Shownotes
In this powerful episode of The You World Order Showcase podcast, host Jill Hart sits down with Paige Chavez, an inspiring coach who helps women overcome people-pleasing tendencies. Paige shares her personal journey, revealing how she broke free from a life of seeking external validation to embrace authentic living. Her story, filled with deep insights, provides a roadmap for anyone struggling to set boundaries or reclaim their sense of self.
The People-Pleaser's Trap
Paige opens up about her own experience of being trapped in people-pleasing for years. As a child, she was lively and full of energy, but during her teenage years, she lost herself, becoming distant and numb. She felt like she was merely observing her life rather than living it. Paige describes how cognitive dissonance—when your beliefs and values don't align with your actions—took over, creating a cycle of misery and regret.
She stayed in an unhealthy relationship for two years, unable to say no or set boundaries. The defining moment came when a roommate suggested she end the relationship, and although she didn't yet have the strength to make decisions for herself, that moment set her on a path toward change.
A Turning Point
Paige’s true awakening came when she read an article by George Hartwell that described how people-pleasers sacrifice their identities to keep others happy. This realization hit her hard. For years, she had questioned her mental health, wondering if she had depression or a personality disorder because she felt disconnected from her true self. Recognizing that she had been sacrificing her identity for the sake of others was a pivotal moment that launched her journey toward healing.
Motivated by her pain, Paige began developing systems to push herself out of her comfort zone and reclaim her life. She eventually became a certified life coach and earned a degree in interpersonal and family communication, dedicating herself to helping others overcome people-pleasing just as she had.
The Healing Process
Paige emphasizes that overcoming people-pleasing is like breaking free from an addiction. It runs deep and affects every aspect of life, but the first step is seeing things as they truly are. Many people brush off their people-pleasing tendencies, thinking it's just being "too nice," but Paige warns of the long-term dangers of living this way. She encourages listeners to examine how these habits could affect them five or ten years down the road.
A key part of Paige’s healing process involves helping people anchor themselves in their values and strengths. She likens her past self to a leaf blowing in the wind, constantly swayed by others’ needs and opinions. By learning to ground herself, she was able to set lasting boundaries and take control of her life.
Boundaries: The Cornerstone of Self-Care
Setting boundaries is a central theme in Paige's work. She explains that people often try to set boundaries first without doing the necessary inner work, which leads to frustration and disappointment. For boundaries to be effective, they must be built on a foundation of self-awareness and self-worth. Only after addressing the internal causes of people-pleasing can someone confidently establish and maintain healthy boundaries.
Paige also reflects on the importance of teaching boundaries to children, sharing how she’s already working with her young daughter to help her understand when and how to say no. By modeling healthy boundaries, Paige hopes to empower her daughters to live authentically and avoid the same struggles she faced.
Self-Love and Nourishment
Paige introduces her concept of self-nourishment, a deeper approach to self-care that goes beyond surface-level activities like eating chocolate. True self-nourishment means taking care of all aspects of yourself—body, mind, soul, and heart. Paige uses the metaphor of a tree to explain this process: just like a tree needs nourishment to grow and bear fruit, so do we. When we take the time to nourish ourselves, we can give to others from a place of abundance rather than depletion.
She emphasizes the importance of being patient with yourself and understanding that life has seasons, much like a tree. There are times for growth, times for rest, and times for renewal. By embracing these seasons, we can live more authentically and avoid the burnout that comes from constantly trying to please others.
Embrace Your True Self
As the conversation draws to a close, Paige leaves listeners with a powerful message: it's okay to be yourself. There is only one of you in the world, and people are missing out if they don't get to experience the real you. By taking the time to care for yourself and set healthy boundaries, you can live a more authentic and fulfilling life, free from the constraints of people-pleasing.
