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The Greatest Growth factor in All Areas of Life - The Demartini Show
Episode 13824th June 2022 • The Demartini Show • Dr John Demartini
00:00:00 00:24:49

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The power of unconditional love is unsurpassed in its power to transform your life. How much you value yourself is determined by examining all 7 areas of life. You grow every time you're grateful for yourself and your life as it is - without any desire for change. Learn how you can use the power of love to increase your capacity to manifest new opportunities and resources to fulfill what you envision in all areas of life.

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Transcripts

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And if you're not having a tear of gratitude on a daily basis,

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you're probably accumulating subconscious baggage without realizing it.

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And then weighing you down and gravitationally pulling you down,

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instead of liberating yourself and radiating outward.

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First I'm going to describe the seven areas of life that I'm going to address,

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I believe that each individual,

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and this is something I've been working on since I was 18, 19, 20 even,

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each individual has the potential to expand and empower

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these seven areas, our spiritual quest, our mind development quest,

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which is making a contribution with our ingenious mind,

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our business quest, our financial quest,

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our relationship family quest, our social leadership and influence quest,

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our physical wealth, physical health and wellbeing quest.

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And so all of these areas we can empower.

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And any areas of life we don't empower, other people tend to overpower.

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But then also what I'd like to define, those are the seven areas,

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I'd like to define love for a moment.

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This is something that'll probably twist your brain a bit.

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Most people probably think of love as some sort of a romantic

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infatuation that occurs in the time you meet somebody and maybe have a long term

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relationship with 'em eventually,

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but I'm going to define love as the synthesis

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and synchronicity of all possible complementary

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opposites. Hmm.

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The synthesis and synchronicity of all possible complementary opposites.

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Now let me elaborate on that so we can put that into context.

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It's when you meet somebody and you infatuate with them,

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you're conscious of their upsides,

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but you're blind and ignoring and unconscious of some of the

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downsides. And you have now an impulse to seek them out.

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You get a dopamine and oxytocin and vasopressin and enkephalin surge.

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And you, you know, you now are attracted to them.

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And many times people think, oh my God, I love this person.

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And they're really in a dopamine rush.

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And they're in kind of an infatuation puppy love state.

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And many people confuse that with love. And that is an infatuation,

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you're blind to something, you're not seeing the whole.

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And some people have even said, ignorantly in my opinion,

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that love is blind. I don't believe love is blind. I think infatuation is blind,

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confused with love.

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We also have times when we resent somebody and want to avoid them,

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and we now have an instinct to avoid them, withdraw from them.

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And now we're conscious of the downside and unconscious of the upside.

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And now we have, we're ignorant of the upside, blind to the upside,

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and now we are avoiding them.

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And sometimes the more we were infatuated with them,

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the more we can set up a fantasy about who they're going to be,

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the more they don't live up to it and then the more we resent them,

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because we're comparing them to our fantasy and they can't win.

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And so now we resent them and now we're unconscious of the other one.

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So we were subjectively biased when we are infatuated and subjectively biased

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now when we resent them, and we go through this kind of bipolar response.

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And many people start out that way in relationships and eventually it settles

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and eventually come to the center and they realize, okay,

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there's things I like and things I dislike about 'em and you finally realize I

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love the person. But when you see both sides,

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you end up appreciating and seeing how both are actually serving you.

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The things that you resent also have contribution to your life too.

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Sometimes it make you grow up and mature and tackle things and stimulate

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activities and growth. So you need both, you know,

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when we are seeking something, it represents in our amygdala a prey, food.

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And when we're avoiding something it represents in our amygdala, predator,

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something that can eat us. So the desire for food and the fear of loss of that,

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which is starvation,

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and the desire to avoid the predator and the fear of being eaten,

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those are the basic driving impulses and instincts that cause this impulse to

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be infatuated and this instinct to be resentful.

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And these are survival mentalities, confused with love and hate.

