question along that?
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:Elaine Lindsay: I just, because you left
at 17 Did you not have that option or,
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:Rebekah Hope: okay.
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:Yeah.
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:So that is probably the number
one question I get is, okay.
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:So did you leave during rum
springer or what is that even?
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:Some people don't even
know what room springer is.
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:And for those who don't, rum springer
is a time in a teenager's life where
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:parents simply close their eyes, turn
their back and allow their child to
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:explore the world without consequences.
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:They can drive a car.
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:I have all of the modern day technology
and they're, the reason for that is
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:they believe that if they allow their
child to get that out of their system,
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:they will then want to come back and
settle down as an Amish realizing that
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:the world is not the way the Amish
are the only way for my community.
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:We were not allowed that simply because.
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:My parents, my the specific community.
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:Cause there's different communities,
different types of Amish.
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:My community thought that would be giving
your child a one way ticket to hell.
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:That is in literal form.
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:That is what they thought.
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:So we did not have that option.
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:Therefore, we weren't,
there was no way out.
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:But an interesting factor about that
is those who do have the privilege
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:of going through Romspringa, a larger
percentage of those actually come back.
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:Yeah.
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:Then those who leave and never come back.
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:So I found that super interesting
when I was doing that research.
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:Elaine Lindsay: Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Thank you.
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:Thank you for that because
that was my question.
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:A long time ago, I researched that
I had done some work with an Amish
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:community and I was just really
fascinated by the whole concept.
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:It's a tiny relation to this, but
when I was 12 years old, my parents
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:sat me down and my father said, we
want to talk to you about smoking.
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:Okay.
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:We don't want you to smoke.
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:We don't think it's a good thing.
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:And this is way, way back when.
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:So it wasn't even considered
really a bad thing yet.
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:But my father said, I cannot
in all good conscience tell
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:you not to smoke because I do.
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:I only ask, your mother and I want
you to ask our permission first.
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:We would like to know
if you plan to smoke.
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:And it was the best psychology
anyone could have used.
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:Because it was like okay,
I don't need to do that.
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:It was the permission was all that
was required for me not to do that.
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:And the not doing it was my own choice.
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:But had they simply said, we don't
want you to smoke, I think as a
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:teenager, I would have felt hell
bent on then I'm going to smoke.
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:So I thought of Rumspringa as that,
okay, we'll take the brakes off.
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:We'll let you do whatever.
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:And you'll come to your
senses pretty quickly.
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:And yeah the numbers for me were borne
out because There are more who come back.
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:I didn't realize there were communities
where that was not available.
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:Rebekah Hope: The interesting part of
that is I didn't even know Rumspringa
410
:existed until after I left the Amish.
411
:Oh, no!
412
:Yeah, because I, naturally, you
meet other Examish and you connect
413
:because, oh, you grew up the way I did.
414
:Okay.
415
:You get to talking and I'm
like, what do you mean?
416
:Rumspringa?
417
:You mean your parents
allowed you to do that?
418
:And they let you park your
vehicle on their property.
419
:That was just bizarre to me.
420
:I like, I couldn't even get the concept
of it at first because I just, I actually
421
:didn't believe it at first because it
was so funny to me, you I've now met
422
:a lot of people who actually they left
during Rumspringa and never went back.
423
:But it was also through those
conversations that I searched deeper
424
:and did, did some more research
and realized that there is a larger
425
:percentage who end up going back than
those who never have it leave and.
426
:Definitely don't want to go back.
427
:Like myself.
428
:So it's yeah, that's interesting.
429
:How parenting is yeah I'm not a
parent, so I speak to that, but
430
:I can see how the psychology part
of it that you were speaking about
431
:that, that I definitely see that
432
:Elaine Lindsay: well, and the
fact is as a And a grandparent.
433
:I now understand.
434
:We don't come with a handbook.
435
:Parents only do what they know.
436
:Or what they've seen.
437
:And it makes it very hard for people who
have grown up in an abusive situation
438
:because in all likelihood the parents
came from an abusive association.
