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Living in the Present: A Chat with Lee Eldridge on Energy, Habits, and Purpose
Episode 4125th August 2023 • Unshakable Habits • Stephen Box
00:00:00 00:50:26

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Full show notes, links, and video available at https://unshakablehabits.com/lee-eldridge

Episode Summary

Have you ever wrestled with the delicate balance between career, fatherhood, and personal well-being? Join me as I sit down with Lee Eldridge, a former coach for professional athletes who has shifted his expertise to energy management. We'll be engaging in an eye-opening conversation about unshakable habits and the transformative power of prioritizing physical and mental health in our busier-than-ever lives. Our conversation underlines the significance of living out our vision, values, and purpose in the present moment as a testament to the effectiveness of energy management. Don't miss out as we explore this and more in our chat with Lee Eldridge, the expert on cognitive athletes.

Key Topics

[2:11] The unique perspective of what it takes to perform at a high level consistently 

[4:05] Balancing work, fatherhood, and well-being

[15:34] Do you need to perform at a high level all the time?

[19:00] Developing habits and consistency for success

[23:13] The four stages of competence

[29:37] The importance of improving sleep and establishing routines

[38:13] Maximizing morning and nighttime routines

[41:03] Create a balance in work, life, and relationships

[43:46] Setting boundaries—does it make the boat go faster?

[45:54] Finding focus and living with purpose

[50:06] Outro

Quotes We Loved

  • “If you are not sleeping well, if you are not eating well, if you have no movement or you're not feeding your body with movement if you are not doing any type of, you know, stress tolerance or mental training, if your cognitive performance is suffering, you're just never going to get anywhere, basically.” - Lee Eldridge
  • “...try and think about your vision, and where do I want to be? And that's a bit of a key thing. So once you have this idea of your boundaries, and if it's not a definite yes, then it's a no. If it's not yes, it's no, and it's quite a simple thing to do.” - Lee Eldridge
  • “...visions, values, and purpose are the big areas that push people to go forward and do what they're going to do. And once you start to do that, all the decisions that you need to make, if they're covered in those three and it's a good decision, you move forward.” - Lee Eldridge

Guest Bio

Throughout his 20-year career, Lee Eldridge has worked with athletes and business executives in elite environments, including professional rugby and football players, world-ranked tennis players, and C-Suite executives at multi-national companies. He holds an MSc in Human Performance and a BSc in Sports Science and Coaching.

He is the Founder and Performance Director of Cognitive Athlete, a bespoke human performance coaching company on a mission to lead elite business executives toward obtaining and sustaining optimal results over the long term.

Links & Resources

Website: https://cognitiveathlete.co.uk/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lee-eldridge/

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Episode: 41

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Transcripts

Lee Eldridge:

What's the one, one thing that we do every

Lee Eldridge:

day that pushes us forward?

Lee Eldridge:

And once we focus on that, and once we get that done, that

Lee Eldridge:

allows kind of the next process.

Lee Eldridge:

The next is to have a realization that.

Lee Eldridge:

The time you spent out of the business can be just as important as

Lee Eldridge:

the time you spent in the business.

Lee Eldridge:

Are you ready to break free from your old habits and create a better life

Lee Eldridge:

for yourself and those around you?

Lee Eldridge:

If so, welcome to Unshakable Habits.

Lee Eldridge:

The podcast dedicated to helping men be better husbands, fathers,

Lee Eldridge:

and leaders by prioritizing their physical and mental wellbeing.

Lee Eldridge:

Each week we'll look at health from a 360 degree perspective with

Lee Eldridge:

inspiring stories and practical strategies for building unshakable

Lee Eldridge:

habits that'll transform your life.

Lee Eldridge:

Join Stephen Box, a board certified health and wellness coach, and let's change

Lee Eldridge:

the world together one habit at a time.

Stephen Box:

Hey everybody.

Stephen Box:

Welcome to the Unshakable Habits podcast.

Stephen Box:

I am your host, Stephen Vox, and this is the podcast where we help men to.

Stephen Box:

Live healthier lives so that they can be the father's, husbands and

Stephen Box:

leaders that they are meant to be.

Stephen Box:

And today I have a special guest who is going to, Talking to us about something

Stephen Box:

that's a little bit different, something that most of us don't really account for.

Stephen Box:

Uh, what he does is he helps busy dads, busy working dads.

Stephen Box:

Uh, so whether that's you working for a company or whether you have your own

Stephen Box:

business and, uh, He focuses on instead of time management, which we've all heard

Stephen Box:

about, is this idea of energy management.

Stephen Box:

Uh, so very interesting conversation that we have ahead of us today, and

Stephen Box:

I'm looking forward to jumping in.

Stephen Box:

So without further ado, allow me to introduce my guest

Stephen Box:

today, Lee Eldridge Lee.

Stephen Box:

Hey there to the podcast.

Stephen Box:

Thank you so much for having me.

Stephen Box:

So, Lee, you kind of have a little bit of a unique perspective here because

Stephen Box:

not only are you a, a working father yourself, not only at some point did you

Stephen Box:

find yourself in the exact same position as the men that you help, but you also

Stephen Box:

have coached professional athletes.

Stephen Box:

So you kind of have this different perspective on the idea of what

Stephen Box:

it takes to perform at a high level on a consistent basis.

Lee Eldridge:

Yep.

Lee Eldridge:

Yep.

Lee Eldridge:

So, kind of a bit of a broad spectrum in terms of experience in professional sports

Lee Eldridge:

and also in high performing business.

Lee Eldridge:

And high performing business for me doesn't mean, you know,

Lee Eldridge:

fortune 500, it can be in, in any category from that point of view.

Lee Eldridge:

There are some amazing founders out there or, or people running small

Lee Eldridge:

companies that are performing.

Lee Eldridge:

At high performance or or high performing people, basically.

Lee Eldridge:

So yeah, it doesn't really matter kind of where you are, the level you're performing

Lee Eldridge:

at, but more the performance in itself.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, it's, it's kinda like the concept of, of exercise, right?

Stephen Box:

Where, you know, when we say lift heavy, you know, lift heavy

Stephen Box:

is a very broad idea, right?

Stephen Box:

It's all relevant on where you are in your own skill level and in your own life.

Stephen Box:

So I.

Stephen Box:

High performance doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be Fortune 500.

Stephen Box:

It can literally be a solopreneur.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, exactly.

Stephen Box:

Wearing all the hats in their business.

Stephen Box:

Matter of fact, that might be even higher performance.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

And, and to kind of touch on that, that everyone's talking about high

Lee Eldridge:

performance and peak performance, but inevitably, if you, if you use

Lee Eldridge:

that terminology high and peak, there has to be dips in your performance.

Lee Eldridge:

You, you know, You can't perform highly all the time, otherwise

Lee Eldridge:

you're not performing at your max.

Lee Eldridge:

There's always a little bit more to, to do, basically.

Lee Eldridge:

So it's a, it's an interesting area that's or of interesting topic,

Lee Eldridge:

topic of conversation at the moment.

Stephen Box:

Very interesting.

Stephen Box:

Very interesting.

Stephen Box:

So, we'll, we'll kind of touch on that here in a little bit.

Stephen Box:

Can we maybe start with your, your own story.

Stephen Box:

You were coaching Min already and, and you were kind of helping them with

Stephen Box:

some of these concepts and then, There came a point where your daughter said

Stephen Box:

something to you and it was kind of this light bulb moment for you that you

Stephen Box:

had kind of fallen into the same trap.

