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In this solo episode of the "I Come First" podcast, host Amie Barsky delves into the transformative practice of Internal Family Systems (IFS), also known as parts work. Amie shares her personal journey and beliefs on how understanding and harmonizing the different parts of oneself can lead to greater self-awareness, acceptance, and compassion.

Through practical tools, inspiring stories, and expert advice, she expresses how to achieve  freedom from limiting beliefs and societal pressures. This episode offers a deep dive into how IFS can help you make conscious decisions, improve relationships, and lead a more vibrant, fulfilling life.

What We Explored This Episode

01:52 Core Themes: Internal Family Systems (IFS)

02:32 Family Influence On Personal Development

04:07 Unveiling Unconscious Blocks

05:38 Understanding Your True Core Self

06:36 The Common Parts of You

10:15 Deep Compassion for One's Parts

Memorable Quotes

"When you have a loving relationship with your parts, they do their jobs when it's appropriate, and then they step back when they're not needed. This balance allows you to make decisions from a conscious, centered state of awareness, leading to a more harmonious and fulfilling life."

"Your true self is the core of you, which contains your leadership qualities, such as compassion, perspective, decision making, curiosity, and confidence. When you lead from this centered state, you can navigate life's challenges with greater ease and clarity."

"All parts are good. They're actually trying to help you in one way or another. Even when their actions seem counterproductive, they are attempting to protect you from harm or discomfort, and understanding this can lead to profound personal growth."

Connect With Amie

Website: https://amiebarsky.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amie-barsky/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amiebarskycoaching/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@AmieBarsky?sub_confirmation=1

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https://www.amiebarsky.com/free-breathwork

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And so when I created this relationship with myself and my parts, I was less reactionary in my life. And you get to have that access as well. And when you have that access, you come to a space of awareness and acceptance, and you have this deep level of compassion for your parts. There's so much more harmony going on internally and externally.

Hello. Hello, and welcome to the I come first podcast, where putting yourself first is not selfish, it's self care. And self care is essential. Yes, you heard me right. Here we are flipping the script, and I'm going to show you how. I'm your host, Amy Barsky, and I'm so excited you're here. If you're tired of feeling overworked and underappreciated, this is a sanctuary where I'll share my entire journey as a guide to help you break through your patterns, limiting beliefs and societal pressures. To be perfect, these juicy weekly conversations with myself and guest experts will be filled with practical tools, advice, inspiring stories, and unstoppable energy. So if you're ready, then buckle up. It's time to ignite your inner fire and make I come first your new daily mantra. And before we jump into today's episode, here is a quick and exciting announcement.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the I come first podcast. I'm Amy Barsky, your host and friend, and I am very, very curious if you have ever wondered about the voices in your head. I know I certainly have. And so today I'm sharing a deeper understanding of your mind and how it works in relationship with your true self. We're going to look at this from the lens of something that you may or may not have heard of before. It's called ifs, and that stands for internal family systems. It's also known as parts work. Let's start with a little analogy of the external to help you get a grasp of the internal stuff that we'll talk about in a moment. Your family is your external family systems. You've got your mom, your dad, people that raised you, brothers, sisters, maybe you have aunts and uncles and cousins, second cousins, grandparents, basically your whole entire family tree. Now, would it be fair to say that these people influenced you in one way or another throughout your childhood, or possibly in your adult life? Let's start with the basics.

During your childhood, the food that they served you was the food that you ate, and perhaps the religion that they believed became the one that you followed as well. Maybe they encouraged you to play a particular sport or apply to a certain college. Basically, they have influenced you they've influenced you as well with your relationship with money, your relationship with love, your relationship with how you communicate, or maybe even your social life and your dating life. Now look at the internal family systems, aka parts work. Ifs this system pretty much does the same thing internally. These parts influence you when making decisions. However, these parts are usually coming from a place that is unconscious and a wounded place. Now, before we dive into the nitty gritty, I want you to know where this came from. IFS Parts work was founded in 1980s by a therapist and his name is Richard Schwartz. This modality, in my opinion and lots of other coaches opinions and therapists opinions is so transformative. Coaches like myself use it every single day to help break their clients free from their blocks. It's also a really powerful way to deeply get to know yourself. As Rumi says, know yourself and when you make decisions, why you make those decisions and how to come to those decisions. And when you have this information, it can unveil the unconscious blocks and why you may not be experiencing the life you say you desire. You might say something like, wow, I really want a deep, intimate relationship with my partner. Or the opposite, oh my gosh, I'm so unsatisfied and unhappy in my relationship. But there's something there. There's a part there that's preventing you from speaking up and sharing your truth with them. You might also say something like, oh my gosh, I cannot work another day at this job. It is so soul sucking. But year after year you still find yourself going to that same soul sucking job and you make up excuses of why you're still there.