439
:And
440
:it's part of the human condition.
441
:If all you know is abuse,
that to you is love.
442
:And that is what you search for, right?
443
:Because that's what you know.
444
:On, on the other side, if you grow
up in a loving household, Then it's a
445
:little easier to try and be loving to
your children, but still they don't
446
:come with a handbook and Yeah, we all
have different personalities and It can
447
:be challenging to bring up children.
448
:We don't you know what one of my guests We
don't come with a handbook for our brain.
449
:This is something that every
child should be taught to utilize.
450
:And we don't.
451
:You need to get a license for
a bicycle, or a dog, or a cat.
452
:But there is no requirements to
drive your brain, which is the
453
:most powerful computer on earth.
454
:Which is mind blowing
when you think of it.
455
:Rebekah Hope: And I do know that
has a lot to do with it's definitely
456
:a big contributing factor in me
being able to give my parents grace
457
:in the way they raised me because
in their defense that truly is all
458
:they knew and from what I have seen.
459
:I do believe they grew up
even stricter than I did.
460
:Because they didn't even have the
technology part where they could
461
:access it like it wasn't available
to the world versus just not
462
:available to the Amish community.
463
:Now, if I was caught with a cell
phone, there were consequences,
464
:but in their age, like They weren't
even available for them to go find.
465
:So it was even easier for their
parents to have that authority
466
:when this is the way we live.
467
:You got to put up with it, or
this is just normal, as you said.
468
:And it's also interesting how speaking
to that It was quite a few years after
469
:I left until I actually admitted that
there was abuse in the home because I
470
:was simply with the belief that it wasn't
abuse because I was told it's not abuse.
471
:I was groomed to believe this is normal.
472
:And this is discipline.
473
:And if your dad beats you up, it's
because you did something to deserve it.
474
:Even if he didn't explain what that was,
you just knew that there was something
475
:you did wrong and next time do better.
476
:Like that was, yeah.
477
:Yeah, so I I think it was the first
time I actually am going, wait a minute,
478
:maybe that was abuse was when I went to
see a doctor about some physical pain
479
:that I have been experiencing for years.
480
:When it came down to it, they actually
wanted to call authorities on my
481
:parents, but I was already of age and
I was thinking of my siblings who are
482
:not and i'm going Yeah, I had convinced
them not to anyway, What I was trying
483
:to say is the doctor told me it was
abuse because I have a permanent
484
:damage to my body because of it.
485
:And when you are in physical pain and
you feel that pain every single day,
486
:at some point you got to come to the
conclusion that maybe it wasn't right.
487
:Maybe it wasn't okay.
488
:And that it took a doctor to tell me
that in order for me to even go, Yeah,
489
:I think what my parents did was abuse.
490
:Elaine Lindsay: Yeah, and that is
completely understandable when you
491
:are in a closed community, because
you can only know what you live.
492
:You can only know what's around you,
493
:and it makes it very hard for people
in closed communities, in whatever
494
:sect you may be, to understand where
that line is, what is acceptable and
495
:what is not acceptable, or what is the
norm in a society that is respectful
496
:to others persons.
497
:It's different from my time to yours.
498
:And it's different from my
time to my parents time.
499
:And, my father used to talk about his
grandmother, and I'm sorry, I don't know
500
:if it's maternal or paternal, but she
would take turns boxing the boy's ears.
501
:And telling them that was for
nothing, just imagine what
502
:you'll get for something.
503
:And I used to think, come on, you're
making that up, but he wasn't.
504
:It was considered she was an elder
and she would make them toe the line.
505
:Whether they were good, bad, or
indifferent kids didn't matter.
506
:Which, to me is quite odd.
507
:I know my grandmother never
would have thought of doing that.
508
:But, as Maya Angelou said, as
we know better, we do better.
509
:And I believe that, or I choose to
believe, that even closed sex, as
510
:times change, and children are more
inquisitive are growing up in front
511
:of our eyes faster than ever before.