Stephen Box:

Could, could you share a little bit about that with us?

Stephen Box:

Yeah,

Lee Eldridge:

so kind of just after post pandemic kind of have

Lee Eldridge:

fancy a change in terms of working.

Lee Eldridge:

From, uh, being in professional sports and then also being in a performance company

Lee Eldridge:

and dipping back into professional sports.

Lee Eldridge:

And then I think it was a Saturday morning and my daughter was like,

Lee Eldridge:

daddy, daddy, daddy screaming at me basically to play Lego with her.

Lee Eldridge:

I think that was, um, and at that current time I was kind of on my phone,

Lee Eldridge:

I think LinkedIn, trying to connect with somebody regarding my business.

Lee Eldridge:

And I just thought to myself that this really isn't the way to do it.

Lee Eldridge:

And there must be other dads out there.

Lee Eldridge:

And from my previous, you know, experience, I'd sat opposite c o c-suite

Lee Eldridge:

individuals, predominantly males who were kind of talking to me about this, this

Lee Eldridge:

challenge that they were having and how although they had everything in terms

Lee Eldridge:

of a career, in terms of a title and the trappings that come with that from.

Lee Eldridge:

Financial responsibility, different opportunities, traveling, et cetera.

Lee Eldridge:

They just didn't really feel very happy in themselves, um, as a father, as a

Lee Eldridge:

husband, and, and as an individual.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and then I.

Lee Eldridge:

I kind of thought to myself, right, okay, there must be a different way of doing it

Lee Eldridge:

and I must be able to look back in terms of my previous experience in professional

Lee Eldridge:

sports and how I can adjust that.

Lee Eldridge:

So one area in professional sports is as a performance coach.

Lee Eldridge:

Before you kind of even step into the gym or onto the pitch

Lee Eldridge:

to work with the athletes, you've pretty much done a needs analysis.

Lee Eldridge:

And a needs analysis is we look at the sport, we look at all the research that's

Lee Eldridge:

gone past, we, you know, watch games.

Lee Eldridge:

We talk to athletes, we talk to coaches to get an understanding of the physiological

Lee Eldridge:

demands of the sports, the mental demands, the emotional demands, and you.

Lee Eldridge:

So that we can go in, um, and basically start to work with those athletes or those

Lee Eldridge:

coaches to improve the team's performance.

Lee Eldridge:

So I was like, right, okay, I need to do a needs analysis.

Lee Eldridge:

And there wasn't much out there regarding business dads.

Lee Eldridge:

So I decided to interview dads.

Lee Eldridge:

So got onto like LinkedIn and YouTube and just started to

Lee Eldridge:

try and have interviews or.

Lee Eldridge:

I was thinking right, this isn't gonna take too long.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and it's to get to 50 was my number and took me probably around

Lee Eldridge:

six to seven months to interview business dads about their kind of

Lee Eldridge:

challenges and their fears and.

Lee Eldridge:

It took a long time and it's still ongoing, the research, I'm still

Lee Eldridge:

speaking to dads and kind of getting a better understanding, but my two

Lee Eldridge:

biggest questions to them was, you know, what's the biggest challenges

Lee Eldridge:

that you're facing in your business and as a dad, and you know, what's the

Lee Eldridge:

biggest fear from those challenges?

Lee Eldridge:

And kind of bore out was basically the three big areas that most of them kind

Lee Eldridge:

of spoke to me about was one, this kind of feeling or this lack of time.

Lee Eldridge:

Second was this idea of lack of engagement.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, being in the room but not really being in the room because you're

Lee Eldridge:

too busy thinking about something else.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and lastly was this whole kind of definition about success.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, My company doesn't make this much money, or I don't get this role,

Lee Eldridge:

or however it may look from a company point of view, that, and how that

Lee Eldridge:

defined me as a, as a dad basically.

Lee Eldridge:

And in terms of kind of the fears, the big fears were, you know, I, I

Lee Eldridge:

don't get to see my kids grow up.

Lee Eldridge:

I don't create great relationships with them.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and then on the flip side is that, you know, I can't push my

Lee Eldridge:

business forward enough to a level of.

Lee Eldridge:

Success or what I believe is success.

Lee Eldridge:

So once kind of doing that and putting the two together, really

Lee Eldridge:

kind of start to think about, right, where do we look at it?

Lee Eldridge:

And, you know, how can we not necessarily improve the amount of time that we

Lee Eldridge:

have because we, we can't do that.

Lee Eldridge:

So how can we improve our energy?

Lee Eldridge:

So it's not necessarily how many hours in the day, it's what we put into

Lee Eldridge:

those hours and how that fluctuates.

Lee Eldridge:

And we can talk about that a little bit more.

Lee Eldridge:

How can we improve our engagement so that when you're in the

Lee Eldridge:

business, you're in the business.

Lee Eldridge:

When you're a dad, you're a dad.

Lee Eldridge:

When you're a husband or a partner or whatever it might

Lee Eldridge:

be you, you are that person.

Lee Eldridge:

So we know that when we perform our best or when we look at kind of flow

Lee Eldridge:

state research or when we're like, yeah, just in that moment and we're just.

Lee Eldridge:

At a peak performance level, we're always just thinking about one thing.

Lee Eldridge:

We can't be thinking about others, and there's loads of professional

Lee Eldridge:

athletes that this, this has hit home to them in terms of, you

Lee Eldridge:

know, they've kind of struggled.

Lee Eldridge:

And story for me is when working in rugby and with a international athlete,

Lee Eldridge:

And we hadn't changed anything in his training and or his performance.

Lee Eldridge:

And it just started to dip and it just started to kind of go down slightly.

Lee Eldridge:

And we were a bit concerned and we are really looking into our

Lee Eldridge:

training programs and recovery.

Lee Eldridge:

And then we had, I had a conversation with him and basically he was about

Lee Eldridge:

to go through a breakup with his wife and how that was gonna affect the

Lee Eldridge:

family and all this kind of stuff.

Lee Eldridge:

Kind of hit me that.

Lee Eldridge:

Not only what happens inside the training ground or on the

Lee Eldridge:

pitch affects performance.

Lee Eldridge:

It's so holistic.

Lee Eldridge:

It's kind of outside.

Lee Eldridge:

If we relate that now obviously to, to business dads, that that

Lee Eldridge:

makes complete sense basically.

Lee Eldridge:

And then the last thing is like, right, how do we define that set success?

Lee Eldridge:

So how do you build out a vision, a value, a purpose?

Lee Eldridge:

What are your big pillars in your life?

Lee Eldridge:

And how are your foundations of performance?

Lee Eldridge:

You know, how are you, how are you as a human being in terms your overall.

Lee Eldridge:

Wellbeing, you know, sleep, eating, movement, thinking,

Lee Eldridge:

feeling all those different areas.

Lee Eldridge:

And that's kind of it in a, in a short term basically.

Stephen Box:

Okay.

Stephen Box:

So sorry, we just dump, sorry, that's a long answer.

Stephen Box:

No, no, you're good.

Stephen Box:

You're good.

Stephen Box:

We, we just, but we did just dump like a thousand gyms on people.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

So let's, let's kind of go back through and, and break these down a little bit.

Stephen Box:

So a couple things that stood out for me there.

Stephen Box:

Number one is you talked about this idea of.

Stephen Box:

Things being connected yet separate.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

And I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with.

Stephen Box:

Um, you know, for a lot of the guys out there, it is that issue of when

Stephen Box:

I'm trying to spend time with my family, I'm thinking about work.

