Shownotes
The mission: steal a diamond figurine. The team: a squirrel, a raccoon, a porcupine, and a red panda. No opposable thumbs? No problem for this band of furry thieves.
Today’s story is the first of two parts of “Diamond in the Rat” by Roan Rosser, author of Red Pandamonium, and you can find more of his work on RoanRosser.com.
Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/diamond-in-the-rat-by-roan-rosser-part-1-of-2
Transcripts
You’re listening to The Voice of
Speaker:Dog. I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,
Speaker:and Today’s story is the first of two parts of
Speaker:“Diamond in the Rat”
Speaker:by Roan Rosser, author of Red Pandamonium,
Speaker:and you can find more of his work on
Speaker:RoanRosser.com.
Speaker:Please enjoy “Diamond in the Rat”
Speaker:by Roan Rosser, Part 1
Speaker:of 2 “I’m bored,”
Speaker:I muttered into Max’s hair,
Speaker:tugging on the locks that I held like reins to make sure he heard me.
Speaker:This building was filled with nothing but old human stuff and the humans were taking their time
Speaker:examining every little thing.
Speaker:Who cared how much the couch cost?
Speaker:“Me too, Pog.” Max ruffled the fur of my tail. “But please stop pulling my hair like that. It hurts.”
Speaker:I flattened my ears.
Speaker:Who was he to tell me what to do?
Speaker:I yanked up as hard as I could.
Speaker:Max yelped and jerked his head down.
Speaker:I tumbled head over paws, landing on my back
Speaker:on something soft and springy,
Speaker:momentarily losing my breath.
Speaker:Breathing was important.
Speaker:The first thing I’d learned when I’d woken up with a physical form earlier this month.
Speaker:“Stop goofing off,”
Speaker:Roderick said, crossing his arms
Speaker:and looking down his nose at me as I scrambled to my paws.
Speaker:Roderick was Max’s older brother.
Speaker:He looked a lot like Max
Speaker:—short brown hair,
Speaker:dark eyes, sharp features
Speaker:—except Roderick scowled more.
Speaker:I don’t think he liked me much, but the feeling was mutual.
Speaker:I stuck out my tongue at him.
Speaker:“I’m bored,” I repeated,
Speaker:climbing up onto the back of the sofa I’d landed on.
Speaker:“Careful, Pog, don’t scratch the leather.
Speaker:We can’t afford to pay damages if you ruin
Speaker:it.” Ynes picked me up by my armpits and set me at her feet.
Speaker:Her, I liked. She had curly dark hair, and wore skirts.
Speaker:She was a witch. “I told you we should have shopped at the thrift store,”
Speaker:Max said. Roderick’s eyes widened, and he
Speaker:audibly gasped. “I will not stoop to buying other people’s cast offs.”
Speaker:“Dude, how is this any different?”
Speaker:Max made a broad gesture with both arms at the store we were in.
Speaker:“These are antiques.
Speaker:They’re vintage.” Max rolled his eyes and turned towards me.
Speaker:Ynes stifled a laugh with one hand,
Speaker:her eyes sparkling with mirth behind her glasses.
Speaker:“Only poor people shop at thrift stores,”
Speaker:Roderick said, his voice cracking at the word poor.
Speaker:“Which would be us,” Ynes said. “We are technically homeless until we can move into our rental next week.”
Speaker:Roderick’s scowl deepened.
Speaker:He turned and stalked off
Speaker:without another word.
Speaker:Max watched him go with a pained expression,
Speaker:and I felt his guilt
Speaker:mixed with empathy
Speaker:through our familiar bond.
Speaker:“Ynes, don’t poke him like that,”
Speaker:Max whispered to her.
Speaker:“You know how hard this has been on him.
Speaker:We’ll humor him here for another hour, then tomorrow you and I can go hit up the thrift stores without him.
Speaker:Rod doesn’t have to know where the furniture came from.”
Speaker:“Fine,” she said as Max reached for me,
Speaker:her eyes widening.
Speaker:She blocked his hands,
Speaker:then pointed at something hidden from my view behind the couch we stood in front of
Speaker:and mouthed a word to Max.
Speaker:He glanced that way
Speaker:and his eyes widened too.
Speaker:Max glanced around the empty shop.
Speaker:We were the only ones here except for a lone employee manning the cash register,
Speaker:her nose stuck in a book.
Speaker:He glanced down at me with a raised eyebrow.