512
:And the fact is I hate to bring this
down to monkeys, but they say, a monkey
513
:learns to peel a banana or a fruit or
whatever when they lived on an island.
514
:And after that, within the next
generation, all the monkeys
515
:everywhere know how to do that.
516
:They were never shown that.
517
:It's a, it becomes a generational thing.
518
:Most of the children, like you,
you talk about having a cell phone.
519
:If I had a cell phone when I was a kid.
520
:Somebody would have locked me up.
521
:They didn't exist.
522
:Barely the phone on the wall existed.
523
:But It's really interesting to me that
when my nephew's son, who is now 15, when
524
:he was here, he was, I think, 18 months
old, and he went into our family room,
525
:and he was trying to make the pictures
move on the television, because his
526
:father had an iPad, and you could move
things on the iPad, but he intrinsically
527
:just knew it's So I should just do this.
528
:It was fascinating to watch.
529
:Granted, my TV didn't do that, because
it wasn't But To be able to pick that up
530
:and to extrapolate that from one thing
at 18 months of age, like humans are
531
:going ahead by leaps and bounds.
532
:What that brings me to is how do we work
on that normalization of the conversation
533
:around suicide, around ideation, around
mental health, which in closed societies
534
:and even in open, we do not talk about.
535
:And that's why we're left with
all this stigma and shame and the
536
:constant silence around people
who have taken their own lives.
537
:Rebekah Hope: Yeah it is I definitely
chose a very hard topic because the
538
:stigma around it just, in the world at
large, but then to the extreme in my
539
:culture, it's really just not what you do.
540
:You just don't talk
about things like that.
541
:It, again, going, this might have,
not just been in the Amish community.
542
:If you go back far enough in age is
you're just either crazy or you're normal.
543
:And you, some people call it
the nut house, like whatever.
544
:I don't know if I can say that on
here, but just nobody wants to go
545
:there because those people are crazy.
546
:And I've been in a mental institution.
547
:I'm not crazy.
548
:I know I'm not.
549
:Do I have challenges?
550
:Yes.
551
:Mental health, it's the exact
same as physical health.
552
:We need to talk about it, not to
say that when you are, when you
553
:have a mental illness, that is okay.
554
:No, it's recognizing that The
issue at hand so we can fix it.
555
:Just if you have cancer, you
can't just say, okay, now it's
556
:okay and normal to have cancer.
557
:No, you're going to die.
558
:Like you need to deal with it.
559
:I've been diagnosed with different
things that I do believe that I have had.
560
:I still very much struggle with PTSD.
561
:I do not deny that, but it's.
562
:When you talk about normalizing these
conversations, it's your perception
563
:about it that will allow you to do
it's not somebody who is mentally
564
:challenged or yeah, I'm going to
just, I'm going to label it as
565
:somebody who is mentally challenged.
566
:They're not crazy.
567
:There is an issue.
568
:That needs to be dealt with because
you would never look at somebody who
569
:has cancer and go they're crazy ever.
570
:I mean if you do then there's other
conversations that need to be had.
571
:But I think you get my point.
572
:It is something that more people
struggle with it than we realize simply
573
:because we have not allowed those safe
places for the conversations to be had.
574
:So that the two main things that I do
with my life coaching is one, Suicide
575
:prevention, helping people recognize
certain things so that they don't
576
:go into the idea of the only escape
from this pain is ending my life.
577
:And then on the flip hand the flip
side of that people who have no
578
:clue, maybe the people who think
that you're crazy or you're normal
579
:educating them on mental health.
580
:Suicide prevention, what would
lead somebody to do that?
581
:And the signs that you can be looking for.
582
:I was the perfect example of that.
583
:I, it took me years actually for
me to tell my sister, I have one
584
:sister who left the Amish as well.
585
:And before I say this, I just want
to say we are really close today.
586
:Like we have a really
good relationship and.