Stephen Box:

Or when I'm at work, I'm stressed out by things that are going on at home.

Stephen Box:

On top of that, those things also affect things like our physical health, right?

Stephen Box:

We, and then maybe we're stressed out, we're tired.

Stephen Box:

That leads to poor nutritional choices.

Stephen Box:

You know, we're not sleeping well and emotionally, mentally, we're,

Stephen Box:

we're drained and, and all these different areas of health really start

Stephen Box:

to have an impact on one another.

Stephen Box:

So I think for a lot of people it's this idea that, okay, if all these

Stephen Box:

things impact each other, but how do I focus on one thing at a time

Stephen Box:

without neglecting the other things?

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

So it, it really becomes down or comes down to the fact of,

Lee Eldridge:

first of all, knowing what that one thing is that you've got to focus on.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and business, it, it can be a challenge.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, there's so much happening and everyone's kind of running

Lee Eldridge:

around, but for me it's like, right.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and I love the work of the, of the One thing book where basically, you

Lee Eldridge:

know, we talk about 80 20 all the time.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, 28% of our results come from 20% of what we do.

Lee Eldridge:

But really if we narrow that down and think like, right, what's the

Lee Eldridge:

one, one thing that we do every day?

Lee Eldridge:

That pushes us forward.

Lee Eldridge:

And once we focus on that, and once we get that done, that

Lee Eldridge:

allows kind of the next process.

Lee Eldridge:

The next is to have a realization that the time you spent out of the

Lee Eldridge:

business can be just as important as the time you spent in the business.

Lee Eldridge:

So, you know, it's impossible for us to be on from, you know, 6:00 AM

Lee Eldridge:

on a Monday all the way through 6:00 PM on a Friday and, and perform at.

Lee Eldridge:

The highest percentile ever.

Lee Eldridge:

And if you put that physically, you know, if I said to an athlete, right,

Lee Eldridge:

we're gonna change from, we're gonna train from 6:00 AM on Monday morning,

Lee Eldridge:

all the way till 6:00 PM on Friday.

Lee Eldridge:

Everyone would be like, you're nuts.

Lee Eldridge:

It's just not gonna work.

Lee Eldridge:

By Wednesday I'm gonna be, you know, dead basically, or too tired

Lee Eldridge:

to train or injuries, et cetera.

Lee Eldridge:

But in our heads, we believe that's what the brain can just cope with

Lee Eldridge:

that amount of cognitive load.

Lee Eldridge:

But we know now it can't.

Lee Eldridge:

So what I'm saying there is when you are a dad, it's like, right, okay.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah, I'm dad now and.

Lee Eldridge:

This is my main focus and this allows me to to, to problem solve

Lee Eldridge:

things in the back of my head that I'm not really thinking about.

Lee Eldridge:

But we know, so for example, we know that sleep, especially kind of

Lee Eldridge:

REM sleep, is ipro I important for memory learning and problem solving.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, that idea that lots of your.

Lee Eldridge:

Problems you solve are actually at night, and then you wake up in the

Lee Eldridge:

morning and then you're walking along.

Lee Eldridge:

You're like, oh yeah, I know how to fix that now.

Lee Eldridge:

And that hasn't happened just then.

Lee Eldridge:

That's happened probably while you were sleeping.

Lee Eldridge:

So,

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

So one thing that I find interesting here, uh, just to

Stephen Box:

give a, a quick example of this.

Stephen Box:

So the other day or a couple weeks ago, I was watching, uh,

Stephen Box:

American football, uh, game.

Stephen Box:

I know, I know you coach what we call soccer here in the us,

Stephen Box:

which I'll call it football.

Stephen Box:

Uh, so I was watching, uh, my 49 ERs.

Stephen Box:

I'm a San Francisco 49 ERs fan, and after the game they asked Nick Bosa,

Stephen Box:

who's our, our star defensive end.

Stephen Box:

You know, when you're chasing after the quarterback, what are you thinking about?

Stephen Box:

What goes through your head?

Stephen Box:

And he paused for a second and he goes, really Nothing.

Stephen Box:

I'm just, I'm literally just thinking about running in front, running

Stephen Box:

through the guy in front of me.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

And it's this idea that, you know, here you have someone who's probably

Stephen Box:

going to be named defensive player of the year in the N F L this year.

Stephen Box:

All of his mental focus throughout the week.

Stephen Box:

He's watching film, he's practicing technique at practice.

Stephen Box:

He's doing all these things and there's a lot of awareness and

Stephen Box:

consciousness all through the week.

Stephen Box:

But on game day, he's just showing up and letting instincts takeover.

Stephen Box:

He's not thinking about it.

Stephen Box:

He's not.

Stephen Box:

He's not worried about it.

Stephen Box:

And I think for a lot of guys, this is kind of the step that they miss, right?

Stephen Box:

It's they think either they're just gonna automatically do it without

Stephen Box:

putting in the awareness work, or they worry that they're gonna have to

Stephen Box:

constantly be focused on the awareness.

Stephen Box:

And the idea here is we work on these skills, we build them up,

Stephen Box:

and then at some point they become ingrained enough in us that we no

Stephen Box:

longer have to think about them.

Stephen Box:

They just kind of happen naturally.

Stephen Box:

Correct.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

Yep.

Stephen Box:

So another thing that you kind of touched on earlier was this idea and, and I

Stephen Box:

think you kind of touched on it a little bit too, with this idea of like, if I

Stephen Box:

try to train somebody Monday through Friday, you know, all day long, I.

Stephen Box:

Is we can't just always be at the top level, right?

Stephen Box:

There has to be dips in, in the schedule in order to allow us to recover.

Stephen Box:

So can you touch on that a little bit more about why it's so important that

Stephen Box:

we not always try to be performing at the, at that peak level of energy?

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

So, you know, let's think about kind of how we are as a human being.

Lee Eldridge:

We have peaks, natural peaks and troughs of, of kind of cognitive

Lee Eldridge:

awareness and physical awareness.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, we, we wake up hopefully after a decent rest.

Lee Eldridge:

We have kind of, you know, some hormones that kick in to kind of

Lee Eldridge:

help us focus and get up and running.

Lee Eldridge:

And then there's normally like what we would call a postprandial dip.

Lee Eldridge:

So after lunchtime it's a natural people.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

Feel a bit tired or, or you, for, you know, and that can

Lee Eldridge:

change depending on who you are.

Lee Eldridge:

So, you know, if you're an early bird, then yeah, that might happen.

Lee Eldridge:

But, you know, if you're a, um, and kind of more of a night owl, then the

Lee Eldridge:

mornings might not be so great for you.

Lee Eldridge:

Late afternoons, early evening might be better for you.

Lee Eldridge:

And it really does depend on you as an individual and Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

And how you kind of operate.

Lee Eldridge:

For me it's like right, we're.

Lee Eldridge:

Similar in that respect, but slight differences, slight variations.

Lee Eldridge:

And then what I'm saying to people is, right, what are you putting in

Lee Eldridge:

those chunks of time to make sure that you get the best out of it?

Lee Eldridge:

So, you know, a big thing is Monday morning meetings, you know, nine

Lee Eldridge:

to 11 or you know, morning meetings and I'm like, well, this is kind of

Lee Eldridge:

the real, it's not great habit to do because in theory, again, really.

Lee Eldridge:

Four or five hours from once we've woken up, that's kind of

Lee Eldridge:

our perfect time to be doing work.