Paige invites listeners to join her growing Facebook community and offers a free resource: "53 Phrases to Say No in Any Situation," designed to help people-pleasers find the right words to set boundaries with confidence and respect.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone who struggles with people-pleasing or feels trapped by the expectations of others. Paige’s wisdom and personal story provide hope and actionable steps for breaking free and living authentically.
free guide: 53 phrases to Say No in Any Situation for People-Pleasers
https://pages.paigechavezcoaching.net/free-guide-1
If you want to connect with Paige Chavez or learn more about her work, you can join her Facebook group or sign up for one of her free 3-day challenges designed to help you overcome people-pleasing from the inside out.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1695820784254692
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp
Transcripts
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Hi and welcome to the You world order showcase. Podcast I'm your host, Jill Hart. And with us today is Paige, chavez paige helps women overcome people. Pleasing tendencies. Welcome to the show, Paige. I'm really glad to have you here.
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::Paige Chavez: Thank you so much. It is such a pleasure to be here. It's such a blessing! I really appreciate it.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So how did you get started in this
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: endeavor?
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, it's a it's a story. So I was trapped in people pleasing tendencies for a very long time. But it took me a while to recognize it for what it was.
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::Paige Chavez: I grew up as a really spunky, happy kid, but during those rough teenage years
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::Paige Chavez: I really lost myself. I started getting distant. You know. I didn't know who I was. I felt really numb.
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::Paige Chavez: and
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::Paige Chavez: I really started to feel like I was observing my life rather than living it.
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::Paige Chavez: I don't know if any of you listening have ever felt that way. But it it was really painful for me, you know. I felt very trapped, and like the person I was inside
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::Paige Chavez: was not how I was acting.
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::Paige Chavez: And there's a psychology term. I don't know if you've heard of it called cognitive dissonance.
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::Paige Chavez: And that's when what you believe and what you value doesn't line up with your actions.
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::Paige Chavez: And I felt that so deeply for so long, and it was truly miserable. I absolutely hated it, and if you get to know me you'll hear me say often that one of the things I hate the most is regret.
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::Paige Chavez: I absolutely despise regret, and probably because I felt it for so long.
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::Paige Chavez: But that was me. When I went off to college. I dated the 1st guy that asked me out for 2 years, and it was an unhealthy relationship, but I didn't know how to say no. I
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::Paige Chavez: struggled with setting boundaries. You know all those things, but it's interesting because I had this image in my mind of what a people pleaser was, and for some reason in my mind, a people pleaser was outgoing, and someone that took cookies to the neighbors all the time and did all those things. And that wasn't me, you know. I was so shy that I think I didn't recognize these tendencies in myself
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::Paige Chavez: until I got in these intimate relationships and struggled so much with insecurity and boundaries, so
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::Paige Chavez: that that was my struggle until I finally I broke up with that person when someone told me to. You know, I really didn't make any decisions on my own. But I had a roommate say, Oh, you should in this relationship. So I did. And eventually I met my now, husband, he's a wonderful man, and he pushed me to start standing up for myself.
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::Paige Chavez: and that's when things started to change for me.
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::Paige Chavez: But even even then, after I got married, I noticed the same patterns returning and returning of insecurity. And
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::Paige Chavez: just this cycle that I couldn't seem to get out of, and one day
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::Paige Chavez: I was reading an article online
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::Paige Chavez: by George Hartwell, I have to give him credit because it was so inspiring.
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::Paige Chavez: But the article said that a people pleaser will sacrifice their very identity to keep people happy.
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::Paige Chavez: and in that moment it was like a symphony of light. Bulbs went off in my mind, and I was like, Oh, my gosh! You know I had begun to wonder what was wrong with me. Truly, you know, if I had all these disorders, personality disorders even because I was like, I can't connect to people. I can't be myself. Is it depression? You know. I couldn't figure it out.
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::Paige Chavez: But when I read that it really it really made sense, and I had kind of a moment of grieving because I didn't realize that all those years
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::Paige Chavez: that's what I was sacrificing was my identity and myself.
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::Paige Chavez: But that's
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::Paige Chavez: that's where it all started, and from there I don't know how much of that story you want, but from there I got really determined to change. I kind of let my pain motivate me.