Speaker:“You can walk around,
Speaker:but try not to break anything.”
Speaker:I padded off. Before I rounded the corner into the next aisle,
Speaker:Ynes said, “Maybe we could get eim one of those bubble backpacks, like for cats.
Speaker:Or a stroller.” “That would help save my shoulders,” Max said.
Speaker:“And my hair.” No way were they putting me in either of those.
Speaker:They’d learn. The aisle I entered had a variety of things in it:
Speaker:stuffed toys, statues, crystal animals, polished rocks, and more.
Speaker:The humans had passed it by because it didn’t contain any furniture,
Speaker:but I’d spotted something interesting:
Speaker:a basket full of tiny cars.
Speaker:From the other side of the shelf I heard Max say,
Speaker:“Good thing Pog didn’t see the toy electric cars.”
Speaker:Too late, I thought with a chuckle
Speaker:as I padded silently down the aisle, swiveling my head around as I looked for the wicker basket that held the cars.
Speaker:“Help me.” The faint cry was barely audible.
Speaker:I paused mid-step,
Speaker:paw in the air, and swiveled my ears around, trying to figure out where the voice had come from.
Speaker:If it was another human in the shop,
Speaker:I’d have to make sure they didn’t see me.
Speaker:But if they needed help,
Speaker:I should go get Max.
Speaker:“Help me.” The voice wasn’t yelling for help.
Speaker:It was more resigned, close to a whisper,
Speaker:like the speaker had repeated the words so often that they’d lost their meaning.
Speaker:My triangular ears pivoted towards the sound.
Speaker:Somewhere above me.
Speaker:That made sense, since humans were all so tall.
Speaker:Except I was alone in this dead-end aisle.
Speaker:I stood up onto my back legs.
Speaker:I didn’t do it often.
Speaker:It was hard to balance like this,
Speaker:but this gave me a better angle to see what was on the higher shelves.
Speaker:I spotted the side of the wicker basket that had the cars in it and forgot all about the voice.
Speaker:I tottered over the shelf,
Speaker:my long tail swaying behind me, helping to keep my balance.
Speaker:Stretching up as high as I could,
Speaker:my front paws barely touched the bottom edge of the basket.
Speaker:Dang, I’d have to go get Max to help me.
Speaker:Except, when I tried to pull my paws away, one of my blunt claws caught in the wicker.
Speaker:I tried to bat at the stuck paw with the other to un-stick it,
Speaker:only to catch a claw on that paw too.
Speaker:“Max, help!” I twisted and flailed, trying to get loose.
Speaker:My tail whipped around and hit the shelf, knocking off a bunch of human-shaped dolls with
Speaker:large creepy smiles on their plastic heads.
Speaker:My efforts were rewarded.
Speaker:I felt the basket shift.
Speaker:Max came around the corner just as it pulled free.
Speaker:Toy cars bounced off my head
Speaker:and scattered all over the floor.
Speaker:I staggered back,
Speaker:dragging the empty basket with me,
Speaker:my claws still stuck in the side,
Speaker:and fell over.
Speaker:“Pog…” he said with a sigh and knelt on the floor.
Speaker:I held still while he worked my claws free of the wicker mesh.
Speaker:“At least you didn’t break anything.”
Speaker:“I wanted to see the tiny cars.”
Speaker:“Next time, ask for some help, okay?”
Speaker:He didn’t sound angry that I’d found the cars that he hadn’t wanted me to see.
Speaker:He gathered up cars and dumped them back in the basket.
Speaker:I kept my paws on a purple convertible
Speaker:and a white sedan.
Speaker:Max set the full basket next to me and then
Speaker:cleaned up the dolls while I pushed the cars around.
Speaker:They didn’t roll very well, since the little wheels caught on the carpet.
Speaker:“Max, we’re leaving.” Ynes came around the corner with a slump-shouldered Roderick.
Speaker:“Alright.” Max tilted the basket at me.
Speaker:“Pog, put the cars back so we can go.”
Speaker:“This one looks like Kay’s old car.
Speaker:Except it’s purple.
Speaker:I want this one,” I said.
Speaker:I tried to pick it up, but my paw couldn’t close enough around it to get hold of it.
Speaker:Max glanced at the side of the basket.
Speaker:His eyes widened.
Speaker:“Ten dollars each?
Speaker:Are you kidding me?”
Speaker:He shook his head and took the cars from under my paws and returned them to the basket.