Lee Eldridge:

And what we don't need is a meeting that isn't really kind of what I would say

Lee Eldridge:

is your most important tasks of work.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

So once we figure that out and we start to put in those building blocks

Lee Eldridge:

of focused work around one thing or, or or two things that we need to get

Lee Eldridge:

done, we kind of get the sense of we actually have achieved something.

Lee Eldridge:

Whereas a lot of people I work with who are kind of back to back

Lee Eldridge:

meetings, you know, they get to the end of the day and they're like,

Lee Eldridge:

well, I haven't really done any work.

Lee Eldridge:

All I've done is just been in meetings.

Lee Eldridge:

And you know, Microsoft Labs did some amazing research where they looked at

Lee Eldridge:

back-to-back meetings compared to people who had slight pauses and slight breaks.

Lee Eldridge:

Five minutes in between each meeting and.

Lee Eldridge:

Lots of the metrics for lots of the data in terms of kind of like stress reduction

Lee Eldridge:

and creativity and all those nice things that we talk about happened basically.

Lee Eldridge:

So what I do with a lot of dads I work with is we sit down and we say,

Lee Eldridge:

right, okay, what's, if you could do one thing today for your business, one

Lee Eldridge:

thing today for your family, one thing today for yourself, what would it be?

Lee Eldridge:

Plug those in in your week.

Lee Eldridge:

Cement them in.

Lee Eldridge:

Create these habits.

Lee Eldridge:

'cause what we know is that habits build routines.

Lee Eldridge:

Routines build consistency, and then consistently builds performance.

Lee Eldridge:

Once that's done, then we can start to kind of build from there, basically.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah, it's,

Stephen Box:

it's always an interesting point that you bring up there where

Stephen Box:

people think about habits as the end goal.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

And I've, I'm also a firm believer that habits actually are, Not necessarily

Stephen Box:

the, the first step because I'm, I'm a big believer that developing the skills

Stephen Box:

is actually the first step, right?

Stephen Box:

Because we need the right skills to be able to develop the habits,

Stephen Box:

but people think about, oh, I need to get more consistent.

Stephen Box:

No.

Stephen Box:

What you need to get is the ability to start building habits.

Stephen Box:

Habits help you become consistent, consist leads to routines, right?

Stephen Box:

And, and at least to results.

Stephen Box:

And so when you are.

Stephen Box:

Consistent at something, that's when you start to get the results.

Stephen Box:

You know, a somebody who shows up every day and gives a B effort, well outperform

Stephen Box:

somebody who shows up once a week and gives an a plus effort every single time.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

Simple.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, and if we look at it from a business perspective,

Lee Eldridge:

it makes clear understanding.

Lee Eldridge:

It makes clear sense.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, you know, Social media is one of it.

Lee Eldridge:

Everyone talks about it.

Lee Eldridge:

Just be consistent.

Lee Eldridge:

Just be consistent.

Lee Eldridge:

Just be consistent.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, you know, and that's, that's if, if you look at, you know, the N F L for

Lee Eldridge:

example, or any professional athlete, all they've done is they've stayed really

Lee Eldridge:

consistent over a long period of time and just got a little bit better each year.

Lee Eldridge:

On year on year.

Lee Eldridge:

And so that, that's, that's where they're at basically, because

Lee Eldridge:

that consistent work has gone in.

Lee Eldridge:

And it can be tough because you can look back.

Lee Eldridge:

I move that far on from where I was this time last year,

Lee Eldridge:

or you know, six months ago.

Lee Eldridge:

But you're still moving.

Lee Eldridge:

You're still kind of getting better, you know, and we know that mastery is

Lee Eldridge:

not a linear process, unfortunately.

Lee Eldridge:

Otherwise I think that everybody would be, yeah, super fit, healthy, you

Lee Eldridge:

know, financially free, whatever you want to call, because it'd be kind of

Lee Eldridge:

plain today, plain to see that you, you're moving in the right direction.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I actually have this concept that I teach and, and this is

Stephen Box:

something I completely made up on my own, so I don't have any name for it.

Stephen Box:

I should probably put a, a name on it.

Stephen Box:

Um, but I, I just kind of roughly call it the, the ten eighty ten principle.

Stephen Box:

And this is this idea that anytime that you're learning something new or you're

Stephen Box:

trying to make a change to something, the first 10% of your effort is really hard.

Stephen Box:

It's completely new to you.

Stephen Box:

It's something that you're having to teach yourself.

Stephen Box:

You're having to override those existing habits that you have

Stephen Box:

that aren't as productive.

Stephen Box:

That middle 80% is actually where the majority of growth happens.

Stephen Box:

You know, at this point you've kind of gotten through the hard part.

Stephen Box:

Things are easy.

Stephen Box:

You're, you're making mistakes still, but you're learning from them and

Stephen Box:

you're able to adapt a lot easier.

Stephen Box:

And there's just a ton of growth.

Stephen Box:

And for most people, honestly, they never get past that 80% that, and

Stephen Box:

that's plenty good enough for, for them.

Stephen Box:

For the people who want to go to the next level, there's that last 10% and that 10%

Stephen Box:

is mastery and people don't realize that.

Stephen Box:

In that first 10%, you can't grow from 1% to 10% overnight.

Stephen Box:

It's a, it's a more slow, tedious process because you're learning new things.

Stephen Box:

And then at the end of it, because you've already developed so many skills, because

Stephen Box:

you've already gotten so many things in place, that last 10% is extremely slow.

Stephen Box:

Like that's where we start getting like a half a percent increase

Stephen Box:

is actually a great thing.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

And that's.

Stephen Box:

A lot of times you mention professional athletes, that's kind of where they get

Stephen Box:

to where they're already in that last 10% because they've consistently put

Stephen Box:

in the work in that 80% and now they're just trying to master it and, and I see

Stephen Box:

people all the time, they, oh, I'm gonna go do this workout that this actor did to

Stephen Box:

go play a comic book hero, or I'm gonna go train like a professional athlete.

Stephen Box:

It's like, no, you have to put in the 80% work before you ever get to that.

Stephen Box:

You can't just jump to the last 10%.

Lee Eldridge:

And if I remember, there's kind of four steps and

Lee Eldridge:

I, I'll try and remember, but the first one is conscious mistakes.

Lee Eldridge:

Mm-hmm.

Lee Eldridge:

No, sorry.

Lee Eldridge:

Unconscious mistakes.

Lee Eldridge:

So you make mistakes, but you dunno why you made mistakes.

Lee Eldridge:

And the next step is conscious mistakes.

Lee Eldridge:

So you know why you're making those mistakes.

Lee Eldridge:

The next step is conscious.

Lee Eldridge:

Performance, so you know why you're doing really well.

Lee Eldridge:

And then the final is unconscious performance where you don't

Lee Eldridge:

think about anything and you just go off and perform basically.

Lee Eldridge:

And we have go through that, that learning process.

Lee Eldridge:

And even we've gone through that learning process.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, the 0.5 percents.

Lee Eldridge:

The one percenters are the ones that kind of we talk about

Lee Eldridge:

now, especially in the UK or.

Lee Eldridge:

In the Olympics, there's a guy in the UK called Sir David Brailsford,

Lee Eldridge:

and he came up with the whole area of what we call marginal gains.

Lee Eldridge:

So he took on board the British cycling team when they were doing, they

Lee Eldridge:

hadn't won any gold medals, nothing.

Lee Eldridge:

And he imposed this idea of marginal gains where he would go round and look for

Lee Eldridge:

simple or easy, you know, one percenters.