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::Paige Chavez: and started creating systems in my life to check myself. And, you know, push myself out of my comfort zone. And then from there I got certified as a life coach, and I now have a degree in interpersonal and family communication
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::Paige Chavez: where I teach people now through a program how to overcome people policing.
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::Paige Chavez: And it's such a blessing to be out of that cycle now, and to feel finally, finally, whole and complete and happy with who I am.
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::Paige Chavez: And as a mom, I have 4 young kids. And it's it's interesting that I feel this way during this phase of my life, because oftentimes I see the other, the opposite happen, you know.
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::Paige Chavez: and where women get so stuck in the day to day of motherhood, and those things where they kind of lose themselves there. But it's a blessing to be able to rediscover and connect to myself during this phase of life, and I really am finding such joy in helping other people do the same.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Think this is amazing for you. You have
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: 4 daughters.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, 4, girls, yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So it's going to help them so much growing up with a mom who who has a handle on how to
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: to be present people pleasing is, I think, more a case of
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: not really being present with who you are.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and worrying about what other people
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: are going to think when you're around them, and you're trying to like.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: blend in everywhere. And you really, as Dr. Sue says, you're not born to blend in. You're born to stand out. Yes.
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::Paige Chavez: Yes, I couldn't love that more. I agree. You know, as much as I love my mother.
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::Paige Chavez: She was a big people pleaser when I was growing up, and she had a real hard time doing anything for herself, and
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::Paige Chavez: oftentimes the feeling growing up was that there were people there, but not there, you know. And and I think
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::Paige Chavez: I hope that was actually one thing that inspired me. Starting my own business was thinking about my children, and how I think
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::Paige Chavez: when they see a mother that is happy that does so much for them. So yeah, thank you. I hope that a little bit of that will rub off and teach them how to be empowered themselves.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: They can't help, but to I it just becomes who you are, and
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and to model that kind of behavior in front of your daughters where
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you're not an overbearing person, I think sometimes people pleasers
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: are are looking at people who have
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: like really big personalities
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and thinking. Oh.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: those people have it all together, and I don't want to, or or maybe they're looking at those people and thinking, Oh, God, I don't ever want to be like that
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: which is kind of more the picture, probably. But those people are probably people pleasers, too. They're just a different flavor of it, because people pleasing comes in a lot of different packages.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And it all stems from insecurity. Some people need to be really louder than life in order to feel
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: like they have control of the situation. And they do people pleasing tendencies to kind of
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: actually control the environment.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: whereas other people are like doing people pleasing tendencies to blend into the background. So they're not noticed or called on. Yeah. So.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, it's very. It's interesting that you say that I think you're very observant.
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::Paige Chavez: There are a lot of different types of people pleasers, but there are those root fears and root
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::Paige Chavez: beliefs that they all have in common.
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::Paige Chavez: and it usually goes all the way back to childhood.
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::Paige Chavez: When at some point. You know, a people pleaser learned that they aren't good enough, really. You know, they learned that they aren't enough as is, and they have to earn love and approval.
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::Paige Chavez: and children are so adapt, you know they try and adapt to their situation, and love is a human need, you know. So it's natural for a child to try different things and see what will get them that love and approval they're looking for.
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::Paige Chavez: and no matter how it shows up for you, you know, if you, if you feel like you need the approval of people around you to feel good about yourself.
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::Paige Chavez: I think you're a people pleaser, you know, and it's something that we that you can get over. But I think, recognizing those tendencies is the 1st step to change.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It doesn't mean that you have to turn into this really mean person who never does anything for anyone else. It's just a different way of
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: approaching situations and not
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: not getting put in situations where you're having to take on more than
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you really want to.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And you get to choose as a human being what you want to do and don't want to do.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: But I think we're raised so often with the no. You're just going to do what I tell you to do, because I told you to do it.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You know what kind of life is that.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah.
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::Paige Chavez: yeah, exactly. And so many women that I talk to have this idea that you're talking about of.
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::Paige Chavez: they feel so guilty for anything they do, because they believe that it's selfish.
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::Paige Chavez: and it takes time to change your mindset when it comes to that.