Speaker:“They’re only a dollar brand new,”
Speaker:he grumbled as he slid the basket back into place.
Speaker:I huffed and crossed my arms.
Speaker:Money, again. As he picked me up,
Speaker:Max said, “I’ll get you one next time I go grocery shopping.”
Speaker:I climbed onto Max’s shoulders
Speaker:and took hold of his hair.
Speaker:“Help me.” The voice was louder now,
Speaker:like it was right next to me,
Speaker:at Max’s head height.
Speaker:Max began walking away.
Speaker:“Max, we should help that person before we leave.”
Speaker:I tugged on his hair.
Speaker:“Help who, Pog?” Max stopped and turned around.
Speaker:“Didn’t you hear them?
Speaker:Go back into the aisle.”
Speaker:I kicked my back paws into his shoulders like the characters on the television did to horses.
Speaker:Max was my trusty mount, after all.
Speaker:He humored me and turned around.
Speaker:“Help me.” The cry was louder now,
Speaker:or I could hear it better.
Speaker:Now that I was this high up,
Speaker:I could see a lot more of the aisle than I could from the floor.
Speaker:Most of the bottom shelves were toys,
Speaker:and higher were more breakable things.
Speaker:The sound came from a case in the corner filled with crystal animals.
Speaker:“The glass case,” I said to Max
Speaker:and kicked my legs again to get him moving.
Speaker:He dutifully moved over to stand in front of it.
Speaker:I scanned the shelves that were
Speaker:now at my eye level and waited for the voice to ask for help again.
Speaker:The figurines sparkled in the sunlight coming in through the front window.
Speaker:“Help me.” The voice could have come from one of several figures there,
Speaker:but a sheen of color,
Speaker:like an oil slick,
Speaker:moved across one as I heard the voice.
Speaker:“There, the crystal statue of the rat,”
Speaker:I said. “That’s who’s just asked for help.”
Speaker:“Nobody said anything, Pog,”
Speaker:Max said. I couldn’t see his face from back here,
Speaker:but I felt the doubt in his words.
Speaker:“Yes, they did. That crystal rat is asking for help.”
Speaker:No need to point,
Speaker:it was the only rat statue there.
Speaker:Max held a hand up,
Speaker:pressing it lightly against the glass door.
Speaker:“I don’t feel any magic.”
Speaker:“Max, we said we’re leaving,”
Speaker:Roderick said, coming up behind us.
Speaker:“Coming,” Max said,
Speaker:dropping his hand and turning away from the case.
Speaker:“No, we need to help the rat!”
Speaker:I yanked hard on Max’s hair.
Speaker:“Ow!” Max said, reaching overhead
Speaker:and pulling me off.
Speaker:“Your shoulder privileges are revoked.” “What rat?”
Speaker:Roderick asked, looking back and forth between us as Max settled me into his arms.
Speaker:“You heard me? Help!
Speaker:Help!” The monotonous, defeated tone was gone.
Speaker:Now it was desperate
Speaker:and more urgent. “The crystal rat in the case.”
Speaker:I curled my long striped tail
Speaker:up around and tapped on the glass.
Speaker:“It’s asking for help.”
Speaker:“Do you feel anything?”
Speaker:Max asked, moving aside.
Speaker:Roderick had actual magic training,
Speaker:unlike Max. Roderick set his mouth
Speaker:and stood in front of the case for a moment.
Speaker:Then he turned away, shaking his head.
Speaker:“No. The panda watches too much television, that’s all.
Speaker:Let’s go.” Roderick walked away without waiting to see if Max followed him.
Speaker:“Max, get the rat. It needs help.”
Speaker:I wiggled around in his arms
Speaker:and pressed the top of my head into his chin.
Speaker:Humans loved that.
Speaker:“Pleeeeease?” I drew the word out, like human children do to their parents.
Speaker:“Let me see how much it is.”
Speaker:He sighed and shifted my weight to his left arm
Speaker:so he could pull on the case door to open it.
Speaker:But it rattled, stuck.
Speaker:“It’s locked.” He carried me over to the front desk
Speaker:and rapped on the counter to get the attention of the employee.
Speaker:The woman’s eyes widened when she saw me, just like everyone.
Speaker:“Is that a freaking red panda?”
Speaker:“It’s a plush,” Max said, giving the usual answer.
Speaker:I waved, just to mess with her.
Speaker:Max saw and grimaced.
Speaker:“Puppet. Anyway, the crystal rat in the glass case over there.
