This episode is sponsored by ParentAgent.

Founder Barbara Ballard spent twenty years in UX and still missed her own kid's early dismissal. So she built ParentAgent. It reads the school and activity email and hands you the list — school, camp, sports, both kids. It doesn't train on your family's data, doesn't sell it, and you can delete all of it. It’s free to start, at parentagent.io/L2.

I’m gonna say something that’s going to shock everyone listening.

I went to a three-day event. By myself. On an airplane. With a bunch of strangers.

And I really freaking enjoyed myself.

I’m painfully introverted. Usually three days of peopling leaves my social battery so drained that I’m never talking to another human again. This time I came home tired, but the good kind.

Here’s the thing. It was a room full of health tech founders who have been where you are and know the way out. Nobody bragged about their successes. We talked a whole lot about failures. No judgment.

Also, I was so hyperfocused on my to-do list in the hotel lobby that I almost walked face first into Kevin Durant. I didn’t recognize him. It was like seeing a fish on land.

Then on Ask L2: a listener runs a one-person business, hasn’t taken a week off in three years, and is starting to resent the thing they built to get free. Where do you even start?

Do as I say, not as I do. Turn your freaking phone off.

Chapters

00:00:00 Cold open

00:00:31 Welcome to You’re Not Too Much

00:00:45 Brace yourself

00:01:25 I really freaking enjoyed myself

00:02:00 Are we sure this is New Jersey?

00:02:54 Fancy food and one coconut cheesecake

00:03:47 Invigorating, not exhausting

00:04:17 People who have been where you are

00:05:01 Reentry whiplash

00:06:15 Nobody suspected I never wear shoes

00:06:40 Counting backward

00:07:45 Two hours of hyperfocus in the great room

00:09:17 Wait, strangers just start conversations?

00:10:02 A very tall man on the stairs

00:11:39 Like seeing a fish on land

00:11:57 "You saw Kevin Durant?"

00:12:42 The guests who wouldn’t check out

00:13:31 What else did I miss?

00:14:55 Ask L2: no week off in three years

00:15:54 Turn your freaking phone off

00:16:50 The false economy of never resting

00:17:43 All I want is to not be needed

00:17:58 Nothing will fall apart in one week

00:18:31 Love you, mean it

More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

Guys, I went to a thing and I enjoyed myself.

I felt like a real human adult person.

Nobody suspected that I never wear shoes, nobody.

He goes, do you know why people keep saying, there were a bunch of

basketball players around earlier?

And I was like, what?

No, but I definitely saw Kevin Durant.

And he was like, what?

You saw Kevin Durant?

And I was like literally almost walked into him.

And I said to somebody that I was like, face to face with Kevin Durant.

And he turns around and he goes, you are like at best

faced a navel with Kevin Durant.

Welcome to You Are Not Too Much from the Different Not Broken

Network, a podcast about how you are not too much, they're not enough.

Space expands, so let's fill it.

I'm gonna say something that is going to shock everyone

listening and you'll be okay.

It's just, it's gonna take you a minute to get used to.

I promise I have not changed as a person.

I promise I'm still the same person.

I promise that I still have all the same quirks that I had before.

It doesn't change anything about me, it's just an experience that

I had that you should know about.

I went to an event on an aeroplane for three days with a bunch of

strangers where I peopled for three straight days by myself and, okay,

brace yourself guys, brace yourself.

I dunno if you're ready for this.

Brace yourself.

I really freaking enjoyed myself.

It was so nice.

It was so well curated.

The people who put it together did a an exceptional job.

If you know me, I love good organisation.

I love good execution.

And it was like a well-oiled machine.

You would've thought they did it a hundred times before and it

was the first time they did it.

The people behind it were freaking brilliant.

I said It was like our parents put together the world's best play date

for us because it was a bunch of health tech founders in this random,

gorgeous resort in New Jersey.

Did you know that there are like lush fields and curated forests and gorgeous

farm to table farms in New Jersey?

I did not If you had blindfolded me and put me on a plane, okay, don't do that.

First off, don't.

But if you had and dropped me at this place and not told me where I was

and then told me I was in New Jersey, I would've told you that you were

a liar and that you kidnapped me.