587
:I am forever grateful that I have one
blood sister that I can say that about.
588
:But when I first attempted,
it took me a few years to even
589
:tell her that it was an attempt.
590
:And she, her first
response was actually, wow.
591
:I actually thought that was
cowardly and was I taken aback?
592
:Absolutely.
593
:But you know what it did?
594
:It brought awareness to
me that she doesn't know.
595
:She truly doesn't know.
596
:And you know why she doesn't know?
597
:Because I didn't tell her.
598
:I didn't tell her how I was feeling.
599
:Is she responsible to make that
safe place for me to talk about it?
600
:Yeah, to a certain extent.
601
:But I'm also responsible to talk
to her about it because how else
602
:is she going to know about it?
603
:So it's everyone taking responsibility
for their own actions Those who don't
604
:struggle with it How they can create
a safe space for those who do struggle
605
:with it That we can work together and
one isn't better than the other that
606
:was the biggest thing when I got out of
the hospital was They actually came and
607
:interviewed me and they're like, because
of the feedback I was giving them, they
608
:wanted to know what they are doing wrong
because I saw so many things wrong that
609
:just really but we, when I left, they
wanted an interview on my feedback.
610
:And I said, you know what, if I.
611
:Would it leave you was one thing I would
tell you that there cannot be a gap
612
:between a police officer showing up on for
example, that's how I was hospitalized.
613
:Like I am the example of police officers
showing up on scene because they
614
:thought I was going to take my life.
615
:And I will tell you that I very much felt
like they thought they were here and I was
616
:It's not even here you know what I mean?
617
:There cannot be a gap between those two.
618
:And for there to not be a gap between
those two, there needs to be education.
619
:Education.
620
:And they even, in the interview, they
even asked me, they're like, so are you
621
:saying like people who struggle with
mental health are like more educated
622
:than those, Who are trying to help them.
623
:You know what?
624
:I don't know if I use education, but
they're further advanced because they're
625
:trying to tell you what they need.
626
:And you're looking at them.
627
:Like we got to put them on Mets because
we can't handle their emotions right now.
628
:It's not going to fix anything.
629
:Anything at all, so
630
:I don't want to ran a
little bit there, but
631
:Elaine Lindsay: No, you, you got on,
you got off on the perfect grant,
632
:Rebekah Hope: As you can tell.
633
:Elaine Lindsay: Okay.
634
:Because you are singing my song.
635
:Okay, my song is about first responders
and all that deal with mental health
636
:issues and suicide and ideation.
637
:You have to immerse yourself first.
638
:And I firmly believe that surgeons
need to be put in hospital for 48 hours
639
:and have the residents work on them.
640
:The way they do on a patient
because patients are not sides
641
:of beef for first responders that
deal with mental health issues.
642
:You need to spend 24 to 48 hours
in a mental health facility.
643
:So you can understand how it feels and
understand life from the other side
644
:of what it feels like to be looked at.
645
:Sorry to say it this way, but as a lab
rat, okay, because very often, Policemen.
646
:are there to help and they want
to help, but their fear of what
647
:they don't know takes over.
648
:And you can't know what
you have not experienced.
649
:I don't care how smart you are.
650
:So that's been my lifelong dream,
if you will, is to have everyone who
651
:says they want to be helpful Then
fine, put yourself in their place.
652
:And once you've experienced that, you
will have a completely different view.
653
:Rebekah Hope: Exactly, because if we
are going to bring the suicide rate
654
:to zero, which is my goal, bring the
suicide rate to zero one life at a time.
655
:We have to believe that there is no
difference between, I'm just going
656
:to use the example where we were
using a police officer and somebody
657
:who's about to end their life.
658
:Here's why, because
there is no difference.
659
:At the core, we are both human, we bleed
red, and we have a heart that beats.
660
:Elaine Lindsay: And at some point,
That person who wants to take their
661
:life could in fact be a police officer,
662
:Rebekah Hope: and vice versa.