Speaker:How much?” “It’s not crystal, it’s diamond,” she said,
Speaker:and got a book out from under the counter.
Speaker:Under his breath, Max muttered,
Speaker:“Fuck.” I didn’t understand his distress.
Speaker:Crystal, diamond. What was the difference?
Speaker:They were both rocks.
Speaker:The employee flipped through the book a moment.
Speaker:“Here we are. Oh, looks like the owner will only sell them as a full set of twelve.
Speaker:No price listed. You’ll have to call her if you’re interested in purchasing them.”
Speaker:Max’s arm tightened around me.
Speaker:The employee pulled a card out of a holder next to the register
Speaker:and slid it across the counter to Max.
Speaker:Max didn’t pick it up.
Speaker:“Thanks.” Max turned and left.
Speaker:As the door closed behind us,
Speaker:I struggled. Max pinned me to his chest so hard I could barely breathe.
Speaker:“Max, you left without it!”
Speaker:I wailed. “We’re not getting the rat, Pog,”
Speaker:Max said as we joined Roderick and Ynes on the corner.
Speaker:“Rat?” Ynes repeated.
Speaker:The light changed, and they crossed the street,
Speaker:walking away from the store.
Speaker:I struggled harder,
Speaker:but Max kept two firm arms around me,
Speaker:pinning me to his chest.
Speaker:Sometimes I hated being so small.
Speaker:“Pog says it’s talking, but it doesn’t feel magical,”
Speaker:Roderick said. I glared at the back of his head.
Speaker:“I was going to buy it to humor eim,
Speaker:but they’re made out of diamond!
Speaker:And so expensive there’s not even a price listed.
Speaker:What the heck kind of antique store did you take us to, Roderick?”
Speaker:“A high-end one.” Roderick sniffed,
Speaker:sounding like Max had just said something completely outrageous.
Speaker:“Where else would we go?”
Speaker:I felt insulted that Max felt he needed to humor me,
Speaker:rather than believing me.
Speaker:“Why don’t you believe me?
Speaker:You said you couldn’t feel Ynes’ magical protection charm, either.”
Speaker:“That’s the whole point of a protection charm, Pog,” Ynes said. “The long and short of it is, even if it is asking for help, we can’t afford it.
Speaker:Why don’t you ask Sunny?”
Speaker:Max said. Humans and their money.
Speaker:“Fine.” # Sunny was the vampire we were crashing with right now.
Speaker:She owned a top-floor Penthouse condo in one of the new high-rises south of downtown.
Speaker:Nothing as nice as my old house, of course, but tolerable.
Speaker:Although it was only late afternoon when we got back,
Speaker:Sunny was already awake
Speaker:and playing on her laptop as she sat on the couch.
Speaker:I bounded out of the elevator,
Speaker:scrabbling a little on the tile in my excitement to reach her.
Speaker:I hit the side of the couch
Speaker:and climbed up and over the armrest.
Speaker:Sunny saw me coming
Speaker:and lifted the laptop up out of the way as I oozed into her lap.
Speaker:“Sunny, Sunny!” I stood on her legs and threw my paws around her neck.
Speaker:“Nice to see you too, Poggy.” Sunny set her laptop aside before petting my head and back.
Speaker:I stood there a moment,
Speaker:enjoying the attention and the way her hands ruffled my fur.
Speaker:After a few minutes,
Speaker:I asked, “Will you buy me something?
Speaker:Max said he couldn’t afford it.”
Speaker:I gave her the wide-eyed,
Speaker:cute look I’d been practicing in the mirror.
Speaker:“Of co—” Sunny began.
Speaker:“Ask eim what it is before you say yes!”
Speaker:Max called from the kitchen, cutting her off.
Speaker:Damn it, Max, I almost had her.
Speaker:Sunny pushed me out to arm’s length and gave me
Speaker:the look. I recognized it from when I was a house guardian,
Speaker:the look parents gave to naughty children.
Speaker:“What is it you want?”
Speaker:she asked in a deadpan tone.
Speaker:“A diamond rat.” “Not just that,”
Speaker:Max said, coming into the room wiping his hands on a dish towel.
Speaker:“You have to buy the whole set of twelve diamond animals.”
Speaker:Sunny choked and sputtered.
Speaker:Her fangs came down
Speaker:and her eyes turned red.
Speaker:“What!” she growled. “No,
Speaker:absolutely not.” “It was asking for help!”