And I was in some, I don't know, some like bunker in Idaho.

I don't know, like it was gorgeous.

I kept like staring out the view from my hotel room going like,

are we sure this is New Jersey?

Because I know a thing or two about New Jersey and it is not this.

So anyway, the place was gorgeous, the event was amazing, food was

spectacular, and it was all, again, don't think less of me.

I promise I have not changed.

It was all very fancy food and I ate it and I didn't ask what it was beforehand,

and there was only one time that I ate something that caused a minor sensory

meltdown is a coconut cheesecake that was very delicious, but had pieces of

coconut in it and that is my nightmare.

And I was like, Peppe,

peppe.

But then I'm around adult people who I have to act like a normal person

around, and so I couldn't do the like pep and so I had to figure that out.

I don't know if I did a good job, they'll have to tell me if anybody

noticed me, like spitting bullets because there was coconut in my mouth and I

was like a cat with tape on my tongue.

But anyway, it was like a whole thing, but three straight days of people of

talking about things that I know of helping people design solutions of

all of it, and it was invigorating.

It was not exhausting.

Don't get me wrong.

When I got home I was tired, but it was like tired of three days of activity,

not social batteries so drained that I'm never talking to another human.

That's usually what it's like.

It was a bunch of people who have been where you are and know the way out.

It was just refreshing to be around and it wasn't a weekend where people

bragged about their successes.

We talked a whole lot about failures, about the things that we've done wrong,

about the mistakes that we've made, about ways that we've fixed them,

about some of the stuff that you don't talk about in healthcare, like you

don't tell anybody you went through that because it doesn't look great.

We were around people who have been through the same things.

There's no judgement . It was just like, yep, here's how we dealt with it.

This is the vendor we use, this is how we structured it.

I can definitely help you with that.

Reach out to me when we get back home.

It was great.

It was great.

I was like in the best mood, the best mood when I got back.

But that whiplash, that reentry, whiplash was tough because I was like.

I made friends and I talked to people, and I walked up to

people and introduced myself.

And it wasn't weird.

Or if it was weird, it was weird for them and not for me, and they didn't tell me.

And I joined conversations and I shook hands and I didn't sanitise

my hands after every time.

And I learned about people's businesses and I gave people insightful

information without feeling like abroad.

And I did all of this.

The buzz ended pretty quickly, but there is still some halo from

the weekend, and I enjoyed it.

And if you told me I had to go again, I would actually be excited.

And I flew by myself.

I flew by myself.

I didn't cry.

I took a reasonable amount of medication, not like a large amount of medication.

I did not feel like I was gonna have a panic attack before the plane took off.

In fact, both times before the plane took off, I fell asleep just enough

that as the plane was taking off, I was like, I was drowsy enough that

it just like wasn't a big deal.

And then once the plane's in the air, I'm fine.

So like I missed the whole 20 minutes of crushing anxiety that I have.

But guys, I went to a thing and I enjoyed myself and I felt like

a real human adult person and.

Nobody suspected that I never wear shoes, nobody.

I told somebody there that I'm like painfully introverted.

And they were shocked.

Like shocked.

And I was like, yeah, I put on a good show, but normally

I'd rather be anywhere else.

Anywhere else.

So they told us to be there by like 1:00 PM but my flight got in and then

there was an hour long drive and I still got there by 11:00 AM And so I just

figured maybe I'll go find somewhere to sit in the hotel or maybe there's a

coffee shop I can go to or something.

But I also knew that it was kind of remote and it was unlikely that I was

gonna find like a place that I could just go sit in and then I was gonna have my

suitcase and it was gonna be complicated.

Me being me, I'm just anxious about logistics.

And the day before I left, I had to be somewhere later in the day.

My husband tried to ask me something and I was like, please stop talking to me.

I have to be somewhere in four hours and I have to count backward until then.

So every time I got through another milestone, another logistical

milestone that I organised by myself and I did not need help with it, it

led up on the anxiety a little bit.

So I get there, I check in, they said, obviously the room wasn't

gonna be ready for a while, but I could go hang out in the great room.

Great.

I give them my bag, they put my bag away and they checked it for me.