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And very commonly you see in the literature love and

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But I'd like to think of it as infatuation, resentment,

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or admiration and despise, as the two components of love.

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You want to hug them and slug them, attract, repel.

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And I believe that true love is the synthesis and synchronicity

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of both of those. You need both to grow.

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And if you got prey without predator,

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you'd get fat and gluttonous and you wouldn't be fit.

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And you would then attract predator to eat you because you got more calories per

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bite. And if you had predator without prey,

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you would end up being emaciated and starve and you would not be fit.

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You wouldn't have any energy. So you need both in balance,

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that's why we have a food chain in our ecosystems to make sure that we get

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both, because maximum growth and development occurs at

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challenge, things you like and dislike. You need both to grow,

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kind of a peace and war mechanism, and the attraction repulsion.

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Even love making is a combination of attraction and repulsion

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if you look at the actual physiological aspect.

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So if I was to go up to you and I said, you're always nice, never mean,

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and you're infatuated with somebody, you'd be blind to the downsides.

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And they would immediately go, well, that's not so,

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their intuition would point out some of their downsides and think of when they

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were being mean. And if you said, well, they're always mean, they're never nice,

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and you have these absolute languages, then their intuition would saying, no,

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that's not true.

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And so these are exaggerated labels that we put on people when we're

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subjectively biased and we're in survival mode and we're not really seeing

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what's actually there. But if I said to somebody, sometimes they're nice,

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sometimes they're mean, sometimes they're kind, sometimes they're cruel,

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sometimes they're positive, sometimes negative, sometimes peaceful,

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sometimes wrathful, they would immediately go, Yep, that's true.

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And that's true about our own lives, if we look carefully.

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I'm not a nice person all the time. I'm not a mean person all the time.

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I'm an individual with a set of values. If you support my values, I can be nice.

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You can challenge my values, I can be mean. Nice as a pussycat, mean as a tiger.

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So I'm both.

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To love somebody is to embrace both sides of their nature.

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So I define that as a synthesis of those pairs of opposites.

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The same thing in our career path.

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If we have goals that are skewed to one side and they're fantasies,

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and we're blind to the downsides, we'll get smacked by the reality,

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because we haven't mitigated any risk.

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And so we'll have the predator of that side attack us.

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But if we embrace an objective that has both sides,

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objectivity means balanced and neutral and both sidedness vs a fantasy of

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one sidedness and infatuation with an idea,

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and then we find out we're not prepared for it, the realities of it.

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But if we embrace both sides, we get to do what we love. In fact,

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when you're doing something you love,

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you embrace the pleasures and the pains in the pursuit of it.

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When you're doing something you're infatuated with,

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you want to avoid the pain and you want to avoid all the things you dislike.

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And if you're not pursuing challenges that inspire you,

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you keep attracting challenges that don't,

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because you keep pursuing the support side without the challenge side.

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And many people want to support group,

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but they need the challenge group to grow. In fact,

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the challenges make you precociously independent,

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the support group can make you dependent. So you need both to grow.

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That's the first principle. And that's been shown in chaos theory.

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It's been shown in evolutionary biology. It's been shown in, in your own life

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if you just open your eyes and look.

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So I'm going to define love as a synthesis and synchronicity of opposites.

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Because actually if you look carefully, right now,

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we have a classical example going on, we have Russia attacking,

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but we also have many other countries supporting,

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it's the challenge and support that's going on in the dynamic.

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And actually both sides make up the love process.

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If you see one without the other, you're blind to one side.

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Wisdom is seeing both sides simultaneously. Wilhelm Wundt,

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the father of modern psychology along with William James,

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those two are kind of the fathers of it.

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He said that there is simultaneous contrast and sequential contrast.

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When you see a positive without a negative,

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and then later see a negative without a positive, that's a sequential contrast.

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When you see simultaneous contrast, both at the same time, you're poised,

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you're present, you're literally in the center and unreactive.

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You're not in your amygdala.