Speaker:I wiggled from her grip and snuggled up to her chest.
Speaker:“Don’t you want to help it?”
Speaker:“No.” Sunny pried me off and dumped me on the floor.
Speaker:“I’ve already done my yearly charity by letting you all crash here.”
Speaker:“What’s the big deal? It’s just money,”
Speaker:I said, spreading my paws.
Speaker:I was still a bit hazy about
Speaker:where money came from.
Speaker:“Get a job,” Roderick said,
Speaker:sitting on the opposite side of the couch.
Speaker:He had a deep scowl on his face.
Speaker:“Then you’ll see.” “Maybe I will!”
Speaker:I got up on all fours and ran off to the bedroom to crawl under the bed.
Speaker:I curled up in a ball
Speaker:and buried my nose in my tail.
Speaker:No one believed me.
Speaker:But they hadn’t heard the anguish in the voice.
Speaker:I knew what it was like to be trapped.
Speaker:Unable to leave, abandoned by the family that created me.
Speaker:I would do anything to help them.
Speaker:Barnabas crawled up and chittered at me.
Speaker:He’s a squirrel and Ynes’ familiar.
Speaker:His sounds weren’t really words,
Speaker:but I could understand what he meant.
Speaker:Him, and the other animals.
Speaker:“There are ways other than money.”
Speaker:“Like what?” I uncurled enough to look at him over my tail.
Speaker:His big fluffy tail was curled into a question mark behind him.
Speaker:“We could steal it.”
Speaker:I considered this for a moment.
Speaker:Who was I kidding?
Speaker:Less than a moment.
Speaker:“Let’s do it.” I crawled out from under the bed, shaking dust from my fur,
Speaker:but then paused and looked back at Barnabas.
Speaker:“Wait, how? It’s in a locked case higher than I can reach.
Speaker:reach.” Barnabas sat next to me, arms clutched to his chest,
Speaker:tail and nose twitching.
Speaker:His eyes gleamed.
Speaker:“We’ll need help, but we’ll have to wait until after dark to go talk to her.”
Speaker:“Ooh, is she a vampire like Sunny?”
Speaker:Barnabas looked offended,
Speaker:wrinkling up his nose.
Speaker:“Don’t be absurd. You already know the humans won’t help.”
Speaker:We waited until the humans had all gone to bed for the night.
Speaker:Once I was sure they were all asleep,
Speaker:I tiptoed out of bed. Before we left the room, I took Ynes′ purse,
Speaker:dumping the contents out all over the floor.
Speaker:It was small enough I could carry it in my mouth.
Speaker:Once we retrieved the rat,
Speaker:I could carry it back in the bag.
Speaker:Sunny had gone out to the club after the sun went down, so with the humans in bed the condo was quiet and dark.
Speaker:Barnabas summoned the elevator by climbing the coat rack
Speaker:and leaping off of it to hit the call button.
Speaker:We snuck off the elevator,
Speaker:past the snoozing guard in the lobby,
Speaker:and out into the night.
Speaker:I felt a little thrill as my paws hit the pavement.
Speaker:I’d never been out alone before.
Speaker:Max had been worried about people thinking I’d escaped from the zoo, or stealing me,
Speaker:because he said red pandas were rare.
Speaker:I’d seen enough of people’s odd behavior when they thought I was just a realistic plush toy to understand his caution.
Speaker:But this mission was important.
Speaker:Barnabas chittered at me to follow
Speaker:and scampered off.
Speaker:I couldn’t respond with the bag handle clenched in my teeth,
Speaker:but I jerked my tail to show I understood.
Speaker:Crouched down low on all fours with my tail stretched behind me,
Speaker:I made a low profile.
Speaker:By sticking close to the buildings in the shadows,
Speaker:I stayed unnoticed by the few humans passing by in their cars.
Speaker:Sunny’s condo building
Speaker:was one of the few residential ones in this part of the town,
Speaker:with the rest being offices and restaurants that were empty after business hours,
Speaker:so the sidewalks were clear.
Speaker:Barnabas led the way into a small park
Speaker:that sat between two office buildings.
Speaker:A huge oak tree spread its branches over a circle of benches,
Speaker:grass, and flower beds.
Speaker:Dozens of yellow eyes blinked down at us from between the leaves.
Speaker:I followed Barnabas slowly,
Speaker:craning my head back to keep the watchers in view.
Speaker:A massive raccoon,
Speaker:the largest I’d ever seen,
Speaker:climbed down the trunk.