663
:There's that's why there's and the
second that we have the perception
664
:that anybody has the perception
that there is a difference.
665
:Between those two people, that is adding
to the problem, not the solution, because
666
:then we live on a false perception
that we're not both human, who bleed
667
:red, and beat the same heartbeat.
668
:Like that's just
669
:Elaine Lindsay: And part of that is where
we are right now, and this is why I keep
670
:talking about normalizing conversation.
671
:Because Even in the stats we have, which
this year are particularly horrific.
672
:We have passed the 1 million
mark in suicides this year.
673
:Our initial approximation
for this year was 800, 000.
674
:We are almost a quarter more.
675
:Okay, so 25 percent more in
this year, which is horrific.
676
:All of that to say.
677
:Those stats aren't
678
:because we have children, and the
fact is children as young as eight.
679
:But, quite often, the coroner,
the parents, the family, they
680
:don't want it recorded as such.
681
:And they don't tell the
authorities that's what happened.
682
:Also, that happens in
older people as well.
683
:And what about all of those that don't
have a lot of people around them?
684
:We don't know, so we don't even
have the appropriate stats.
685
:The reason for that is because
we don't talk about it.
686
:And talking about it, getting rid of
that stigma, the silence, and the shame,
687
:That is my mission, to help everyone
who's in the suicide prevention game.
688
:Because we do want to get suicide to zero.
689
:Because every single human.
690
:Rebekah Hope: Yep, and if I didn't
believe that was possible, I would
691
:have never made that my mission.
692
:My number one mission, bring the suicide
rate to zero, one life at a time.
693
:And that is why I, also, my motto, what
I live by is always choose love, because
694
:yes, it is the ultimate sacrifice, but
it's because there truly is hope for all.
695
:There really truly is hope for all,
and if we start with always choosing
696
:love in whatever we do, there's not
going to be any room for hate and
697
:stigma and all those things that
are really just absence of love.
698
:Very much
699
:Elaine Lindsay: rebekah, this has
been a truly wonderful conversation.
700
:With you because it is all about hope
it with you is all about love, which
701
:I think is wonderful and the hope that
we can take away from this conversation
702
:just to change one life means the world
703
:we will have all of the information
for you to be able to get a hold
704
:of Rebekah I cannot thank you
enough for joining me today.
705
:I look forward to hopefully having
another conversation with you
706
:because I don't think we're done.
707
:Rebekah Hope: Yeah, it
doesn't feel like we're done.
708
:So I'm very much looking forward to that.
709
:And I just want to say
thank you for having me on.
710
:I greatly appreciate it.
711
:And yeah, I look forward
to paying it forward.
712
:Elaine Lindsay: That makes two of us.
713
:So as I said, you'll be able to find
all you need about Rebekah down below.
714
:And on that note, I'll say to each
and every one of you, make the
715
:very best of your today, every day.
716
:And I look forward to
seeing you next time.
717
:Thank you, Rebekah.
718
:Thank you.
719
:Bye for now.
720
:Voiceover: Thank you for being
here for another inspiring episode
721
:of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.
722
:We appreciate you tuning in.
723
:Please subscribe and download on your
favorite service and check out SZF's
724
:YouTube channel or Facebook community.
725
:If you have the chance to leave
a five star rating or review,
726
:it'd be greatly appreciated.
727
:Please refer this to a friend you
know who may benefit from the hope
728
:and inspiration from our guests.
729
:Suicide Zen Forgiveness was brought
to you by the following sponsors.
730
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731
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732
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733
:Motivational speaker, comedian, author,
and stand up coach at Second City.
734
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a decade in the City Street
735
:Outreach Program in Toronto.
736
:Elaine Lindsay: The
Ultimate Podcasting Pack.
737
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738
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739
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740
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741
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742
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743
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744
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745
:Voiceover: Do you have a story to share?
746
:Do you know someone you
think would be a great guest?
747
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748
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listeners, that's SZF42.
749
:com.
750
:Thank you for listening and
we hope to see you again.