Now, I could go on and on and name a bunch of other examples. However, what I really want you to know about right now is there are only two reasons that stop you from having all the things that you say you want. One, not making it a priority and taking aligned action. Two, one of your parts is taking over. Or what I like to say is driving the bus when what you really want is your true self to be driving your bus. Now you might be wondering, well, what are some of those parts, Amy? Tell me what they are that might be blocking me from the love of my life or my dream job. We'll get there in 1 second. A little science and theory first. So according to Richard Schwartz, all parts have a very specific function or role that they play inside your system. And I want you to hear this next one loud and clear. All parts are good. They are good. They're actually trying to help you in one way or another. Now, your true self is the core of you, which contains your leadership qualities, such as compassion, perspective, decision making, curiosity, confidence. So, in a nutshell, your true self is your most centered state of consciousness, and it is the best equipped to lead the systems of parts within you. And parts are actually activated neural pathways, and they are developed because they just want you to survive. They are helping to cope with what's going on to protect you from harm or discomfort.

Now, these parts can help you get things done. They can also motivate you to do your best. Your parts can also bring you pleasure and relief, and they can also distract you from painful feelings and memories and experiences. Ultimately, their job is to protect you at all costs, even though sometimes that protection is causing you suffering. Now, here are some of the common parts, and I encourage you to really listen in and notice if any of them sound familiar to you. Overanalyzer. Perfectionist. Part angry. Part controlling. Part sad. Part people pleasers. Critic or judgment. Maybe you're the good parent, good boyfriend, good girlfriend. Playful. Part victim. Part the hero or the rescuer. The rebellious part, the overachiever part the self doubt part. This is just to name a few. Now, do any of those resonate with you? I know for sure. For me, people pleaser, rebel. Perfectionist, self doubt, hero, wanting to fix everything. All of those parts ran my life for a really long time. And honestly, these parts, they get exhausted. Sometimes they get extreme irritation that they just want to take over and push your true self out of the driver's seat of your school bus. And many times, these parts can get locked into a role, and they can't seem to stop doing that particular job. And so they fight with other parts, and they create conflict. And this can lead you to feeling so frustrated, confused, and burned out.

Now, I want you to imagine for a second a school bus that is like a super duper school bus with hundreds and hundreds of seats on it. And all of your parts are sitting on the school bus, each one sitting there like good little children next to each other, row by row. And the driver of your bus is your true self. Now, remember, your true self is you in the most centered state of awareness. I don't know about you, but as a kid, I'm pretty sure I set a time or two that I wanted to be a school bus driver when I grew up anyway, okay, so these parts, they are the passengers on the bus, and they often want to drive your bus. Sometimes they are fighting for that steering wheel. They're fighting to change the radio station. They're fighting to make a right turn or a left turn, to hit the brakes really hard or to push that gas pedal. Your true self has a job, and that is to create a safe relationship with these parts so that they're not wanting to drive the bus all the time. Because when your true self leads your life, all your parts feel so safe to communicate with your true self and then let you make decisions from that conscious, centered state of awareness. When you have a loving relationship with your parts, they do their jobs when it's appropriate, and then they step back when they're not needed. Your parts can also open you to new possibilities and shifting out of disempowering perspectives or situations. Right. They're really there to help. Now, in a perfect world, your true self has cultivated a beautiful relationship with these parts so that they're not trying to grab the steering wheel like Thelma and Louise and drive you off a cliff somewhere instead of going towards your goals and dreams and desires, such as experiencing that love of your life, that intimate partner relationship that you desire, or changing careers, going after the goals and dreams that you desire because you have a healthy relationship with those parts. And when you have that, you can create a greater perspective and be less emotionally triggered.

Wouldn't that be nice to not be projecting all your crap on everybody else? Because I know I did that for a long time. I pointed the finger, I played the blame game, and I said, it's your fault that my life is not working. And so when I created this relationship with myself and my parts, I was less reactionary in my life. And you get to have that access as well. And when you have that access, you come to a space of awareness and acceptance. And you have this deep level of compassion for your parts. There's so much more harmony going on internally and externally. You also have a really great understanding when you're doing this work between the mind and the body and that soul, that deep soul level connection. And that allows you the internal resources for healing and guidance. Now, ultimately experiencing a happier, a healthier, a more vibrant version of yourself. And from that place, you can make really good decisions confidently, feeling good about the choices you make in your life. Now, that sounds great to me. I mean, isn't that what we all want to feel aligned and energized and excited about life? I know I do. I hope this was helpful to help you better understand the voices in your head and the connection to your true self. Because I know for me, this was an eye opener. And it gave me such a beautiful path to a deeper level of healing in my life.

As always, if you want to know more about ifs or a particular part that keeps showing up in your life, or just anything around personal growth and development, please feel free to send me a direct message. Pop on over to instagram and send me a direct message and I would be so, so happy to connect with you until next week. Sending you buckets and buckets full of love. Thanks for tuning into today's episode. I know your time is valuable and I'm so grateful that we get a chance to share this space together. If you're wanting more from myself or any of my guests right now, I am a hell yes to that. I love your enthusiasm, so let's make it happen. Simply check out the links in the show notes for all the information on the latest offerings, programs, and possibilities to connect outside this space. Or feel free to send me a DM on Instagram. Amybarskycoaching and of course, if you have any reflections or feedback, I am all ears. Also, if you feel this episode supported you, will you please leave a rating and a review? Your reviews really help people to discover the show and if you know of anyone you feel would benefit from this podcast, please pass it along. A special thanks to my parents for always watching over me and for my team at Fullcast for making this show possible. I can't wait to be back in your ears next week. Trust me, you won't want to miss this next episode.