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::Paige Chavez: But I like
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::Paige Chavez: I like what you're saying about how
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::Paige Chavez: you don't have to turn into this rude or selfish person, or even all out there person, you know you just turn into you.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah.
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::Paige Chavez: There's
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::Paige Chavez: a quote I kind of came up with when I was pondering this one time, you know, I was thinking, Well, what's the opposite of people pleasing. You know the flat out opposite, up, down, black, white. What's the opposite? And
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::Paige Chavez: it's not selfishness, you know. A lot of people think that it would be. People think that the opposite of people pleasing would be self-pleasing.
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::Paige Chavez: But really, what I've discovered through my studies and my experience is that the opposite of people pleasing isn't selfishness, it's authentic, living and loving
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::Paige Chavez: so as strange as it sounds. That is true, the more that I have overcome it, the more I feel
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::Paige Chavez: just like me, and the ability to still be kind. But out of the goodness of my heart rather than fear, and rather than desperation for the approval of people around me.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And it's
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it's more of a self-love. When you get to the point where you can love that little child that was wounded, and you can give that
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: child.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Who is you?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: But we're still working on, you know, programming from when we're 5 and 6 years old. It doesn't service anymore. When we're really old, but we hang on to it because it's all we know, and we haven't learned how to
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: a. Not do it to other people. But B, you can.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You can change the programming. You can help yourself to realize and self-regulate into that. You are enough.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Just as you are. You were created perfectly.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and you are perfect. You might not be everyone's cup of tea. It's okay. There's billions of people on this planet.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You're not going to know everybody.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's not even a thing
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you're connected to them all. But you're not going to know them all. So just, you know, work on
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: on feeling who you're attracted to
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and and use those people. And sometimes people will move in and out of your life. And that's okay, too.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You don't have to stay with that same group
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: your whole life.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: the beauty of living in the age we live in.
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::Paige Chavez: Definitely.
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::Paige Chavez: yeah. I teach my clients how to do exactly what you're you're describing that self love.
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::Paige Chavez: You know. It's a term that's thrown around a lot.
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::Paige Chavez: self-love and self-care. But do we really understand how
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::Paige Chavez: to nourish ourselves? You know I often call it self nourishment.
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::Paige Chavez: So instead of just, you know, going and eating chocolate, or whatever it is, you know not that that's bad, but to really hone in on.
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::Paige Chavez: how to take care of yourself in the ways that matter to you.
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::Paige Chavez: Oh.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So do you do this one on one, or do you do it in groups?
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, right now, I have a group coaching program. So I have a 12 week program.
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::Paige Chavez: And I walk people through 3 basic steps. 1st I help them to see things as they really are.
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::Paige Chavez: I think I actually relate people pleasing to an addiction.
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::Paige Chavez: because I I think it is the same. I think it runs just as deep and
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::Paige Chavez: it has.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, deep, deep habits. But the 1st thing that I believe is so so important is to see things as they are. First, st the problem.
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::Paige Chavez: you know. I see so many people brush it off
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::Paige Chavez: as, oh.
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::Paige Chavez: people pleasing. It's just being a little too nice. Or what's the problem with this? Or you know they think it's not a big deal, or it only affects them.
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::Paige Chavez: But really, seeing the dangers and consequences of people pleasing. You know what's going to happen 5, 10 years down the line. If you keep living this way
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::Paige Chavez: and also seeing themselves clearly like you said, you know, seeing yourself as whole and complete, and seeing your strengths and weaknesses, because we all have both
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::Paige Chavez: people. Pleasers tend to put on a mask, you know, and try and pretend to be someone.
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::Paige Chavez: So I help to to remove that mask and to see yourself and the problem as you are.
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::Paige Chavez: and then we get into anchoring
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::Paige Chavez: ourselves
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::Paige Chavez: people pleasers, you know, when I was a people pleaser I felt like a leaf blowing in the wind. I felt like I didn't have control over anything. It's a mindset, you know, but it's just feeling like you're swaying back and forth and back and forth.
