Jenny:
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So I basically risked my People Pleaser life all in the name of some brown
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sugar oat milk creamer from Trader Joe's.
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Let's start off with Trader Joe's.
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If you don't know what that is, it is
a magical grocery shopping experience
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where you go in there and there's all
different types of unique, rare, Foods and
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produce and baked goods and just heaven.
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I love it.
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Plus I ended up buying
a lot of plants there.
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I just have a problem, but that's
for a different diary entry.
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So being a vegetarian,
sometimes vegan, I don't know.
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I call it the Jenny diet.
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Having that unique diet, I love to go
to Trader Joe's because I have a lot of
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options there and it's reasonably priced.
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But the main reason I go to Trader Joe's
is their brown sugar oat milk creamer.
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Oh my goodness, it has changed
my coffee drinking experience.
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I even put it in hot chocolate.
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I put it in my tea.
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Like I'll put it in anything
because it tastes so freaking good.
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Okay, let me preface it.
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I love this stuff.
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So this happened a few weeks ago.
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I walk into Trader Joe's,
my happy place, right?
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And I go there pretty often so I can get
in and out of that place pretty quickly.
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Meaning I know where the creamer is.
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I had been there a few weeks before, and
I saw the creamers out, which sometimes
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happens with their popular items.
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Remember this, okay?
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That's gonna come back
later on in the story.
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So a few weeks ago, it wasn't there.
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I went again, and at this moment,
there still wasn't creamer.
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I'm like, what the heck?
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They only had coconut milk.
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I'm like, ugh, I don't want that.
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But I chalked it up to, they
must not have any, right?
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I fill my cart and I'm
ready to get out of there.
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It's just a quick shopping
trip and errands kind of thing.
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I go up to the counter to check out.
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Now, if you've never been there,
everyone's always super friendly, like
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Hawaiian shirts and smiles, everyone's
happy and they play great music and
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it's just really good energy in there.
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I go up to the checkout and,
you know, they do a little
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small talk, that kind of thing.
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they ask you, did you find everything?
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And It just came out of me.
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I said, Hey, did they discontinue
the brown sugar oat milk creamer?
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Cause it's my second trip.
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I hadn't seen it.
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I hope not.
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Cause I love that stuff.
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I was just making conversation.
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I wasn't asking for help.
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Which is people pleaser slip up number
one, I didn't ask for help, but the
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cashier said, Oh, we shouldn't be.
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Let me find out.
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And now if you've never been
to Trader Joe's, how do they
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get associates attention?
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They ring a bell.
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I mean, they literally ring a bell.
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For a person who does not want to ask
for help, who is recovering from people
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pleasing, that bell might as well have
been as big as the Liberty Bell, Ring,
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ring, ring, ring, bringing all the
attention to me, the creamer person.
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I felt like the whole world was
staring at me, which was not true.
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This was just my brain over exaggerating.
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So someone comes up And they're
like, oh, what did you need?
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And they said, they'll
go check in the back.
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No problem.
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And then they ran to the back and
, there's people waiting in line and then
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it's making me want to die even more.
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I say to the cashier, this is my slipup.
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I say something like, I didn't
mean to make you all do that.
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I didn't mean for you to go check.
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And he is like, oh, no problem.
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And the other person who was
there is like ringing the
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bell's the fun part of the job.
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We enjoy doing that.
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So not only did this person
bring up creamer, oh no, no.
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They brought up an entire case.
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To the front of the store with a
smile on their face and said, Oh, we
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have some, they must've just ran out.
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How many would you like?
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Talk about customer service, but
the antithesis of that is talk about
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what a pedal to the metal, rubber
to the road, people pleasing healing
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experience this is because I am not
only receiving help, I'm receiving
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extreme levels of care and help, right?
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So, of course, I took three would have
taken more but I was going somewhere
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and I didn't want it to go bad.
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Okay, let's unpack this
together, shall we?
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When we're talking about being a
recovering people pleaser, what I mean
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by that is I'm going to have slip ups.
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Shrek says that we are like
onions with many layers, as is our
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people pleasing healing journey.
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Let's talk about healing and
what it looks like in action.
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It's an inside job and
it's also outside job.
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So the outside was me actually
saying something to the cashier.
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Now, my slip up was I didn't go
and ask someone explicitly, right?
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I just asked if they had discontinued it.
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I could have gone and asked
someone specifically on the floor.
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But that's neither here nor there.
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I'm going to give myself like
three out of five stars with that.
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So I was able to even broach
the topic of something not
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being where I needed it to be.
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Great.
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Good job, Jenny.
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The inside job was the
most important part.
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I have built up the capacity to
tolerate the tension of me feeling
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weird about being the center of
attention and expressing my need.
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I think that's probably what prompted
me to even say something to the
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cashier because of my inside job.
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Even though I knew it was going to
make me feel weird, I still brought
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it up, even though it was awkward,
and I ended up with my creamer, guys.
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So even with years of diligent
practice and mindful living, I still
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wanted to hide, but that's okay.
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Yes, and.
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You can have both.
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You can still be recovering
and still give it a try.
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You can still feel weird about it and
kind of want to die on the inside.
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And still do it.
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And I also have the creamer to enjoy.
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It's a win-win, right?
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My reward is now I have that wonderful
creamer in my coffee every morning.
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The moral of the story.
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Sometimes it takes another person
to nudge you toward and through
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the tension of asking for help.
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And that's okay.
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You will be okay.
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So thank you to that cashier and
thank you to the other one who
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rang the bell and the third one who
brought up an entire case of creamer.
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You don't even understand how much you
helped me with my self reflection and
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flexing my people pleaser healing muscle.
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Now here's my challenge for you.
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You go and try out asking
for help this week.
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I believe in you.
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You can do this.
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Let me know how it goes.