Lee Eldridge:

Basically the idea that, you know, if we can be 1% in everything, it's

Lee Eldridge:

gonna improve our performance by five.

Lee Eldridge:

Painting the, the tour bus white, completely bright white so they

Lee Eldridge:

could see any dirt that could, um, cause infections in the athletes.

Lee Eldridge:

Getting doctors to teach athletes how to wash their hands properly, so after food

Lee Eldridge:

that, you know, they wouldn't pass germs into their mouth, you know, traveling

Lee Eldridge:

with mattresses and pillows the same as the ones they had at home, and all those

Lee Eldridge:

types of little things to kind of add up.

Lee Eldridge:

And in the UK it kind of, you know, especially from a business world, it,

Lee Eldridge:

it brought loads of kind of traction.

Lee Eldridge:

For me, that's great.

Lee Eldridge:

But if we look at your foundations, It's really difficult to grow

Lee Eldridge:

by half a percent or a percent.

Lee Eldridge:

If you are not sleeping well.

Lee Eldridge:

If you are not eating well, if you have no movement or you're not feeding your

Lee Eldridge:

body with movement, if you are not doing any type of, you know, stress tolerance

Lee Eldridge:

or mental training, if your cognitive performance is suffering you, you're

Lee Eldridge:

just never gonna get anywhere basically.

Lee Eldridge:

So it's good for me when I go in and work is to step back and reinvestigate

Lee Eldridge:

those foundations basically.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, and I, I love the fact that you bring this up, right?

Stephen Box:

Because I'm sure there's somebody out there listening to this right

Stephen Box:

now that is saying, okay, Lee, this sounds great, but I don't have time

Stephen Box:

for anything else on my plate, right?

Stephen Box:

I can't add anything and everything that's on my plate.

Stephen Box:

It's super important, and I can't let any of it go right.

Stephen Box:

I, I see, I see you laughing for, for, those are only listening right now.

Stephen Box:

Like you, you just kind of got this like big smile on your face

Stephen Box:

because you're like, I, you probably said this yourself at some point.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

And I, I think this idea that we're not asking you to let go of a lot of stuff.

Stephen Box:

We're not asking you to add a whole lot to your thing, to your plate.

Stephen Box:

It's really just this idea of what small thing can you actually do.

Stephen Box:

It's going to help you start to get better in those areas, right?

Stephen Box:

What's gonna help you build that mental strength?

Stephen Box:

What's gonna help you sleep better?

Stephen Box:

What's gonna help you eat better?

Stephen Box:

What's gonna allow you to start getting movement into your life?

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

And.

Stephen Box:

You don't need to do all those things at once.

Stephen Box:

You just need to do one.

Stephen Box:

And it's really about figuring out which one of those things is the most

Stephen Box:

important for you to do right now.

Stephen Box:

And there's not a right answer for that.

Stephen Box:

There is no one size fits all.

Stephen Box:

This is the thing that all of us need to do today.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

Correct.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

The odd I'd go back and say, you know, if people are saying, oh,

Lee Eldridge:

everything's super important, then.

Lee Eldridge:

I question that if, you know, if what I would suggest people do is they write

Lee Eldridge:

down all the things that are important and then like once you get probably, I

Lee Eldridge:

don't know, 20 or 30, whatever it is, I'm sure there you can identify the five

Lee Eldridge:

things that are actually really, really important and they're the things that

Lee Eldridge:

you have to consistently do all the time.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and you know, if I work physically with some athletes, you know, if they

Lee Eldridge:

send me their programs nine times outta 10, I never add anything in.

Lee Eldridge:

I always take things out.

Lee Eldridge:

Because I much prefer people to do less exercises, for example, really,

Lee Eldridge:

really well, and, you know, truly engaged, be truly focused than lots

Lee Eldridge:

of different types of exercise.

Lee Eldridge:

Um mm-hmm.

Lee Eldridge:

And that's the same, you know, in, in life is like, right, what's, what,

Lee Eldridge:

what's the, those one or two things that you, you need to do basically.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and then the caveat to that is like, look, if you are not sleeping, if you

Lee Eldridge:

are not recovering from anything that you are doing, Um, You, you're at a

Lee Eldridge:

disadvantage already from the word go.

Lee Eldridge:

And unfortunately, you know, the stats are not great.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, early 19 hundreds, most of us were sleeping nine hours,

Lee Eldridge:

and then some guy came along and invented the light bulb.

Lee Eldridge:

And as soon as the light bulb were invented, you know, we were

Lee Eldridge:

able to work later in the day.

Lee Eldridge:

And then now I think, 18.

Lee Eldridge:

In America's studies, the average sleep time is six and hours.

Lee Eldridge:

So we've lost a huge chunk of, and probably close to a sleep cycle or two

Lee Eldridge:

sleep cycles, which are really important.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and if we think about it, that kind of everything leads, everything's in

Lee Eldridge:

intertwined, but sleep, you know, if.

Lee Eldridge:

If you had a good night's sleep, your nutrition choices are better.

Lee Eldridge:

We know that you are probably, you have more energy, you're probably

Lee Eldridge:

thinking, right, maybe how can I fit a quick workout in here?

Lee Eldridge:

How can I get to the gym or walk more?

Lee Eldridge:

You know, my mood has improved, my relationships with my kids,

Lee Eldridge:

with my wife and partner, with my people at work are be better.

Lee Eldridge:

And then it kind of all feeds in really.

Lee Eldridge:

And then, you know, if you eat well, you are gonna sleep a

Lee Eldridge:

little better if you move well.

Lee Eldridge:

You're gonna sleep better, you're gonna eat it.

Lee Eldridge:

It's all kind of linked in from a holistic point of view.

Lee Eldridge:

So there's not one thing that you have to do.

Lee Eldridge:

It's like, right, what's the smallest change that I can do today to,

Lee Eldridge:

to support me in moving forward?

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And I think, you know, for me personally, We said there's not really like ASEP

Stephen Box:

thing, but if I were to kind of put a hierarchy on where I would look at

Stephen Box:

first with people to make sure that they're getting those things, most

Stephen Box:

of us, especially when it starts to come into energy and health and

Stephen Box:

everything, the first two things we focus on is exercise and nutrition.

Stephen Box:

But I'm actually a big believer that the first two things that we need

Stephen Box:

to work on is sleep and mindset.

Stephen Box:

'cause those two things I think usually are, are kind of the building blocks.

Stephen Box:

'cause as you said, if you're not sleeping well, you're not recovering well.

Stephen Box:

And you mentioned the idea that if you're only getting six and

Stephen Box:

a half, seven hours of sleep, you're missing a full sleep cycle.

Stephen Box:

You know, maybe even two.

Stephen Box:

And those last sleep cycles are really where a lot of your

Stephen Box:

recovery actually happens.

Stephen Box:

We're actually missing out on the most important.

Stephen Box:

Sleep cycles.

Stephen Box:

So it's not just the fact we're missing them, it's the fact we're missing out

Stephen Box:

on some of the most important ones.

Stephen Box:

And I think for a lot of people, that has a resounding impact, right?

Stephen Box:

Where it's.

Stephen Box:

You're tired now you make poor decisions.

Stephen Box:

And whether those are about your nutrition or your exercise or they're,

Stephen Box:

you're sitting in that meeting and you come up with a bad idea or you make a,

Stephen Box:

a rash decision because you're tired and you're not thinking straight.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah, correct.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, and for me, you know, people talk about mindset all the time.