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::Paige Chavez: And I teach people how to really anchor themselves, you know, to to those unchanging things, and to the strength that we have inside of ourselves.
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::Paige Chavez: And then come the boundaries, you know. Oftentimes people try and lead with setting boundaries.
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::Paige Chavez: and I don't believe that that's effective. Anytime. I've seen someone try and do that. It's just a recipe for disappointment. So if we can do that, that inner work to heal from the inside out, those boundaries can be more lasting, and we can stick to those.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah, the boundaries are are a funny thing. I think we used to call them manners when I was growing up. But then Manners kind of went out the window when
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: the women's lib thing happened, because nobody knew what they were supposed to be doing, and so no one had any boundaries or any manners, for that matter. And so nobody knew. Manners are just a way to interact with other people
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: in a way that's socially acceptable. So the other person knows what to expect.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And when now we talk about setting boundaries
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and honoring other people's boundaries.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: which is the other side of that that we don't talk about very often. But we
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: when we have boundaries, we are telling people. This is who we are, and these are our core values, and these are the things that I will
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: that make me happy and make my life run smoothly, and it'll make your life and interaction with me go well, too.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: if you respect these, and it's not like you have to have this list that you show people when you show up. It's just who you are, it becomes who you are.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I don't hang around people that lie.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Liars drive me crazy. And people that talk about things they're never going to do they also drive me crazy? I don't hang around those kinds of people because
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: those people are on my my far boundaries.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: When I run into them I go a different direction. I often won't even interact with them. Once I've identified that.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: That's those are the boundaries that they have. It's like, well, you know
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: they're not compatible. And it's okay. It's the whole. It's okay to feel that way about.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: You know, certain groups of people.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And it's okay for those people to be that way, too. There's nothing there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's something that
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I don't personally want to be part of
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: God.
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::Paige Chavez: Definitely. Yeah, it's healthy to have that. And when you realize how much is in your control, it's really empowering. You know, boundaries, although they do often have to do with other people. They also don't. You know it's about you and what you want for your life, or you know the people that you care for like children, you know you can set boundaries to protect the people you love.
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::Paige Chavez: but but it's all in your control. It's all your choice, and I like I love how you phrase that.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And with kids it's really important to teach them boundaries. Teach them your boundaries, but also teach them
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: their boundaries and respect their boundaries.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Teach them how to
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: live a life where their boundaries are being respected, and
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it will pay big dividends.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Push me on that one.
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::Paige Chavez: Definitely. Yeah, my.
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::Paige Chavez: I have to be a little careful. But my 14 month old is already. I'm teaching her how to say no. You know there's also listening to your parents and respect, but but she knows when she can say no to things. If someone's bothering her, you know. She says, No, yeah, it's definitely so important.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I learned something from, and I can show you 2 sides of this. I have my very old father, who was of the age where your kids hugged
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: grandparents, no matter what they didn't have any say over who was touching them, which
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: my opinion. And then, my my kids, I have one set of kids that.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And this was really new to me. I'll be honest, she was.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and we didn't see these kids very often.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: She was very
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: strongly of the opinion that
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: they could decide if they were going to hug you or not.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and it's helped me so much in approaching my other grandchildren in that, you know. I give them the option. Do you want to hug me?
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's not a
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: foregone conclusion that they're going to hug me or kiss me, or, you know.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: even interact with me. But they have the choice.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: They do hug me.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: But it's not because their mom told them they had to hug me
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: different different ways that kids are being allowed to exercise boundaries and allowed to express themselves and be themselves and be valued for who they are.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it's gonna
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: reap huge rewards in the distant future when they grow up. And they're raising kids the same way.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Right now we're we're getting through the
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: this huge swath of people that were raised to just do what you're told to do, and you're not allowed to have an opinion, and you're not allowed to say no to people.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah.
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::Paige Chavez: yeah, there's there's pain there, you know, in those generations that had to to go through that I see that.