Speaker:They were longer and taller than me by a bit,
Speaker:though my tail was longer than hers.
Speaker:“Barnabas, darling!” she said, sitting in front of him on her back legs,
Speaker:her gray and black stripped tail
Speaker:lazily flicking behind her.
Speaker:“What brings you to see me and my humble family?”
Speaker:Like Barnabas, despite the lack of words,
Speaker:I understood the intent of what she said.
Speaker:“Well met, Deots,” Barnabas chittered.
Speaker:“We have a job that needs doing, and you were the first one I thought of.”
Speaker:“Oh? I’m flattered,
Speaker:but what is this job?”
Speaker:Her eyes flicked over Barnabas and settled on me as I joined him.
Speaker:I sat Ynes′ bag at my feet
Speaker:and regarded the raccoon. When I’d been a
Speaker:house spirit, after my humans had gone,
Speaker:leaving me abandoned and empty,
Speaker:raccoons had tried to move in several times.
Speaker:I’d always been able to scare them off within a few hours.
Speaker:They hadn’t intimidated me then,
Speaker:but now that I was the same size as them,
Speaker:and we were thoroughly outnumbered to boot,
Speaker:I found myself too scared to speak.
Speaker:After a few moments of silence, Barnabas answered for me.
Speaker:“My friend here is planning a heist. Do you
Speaker:want in?” “Depends. What’s the score?”
Speaker:Her eyes cut over to me, calculating and sharp.
Speaker:I took a moment to compose myself,
Speaker:focusing on why we were here.
Speaker:“There’s an antique store near the river called Relics and Rarities.
Speaker:The score…” I paused, not sure why raccoons would want to help us steal a diamond figure of a rat.
Speaker:I decided to be honest and let them decide.
Speaker:“Is a dozen diamond figures.
Speaker:I’m only interested in the rat,
Speaker:you can take the rest as your fee.”
Speaker:“Diamonds?” Her eyes sparkled,
Speaker:and she took a few steps towards us.
Speaker:“Are they shiny?” I nodded.
Speaker:“They glittered like rainbows in the sun.”
Speaker:“Ooh, we’re in.” She rubbed her front paws together.
Speaker:“I know the store.
Speaker:But they have guards.
Speaker:We’ll need someone to take them out
Speaker:if they come to investigate.”
Speaker:“I know someone. Pog,
Speaker:you stay here while I go get them.” Barnabas scampered off.
Speaker:With him gone, Deots and I eyed each other warily.
Speaker:“My name’s Pog,” I said after a moment and stuck out a paw.
Speaker:“Deots.” She looked at my paw but didn’t move to take it.
Speaker:Maybe shaking was only a human thing.
Speaker:I lowered my arm.
Speaker:“You’re really brightly colored for a raccoon,” she said.
Speaker:“I’m from China. It’s really far away from here, across the ocean.”
Speaker:I’d looked up red panda facts on Sunny’s laptop with her
Speaker:one evening after Max went to bed,
Speaker:because I’d been curious about what I was now.
Speaker:That seemed to satisfy her.
Speaker:“What the heck is that?” I asked when Barnabas returned.
Speaker:The animal walking next to the squirrel dwarfed Barnabas in size,
Speaker:and was bigger around than even Deots.
Speaker:Of course, that was because of the collection of long, pointy looking hair that puffed out from its back
Speaker:and rattled slightly as it walked.
Speaker:“I’m a porcupine,”
Speaker:she said in a low voice.
Speaker:“This is Clatter,” Barnabas chattered, pointing to his friend.
Speaker:“She’s agreed to come along and help take out any guards.”
Speaker:“How?” I asked, looking her over.
Speaker:Most of her size appeared to be her puffy, clacking fur,
Speaker:and she didn’t look scary.
Speaker:“My quills are really sharp,” she said, shuffling her feet.
Speaker:“Humans are scared of them.
Speaker:But my price for helping is one of the shinies,”
Speaker:she said. “Fine by me.
Speaker:One for me, one for Clatter…”
Speaker:I looked at Barnabas.
Speaker:“What’s your price?”
Speaker:“Nothing. I believe you about the voice.
Speaker:I want to help them too,”
Speaker:Barnabas chittered.
Speaker:“Alright, that leaves ten for the raccoons.
Speaker:Is that acceptable?”
Speaker:I turned to Deots.
Speaker:“Works for me.” Deots said.