Lee Eldridge:

It's, you know, it's everywhere basically, but, You can really improve your

Lee Eldridge:

mindset by having a good night's sleep.

Lee Eldridge:

It's amazing what you, how, how, how much you can take when you are rested

Lee Eldridge:

and, and, and ready to go basically.

Lee Eldridge:

And you know, to talk about those sleep cycles, those.

Lee Eldridge:

We miss a kind of heavily weighted to REM sleep and REM sleep is important

Lee Eldridge:

for memory learning, problem solving, which 90% of us really need, you know,

Lee Eldridge:

most of us are cognitive based in the work that we do and not physically

Lee Eldridge:

based in the work that we do.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

And for.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, I, the challenge that there'd be lots of dads thinking, well, yeah,

Lee Eldridge:

but I've got young families, you know, they wake up, they, they disturb me in

Lee Eldridge:

my sleep and how do I get around that?

Lee Eldridge:

For me, it's, you know, just the way that for a kid that we would have, I.

Lee Eldridge:

A pre-bed routine, you know, we would, you know, bath, bottle, bed, whatever

Lee Eldridge:

it is, you, you get into a routine so that your kid are like, right, okay,

Lee Eldridge:

now it's time for me to calm down.

Lee Eldridge:

Now it's time for me to, you know, think about going to sleep.

Lee Eldridge:

But as an adult, we're a bit naive and we just think, right,

Lee Eldridge:

we can do whatever we want.

Lee Eldridge:

Shut the laptop, turn the tele off, get into bed and fall straight to sleep.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and for me it's like, well, no start to build in.

Lee Eldridge:

A pre-bed routine, very similar to a morning routine, which everyone

Lee Eldridge:

hypes on about, you know, ice bath, me journaling, meditation.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah, I, I, yeah, whatever you want.

Lee Eldridge:

Whatever you do, whatever you need to do to get you, you know, in that

Lee Eldridge:

frame of work or whatever it might be.

Lee Eldridge:

But I'm like, what, what can you do before bed in terms of like,

Lee Eldridge:

to give you the best opportunity?

Lee Eldridge:

Because if your child is gonna wake up at two 3:00 AM.

Lee Eldridge:

Try and get some good quality sleep before that because you

Lee Eldridge:

know, they'll disturb the sleep.

Lee Eldridge:

You'll struggle to get back to sleep.

Lee Eldridge:

You'll get back to sleep, and then, you know, the alarm goes off and

Lee Eldridge:

then you've got to, you know, go to work, whatever it might be.

Lee Eldridge:

So that's one area that I try and push, push, you know, fathers to do, is

Lee Eldridge:

really trying to get to sleep as soon as possible because you know you're gonna

Lee Eldridge:

wake up, especially with young families.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, you've gotta, you have to be intentional about that too, right?

Stephen Box:

It's not just like, oh, I'll go to bed, you know, I'll try to go to bed

Stephen Box:

at this time, or I'll, I'll force myself to go to bed at this time.

Stephen Box:

Because, uh, a concept that I'll introduce the, the audience to here that I actually

Stephen Box:

learned about last year, that kind of blew my mind that this was even a thing

Stephen Box:

and then I realized that I do it is this idea of revenge procrastination, right?

Stephen Box:

Our sleep revenge, procrastination, where the idea is you've been doing

Stephen Box:

stuff for other people all day long, and now is your time and.

Stephen Box:

This is where like, you know, you should be going to bed.

Stephen Box:

You might even feel tired.

Stephen Box:

But you sit down on the couch, you turn on the television, and you watch your

Stephen Box:

favorite show, or you watch the game or whatever because you've earned in your

Stephen Box:

mind, you've earned that time to yourself.

Stephen Box:

And we convince ourself this is our time to kind of unwind.

Stephen Box:

And this is our method for unwinding.

Stephen Box:

But we know through the research, That, especially if our unwinding

Stephen Box:

period involves screens, that that's actually having the opposite effect.

Stephen Box:

That that blue light actually affects the quality of our sleep.

Stephen Box:

So even if you fall asleep pretty easily, uh, 'cause I've had, you know,

Stephen Box:

people tell me why fall asleep watching tv so it can't be keeping me up.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

It's like, no, that's just 'cause you're that tired.

Stephen Box:

Um, so it's one of those things where we don't realize the way that that

Stephen Box:

kind of stuff impacts our sleep.

Stephen Box:

So could you kind of maybe dive into a little bit, maybe even

Stephen Box:

share, like what is your nighttime routine that you, that you use?

Stephen Box:

Yeah,

Lee Eldridge:

so just the, the screen stuff.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, you know, I think it's more that you are just opening yourself up to.

Lee Eldridge:

Netflix or whoever you, whatever provider, Amazon or whatever,

Lee Eldridge:

you know, they're clever people.

Lee Eldridge:

The, the shows they're designed to, you watch them and then if you

Lee Eldridge:

notice, the last kind of 10 minutes is, is where all the action happens.

Lee Eldridge:

And then it gives you a little bit, and then it's like into the next episode and

Lee Eldridge:

before you know it, Whatever it might be.

Lee Eldridge:

And for me, one thing I try to do is, or I get people to do, is if they're

Lee Eldridge:

really poor, you know, they set an alarm, you know, so their alarm goes

Lee Eldridge:

off and that's either 90 minutes, an hour out from, from when they're trying

Lee Eldridge:

to get to sleep and they realize, hey look, this is, this is my time now,

Lee Eldridge:

this is for me to kind of go through it.

Lee Eldridge:

And I'm not a great fan of screens in general, you know, I don't

Lee Eldridge:

very emails, you know, after.

Lee Eldridge:

8:00 PM at the latest, basically, because again, an email is probably normally

Lee Eldridge:

somebody asking you to do something or a problem, and all that's gonna do,

Lee Eldridge:

if you imagine that we're, you know, we're trying to go down the brain waves.

Lee Eldridge:

We're trying to go into our delta waves where we're trying relax.

Lee Eldridge:

We're not really thinking of, we are thinking, but we're not

Lee Eldridge:

really kind of actively thinking.

Lee Eldridge:

So I don't really want a

Lee Eldridge:

sling.

Lee Eldridge:

For me in terms of how it looks, is it's quite calm.

Lee Eldridge:

And you know, as soon as my daughter goes to bed around 8, 8 30, I'm like,

Lee Eldridge:

right, okay, this is, this is the time to kind of start switching down.

Lee Eldridge:

Basically.

Lee Eldridge:

I enjoy reading at night and I find that kind of really helps to, to kind

Lee Eldridge:

of get everything going, basically in terms of from a sleep point of view.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and then a morning routine is, It is what it is in terms of, I have

Lee Eldridge:

a young son, so you know, he's not a consistent wake upper, so sometimes

Lee Eldridge:

he'll be up at six, sometimes quarter to seven, whatever that might be.

Lee Eldridge:

So I try to get in 20 minutes at least of, of whatever that

Lee Eldridge:

might look like in the morning.

Lee Eldridge:

Whether that's some guided meditation or mindfulness or journaling, whatever.

Lee Eldridge:

It's for me, people are like, oh, you know, I can't do this hour,

Lee Eldridge:

hour and a half in the morning.

Lee Eldridge:

I'm like, look, I don't it.

Lee Eldridge:

You, for me, it's like what, what do you influence before you go to bed and

Lee Eldridge:

what do you influence when you get up?

Lee Eldridge:

So even if it's 10 and 10, so 10 minutes before you go to sleep or, and 10

Lee Eldridge:

minutes when you get up in the morning.