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You automatically go into the executive function where you have self-governance,

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self mastery. And that's leads to the very topic today.

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When you actually embrace both sides of life simultaneous,

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and are poised and present, you don't react to the external world,

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you act upon what inspires you from within. You know,

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I said about 16 years ago on the movie, The Secret,

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when the voice and the vision on the inside is louder than all the opinions on

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the outside, you begin to master your life. Well,

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that's what happens when you're actually in the state of equilibrium.

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I've been teaching a Breakthrough Experience program,

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which is a seminar that I've done for many, many years, and in there,

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one of the questions we ask in the Demartini Method is asking,

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go to a moment where and when you perceive this individual that you resent,

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that you're resenting some trait of,

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go to a moment when they displayed or demonstrated that behavior that you

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resented. Great. Where are you? When are you? To make your present.

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And then exactly what did they do and exactly what was the context of what they

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were doing? What was driving it? And then exactly who were they doing it to?

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And then in that exact moment, who was doing the opposite?

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And to the people's dismay they're first they're going, wait a minute,

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I had this reality that this terrible thing happened to me and I resented them

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for it.

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And all of a sudden they realized that there was somebody playing the opposite

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role. There was an opposite going on at the same time, a contrast,

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simultaneous contrast. And when they see that they go, whoa,

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there was a challenger and there was a supporter.

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There was somebody trying to tell me a lie,

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there was somebody telling me the truth.

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Somebody trying to take something from me, somebody being generous.

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And I was infatuated with the generous, and are now resenting this part.

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The more you are infatuated with one side, the more you resent the other.

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In fact, if you look in the brain,

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every time you infatuate with a behavior of somebody,

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you're going to resent it's opposite.

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And every time you resent a trait in somebody you're

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opposite. The more you polarize that, the more it controls you.

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Because anything you infatuate with or resent, runs your life.

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And you're basically ungoverned from within and you're now run from without.

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And people that are run from without are disempowered and overruled by the world

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around them. And people that are run from within, govern the world around them.

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If you're not governing yourself from within, you get governed from without.

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If you don't even listen to your physiology and psychology,

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you end up sociologically or theologically being run from the outside,

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controlled from the outside, from politics or religions,

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instead of actually having self-governance and realize that there is a pair of

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opposites that's love, in your life. So what I do is I show them the opposite.

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And I take the trait where they infatuate, where it was and when it was,

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and what's the content and context and who they're doing to.

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And I show them that at that moment,

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whoever that's being done to the opposite is there.

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And at first they've never thought about that.

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They just assume their reality was the whole picture.

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Anytime you're infatuated and you're unconscious of the downsides,

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or resentful and unconscious of the upsides you're not mindful and not fully

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conscious.

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But if I ask you the questions that make you aware of both sides simultaneous,

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you now become centered, poised, present, mindful.

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And from that position, you are the most empowered. In fact, if you look at it,

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the synthesis and synchronicity of these complementary opposite experiences is

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what I define love. And what's interesting why I define it as love,

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after taking oh a hundred and something thousand people through that process and

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having 'em showing these synchronicities and showing them these pairs of

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opposites, the moment I do that,

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a tear of gratitude comes out because now their authentic self sees the whole,

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their whole mindful. See if you infatuate with

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somebody you're going to minimize yourself to them,

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because you're going to be too humble to admit what you see in them is inside

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you. When you resent somebody, you exaggerate yourself

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well, I'm too proud to admit what I see in them inside me.

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And so when you're minimizing yourself or exaggerating yourself,

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you're not being yourself.

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And when you're not being yourself and you're judging yourself and other people,

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you're not empowered because now they're running you and your facades are

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running you instead of you running you. But the moment I ask these questions,

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which is what I ask in the Demartini Method at the Breakthrough Experience,

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and what I ask in my program called synchronicity,

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where I actually teach people how to transform these subconsciously stored

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emotional, sequential contrast,

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and help them see the simultaneous contrast and be liberated. And that,

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that information,

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when you go to a point where you see now the wisdom of both sides,

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the instantaneous recognition that there's two sides,

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and the love that comes out of it, tears of gratitude,

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the heart feels like it opens, and all of a sudden you're present.