Speaker:“Now that everyone’s here,
Speaker:let’s come up with a plan,”
Speaker:I said. We hunkered down,
Speaker:and I sketched out the layout of the antique store using twigs and leaves.
Speaker:“There’s the front door.”
Speaker:I put a paw on the twig that I’d used as its marker.
Speaker:“The case with the shiny animals is here.”
Speaker:I touched the leaf marking the display case near the front of the store.
Speaker:“They’re on a high shelf,
Speaker:so we’ll need a way to get up to it after we get inside.”
Speaker:Deots sat up and gestured at the raccoons
Speaker:watching us from the branches.
Speaker:Three of them scampered down the tree
Speaker:and joined us. “Show them,”
Speaker:Deots said. The three raccoons formed a tower,
Speaker:standing on each other’s shoulders.
Speaker:Stacked that way, they were almost as tall as Max.
Speaker:“Perfect,” I said. “Except the case is locked.
Speaker:How are we going to get it open?”
Speaker:“I’ve got that part,” Barnabas said, and pulled two twists of wire from the fur of his tail.
Speaker:“Ynes taught me how to pick locks.”
Speaker:Now I liked Ynes even more.
Speaker:“Can you get the one on the front door, too?”
Speaker:I asked. “Not gonna work,”
Speaker:Deots said. “Most of the places around here pull big metal bars down over the doors and windows at night.”
Speaker:“So we can’t get in that way,”
Speaker:I grumbled. Or could we?
Speaker:I’d played hours of car racing games with Sunny,
Speaker:and in one, you tried to crash in spectacular ways.
Speaker:The speeding cars could go through brick walls.
Speaker:“What if I crashed a car through it?
Speaker:That would take down the bars, right?”
Speaker:“You just want to drive a car again,” Barnabas chittered with a laugh.
Speaker:He wasn’t wrong. “But where would we get a car?”
Speaker:I shrugged. I hadn’t gotten that far in my plan.
Speaker:“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Deots shook her head.
Speaker:“If you do that, the humans will come running from every direction,
Speaker:and we’ll never get the shinies.”
Speaker:“How do we get in, then?”
Speaker:I asked. “The roof,”
Speaker:Deots said. “Humans can’t climb, so they usually forget about high up entrances.”
Speaker:She gave me and Clatter an appraising glance.
Speaker:“I can climb,” I said, flexing my front paws.
Speaker:I’d seen red pandas climbing trees in videos,
Speaker:although I hadn’t tried to do it myself.
Speaker:We all looked at Clatter with her puffy, hard fur.
Speaker:“Porcupines are natural climbers, too.
Speaker:Don’t worry about me,” she said.
Speaker:“Are you sure there’ll be a way in from the roof?”
Speaker:I asked. “There almost always
Speaker:is.” Deots said, flicking her tail. “Roof it is then.” I clapped my paws, imitating Roderick’s authoritative voice.
Speaker:“Let’s go.” “One more thing,”
Speaker:Deots said, pointing at me.
Speaker:“Your fur is too bright.
Speaker:We’ll be spotted for sure.”
Speaker:I looked down at my black stomach fur.
Speaker:“Not that, the orange on your back and your face.
Speaker:You’ll need a disguise.”
Speaker:“She has a point,” Barnabas chittered.
Speaker:“How?” I asked. “With this,”
Speaker:Deots said. A bunch of raccoons swarmed out of the bushes.
Speaker:Each had something clenched in their fists.
Speaker:The first reached me
Speaker:and dumped what they were carrying all over my back.
Speaker:“Dust?” I said, craning my head around to look as the raccoon rubbed it in,
Speaker:turning my pretty fur a muddy gray.
Speaker:“Clay. It’ll wash out, don’t worry,”
Speaker:Deots assured me. After they finished,
Speaker:I wandered over to the closest window to look at my reflection.
Speaker:I almost looked like a raccoon now.
Speaker:I rather liked my bright colors, but I guess it was okay,
Speaker:as long as it was temporary.
Speaker:And this had to be easier to get out than the sticky marshmallow fluff that Max had accidentally covered me in
Speaker:a few weeks ago. Our motley crew set off for Relics
Speaker:and Rarities. This was the first of two parts of
Speaker:“Diamond in the Rat”
Speaker:by Roan Rosser, read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.
Speaker:Tune in next time
Speaker:to find out how the character’s steal the figurines
Speaker:and save the rat.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.