Lee Eldridge:

Just getting that consistency of doing something similar.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, this, the science out there in terms of gratitude and journaling and

Lee Eldridge:

that kind of stuff is, is, is getting much kind of solid now, basically.

Lee Eldridge:

So once you do that and you build that consistency in, it just helps

Lee Eldridge:

you to kind of set a bit of a stone basically in terms of what you're doing.

Lee Eldridge:

So that's it really from a, you know, a big evening, morning routine

Stephen Box:

person.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, I know, like for me, I'm, I'm a night owl and for me, what I've

Stephen Box:

learned is, I can't schedule important things that need to be done like

Stephen Box:

physical things in the morning, right?

Stephen Box:

Mentally, even though a lot of my thought is more subconscious, I

Stephen Box:

think in the mornings I tend to do better with like kind of mental

Stephen Box:

task first thing in the morning.

Stephen Box:

'cause what happens for me is I'll sit down and I'll just kind of go, you

Stephen Box:

know, have a little meditation time, a little prayer time, and I think

Stephen Box:

about my day, and I think about what things do I want to get accomplished.

Stephen Box:

And it's my strategic time.

Stephen Box:

And for me that's really helped a lot because it allows me that by the time

Stephen Box:

I start to really wake up, by the time my body starts to really come into full

Stephen Box:

awareness, I already have a plan for the day and I'm ready to rock and roll.

Stephen Box:

If you're a morning person, then you know, maybe it's the opposite.

Stephen Box:

Maybe you need to have a plan already in place before you even

Stephen Box:

go to bed for what is your morning actually going to look like.

Stephen Box:

And I think that kind of goes back to what you said before where

Stephen Box:

we all are very similar, right?

Stephen Box:

It's we all need a plan a.

Stephen Box:

Routine that we use at night to help us get to bed.

Stephen Box:

And we also need a routine to get us up in the morning to get a great start.

Stephen Box:

So, you know, I always hear people talk about the importance of morning routines,

Stephen Box:

and I don't think we talk enough about the importance of nighttime routines,

Stephen Box:

and it's something that not only helps you get to sleep, but depending on

Stephen Box:

whether you are a morning person or a night owl, that's also your time to

Stephen Box:

make sure you're gonna get yourself off to a great start the next day.

Stephen Box:

So, you know,

Lee Eldridge:

there's, you know, just see three simple questions

Lee Eldridge:

is like, what happened today?

Lee Eldridge:

What went well today?

Lee Eldridge:

What didn't go well today and what can I improve?

Lee Eldridge:

Just asking those three simple questions.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and that's a little bit where kind of Covid has, or the pandemic has

Lee Eldridge:

hindered people a little bit because it was a great opportunity, for example,

Lee Eldridge:

when you're commuting back from the office or work or whatever, just to

Lee Eldridge:

run, play that out in your, in your brain before you kind of step in.

Lee Eldridge:

To your next, right?

Lee Eldridge:

I'm a dad, or whatever it might be.

Lee Eldridge:

But obviously now with lots of people working from home, you don't have

Lee Eldridge:

that commute, you don't have that kind of de-stress kind of bookend

Lee Eldridge:

the day and nine times outta 10, you might roll into the room next door

Lee Eldridge:

to you with all this stress going on.

Lee Eldridge:

So one thing I do encourage people to do is kind of a false commute.

Lee Eldridge:

Whether that's just, you know, walk around the block or whatever it

Lee Eldridge:

might be, just get out the house.

Lee Eldridge:

And walk for 10 minutes, go through that in your head and then come

Lee Eldridge:

back in and you're like, right, okay, now I'm into the next pillar.

Lee Eldridge:

I'm not gonna think about that one.

Lee Eldridge:

And again, once you start to think about business, when you, when you know that

Lee Eldridge:

you probably shouldn't be thinking about business, you create that awareness.

Lee Eldridge:

You are like, right, okay, look, I'll leave that till tomorrow.

Lee Eldridge:

I'll push that back to tomorrow, basically.

Lee Eldridge:

Because, you know, look at the, the amazing books where people on their,

Lee Eldridge:

on their deathbeds are like, right.

Lee Eldridge:

What do you wish you do more of?

Lee Eldridge:

Not many people say, well, I wish I worked harder or whatever.

Lee Eldridge:

Most people are like, right, I wish I would've spent more time

Lee Eldridge:

with my family or did this, or, you know, more exciting things.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

I think, uh, you know, this is a, a classic example.

Stephen Box:

You know, we just, uh, went through the, uh, the Christmas season not too long

Stephen Box:

ago and, you know, the, uh, the Christmas carols of very popular, uh, story been

Stephen Box:

made into like 17,000 movie versions, but it's kind of the same concept, right?

Stephen Box:

We're, we're, Scrooge has really dedicated his entire life to money and work.

Stephen Box:

And you know, the really, the idea isn't just, oh, you need to treat people better.

Stephen Box:

It's that life is about more than just money at work.

Stephen Box:

It's about the connection that you have with other people.

Stephen Box:

It's about what you can accomplish in the world outside of finances.

Stephen Box:

And I think that's a really, a great lesson for all of

Stephen Box:

us to kind of take to heart.

Lee Eldridge:

Well, yeah, you know, I think the, I.

Lee Eldridge:

Present, I think is that, you know, they go to the grave and

Lee Eldridge:

it's like, right, you can't take your money to the grave, basically.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

It's, you know, it's the relationships that you create with the people and

Lee Eldridge:

so yeah, it's a good, it's a good kind of thought process to have.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And I think for, for so many people, it's.

Stephen Box:

It's also tied into our societal norms, right?

Stephen Box:

I, I know there's a lot of dads out there that feel I have to be

Stephen Box:

the support for the family, right?

Stephen Box:

I have to be the financial support for the family, and that makes work, or your

Stephen Box:

business or whatever, take on such a larger than life importance because now,

Stephen Box:

It's like, if I don't answer this email at 11 o'clock, if I don't get this customer

Stephen Box:

that answer right now, in the next five seconds, they're gonna take their business

Stephen Box:

somewhere else and they're going to leave and I'm going to fail and everything's

Stephen Box:

gonna be horrible and my family's gonna starve and we're gonna be homeless.

Stephen Box:

Right.

Stephen Box:

It's like we, we just, we go there.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

I mean, it's just, it's, it is what it is.

Stephen Box:

So, you know, real quick, could you maybe just kind of touch on.

Stephen Box:

If you have that kind of fear around letting go of some of the business,

Stephen Box:

setting some boundaries with your time, uh, what, what's one tip you can

Stephen Box:

maybe give guys to help out with that?

Lee Eldridge:

Um, it, it, it's, it's really to try and think about right.

Lee Eldridge:

Your, your, your vision and like, right, where do I want to be?

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and that's a bit of a, a key thing basically.

Lee Eldridge:

So once you have this idea of.

Lee Eldridge:

Kind of your boundaries.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and if it's not a definite yes, then it's a no.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah, I think that's hugely it, right?

Lee Eldridge:

If it's not, yes, it's no.

Lee Eldridge:

And it's quite a simple thing to do.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and it goes back again to, there's a great book called If

Lee Eldridge:

It Makes the Boat Go Faster, and it's a story about a rowing team.

Lee Eldridge:

The uk and they weren't performing very well and they all kind of got together

Lee Eldridge:

and they made this term, it's like if the boat does it, make the boat go faster.

Lee Eldridge:

And every single decision that they made, they asked that question.