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And that love is the synchronicity and the complementation of

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opposites. The simultaneity of opposites. In that moment,

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you're not infatuated or resentful. You're just poised.

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And when you're infatuated,

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you got noise in the brain and you're in bondage to that,

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it's occupying space and time in your mind. When you're resentful,

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it's occupying space and time in your mind. But when you're poised,

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you occupy your mind, not those things out there that you're misperceiving. Now,

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if you take that into the mental area,

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what stops us from mental genius is actually this vacillation noise in the

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brain. It's almost like we have a signal from our own inner voice,

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and we end up with noise around, blocking the signal.

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So the noise to signal ratio of our receptivity of our inspirations in life

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are blocked.

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And we end up not having the confidence because you can never have confidence of

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the positive without the negative or the negative without positive,

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that you can have the confidence that you're both.

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You're absolutely certain you have both sides,

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but you're not certain you're always positive or always negative.

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So your certainty level goes up. Your noise in the brain goes down.

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You're more inspired because whatever is really objectively perceived.

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See when you live by your highest values and live by priority,

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you wake up the executive function, you wake up objectivity,

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you see both sides more efficiently, and you're now able to live more fully.

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And your brain moves into the forebrain where it has foresight and has wisdom

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and has mastery and self-governance and spontaneously inspired action.

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And you end up having the most powerful mind capacity.

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And in business when you're more objective and you're not infatuated or

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resentful and you're not narcissistically proud or shamedand minimizing yourself

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altruistically, when you're there, you're in the most sustainable fair exchange.

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So your business flourishes when you're in that state,

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when you see pairs of opposites.

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They say that leaders of businesses and leaders of organizations,

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when they can see the complementation of opposites,

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that's when they're most empowered, when they can embrace both sides,

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not get infatuated with the over worker and resent the under worker,

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but know how to manage both of them to bring 'em into maximum performance.

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But as long as we are infatuated or resentful, the world around us runs us.

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So in business, if we puff ourselves up and we look down and resent somebody,

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we'll not listen to our customer or our staff,

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and we'll have chaos and customers that don't won't want our business.

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And if we're altruistically minimizing ourself and putting people on pedestals,

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we'll have anarchy in the business and we'll sacrifice our profits.

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So by having objectivity and seeing both sides, simultaneously,

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we poise ourself and present ourself to allow maximum business development.

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And in our financials, as Warren Buffet says,

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until you can manage your emotions, don't expect to manage money.

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People that don't have foresight and strategies of the executive function and

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are impulsively gambling with things and looking for a quick fix,

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usually do not end up with a cash flow. That's the majority of people,

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they don't really have a high value on wealth building,

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they don't have it where they're more objective,

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and so they're volatiley impulsively going with whatever the thinking is,

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and by the time everybody's excited about something it's too late to make a

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profit.

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And then when people are resentful to something and have greed or fear cycles,

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then they end up losing their money. So until you can manage your emotions,

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don't expect to manage money. So your wealth potential is enhanced by love.

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Love's the synthesis and synchronous of opposites,

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where you're poised and present as I said. The same thing in relationship,

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if you're infatuated with them,

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you're going to sacrifice for them until you eventually resent that.

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And if you're resenting them,

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you're going to sacrifice them until they resent that.

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But if you actually have an equilibrium and you can see simultaneously both

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sides, the synchronicity of opposites,

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you actually can appreciate and love them for both sides.

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And you can see that both serve.

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You see the very thing that challenges you also makes you grow and expand and

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makes you resilient and creative. You need both sides simultaneously to grow.

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And if you can see both sides, you're untouched,

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and you're not having these volatile swings in relationships that drive people

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nuts, the drama and all the emotional crazies that come with it.