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::Paige Chavez: And there's such value. I remember being told one time that even a newborn, even an infant
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::Paige Chavez: well, if you like, push down on their chest or hold their arms down, you know, they'll fight back. We need that
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::Paige Chavez: autonomy, and we need the choice.
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::Paige Chavez: And none of us. You know us listening even as adults. Nobody wants to be forced to do something that goes against what you feel inside.
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::Paige Chavez: It's just the worst, you know. So I think definitely, it's so important to teach children that they what they feel and what they want matters.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And how to feel and how to deal with those emotions that you're
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you're coming up with.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it just
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: God.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And and knowing as adults. It's okay. We've we've suppressed those feelings for so long. It becomes like it feels sort of normal to us. You're talking about cognitive dissonance. Well, there's the cognitive dissonance of.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I know that there's probably something better, but I've lived with this for so long that I really don't. I don't
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: know if I believe
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: that there could be a better way.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, definitely.
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::Paige Chavez: I think.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, I felt so numb honestly for so long in my life that I couldn't cry for years. And that's a process learning to reconnect to your emotions, and it can be so vulnerable. But really, when you shut down your emotions, you're shutting down both sides, not just the negative emotions. You know you're shutting down all that joy and happiness you could feel.
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::Paige Chavez: So if if we take that time to reconnect to our emotions. It has such
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::Paige Chavez: such amazing things that can come from that. And you know it kind of
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::Paige Chavez: leads me into. I teach people about self-care in relation to a tree. Actually. And I think this relates
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::Paige Chavez: because
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::Paige Chavez: we we often forget how important it is to take care of all aspects of ourselves.
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::Paige Chavez: But when I teach about self-care, I go into how we have different routes.
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::Paige Chavez: that being our body, our mind, our I call it soul and our
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::Paige Chavez: heart.
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::Paige Chavez: and we have different aspects of ourselves that we need to nourish.
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::Paige Chavez: you know, and if we nourish those parts, then we start to grow. And you know we get up through the trunk and through the branches, and eventually we produce fruit, you know, just like a tree, and I believe that if we nourish ourselves. If we take time to, you know, connect to those emotions and take care of ourselves, then a natural consequence is that we we give, you know, even without trying to. I think that's just the order of things.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah, it it. There's a difference between giving from the abundance you know the overflowing cup
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you can't give from an empty cup. Well, you can't give from a half full or 3 quarters full cup either. You have to. You have to have an abundance in order to give
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: you have to be. It won't spill over until it's really full.
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::Paige Chavez: Definitely, yeah, that's.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Where the giving is joyful, and it's like here. Celebrate with me and I you know it
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: in the giving.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It could be from love it could be from all of your root things that you're talking about, because we give from the abundance of our heart we give for the abundance of our
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: our assets, our physical assets we give from the abundance of the intellect that we've. We've collected over the years. We have lots of different ways of giving. And
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and each of those
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: aspects needs to be full in order for us to be a complete
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: to complete our ability to just give generously in all aspects of our lives.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, definitely. And it's it's hard for some people to take the time
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::Paige Chavez: to take care of themselves, you know, but it's easier with physical things to understand. You know, if a tree was dying and didn't have water, it can't give, it's just not possible. And when we try and try and try. That's when we get so burnt out. And we can have health problems and so many things come up.
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::Paige Chavez: But
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::Paige Chavez: if you can just be patient with yourself and the seasons of life.
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::Paige Chavez: It's okay to take a whole, you know, a whole season, a period of time to take care of yourself.