Lee Eldridge:

So, you know, if we, after training, if we go out as a group and have a few beers,

Lee Eldridge:

is it gonna make the boat go faster?

Lee Eldridge:

No.

Lee Eldridge:

Right.

Lee Eldridge:

We're not gonna do it.

Lee Eldridge:

So what I mean by that is it's like right, lots of things that we do.

Lee Eldridge:

Not actually kind of move us forward in there.

Lee Eldridge:

And that's external things that are, that are pushing the pressure on.

Lee Eldridge:

I think that's a big thing, a big learning from myself is

Lee Eldridge:

that what's the driver for me?

Lee Eldridge:

Mm-hmm.

Lee Eldridge:

Because comparisons to Thief for joy as we know, and all the things that

Lee Eldridge:

come about, but it's like Right.

Lee Eldridge:

Okay.

Lee Eldridge:

Where do I see myself and where do I want, want to be?

Lee Eldridge:

And by asking yourself that one question, you know, if

Lee Eldridge:

it's not a yes, then it's a no.

Lee Eldridge:

It really, it really helps me, basically, in terms of the decisions

Lee Eldridge:

that I make from a day-to-day

Stephen Box:

point of view.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And, and I love that 'cause it's like, you know what if right now, if your

Stephen Box:

focus is on business and, and that is the most important thing right now.

Stephen Box:

Then those yes, no que questions go to that.

Stephen Box:

If right now your goal is to become a better father, then

Stephen Box:

your yes no questions go to that.

Stephen Box:

Right?

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

It allows you to really focus on that thing that's the most important.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, I spend a lot of time in offices and you know,

Lee Eldridge:

free spaces where, or coworking spaces, and I look around and, you

Lee Eldridge:

know, no disrespect to these people.

Lee Eldridge:

A lot of people are wasting time.

Lee Eldridge:

Mm-hmm.

Lee Eldridge:

You know, it's like, Uh, you know, pinging pong tables, pool tables in offices.

Lee Eldridge:

I'm like, what?

Lee Eldridge:

What, what are you doing?

Lee Eldridge:

I'm like, right.

Lee Eldridge:

Get in, get focused.

Lee Eldridge:

Have a goal.

Lee Eldridge:

Work hard to, to do it.

Lee Eldridge:

Take breaks, but then work hard, take breaks, then work hard, then go home.

Lee Eldridge:

Be a dad.

Lee Eldridge:

Really hard.

Lee Eldridge:

Take breaks really hard, but, and then there you go.

Lee Eldridge:

It's like, you know, it's like people going to a gym without a program.

Lee Eldridge:

They walk in the gym and they're like, Hmm, what am I gonna do today?

Lee Eldridge:

And you're a bit like, yeah, you know what?

Lee Eldridge:

Machines free.

Lee Eldridge:

Whereas I'm like, right, go into a gym, five or six exercises,

Lee Eldridge:

35, 40 minutes, train hard.

Lee Eldridge:

Get it done, recover well train hard and that's, and you know, rinse and rinse,

Lee Eldridge:

repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat.

Lee Eldridge:

And then a year's time look back and be like, oh, hey, up.

Lee Eldridge:

This is how it's gonna be.

Lee Eldridge:

So it's gonna be tough.

Lee Eldridge:

You're not gonna like it.

Lee Eldridge:

You're gonna have to be very disciplined to a certain degree.

Lee Eldridge:

You're gonna have to say no to a lot of things.

Lee Eldridge:

To say yes to thing.

Lee Eldridge:

But for me, that's.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

Yeah.

Stephen Box:

And I think that's really good advice, man.

Stephen Box:

Uh, Lee, I know we're kind of bumping up on, on time for you here.

Stephen Box:

Uh, you had a couple questions that you wanted to kind of give people that

Stephen Box:

will help them figure out what is that thing they should be focusing on first?

Stephen Box:

Uh, you wanna go and share those real quick?

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

So I think that, but what we just touched on there was,

Lee Eldridge:

is, is, you know, is it a yes?

Lee Eldridge:

And if no, it's a no.

Lee Eldridge:

What, what's a yes for me and what's a no for for me?

Lee Eldridge:

And then, you know, also, is it where I see myself going?

Lee Eldridge:

Mm-hmm.

Lee Eldridge:

Is it in line with the person that I am?

Lee Eldridge:

So my values and ultimately, is it what I want to be doing as my purpose?

Lee Eldridge:

So for me, kind of visions, values, and purpose are the big area that

Lee Eldridge:

push people to, to go forward and do what they're gonna do.

Lee Eldridge:

Yeah.

Lee Eldridge:

And once you start to do that, all the decisions that you need to make, if

Lee Eldridge:

they're covered in those three and it's a good decision, you move forward basically.

Stephen Box:

Love it man.

Stephen Box:

Tho those are, uh, really good and I just wanna kind of point out to people.

Stephen Box:

That this is not just things you're saying.

Stephen Box:

You've actually kind of lived this out today because when we first got on,

Stephen Box:

you kind of set the boundaries saying, Hey look, I need to be off by this time

Stephen Box:

because I have something that I need to do in my, in my role as dad, right?

Stephen Box:

Yeah, exactly.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, yeah.

Stephen Box:

But why you were here, you weren't thinking about that.

Stephen Box:

You were locked into, let me be present in this moment to making sure that I'm

Stephen Box:

delivering value to the audience and to the listeners out there, and then.

Stephen Box:

It's like, okay, now we've finished this, and that's like, you're

Stephen Box:

gonna switch it into dad mode and you're gonna be able to go do that.

Stephen Box:

So, uh, I just wanted to kind of share with people that you're not just

Stephen Box:

seeing these things, you are living them out in real time in the moment.

Stephen Box:

Yes.

Stephen Box:

We're doing, trying,

Lee Eldridge:

trying to, every day's a school day, unfortunately, or fortunately,

Lee Eldridge:

depending on how you look at it.

Stephen Box:

Yes.

Stephen Box:

Uh, so definitely appreciate your time today.

Stephen Box:

Uh, if you could, you're welcome.

Stephen Box:

Share with people real quick if they want to connect with you and learn

Stephen Box:

more about you, how can they do

Lee Eldridge:

that?

Lee Eldridge:

So LinkedIn's the best.

Lee Eldridge:

I'm, I'm on LinkedIn from a business dad's point of view, so it's just my name,

Lee Eldridge:

Lee Eldridge and my face will pop up.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and website is Cognitive Athletes.

Lee Eldridge:

That's ww cognitive athlete co uk.

Lee Eldridge:

Um, and I'll send you over the details and you can share them with your audience.

Lee Eldridge:

But thanks for having me on.

Lee Eldridge:

It's been, it's been good fun.

Stephen Box:

Yeah, definitely appreciate it and that I will post

Stephen Box:

your links also in the show notes for anyone who couldn't, uh, catch them.

Stephen Box:

They will be available to you there.

Stephen Box:

Uh, so this is Stephen Box and I want to thank my, uh, guest today,

Stephen Box:

Lee Eldridge, and remind everyone that none of us are born Unshakable.

Stephen Box:

We can all become Unshakable.

Lee Eldridge:

Thank you for listening to the Unshakable Habits

Lee Eldridge:

Podcast with Coach Stephen Box.

Lee Eldridge:

Be sure to hit the subscribe button and help us spread the word by

Lee Eldridge:

sharing the podcast with other men.

Lee Eldridge:

If you are ready to create Unshakable habits, you can learn more and connect

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