How Lifelong Lovers Cherish Each Other Differently -

It is easy to look at someone else’s business, family, house, or marriage and decide ours is not enough. The longer we stay in that comparison, the blinder we get to the good that is already ours. In this episode we talk about cherishing as the practice that brings us back.

We look at what cherishing actually means, why it is harder to name seven things we value than seven things we want changed, and the habits that work against us: entitlement, comparison, and the hedonic treadmill. We also walk through the Gottman fondness and admiration questions, and we talk about why cherishing asks for vulnerability, humility, and a different relationship to the differences that once drew us together.

Cherishing will not fix contempt or a destructive pattern. It can help a long-term relationship feel like a place that gives life, instead of a life we are only managing.

In this episode

• Why comparison takes our attention away from our own life
• What it actually takes to have a cherishing relationship, and why capable is not the same as willing
• Why most of us can list grievances faster than we can list what we cherish
• Entitlement as a survival habit that costs us in marriage
• The hedonic treadmill, and what it does not mean
• A story about what becomes visible only after a loss
• The Gottman fondness and admiration self-check, and how to read the score
• Vulnerability, resentment, and humility
• Why you do not have to wait for your spouse to go first

A place to start this week

Name one specific good thing before the day gets away from you, and say it out loud.

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