And it was just this little quaint, like it was large, it was like this

palatial estate, but as far as hotels go, it was a reasonable sized hotel.

So they take my bag, I'm sitting in the great room and managing my anxiety by

like getting things off my to-do list.

There are things I have to do over the next several days.

I don't wanna have to do them when I'm not sure what my schedule is gonna be like.

So I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna churn stuff out over the next 30 minutes.

It was actually two hours so that I don't have to worry about those things.

And as I'm sitting there, there are all of these very young people walking around.

And mind you, this place used to be like a private old money club and it still

is that, and they added a hotel to it.

So now you can stay there as a hotel, but it's still this old money club.

So I just did not expect to see a bunch of young people.

In very casual, like basically basketball shorts walking around.

Something didn't gel.

And so I'm typing away and I did get a tonne of work done and then I look

at the clock and first off I look up and I realise that everybody's gone.

I had been so engrossed that I didn't even realise that most of the people left and

there was only one or two people left.

And then I got up and realised that it was like basically time to go meet

with the team that I was meeting with.

And there was still like a fair amount of people milling around the lobby.

But again, just hyper-focused on getting done.

When I'm done, I went in, I asked them where I'm supposed to meet for this event.

They told me where to go.

I went and did that.

Completely forgot about anything that happened in the lobby, put on

like people's socialisation face.

People started walking up to me and just starting conversations, which I did

not know is a thing that you could do.

People were just like, hi, I'm so and so from so and so, where are you from?

And I was like, and then like my badge had companies I don't own anymore 'cause

I forgot to tell them before I got there.

So everybody's like, where are you from?

And I'm like, not here.

So I then, you know, switched modes to like social peopley.

Totally forgot about that.

So I get a text that my room is ready.

So I go get my room key and they're like, it's right down the hall.

There's a elevator behind, but you can walk up the stairs too.

They took my bag, they put the bags in the rooms based on who checked them.

I was like, this is so fancy.

It is so fancy.

So I get up the stairs, I get to the top of the stairs, the door of the

room that's directly across the stairs opens a couple of people walk out.

And then this guy who I swear to you was seven feet tall, walks

out and I am a lot of things, but seven feet tall is not one of them.

Not even close.

I barely come up over five feet tall.

My, my 10-year-old is almost taller than I'm.

So I see this person, I make eye contact with him.

He's got a hella expensive bag on his shoulder and I recognise him.

But I was there looking for people I know from my field.

I did not have it in my brain that I would meet any or see anybody else.

And so I see him and my brain goes, I don't think he's from a startup.

Like I recognise him.

I don't, is he from a startup?

No.

I can't think of any giant seven foot tall guys from startups.

Not that I work at least that would be weird.

So again, I was like, okay.

So it was very brief.

He walked past me, I went down the hall again, went back to counting

backward in my head to the time I needed to go to the next event.

And like I had to get changed and go to the next event.

So like very much logistics get there in time, whatever.

Then later I'm leaving my hotel room.

And passed by that room again and remembered like,

wait, I saw that guy earlier.

Am I being reductive if I say that guy had to be a basketball player?

Because I'm pretty sure that, but I couldn't place the face

even though I knew the face.

I couldn't place the face because it was like seeing a fish on land.

He was just in the wrong place.

I was not supposed to see this person where I saw this person.

So I go to dinner, but we have like a, a mixer thing and then there's some

intro speeches and then we do dinner and I'm sitting next to this guy

who is a giant basketball fan and he says to me, he goes, do you know why

people keep saying there were a bunch of basketball players around earlier?

And I was like, what?

No, but I definitely saw Kevin Duran.

It finally hit me that it was Kevin Durant and he was like, what?

You saw Kevin Durant?

And I was like literally almost walked into him.

And I said to somebody that I was like, face to face with Kevin Durant.

And he turns around and he goes, you were like at best

faced a navel with Kevin Durant.

I was like, that is accurate.

Correct.

That gentleman is very tall.

So finally it hit me when somebody confirmed there were a bunch

of basketball players there.

So apparently there was like this big private party the night before and

all the basketball players and their associated entourages and I guess

they had brought groups of people and things like that, they were all

supposed to check out by 10:00 AM and by 4:00 PM they were still in the room.