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::Paige Chavez: and the rewards are just amazing, you know, when you can give after that, and you're fully nourished.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I love that. You talk about trees. I love trees to begin with.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and I know a lot about them.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and they they work in seasons
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: a tree does not produce fruit. In the winter a tree
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: is resting in the winter.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: In the spring it gets ready to have this big push of life
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: leaves. It's doing all the stuff.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: flowers, flowers, if it makes it through all the wind.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: the spring, and the rain, and the hail
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and the bees are friendly.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: then you might have fruit.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Sometimes you can have like so much fruit, the tree will break.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: the branch will break.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: We had an abundant year this year. Our trees just like
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: it, was incredible. We
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: like
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: pounds and pounds of fruit off of our trees.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It was so amazing. But
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and then in the fall all the fruits gone.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: and it's
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: wrapping up to get ready to
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: go into the winter.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And so, it
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: being a parent's the same sort of way, you start out with a couple, and then you have children and more children, and you're very fruitful, and you spend a lot of your life is organized around your kids, and then they'll grow up and they'll start to like
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: launch out of the nest, and then you'll have a part of your life. That's
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: this is a different season.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's just like, and they're all such interesting parts.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, I love it, you know, when I was a child I used to see the trees in the winter with no leaves, and I
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::Paige Chavez: I thought it was hilarious, and I would say, Oh, they're naked trees, and I would think it was so funny, you know. But I think.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Got bark.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, but we we look at ourselves in a different way. But we really shouldn't. You know those seasons of life? It's just life, you know, and living authentically includes
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::Paige Chavez: being okay with those seasons that we all go through and the emotions we all go through. We all experience grief and sadness and
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::Paige Chavez: and all those things. And that's not something we're trying to get rid of, you know, living authentically means being okay and showing those things to people.
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::Paige Chavez: And yeah, just like a tree has its seasons, you know. If a tree were to lose its leaves or its fruit, and just think, oh, I'm worthless.
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::Paige Chavez: I'm not worth anything now and cut itself down. You know. How much
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::Paige Chavez: would we lose out on so just being patient with our.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: The next year.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, it's it's coming, you know. Just be patient with yourself and nourish yourself. And that fruit. You know your talents and your things will come to, and it's time.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I love that. So
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: how can people get in touch with you?
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, I have a growing Facebook group that I'm really passionate about. So they can join my Facebook group. I'm sure we'll we'll share that link.
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::Paige Chavez: There's also through email, we'll post that post that as well. But I also have free 3 day challenges that I run to help people overcome people pleasing from the inside out, and I'd love to have you join there as well.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And you'll give me the link
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: to set that up, too. Okay.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, I will give you that link.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: And you do offer a
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: a gift to people.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: I love this
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: 53 phrases, to say no in any situation for people, pleasers.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, it's tough sometimes, just to find the words, you know. So.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So.
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::Paige Chavez: I want to make it easier. So what I did is I separated out by situation, you know, at work, or if you feel your values are being compromised. Or Xyz. You know I have specific things you can say to say no, you know, in a respectful way, but to say no, and I believe that it can really help.
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::Paige Chavez: So I wanted to just give that as a gift.
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::Paige Chavez: and I hope that it can help you. And when you're navigating those difficult situations.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Yeah, I love that. And there's so many I know that no means no, but sometimes you can't just say no without
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: getting yourself kind of crosswise, especially with people that don't have boundaries or understand boundaries themselves. Those are the people that are most
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: are the most difficult to deal with. They don't even see they have this problem.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, you know, one of my favorite. There are some some favorite lines I have in that guide. One of them is that I don't have the bandwidth right now, you know simple things like that. When people do want a reason, or you want to give a reason, it's okay to just say that you can't. For whatever reason you know you're
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::Paige Chavez: you're booked. You have low bandwidth right now you're taking time for yourself, so you can't do this, you know, that's all the reason that we need to give in any situation. You know, there's various situations where other things come up. But I really like that one, because you can use it whenever you need to.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: It's a myriad of places. I like that, too.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: So this has been an amazing conversation. Paige, I really appreciate you coming and joining me today. What's the one thing you hope the audience takes away from our conversation.
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::Paige Chavez: Well that it's okay to be yourself. You know there's only one of you in the world, and people are missing out on a lot if they don't get to know you, you know, and
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::Paige Chavez: taking the time to really take care of yourself
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::Paige Chavez: is what will give you the ability to give
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::Paige Chavez: later. Down the road.
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::Jill Hart-The Coach's Alchemist & Host of the You World Order Showcase Podcast: Sure. Thank you so much for joining me.
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::Paige Chavez: Yeah, thank you so much.