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And when it comes to leadership,

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don't expect to lead as Robert Greene describes in his 48 laws,

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don't expect to lead if you can't manage your own emotions. In fact,

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the executive center is also called the governing center and the gratitude

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center in the brain. And one who can govern their own emotions,

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the forebrain and the executive center, the media prefrontal cortex,

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sends fibers down to the amygdala and calms down with glutamate and GABA,

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the transmitters, and calms down the brain,

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the amygdala from these impulses and instincts,

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these subjectively biased interpretations of reality.

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So all of a sudden you wake up leadership capacities.

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You're more clear by an inspired vision, which is the executive center.

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You're more spontaneously acting. You don't need motivation from the outside,

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which is a sign of a follower instead of a leader. And you're more governed.

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So love is the growth factor when it comes to society's leadership roles.

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And physiologically, when you're in a state of love,

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your autonomic nervous system, the sympathetic, which is fight or flight,

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and the parasympathetic, which is rest and digest, feed,

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they automatically are in poise and balance.

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The heart rate variability is expanded, your resilience and adaptability.

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See when you're neutral and you're got simultaneous contrast,

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you're not fearing the loss of that which you're infatuating,

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you're not fearing the gain of that which you're resenting,

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you're not being impulsive or instinctual, you're being inspired and intuitive.

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And in that state is where your physiology rallies,

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that's when the cytokines from the pro and the anti-inflammatory hormones come

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into balance, which normalizes, that's when your microbiome comes into balance,

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physiological. That's when you actually maximize your potential.

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So your physiology is maximizing the state of love.

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That's why love is still the greatest of all healers.

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I wrote a book called Count Your Blessings,

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The Healing Power of Gratitude and Love. And I believe that that is true,

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that is one of the greatest healers on the planet.

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So physiologically love is great empowerment.

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Psychologically in the mind, love is the great neutralizer of the noise.

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It helps you lead, doing something you love and loving what you do,

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people that are that way don't need to be externally motivated to do it.

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And they're inspired. And those are the leaders. And inspiration,

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when you stop and think about it, I think most people,

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even in their spiritual quest will acknowledge love and equanimity.

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Equanimity means balanced mind.

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That means you see both sides simultaneously or synchronously.

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Carl Jung described when you bring the conscious and unconscious together,

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and you become fully conscious, you have synchronicity.

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An acausal synchronicity. That means you're not blaming

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that caused my pain and that causes my pleasure and you're lost in the external

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world, in the Buddhist construct, the karmic world,

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you're now in the dharmic world,

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you're in the place of you're feeling that you're pursuing a path of

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inspiration, doing what you love and loving what you do.

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So I just wanted to go around the seven areas of life and show how the

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synchronicity and synthesis of pairs of opposites in the mind,

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when you actually see both of 'em simultaneously, you

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you might say the subconscious mind, which is where all the noise is stored,

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every time you see one side without the other,

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you store that in the subconscious mind, which is all the noise in the brain.

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And every time you synthesize and synchronize it and see both sides,

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you store that in the superconscious mind, which is the

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transcendent state that Immanual Kant described. And in this state,

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this is where you have super consciousness.

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This is where you have spiritual consciousness,

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this is where you have cosmic consciousness,

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this is where you have a mindfulness state, and this is where we actually act,

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not react. And so all seven areas of life can be empowered through love.

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Love is a synthesis and synchronous of opposites.

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And that's why the reason I teach the Breakthrough Experience,

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to teach the Demartini Method,

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to show you how to bring the subconsciously stored

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balance.

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So you can be able to have appreciation love for no matter what's happened in

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your life. Ultimately,

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everything in your life is guiding you to something profound in your life,

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magnificent in the path in life that's unique to you,

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according to your highest value in life.

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And the synchronicity is the synthesis and the synchronicity of opposites,

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is the ability to ask questions.

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Cause the quality of your life is based on the quality of the questions you ask,

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ask questions that allow you to see both sides of every event.