Hi everyone!  Welcome to the A to Z of Sex.  I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time.  Today’s letter is J and Jilling (and Jacking) Off. 

Jacking off and jilling off are both terms used for masturbation.  I was over 40 before I heard the term ‘jilling off’ and found it amusing that there was a separate word for masturbation for women and for men.   Masturbation is not only normal, but almost everyone masturbates.  Most people masturbate whether they are single or in relationships.  Masturbation has health benefits that include stress reduction, a reduction in prostate cancer for men, relief from menstrual cramps for women to name a few. Masturbation also increases muscle tone in the pelvic and anal areas.

Historically, masturbation has been depicted in art since prehistoric times.  Masturbation was previously seen as immoral.  Most of the emphasis on immorality came about from the biblical prohibition against spilling one’s seed on the ground.  This was in contrast to being fruitful and multiplying.    In the late 20th and 21st centuries, masturbation has been destigmatised.  Masturbation is no longer seen as damaging or a problem unless it gets in the way of sex with a partner or interferes with work and other activities.  If you are masturbating for hours every day and not doing anything else, it is a problem.  Otherwise, it is healthy and should be a lot of fun.

Jacking off is not only fun but it can help a guy find out what turns him on most.  It can also help him learn to control his orgasms so he can last longer during sex with a partner.  Jilling off can help a woman figure out what turns her on the most and also help her figure out how to reach orgasm – what kind of stimulation works best for her – direct clitoral stimulation, indirect stimulation, penetration, no penetration. 

Sometimes men worry that they can damage their penises by jacking off too much.  A penis doesn’t ‘break’ unless very violently twisted when erect and it is the tubes that fill with blood during erection that rupture.  Damage when partner is on top is the most common but this is still very rare.  There are no reported cases I could find of breaking a penis through jacking off.  The most damage done during jacking off is usually some swelling and soreness from being too rough on the penis, using no lubrication and/or jacking off to often or too long.

Women worry about damaging themselves jilling off.  The most common injury during jilling off is soreness of the clitoris caused by not enough lubrication, roughness or use of a toy without enough lubrication.

There are over 500 names/terms for masturbation.  The term masturbation isn’t very exciting.  Perhaps that’s why so many euphemisms have been created.    This video from refinery 29 highlights a bunch of creative terms women use, including jilling off. Masturbation is such a clinical term.   A couple of the other terms that stood out: buttering my muffin, petting the kitty. Rubbing it out is the gender neutral term that is preferred.  Still most of the 500 names are male centric.

50 – 60% of women use sex toys for masturbation.  I remember when I first became aware of sex toys the only vibrator that was regularly available was a hard plastic one.  It was ugly and really rough.  It put me off sex toys for many years.  Now there are an amazingly wide number sex toys that are great for masturbation.  Vibrators are made in body friendly silicone.  There are ones (often called rabbits) that stimulate the clitoris and penetrate the vagina.  There are rabbit vibrators that thrust and ones that heat up to body temperature.  There is the Hitachi magic wand that is still one of the most popular vibrators available.  It is very powerful.   There are clitoral vibrators and the new clitoral stimulators (like the poorly named womaniser) which use sonic waves or suction or air currents to bring a woman to orgasm. 

Masturbation does not take long.  The average man lasts three minutes and 45 seconds when masturbating.  There is less consensus on how long the average woman takes to reach orgasm when masturbating.  Figures range from 20 seconds (yes, I said 20 SECONDS) to 20 minutes.    Masturbation to orgasm is a better sleep aid than any sleeping pills.

Masturbation is good for your sex life. People try out fantasies during masturbation prior to deciding if they would like to try them out with their partners in ‘real life’.   This can be a great way to test out how hot ideas and activities make you.  However, there are a lot of things that we fantasise about for masturbation that in life we would not find exciting or even enjoyable.   No reason not to use the material for fantasy though!

Masturbation can be more than just a quick affair.  There are a bunch of techniques you can use to spice it up – and build your orgasmic skills.  For example, edging is when you bring yourself to the brink repeatedly before you finally let yourself come.  Orgasm should then be explosive.    You can see how many times you can make yourself come in a short period of time.  Use both hands instead of one or perhaps use no hands at all. 

Women can work on the ‘u spot’ which is right above the urethra and beneath the clitoris.   Rubbing this area alone is great but you can also rub from the u spot up onto the clitoris and back down.   Depending upon your own personal anatomy, you can rub under the hood of the clitoris.  If you are supersensitive, this probably won’t be much fun.  But otherwise, it can really excite.    Squeezing the labia is another great technique.  Many women begin masturbating by lying on their stomachs and rubbing against bedding, stuffed toys, pillows.  Some women use anal and breast stimulation to add to their masturbation.

For men, anal stimulation during masturbation can make things more exciting.  Nipple stimulation also works well to add to your pleasure. 

People masturbate throughout their lifespans.  Children begin to touch themselves as babies and toddlers because it feels good.  They touch themselves for comfort as well as for pleasure.  Orgasm does not become the goal until they are older.   People continue to masturbate, regardless of relationship status throughout adulthood.     Most people in relationships continue to masturbate.  Sometimes they incorporate this into sex with their partners.  Often, however, they simply continue to masturbate as they always have done. 

Mutual masturbation is a great way to learn each other’s bodies, turn ons and find out all the ways to bring each other pleasure.   Often people don’t consider mutual masturbation when looking at the menu of sexual choices they have.  Many only think of mutual masturbation when they are avoiding penetrative sex for some reason.  Mutual masturbation can be masturbating with each other without touching each other at all.  This can raise the intensity of the orgasm.  Or it can mean touching each other and exploring but no penetration allowed.  However you choose to add this to your sexual life, take time and explore.

Both men and women use pornography as an aid to quick masturbation.  More men use pornography but this has always been the case.  However, now women are using pornography more often as an aid to masturbation.

Masturbation during sex is one of the easiest ways to make sure a woman reaches orgasm.  Women who masturbate regularly know exactly what they need to be able to reach that peak.  It can be difficult to get the same type of stimulation during sex with a partner.  Only 28% of women reach orgasm routinely during intercourse without any additional stimulation.  If a woman stimulates her clitoris during intercourse, the rate of orgasm is much higher.

Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex.

Write in with your questions to drloribeth@atozofsex.com and visit both websites https://atozofsex.com and https://the-intimacy-coach.com 

For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.

If you enjoyed the podcast, please leave me a review on apple podcast, stitcher or where ever else you listen.

Sign up for regular news from me by filling in the contact form on either website, or sending me an email.

Join me next week when the letter will be K.