I remember that at like 1:00 PM this sweet little man who worked at the hotel,

I hear him run past me and he goes up to the hotel manager and he says, sir, I have

a situation and I don't know what to do.

And the boss is like, yeah, what's up?

And he goes, we're trying to do uh, turnover on room,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And we open the door and there's still someone snoring in there.

I dunno how to handle this situation.

So he was like, just call security and Zoe.

He's like, oh, okay, okay.

But I guess they had a lot of trouble turning over the hotel 'cause

these people just would not leave.

But then it occurred to me that I was sitting in the lobby

hyper-focused on what I was doing.

I now know the names of all of the people who were there.

Some of them were probably in that lobby with me.

And I didn't realise because I was hyper-focused on what I was doing and

just being my very quirky, managing my anxiety self because people were

telling me who they ran into while they were like milling the grounds.

And in the great hall when I was there and I was like, are you, are you

trying to tell me that I was in the lobby with Drake and I didn't realise?

And they were like, it is possible that you were in the lobby with

Drake and you didn't realise.

Now to be fair, I have no desire to be in the lobby with Drake.

I don't care if Drake's in the lobby.

But I would've at least liked to know that I was in the same lobby as Drake so

I could protect the young women around me.

But still, it was just like, what did I miss by being the

world's most focused person?

What literally slipped by me because I was so focused on making sure that I had my

work done before I had to go wear shoes and act like an adult for several days.

So anyway, long story long I peeped for three whole days and it was amazing.

I almost ran face first into a basketball player, and I have the

focus ability of a tractor beam.

Somebody might wanna send me to science.

Ask L two.

We have a question from Kevin.

The business is just me.

I haven't taken a week off in three years and I'm starting to resent

the thing I built to get free.

Where do I even start?

I'm going to tell you what to do here and I need you to understand that this is

the do as I say, not as I do instruction because I am horrible at taking time off.

Horrible.

I disconnect.

I don't even know what's something that doesn't disconnect a lot.

It's that that's what I disconnect.

I'm like the atomic clock.

That's what I am.

I'm constantly keeping time.

It is.

I'm just bad at.

Part of it is I worry about things and part of it is like

I just really like what I do.

Like I very rarely mind working, but I do need to take more time off.

That said, turn your freaking phone off.

Notify all of the people who need to be notified.

Find somebody who can handle emergencies and turn your freaking phone off.

Even doctors can do this.

I've watched them do it.

You get somebody to cover your call and you go turn your phone off.

You go do it.

You go lay by the pool or you leave your phone at home, or you find

some way to not be distracted by it.

You are allowed to not think about work, and it is possible that you

have outgrown the thing that you have built and that working at that

level is just not for you anymore.

But it is also possible that you need time off and you need

help and it's not either or.

You need time off.

You need somebody who can help.

If you're paying your bills, if you have extra money left over and you are

not investing in running your business more efficiently, including running your

body more efficiently, meaning getting appropriate rest, getting appropriate

turnoff time to turn off, then you have created a false economy because you are

probably making less money than you should be by not investing in the things that

you need to better support yourself.

You are better at your job when you've rested.

You are better at everything when you've had time to yourself.

You are a better communicator when you don't have to communicate

every minute of every day.

You are a better citizen of the universe.

When you have gotten to sit by a pool without anybody bothering you, can you

tell what I want to be doing right now?

And I felt the same way.

As much as I love my job, I have felt that pressure of I have built

something that needs me all the time, and all I want is to not be needed.

That is valid.

So go figure out how to not be needed.

Find somebody who can answer the phones and handle things for one week.

Nothing will fall apart in one week.

And anything that will fall apart in one week was not put together well

to begin with, your body is telling you something, your brain is telling

you something, you gotta listen.

Turn off your phone, go take a week, go take two weeks, whatever,

however many weeks you need, you'll be better at your job.

On the other side of it, also pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Thanks for being here guys.

Have a good day.

Love you.

Meeting

the only man to pay attention to behind the curtain.

Isky win.

Exactly.

And he's, he's not really like, he is a.